Toon

Just be yourself. We're not all obsessed with size out here.

Note from Toon: Some of this story is based on real events and the people are composites of a few characters I really met. The locations are somewhat fictionalized. No real names are used and most of the sex stuff is entirely fictional. THIS A WORK OF FICTION PART 1 Kansas City, 1989 This story may be called "Ice Storm", but it all started about five months earlier. It was a horrible, record-breaking high temperature, humid Summer. I was 22 and doing freelance artwork for some rich,crazy woman who fancied herself some kind of expert on educating young people. I drew characters that were supposed to have no identifiable gender or race. I'd spend hours trying to sketch just such a thing. Never got it quite right, but she still paid me for my time. She'd come up with some crazy idea and I would try to help her realize it. I made enough for rent and a food - plus a few luxuries. It wasn't the life I'd dreamed of, but what else can you expect from some kid who'd just graduated with a fine arts degree? My ass was virginal, but my mouth sure as hell wasn't. I started sucking dick a week after I got my driver's license. I would sneak out to the rest area on I-35 in the middle of the night and suck off anybody who wanted it. Gross dudes, fat, old, ugly -- I didn't give a damn. I just swallowed as much semen as I could. I knew about HIV and AIDS. I knew it was mostly spread through butt sex...which I couldn't imagine even trying. It didn't even sound fun to me. I moved into a cheap apartment in a very gay community. I only picked the place because the rent was ridiculously cheap. It was known as a 'gayborhood' or a "gayted community". Waiters, addicts, students, starving artists, strippers, hookers -- we all formed a community here. At least my building had very thick walls and I didn't hear my neighbors unless they had fights...which happened a lot during this heat wave. I was mostly a friendly person, but not an especially confident one. My abusive dad had beaten all the self-worth out of me when I was a kid. Boo-Hoo, Poor me. I was over it. Don't feel sorry for me. Childhood sucks because that's the way it goes. I fantasized about eating pancakes on his grave some day. At least I had an excuse to not to visit him during holidays. Mom had died of lung cancer when she was 40. She didn't even smoke. I got up the courage to go to one of the twenty gay bars that were open back then. Most of them were close enough to walk to. I went to one of the sleaziest cruise bars called "Plantation". It was a collection of fetish enthusiasts of all types. I saw a few leather dudes which was a whole world I didn't know the first thing about. They all looked tough, mean and sexy as fuck. I was developing my ideals and new fetishes almost daily. I focused my attention on these guys and hoped they'd make eye contact. None did. Oh well - I wasn't about to go out and spend a fortune on leather clothing... only to find out they were all nelly and submissive. I just wanted dick. Hard dick. And cum. I moved up to the main floor where people danced and were more social. I hadn't danced in public ever. I never went to school dances or any of that teen bullshit. I liked music a lot, though. That's when I saw a neighbor from my building. Greg -- pretty average-looking, very tall and he had a 'roommate'. He also had a big, friendly doberman that I always petted and fussed over when we were in the elevator together. We were friendly - but all I knew about him was his name...and that his roommate/lover always had hickeys. "Hi! Glen -- right?" "Yeah. Hi, Greg." He seemed shocked that I was here. I had never given out much of a gay vibe. "I didn't know, man. It's good to see you." "Where's your boyfriend?" "Who? Oh, you mean David. We just share the rent - nothing else. I'm moving out soon... just a few blocks away. It's a house on Cherry street. Hold on - be right back...." He took off to greet some friends. He was one of those guys who knew everybody. I figured he came here a lot. He disappeared in a crush of people and I just sat at a little table with only one bar stool. Loser. It must have been stamped on my forehead. I watched people come and go. I decided to have one more beer and leave. I guess there must be a rest area close to here somewhere. I could always just go there and suck an anonymous dick. No sooner than I took my first swallow of the cold beer than Greg and his crowd walked by on their way out. "See ya, Greg." "Oh hey .... Glen. We're having an after-party at my new digs. I want you to meet my new roommate - Mark. He found the place. You can follow us. I held up my nearly full beer. "Don't worry about it...just stand in the middle of us. The bouncer don't care anyway. His pals helpfully moved me to the center of fags as we headed out. This place had a confederate flag in the window which I didn't like too much. As we walked out into the tropical night I felt some big hands with long fingers on my shoulders. "Hey! You're not allergic to dogs are you?" It was Mark. 6'4" and kind of gawky. "No. I love dogs. Does Greg still have the doberman?" "Two of them now." "Cool." "How old are you?" "23" (I was actually adding a year to my age back then!). "Cool. What do you do." "Art. Some writing." "You work for Hallmark?" "Nope. I applied and submitted a portfolio -- but they never called me. I just freelance now. What do you do?" "Maintenance." Well, that could mean anything. I kinda didn't care enough to ask more. "Finish your beer, man. You don't want to get stopped with an open container." I guzzled it down quickly just as we passed a mailbox. i dropped the empty bottle down the chute. Fuck the government. I hated Bush Sr. "What's the address?" "I'll ride with you and give directions. It's close. We'll be there in two minutes." "Cool." No attraction whatsoever. I could probably go for Greg -- but this guy? No. No way. We got there behind all the others. The party was on the porch I guess. Rainbow flags were everywhere, up and down the street...from porches, from poles. "I'm going to get you into bed tonight." Was he kidding? "Sure. Sounds good." Really cheap beer was being served in cans and I wasn't in any kind of position to turn down free beer. I just couldn't get rid of this Mark guy. He wasn't ugly or anything -- I just didn't sense anything between us would ever happen. The party moved inside once everyone got sick of the mosquitoes. I had to figure that at least a few of them were HIV +. It had finally hit the Midwest with a vengeance. There were no drugs for it except AZT and antibiotics for all the infections. It was looking pretty bleak back then. There were two bathhouses in town but I couldn't to do that. There was a bong being passed around. There were ten guys there -- I had plenty of experience with weed but among a bunch of strangers. It wasn't too long before before they were loading the bowl with a mixture of weed and cocaine. Fuck this. I was stuck in the background as always. SIGH. I wondered where the dogs were. I saw one of those baby gates blocking the kitchen. doorway. I walked over but Mark stopped me. This guy, I swear. "Careful. Georgie is pregnant and will bite you if you get too close." "OK. I think I'll go now." I could just grab another beer, drink it on the porch and go a few blocks home. Of course the Mark dude followed me out the door. "You're not much of a party guy, are you?" He rubbed one of his giant hands up and down my back. "Neither am I, really." "Why the hell would you burn up cocaine? Doesn't that destroy it?" He shrugged. "It must not. Greg does it every night. He has connections. Come back up on the porch and I'll get you another beer. We can sit on the swing." Maybe he wasn't so bad. He was friendly and I was sorely lacking friends in this city. "Where do you do maintenance at?" "Actually -- I'm just a janitor at the county hospital. It pays decent -- and I get benefits." "You see AIDS guys there?" "Oh yeah! Most of them are needle users. Heroine. Shit like that. But some are more and more gay guys who fucked around too much." "Wow," What do you say after that? I didn't have time to think before he was kissing me. Groping me. OK. I guess he was worth chance. For tonight anyway. He was tall and his giant hands were an indication of something, right? Still, I can't imagine our previous conversation had led to a make-out session. "We're kinda out in the open here...let's go inside." Sure. We each grabbed a beer and went past the party people who had taken their shirts off and were randomly pairing up to fondle each other's crotches and smooch. In just a few minutes - all sorts of unsafe behavior would be going on soon. Mark took me back to his bedroom even though there was no actual bed in there -- just a mattress with sheets on the floor. I had so many one night stands in the 90's with guys who didn't own a bed frame. It was pretty common. There was nowhere to sit except on his mattress. "Ha! See? I told you I'd get you into bed!" "Yeah." It wasn't that clever of a joke, but I smiled. We fooled around for a little while but he didn't seem too into it. He stopped me from trying to reach into his shorts. OK. I didn't get it, but I hated being the only one interested. We both silently agreed to call it a night. I showed myself out. The only two people left from the party were Greg and some random guy. They both still had pants on but you could tell they'd come off soon enough. I just got in my car and drove the few blocks home. I can't say it was a 'fun' night, but it was an experience I'd needed to have. Funny how I'd start getting obsessed with this Mark guy over the next few months. I'd see him from to time at Plantation and I tried like hell to get him interested in me again. I had a female friend (Gretel) who had told me that some guys would pursue her for weeks and, then, would get all cold if she expressed an interest back. I had so much to learn about relationships. In the Fall, I was finally hired by Hallmark as a writer. My art was not their style, but they liked my writing...and my ability to mix art with words. That took up most of my time. I became the 'golden boy' there and got raises almost every 8 weeks. This was back when people actually still bought greeting cards. It was a great time for me in most ways -- EXCEPT -- I still didn't have a boyfriend. Everything would have been completely perfect if I had a regular, a familiar dick to come home to. Mark's specifically. Oh well. I kept hunting. Had some luck with a few safe sessions with dudes from the bar. One guy was from out of town had stayed with me the whole weekend. I was sick of him as soon as soon as I'd cum. But he stayed until Sunday night when I dropped him off at the train station. His was the first ass I had eaten. I still wan't sure if I liked it. It seemed a little unsafe to me. By then the ghastly holiday season had begun. I had nowhere to go and no one to call...or send cards to. Whatever. I had upgraded my TV and my premium cable choices. I also bought a Nintendo and had already beaten Tetris to the end. Twice. Wasn't my life supposed to be better than this? I was getting stoned regularly and going to Plantation. I didn't see Mark much but I almost always saw Greg. He was friendlier than usual one night and wanted to chat. "You still single?" It was none of his business, but I needed a friend. "Yeah. How's Mark?" "I don't see him much these days." "I thought he and I would be a good match -- but he's all weird when we talk." "Don't worry 'bout it. You're too good for him. He's into older guys with facial hair." Well, fuck -- I couldn't grow a beard to save my life. It's probably lucky my parents weren't Mennonites. "Oh." "I can introduce you to people. I'm a big bar slut and know everybody. You're cute -- maybe too innocent, but still cute." "I'm not that innocent, Greg. But thanks." He grinned at me and led me down to the basement level where those leather guys were. Ugh. I guess I'd be single through the end of the year. It wasn't as unfriendly as I remember. I guess just being with Greg was like my ticket to join their world. Or maybe it was the leather bomber jacket I'd treated myself to. "I don't see anybody good enough for you tonight." Was he kidding? Just trying to be nice? Flirting??? "I'm not all that great, Greg." "I think you are." It was his roommate I was interested in, but you know it goes with beggars trying to be choosers. He wasn't so bad. Reddish brown hair, facial scruff that was pretty patchy. He wasn't quite as tall as Mark, but I wouldn't mind kissing that mouth. Just as we were about to maybe kiss -- one of his buddies interrupted - "Greg! You gotta come upstairs -- there's a fight! I think the cops are gonna come!" I'd seen the other guy here many times. I remember somebody telling me he was a thief. He'd come home with somebody and steal shit. I was pointedly not invited to join them as they raced away. Alone again....naturally. I saw Mark lurking in the corner. O bought two shots and took him one. "Hey, Stranger. I hear there's a fight upstairs." "It's already over." "Oh -- I got hired by Hallmark finally. I'm a writer in the humor department." "Cool. That makes you a catch. Good job, status. You're the whole package now." But obviously still not for him. I should go home and get really high while playing Mario Brothers. He took the shot but didn't bother to thank me for it. I needed a vaccine for my crush on him. He didn't want me, so why did I still want him? "Later." I bolted with what little dignity I had left. I ate at Denny's on Thanksgiving -- just so I could feel extra sorry for myself. Not bad. I even made a stop at the liquor store as a final 'fuck you' to the holiday. I got extra drunk and listened to the new New Order cassette I'd just bought. It was so, so good! I still love that group. It evokes a time and an emotion that will never happen for me again. Longing, hope, anticipation....I don't ever feel those things now. I made some friends at work. A lot of gay guys worked near there. I met one of them and we were almost sort of dating for a week or two. His thing was to have me kneel down in front of him as he ejaculated on my head and then rub his fingers through the jizz in my hair afterwards. Was that a thing? He was obsessed with my hair. We kind of fizzled out as a couple soon. I'd never date another person from work ever again. Too weird. Hell -- I'd just jack off every night. So much easier. I actually made it through Christmas without sinking completely into self-pity. But.BUT, New Year's Eve was coming -- and I needed to find someone, anyone. I needed a kiss at midnight just once. The Winter was especially cruel that month. The worst ice storm in history was heading our way. Of course. The perfect end to a very imperfect year. PART 2 December 30, 1989 Friday. Hardly anybody was at work. It was a Friday right before a holiday. I still had no plans yet. Fuck it. I'd find somebody at Plantation -- anybody would do. I'd suck whatever dick was there -- I'd even fuck without a rubber if I had to. Fuck safety, fuck shyness -- I'd dive into the first crotch I saw. I left early. The parking garage was empty. Just my lonesome. piece-of-shit car. The sky was getting ominous and the wind had a certain dangerous, freezing smell. I stopped at the bar before happy hour had even officially began. The bartender was a Falcon Video come to life. Muscular, mustache and mostly silent. He was friendlier than usual and gave me happy hour prices on my beer. Maybe he knew the storm was coming and he wouldn't be hauling in big tips tonight. He looked like a complete boss top, but I found out later that he was a total bottom that moved to Florida to live with some doctor. Still nice to look at. I scanned the bar for a dick, any dick to bring home before the storm. Looks and age didn't matter anymore. Oh, Jesus -- there was Mark. He'd found somebody already. A big guy with a salt and pepper beard and weighing about 350 pounds. Yeah...I'd never be his type. Not for a decade at least. And a strict diet of french fries. And probably a fake beard too. The super-hunk bartender tapped me on the shoulder. ''Hey, cutie -- it's starting to rain ice out there. You best get home." He handed me a free shot and a card with his number on it, Cool! His name was Thomas. I left feeling a little hopeful. I knew better than to fall for a bartender -- but, hey, I had to give it shot. Maybe the storm would pass and maybe the temperature would get warmer and maybe, maybe , maybe. Maybe I'd resolve to start being more optimistic in 1990....starting now. Right now. No, really...NOW. No sooner had I decided that when I slipped on the icy sidewalk and landed hard on my ass. This was going to be worse than I thought. Shit. The short drive home was definitely going to be treacherous. My dad used to be an expert at driving in bad weather, but I'd never paid attention to anything he ever said or did. I hated him. It took almost 40 minutes to drive seven blocks. I made it safely despite the multiple fender-benders and the slow as hell salt trucks ahead of me. The doorman let me in. "Hope you got food stored - this is going to be a bad storm." He was a geeky blonde college kid who I'd seen play Risk -- by himself. I wasn't sure if he lived in the building or not. "You live far from here?" "No. Like four blocks away, with my girlfriend. I just walk." Oh. OK. I wondered how many gay residents here had hit on him. Probably more than a few was my guess because he pulled that girlfriend story out right away. Whatever. Looks like I'd be trapped here for the weekend. I guess I could always just start knocking on doors. 'Hey. Want a blow job?' At least we hadn't lost power yet. I had almost a half ounce of weed, a twelve pack of beer and the Nintendo. I thought of my dad who lived still lived in the same house I grew up in. He'd be in the dark already if the same storm had hit there. I needed to eat something. I'd start with stuff from the freezer first in case the power did go out first eventually. Something so sad about a sexless single guy eating frozen pizza four nights a week. SIGH. Forty minutes later and I was playing video games with the AM news station. At least, back then. it wasn't constant right wing hate 24 hours a day. Man, I hoped Bill Clinton would really become the next president. I thought he was kind of sexy. "Authorities are advising people to stay off the streets and highways. If you're stuck in traffic right now--please be patient. We're getting some initial reports power outages in outlying areas. Keep it here on 790 for more on Ice Storm '89." Wow. It already had a name and everything. Even from seven floors up, I could hear tires spinning uselessly on the icy avenue. Poor bastards. I needed to get stoned. For a bit of college nostalgia, I made a makeshift pipe from an empty aluminum can. It's easy. I got a a decent buzz quickly. Time for headphones and tunes! It was a normal Friday night for me after all. Tomorrow was New Year's Eve and I could wait until then to get good and depressed. I was getting really into old Pink Floyd these days and thought "Wish You Were Here" was just about the most perfect thing I'd ever listened to. Every song seemed personal to me back then. It was like being a teenager when you let the Top 40 act as your diary. I became 13 right when rock was fading and New Wave was hitting the airwaves. Let the whole world freeze over now, I didn't care anymore. At some point I woke up feeling super hungry. It was 11 at night. I sat in the kitchen and ate two Snickers bars from the freezer. Then I opened a cold beer and sat at the kitchen table where the phone was being so obviously silent. No messages. No nobody. I needed to call around and see if I could find some company. I figured Thomas was still working or stuck somewhere, but I called anyway. No answer. I looked in the silverware drawer, under the tray where I'd kept phone numbers from random hookups. I tried to remember the faces that went with the names. They all had dicks worth sucking. Who was that one guy, that flight attendant who wanted to fuck me? I just had never done that. Even if I had an actual vagina back there, it just seemed too invasive, too dangerous. It also felt 'weak'. Like I'd be giving up too much. Fuck it. If I could come across a dick tonight, I'd let it do whatever it wanted. Some of them were different area codes -- had to rule those out. Mark! Maybe he'd be done with his new Santa guy by now. I waited until I'd opened my third beer before I finally called his number. Greg. "Hello?" "Hi, Greg. It's Glen. Is Mark there?" "No. Do you know where he is?" "Nope." Idiot. Why would I call if I knew where he was already? "I'm getting worried. I wrecked on Prairie Drive. Nothing major. I just hit a fence outside that Korean church. No tow trucks or cops gonna come in this weather." "Well, I'm glad you made it home safe." "Yeah. I am just now thawing out. What are you doing?" "Not much. Got a little stoned and listened to music. I was going to watch "Up All Night" on USA. It's always something terrible but funny." "Cool. The dogs are so