BootmanLA
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In that case you're probably out of luck. You'd presumably need to contact the person and ask if he's willing to share an email address to which he can send them.
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So just to be clear: you're saying that one cannot be a good bottom and also insist that the top pull out before ejaculation? Just another person trying to define what "good bottom" (aka "real bottom" or "true bottom") is for everyone else in the world.
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That sentence, right there, explains it: you are not cheating, because this is an arrangement you and your partner came to, together. By definition, it's not cheating, because cheating is going AGAINST the rules you've agreed to. You're not. You've both agreed to a new set of rules that covers things at least until (when and if) he ever recovers his sex drive. It's like Monopoly. Lots of families play the game with a set of "House Rules" - some twist that all the players agree to, up front, regardless of what the actual rules say. That's not cheating; that's an agreement to amend the rules that the players find acceptable. But if one player decided to take $300 every time he passed go, instead of $200, that would be cheating.
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If I am not mistaken, BBRT is the primary sponsor/coordinator of the CumUnion parties.
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It's just honesty. When people find honest statements of fact "racist messaging" then I think it's time for them to do some self-reflection.
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Short answer: No, I don't think you can. Longer answer: "Messages" on here are not "email". They are simply a specialized kind of post in the database, that only the recipient can see, and that automatically "chain" like a series of posts would. Attachments, in the email sense, came about because the original underlying mail transfer protocols used on the internet didn't have any means of embedding an image within the message. There was no such thing as html-formatted email (with pictures within the message text) because HTML hadn't been invented when the fundamental email transfer protocols were created. So attachments - a means of sending any file, of any format, attached to the email - came about in an early iteration of the mail transfer protocols simply so that documents could be shared between people. Eventually, HTML and web pages came along, and included within the basics therein is the ability to put an image right into the text of your message, instead of only attaching it. That's where all the fancy email newsletters and so forth come from - inserting a link to a photograph at the point you want it to appear among the text. And that's what you can do here, since (as noted) a "message" is simply a specialized form of a web posting. What you'll want to do is open another browser tab (or window) to the folder on the web that contains your pictures (and it will need to be stored on the web somewhere, either here in a BZ gallery, or another image storage site, or whatever). Navigate in that extra tab to the picture you want to send - make it the only picture showing in that tab - and then copy the URL for that tab, then paste it into your message with the "Insert Image from URL" button/link.
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Here in the U.S., at least, according to the guidelines for prescribing PrEP, a health care provider should only do so after (a) confirming that the patient is HIV-negative and (b) having the patient commit to regular HIV *and* STI screenings in order to have the prescription refilled. And most guys on PrEP probably do just that. However, as I've noted elsewhere, there's a small industry revolving around getting people on PrEP as expeditiously as possible, with telemedicine consultations instead of full-scale doctor visits, and so forth. There's not a lot built into those systems to *ensure* that these places don't become pill mills for PrEP, with no real monitoring of whether a guy who's taking it is adhering to the schedule, whether he's accidentally converted anyway without knowing it, whether he's sharing other STI's regularly, etc. These places COULD make it fairly rigorous in terms of checking up on the patients and making sure they're doing well, etc., but there's nothing guaranteeing it.
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What I'm getting at here (and may not have expressed well) is that if someone has all the facts, and knows the risks, and decides that becoming poz and remaining off meds indefinitely is what they want to do, then I don't think there's any role for others to impose a change - neither by any sort of legal or pseudo-legal mandate nor by public shaming (which seldom if ever really works). But at the same time, the owners of any particular platform (such as this site) can opt to promote the public good by refusing to allow such people to promote that same behavior. Does that make it any clearer?
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What Makes a Top a Top, And a Bottom a Bottom?
BootmanLA replied to Philip's topic in General Discussion
I don't see anything amiss in how you view yourself in a relationship context vs. how you see yourself in a hookup context. But I do think that might be good guidance for how you describe yourself. If you're posting on a site that is primarily about hookups - Grindr or BBRTS, for instance - I would list yourself as a versatile or versatile bottom, because that's what you are *in the context of that site's demographic*. If you're on a relationship site, or one where relationships are are a prominent focus, I would list yourself as a versatile top. And in the comments section of your profiles, give a condensed version of this. On the hookup sites, say something like "Willing to top but it takes a special partner and circumstances". On the relationship sites, say something like "Love to top a really compatible partner, but also happily willing to bottom." -
Being an introvert is a complicating factor for sure. I would suggest you look more closely for local groups into your interests/hobbies. For instance, if you are into model airplane flying, search for "Model airplane group Melbourne" to see if there is a local club into that. In larger cities (and Melbourne, at 5 million people, is a larger city), there's almost certainly going to be a group that shares whatever hobby you might enjoy. Now, if you mean specifically *gay* people into that hobby, that can be more challenging. The Venn Diagram of queer people into anything - no matter what that thing is - probably has a fairly small overlap area, with the exception of a handful of wildly popular things like popular film and music, and then to impose a "local" restriction on it is even more problematic. I'd also add: look for volunteer opportunities in the gay community there.
