Speaking as someone who has been there, you need to accept that bottoming bareback without PrEP is for all intents and purposes bugchasing. If you go bareback with one guy, you are going to be sorely tempted to go bare with the next one because it honestly feels that much better. I went from total condom nazi to letting one guy talk me into it (with the help of lots of poppers) to begging every top to fuck me bare within 3 months, and this was around 1990 when HIV was still pretty much a death sentence. I was totally bareback-only by 1995. I have no clue how I made it until PrEP came out without getting pozzed.
Somewhere along the line I realized I was an actual bugchaser. Then I met a guy, and we were monogamous for a long while. When we opened up our relationship even though we both knew it was risky, we went right back to barebacking the way we both had been before we met. Even though he truly loved me (he passed away last year), he still got off on lining guys up to breed me even though we both knew the next guy could have been poz either unknowingly or actively stealthing. We even did that at the bathhouse a few times on trips to big cities.
Is it possible to take bare loads and not get pozzed? Yes, but you cannot count on it. Does taking a bare load from one guy you trust make you more likely to take the next one bare? Yes, it almost always does. Does bareback feel good enough that guys will risk their health fuck after fuck for years? Absolutely, you need to decide if you want to be one of those guys.