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Found 19 results

  1. Where can I find some porn where guys are fucking a bottom bloody, using cruel condoms, and blood slamming? The closest I found was Camilo Uribe was fucking this guy and got some blood on his dick it was super hot, but it is difficult to find. I don't want anything super gory, but be hot to see guys pulling out their cock and having some blood on it. Thanks
  2. After being fucked - even with lots of lube - when I go to squirt the cum out or go to the loo later, there always seems to be a lot of blood. (it looks a lot when its on tissue but probably isn't masses) Sometimes there can still be a bit of blood the net morning or even the next day. There's no pain or anything. Anyone else have this problem and how can I stop it?
  3. I stayed at a friend's place for a few days, but most of the time he was at work or away, so I ended-up spending my time chilling out or on Grindr. There were some fit dudes in the area, but from speaking with them I figured bareback was a 'no go'. I noticed a cute young white twink who was a little further away. His profile had bareback written all over it and he was desperate to get loaded up, anytime, anywhere and by anyone. Just from looking at the profile and his pics I knew he was going to be a sleazy bug chaser. So I contacted him, and early in our conversation I brought up the subject and soon after that he was begging to be converted with my strain, saying he was negative, (which I found hard to believe as he had talked about what a cum whore he was) and that he had been taking loads non stop over the last few years. Similarly he didn't quite believe that I was poz. As we continued exchanging messages, several times he verified (as best he could) that I was genuinely positive. I told him the truth, how I had been poz for the last five years and had never taken any meds, although I would need to start treatment fairly soon. Well, it was clear his hole was desperately hungry and twitching for my dick and poz seed, so I told him I would GUARANTEE his conversion if he was willing and understood the risks. Immediately he agreed as he was obsessed with prospects of obtaining my strain. (I made the guarantee knowing I've built up quite a toxic strain over the years, especially as I've traveled for work all over the globe, and I've fucked quite a few holes in different countries, although, truth be told, I've had more loads fucked into my ass overall. I'm a no-questions-asked type of guy when it comes to bottoming, although on BBRTS, I always tend to search for poz tops. Naturally neg tops don't do much for me, but perversely neg bottoms are.) We exchanges several more messages, and eventually he gave me his address. I instructed him to (i) leave the door on the latch, (ii) be on all fours, (iii) wearing his sluttiest jock strap and (iv) place a toothbrush on the bed. I was quite sure he knew exactly what I had planned for his juicy neg hole. It took about 20 minutes to get to his place. Pushing the front door open with ease, I stepped inside and closed it behind me. I reached up under my baseball cap and pulled down the black balaclava hidden beneath it. I walked the length of the ground floor apartment and found the door to the bedroom. On the bed was a smooth hole in the air in a well used cum/lube stained jockstrap and a brand new toothbrush placed just under the waistband. The cum dump had a lean build, appeared to be early to mid twenties, smooth all over with light brown/blond hair and a beefy ass. I unzipped my jeans, releasing my semi hard dick, walked towards the head of the bed, grabbed the cum dumps head and pulled it back, "Open your mouth, pig. The more spit on my dick means the easier it goes in your hole." Not only do I not believe in using rubbers. I also don't believe in using lube either, figuring the bottom doesn't deserve it! He opened his mouth wide, I rammed my dick straight in and as deep as I could. He gagged and recoiled but that just made my dick even harder. Next I ran my hand down his back and the tip of my finger circled his hole. It was nice and dry, I was glad the fucker hadn't pre-lubed before I got there. He continued to work his mouth around my shaft for several minutes, occasionally begging for my poz seed when he came up for air, pleading for it to be deposited deep inside his guts and not down his throat. I moved down and round to his ass, rubbing my sloppy dick over the hole, applying just enough pressure to tease the opening but not penetrate it. "What is it you want, pig?" "I NEED your toxic strain inside my ass, Sir." "Are you sure you want it? It's a really potent, unmedicated bug. It's the greatest gift you could ever hope to receive. But you know what? I'm not sure you really deserve it. But then, the risk and decision is solely yours. There won't be any opportunity to change your mind - once we get started." "I'm desperate for the bug, Sir. I've wanted it for such a long time. Rape your strain into my ass as roughly as you can. No pulling out, and no 'safe word'. As he commited himself, I felt his dick harden in excitement. "Good answer, fuck pig. First, however, I need to prep your hole. I'm gonna brush it so it's nice and bloody, and the strain definitely takes - and quickly. "Yes, Sir. Will it definitely take? You're definitely poz, right? I really hope you are!" "As I said before, pig, I am most definitely poz, and guarantee my strain will sero-convert you. If you still don't believe me, well, you will believe me in about a month. Just wait and see!" I slid the new toothbrush out from under the jock, running my thumb over the clean white dry bristles, rubbing the toothbrush gently over his hole for a few seconds, then grasped the handle firmly as if I were holding a knife, without warning and in one quick movement drove the toothbrush deep into his guts. The stupid fucker squirmed and let out a cry which he muffled by driving his head down into the pillow. I started out with a gentle sawing motion inside his hole, applying more and more pressure, then reverting to a gentle brush, seeing just how much he could take. The more he squirmed the harder my dick got. I withdrew the brush and found