bearbandit

I admit to being wrong in terms of practical adherence: I was quoting the general advice given in the UK for people with HIV for perfect adherence. My reason for doing that was experience has shown in the UK that a 26 hour time difference soon turns into 28 hours and so on so that drug levels do get the chance to drop. It's better to be over protected than under protected. I don't have anything against PrEP: in fact I think in theory it's a bloody good idea, but I think we have to be clear that Truvada is only the first attempt at PrEP, with the second attempt coming up at the end of the year with the new formulation of tenofovir and therefore truvada. I'd like nothing better than to be wrong about my Cassandra complex, but I can't help but advise caution. Much as I like the idea of TasP (treatment as protection), it relies on him believing me whereas with PrEP you know yourself that you've done everything possible.

Go through the negatives first and decide if you can put up with them. Truvada is an excellent anti-viral, but it does have a nasty side. First, and most obviously, can you adhere to the regime? Always take the drugs within an hour or so of the time you took it yesterday? Some people find this extremely difficult, though of course if you're on meds for another condition it becomes easier as you just tie the two drug events together. FTC (the more benign component of truvada) doesn't have much baggage associated with it, but the tenofovir component would necessitate regular liver and kidney checks which you can't afford to miss as you can go from "normal" to seriously ill in a matter of weeks. Other effects of tenofovir include IBS-like symptoms like excessive farting and bloating which can usually be got rid of with peppermint oil and, rather more worryingly, the inability to retain calcium, leading to osteopenia. Some people find Truvada a non-starter within a month or two. They can't tolerate the effects of the drug and unfortunately, it's the only one licenced for PrEP. I wonder whether the science of the problem or the money they could make was the main motivation for Gilead? What would you gain from it? Obviously the peace of mind that HIV's going to have one hell of a job getting to you. A more cynical attitude might say see what happens without: most HAART is three or four drugs, so with Truvada you're only getting half the picture and the drugs are improving year upon year: you and I are about the same age and have been walking round the block for the same amount of time, but I got HIV right at the start: I can assure you that if you were to seroconvert you wouldn't have anything like the shit I've talked about. It could well be that you've got an unusually high resistance to HIV anyway. The more I think about it, the more I try to put your boots on, the more I think I'd be inclined to continue to take my chances and do without Truvada: my doctor's comment on PrEP was that it was proof of a concept, but needed a lot more work. However, some of that work is coming at the end of the year when the reformulated tenofovir will be on the market and will be the version that's used in Truvada: this version does a better job of hanging around the places where HIV likes to hide, which will lead to fewer side effects, maybe even solve the osteopenia problem. Sorry my reply is so confused: I've been writing as things come to mind. Some guys seem to go on for one hell of a time with repeated exposure to HIV and never get it themselves: host of the party I was at last weekend is another case in point. Thirteen or fourteen years since his partner serconverted and he's still testing negative and holding biohazard parties...

"Ask me an honest question and I'll give you an honest answer. You mightn't like the answer, but that's your problem not mine..." has served me well enough over the years.

Both fun, but the prize goes to recycling a few bottles of beer over an evening. Once got to the point of a receiving and giving bladderful of piss every ten minutes. When it gets to that point I don't care if it's going in me or over me as long as one of us fucks the other as well...

What's hornier than having your dick covered in one man's cum while it's up another man's arse?

I love the "Stop doing that. No, keep on, stop, just a bit more...." response tongueing a piss slit gets...