nervous. They hate storms and they hate it when both of us aren't home." "I haven't even looked outside. Is it still coming down?" "I think it's stopped, but the damage is done. Ain't nobody going nowhere tonight." "Well. I haven't got any plans for the weekend. So I'll let the city figure it out. Hey - did you sell all the puppies already?" "Sure did. Got 200 bucks apiece." "I bet they were cute." "Yeah. It broke my heart every time I sold one. There should be a new litter by Spring. Want one?" "Maybe. I started a new job at Hallmark and should be moving to a bigger place some day." "Congratulations! That's so cool." "Yeah. I like it a lot there." "It's nice talking with you, I wish you were here now, I want to be with you," The same thought had been going through my mind. "Same here, Greg. Your house is only a few blocks away. I can't drive, but I could always walk." "OK. That'd be great. If you walk on the grass, it's not so bad. Just be careful crossing the street." "You got any beer?" "No. Nothing. You got some?" "Sure. Give me about 30 minutes." "Bye." CLICK I couldn't believe I was so horny that I'd walk on pure ice to get some cock, some cum. From a guy who'd never commit to anything long-term. He had a needy boner just like I did. I'd taken a few photography classes in art school and some relative had given me a nice leather camera bag. It was big enough to put eight cans of beer in -- if you left the camera and equipment out. I also put two cans in each of my coat pockets too. I also rolled a picture-perfect joint and took that too. I was so glad we hadn't lost electricity in the neighborhood. As I walked through the lobby I saw the dumb-ass doorman playing Yahtzee with himself. "You're not driving in this, are you?" "Nah. I'm just going to get some photos of the storm damage." I pointed to my camera bag as if there was a camera in it. "Make sure you have your keys. I might not be here when you get back." "Got 'em." Jerk "Well, be careful." I didn't even answer that as I walked outside and felt the arctic air wash over me. It was cleanest, purest atmosphere you could ever hope to breathe. Greg was right: the sidewalks were not safe to tread upon. I walked o the crunchy grass before I had to cross the avenue. I didn't own any shoes with tread made for this weather. I just slid diagonally over to Greg's street like I was riding a surfboard. I only fell once. The steps up to Greg's house were tricky, but I managed to crawl up them like a panther on the prowl. His porch light was already on. Greg answered the door wearing only pajama bottoms, socks and a bathrobe. Cool. There'd be sex!! "How is it out there?" "You gotta be careful but it's not too bad walking." "Come sit down, get warm." I took off my coat and put down the camera bag. He already had the heat turned up pretty high. There was no TV in the living room -- I'd never seen such a thing. He had a boom box which was set on some bubblegum pop station I never listened to. 94.6 FM. So I guess we were going to have to fill the time making conversation. "So have you been, Greg?" "Not so bad -- until tonight. I didn't really mess up the car too bad. I only have liability insurance, but I guess I don't have to worry about paying the church for damage to their fence. " It was so warm in here. "Want a beer?" "Hell yeah!" I opened my camera bag and opened two of them out for us. Still cold. I thought I drained beers fast, but Greg swallowed almost all of his before I'd even opened mine. That gave me yet another excuse to drink a lot, quickly. "How are the dogs?" "They spend Winters at my brother's farm in Texas. It's warmer there." We opened more beers, "Is that where you're from? Texas?" "Yeah. You can't tell by the accent? Where are you from?" "Oklahoma." "Wow. You sound like you're from Chicago or somewhere like that." "I've tried my whole life to lose any trace of how my dad talked." Greg nodded. I guess most of us had shitty relationships with our dads. "You're tense. Why?" "I'm not. I'm just....I'm not tense." I was more horny than tense. He had very hairy legs. I couldn't stop looking at them. Oh hell -- I found the joint I'd brought and held it up. "Care to partake?" "Wow. You are a great guest! I would have never guessed you smoked." So we shared the weed and I moved down to the floor (I've always been more comfortable on the floor). Maybe I'd get glimpse up his robe -- not that he wouldn't have just let me open it and get a good look. "Look -- I'm sorry you and Mark didn't work out. He's a flake, man. If I had a guy like you interested in me -- I'd be over the moon!" I was starting to not mind the music so much. Madonna's "Like a Prayer" was on and I loved that song. "Thanks. Did you ever see the Pepsi commercial with Madonna in it? I only saw it once before they pulled it." "No. The video is weird."We finished the joint. And I opened more beers for us while he lit a cigarette. "Want one?" Sure - what the hell? He handed me the one directly from his perfect lips. I kept looking at his long, thick fingers. (also hairy) "You have great hands, Greg." "Yeah? Talk to me about those hands." His voice got deeper. I grabbed his hand -- and slowly sucked each finger. I didn't even know I was into hands until now. "You have manly hands. Big knuckles, I just really like them." "Nice. What do you like to do?" "I pretty much just like to suck dick." Did I really say that out loud? I was fucked up! Shit. "Well...that's a place to start..." He opened his robe and I saw his dick was already hard. It was an usual specimen.,,tiny head and a shaft that quickly got fatter as it went down to the base. Like, WAY fatter. "You like this?" I didn't even bother to answer. A hard dick was inches away and I put my mouth on it immediately. DAMN! I needed this badly. I sucked and sucked until I wore both of us out. "Whoa -- take a break for a minute." I needed to pee anyway. "Where's your bathroom?" He pointed in a general direction as he lit another cigarette. I found it and closed the door. I'm ashamed to admit that I always snooped in other people's medicine cabinets when I used their bathrooms. Good God! The whole thing was full of prescription bottles. Nearly half were for Greg, the other half for Mark. Fuck! AIDS? Right? Fuck! Wait, wait...maybe they just both had allergies really bad. But in the middle of Winter? Dammit -- I'd pretend I never saw all that shit. I just peed and left. I didn't see anything. Nothing. Greg was stroking his boner. "Take off your clothes already!" I did. Even the socks. He was just in his socks but soon peeled those off too. We were completely nude together. I had a stiffy that just wouldn't go down. "You sucked me so good -- I need some lotion on my dick." "Sorry." "Don't be sorry -- just follow me. I got some special lotion you can put on it for me." I was in a trance just watching the tiny, round butt attached to his long lean backside. His bed was perfectly made and there was a small nightlight on an outlet near the floor. He already had a tube of "lotion" uncapped on the nightstand. It was very obviously lube. Butt sex lube. OK. I knew this was day was coming. I was going to have to take it up my butt. Life is full of doors. The doors to sorrow are numerous and always open, but the there are very few doors leading to joy. I finally found one and couldn't turn back now. I went through that door and flopped on the bed. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I saw that the headboard was this weird imitation leather and there were two wrist straps attached on the sides. OK. This guy was hardcore. We were both naked and both very hard. I was on my back. He sat on my chest with his bare ass. "You want one last taste before I put the lube on?" Yes. I wanted him to fuck my face and gag me with that fat, pointy dick. He pretty much did just that. I gulped and only gagged a little once. He was really going to town, but pulled away just as it sounded like he was going to cum. "Stop!" His sweat was dripping all over me. "Did you bring a condom with you?" "No. I had no idea it would get this far." "Well...I will try to pull out before I nut." He put a generous amount of lube on his cock and a little bit on my asshole which I worked in with a finger. I was about to let a guy with a tons of prescription bottles enter me with no latex covering his dick. So be it. "I don't have the greatest luck" "I want you, Greg. ALL of you." He put my wrists through the straps, hoisted my legs over his shoulders. "Can you turn a little more light on? I want to see you." He had to stretch to reach a little table lamp. It was a very low wattage but at least I could see more of him. He was not a particularly handsome man, but he looked like an angel in this lighting. I wanted him to kiss me, but he was so horny that he wanted to fuck. And so it began -- He worked that tiny head in and it barely hurt. It wasn't until he pushed the fat shaft further that I had decided to change my mind. "NO!" I could barely handle it. "NO! STOP!" "Shh. Just a little bit more. It'll get better. Just hang on." I'd asked for this. As I got used to his cock inside me, it felt better...much better. It wasn't like I could push him off of me anyway. That helplessness helped me enjoy the throbbing waves of pleasure radiating from my inner rectum. My whole body was shaking and that seemed to really get him enthused. My complaints had turned to moans. "Fuck I'm gonna cum." "Don't pull out, Greg. Get me pregnant." "You sure?....ahhhh...DAMN! Here you go, man!" I felt so gypped that I couldn't feel the spurts go into my guts. The mental image was enough, I guess. He fell on top of me and started sucking on my neck hard. He was leaving a hickey for sure. I couldn't stop him. He was so sweaty and had a certain smell that wasn't quite B.O -- but close. Greg was exhausted. He undid my straps and flopped down next to me, breathing heavily. He was asleep within five minutes while I just wanted to go home. I mean, he'd already told me he was a bar slut and couldn't be tied down. I knew I'd just had very risky sex and would probably need to get tested in a few weeks. I had a good medical plan, but it wouldn't kick in until next month. I was told I would not be covered if I was injured jumping out of an airplane. That's pretty much what I'd done. I'd landed safely --but in a nest of scorpions. I went to the living room and got dressed. I knew it was rude to take the rest of my beer with me. You're supposed to leave it with the host, but this probably wouldn't happen again anytime soon. I sat on his couch and drank one of them as fast as I could. I also grabbed his pack of cigarettes, lit one and put it in my coat pocket. Double rude. I could hear Greg snoring from here. It was still icy as fuck outside. Like I even cared now. At this point, even falling and breaking all my teeth out would be OK compared to what I'd just done. What I'd just done to myself. It was a weird sensation to be out at this hour and not see a single car on the streets. Just the haunted sound of Northern wind and crackling, snapping branches. It was the sound of tiny bones breaking. Yep - the doorman was gone by the time I got to my building. I fished out my keys and my hands were numb (I seriously needed to buy some gloves). The power was still working. Miracle. The phone was ringing as I got in the door. Greg? Thomas? I rushed to the kitchen and answered. "Hi." Its was Gretel -- my old high school friend. The first person I came out to. The oven on my clock said 1:10 AM. She rarely called me and never this late. "What's up." "I saw you guys had a big ice storm down there. It was on the news even." "Yeah. It's something else alright. No parties tomorrow night." "Remember that one New Years Eve when we drove around until we found somewhere that would sell us beer? It didn't take long." "It was smart of us to let you go in alone. That guy was so in love with you." "They're called 'tits', Glen." She'd only bought a six-pack but it was enough to make us sick. We were amateurs. I'd gone on to college while she stayed behind for some guy who ended up dumping her when she told him she wanted a baby. She'd only ever planned to be a wife and a mother. "What have you been up to, Gretel?" 'Well..." I knew what she was about to tell me. "I'm pregnant." "Funny. So am I." END

I already knew the myth wasn't true about big feet. And 6.5" isn't small at all. Like I said - if a guy likes a good foot rub and likes his toes sucked, that's all I care about. Anything else that follows is a bonus.

Almost too many too count. Maybe I was improperly potty-trained or something. I love feet above all else. If a guy has nice big feet, I don't care what the rest of him looks like. I like tatts, body hair, tall men, sweat, piss....and so much more.

Note from Toon: This is my very first attempt at science fiction. I'm one of those rare nerds who never got into Star Wars or Star Trek.When I was 15, one of my sisters gave me a collection of Ray Bradbury stories. I liked most of them. I could never compete with his writing skills, but this work of fiction is dedicated to him. For Ray PART ONE Greenville, Mississippi 1961 I was in my senior year of high school and just hoping to scrape by (by the skin of my teeth) and get a diploma. It had been a year of distractions. Mama had one of major nervous spells and was now in that ugly brick institution next to the woods. Daddy owned a hardware store downtown and was there almost always. I sometimes worked there, but he wanted me to focus on my studies so I could get into Ol' Miss. I'd already gotten my rejection letter, but hadn't told anyone. My other distraction was Carl -- my best friend since kindergarten. At thirteen, we'd started "messing around". It started with us just comparing our dicks - when soft and when stiff. It then progressed to yanking off together, followed by us yanking each other off. Just last year we started sucking each other's wangs. I liked it way to much. Just this past December, he'd corn-holed me in his tree house. It didn't hurt so bad and we both enjoyed it a lot. He always asked before he came if he could unload inside of me and I always said "Fill 'er up!" He taught me to smoke and could always sneak some of his daddy's booze up to the tree house. He was my favorite distraction in so many ways. The newest distraction, however, was Vena - our new maid. She came in every day but Thursday when Daddy and I went out to eat burgers and fries. She wasn't one to tell on me, but she was a religious woman and would look at me and say "Mm Hmm". She was a very pleasant, round black woman who made the best fried chicken you've ever had in your whole life. Wonderful desserts as well. I adored her despite her long, shameful looks at me after Carl and had been off on some adventure together. She liked it when I would sit in the kitchen with her and just talk about the world. We'd smoke cigarettes and chat away while the radio played her station. If she was in a really good mood, Vena and I would have afternoon cocktails in front of the TV so she watch her stories. She liked Daddy too because he paid her very well -- more then even some of his workers down at the hardware store, and her daughters were always welcome in our house. She'd usually have only one drink while I always had two or three. She also liked it when my 'girlfriend' came over to study. Becky and I had really never done much together except kiss. I played dumb and never took any of her hints about going further. Carl had a fake girlfriend too, One night, she stayed later than usual because Dad would be kept down at the store 'doing the books'. I didn't need a babysitter but I guess she had found something in my room and wanted to talk about it. "I tell ya somethin', Andrew...if ya'll want to keep secrets in your room then you best learn to clean it your own self." She'd found my rejection letter from Ol' Miss. "I take it your daddy don't know 'bout this?" "No." "You need to tell him." "I will." "Let's go sit on the porch...it's a nice evening and this house is gettin' stuffy." That's when we saw it. It was a rainbow of puke colors twisting in the sky. "Looks like the Northern Lights - but they shouldn't even be visible from here." "What cause that?" "It's got a name, but I don't remember it. (bad student, remember?) Supposed to be caused by the magnetic poles." But the colors didn't seem right. The photographs I'd seen in science books made the lights look very pretty. This, however, was particularly ugly. It seemed very close as well...like you could almost touch it. And then it changed -- you see thousands of thin strands twisting apart from the light. "It look like cobwebs, don't it?" It did. It seemed like they were raining down on the dense woods just outside town. "Maybe we should go inside. I smell something funny." "Oh that just Mr. Larry from next door. He was out sprayin' his bushes with a damn gas mask on. I ain't never seen nobody spray as much chemicals as that man." It was starting to make me sick so I told Vena I was going inside." "OK. There's some pie left. Your daddy should be home before too long." Vena made the best lemon creme pie I'd ever had. "There's over a half a pie left. Take it home to your family." "I just maybe might eat it all on the bus ride home, Andrew!" If Vena wasn't so wonderful, I might miss Mama a lot more. I walked over to the bar and made a pitcher of martinis. Vena arched an eyebrow. "You ain't but barely 18, boy - no need to start all that so soon. Don't be in a hurry to be a grownup - you gonna have to be one for the rest of your life." "It's for Daddy. I'm going to tell him about the letter when he gets home." "Mm Hmm. You do that. See ya'll in the morning." "Good night, Vena." She gave me a quick hug "Good luck, Baby." I decided to have a quick drink myself before he got home. I watched the night sky through the window, The lights were all but gone and I was relieved. I called Carl's house from the kitchen phone. "Hello?" "Evening, Mrs. Holland, is Carl there?" "Nope. He's out somewhere. I thought he was with you." "No," "Well, he should be home soon. I'll tell him you called. Good night, Andrew." So I just sat at the bar and had a cigarette and sipped a martini. And then another. I guess I always knew I'd be a smoker and a drinker when I grew up. I'd just be smart about it. Another hour passed and another pitcher was made. My drinking with Carl had built up a tolerance in me I guess. I saw his lights come up the driveway. I could tell by the way he slammed the car door that he was not in a great mood. Maybe I'd show him the letter tomorrow. He blustered in the front door. Yep - he was unhappy already. "Hi, Daddy. I made you a drink. Figured you might need one." "Goddamn right I do. Shit day." He was getting used to Mama not being around because he would never say swears in front of her. It occurred to me that she might never come home. "I might need you to come back to the store and help keep an eye on things. Some fucker has been stealing!" He was scratching the back of his neck furiously. "I can do that." "On top of it all, I got some kind of bug bite on my head and on my neck." "Mosquitoes? So early?" "Hell -they never leave. It was that or a spider. Power went off for a few minutes too. Did it go out here?" "No - but there was a weird magnetic storm over the woods tonight. Maybe a solar flare or something." "Take a look at the back of my neck, would ya?" I l did...it looked like a tiny blackhead is all. "Looks like a small bite is all. I don't think it was a mosquito though. It's not hardly red." "Christ. You been smokin'?" "Yeah." "Well, You're not a kid anymore. Your growth sure as hell can't be stunted now, I suppose." Dad drank fast and I poured him another. He never liked olives or lemon twists or cocktail onions in his drinks. I loved olives. I them poured one for myself. He shook his head. "I guess that Carl showed you how to drink too. Kid's bad news, Andy. I told you that from the start." "But aren't you glad I'm not hiding it?" "I s'pose. I need you to do me a favor, Son." "Sure." "I need you visit your mother tomorrow. It's been too long. It's been too long since she seen you." "I've written her, sent cards -- she never wrote back. She has never called neither. I know they're allowed to use the phone if they want to." "But you miss her, right?" I shrugged. "You only get one mother, Andrew. It might do her a world of good to see you." I knew better than to mention he hadn't been to see her in months. "Vena left you two pork chops, green beans and mashed potatoes in the fridge. I can warm it up for you." "Don't bother -- I'll just drink my dinner tonight. We got any of them spicy nuts left?" It got to be near 10 o'clock and Daddy had already gone to bed nearly an hour ago. I stayed up in case Carl called, but the drinks had made me tired. I lingered a bit and watched the TV news a little before finally going upstairs. Damn Carl. Where could he be so late on a Thursday night? Who was he with? As I passed by Daddy's room, I heard him groan. He was prone to nightmares sometimes. But no. I could hear his bed springs sing out and the unmistakable sound of him