it covered in a little blood, I pulled his head back, lifted the blindfold he was wearing off for a second and showed the dumb twink the bloody toothbrush before reinserting it. I continued with the previous brushing method, then started to rotate the brush 360 degrees. Now that was painful, it was clear to see from his muffled screams. My dick was throbbing by that point and dripping with pre-cum. It was time to fuck. It was time for his conversion. I pulled the brush out of his ass as roughly as I could. The bristles were now covered with a large amount of bright red blood. His hole was more than ready! "It burns. It feels like my hole's on fire, Sir." I positioned my dick over the now bloody hole and slid in slowly, I wanted to savour every minute. The blood, earlier spit and pre-cum helped lube my entry. He let out a low moan as each inch passed through his ring. His hole grasped tightly around my shaft and I started to jack hammer his ring, pounding my meat as deeply and roughly as I could. The entire time he begged for my poz jizz. After approximately 15 minutes of continuous fucking, as the sweat dripped from my body and as his blood seeped from his hole, I was ready to shoot my load. "Here it comes, pig. You ready for it? My nasty toxic bug. My pure, potent strain of poz cum. Beg me for it! Beg me, pig! Be the stupid fucker who begged to get pozzed-up." "Please, Sir, poz my hole, I beg you! Convert me! I want your DNA inside of my ass - to be a part of me forever. You will own me, but your seed will destroy my hole." With that my cock pulsed several times, I began grunting and spewed out my three-day load, completely emptying my nuts into the pig's guts. As the last spurts drained into his body, I collapsed on top of him, pinning him to the mattress. Then, whispering into his ear I said "Welcome to the club, AIDS pig. You are now completely fucked. I've just give you one of the nastiest strains of HIV on the planet. You dumb fuckin' whole. I know you're going to come to regret taking my load." I pulled my meat out and wiped my bloody shaft on his bed sheets, cleaned up and was out of there within a few minutes. Later that evening, of course, he messaged me on Grindr thanking me for his conversion. I sensed that he still doubted my status. I told him I wanted to hear from him as soon as he started to get sick with the fuck flu. A few weeks passed and I dropped him a message on Grindr. He answered saying he felt unwell, and suspected it was the fuck flu. My dick hardened and I gloated that I had guaranteed his conversion, and his doubts aside, I was a man of my word. He continued to thank me for my strain, apologising for his initial doubts and how he was hungry for more strains. Another week went by and he hadn't replied to my most recent messages, but I honestly didn't think much about him. Then a week after that he contacted me, telling me that he was so weak from my strain he had had to spend the remainder of his fuck flu in hospital, on an IV drip! When I read as much I instantly got a boner. After all, I suppose if you're going to do a job then you have to do it well, and his this case I did it extremely well. He's a lucky pig to get such a potent strain and he knows it. He tells me that he's started to fuck as many twinks as he can find... apparently good news isn't the only thing to spread fast
  4. First a little about myself. I just turned 18 a few months ago. It's been mom and I for as long as I can remember. Mom has been a nurse at least my entire life and even before then. She is now the head nurse (no pun intended) at our local hospice which cares for men with AIDS. I have been around sick men ever since I can remember. I have helped mom and the other nurses out quite a bit. I clean up on occasion and help feed those that cant feed themselves. The disease has never scared me. When I was a lot younger I realized I enjoyed being around these men. My voice and mannerisms were more feminine than masculine. I discussed this with my mom and discovered I was indeed gay. My mom approved of my sexuality so I got lucky there. As my hormones started kicking in I noticed being around these men was giving me a hard on. I would come home and jerk off and then lick myself clean. I enjoyed my own cum and definitely wondered what theirs would taste like. Since I had no dad the birds and the bees were taught to me by mom. We discussed my fantasies I was having for those men and she said for my 18th birthday I could start living out my fantasies in real life. She revealed that some of the men thought I was beautiful which made me blush. I stand at 5 feet 3 inches and weigh about 110. Shoulder length blonde hair that thanks to mom I style it like a girl does. As my teenage years progressed I noticed my fantasies were getting hotter. I imagined being called a dirty faggot while taking these mens loads. Being pissed on had crept in there as well. I knew that I at 18 I was going to get fucked. What I didn't know was that I would be the hospice whore and I couldn't refuse any loads. The night before my 18th birthday mom instructed me on how to clean out my hole. After doing this I had a lite dinner and repeated the same process the morning of my 18th birthday. Mom inspected me and when she was satisfied she handed me a pink silk robe and slippers. I was told that was my clothing for the next four days. My birthday fell on a Thursday. We left home and headed to the hospice. Before going in mom attached a leash and collar on me and led me inside like a bitch. As we neared the entrance mom took off my robe. Once inside I was put on all fours and led into the family room. There were 2 men there already. Mom took off my leash but left the collar on. She told the two men which I recognized to have fun knocking me up. I knew what she meant because of my research on the matter. Before mom even walked out the door Sam had his cock in my mouth. Mom just laughed and went about her business. Sam is definitely a sick man. He has sores on his body and cock. I must admit I still worshipped his cock. The other gentleman Michael stopped Sam for a minute. Michael then slapped me a couple of times across the mouth to get my lip bleeding so I had an open wound while