Difference between the US and UK health care systems... I can feel fairly sure that if I went to the clinic tomorrow and said that I wanted to stop all HIV meds they'd first try to argue me out of the decision, but then acquiesce asking me to keep up quarterly appointment so my CD4 and VL could be monitored. I've taken an HIV meds holiday before, after the death of my partner (I didn't think I was up to maintaining the adherence to meds that's required for successful treatment). During that holiday I lost about 70 CD4 per month and only went back onto meds when my CD4 hit >200. The clinic weren't happy about what I did, but short of having me committed to a mental ward, they had no choice, either about accepting my decision or their part in what was a potentially life-threatening situation for me. Run forwards a few years and I've just moved to a new town and am suffering from Fanconi's syndrome (tenofovir poisoning). This time when they wanted me in hospital, there was a police car around the corner just in case: the committal papers had already been drawn up. A reasonable response as they didn't know me, the mineral depletion was such that I lost over a quarter of my body weight and was only occasionally lucid in between the hallucinations. There's a much more "partnership" relationship with UK doctors, though you have to push for it to come through. My consultant likes grandstanding, and as I'm "unusual" I often have students sitting in on consultation (well they gotta learn somewhere, and if I get the chance the first thing I tell them is my doctor's an asshole). When I was in hospital last year I was prepped six times for a gastroscopy (a procedure that terrifies me: I have the gag reflex from hell and have disappointed many well hung men). Turned out that the reason for the gastroscopy was my inflamed liver... "I've known about that since 2004 and it's made no difference, why worry now" - I wasn't put on the list again. If a doctor isn't a partner in your healthcare, then they're no doctor.

Never try with anything stronger than about 4% alcohol beer (even then it's better to drink it secondhand). The intestines suck up all the alcohol and you get drunk much faster than you would of you were drinking. Using pure spirits (which tend to be around the 40% mark) would very quickly have you over the lethality mark, even if you're a fairly big guy. In short, look at the reasons why you need to be drunk and work on those. Also be aware that a lot of guys are liable to say "we're not doing that: you're too drunk". I'll have a bar measure or two of spirits, enough to reach the euphoria stage (just on the legal side for driving), before piling in. After that I stick to fruit juice or water until I've had all the sex I can take for the night. Then, and only then, do I feel free to drink what I want.

@Man4manplay - sounds to me like he's a control freak. If you need meds, you need meds more than you need him. The question is how do you want to live? I've been on meds for over 20 years and they've kept me more or less independent, though having taken early versions of some drugs, I've taken some hits. Because of my experience with early versions and prescription routines I can assure you that what you're likely to be offered in terms of meds will be safe, with few if any side-effects, and will extend your life expectancy way beyond what we thought possible when I started AZT monotherapy (1992 was my dead-by date). @tattpig - I, for one, would be fascinated to see a write-up of that session. Would it be okay to quote it on other board or use it at training sessions for HIV organisations? I'm due to travel to England in a couple of weeks for a training session where I expect to unhinge a few jaws with the ideas I intend voicing - HIV prevention in the UK still goes by 1983's "How to have sex in an epidemic".

Tattpig - thank you for supply "chapter and verse" on what I couldn't remember from Townsend. It's actually a lot more forceful than I remember, not having read it for several years. After I wrote the above I had my (distant) FB propose a visit this weekend: one of his job can be finding the volumes of Leatherman's Handbook. Your last paragraph is brilliantly written and worth keeping.

So much of people's response to meds differs that it's impossible for one person to give an answer to your question: even HIV specialist doctors disagree. It could be that you need to start treatment soon: I know for myself that if I stop meds my CD4 plummets and there's only a modest rise in my viral load. Without meds, judging by past experience, I'd be dead within a year. I'd never be able, on past performance, to achieve a toxic VL before I was incapable of sex. On the other hand know an elite controller diagnosed in the eighties like I was, and he hasn't taken an HIV med in his life. This is one instance where obeying your Master could cost you your life: are you ready for that? If you decide to go with meds and your Master throws you out, then, in my opinion, he's a fool: all you're trying to do is keep his slave in best condition. I wonder if the problem lies with your Master and he can't cope fully with being poz? My personal opinion about treatment is hit the fucker hard and fast. The better health you're in when you start meds, the better your outlook. So, really, if you start meds you're doing it for your Master so that he gets more years of use out of you. The only person who can make this decision is you - ordinarily it would be you and your Master together, but he's shown a prejudicial hand so imho his opinions don't count. If you decide to take meds, plan for the worst: it might be shit from him, or he might throw you out. Have a bolthole prepared to cover you till you can find a place of your own and eventually a new Master. The question is do you want a good quality of life pretty much guaranteed or do you want a life where you're never certain that your health will deteriorate so that things go awry anyway (I had a shock last week when I discovered that my legs have deteriorated to the point where I can't fuck standing up any more) @GoodExercise: if the OP's Master was a respected expert in the HIV field I think he would have said so, therefore I'd be inclined not to think that Master knows what the OP needs. "Only" 3 had bad complications - unless all three were late diagnosed (in which case they may well already have been ill with an opportunistic infection before diagnosis with HIV) that's 3 too many. Didn't Larry Townshend in one of his Leatherman's Handbooks cite amongst a slave's duties the obligation to keep his own health at its optimum for his Master's enjoyment? (Badly misquoted I know, but my copies got "borrowed") I can't tell you what to do, only you and your Master can do that, but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying...