yanking off. I knew everybody did it. But I'd never heard him do it. So weird. He was really, really enjoying himself. I left quickly and went to brush my teeth. Both me and Vena and a few other people thought he was screwing Miss Leibert from the the bank. I remember Vena saying "He a right handsome man - if he was to have an affair with that cheap-ass woman, I wouldn't even be surprised." I guess he was getting all he needed from his right hand now. PART TWO Mom's car had pretty much become mine now. I gave myself permission to skip school that Friday morning. Vena was surprised to find me still in bed when she arrived. "What in the hell, boy?" "Leave me be, Vena. I'm goin' to visit Mama this morning." She sucked her teeth and thought a minute. "You sure you ready for that? It been awhile." "Yeah. It's no big deal. Last time I was there, she didn't seem to know who I was." "Your daddy know 'bout this?" "He's the one making me go." "Get up and get ready. I'll make you some breakfast and then I got to go to the grocery." I didn't bother with a shower because I just didn't care about what any of those nut house people thought of how I looked like. I just put on the smoke-soaked clothes from yesterday. I got downstairs to keep Vena company while she cooked. "Did you even bother to comb your damn hair? Wash your face?" "No. Why bother?" "Ain't got no time for this horse shit, Andrew. I got a bunch of bug bites waitin' for the bus last night." "Look - you can take my car to the market. I'll just wait til you get back." That cheered her right up. She put some pancakes down in front of me with a glass of milk and a glass of pineapple juice.I gave her my keys and she started to walk out. "Oh I almost forgot. My youngest drew a picture for you." She pulled it from her purse. It looked like a worm with teeth and legs. She'd written 'FoR AndREw' at the top. "She knows how to spell already?" "Oh she's a smart one. Knew all her letters by three. She impresses the hell out those ladies at the preschool." "Is it a bug?" "I don't never ask her what somethin' is - I just tell her it good. It's to build her seff esteem." "I like it. I'll draw something for her too." "That'd be real sweet. I should be back in an hour. I got to pick up some dry cleanin' for your daddy first." As soon as she left, I dumped the breakfast in the trash and went over to make myself a coke with whiskey in it. Wasn't no way I was gonna visit that place without a drink or two in me. No sooner had I made the drink and lit a cigarette than I heard a knock on the patio door that led to the back yard. I somehow knew it was Carl. I mean, who else? It was. I held the smoke in my mouth and opened the sliding glass door. Was I mad at him? He never called. I guess we'd never put a label on what we were to each other, but I needed him. Lousy cur. "I guess you decided to skip too." "No," I answered coldly,"I'm going to visit my mother in a little while." "Oh. Come outside for a minute. I got somethin' to show you." We'd played this game before. He'd say just those words and it usually meant he was going to show me is his big, hard wang and then I'd suck it or let him fuck me with it. Not today, pal. I wasn't in the mood. "Nah. Vena will be back soon." "No she won't. I just saw her drive away while I was walking over. She acted like she didn't see me. I guess that nigra don't like me." "No. You don't use that word around me....ever. I've gotta go. Have fun." "Wait! What's wrong?" "Did your mom tell you I called?" "No. I haven't been home all night." "Why? With who?" "I went to the woods. Alone. I thought I'd see what was going on with where those lights led to. I thought it was a UFO or something." "You did that for the whole night?" He so full of shit. "Yeah. It was magical." His arms and face were pocked with the same bites my daddy had. "How?" "I got to show you. You can leave if you want, but I still got to do this..." And then popped out his fat red dick and started yanking off right there on the patio. I couldn't help but watch. He was so much bigger than I was. "Sure you don't want to get down here and help out?" "Nah. I'm good." And then he shot his wad. And - it was jet black. Like ink. The hell? "What...what happened?" There was a black/dark brown puddle of it right there on the brick patio, "I don't know, Andy. I've beat my pud six times since midnight. If your bedroom was on the first floor, I would have come in the window and fucked your ass 'til morning." "Maybe you need to go see a doctor, Carl." "Hell no. I've never felt so good. I don't even think I'll ever need sleep again -- that's how good I feel." "But that's abnormal, Carl. Your sperm is black. It's toxic." "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just wait til it happens to you. You'll see." And then he left. I'd have to clean that wet stain up later. I wanted another drink. What was going on? Bugs and masturbation? What was the connection? And the lights? I felt queasy. I went back inside and found that all the ice had melted. It was watery now. I took a few long sips and then added some more whisky. Had another cigarette. I was thinking about all the weirdness that had happened since last night. Vena was home. Thank the Lord she didn't arrive while Carl was here. I rushed to help her with the bags. She could smell the whisky. "I swear, boy. I ain't in no mood for your nonsense. People are drivin' crazy today. You best go now and get off the streets before it gets too nuts." She realized what she'd said. "Sorry. I didn't mean..." "Don't worry about it." "You do like yourself a drink don't you. Don't turn into my husband or I slap the mouth off your face." "I'm going now. I just want to get this over with." She shook her head and watched me leave. There was something up alright. So much careless driving and loud honking. I couldn't wait to get out of town and onto to the two-lane highway. I wasn't looking forward to this. Not all. And then I was there. Ugh. There was plenty of parking space because nobody came here unless they had to. First thing you notice about Klaussen Hospital is the strong smell of ammonia and pee. It would be a long time before I ever came back. Vena's sister worked here somewhere but I think it was in the kitchen. I signed in at the desk. "Oh. The nurse from Diane's floor is right here -- let me fetch her. A plump nurse with a blonde beehive came out and smiled. "You came on a good day. She likes sitting outside these days. It gives her color and helps her sleep better. She'll be happy to see you. I'm Nancy." Whatever. I followed her out to 'the garden' where I saw her right away. Her eyes were closed and she was soaking up the late morning sun. Nancy had the attendant bring another chair so I could sit across from her. I sat and she opened her eyes. "Hi, Mama." "Yes, yes. Absolutely." She just grinned at me like an idiot. "How are you feeling?" "Perfect! I remember you. Henry?" That was her brother's name. "No. I'm Andrew. I'm your son." "Hush now, Henry. Will you read to me? Play your records for me?" "Sorry. No." I left. The attendant opened the door for me. I just left and drove home. "That was fast." Vena saw me come in. "She was so out of it, she didn't know who I was." "Go rest, baby. I'll bring you a snack later. They drug them pretty heavy there. Don't let it fret you none. I put clean sheets on your bed." I remember falling asleep to the memory of Carl's dick spurting that black goo. It was well past five when Vena finally woke me up with a sandwich and a cold bottle of coke. She stroked my hair lovingly. "It'll all be OK, baby. There's part of your mama who loves you deep inside somewhere." You eat up and come downstairs and keep me company." The sandwich was peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. My favorite. She was also baking a chocolate cake -- I could smell it from here. I sat at my desk and drew a picture for Poppy - Vena's four year old daughter. I was pretty good at drawing.Best in my class. I drew a beautiful woman sitting on a picnic blanket with flowers all around around her. I signed it and wrote 'For Poppy With Love' at the top. I put my shoes on and headed downstairs with the drawing, my plate and most of the coke left in the bottle. Vena was singing one of her gospel songs. She had a perfect voice. I stopped at the bar and topped off the coke with more whisky. "Thank you, Vena." I meant that for so many reasons. "Come sit with me for a spell. Tell me all about it." We smoked and shared my spiked Coke. "I hate that place. I hate everything about it. I'm never going back." "Hush that now. She jus' a little sick is all. She'll get better and move back." I could tell even she didn't believe that. "Carl has called three time today. I don't like that boy." "He's okay, really. My best friend." "Mm Hmm. I think your daddy want to cook out this weekend - can you go out and make sure the grill is clean?" "Yeah." It was still light out. Would I call Carl back? Maybe. I was getting curious." And then I saw that not only had the puddle of his spunk, dried --but it was moving. The hell? I got on my knees and looked closer. Tiny, tiny little bugs. Aphids? No. They were worm-like with scorpion tails and pincers on the head. They were scattering fast. I jumped away and went back inside. Holy fuck! I do believe the world was ending. Carl's weird black sperm had turned into actual bugs. I brought the whole bottle of whiskey to the kitchen. "What? You look like you seen a ghost." I could breathe again. "Have you seen weird things lately, Vena?" "Like what?" "Bugs?" "Little, black, shiny things? Yeah I saw a bunch of them when I was changing your daddy's sheets. I'm a tell him he need to call the exterminator." A man's nut was changing into bugs now. "There's an infestation of some sort. I saw them out back." "Mm Hmm. It's somethin' new. I find new weeds in my garden near ev'ry day. Things I ain't never seen before." The oven timer went off. Vena took the beautiful cake out of the oven. It was looking perfect - just like everything else she baked. "It got to cool first before I can frost it, Don't touch it boy. We need to talk, Andrew. Your Daddy is gonna be late tonight. He done got hisself a date, That lady from the florist store. Ain't none of my bizness what a man do, but he wanted me to tell you. I think he jus tjhink he wanted me to tell you. What you thinkin' 'bout?" "I guess he's lonely. Mama ain't never coming home." "Well - I told him all what you said 'bout your visit. He my boss, Andrew. I wasn't tryin' to tell on you. Want me to stay late. We can play cards and look at TV. I'll make that cheese popcorn you like." "No. Just give Poppy this." I handed her the drawing. "Dear Lord! She gonna love this! You got talents, boy! You did this all on you own?" "Yeah. I like drawing." "This lady look kinda like your Mama in those pictures I seen hangin' in the living room." "It's Paula Prentiss." "You put in shading and ev'rything. She gonna be in love you more than she already is." She got up on her tip-toes and kissed me on the forehead. "You so sweet." The phone rang. "I'll get it, Vena. It's probably Carl." She nodded and started to go mix her frosting. "Hey Buddy!" (Carl) "Hi." "My folks are goin' to a party tonight. Want to come over and watch 'Nightmare Theater' with me?" Carl and his bug-filled sperm. Could I handle that? "What time?" "Sometime after supper. Come when it gets dark out." "OK. Want me to bring booze?" "Nah. I got everything. Bring your sleeping bag and your toothbrush." "See you tonight." CLICK. No sooner had I hung up the phone when it rang again. It was Becky. "Where were you today? We had a pep assembly and a pop quiz in Chemistry." "Pep assembly? For what? I thought everything was over for the year." "Silly! The basketball team is in the run for the regional championship." "Oh. Who cares." "Oh, you're in a fine mood." "I went to see my mama today." "Oh. Is she not better yet?" Idiot "So I guess you don't want to go see that new Vincent Price movie tonight." No "Well - I'll go with Mitch Montgomery I guess. A girl can't go by herself to a movie on Saturday night." Fine with me "Okay. Bye." CLICK I'd forgotten to ask if she'd gotten any bug bites recently. Maybe it didn't affect women the same way it did men. Vena seemed the same. I went back out to the kitchen where Vena was frosting the cake. It looked like something out of Good Housekeeping magazine. "I added some orange zest to the icing...make it a little extra special. Who called? Was it Becky?" "Yeah," I answered. "Something goin' on with you two? I don't hardly never see her these days." I shrugged. I poured myself some more whisky into what was left of my already spiked coke. Vena pretended she didn't notice. "Oh Lord - it look we gonna have a storm coming through tonight." "You can take the car, Vena. I'll just walk over to Carl's. He lives close." "I swear -- you is the sweetest boy ever." "Not really. But thank you. No sense in getting rained on or getting more bug bites." "Oh, they fine now. Healed right up already. Don't even itch none." I turned on the TV to see the local news. Hurricane season had just begun and the last one did a number on our roof. Rain was likely but they said it wasn't due until close to midnight. Less than an inch. I went to report to Vena what the weatherman said. "Yeah - they sayin' the same thing on the radio. I had to change the station because they was playin' that same commercial for the used car place over and over." "Daddy always says not to ever do business with a place that advertises too much -- they have to make back that money somewhere." "He right. Smart man. You gettin' hungry, child? Or is your stomach too full of whiskey? I think that's why you ain't had an appetite lately. Too much drinkin'." "Yeah. And I'll probably have supper over at Carl's. They eat late. Make something for yourself though. Daddy didn't eat those pork chops last night." "Nah. Since I got the car, Ima go pick up pizzas from that new place. Girls are having a sleepover with they friends tonight. I ain't gonna get no sleep tonight. It OK that I can't bring the car back 'til Monday mornin? Maybe I best leave it." "No. It's fine." PART THREE It's not too often that I had the whole house to myself for the night. If Daddy started seeing some woman, I guess I'd have more of these nights. " I cut myself a big slice of the cake and ate most of it in three bites. SO good! Mama would make me another cake. I had to face facts. (I'd have no idea that right as I ate the last cake crumbs off my plate, my mama was getting raped right there on the hospital grounds. We wouldn't find out until weeks later.) I was pretending to be grown man with my own house as I sat at the bar and poured whisky into a fresh coke. I smoked two or three cigarettes while playing the radio on a rock and roll station -- louder than I'd ever play it around Vena or Daddy. I sat and thought about what Becky and Mitch might probably be doing right now. I hope he was giving her what she needed, Unless he had bitten by the weird bugs -- then God only knows what she was getting. Not my problem now. I still had Carl to deal with. Why was I so eager to see him again? He was poisonous now. Why did it turn me on a little? I got my sleeping bag from the closet under the stairs. I then went up to grab my toothbrush....and a new bottle of Listerine. It was dark out and ol' Larry from next door still spraying his roses and cussing up a storm. I wonder if he saw the little alien bugs already. He wasn't wearing a mask tonight. It was probably kinda late for him anyway - his hair was falling out in chunks already. He then started cussing at me. "Tell your father to use a smaller watt bulb in his porch light. It's attracting every bug in the county here. And why the hell don't your maid wear a goddamn uniform. We got standards in this neighborhood. You know how it looks with her wearing whatever she wants? Like she's a friend or something?" "Fuck off, old man." He was shocked into complete silence. All I heard as I walked away was some thunder in the distance. I didn't care if he told my daddy. I hadn't got but a block and a half when one of them landed on the back of my arm. An alien bug had bit into my and I immediately slapped it with the palm of my other hand. Nothing. It was gone. But I felt the bite...a tiny little sting that didn't feel hardly hurt. Well - it was bound to happen eventually. I guess there was nothing left to fear now. It was only the one bite so far and I was almost to Carl's house. He was sitting on his front steps. "We best stay out here for a spell -- they're running late and fighting about it." I could tell from just the light from the street lamp that he had dark circles under his eyes. "Have you slept at all, Carl?" "Yeah -- well, I tried. Had some very horny dreams about you." "I'm worried about you, You remember you blowing your wad on my patio this morning?" "Yeah. And you wouldn't help me with it." "Remember how it was black? It dried up and turned into bugs. hundreds of tiny little black bugs." "SO?" "So it worries me." "Why? Those little bugs mature fast and are biting everybody. Think they won't get to you too? "I got bit on the way over here. Am I gonna end up like you? - unable to sleep and beating my meat all day?" "Just one bite? I don't know. I got bit about fifty times the other night and maybe that's why it happened so fast. I actually think they burrow into you fast as a bullet. Who cares?" "I care." "Don't care and don't worry. These things came from outer space for a reason for a reason Andy...ever think it's to help us evolve?" "What does it do to women? Vena got bit the same night you did and she's entirely normal. Maybe even a little nicer than usual." "I guess they need men only." "It's still weird. Everything is weird now. I think I broke up with Becky. She's out with Mitch Holland. And my dad is on a date right now." "Yeah. I blew off Janet too. She's got big tits and will find some other dude fast. I just want you. And I'm pretty sure you just want me." His folks were still fighting. "But is it a disease? If they're from outer space, they might be hostile." "And you can do WHAT about it?" "Nothing, I guess. I can't fix my sick mama or my shitty grades or my anything." "It will all change soon. I promise." Just then, Mrs. Tollis came huffing out of the front door, leaving a trail of perfume, gin and hostility. She was wearing a really expensive dress and jewelry was clinking everywhere. Mr. Tollis followed, in a much better mood. "How are you, Andrew? Haven't seen you for awhile. Excited about graduation?" Mrs. Tollis honked the car horn and seemed really eager to leave. "Shit and goddamn. Gotta go." They practically burned rubber leaving the driveway. "Well," Carl stood up, "Let's go inside and have some cocktails." We went in. "Mama is having an affair with one of Daddy's bosses. A divorce is coming." "Yeah. I think one's on its way my way too. Let's have a drink." "Would he really divorce your mama while she's in the nut house?" "She's never coming home, Carl. She's gone for good." "Here, I made us screwdrivers. Heavy on the 'screw'." I wasn't sure what he meant until I tasted it....mostly vodka with just a little orange juice. Perfect. Carl went over and put his new Ricky Nelson album on the record player. I preferred Del Shannon, but this wasn't so bad. "You got any peanuts or pretzels? I'm craving some salt right now." "Already made us some popcorn and added lots of butter and tons of salt." He fetched it and brought it back to the living room. I loved how ridiculously salty it was. Maybe the little bug inside of me was making me crave sodium. Whatever. "They like salt and sugar." Carl was possibly reading my thoughts all the sudden. "Maybe not. My supper was a giant piece of cake. And that was before my bug bite." And then he just stood me up and planted a big ol' kiss on my mouth. He was grinding his hard crotch against me. "We got time before the movie starts....wanna fool around a little?" I did. I really did. I mean, I would have black semen myself someday soon. I'd be shooting out my own bugs soon enough. I had always craved his dick anyway. We'd never kissed like this before though...it was nice. Perfect. I could have lasted much longer except I was unzipping his pants to free that gorgeous pecker of his. I Just got right down on my knees and sucked him like it's the only thing in the world that mattered. I took him deeper and deeper -- I wanted it to tickle my lungs. Carl was into as well, holding the back of my head and humping away. "Yeah...yeah, Andy. I want to unload down your fucking throat." And then he did -- while "Hello Mary Lou" was blaring in the background. I suddenly felt the need to shoot my own wad. Badly! I just stood up and pulled out my pecker. I'd barely touched it when I shot. It was still white and watery, but Carl caught most of it in his hand. I'd never felt so good. He slurped up my spunk and licked his fingers. "Wow." "I know. You feel really good, right? It get's even better." I wanted to kiss again, but I guess the moment had passed. "Whoa! Look! It's started again!" He was looking out the