giving Sam a blowjob. Those sores were rubbed all over my busted lip. Some would say that's abuse but I came from Michael doing that. While I worshipped Sam's cock Michael only using spit for lube rammed his cock up my ass. I tried to scream but Sam held me tight against his cock. Sam's cock is only 7 inches and sort of thin. Michael on the other hand has a ten inch cock and fairly thick. It felt like Michael ripped my ass into. I soon realized that he did it on purpose to get me bleeding so I can take his AIDS cum directly in my bloodstream. Sam came fairly quickly but he didn't pull out of my mouth after cumming. I did swallow his cum and he let me nurse his cock while Michael continued the assault on my hole. Michael fucked me for a while and kept saying how good my pussy felt. Okay I thought only women had pussies but I quickly learned that as a bottom my ass is a pussy for gay men. When Michael got ready to cum he sped up his thrusts and was pounding my pussy hard. I started moaning and Sam pulled his cock from my mouth so my moans couibe heard by anyone walking outside the door. Then it happened. Michael started cumming and Breeding my pussy. God it felt like he shot a dozen huge globs of AIDS cum in my pussy. After he finished he kept his cock in my pussy to make sure I got it all and to make sure no cum leaked out. Once he was soft even I was exhausted. Both he and Sam left the room and I thought I was going to get a nap in. I was wrong. Mom came walking in with two more men to use me. She inspected my pussy and laughed. She said oh I bet in a couple of weeks you will be pregnant. But don't worry because once you're knocked up then your ass is going on meds. You are still my son and I want you around for a very long time. In the meantime your little faggot ass needs to get back to work. You still have 18 more men to satisfy today. At this point my pussy is sore but I knew I couldn't tell mom no. So I put my ass in the air and my mouth open to satisfy the next two men. Well time to get back to being a whore.
  5. It was the winter after I turned 18 when, right before Christmas, I came down with the flu. I dreaded going to the doctor, but my Mom insisted, getting me an appointment on a late Friday afternoon. She was supposed to drive me there, but she telephoned, saying she couldn't get off of work. So somehow I drove myself. A little bit about me. I'm 5' 6" and weigh maybe 145 pounds. Blonde hair that's just about shoulder length. And hazel eyes. Being small older men loved me but none had fucked me yet because they didn't believe I was 18. So off I go to the doctor. I had scarcely walked through the door of the doctor's office when a wave of something hit me - leaving me feeling like shit. Even so there was paperwork to complete, so by the time the nurse came to lead me back to the examination room to get my vitals, the waiting room was empty. After the nurse had taken my blood pressure, temperature, and other routine tests, she remarked "The doctor will be with you shortly." Perhaps five minutes later HE walked in. Dr. William Bell. Six feet, seven inches and perfectly lean, salt and pepper hair. In his mid 50's. My type of man. I was hard instantly. Dr. Bell told the nurse she could go ahead, that he would lock-up, Dr. Bell and I chatted for several minutes until the nurse left and Dr. Bell asked me to undress to check for any abnormalities. I was slightly embarrassed because my cock was hard and I was leaking precum. Dr. Bell didn't pay any attention as his hands poked and prodded at my body. Dr. Bell then had me lay back on the bed and put my feet in the stirrups so he could check my prostrate. I thought that was kind of strange considering anybody could tell I had the flu. But he was a doctor so - well, whatever. I felt somewhat vulnerable given my ass was exposed, but at the same time I was still turned-on. Dr. Bell then startled me, asking if I had ever had anything in my ass. "No," I replied. He responded with a big smile as he murmurred "Just relax," inserting his index finger into my ass. I was so excited and nervous that I didn't notice Dr. Bell hadn't pulled-on a glove on to check my prostrate. As his finger entered my ass my load exploded. I was beyond embarrased, but to my surprise Dr. Bell didn't remove his finger, but rather inserted a second finger. He then scooped up my cum and fed it to me. Before long I was hard again and moaning like a bitch in heat. I noticed a couple of times what felt like him scratching inside my ass. It hurt slightly but the pleasure was far greater than the pain. After a few minutes Dr. Bell inserted a third finger in my ass really opening me up. After Dr. Bell had my ass where he wanted he lowered his pants. I nearly fainted at the size of his cock. It was a full nine inches long and as thick as a coke bottle. I also noticed a scorpion tattoo but I didn't know what it meant. He told me he was going to really destroy my immune system. Positioning himself at the foot of the bed, his cock aligned with my ass, and for better or worse before I could object to the prospects of that monster entering my ass, Dr. Bell shoved his cock all the way into my hole. I all but fainted from the pain. When I came to Dr. Bell was fucking my ass with a steady, powerful rhythm. It started feeling really good and I didn't think about asking about a condom, reasoning to myself "After all he is a doctor so what could happen?" My own cock was now hard again and I was on the edge of having another orgasm. After a few more minutes Dr. Bell really picked up the pace and was fucking me like a man possessed, so it wasn't surprising when Dr Bell let out a growl and unloaded what felt like a gallon of cum in my ass. This sent me over the edge and I exploded all over my chest. Kissing me hard, Dr Bell said "In two weeks I want to see you again." He also inserted a butt plug in my ass saying he said he would call me when it was time to remove it. Oh, by the way, Dr. Bell did indeed write me out a prescription to combat the flu. He also said "Welcome to the club," but didn't elaborate. Nearly two weeks have passed since I saw Dr. Bell, and I am still down with the flu. I can't wait to see Dr. Bell again and find out why.