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Generally speaking, it means 'to tread heavily upon'. What this person is almost certainly referring to is being walked or stomped on, probably by heavy boots.
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I do agree that if someone makes the *informed* choice to do just that, they should be permitted. But that presumes a level of information that few people in that situation really have. And I agree with the policy of this site that regardless of whether one should or shouldn't be allowed to do that for oneself, promoting that choice here is forbidden.
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I think a lot of stories could benefit from more "lead up" to the sex, as opposed to hopping right into bed with the characters. That said, broadly speaking, no, I don't think most stories would benefit from horror, rape, drugs, or murder. Horror and erotica CAN work together - the works of the late great Anne Rice come to mind immediately, of course - but hers was a different kind of horror from most of what we see today. Certainly not slasher horror and the like - frankly, I think there's some sort of pathology involved if you feel compelled to link murder and sex; and generally speaking, posts here that promote harm aren't permitted. If you can't talk about deliberately giving someone AIDS or celebrating progressing to AIDS (a stance I agree with), you certainly shouldn't be able to celebrate or eroticize actual murder. As for the other topics: drug-fueled sex is already permitted in the backroom "Chem fiction" section. Isolating it into a separate section is a reasonable compromise between banning it entirely and other people stumbling onto it in the midst of other erotica. Rape is touchy because most eroticized fictional depictions of rape end up with the rape victim enjoying it, or at the very least coming to accept his position as the recipient of another man's lust. As such that's still problematic (because there will be those who assume all rapes, if done "right", end up that way), but at least *as far as the fiction goes* it kind of ameliorates the harm promoted.
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I don't think most reasonable men have a problem with people who list "these are the things I like". I might roll my eyes if they're too specific, but I don't take offense. I do think more of us have an issue when the person posts a list of "these are the things I refuse" - the "no this, no that, no the other" types, especially when this, that, or the other are immutable characteristics. Back in the pre-online era, personal printed ads (in the backs of gay magazines and newspapers) not infrequently had the phrase "No fats No femmes No blacks" - a threeway of rudeness that just screamed "stay away from the crazy".
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Generally speaking, doctors here do require fairly regular testing and consultations to continue on it. That said, the consultations can be by telemedicine - basically, zoom interviews - and there are some companies set up specifically to do just that - the doctors spend all day online running through one session after another. The quality of the "care" received in such sessions, of course, may vary considerably from provider to provider.
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When I said "you" I was referring to someone who acts like you describe in your post: someone who is "deliberately running the risk of seriously hurting your lover, and ruining everything you have built together." If you meant that to refer to some hypothetical person other than yourself, then "you" in this case doesn't literally mean you. If you did mean to refer to yourself, that's another story, because I believe that information is enough to be judgmental about anyone who actually engages in that practice. To be clear: I have no objections to someone having as much sex of any kind he wants (that's legal), as long as he's either single or has the consent of any partner(s) he's got. It's when the person having the sex is breaking the rules of his relationship - repeatedly and deliberately, in the case you described - that I formulate an opinion of that person's character.
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As in so many cases, I think this is more reflective of the kind of guys you tend to interact with more than a representative sampling of gay men in general. This isn't to say that BB sex isn't popular, especially with PrEP, but even a casual perusal of hookup and dating sites shows a lot of people listing "Safe Sex always" or listing "condoms" as their preferred sexual health strategy.
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I've never used Grindr, but being familiar with several similar apps, I will note that yes, I always read the profiles. Sometimes I'll miss something important - it happens - but I find it's an excellent way to weed out lots of people who are clearly not matches. And I'm very short and abrupt with people who demonstrate they didn't bother to read my profile before contacting me. I agree with you that failing to do so shows an appalling lack of attention.
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I'm not going to say this is right or wrong. But I will note that a lot of people on this site defend non-monogamy on the basis that biologically men aren't meant to be tied down to one person. So at the very least, there's some disagreement as to what we're "meant" to do. To which I trot out my standard response: what's "natural" or we're "meant" to do is kind of irrelevant. "Naturally" speaking, we're meant to take a dump anywhere that seems convenient, ditto for pissing, and yet the vast, overwhelming majority of us (in developed countries) long ago abandoned that practice in favor of designated enclosed facilities, be it an outhouse or a modern bathroom. We're quite capable of going against our basic instincts, even for very rudimentary bodily functions, so "should" and "meant to" and "natural" are useless words in this discussion.