window at those weird lights that were back again. "Let's go out and look. It's almost directly over us this time. Cool!" We stepped out into the night. The storm was closer too -- those ugly lights were all blotched from the clouds. It started to rain and the wind picked up. This could get real weird, real fast. We stood out in his front yard and looked at the bizarre light show above us. And then there was lightning on top of everything else. "We should go inside, Carl. You're not even wearing shoes." I was pretty afraid of lightning. Nearly phobic. Catching pneumonia too. I had been raised to be afraid of almost everything - back when my parents still cared. "Two more minutes." I decided to go stand on the porch and wait until he was drenched. There were about half a dozen of the little bugs crawling on my skin and clothes. I wiped them away even though they really couldn't do too much more damage to me than they already had. I still got bit. I felt it. Suddenly, a blinding, bright white bolt of lightning struck across the street. I mean, you could feel the heat from it. "Carl!! Come back inside, shit head!" "OK. OK." He stepped up onto the porch with bugs crawling all over him. Gross. I wiped off as many as I could from his body. "They crawled down my collar too. No bites yet. There must be no room in me for any more if them. Tickles." We went inside and settled into the living room. You should change clothes -- you're soaking wet. Towel off and change." He padded upstairs and I quickly made us both drinks and grabbed the popcorn. His folks' bar was nicer than ours. Nightmare Theater wouldn't start for another twenty minutes - if the power didn't go out. It seemed to have passed already...leaving just a steady rain. Weird lights were gone too. My guess was the whole state was infested by now. So be it. I was powerless to do anything, to fix anything. Carl came back, dry but naked. I guess I had to be OK with that. He was way more comfortable with his body than I was. I remember a time when my parents used to bring me to church every Sunday...even though I had no idea what the minister was babbling about. I just doodled on the church program and pretended to sing the hymns. We'd get home and Mama would make waffles. "You polished off all the popcorn already?" I avoided looking at his groin. "Yeah. Sorry." "We got chips if you want 'em." "Nah. Sit and have a drink with me." "Perfect. Got an extra cigarette?" "Yeah. Here." I lit it for him like a husband would light his wife's cigarette. "Hell, Andy -- this drink is too weak! Let me re-make a batch." He took away our glasses and dumped them in the little sink. He made a fresh pitcher --'heavy on the screw'. We sat and smoked and imbibed. He would sometimes tug at his prick, but not too obviously. I used to make fun of that song'Earth Angel', but ya know -- I'd love to sing it you right now." "Go ahead." "I can't sing - you know that." Yep. He couldn't carry a tune to save his life. But it was a sweet thing to say (Earth angel - will you be mine?). "Nightmare Theater is about to start...do you know what they're showing?" "Bride of the Monster." Ugh. Ed Wood. "Again? That is a total shit movie." "But Bela Lugosi was hilarious. and that big, bald guy." "Let's just sit here and talk. And get shit-faced." "Cool. I like that idea. Have you told your old man about not getting into college, yet?" "Nah. I doubt he's too interested in that anymore. I'm going to work for him I guess...the rest of my life." "Think he'd hire me too?" "Probably. Hell, I could probably demand it." We were kissing again. I might probably like kissing more than fucking and sucking. His tongue was stretching so far it was touching my molars. Glorious. He pulled away first. "I've got a great idea." He always did. "Let's hear it." "Let's finish our screwdrivers, go out back to the tree house and listen to my new transistor radio. I've got a camping lantern out there too." "And your sleeping bag?" "Forget it. We'll share yours." Fine with me. We'd done that before. "Drink up. I can hardly wait." He was openly stroking his big, hard wang. I just drank up and lit another smoke. I was also very erect just then. "The record ended. Don't have you anything....'blacker'?" "The Marvelettes? Is that colored enough for you?" I hated that word but didn't say anything. "Chubby Checker?" "Just pick one." He picked Chubby Checker. "Is this what Vena listens to?" "She likes blues and gospel mostly." We drank and smoked. I was drunk. I might have even bent down to kiss his dick once or twice. "Let's go out now!" "It's raining. Hard. Is your tree house roof going to hold?" "Who cares? We'll get wet. Just take off your clothes and leave them in here." I did just that and we banged our boners against each others for a few hot, amusing seconds. "Let's go!" At least Carl was still sober enough to grab my sleeping bag and smokes before we headed out. I watched his wet ass bob in front of me to the tree where his little hideaway was. Same ladder made from planks nailed into the tree. Same smell too. God, we hadn't been up here for awhile. He turned on the battery-powered lantern. Some of those bugs were scuttling around. I didn't care anymore. I was one of them now. I had already accepted it. "Where's the radio?" "Here." It was in the sketchy shadows. "Any station you want?" "Whatever you listen to when you wank off." "Yeah?" He was so goddamn erect and his pecker was making dancing shadows everywhere. I just lied down and put my legs up into the air. He wasted no time. He was all the way inside of me before I even felt a twinge of discomfort. "Go as deep as you can, Carl! Make me hurt!" He obliged. twisting and tilting and heaving until he shot that inky, black load deep up my intestines. More bugs. I welcomed them. We fell asleep in each other's arms as a second wave of the storm passed above our naked bodies. I loved the idea of my alien space bugs mingling with his. Maybe we'd create a whole new version of them. END

Glen Steers. He died too young and would have turned 60 this year. All of the images I could find of him were copyrighted,

Thanks, man. I was worried this one was just too weird. I hope you're well. xx

This work of fiction is dedicated to Lisa a Canadian peninsula, 1937 I was never told why exactly our people came to this land. Some say it was to escape the Civil War that many feared would last forever and we'd never know peace. Others say it was to start a religion that ultimately failed to take hold. We were a region without faith -- possibly because of the abominations that inhabited the lush valley in the middle of the island. The soil was rich, black and crops grew well but no one dared to raise livestock because the abominations would snatch them up for food. They were giants, near sixty feet tall. Some of them had two eyes and some just had one. It was said that one should never look into their eyes because they would steal your soul. I'd heard the tale that my own father had wandered too close to the valley in a stupor. Some say he'd been hypnotized, but my own Mama told me he had simply 'taken to drink' and just disappeared during a blizzard. . No one would go near the valley out of fear and also because of the stench from their waste. My mother sold her canned vegetables and berries in town along with her handmade quilts and such. Near her shop was old Mrs. Silven who sold jewelry and was known as an oracle. She could predict things. She's the one who warned my mother to keep a close eye on me. "He's a boy, Hannah. Boys are daring and foolhardy and this one.." she pointed a gnarled finger at me and looked into my straw-colored eyes "..this one is drawn to the valley." Mama thought her a kook, but still kept a close watch on me. I was strangely drawn to the valley. The smell was no worse that some others I had smelled. I'd never seen one of the giants before and really wanted to at least catch a glimpse. Mama believed in God who was some giant man in the sky that I'd never seen. There were giant men here who could be seen -- why were they were not worthy of worship? That's the other thing...there were only male giants on the island. No females. According to the old woman, the added stench in the air was from the rotting bodies of giants who were succumbing to sickness. "They harpoon each other in their backsides which causes them to take sick and die. It comes from the unnatural acts. Sinning against nature brought about their plaque." Mama and the old witch thought they'd all be gone from the valley in a year's time. I hoped not. I was older now and had found ways to sneak off every chance I got. I smoked hand-rolled cigarettes on my walks to the valley. I could hear them at times, but still hadn't see one. One Summer, Mama took to her bed with a sickness of her own. Her heart had always been weak and she went through bad spells. I tended her shop and her garden and made her meals. The rest of my time was spent in the valley. There was an ice cold creek running through the bottom and rumor had it there was a little waterfall somewhere nearby. I pretended to be in search of that, but I wanted to see the giants, see them committing unnatural acts with each other. What I finally found though was a giant's corpse. He had died lying down on crushed trees and boulders. He hadn't been dead long and only had a slight, sweet smell of rot. I saw a raggedy coyote approach the body and sniff it carefully. I wanted to chase it away. If only I'd brought my rifle. And then a giant hand reached down and snatched away the unlucky predator. Standing nearby was a living giant who had been waiting by the body, using it for bait to attract food. At least they weren't cannibals, as had been rumored. The living giant smelled worse than the dead one. He had moss growing between his enormous toes and actual toadstools on his toenails . And then he finally saw me. Was I done for? I'd bring my rifle and hunt game for this GOD. I told Him as much with my mind, He was naked of course. He reached down and grasped me lightly with one hand. I could look down at the tops of trees when he lift me up to his face. He looked right at me with eyes the size of large crates. I didn't care if He took my soul with the stare. I wasn't using it for much anyway. He stuck out an enormous red, pointed tongue and licked my chest. It was softer and not nearly as rough as one might imagine. It was a test as well as a taste. If He ate me, I believe it would only be painful for a second, maybe less. He smiled with a mouth full of jagged teeth that were mostly rotted. I inhaled the vile smell of his breath as if it were holy incense. Hot and humid. He then set me down at His feet. I bowed my head and vowed my allegiance to Him for eternity. And then he made water which washed me completely as it shot me right on my scalp. I understood I was being baptized. It strangely didn't have much of a smell. Or else my sense of smell had been deadened by His other odors. He turned and left, making a new path through the ruined brush and downed trees. I was unable to move for a minute or more. Maybe many minutes more. I was new. I took a short swim in the creek even though it was washing away some of the holy Man Water away. Mama could smell anything, weak heart or not. And old Mrs. Silven was tending to her and she'd know what I'd done. She was part Indian and knew all about root doctorin', herbs, teas and such. I'd avoid her as much as possible. She'd sense my recent conversion and worry Mama's poor heart. I took the long way home so my clothes could dry some. I was barefoot - so at least I didn't have socks or shoes to worry about. It was a hot Summer day and I was nearly dry as when I left from the homestead. No Mrs. Silven when I got home, but Mama was callin' for me. "Boy -- bring me a cold wet cloth for my head. I must be almost mended because I no longer feelin' chilly. You been swimming? I smell the water." "Yes, M'am. I went for a dip in the pond out back." "Careful of snapper turtles -- they'll bite the toes clean off your feet. Did you tend the garden?" I hadn't. "Not yet. Let me fetch you that wet cloth first." I fetched a cloth and soaked it in the cold well water, wrung it out and brought it back to put across her forehead. "You want some Supper, Ma?" "No. Mrs. Silven brought over a concoction made from plants and the web of some special spider. It made me feel stronger but my appetite id completely gone. I'll be able to get up tomorrow." "Good. I might be going out to camp with Luke and Jim tonight. Will you be fine here without me?" "Yes. Have fun. But come here." She took my hand. "You're a man now, Joseph. I know you crave adventure and new things. Please have a care about the bad things in this world. You've strayed from the Lord and I can't make you come back. But know I pray for you always." "I'll tend to the garden now, Mama." She sighed heavily as I left her room. I checked the garden for weeds and grubs. It was thriving in the hot sun and regular rainfall. Was I just imagining it -- or were the gourds getting bigger and riper as I stood near them? The tomatoes too. No. I'd been blessed. That's why the valley was so lush and verdant -- God, Gods lived there. I hadn't strayed from the Lord, Mama. I'd found Him/Them. The strawberries were huge. Getting bigger, redder before my eyes. Thank you for this abundance, Giant Gods. I went back inside to tell Mama that the berries and tomatoes were nearly ready to harvest. "'Tis not possible, Joseph. It's too early." I took her hand to spread my blessed powers to her heart. " "You'll soon be well enough to check for yourself." and she suddenly gasped. "Yes. I want to see. Now. I am feeling perfect." I helped her up and we out to the garden while she she was still her nightgown. "I'll be! 'Tis a miracle!" "I was going to eat some bread with cured ham before I left. Want to join me?" "I do! I surely do!" I prepared us some plates of crusty bread and chunks of ham. Cheese would have been good too, but the price was too dear just now. Mama ate everything on her plate. She had her color back. I helped her to the chair where she liked to read by the light of a kerosene lamp. "It might get colder tonight, Son. Take some matchsticks from the kitchen and build a fire if you have to. This hot spell can't last forever. Take one of Grandmother Tarsie's old blankets too. Just please be careful." I wouldn't just be careful, Mama -- I'd be cared for. I packed my rucksack and headed to town first. I stopped behind Jim's papa's shop and purchased some moonshine he brewed. I knew my own father took to drink and it killed him eventually. But I hankered for some tonight. I was immortal now. I wore shoes this time. I'd be mindful of my God's droppings by just smelling for them. I made it down to the creek just as the sun had set. I found where the previous giant had made a path. Did He want me to follow it? I chose a spot to build a bonfire. I gathered some kindling from nearby. Summer storms had dropped many limbs, thin branches and sticks. Those plus some dry, dead brush made starting a bonfire fairly easy. It grew brighter and larger than I'd thought. This would draw Them to me. I sat near the luxurious warmth of the flames and drank some of the moonshine. I wasn't hard on my tongue or my throat - but it hit my belly like a grenade. I fought to breathe. I smoked my last cigarette and took another sip. Maybe They were fearful of fire. Maybe They were all deep in slumber. I drank more and wished I'd brought another cigarette. The sounds. They were coming this way. I heard trees falling under The weight of Their heavy, strong feet came crashing toward the fire. I'd see all of them at last. There were six or seven of Them. Standing near me - plus two more on the other side of the creek. I knelt down in plain sight, praying, sending them my mental promises of devotion and servitude. They didn't talk exactly -- it sounded like barks and hoots. I think the giant I'd met earlier was the one who picked me up and started passing me around to the others. Their hands were rough and Their long, nails tore my clothes to shreds. Each of them drank in my soul through Their eyes (two of Them only had one eye). I was happy to feed them. Their voices became murmurs. I was put down again and They each started to pleasuring Themselves with Their hands. I got undressed completely and stood naked before them . I knew seed would rain down on me. I had so many cuts on my body from Their nails. I was willing to sacrifice as much blood as I had in me to Them. It didn't take long for a large puddle of holy sperm to land on me. It was heavy and knocked me to the ground. It smelled wonderful. More kept falling and splattering on my prostate body. I just couldn't believe how much weight each drop carried. One of the spurts nearly put out the fire. There was white/gray/milky puddles all around me. My open wounds were exposed to it and it must have gotten deep inside me; it felt like the force of life itself. I sat down and rubbed Their goo with my hands. I swear as I held a pool of it in my pal close to the flames, I could see thousands of tiny baby minnows wiggling around. I used a finger to coat it well and buggered my own back-end hole with it. Why? It felt like it's something They wanted me to do. My Gods were watching me. I needed to sit now. I settled down into a puddle of Their living liquid. The fire was keeping it comfortably warm. I opened the rucksack and dug out the mason jar full of moonshine and drank some lethal gulps. It further warmed me. They were still around me. I knew somehow They wanted to protect me as I slept. Maybe They'd watch the fire in case it spread out of control. I s'pose it was possible They didn't want me wash off Their fertile gift in the creek. I wouldn't dare. I let the fire dry it to a crust as I slowly drank myself to a dreamless slumber. I woke to the sound of thunder. It usually rained much later in the morning. I felt the first drop fall. My clothes were but shreds now. I'd walk home and just tell Mama the others had pranked me. What I hated most was that the rain was starting to wash Their seed off of me. it was becoming lumpy paste as it slid off. I took shelter in an old, rotting barn to wait out the heaviest of the downpour. One of my wounds was still somewhat opened. But the rest had scabbed over nicely with no sign of infection. It occurred to me that I could heal myself -- but what of the virus within me? I'd welcome it and its devastation. None of my Gods last night seemed ill. The rain was lighter now. I finished the moonshine as the sun came up. Mama always said that when the sun shone while it rained - the devil's daughter was getting married. Such nonsense. All of my gift from the Giants had washed away and I was soaking wet by the time I made it home. I hurried inside and the house was quiet as a tomb. I cracked Mama's door a bit and saw that she was sleeping soundly. Her breathing was much better and I knew she's be up soon. I got dressed in all new clothes Mama had made for me and put on my old pair of shoes. No sooner did I go to the kitchen to start a fire in the stove than Mama walked in with her dressing gown on. "When did you get back, Son?" "Just now. I changed to go run the shop for you." "It's Sunday, Joseph. The Lord's day. Where's your new shoes?" "I was pranked by the boys and Luke hid them somewhere. I was going to go look for them after tending the garden." "You do the gardening now while I make us some breakfast. The shoes can wait." I couldn't believe how many ripe tomatoes were ready to be picked. I filled my arms with ten of them and went back inside. "Look, Mama!" "Lord be! It's an early harvest! Let me chop a few and we'll have them with eggs and sausage. Also toast if you want." "I'm not too hungry right now." "But you always love breakfast. Let me touch your forehead. Oh no! You've got a fever! You took in too much night air and got caught in the cold rain. It's just a little sickening is all. I'll brew tea." I left her to busy with the kettle and fled the house. I knew I could be dying. I was a smaller, weaker man than They were. Perhaps I was being claimed for the same eternity They shared. I stopped to spill what little was in my stomach. My fever was climbing still higher. I would not have much time before weakness would take my legs from beneath me. I'd be well soon. They would heal me -- unless I had the same sickness they had. But perhaps because I was a mere mortal, I could be healed. Perhaps I would become one of Them. I sat on the creek bank. The rains had made the water level rise. It sparkled and begged to be tasted. My fever was spiking. I called to Them, prayed to Them. I lay back on the soft mud and closed my eyes. I felt Them coming before hearing the trees breaking. They were in a hurry. My salvation had arrived. Amen. END

Thanks! Yeah - it really does end there. In my head, Danny and his Gifter stay together and he does ultimately test positive. The story gets published and Danny gets offers from other publications, but he stays in the city to be with Salvador. I wanted to move on to other ideas which are bugging me to get told.