  6. Note from Toon: One of my first reprimands on BZ was because I posted a bug-chasing story that contained some chem references. It was me not knowing the rules and it was also lazy writing. I didn't think the story through ahead of time, and added the "and then he drugged me" part just to get to the ending. I never forgot the original idea for the story and I hope I've matured enough as a member and as a storyteller to finally get it right. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION PART ONE 1999 - some city in the Midwest Hi. I'm Danny. I tried to go by 'Dan' for the longest time, but I guess I must just look like a Danny because nobody could ever call me anything else. Another thing about me is I'm gay. I used to blame Mr. Rogers because he was the one who said he liked me just how I was. So I always thought it was okay that I'd rather be a girl than a boy. I had two much older sisters and used to envy their lives. The clothes, the makeup, the way they laughed with their friends and the boys...THE BOYS! who showed up at our door every other night. They shared a room and I was never supposed to go in there, but I always did because I loved looking at all their perfect stuff. I once tried on a tiny little bit of their perfume and got nailed for it (I maybe put on more than a 'tiny' bit) I got in trouble so bad and also spanked -- just for being who I was. Mr Rogers would never ever spank me. So I stayed in the closet, trying to never want to be a girl ever again. I stayed very much pretending to be boy until my college years when I finally just admitted the gay part of me was real and wouldn't go away. Another thing about me is that I'm either dumb or just have dumb luck. Possibly both. I chose journalism as a major and entered the workforce just as every newspaper in the country had cut its staff to the bone. Cable news and the fucking internet was killing my opportunities. The big local paper didn't even have any openings in the mail room. I finally landed a crummy position as a copy & paste guy for one of the town's free alternative weeklies. You know the type -- lots of 'scene news', concerts, local bands and city hall corruption. Luckily it was liberal and anarchist in tone. The staff was a bunch of people not much older than me and at least four of them were openly gay. I adapted right away and got along with the editor/owner (Ed) really well. It didn't pay much but my parents and the one sister who still liked me helped me stay afloat those first few months. I lived in a very shitty apartment - but so did everybody I worked with. Except Ed. We brought in tons of ad revenue because it was free and everybody read it. We made a shit-load of money from the personal ads which catered to every sexual appetite. I remember having lunch with Ed once and we talked about everything. "I wish I was gay -- there are so many guys looking to hook up with no strings attached." Ed was an idiot sometimes. "It's not all that great. Be glad with the hand you were dealt. I was thinking of placing an ad myself, strings optional." "Don't. No offense, Danny, but you are so young and would be easy prey for all the weirdos out there. Why don't you and Lance meet up for a drink sometime?" "He lives in my building - that would be too weird. You know I'm a journalism grad, right?" "Look - I've tried to explain it to you already. You're too new here and don't know 'the scene' yet. You don't know the clubs, the local bands, the art galleries...all that." "What about features? I could pitch you some ideas, some spec pieces." "OK. Let's meet next week and you pitch me some ideas that will knock my socks off." "Deal." "Well, it's Friday. I guess you'll be leaving early - especially since it's Halloween. I'd be surprised if half the office is still there when we go back. You kids." He was right. I suppose they could all claim they were 'chasing a lead' or some shit like that. Lucky bastards. Thank God Lance was gone too. I didn't need Ed trying to initiate something between he and I. I was once alone with him and he asked if I dyed my hair and wore colored contacts. He said he asked because he'd never seen such a perfect Aryan specimen before. What do you say to that? 'Thank you'?? I got my blonde hair and blue eyes from my mom who is mostly Irish. Fuck him anyway. I stayed at work because I had no real big plans even though I'd always loved Halloween. My only weekend plans were to get stoned and listen to some new CD's. Same as old. The only person left by 5:00 was this friendly fat girl named Lana who claimed she was named after Lana Turner. I had to swallow my laughter but most other people couldn't. She was a notorious flirt and I couldn't be stuck with just her for another fifteen minutes. I took off. Ed was right. I hadn't really bothered to explore the city. I'd start now. Right now. There was this ratty little bar I passed on the way home every day. I'll stop. There might not be a story there, but there were surely some characters there. It would be a start. There was plenty of parking because it was so early. I got carded the second I got in the door. The doorman was at least nice about it. There'd soon come a time when I'd never be asked for I.D. again because we all age -- if we're lucky. "You're lucky, kiddo...at six we start charging a dollar cover to anybody not in a costume tonight. "I'm going as Tab Hunter." "What's that?" I laughed and handed him a dollar anyway. He might be a