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1. You'd have to ask your partner whether they're "trying to escape" from you or not. Last I checked mind-reading wasn't a commonly found attribute in Homo sapiens. 2. Imagine being in a room that's already 80 degrees and being put under five layers of blanket, and told to keep your entire body under the blankets for the next eight hours. That'll give you some idea. Or get 20 hot water bottles and fill them all with the hottest water you can get from the tap. Get into bed and line them along the front of your body from chin to thigh, and pull your sheet and blanket over you. 3. This is one of those "what's more important to you?" scenarios. If you, as the cuddler, think your desire to cuddle outweighs your partner's physical comfort, then you keep cuddling until you drive him away with your clinginess. If you want to keep him as a partner, you cuddle for a bit, and accept it when he needs to pull away to avoid body heat buildup. You have other options, like putting some space between you but draping an arm over his chest, if continued physical contact is really important. If you can't compromise on that, maybe this isn't someone with whom you could have a successful long-term relationship, at least of the sort you seem to want.
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You might be surprised to learn that there is no single age of consent for the USA. This is a matter for each state to determine on its own, and some do in fact have 16 (or less) as the legal age. That said, in Florida, the state in question, the age is indeed 18. And state age of consent laws only apply within the state. Transporting someone under 18 across state lines or enticing them to cross themselves, for a sexual purpose, is a federal crime no matter what the age of consent is in either state.
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For clarity's sake, I would stress that "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" is not the same thing as "cheating". One can be in a relationship that's open enough to allow "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" that's perfectly OK with the partners. That said, if that kind of sex is good enough that it makes seriously hurting your partner (by cheating on the rules you've agreed to) acceptable, I'd say you are not a particularly good candidate for a relationship. At least, not with anyone decent. Have all the toilet block fucks you want, dude, just don't pretend to a partner that you aren't. If you do pretend, it's pretty much declaring yourself a shit person.
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Pretty strong words for a guy who (a) deliberately chose to create an account at this site, (b) posted repeatedly about his chasing interests, and (c) posted multiple nude photos of himself, now getting all prissy and indignant because no one has gotten around to removing him from the place he deliberately inserted himself. Incidentally, you claim it's "illegal". That simply isn't so. As a resident of Ottawa, you are presumably subject to the Personal Information Protection and Electronic Documents Act, which gives you LIMITED rights to request deletion of certain data from online providers. Most importantly, PIPEDA does not provide individuals with a right to request the deletion of their personal information when it is still required for the purposes for which it was collected. In other words, if BZ needs to retain information about you because you posted information here previously, and it deems that necessary for establishing who posted what and when, it is perfectly entitled to keep your information on file. BZ may CHOOSE to let you delete your account - but the posts you made will most likely remain visible. That wouldn't necessarily be the case if you were a resident of a country with stronger privacy rights (such as within the EU). But dude, you posted it, own up to it, and grow a pair.
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Here's the thing, though. That depends on finding "the one". Or, as Dan Savage says, the 0.72 that you round up to one. And I'm not putting that down in the slightest. I have a superb relationship (if I say so myself) and I'm very, very happy with it. But I was also very happy before I met him, and if I hadn't, I'm pretty damned sure I wouldn't have been better off sticking with one of the previous guys who was, in retrospect, a 0.45 or less. And had I not met him, I'd still have been pretty happy with my life. In fact, I suspect one reason I was able to see him for what he was and add him into my life is that I was already content with what I had. The problem I see isn't in saying that relationships are wonderful; it's the attitude that the OP has that of course a partner will stay forever, unlike friends, and of course that isn't necessarily so. And I've known way, way too many people over the years who start lamenting by 25 or so if they're not in a relationship and are constantly on the lookout for "the one" who will finally make them happy. The OP's friend seems to be in a place where he's happy with his life, and while he says he's not looking for a relationship, I suspect if "the one" (or the 0.75 or whatever) came along, he might well decide it's time to settle down. But I still contend it's better to be happy with oneself and one's life first, and not be seeking someone to fill in a gap. The guys in the best relationships I've known have usually said something like "he filled a gap I didn't even realize was there" - which is diametrically opposite to the guys who have their laundry list of what they want in a relationship ready to measure each guy they meet.
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To be honest, it's not that much more bothersome than so many other "faked" things in gay porn. For instance, there's nothing sillier than a guy in a sling with his wrists clearly in restraints that are then not clipped or locked to the sling's chains - where the bottom's hanging onto the chains instead of restrained by them. Or a guy getting "flogged" who takes like three light swipes from a flogger and is moaning like he's about to cum from the intensity. Or the fuck that you know only took 3 minutes from penetration to orgasm but by mixing up multiple camera angles you get a ten-minute fuck out of it. Seriously, a huge portion of what you see in commercial porn is badly, badly faked.