Note from Toon: One of my first reprimands on BZ was because I posted a bug-chasing story that contained some chem references. It was me not knowing the rules and it was also lazy writing. I didn't think the story through ahead of time, and added the "and then he drugged me" part just to get to the ending. I never forgot the original idea for the story and I hope I've matured enough as a member and as a storyteller to finally get it right. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION PART ONE 1999 - some city in the Midwest Hi. I'm Danny. I tried to go by 'Dan' for the longest time, but I guess I must just look like a Danny because nobody could ever call me anything else. Another thing about me is I'm gay. I used to blame Mr. Rogers because he was the one who said he liked me just how I was. So I always thought it was okay that I'd rather be a girl than a boy. I had two much older sisters and used to envy their lives. The clothes, the makeup, the way they laughed with their friends and the boys...THE BOYS! who showed up at our door every other night. They shared a room and I was never supposed to go in there, but I always did because I loved looking at all their perfect stuff. I once tried on a tiny little bit of their perfume and got nailed for it (I maybe put on more than a 'tiny' bit) I got in trouble so bad and also spanked -- just for being who I was. Mr Rogers would never ever spank me. So I stayed in the closet, trying to never want to be a girl ever again. I stayed very much pretending to be boy until my college years when I finally just admitted the gay part of me was real and wouldn't go away. Another thing about me is that I'm either dumb or just have dumb luck. Possibly both. I chose journalism as a major and entered the workforce just as every newspaper in the country had cut its staff to the bone. Cable news and the fucking internet was killing my opportunities. The big local paper didn't even have any openings in the mail room. I finally landed a crummy position as a copy & paste guy for one of the town's free alternative weeklies. You know the type -- lots of 'scene news', concerts, local bands and city hall corruption. Luckily it was liberal and anarchist in tone. The staff was a bunch of people not much older than me and at least four of them were openly gay. I adapted right away and got along with the editor/owner (Ed) really well. It didn't pay much but my parents and the one sister who still liked me helped me stay afloat those first few months. I lived in a very shitty apartment - but so did everybody I worked with. Except Ed. We brought in tons of ad revenue because it was free and everybody read it. We made a shit-load of money from the personal ads which catered to every sexual appetite. I remember having lunch with Ed once and we talked about everything. "I wish I was gay -- there are so many guys looking to hook up with no strings attached." Ed was an idiot sometimes. "It's not all that great. Be glad with the hand you were dealt. I was thinking of placing an ad myself, strings optional." "Don't. No offense, Danny, but you are so young and would be easy prey for all the weirdos out there. Why don't you and Lance meet up for a drink sometime?" "He lives in my building - that would be too weird. You know I'm a journalism grad, right?" "Look - I've tried to explain it to you already. You're too new here and don't know 'the scene' yet. You don't know the clubs, the local bands, the art galleries...all that." "What about features? I could pitch you some ideas, some spec pieces." "OK. Let's meet next week and you pitch me some ideas that will knock my socks off." "Deal." "Well, it's Friday. I guess you'll be leaving early - especially since it's Halloween. I'd be surprised if half the office is still there when we go back. You kids." He was right. I suppose they could all claim they were 'chasing a lead' or some shit like that. Lucky bastards. Thank God Lance was gone too. I didn't need Ed trying to initiate something between he and I. I was once alone with him and he asked if I dyed my hair and wore colored contacts. He said he asked because he'd never seen such a perfect Aryan specimen before. What do you say to that? 'Thank you'?? I got my blonde hair and blue eyes from my mom who is mostly Irish. Fuck him anyway. I stayed at work because I had no real big plans even though I'd always loved Halloween. My only weekend plans were to get stoned and listen to some new CD's. Same as old. The only person left by 5:00 was this friendly fat girl named Lana who claimed she was named after Lana Turner. I had to swallow my laughter but most other people couldn't. She was a notorious flirt and I couldn't be stuck with just her for another fifteen minutes. I took off. Ed was right. I hadn't really bothered to explore the city. I'd start now. Right now. There was this ratty little bar I passed on the way home every day. I'll stop. There might not be a story there, but there were surely some characters there. It would be a start. There was plenty of parking because it was so early. I got carded the second I got in the door. The doorman was at least nice about it. There'd soon come a time when I'd never be asked for I.D. again because we all age -- if we're lucky. "You're lucky, kiddo...at six we start charging a dollar cover to anybody not in a costume tonight. "I'm going as Tab Hunter." "What's that?" I laughed and handed him a dollar anyway. He might be a good source some day. You never know. I didn't even know what the name of this place was but there was a rainbow flag on the wall behind the bar. OK. My first gay bar. The bartender was a bald guy who smiled but looked at me like I was lost. "Happy Halloween. young man. Where's your costume?" I wasn't going to try the Tab Hunter joke again. "Not my thing. Where's yours?" "I'm going as Earl, a grumpy old bastard whose back and feet hurt like hell." "Well done. I'll take a Bud draw." It was well past happy hour before the crowd started getting larger. I'd nursed my beers slowly because there's no way I could afford a DUI. And then I saw the first one. The patrons here were mostly skinny, unwashed guys not much older than me. The one who sat next to me had a cotton pad and surgical tape wrapped around his inner arm. Drugs? Drugs weren't a new story. Maybe he was injured somehow. The wound dressing looked hospital fresh, very professional. "Were you hurt? What happened?" "Buy me a shot of jack and I'll tell you." I ordered one for him and one for me. What the hell, right? I'd never tried whiskey before. I downed it and turned the glass upside down - just like he did. "So what happened?" "Some guy paid me fifty bucks to cut me. It's his thing I guess. Hardly hurt at all." Oh, there was a story here. "What does he do with the blood? Or does he just get off cutting?" I'd never heard of such a thing. "Every piece of information is gonna cost you another shot." Well, there was an ATM on one end of the bar. It might be worth it. "Hold on - I'll be right back." I went to the bathroom as fast as I could and then took out 50 bucks from the machine. On my way back, I saw another grungy guy with another big bandage on his arm - in a different spot, closer to his wrist. I stumbled onto something. For sure. I sat next to the same guy and asked him if he knew the other wounded customer. He pointed to his empty glass. "Two more shots, Earl." "Yeah. I know him. You could say we work together. He goes to see the same freak I do, gives a little blood." "But you don't know why or what he does with the blood?" "Look, man. I really can't tell you much else. But you can suck my dick for twenty bucks. Check it out." He pulled out a greasy penis that I wouldn't touch with Rubbermaid gloves on ." WHAP! Earl slapped the dumb kid on the side of the head so loud it caught the whole bar's attention. "I've already warned you about that shit, Randy. Now get the hell out of here!!" The doorman was right there immediately to escort the dude away. Earl looked at me. "Sorry to disturb you, young man. I put up with a lot here, but hustlers get in my fuckin' nerves. This place is a little too close to the bus station. That's the problem." "I was asking him about the cut on his arm. Some freaky guy pays to cut him to bleed." "Yeah. I see 'em here all the time. Fucker probably uses the same knife to do it. Why do you care? You some kind of humanitarian or somethin'? A liberal" "I'm a reporter. He really wasn't good for too much information. Do you know anything about it." "I know some of it. If I tell you anything BUT, you can't ever use my name or the name of this pub." "What IS the name of this place? You don't even have a sign out front," "Well, it used to be called Ernie's Place, but Ernie passed on and left it to his son. He agreed to keep the place open but not with the same name because he's an Ernie Jr. and some kind of asshole, We ain't decided on a new name yet." "OK. For a really nice tip, tell me what you know about the guy who cuts these kids." Earl poured us some tall glasses that were half filled with jack and ice and then coke added on top. I left him a twenty. "Well, I hear a lot. I may wear a hearing aid, but it's an expensive one and I catch a lot more than these jerks think I do. This weirdo is some rich artist who lives in one one of those big expensive lofts they built not far from here. He prefers the blood of young, drugged up hustlers. I guess he doesn't suck their dicks or do anything sexual with them - just collects their blood...and then mixes it with paint for his fuckin' art!" "You're shittin' me." "No. Ain't this some kind of shit world Clinton left us?" "How can I find this artist?" "That I don't know. But I think Jerry knows. The bouncer. He's pretty busy right now, but he'll be able to tell you more when it slows down. This ain't exactly gonna be the hot spot on a night like this. We got a pool table and a couple of pinball games over there. They're all working tonight -- which is a big fuckin' miracle in my book." I got a few bucks worth of quarters and left him another five buck tip. I guess I could eat sandwiches from home for lunch all next month. I had honed my pinball skills in the college dorm I lived in for two years. Everybody else was getting laid and going to keg parties while I just played whatever game they had in the student lounge. I could basically make two bucks in quarters last all night if I had to, I was familiar with both games and was in the process of tallying up high scores when one of the bandage guys approached to ask if he could play me. "Sure." I'd already won a bunch of free games, so what the hell? He wasn't very good as I took stock of him. He looked a little unwashed, but not too bad. Almost cute. "You won. His name is Salvador. I can't tell you how to find him. That would be putting me in danger -- which I don't need any more of. Let's just say he's close to here." Just then Earl came by with a fresh pitcher of beer for me. "Don't waste your time, Greg -- he ain't buyin' and you sure as hell ain't sellin' in here. Move along." "I'm gone. Gotta get back to work anyway." "You do that." We watched him walk out the door. "Listen, kid... I know you're tryin' to be Brenda Starr or whatever, but nothin' good can come from talking to them types. It's starting to slow down a little. Come on back to the bar and wait for Jerry." I had like five bucks worth of free games left and it was only midnight. "Leave the games - I won't charge you for the beer. AND give you a shot of whatever." Well, OK then. It really had emptied out a lot. I guess this was another one of those 'starting-off bars' - you come here first for a cheap buzz and then move on to bigger and better clubs. That or they were locals just looking to drown their sorrows. Earl laid down a shot of something red. "It's a Hot Damn. Most popular shot we sell." It was like swallowing a mixture of Big Red gum and Draino. I tried my best not to make a face. "I think I've hit my limit, Earl. I haven't even eaten any dinner today." "It's OK. One more shot and you'll get your second wind, How far away do you live? Suburbs?" "It's only about five blocks from here, but my car..." "Jerry has a sticker he'll put on your windshield. I can even have Jose walk you home if you don't feel safe. Big Mexican kid who stocks the cooler and cleans up. He'll be here by 2. Here- have some pretzels." I dug into them with the gusto of a starving man. "You sure you don't know anything else about this guy who cuts up hustlers?" "Oh - I was gonna tell you one thing I overheard once. This freak lives in one of them lofts over on Grant. You know -- it used to be a factory or something but they made these giant apartments on each floor. Imagine paying over a thousand bucks each month to live in one big room?" "You don't know which one?" "No. But it's a good location to find all the hustlers around here. Here's my thinking -- you should just let this go. Anybody with money like that can probably have you killed." It was pretty weird alright. Maybe it wasn't worth it just to get a slightly better paying job at a free alternative paper. But still -- there was something about it that captivated me, possibly turned me on. Maybe all this time in the closet had warped me beyond repair. Somewhere Mr. Rogers was shaking head in disappointment. Was he even still alive? No idea. Jerry joined us. He was the typical ex-con-looking muscle dude you always see manning the door at dive bars. Tattoos, shaved head and various scars. "Hey Jerry - the kid here has been maybe over-served a little and his car is still in the lot. Can you go put the yellow sticker on it so he can leave it overnight?" "No problem." He was a friendly sort of thug. "But I need a drink. I'm parched." I bought us all pitchers of beer which Earl gave me a great discount on. "So - Earl tells me you might know something about that guy, that artist guy who pays hustlers to give blood." "Goddamn Earl! All I know he came in here once. I guess he was "shopping". He looked like pure evil, man. A tall dude dressed in black with an energy that was black as well. Not young, not old...hard to tell his exact age. He seemed sick to me...in every way. The thing I remember most is the neatly trimmed beard and mustache that looked like the devil himself . He left with some piece of trash and never came back. Why the hell are you so interested?" "I'm a reporter -- well, I'm trying to be one. My boss wants me to find a really good story. I think this might be it." It was pretty much just the three of us left. Some stragglers who had clearly partied all night would peek in, look around and stumble back away out into the night. "You two need to look prettier", Earl joked. "Fuckin' Hell -- Jose is here early. He knows I let him drink free before he starts work, but I guess he wants a little more...fat bastard. The door opened and in walked a large Hispanic male who was nearly as wide as he was tall. He kept his eyes to the floor as he walked toward us. Very shy. I recognized that mannerism in myself at times. Eye contact could be a problem for me too. He sat on the other empty stool next to me. A big silent lump. "Now we got us a party!" I was drunk. "C'mon guys - it's Halloween !" Earl looked at me and shook his head. "Why don't you go show Jerry where your car is and he can sticker it. Do it now before you forget what it looks like." Jerry helped me up and we went out the front door. I thought I was walking just fine but He kept one arm around my shoulders as we walked to the lot. Mine was an 88 Subaru, piece of shit that nobody would steal. I didn't know it at the time, but I'd parked right under a bright security light. It looked like last prize on the worst game show of all time. Jerry slapped a little round, neon yellow sticker on the driver's side window. "Hold on, Danny Boy. I got something for you. Don't look at it now.."He shoved it brazenly down into my right front pocket. "Some underage punk had gave it to me accidentally when I asked for id. It's the freak's business card. It's all gobbledy-gook, but you're a reporter. Don't try to figure it out tonight. Look - also promise me you won't go see him alone. Take somebody with you. Take me with you. I can kick anybody's ass. Promise me you won't go alone." "Yes." That wasn't really an answer, I guess. And then I kissed him. I just felt like it. "Whoa. I swing that way sometimes. but you're pretty out of it. Don't try making out with Jose when he walks you home." He laughed like I'd never consider it but I probably would. Earl was unplugging the games when we got back. It was barely even 1. I guess he wasn't expecting much business tonight. I was technically the only customer left. "Hey Earl! Three more Hot Damns!" "Already waiting for you and the guys along with the drinks you already ordered. But then you gotta scram. Deal?" "Yes." I went to the ATM one more time so I could pay and leave a really nice tip. I sat down in my spot between the two big guys and all was right with the world. I understood why people became alcoholics--because it's so much fun. "Jose was a real gentleman -- he wouldn't touch his free booze until you two got back." Earl gave a quick look at Jerry, wondering. I was freely talking about nonsense and they were all nice enough to listen. And then I got double vision and knew I needed to go home. You pay the price for fun. Earl looked at me. "Want me to call you a cab, kid?" I tried to focus. 