good source some day. You never know. I didn't even know what the name of this place was but there was a rainbow flag on the wall behind the bar. OK. My first gay bar. The bartender was a bald guy who smiled but looked at me like I was lost. "Happy Halloween. young man. Where's your costume?" I wasn't going to try the Tab Hunter joke again. "Not my thing. Where's yours?" "I'm going as Earl, a grumpy old bastard whose back and feet hurt like hell." "Well done. I'll take a Bud draw." It was well past happy hour before the crowd started getting larger. I'd nursed my beers slowly because there's no way I could afford a DUI. And then I saw the first one. The patrons here were mostly skinny, unwashed guys not much older than me. The one who sat next to me had a cotton pad and surgical tape wrapped around his inner arm. Drugs? Drugs weren't a new story. Maybe he was injured somehow. The wound dressing looked hospital fresh, very professional. "Were you hurt? What happened?" "Buy me a shot of jack and I'll tell you." I ordered one for him and one for me. What the hell, right? I'd never tried whiskey before. I downed it and turned the glass upside down - just like he did. "So what happened?" "Some guy paid me fifty bucks to cut me. It's his thing I guess. Hardly hurt at all." Oh, there was a story here. "What does he do with the blood? Or does he just get off cutting?" I'd never heard of such a thing. "Every piece of information is gonna cost you another shot." Well, there was an ATM on one end of the bar. It might be worth it. "Hold on - I'll be right back." I went to the bathroom as fast as I could and then took out 50 bucks from the machine. On my way back, I saw another grungy guy with another big bandage on his arm - in a different spot, closer to his wrist. I stumbled onto something. For sure. I sat next to the same guy and asked him if he knew the other wounded customer. He pointed to his empty glass. "Two more shots, Earl." "Yeah. I know him. You could say we work together. He goes to see the same freak I do, gives a little blood." "But you don't know why or what he does with the blood?" "Look, man. I really can't tell you much else. But you can suck my dick for twenty bucks. Check it out." He pulled out a greasy penis that I wouldn't touch with Rubbermaid gloves on ." WHAP! Earl slapped the dumb kid on the side of the head so loud it caught the whole bar's attention. "I've already warned you about that shit, Randy. Now get the hell out of here!!" The doorman was right there immediately to escort the dude away. Earl looked at me. "Sorry to disturb you, young man. I put up with a lot here, but hustlers get in my fuckin' nerves. This place is a little too close to the bus station. That's the problem." "I was asking him about the cut on his arm. Some freaky guy pays to cut him to bleed." "Yeah. I see 'em here all the time. Fucker probably uses the same knife to do it. Why do you care? You some kind of humanitarian or somethin'? A liberal" "I'm a reporter. He really wasn't good for too much information. Do you know anything about it." "I know some of it. If I tell you anything BUT, you can't ever use my name or the name of this pub." "What IS the name of this place? You don't even have a sign out front," "Well, it used to be called Ernie's Place, but Ernie passed on and left it to his son. He agreed to keep the place open but not with the same name because he's an Ernie Jr. and some kind of asshole, We ain't decided on a new name yet." "OK. For a really nice tip, tell me what you know about the guy who cuts these kids." Earl poured us some tall glasses that were half filled with jack and ice and then coke added on top. I left him a twenty. "Well, I hear a lot. I may wear a hearing aid, but it's an expensive one and I catch a lot more than these jerks think I do. This weirdo is some rich artist who lives in one one of those big expensive lofts they built not far from here. He prefers the blood of young, drugged up hustlers. I guess he doesn't suck their dicks or do anything sexual with them - just collects their blood...and then mixes it with paint for his fuckin' art!" "You're shittin' me." "No. Ain't this some kind of shit world Clinton left us?" "How can I find this artist?" "That I don't know. But I think Jerry knows. The bouncer. He's pretty busy right now, but he'll be able to tell you more when it slows down. This ain't exactly gonna be the hot spot on a night like this. We got a pool table and a couple of pinball games over there. They're all working tonight -- which is a big fuckin' miracle in my book." I got a few bucks worth of quarters and left him another five buck tip. I guess I could eat sandwiches from home for lunch all next month. I had honed my pinball skills in the college dorm I lived in for two years. Everybody else was getting laid and going to keg parties while I just played whatever game they had in the student lounge. I could basically make two bucks in quarters last all night if I had to, I was familiar with both games and was in the process of tallying up high scores when one of the bandage guys approached to ask if he could play me. "Sure." I'd already won a bunch of free games, so what the hell? He wasn't very good as I took stock of him. He looked a little unwashed, but not too bad. Almost cute. "You won. His name is Salvador. I can't tell you how to find him. That would be putting me in danger -- which I don't need any more of. Let's just say he's close to