That's an excellent point: verbal reinforces the connection between you and needn't necessarily consist of words (dodging the pun), at least on the bottom's part. A constant stream of verbal filth about the very near future when he's got his dick inside helps a lot in relaxing. When I bottom, I discovered this week, I keep up a string of grunts/moans/pleas for more: all feedback for the top.

Ride with the pain - it only lasts a second or two. I got fucked for the first time in two years (either topping or ill in those two years) last week with just spit as lube. A second or so of "shit I can't take this" (he's big) and then I was straight into wanting more and more...

I get complaints from the neighbours...

Bear Party last night... Right at the beginning I was transferring porn files to the hosts' computer while one of the hosts (big bloke I'd already fucked wit twice since I arrived a couple of days previously - husband's damn good too) was doing photos for another guest's profile. The latter was having trouble posing right and getting it up, so I discovered a new career as a fluffer. Big pig pile on the biggest bed - don't ask me how many loads I took because I just lost count. If a dick got in me, it didn't go without leaving a load... I'd decided to go completely bottom for a change and was open to any and all. I'm not the quietest of fucks, so there seemed to be a competition going on amongst guys elsewhere in the house as to who was fucking me now, judged on sound alone. I will definitely be at the next party.

The UK has three major players in the instant sex market: bbrts, Gaydar and Recon. I wonder why I bother when it's the same guys with occasionally different names and the same photos. I have to admit I'm just as guilty as the others as far as the photos go, but intend getting some more done this weekend while being the good time. "needs discussion" is always the phrase of choice about safer sex, though it only seems to be used by those of us who are poz.

I hate to say it but most of the good moves in HIV protection have surfaced in the USA and them pitched up in Europe six months or so later. Well aware of your somewhat crazier compatriots' views on sex and sexuality (and tired of signing petitions about them!). I don't think the Turing documentary has yet been shown: I rarely watch broadcast TV so will probably just get the DVD when its available. I hate to tell you this but it was good old UK medicine that nearly killed me last year, and our sexual mores are very young as yes. Less than twenty years ago it was worthwhile buying an NTSC video player and copy a whole load of rental videos to copy time and again to make a bit of cash on the side. My partner went through customs with the video player whereas I had fifteen to twenty high illegal (at the time) cassettes in my back pack. Just as well I'd got that "I have been on a plane for eleven hours without a cigarette: do not impede my progress to a smoking area" face on. Isentriss is a bit of a pain, but it's only one extra pill out of the thirty I take daily. There's a new integrase inhibitor on the way, whose name escapes me, which will be once a day. Dolutegravir looks about right... ETA: unknown...