'No, no -- that would just keep you here longer. It's only five blocks. I can do it." I put all the money I had left on the bar and stood up. Yeah - I could do this. I wasn't that far gone. "Go with him, Jose. Get him home and then get your fat ass back here. Fast." The night air was nice, just chilly enough to wake me up. Jose made me walk slow and kept a hand on my back. "Why do you let him talk to you like that, Jose? Call you names and shit?" I felt him shrug. "I'm fat. I've known that my whole life. I can't get too mad at somebody telling the truth." "It's rude. I think you're handsome." "Because you're polite -- a drunk, polite idiot. I heard about you trying to find that cutter guy. That's stupid." "Yeah. I just want to be a reporter, Maybe too much." "There are other stories in this shit town. I got two brothers in prison and one in the ground, Gang shit." "Man, I'm sorry." "I buried my anger and sadness with food. That's what I do." I had nothing to say -- so I just stopped and hugged him. He hugged back. We were standing next to a little park. There was a trash can with a fire in it. A cowardly little bit of Halloween vandalism. "Let's go in here for a minute." "You gotta hurl?" I just walked a little ways past the fire and Jose followed. He seemed concerned. I just held him again and gave him a huge kiss on his perfect lips. He liked it so much that he wrapped me in his arms and squeezed the life out of me. It was the kiss that never ended. Then he stopped and looked at me. The fire flames made him look like a movie star. He really was handsome under all that grief and blubber. I unzipped his jeans and took his fat, stubby little dick out. It was rock hard. I just got down on my knees and sucked it passionately. He kneaded the back of my head and humped my face. In less than a minute he shot a big load in my mouth. It didn't taste like anything. I guess the booze had killed my taste buds. I fell when I tried to stand back up. He caught me by the arm and helped me stand. "Wow. I wasn't expecting that, Dan." "Neither was I." He zipped himself up. "It's not just because you're drunk, is it?" I had to answer him honestly. "I might not have been so bold if I was sober, but I would have still wanted to. I've never done that. Ever. I had my first kiss already -- with Jerry. This was another first." "So when you wake up tomorrow, you won't regret this?" "I'm sure I'll regret drinking so much, but not this part." "Good. Because it was my first time too. I'd like to see you again. Think you'd ...that we could date maybe?" I took his hand. "Yes, Jose. I'd like that." I really meant it. He was still breathing heavily after his orgasm. "Can I have your number?" "I don't have a pen. Do you?" "No. Can you come back to the bar tomorrow -- around 11?" "Sure. I promise I'll just drink Cokes" We walked hand in hand all the way to my building. "Wait. You live here?" "Yeah." "My sister Mara lives here too! She's on the third floor." "I'm on the eighth, #801." "Cool. How 'bout I drop by and pick you up for a late lunch. Around 2?" "Perfect." I watched him walk away and missed him already. Once I got back inside my apartment, I raced to the bathroom and started puking before I could even lift the toilet seat. It was red and smelled like Hot Damn. And it just kept coming. I was so tired and yet there's no way I could make it out of this bathroom. After I was sure I had nothing left to get rid of, my stomach decided to just heave all the nothing. I'd never do this again. I finally just slept right there on the floor, shoes and all my clothes on. Never again. NEVER! I swore. I actually didn't feel all that terrible when I woke up -- just thirsty. I kept Gatorade on hand always, not because I exercised or anything. I just liked the taste. I knew it was good for hangovers because of a roommate I had in college who was a major party animal. I sat on my little kitchen stool and drank a full bottle. I thought of the previous night. Of Jose. Of the bandaged kids. Of the bar with no name. Jerry. Hot Damn. (shudder) Oh wait! That card in my jeans. I retrieved it and looked at it as I helped myself to another Gatorade. It was glossy black with red typography. It said "Larva Sod" which was an obvious anagram for 'Salvador' - but the phone number looked too weird, not local. I needed to eat something. I ate a dry bowl of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch and followed it up with a hot cup of instant coffee. I took a long shower and put on some boxers. I looked at the card again. Not a local number...except if you looked at it backwards. Then it started with this city's area code, followed by the same prefix as mine and then it became a local number. Pretty lazy and easy if he was trying to be all mysterious. I'd have more cereal and another cup of coffee. It wasn't even noon yet. November 1st. I dialed the number. A few rings later, a woman answered "Gallery. This is Valerie..." I swear it was Julie Andrews herself. "Yes. Hello. (I needed to sound like a rich guy) I'm an art collector and I'd like to see Salvador's work." "It's by appointment only and I'm afraid the earliest I can get you in Wednesday at 3 PM." "I see. That would work on my end. I'll Be there, Can I have the address please? Ring the buzzer at the door of 311 Westbury . It's in the old garment district. And your name? " "Daniel Sherwood." That sounded like a rich man's name, to me it did. "See you next week, Mr. Sherwood. Have a most pleasant day." CLICK I scribbled the address down on a post-it. OK. I would pitch the idea to ED as soon as he had a spare minute. I was excited, not scared at all. I'd go alone too. I'd just never mention it to the guys at Nameless Bar. Speaking of which -- there were still three hours to kill before Jose got here. Wait - did he say 1 or 2? I'd be ready by 1 just in case I got dressed and went to the grocery store. I'd use a credit card I kept for emergencies. I'd call home tomorrow and make up some reason I needed a little extra this month. I bought some basics along with two six-packs of Corona...it seemed like Jose would like it. We had our late lunch at Applebee's because that was his favorite place. He was a little sweaty and unkempt because he did yard work during the day. Leaf blowing, raking, mulching. He made a comment or two about how he couldn't believe I still remembered everything from last night and still wanted to be with him. "You didn't eat much, Dan. Are you nervous?" "Maybe. I've never been on a date before." "Me either. I'm a virgin -- but I want to have sex with you." "I want that too, Jose. Neither of us will know what's what, but we can figure it out together." We had sex. I'd never bothered to buy condoms or lube because I hadn't seen this day coming anytime soon. His size made it awkward and clumsy. It felt like one of those giant rubber bounce houses was on top of me. It only hurt a little and he came fast. It was not memorable sex, but I have to say that I'm glad it happened for both of us,My futon really got a workout -- I couldn't wait to get a bigger place and have an actual bed. He was breathing heavily. "Did you like it?" "Yes, Jose. It was perfect. Thank you." "Mind if I take a nap right here. And hold you? You could probably use some rest too." Oh yes. His cum was inside me and it made me feel complete somehow. I loved the heat from his body, his smell, his calloused feet on my leg. I drifted off, dreaming of blood. Not a nightmare. I went back to No Name Bar on Saturday. It was later than I'd meant to go. Jose kept me busy for hours. He loved blow jobs more than anything else. I found out I had a thing for armpits and sweat. It was all so new for both of us. "Well hello again, Danny Boy! You sure kept Jose out late this morning. You didn't? With that fat piece of shit? "Be nice to him -- he's gone through shit you can't imagine. No. Nothing happened. I just had to puke a couple of times. He waited." He looked taken aback. Hurt. I wish I'd never kissed him. "Sorry, man. It's pretty crowded tonight. There are three of them cut scumbags here already. Remember you promised not to go to that guy without me?" "Yeah. I couldn't make sense of the shit on that business card. The number doesn't work. Weird." Earl was tending bar again and almost in a good mood. I guess everybody's glad to see a good tipper. I'd walked here wearing a windbreaker. "Well -- you're looking better than I thought you would. Oh - and I know you and that fat piece of shit did something last night." "Stop calling him that. I mean it. All he did was wait while I puked my guts out in that little park,,,and again when I had to puke again three minutes later. " "Yeah -- I know that big smile he couldn't get off his face for an hour. Watching some kid vomit always cheers me right up." He gave me a rum and coke on the house. Making amends, I guess. "I'm sorry. I'll be nicer to him -- he's actually a decent guy." "Thanks. I like him a lot. Just give him a break with all the fat jokes." "I'm not one to judge. I'm 68 fuckin' years old and married to a woman with a face like a boot. I love her though." "Hopefully I can meet her some day." He smiled and nodded. "Jerry tells me there's some of those cut kids here again tonight. I'm not going to let this story go, Earl." "I knew that too. Well -- one of them is actually pretty normal. Never had no problems with him. Seems decent and pretty together. He's looking to play pool with somebody. Name's Benny. Short guy red hair. See him?" Yeah -- I suck at pool but give me two bucks in quarters." I walked right up to this guy who had to be around my age - maybe younger. "Benny? Hi. I'm Dan. You up for a game?" He gave off a good vibe. "Well yes! You're the reporter, right?" Goddamn Earl. "Hardly. I want to be one. But now I just do paste-up for 'Urban Rag'. I'm so intrigued by this Salvador guy. Let's play." I put in fifty cents into the slot thingy. "You rack 'em (I had no idea how to) and picked out a cue stick that looked straight. I chalked the tip like I even knew what that was supposed to do. "You break." What? I was so clueless when it came to this game. So I gave it a try -- and actually pocketed two striped balls with that first shot. I kept making lucky shot after lucky shot. Miracle! He ultimately beat me, but I hadn't embarrassed myself. "Good game." I hadn't said that since little league baseball when I was 10. Now THAT I really sucked at. "Let's take a break. I need to tell you something." "Sure. Let me go get us some drinks." "Nah. I'll just share your pitcher- if that's OK." "You sure? You won. I should buy you you a fresh drink." "NO. Just sit while I talk." He looked serious. "Let this go, Danny. If you're intrigued with Salvador already -- you''ll be a goner when you meet him. He casts a spell. He is a powerful presence." "Have you given him blood?" "Not anymore. I work the escort game now and pays just to fuck me. I have AIDS now. I can't prove it was him who gave it to me -- but I just know it was." "I have an appointment to view his gallery on Wednesday." "DON'T GO! I mean it. Chase another story. I'll let you interview me --I can talk about the sex trade. How I was molested by my stepfather when I was nine and for seven years after that when I poisoned him with antifreeze in his scotch." "Wow. I'm sorry, Benny. I may take you up on that. Let me write my number down and give it to you. Call anytime. I don't have a cell phone yet, but I'd like to talk with you." I made sure I had a pen and mini notebook in my back packet. I gave me my number and he gave his. Just then Jose walked in -- a full hour before he was supposed to. "Cool. I gotta go work now." He got up to leave and shook my hand. I wanted to hug him but Jose was glaring at me like I was already committing some kind of crime. Jealous. Shit! "My fella is here." Benny left. Jose walked over and seemed ready to explode -- "Having fun? Do you have something going with that motherfucker?" "No! It's not like that. He knows more about that freak artist who paints with blood. I was just working on a possible story. He's a hustler with HIV." "I told you to drop that shit! I swear -- I love you, but I'll kill you before I let you pursue this any further." He stuck out his chin. "Or I could have you killed. It's not like I don't know people." "Relax, Jose. I'd never do anything to mess up what we have." I acted insulted. Pouted. "Sorry. Kiss me now -- in front of everybody." I did. He worked a tongue into my mouth and there were some jeers and hoots from the crowd. It was so wonderful to have his massive body next to mine. He calmed down. Pacified. "Don't get crazy on me, Jose." "I'm sorry. I just...I can't lose the one good thing in my life. The best thing. I'm Latin -- you gotta understand we are passionate." "Gotcha. Let's go sit at the bar. Give Earl a hard time.." When we got there, Earl was smiling and shaking his head. "I knew it. It's not even 10:30 and Jose is already here. You guys hooked up. That sure as fuck came out of left field!" "Get me a Bud and refill his pitcher. NO Hot Damns." "Fine. If you guys are going to do anything tonight, make sure This...make sure Jose is back by 2." He kept shaking his head. "I just don't get it." We drank fast - and got the hell out of there. I left Earl a ten dollar bill and practically drug Jose out the door. I would always love holding his big, chubby hand. I tried to peel off the sticker from my window but only got about half of it off. Fuck it. We got in and peeled out. "Wait. Stop here. Pull into this drive." It was the park again. "You sure? We're almost back to my place." "This is our spot. Will you suck me again?" Well, duh. Of course I would. He had already pulled it out - that fat little mushroom was as perfect as I remember. He was hard and oozing already. I dove for it and we repeated the scene from less than 24 hours ago. Only this time he was more urgent and I actually tasted the semen this time. Salty and organic. And a little sweet. Perfect in a way I could never really explain with words. He was breathing so heavily again. "Let's go chill at my place for awhile. We can watch TV and drink some Coronas. Sound good?" "Sounds wonderful, Dan." We walked in and he made himself right at home. My poor futon creaked under his weight. It wouldn't last much longer if we stayed together. Fuck it -- maybe I'd suggest having sex on the floor. I was about to turn on the TV when Jose interrupted me... "No. Play some of your music for me. I can a learn a lot about you from hearing your stuff." I fetched us two beers while thinking long and hard about what I'd play. He'd already taken off his shoes when I returned. I liked that he felt comfortable enough to do that. "I'll play you the first CD I ever bought. This chick from Sound Warehouse just sensed I'd dig it. The group is called Frazier Chorus -- it's the only one they ever released -- as far I know. It'd called 'Cloud Eight'. I used to listen to this after getting completely baked with the headphones on." "It's perfect. How old were you?" "22... Why?" "I love this music. I brought the weed this time. There's hash oil in it...so we'll take it slow." He pulled out a little baggie of weed and I loaded the bowl of my bong. And we smoked and kissed. The music sounded better and better. I was rubbing his socked feet and then we were kissing again. I could feel his heart beat against mine. We were in synch. Yep -- this was love. I mean, it had to be love, right? I just couldn't get enough of his body heat. "I want you to fuck me this time." Well - it was worth a shot. I was not exactly hung, but my dick was bigger than his. I grabbed this Vaseline moisturizing lotion I'd put on sunburns before. I always burned with the least little bit of Summer sun. Jose had already positioned himself on the floor. "I figured it would be easier this way." He'd stripped down to just his socks and so did I. His ass was huge. My first move was to get down behind him, pull apart those giant cheeks and plant my tongue in his pink hole. It smelled and tasted like a pond down there...but I was into it, as was he. He kept arching his back and moaned as I let my tongue wander as far as it could go stretch. I stopped liking it after a few minutes and rubbed lotion on my boner and a generous amount on his hole. It was as hot as a blast furnace inside of him. "Go slow, Dan." Oh, I would....mainly because I had no idea what I was doing. It felt good in there, even though he made a few grunts of pain. I went easier and slower. He said something in Spanish between gasps. I guess he was liking it. I was enjoying it to, but so many things told me if I came in him, we'd have completed a connection that could never really sever it. He came right there on my carpet -- and I just pretended to. We pulled apart and just lie together and breathed heavily with smiles on our faces. "Well, I guess we've popped each other's cherries." He seemed deliriously happy about that. "Yeah." Neither of us could know had no how badly I'd betray him within the next seven days. PART TWO On Monday morning. I cornered Ed and told him I wanted to meet with him sometime that day. He agreed we'd have a lunch meeting because his day was mostly packed. "I'll order us a couple of subs from that place across the street," I'd written everything I had down on a legal pad. He wanted his socks knocked off? We'd see. We sat in his office and ate our sandwiches, talked a little football until I pulled out my legal pad. "Oh boy -- here it comes. Don't tell me you tracked down some stories over the weekend." "I did. Three different stories, and I'll save the best for last." He finished the rest of his Italian sub in two bites. "OK. Shoot." "First - there's a gay bar in down that was named after the owner, but he died and left it to his son who was a Junior and doesn't want his name on the place. He's greedy enough to scrape whatever profits even those he's some kind of uptight Christian. So it's currently unnamed. Maybe we could have a contest or something. I mean, that could be fun." He didn't seem that impressed. "Maybe if it was a strip club, it could go somewhere. We'll sit on that one for awhile." "It attracts a lot of young gay hustlers. I could do a piece on their lives - get a look inside the sex trade." "Hmmm. We've done something about that before - but that was back when crack was the worst drug out there. Now there's so many different drugs, worse drugs. Let me think on that one for a bit. Would you be willing to go undercover as a hustler?" "Maybe. That sounds like it could be dangerous though." "Yeah -- but it's something to consider. Some day." "OK. This next idea is for a human interest piece. I met a guy, Hispanic guy who's lost two brothers to the prison system because of gang activity -- and another one was killed. Anyway, this guy is morbidly obese because he consumes food before grief can consume him," "Yeah! Now that's good! Do you think we could get him to agree to be photographed?" "Probably. I can ask him." "Even if it's just a shot from the back standing at his brother's grave. How fat is he?" "About your height, at least 330 pounds, maybe more." "Is he a friend you just met?" "Yeah -- so much of what I found is connected to my neighborhood. I just stopped at the bar with no name and the stories found me." "See? I told you to just get out and explore the city." "One more -- there's an artist on town who paints with blood. Human blood that's not his own. He pays street hustlers, homeless kids to 'donate'. I've talked to a few of them bit they're too scared to give me too many details. BUT - I got hold of one his business cards that I had to decode because he's just so, so mysterious, I guess. Anyway - I've got a 3 PM appointment to see his gallery on Wednesday. I'll need that afternoon off." "YES! THAT'S IT! Hell, Danny -- take the whole day off - with pay - turn something good in and I'll put you on the writing staff immediately." I beamed. "Think you can get some photos?" "Not right away. I'm posing as a rich trust fund kid who collects art." Ed suddenly looked doubtful. "Do you have the wardrobe to pull that off?" "I've got the clothes I wore to my graduation -- they might not be stylish now. No idea." "Here's a company credit card. Take Lance with you and go pick some stuff a rich kid would wear. This is too good a lead for you to blow it by wearing cheap clothes. I'll give you both the afternoon off. Let me talk to him first. Keep all receipts." Wow. I sorta all the sudden had a expense account. Things were looking up. Well Lance and I drove over to Damien's in the suburbs. "Thing is -- you have to wear these clothes casually because you live a life of leisure. If you're wearing two hundred leather loafers and just act as if you were wearing flip-flops from Wal-Mart. Everything should be loose and look expensive. You need to act like you don't care." 200 dollar shoes? "Think I can pull this off?" "You look the part. You're handsome and speak very well. I won't ask why you're posing because Ed told me not to pry. Hold your nose up a little and try to look down on whoever you're talking to." There's a type who sees dollar signs when they see that. " We racked up almost 900 dollars worth of stuff -- including some hair products and ridiculously expensive cologne. I had begun to feel rich as I carried the shopping bags out to the parking lot. "Well, Lance -- we've got the rest of the day off. Want to grab a drink somewhere?" "Sure. Where?" "You'll like it. It's the bar with no name and it's where I found some great characters -- including a boyfriend." "Wow. Let's go. I haven't been laid in two weeks."Two Weeks? Try 22 years. "Wait -- this place? It's a pit. Don't hustlers and drug addicts come here? No thanks." "What do you want, Lance? A fancy martini or some interesting local people?" He had to admit I had him there. It was business as usual when we walked in. A few old regulars and dirty street kids. No Jerry, but Earl was tending bar. God, did he ever go home? "Well...what have we here? You move on from Jose already?" He was smirking. "Earl - this is Lance. We work together. He's a real reporter." "So I could call Jose and tell him you're here?" "Sure. Go ahead. I want Lance to meet him anyway." Earl arched an eyebrow and made us our drinks. Lance leaned closer -- whispered, "A Mexican? Is he part of the story?" "Not really. We're dating. Earl doesn't know me that well yet, He hardly trusts anybody." There were hustlers here, but none of them were wearing bandages. They left us alone. "So you're into Latins? Is that why you never asked me out?" "What? No. We work together and live in the same building -- that could be a disaster," "Yeah. Maybe. I tend to just go for it and not worry about consequences." "That's kind of my attitude going into this story." "I'm intrigued." "Found the seeds of it right here." Earl came over and asked if we needed a refill. "And hey, Mr. Reporter -- I got a fake shoulder courtesy of North