here." Just then Earl came by with a fresh pitcher of beer for me. "Don't waste your time, Greg -- he ain't buyin' and you sure as hell ain't sellin' in here. Move along." "I'm gone. Gotta get back to work anyway." "You do that." We watched him walk out the door. "Listen, kid... I know you're tryin' to be Brenda Starr or whatever, but nothin' good can come from talking to them types. It's starting to slow down a little. Come on back to the bar and wait for Jerry." I had like five bucks worth of free games left and it was only midnight. "Leave the games - I won't charge you for the beer. AND give you a shot of whatever." Well, OK then. It really had emptied out a lot. I guess this was another one of those 'starting-off bars' - you come here first for a cheap buzz and then move on to bigger and better clubs. That or they were locals just looking to drown their sorrows. Earl laid down a shot of something red. "It's a Hot Damn. Most popular shot we sell." It was like swallowing a mixture of Big Red gum and Draino. I tried my best not to make a face. "I think I've hit my limit, Earl. I haven't even eaten any dinner today." "It's OK. One more shot and you'll get your second wind, How far away do you live? Suburbs?" "It's only about five blocks from here, but my car..." "Jerry has a sticker he'll put on your windshield. I can even have Jose walk you home if you don't feel safe. Big Mexican kid who stocks the cooler and cleans up. He'll be here by 2. Here- have some pretzels." I dug into them with the gusto of a starving man. "You sure you don't know anything else about this guy who cuts up hustlers?" "Oh - I was gonna tell you one thing I overheard once. This freak lives in one of them lofts over on Grant. You know -- it used to be a factory or something but they made these giant apartments on each floor. Imagine paying over a thousand bucks each month to live in one big room?" "You don't know which one?" "No. But it's a good location to find all the hustlers around here. Here's my thinking -- you should just let this go. Anybody with money like that can probably have you killed." It was pretty weird alright. Maybe it wasn't worth it just to get a slightly better paying job at a free alternative paper. But still -- there was something about it that captivated me, possibly turned me on. Maybe all this time in the closet had warped me beyond repair. Somewhere Mr. Rogers was shaking head in disappointment. Was he even still alive? No idea. Jerry joined us. He was the typical ex-con-looking muscle dude you always see manning the door at dive bars. Tattoos, shaved head and various scars. "Hey Jerry - the kid here has been maybe over-served a little and his car is still in the lot. Can you go put the yellow sticker on it so he can leave it overnight?" "No problem." He was a friendly sort of thug. "But I need a drink. I'm parched." I bought us all pitchers of beer which Earl gave me a great discount on. "So - Earl tells me you might know something about that guy, that artist guy who pays hustlers to give blood." "Goddamn Earl! All I know he came in here once. I guess he was "shopping". He looked like pure evil, man. A tall dude dressed in black with an energy that was black as well. Not young, not old...hard to tell his exact age. He seemed sick to me...in every way. The thing I remember most is the neatly trimmed beard and mustache that looked like the devil himself . He left with some piece of trash and never came back. Why the hell are you so interested?" "I'm a reporter -- well, I'm trying to be one. My boss wants me to find a really good story. I think this might be it." It was pretty much just the three of us left. Some stragglers who had clearly partied all night would peek in, look around and stumble back away out into the night. "You two need to look prettier", Earl joked. "Fuckin' Hell -- Jose is here early. He knows I let him drink free before he starts work, but I guess he wants a little more...fat bastard. The door opened and in walked a large Hispanic male who was nearly as wide as he was tall. He kept his eyes to the floor as he walked toward us. Very shy. I recognized that mannerism in myself at times. Eye contact could be a problem for me too. He sat on the other empty stool next to me. A big silent lump. "Now we got us a party!" I was drunk. "C'mon guys - it's Halloween !" Earl looked at me and shook his head. "Why don't you go show Jerry where your car is and he can sticker it. Do it now before you forget what it looks like." Jerry helped me up and we went out the front door. I thought I was walking just fine but He kept one arm around my shoulders as we walked to the lot. Mine was an 88 Subaru, piece of shit that nobody would steal. I didn't know it at the time, but I'd parked right under a bright security light. It looked like last prize on the worst game show of all time. Jerry slapped a little round, neon yellow sticker on the driver's side window. "Hold on, Danny Boy. I got something for you. Don't look at it now.."He shoved it brazenly down into my right front pocket. "Some underage punk had gave it to me accidentally when I asked for id. It's the freak's business card. It's all gobbledy-gook, but you're a reporter. Don't try to figure it out tonight. Look - also promise me you won't go see him alone. Take somebody with you. Take me with you. I can kick anybody's ass. Promise me you won't go alone." "Yes." That wasn't really an answer, I guess. And then I kissed him. I