Firstly, thanks for your honesty. I have a slight idea of how you feel as all my profiles list me as versatile and virtually all the guys I meet seem to think "well he can bottom for the next guy..." I'd suggest getting a realistic sized dildo and using that on yourself. A beer or two (no more: the actual amount would depend on your body size) might help you relax. Your favourite porn and be generous with with lube. Leave your dick alone for the time being: it's your arse we're training here. If the dildo is latex, you're going to need a water based lube, but this is just practice. As you get turned on by the porn try pushing the dildo against your arse hole, don't worry if doesn't go in first time. Keep a gentle pressure on your hole and work the dildo around a bit. When the porn hits a particularly horny point you might find your hole opening spontaneously or that it only takes a slight push to get it in. Remember you're only doing to yourself what you done to who knows how many men. They had a good time. You'll reach a point where your arse wants more. When was the last time you made a man beg for your dick? It's your arse doing the begging now. You going to take a bit more? Maybe add a bit more lube to get things nice and sloppy... Start playing with your dick now: your hand's covered with the lube that's going in and out of your arse. When you feel yourself start to cum go wild with the dildo... When it's a man and not a dildo (fuck - I got a hardon writing that last paragraph) be honest with him. All you need say is that it's been quite a while since you've got fucked and you need him to take it slowly. It might be easier on you if you can take him home for the night. What lube? Coconut oil if you can get it is very good - it melts at just under body temperature, or try a good olive oil. Both are cheaper than lube sold in sex shops and what you don't fuck with, you can cook with. Good luck - let us know how things go. or you could get on the ferry and come to Wales...

Will do (I know several guys who'd enjoy them as gifts) - can you take paypal payments or are credit cards easier?

Can you give a price for shipping to the UK?

Great news, mate. Really pleased for you. Only thing I'd say is that since your combination contains tenofovir, make sure they keep an eye on your kidneys (I know - your mom was a better nag than me!). Could I ask what gave you the idea to ask about testosterone? I'm wondering if mine is on the low side, but would like to have someone else's experience to back up the question next time I see the doctor.

Thank you for the full title and author - that'll make it a lot easier to track down - maybe we ought to impose on RawTop for a library page: there's a lot of good (and bad) stuff that's been written, that's relevant to us: we ought to be keeping track of ot and saving guys' money when it comes to a book like "Without Condoms" (pysychologist present lots of case histories and "cures" gay men of wanting condomless sex). I have a copy that only been thrown at the wall three or four times, what with me being such a gentle placid soul...

Largely, the British public wishes we'd just go away except when we're good for a scandal. I'm reminded of nothing so much as the British attitude to homosexuality in the in the seventies. The Government here thought that a couple of campaigns in the eighties would do, and have since left education work to the charities who are slowly going broke despite having apparently lucrative contracts with the government to provide education. We have young adults in the UK who know fuck all about HIV because to teach them about HIV would mean mentioning homosexuality (the infamous section 28, now repealed, forebade discussion in schools of homosexuality as just another form of sexuality). Guess who's testing positive at the clinics? Yup, the very kids who would have benefitted from what section 28 said was a no-no. The government have fostered a public attitude where you have to be at death's door to be entitled to benefits. I know of a case where a guy who was on dialysis pulled out his catheters and bled to death because he felt he couldn't go on. Already blind, and needing support to walk, he was judged to be capable of normal work, according to a letter received by his ex partner five days his death (I was the one seeing ex partner at the time and dealt with all the drunken two o'clock phone calls). I've had abuse shouted at me for simply using a walking stick: there's this health fascism going on whereby if you're not in perfect health you must be a benefits scrounger. And yet it's a four mile journey to pick up healthy food rather than saturated fat sandwiches. The UK is not a pleasant place to live.

Precisely what a low carb diabetic diet is (a healthy low sodium diet, I mean)...

Try a low carb diabetic diet and if you're exercising as well, increase the protein, reducing the rest equally. I tend to have my main meal of the day as literally just meat, with a salad snackbowl to graze on. My little argument with tenofovir did a lot of internal damage and it's only now that I'm preparing to get back to my old routine. I'm planning not so much on losing weight as moving it around a bit, losing fat, gaining muscle mass. I reckon the best test of whether you're doing well is when women friends who know you're gay ask what you've been doing and can you have a word with their husbands