Vietnam. Hold on -- I just two of them punks go into the women's room together." That was against the rules...big time. Lance was plum amazed. "You were right about this place, Danny." "Told ya." "But we should really get back and get those clothes out of the bags so they won't smell so new," "Good idea. Should I hang them up or leave them just laying around like I don't care?" "Wear them to bed tonight, sleep in them and then take them off in the morning and hang them up. Do you smoke?" "Just a little weed sometimes." "Really? Can I come smoke some with you?" "Sure." I wasn't the least bit attracted to him and, plus, I think I was in love with my big ol' Jose. I was pretty sure. Almost 100% sure. We got back to my place and he admired what I had done with the tiny studio apartment. He probably had a bigger layout than this. I'd upgrade if I got the reporter job. I put in a tape I'd recorded the movie Blue Velvet on. I loved watching David Lynch films when I was stoned. "Go put on the new duds on -- including the socks and shoes. I promise I won't peek." I went to the bathroom and put everything on. The shoes were a little uncomfortable. I'd told him I was somewhere in the 10 to 11 range. Should have gotten the 11's. When I returned, Lance had to marvel at his own great taste. He was smoking a cigarette. "Got an ashtray?" "Hold on..." I went to the kitchen and fished out an empty Coke can from the trash. "This will have to do." "So ghetto - love it!" We smoked a bowl or two as we watched this fucked -up movie. He seemed to be moving too close and I just didn't trust my capacity for lust anymore. "You're pretty cool, Lance. But I'm seeing somebody. "Yeah - I know. I just get super horny when I'm baked. It's cool." "Thanks for helping me out today." He left me about five of his cigarettes. "All rich kids smoke." Made sense. And then he was gone. I sat there and smoked one of them and watched the rest of the movie. I heard a rustle outside my door. When I opened it, there was Jose taping a note to my door. "Oh. You're home! And look at those clothes!Wow." "Yeah. I had a job interview today." I hated having to lie to this totally honest man, but it wouldn't be the last time.. "Cool. I was babysitting for Mara while she ran errands and I...here." Hr handed me the note. It was a crudely-drawn heart with 'Jose and Dan Forever' written inside. I'd keep that forever. "Have you been smoking in here?" "Yeah -- it's a habit I picked back up again recently." He pulled out a pack of Merits out of his pocket. "I smoke too, but never wanted you to know." That was sweet, I guess. God, his poor heart. I needed to worry about that. "I just don't have an ashtray yet. I've been using this can." He lit one of his smokes me. "You look so nice. Can we go out somewhere so I can show you off? I want Mama to meet you. And you can see my room." "Sounds good." "Let's go! Let's take my truck. I've got a lawnmower in the back and - no offense - but this ain't a great neighborhood." "Yeah. I know." We got into his old, dented white truck. He immediately lit another cigarette and offered me one. "You're gonna love my Mama -- and I know she'll love you. She knows I'm gay, but we never talk about it. Nervous?" "About meeting your mom? A little." "It will be so fine -- don't worry. She hated that I was alone." "Why do you have a lawnmower? It's November." "It chops up the dead leaves and helps fertilize the grass." Ah. I guess that made total sense. We arrived at his fairly normal two-story house. Two little twin girls greeted us at the door, They hugged his legs and then looked me up and down. They were so cute. "Mia, Josephine -- this is Dan. He's a friend." They hugged me too. So this is what is like to have a family you loved. "Miguel is probably down in my room playing Sega. He's a pill." His mom was in the kitchen cooking something that smelled wonderful. "Mama -- I want you to meet someone." She turned around and regarded me with half-closed eyelids. "It's a pleasure to meet you. You're just as beautiful as Jose said you were." She smiled widely and gave me a huge embrace. "So handsome! You must eat supper with us. I need another grownup to talk to. Jose is always in his room and the kids are always fighting. Thank God I'm going through the change -- no more babies!" "I was the baby of my family. Probably an accident." "No, no. Just a surprise." I loved this family already. "Now go - I have to finish in here. I'll call you when the food is ready." We went down to Jose's room in the basement. It was pretty nice. There was a preteen boy - 11 or 12, playing the hell out of some video game. "Miguel. Pause that shit and meet my friend." Another beautiful kid. He was miffed and turned around to say a quick hello. "Is it your boyfriend???" "Go do your homework, cabrone." He left angrily and then it was just Jose and I. We embraced and I inhaled his musky, sweaty man smell. I was getting addicted to it. I wanted to get him naked again. "Mama won't be done cooking for another hour. Want to fool around a little?" "Fuck yes!" "Okay - but I want to tell you something -- I'd rather fuck you than the other way around. That alright?" "Absolutely. You're good at it." We got naked and he fucked me like a mad man. I loved the idea of his seed inside of me. It felt right. He glistened with sweat and panted, "I love your ass, Dan. It feels so good in there." "You have a talented dick, Jose." "We better get dressed now, Supper will be ready soon, Hungry?" "Not really - but it smells so good." "Eat as much as you can, please. Mama takes great pride in her cooking. She really likes you." Dinner (what I called the evening meal) was delicious. I ate as much as I could, but not nearly as much as Jose did. "That was great, Miss Martinez. I need to walk some of some of this off." "Yes, yes. You boys go have fun. I'll get the girls to help me clean up." We went back down to Jose's room. I thought we were going to have round two, but he was changing clothes. "I want to go show you off in those clothes some more. My aunt owns a cantina here in town, not far. It's not gay but somebody in my family is always there." I met his aunt and two of his cousins and we had some tequilas. Every single relative of his was beautiful. Jose wanted to go to no name bar. He could drink for free and kiss there. Well -- second time in one day. What the hell? Sure. I doubted very much that these clothes would smell new by Wednesday. Shit. I needed to be careful not to say a single word about any of that. Jerry was at the door and was still being cold towards me, towards us. It wasn't that busy. Earl was nice enough not to mention seeing me already once already today. "Look at you dressed all fancy. Jose here can drink for free, but you I gotta charge you." "No problem." "I'll pay if he has to," Jose offered. "Goddamn it, kids. I'll charge you both half price." I'd really liked the tequila we'd had already. I ordered two with beer chasers. "Uh oh. Don't tell me you like tequila now?! Be careful. My dad liked it too much and I think it's why Mama eventually kicked him out of the house. I haven't seen him in ten years." "Don't worry, Babe. I'm too invested in my career -- and you -- to waste my life away." "Oh look. One of those victims of the cutter is here. I'm so glad you're letting that go. I was worried." Man, I sucked. I was already withholding information stuff from him. Big stuff. We moved to a little table because Earl tended not like to see public affection right there at the bar. We kissed openly. I only regret the hateful glare we were getting from Jerry. "Let's go, Jose. It's been a long day and I have work in the morning." "Aww. Really? One more drink and a cigarette. Please?" "OK." I really had to give him that much after lying to his face. I really liked smoking. I hoped it wasn't going to become a habit. Too expensive. We got back to my place and I gave him a quick blow job. I couldn't get enough of his pure, all-natural life milk. I told him as much. Tomorrow would be a Tuesday...and then Wednesday PART THREE I kind of don't remember much about Tuesday. I'd always kind of thought of Wednesday as an unlucky day -- mainly because I always had to think twice about how to spell it. Lance and I went out for smoke breaks on the rusty fire escape. "Did you sleep with the clothes on last night?" "Nope. Didn't have to. I went to two bars and put them in a pile while I had sex. I hung them up and they look just perfectly abused now." "Tell me about your guy." "He's the sweetest man on Earth. Genuine. But he's...heavy." "Like 'fat'?" "Yeah. Very much so, but I don't use that word." That's pretty all that was noteworthy about my Tuesday. Oh, I talked with Jose on the phone and he sort of invited himself over. He fucked me, sweat all over me and left. OK. I had the next 17 hours to kill before my appointment tomorrow. I decided to smoke a lot of weed and listen to Depeche Mode with the headphones on. I really couldn't believe the bad review 'Rolling Stone' gave this CD. Violator was genius. It meshed with a good buzz so perfectly. I drifted off somewhere around four in the morning. I woke up around 10 am. Shit. Why couldn't I have woken up with only an hour left to get ready. I showered and used all the beauty products Lance had suggested. My hair looked ridiculously good. I got dressed in the new-ish clothes. I couldn't pace any more. I decided to leave the apartment at noon. I drove by the address. I shuddered for whatever reason. I needed to calm down. I saw a sports bar called 'Innings' (or something like that). I parked on the street. They'd have bar food and tons of TVs. I could kill a couple of hours here. Lance had warned me not to show up too early. "Rich dudes are always late and drunk by mid-afternoon. They don't have jobs." Done and done. I ate a plate of loaded nachos and watched the one TV that wasn't playing ESPN. Some game show. I would kick so much ass on one of these shows. No brag, but I would. Their tequila was a better brand than any I've tasted so far. the dudes here were all talking about the upcoming Sunday football games as I ate and got a little drunk...just a little. The food made me feel better. I still had an hour left. I joined the guys at the bar. You never knew where you'd find a story. I ordered another tequila and pretended to be straight. Every single person there was smoking. I lit one from the pack Jose left behind the night before. I didn't belong here, but I still had an hour to kill. The bartender turned his attention to me "You gotta college team, kid? "Nebraska". Groans from the other guys. I just knew it was a college with a good team. "Best keep that under your hat. What can I get ya?" "Tequila. House brand." The conversations here were boring as hell. What the fuck was "fantasy football"? They were really into arguing about their "leagues". No stories here...just boring straight man shit. I used to have teen crushes on those jock types in high school, but it was never enough to get me interested in sports. It was Wednesday but they were all watching highlights from Monday Night's game - like it even mattered. "You're new here. What do you do?" "I'm a reporter for the alternative weekly." "That free one? With all the gay shit in it?" "It's mostly about the local music scene. I cover actual news stories." "Oh yeah? There was a dead hooker found a few blocks from here. Strangled with the very necklace she was wearing -- or else it cut her throat, something like that. Paper never covered it." "Does that happen a lot around here?" He shrugged. "If it was the work of a serial killer -- then I would cover it." "Yeah -- I see." Less than 40 minutes to go. I must be developing a higher tolerance for alcohol because I only felt slightly buzzed. I tried not to think about how important this appointment could be to my future. I had to be cool. "One more tequila, and a pitcher of Miller Lite." "Comin' up." I couldn't stop fiddling around with the gold bracelet Lance had lent me to wear. I was not a jewelry person. "Thanks, man. Nice place you got here." "You think? It does OK." I had one of my mini notebooks and a palm-sized pen in my front pocket. I really should buy one of those tiny tape recorders. I'd put that on my Christmas list. Also a cell phone. I just hated the idea of always being available. 24/7. Jose had one because of his landscaping work. I was finally getting slightly drunk and decided it was close enough to 3 to leave. One more cigarette and a trip to the bathroom and I'd be good to go. I peed and stood in front of the mirror and took a look at my pretend self. The clothes looked just unkempt enough, but my hair was not messy enough. I put a palm full of water through it. OK. Better. I looked as close to a rich kid as I ever would. The shoes were finally stretching out a little. I walked out and let the chilly Autumn air wake me up and put some color in my cheeks. And there I was. Not Dan or Danny -- Daniel was here. I pressed the buzzer and waited. "Yes?" It was Julie Andrews again. "Daniel Sherwood. I have an appointment." "Yes. I see. Come on up to the fifth floor. I'll be waiting." The door clicked. I was in. The elevator was an old, iffy freight lift that was very David Lynch. The whole building was. I practiced my bored look as I made sure my fly was closed. "Mr. Sherwood?" There she was. She didn't look anything like Julie Andrews. She was dressed like a spinster librarian with glasses and a bun in her white hair. She also didn't seem the least bit pleasant. I could give that attitude right back to her. She unlocked a door and let me in to the gallery space. Impressive. "Of course there's no photography allowed." There were no prices on anything - because rich people just bought whatever they wanted without caring about trivial things like cost. "At this end, we still have a few of Salvador's earliest pieces." They were distinctively rust-colored, an ominous brown that I guess blood dries into. "Most of those were done before he started mixing blood with oil paints. As we move to the right, you'll see the colors get richer and more defined." "Yes. I see that." I tried to look bored - even though the man obviously had talent. Every single canvas was done in shades of red. "Just early this year, he began to get more abstract. weird red you'd never see in a Sherwin Williams store. 'Hustler blood' was all I could think. "I like this much more, but I believe I'd like something done with my own blood. Something personal. Does he do commissions?" "They may be arranged, if his schedule can be freed up. I'll have to talk to him first." "I see. It's for a gift." Her portable phone rang. "One moment please. Feel free to look around." She answered it with her Julie Andrews voice. "Gallery. This is Valerie. Yes, Mrs. Mallory... oh. Oh! Well...yes, yes. I understand. Of course. I'm not sure." She moved back out into the hall. It was about then that I heard the music. Loud metal music. I followed it to another door at the far left end of the loft. I wondered if Salvador was actually in there, working. I chanced it. It was another huge room that had a plastic tarp on the floor and many opened tubes of paint. The music was godawful shit that I thought Nirvana had killed off already. Salvador was wearing a painter's smock. And nothing else. I could see his bare ass. He didn't see me, but moved to turn the music off. "Ah - the art collector is here." "I'm sorry to disturb you." He turned to face me. He was astonishingly handsome. Jet black hair and a neat little mustache and goatee that Lucifer himself only wishes he could have. "You aren't a patron of the arts and you're not wealthy. You fooled Valerie, though. That's not easy to do. You were just drawn here, drawn to me." "No...I..I mean, I just...." Damn. I was busted. "Look -- I'm a wanna-be reporter and I'd like to do a story about you." "Want it bad enough to give me some blood?" Oh fuck no! "Well..." "I bet you have that ice cold Northern European blood - which is not easy to find around here." "OK. I'll do it. Now?" "No. Can you come back later tonight? Around 10?" Valerie burst in. "Mr. Sherwood! This is not allowed! I'm so sorry, Salvador!" "Go mind those receipts, Valerie. We're discussing business." She harrumphed and left abruptly. "But first...mind if I make one small cut? Just to see the color, maybe have a taste." "Uh..." This better get me a better job somehow. "OK." "I'll let you photograph me --even if it's just a silhouette. I have a fantastic camera. We'll talk more tonight." "OK, But not too deep -- and somewhere I can hide it." "How about a little nick on the cheek? You can say you sneezed while you were shaving. That OK?" No. "I guess. As long as you use a fresh blade. And only make a little cut." "I use Exacto blades -- you can watch me put in a new blade. Smart. I like that." I watched him take a fresh blade from a little plastic box and he replaced the old one with it. Was I actually going to let him do this? "Just a small cut, OK?" "Absolutely. Mr. Sherwood." And then he made a quick little jab on my cheek and I barely felt it. He collected the drips in a small glass vial. There are a lot of little blood vessels on the face and the little tiny cut bled a lot and wasn't clotting anytime fast. "Beautiful! It's so pure." He then leaned down and licked the fresh wound on my face, I'd never agreed to that! Fuck! "Mm... you've smoked some weed recently and drank alcohol very recently. You don't use drugs -- not a virgin. " Was this guy a vampire or something? "You can taste all that??" "Oh yes. My sense of smell, taste and vision are very refined." "OK. Do you, um, have a band-aid you let me put on." He fetched one and I hoped no blood had gotten on my shirt. "See you at 10 tonight. Valerie won't be here. It'll be just us." I left and walked back to where my car was parked. As much as I wanted to stop at No Name, I couldn't. I was wearing the same clothes as I was on Monday. Plus -- even though the shaving accident excuse would probably fly, I'd met my quota of lies for the past couple of days. I knew I'd have to probably find a way to avoid Jose. We were having sex almost every night before his shift. Another lie would have to happen. There were messages on my machine but I just wanted to take a nap. I took off the shoes and lied down on the futon. I didn't wake up until it was almost 8 PM. Phone. "Hello?" "Hey! I been trying to reach you all day. What's up?" "I'm sick -- stayed home in bed today." I actually did feel a little unwell right then. "Oh no! What's wrong?" "Sore throat, coughing...no fever. It's just a bad cold." "Oh man. It's about that time of year I guess. Can I bring you anything?" "No. I hope you don't get it too." "OK. Call me tomorrow. Just rest and drink some fluids. Good night, Dan. I love you." "Me too, Bye." While I was on a roll, I'd call Ed. "Hey! I left you a message. I was worried. How did it go?" "Well...I'm part of the story now." He audibly gasped. "He'll give me an interview if I agree to give him some of blood. It's later tonight. I can also score photos that he wants final approval of." "Holy SHIT, Danny! Are you sure about this? Will you be safe? I mean - look, if you want to drop this now, I'll let you do the fat guy story." "Yeah -- I'm part of that story too." "Oh man ...Danny...I mean...." "Look, it's fine. I'll be OK. But I may be in late tomorrow." "Take the day off. Get rest, scribble some stuff down and try not get too personally involved with your work. You're just like I was back in the day --and it nearly killed me." I hung up. And wanted to shower and get ready. I could just dress as myself this time. There was no need to pretend for Salvador's sake. I was ready. I sat in front of the TV and opened the bottle of Mexican wine Jose had bought over the other night. I knew nothing about wine, but it wasn't bad. I'd chilled it even though I didn't know if I was supposed to. Some of them were supposed to be warm I suppose. I had fresh mini notebook in my pocket. I smoked two cigarettes and checked myself in the bathroom mirror. The bleeding had stopped on my cheek and was barely noticeable. I could always let some designer stubble grow in. I'd look like the other