just felt like it. "Whoa. I swing that way sometimes. but you're pretty out of it. Don't try making out with Jose when he walks you home." He laughed like I'd never consider it but I probably would. Earl was unplugging the games when we got back. It was barely even 1. I guess he wasn't expecting much business tonight. I was technically the only customer left. "Hey Earl! Three more Hot Damns!" "Already waiting for you and the guys along with the drinks you already ordered. But then you gotta scram. Deal?" "Yes." I went to the ATM one more time so I could pay and leave a really nice tip. I sat down in my spot between the two big guys and all was right with the world. I understood why people became alcoholics--because it's so much fun. "Jose was a real gentleman -- he wouldn't touch his free booze until you two got back." Earl gave a quick look at Jerry, wondering. I was freely talking about nonsense and they were all nice enough to listen. And then I got double vision and knew I needed to go home. You pay the price for fun. Earl looked at me. "Want me to call you a cab, kid?" I tried to focus. 'No, no -- that would just keep you here longer. It's only five blocks. I can do it." I put all the money I had left on the bar and stood up. Yeah - I could do this. I wasn't that far gone. "Go with him, Jose. Get him home and then get your fat ass back here. Fast." The night air was nice, just chilly enough to wake me up. Jose made me walk slow and kept a hand on my back. "Why do you let him talk to you like that, Jose? Call you names and shit?" I felt him shrug. "I'm fat. I've known that my whole life. I can't get too mad at somebody telling the truth." "It's rude. I think you're handsome." "Because you're polite -- a drunk, polite idiot. I heard about you trying to find that cutter guy. That's stupid." "Yeah. I just want to be a reporter, Maybe too much." "There are other stories in this shit town. I got two brothers in prison and one in the ground, Gang shit." "Man, I'm sorry." "I buried my anger and sadness with food. That's what I do." I had nothing to say -- so I just stopped and hugged him. He hugged back. We were standing next to a little park. There was a trash can with a fire in it. A cowardly little bit of Halloween vandalism. "Let's go in here for a minute." "You gotta hurl?" I just walked a little ways past the fire and Jose followed. He seemed concerned. I just held him again and gave him a huge kiss on his perfect lips. He liked it so much that he wrapped me in his arms and squeezed the life out of me. It was the kiss that never ended. Then he stopped and looked at me. The fire flames made him look like a movie star. He really was handsome under all that grief and blubber. I unzipped his jeans and took his fat, stubby little dick out. It was rock hard. I just got down on my knees and sucked it passionately. He kneaded the back of my head and humped my face. In less than a minute he shot a big load in my mouth. It didn't taste like anything. I guess the booze had killed my taste buds. I fell when I tried to stand back up. He caught me by the arm and helped me stand. "Wow. I wasn't expecting that, Dan." "Neither was I." He zipped himself up. "It's not just because you're drunk, is it?" I had to answer him honestly. "I might not have been so bold if I was sober, but I would have still wanted to. I've never done that. Ever. I had my first kiss already -- with Jerry. This was another first." "So when you wake up tomorrow, you won't regret this?" "I'm sure I'll regret drinking so much, but not this part." "Good. Because it was my first time too. I'd like to see you again. Think you'd ...that we could date maybe?" I took his hand. "Yes, Jose. I'd like that." I really meant it. He was still breathing heavily after his orgasm. "Can I have your number?" "I don't have a pen. Do you?" "No. Can you come back to the bar tomorrow -- around 11?" "Sure. I promise I'll just drink Cokes" We walked hand in hand all the way to my building. "Wait. You live here?" "Yeah." "My sister Mara lives here too! She's on the third floor." "I'm on the eighth, #801." "Cool. How 'bout I drop by and pick you up for a late lunch. Around 2?" "Perfect." I watched him walk away and missed him already. Once I got back inside my apartment, I raced to the bathroom and started puking before I could even lift the toilet seat. It was red and smelled like Hot Damn. And it just kept coming. I was so tired and yet there's no way I could make it out of this bathroom. After I was sure I had nothing left to get rid of, my stomach decided to just heave all the nothing. I'd never do this again. I finally just slept right there on the floor, shoes and all my clothes on. Never again. NEVER! I swore. I actually didn't feel all that terrible when I woke up -- just thirsty. I kept Gatorade on hand always, not because I exercised or anything. I just liked the taste. I knew it was good for hangovers because of a roommate I had in college who was a major party animal. I sat on my little kitchen stool and drank a full bottle. I thought of the previous night. Of Jose. Of the bandaged kids. Of the bar with no name. Jerry. Hot Damn. (shudder) Oh wait! That card in my jeans. I retrieved it and looked at it as I helped myself to another Gatorade. It was glossy black with red typography. It said "Larva Sod" which was an obvious anagram for 'Salvador' - but the phone number looked too weird, not local. I needed to eat something. I ate a dry bowl