trendy dudes in the office. I needed to go. Even though I still had 45 minutes to go. No Fear. PART FOUR I was early again. I'd parked at that same random sports bar to have a few drinks. I'd put this on the company account. Small crowd again, but different bartender. Same insanely boring hetero talk. this new barkeep carded me. Asked me if I had a college team too. "M.U. for football, K.U. for basketball." (I went to Creighton and had no idea where they were in the standings -- or if they even had sports teams) "No way - you can't have the best of both worlds -- pick a state, kid!" Fuck him. I ordered some double shots of Captain Morgan rum and handed him the card. "Want to run a tab?" "Yeah. What time is it?" "8:50. Got a hot date later?" Sorta "No. Not exactly." I wanted a really healthy buzz by 10 -- and I needed to calm down. I know one thing: I was not going to let him lick the cut he made on me. That had to be somewhat unsafe -- the human mouth was full of bad-ass bacteria. I'd brought a little box of my own razor blades from home. I only ever shaved with a traditional razor. Those electric shavers just didn't do a good enough job. I kept getting them for Christmas from different family members, but always re-gifted them eventually. "Damn, Kid! You some kind of camel or something? You're supposed to sip rum, not down it like beer." Fuck him twice. He had no idea what lie ahead for me. I got out my little notebook and looked at all the questions I'd thought to ask. I'd done some internet research and discovered Salvador wasn't the only artist who painted with blood. There were more than a few, but he was the only one I'd found who used other people's blood - and the only one who mixed it with regular oil paint (that I could find). I underlined a few key words and added some thoughts. I had to get this right. The bartender handed me a tall glass this time. It was a rum and coke, with a 'heavy pour'. "It's almost 9:30....what's that? Your diary?" "No. I just take notes all the time. I'm a reporter." That still wasn't exactly true. But after tonight.... I just hated how easily I could lie these days. I remember ,as a kid, thinking only kids lied. Adults just wouldn't, couldn't tell a fib. Kids are dumb. I was numb but had work to do -- I'd get there early. So what? I was no longer 'Mr. Daniel Sherwood". Just Danny. Punk. asshole, wanna-be reporter. I buzzed the door. Silence. Then I heard a harried voice answer... "Daniel? You're a little early and I've got somebody here. Can you..? Oh never mind -- come on up. I'll leave the door unlocked." It buzzed. Maybe he had another 'donor' up there. This was usually about the time I'd started seeing them filter into No Name. Why was I jealous? Simple - I was very much attracted to this demonic vampire freak. Not in love. Just ... just something else. I went inside the gallery space and saw Salvador and some grungy kid sitting together,forehead to forehead. The hustler kid was bawling his eyes out and Salvador was saying quiet, comforting words to him and gently putting some gentle pressure on his bandaged forearm. "Sh, Sh. You need to go home and relax.Don't smoke any more T tonight and stay off the street. They'll all be waiting for you tomorrow. Take those iron pills I gave you and maybe some B-12." The scummy kid was still crying, but tried to compose himself. I'd never seen such a tough-looking dude show so much vulnerability. I pretended to be interested on one of the paintings. You can pretty much hear everything in one of these big spacious lofts. Had the hustler freaked? About the cut? Or was it the drugs he had probably taken? I had no idea what 'T' was. It could be smoked was all I knew so far. I needed to ask Salvador. I needed to know so much. The guy left. We were alone at last. I felt my dick harden. "Lose your shoes and socks -- we're going back to the studio and there's paint on the floor. If you step in anything, you'll know it right away...and you won't track it back out here. Old painter's secret." I was a little embarrassed about my feet. I needed to take better care of them. His bare feet were extra long and looked very groomed. "Actually -- get completely naked and I'll give you the gifts I got for you." Oh no. Get naked in front of this guy?? I wasn't ashamed of my body. I was lean and had a fairly nice penis -- that I wish wasn't so erect. 'Gifts'. I'd eventually get one more than I bargained for, and only know about it a few weeks later. "Does this excite you a little?" Don't be embarrassed. Let's go on back to the studio. I just left my clothes and shoes there on the floor. Was I supposed to bring them? The cold air was going to kill my boner for sure. The work area was covered with a new plastic tarp with paint spills everywhere..,god, I hoped it was paint and not blood. "Here" he held out a paint-spattered flannel shirt. "You look a little cold. And then we'll get started. I'm guessing you don't want the cut on your arm. I can do it on your upper thigh -- it'll be easy enough to conceal under your boxers." "What about the interview?" "After. I have some surprises for you after we cut." Well...It's not like I had a lot of options here. "Oh. Should I stand?" Was this all really happening? "Yes! Blood flows downward, thanks to gravity. I won't need to cut so deeply. I'll have to be careful -- your femoral artery is down in that area. Now I'm really wanting to use some arterial blood eventually because it's more bluish. But I can't take that risk. Not with you. Do you have a lover, Danny?" "Yes. He doesn't know anything about this. We're still new to each other. My first boyfriend." "Spanish?" "Yeah -- how did you..." Forget it -- he was some kind of weird psychic freak. "Try to stand still. I have to be careful in this area." Shit. I'd left my fancy new razor blades in my jeans pocket. "Do you have more clean exacto blades?" "I still have the one I used on you earlier. All washed and everything. Still sharp as hell. I even accidentally cut my thumb with it as I dried it off. Why wasn't I smart enough to ask if he'd washed it again? With alcohol? I didn't think of too many other things except -- maybe I should get the hell out of here. "OK." My boner was rising again. I loved that was kneeling down with a knife in his hand. I stayed as still as I could. This cut hurt more than the one he made on my cheek. He went deeper. and I felt the warm blood start flowing down my cold bare leg. "Uh oh. That maybe went too deep. Stay put." He collected several glass vials of the gushing blood and of course put his mouth on the cut and sucked dome up. I was still wasn't OK with that. "Saliva is a natural coagulant. This won't last. I didn't hit the artery. This is why I usually use the guys' arms and wrists." "Wow. Did I just lose too much blood? I'm dizzy." "No - less than a pint. Or about just about a pint. I'll get you some juice and cookies in a second. Hold this cloth over the cut and put some pressure on it. Let me go get you some of your gifts, He came back with two boxes, his fancy camera and two folders. "I have my own darkroom and took some pictures of the gallery, the studio and myself -- partially shadowed and distorted in an antique mirror. That old glass that warps everything. These are for your story. The other photos are for you -- and just you, Not for publication. I put the appropriate negatives. in the photos folder that can be published. I'm keeping the other negatives. Don't look at them now.Now - open this box. It was a tiny little recorder - just what I'd wanted. "I know you like to write in your little notebook, but I talk a lot and I talk fast. This will be easier to transcribe for your article. "Wow. Thank you so much, Salvador. I still have my notebook with questions written in it. This is perfect!" It's got a fresh cassette in it as well as new batteries. You're all set. Okay....open the other one. It was a mini digital camera. "That's for you to use next time. You have a computer, right? With a USB port?" "Three of them." "Nice. You look pale -- let me get you some juice and some Oreos." Gross. "Let me check you out for paint and blood. Lift your feet up. OK. Your cut is already clotting." We can go out to the gallery and have a seat. I was still naked. I sat on a sofa as he got me the promised glass of orange juice and a handful of cookies. I was hungrier and thirstier than I thought. I needed it too. I felt stronger. "Need the bathroom? It's right past the studio door. I went. But I didn't really have to go. Nothing came out from either end. I was still deathly pale, but I was usually looked too white anyway. I came back out and Salvador was sitting on the couch -- totally naked. Stimulating himself. Shit! OK. It's not like I didn't want this to go further - but I needed my interview. "Whoa -- you are one confident man, Salvador!" "I'll behave -- for now. I recorded some personal thoughts already. You can listen later. Let's get started." "OK. When did you first get interested in painting with blood?" "Call it a fetish. I love the life force and I think most art is too cold. Blood painting is warm. I used to just use my own blood, but it was too personal -- I started asking others to donate blood - friends, lovers. family. It freed me up creatively. But blood changes color because of the iron content. It also flakes off unless you use a fixative. I was selling my work while still in school. I got interested in using strangers' blood. The easiest donors were these street kids who had drugs and disease in their system. It makes a difference in texture and color. I got inspired. Bit it still rusted and flaked. So I began to mix the blood with oil paint -- which stays around for centuries. Obviously. I still like the color red. So do my customers." "Do you feel like it's reckless to paint with blood when there are some serious blood-borne diseases out there?" "Possibly. I don't like the word 'reckless'...I prefer to call it 'daring'. I need to be as brave as the young men who volunteer to let me cut them. I've had the AIDS virus for ten years -- from my own activities unrelated to art --and some of the paintings you've seen in the gallery are tainted -- but the virus dies quickly outside the body. I don't use drugs, but I do get a secondhand high when I smell or taste chemical blood. Turn off the recorder." I did. "Are you scared now?" "No -- Yes. A little. I'm new to sex. I was a virgin until this past weekend. I think I'm in love with the guy." "Love is as dangerous as sex, Daniel. OK. Turn the recording on again." He stood up and his dick and hairy torso were beautiful and in plain view. "I'm going to paint now as we talk. I hope you don't mind -- you are inspiring me. He put his smock on and left the room. That furry ass of his was so perfect. He came back with a new bottle of wine and a corkscrew. It's still corked so you know I didn't put anything in it. Some guys assume I'm going to drug them, but that's not my style. I understand their distrust." He mixed a vial of my fresh blood with a small amount of crimson paint. " I only had 50/50 luck with uncorking wine bottled on my own, but I couldn't fuck this up in front of him. "Glasses?" "What? Oh - no. We can just take swigs from the bottle if you're comfortable with that?" Yes. No. Oh fuck it. I took a generous gulp from the very dry red wine. He was already painting on the fresh canvass. "Is seduction part of your work?" "It's possibly part of this one - but not usually. I'm just sourcing materials for art." "Do you consider your work ethical?" "I hate that word. Nothing is 100 % ethical. Vegetarians make such a big deal about their 'cruelty-fee' diets, but tons of tiny animals are killed when grains and vegetables are harvested. Rodents and such. Is that ethical?" He was talking in circles and I needed to reign this in. But then he had the brilliant idea of cutting his own groin and mixing his blood in with mine. I involuntarily shuddered. "When and why did you start going abstract with your artwork?" "Earlier this year. I felt like brushes were putting too much distance between me and the canvas. I started finger-painting like a pre-school kid. It was a revelation!" His groin was still bleeding. It was alarming. "The work progressed towards abstraction just by not using traditional tools. "You might need to tend to your cut, Salvador." "Perhaps...in a bit. I'm just too into this now. This piece will not be for sale!" He added some dark blue. Making violet. "Do you see yourself working with blood forever? Is this your permanent medium?" "I don't know -- that's a very good question. It will always involve something provocative -- I once considered using snake venom mixed with blood. Or doing something 3-D, sculpture or something. Right now - I'm still so drawn to blood for now. I'm always thinking of new ways to incorporate it. These street kids are using different drugs now. Opiates are really intriguing to me currently. The blood is a little lazy - which is why yours is so unique. It's lively and clean but chilled like glacial water. I once tried mixing urine with paint but there was no life in the art. And it was just too distasteful to my eye." "Why do you think people are so drawn to your paintings?" "Some people are just morbid -- like those people who bought John Wayne Gacy's paintings that he makes on death row. I think even Dahmer's father sold some terrible drawings and wrote a book. Some weirdos are just always looking for something new, something dark. Other's are just attracted to me -- to a kind of danger they think I represent. I'm actually harmless, but it's easier to just take their money and let them think whatever they want." I drank more of the wine but Salvador hadn't touched it. I guess maybe he saw a little bit on concern on my face because he walked over and took a long swag. His large penis was half erect. I just reached over and touched it. I just had to. "I've got an idea. Come with me." I didn't even think twice about following him. He had me stand at the easel and gave me the blood/paint. "This will be my first collaboration. Paint something - go with what's already there and carry it for a while. There are brushes over there or you can use your fingers, whatever. I put my index finger directly on his dripping wound. I held to my lips. "What's it taste like, Danny?" "Passion. Hot, risky passion." "Go with that." I painted using just his blood and then with some of the maroon paint. My own cut was still dripping a little and I added that too. I added all three liquids. and reached what I thought was a natural stopping point. He was impressed. "Done! I love your instincts! I guess writing and painting are very similar. We just finished the first the first chapter in our story. Together." It looked like a piece of organ meat to me, but of course I didn't say that." And then we were kissing passionately His fully hard dick was rubbing against mine and I reached around a grabbed his furry butt. He took my face in his hands. "Are you sure?" No."Very!" He brought me down to the floor and mounted my body. Our bloody, paint spattered naked bodies merged and he entered me. I wasn't thinking this through very well - we were just just making another creation, still collaborating. This way more painful than when Jose first nailed me with his stubby little member, nut I was infinitely more turned on. That makes a difference as it turns out. I wanted him in me deeper and deeper despite the pain. He was jabbing away the same he stabbed his fingers directly onto the canvas. Art was being made inside of me. I should remember to write that phrasing down. "I'm signing it now...I'm coming!! He heaved as he shot a hot load deep into my guts. I wouldn't need a test to confirm I was now infected. I was a walking, talking, writing work of art. The way I lived my life from here on would be different. He stayed inside me as his dick got soft. "Want the shower first?" "Yeah -- do you have hydrogen peroxide?" "No! That makes the cut heal slower. Use soap and warm water. Not too hot. You don't have anything in your hair, but some of the paint may be hard to get off your skin. I've got a special mixture of stuff you can use on that later. It's a little hard on your skin - so use some moisturizer afterwards. I'll send you home with everything you'll need. What are you thinking? "Only good things, Salvador. Only good things." He grinned at me and I finally saw the glowing light behind his 'evil' disguise. We hugged again. And then I showered. When I came out of the shower, all clean (on the outside at least) Salvador was trying to extract the blood and semen mix I'd left in the spot where my ass was during sex. "You don't mind if I use this, do you?" "No. Not at all." "I've got clients from Italy flying in tomorrow morning. Think we could meet again on Friday? After 6 PM? This new painting of ours will be ready for you to take home." "Wow! Thanks! Sure. Think you get some quotes from these clients? Maybe a photo? I can messenger some release forms to Valerie first thing in the morning." "No. I've already got all kinds of legal forms on hand. I even signed some for the photos in the one folder. Remember -- those other photos are for you only. Don't share them or reproduce them in any way--not that you would. I'm lawyered up, man. You can understand why, "Yes. Well, I've got a story to work on. It's almost 1." "Read all the instructions and learn to use it. It shouldn't be that difficult for a smart guy like you." "I appreciate all this, Salvador." "That's another thing. My real is Simon. Simon Goldman. I chose to go by Salvador when I was in art school. I'm 40 years old." "What would you prefer to be called by my me?" "Your lover." I just kissed him and left. "See you on Friday." I was too wired to go straight home. I had tomorrow off -- but a lot of work to do. No way could I go back to No Name. I could probably never go there again. I'd have to lose that place, I'd have to lose sweet Jose, his wonderful family and my negative HIV status. Things would change now. I went back to the sports bar and there was a different bartender working. I couldn't drink tequila ever again now so I ordered a pitcher of beer, got some quarters and went to play some pinball. Jose had probably called me to see if I was feeling better. Maybe he was hoping I'd be well enough to host him again before his shift began. I couldn't. I had my lover's virus replicating inside my bloodstream -- even sucking his dick was not 100% safe now. People think playing mindless games is just mindless and an escape from reality don't understand that, yes - it does occupy the detail-oriented part of your brain while the rest of your mind is processing other things. It's also true when you're drawing or writing and even when you're washing dishes. The mind is most active when you're in the deepest stage of sleep. I bet my lover knew that already. I finished my third beer and decided to call it a night. I wanted to look at the photos and listen to the tape. Was it still recording while we had sex? I drove home without incident even though I knew I'd never pass a breathalyzer test just then. Messages from Jose, Mom and Ed. All of them were probably worried, but it was a little too late for that. I wouldn't start the story or listen to the tape until I'd had a good sleep. But I would look at the photos he'd taken just for me. The first few were gorgeous photos of his face and torso. A couple of shots of his hard dick with every single vein, pore and pubic hair shown in glorious detail. I didn't beat off or even attempt to read up on the digital camera. I just slept. Let it all work itself out in the my dreams. END

I'm sharing my Instagram account because I'm always looking for new pals. There's no porn or even anything remotely sexual on my feed -- just some random artwork, cartoons and photos. Find me at russKC Do you have an account? Let us know.....

I just started an account and follow pals as well as some random, anonymous studs - but there's a 'no porn' rule there. I just post my artwork and cartoons there. I wouldn't mind a few new friends there. Let me know if it's OK to give out my account name. Thanks. (sorry if this has already been addressed)