of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch and followed it up with a hot cup of instant coffee. I took a long shower and put on some boxers. I looked at the card again. Not a local number...except if you looked at it backwards. Then it started with this city's area code, followed by the same prefix as mine and then it became a local number. Pretty lazy and easy if he was trying to be all mysterious. I'd have more cereal and another cup of coffee. It wasn't even noon yet. November 1st. I dialed the number. A few rings later, a woman answered "Gallery. This is Valerie..." I swear it was Julie Andrews herself. "Yes. Hello. (I needed to sound like a rich guy) I'm an art collector and I'd like to see Salvador's work." "It's by appointment only and I'm afraid the earliest I can get you in Wednesday at 3 PM." "I see. That would work on my end. I'll Be there, Can I have the address please? Ring the buzzer at the door of 311 Westbury . It's in the old garment district. And your name? " "Daniel Sherwood." That sounded like a rich man's name, to me it did. "See you next week, Mr. Sherwood. Have a most pleasant day." CLICK I scribbled the address down on a post-it. OK. I would pitch the idea to ED as soon as he had a spare minute. I was excited, not scared at all. I'd go alone too. I'd just never mention it to the guys at Nameless Bar. Speaking of which -- there were still three hours to kill before Jose got here. Wait - did he say 1 or 2? I'd be ready by 1 just in case I got dressed and went to the grocery store. I'd use a credit card I kept for emergencies. I'd call home tomorrow and make up some reason I needed a little extra this month. I bought some basics along with two six-packs of Corona...it seemed like Jose would like it. We had our late lunch at Applebee's because that was his favorite place. He was a little sweaty and unkempt because he did yard work during the day. Leaf blowing, raking, mulching. He made a comment or two about how he couldn't believe I still remembered everything from last night and still wanted to be with him. "You didn't eat much, Dan. Are you nervous?" "Maybe. I've never been on a date before." "Me either. I'm a virgin -- but I want to have sex with you." "I want that too, Jose. Neither of us will know what's what, but we can figure it out together." We had sex. I'd never bothered to buy condoms or lube because I hadn't seen this day coming anytime soon. His size made it awkward and clumsy. It felt like one of those giant rubber bounce houses was on top of me. It only hurt a little and he came fast. It was not memorable sex, but I have to say that I'm glad it happened for both of us,My futon really got a workout -- I couldn't wait to get a bigger place and have an actual bed. He was breathing heavily. "Did you like it?" "Yes, Jose. It was perfect. Thank you." "Mind if I take a nap right here. And hold you? You could probably use some rest too." Oh yes. His cum was inside me and it made me feel complete somehow. I loved the heat from his body, his smell, his calloused feet on my leg. I drifted off, dreaming of blood. Not a nightmare. I went back to No Name Bar on Saturday. It was later than I'd meant to go. Jose kept me busy for hours. He loved blow jobs more than anything else. I found out I had a thing for armpits and sweat. It was all so new for both of us. "Well hello again, Danny Boy! You sure kept Jose out late this morning. You didn't? With that fat piece of shit? "Be nice to him -- he's gone through shit you can't imagine. No. Nothing happened. I just had to puke a couple of times. He waited." He looked taken aback. Hurt. I wish I'd never kissed him. "Sorry, man. It's pretty crowded tonight. There are three of them cut scumbags here already. Remember you promised not to go to that guy without me?" "Yeah. I couldn't make sense of the shit on that business card. The number doesn't work. Weird." Earl was tending bar again and almost in a good mood. I guess everybody's glad to see a good tipper. I'd walked here wearing a windbreaker. "Well -- you're looking better than I thought you would. Oh - and I know you and that fat piece of shit did something last night." "Stop calling him that. I mean it. All he did was wait while I puked my guts out in that little park,,,and again when I had to puke again three minutes later. " "Yeah -- I know that big smile he couldn't get off his face for an hour. Watching some kid vomit always cheers me right up." He gave me a rum and coke on the house. Making amends, I guess. "I'm sorry. I'll be nicer to him -- he's actually a decent guy." "Thanks. I like him a lot. Just give him a break with all the fat jokes." "I'm not one to judge. I'm 68 fuckin' years old and married to a woman with a face like a boot. I love her though." "Hopefully I can meet her some day." He smiled and nodded. "Jerry tells me there's some of those cut kids here again tonight. I'm not going to let this story go, Earl." "I knew that too. Well -- one of them is actually pretty normal. Never had no problems with him. Seems decent and pretty together. He's looking to play pool with somebody. Name's Benny. Short guy red hair. See him?" Yeah -- I suck at pool but give me two bucks in quarters." I walked right up to this guy who had to be around my age - maybe younger. "Benny? Hi. I'm Dan. You up for a game?" He gave off a good vibe. "Well yes! You're the reporter, right?" Goddamn Earl. "Hardly. I want to be one. But now I just do paste-up for 'Urban Rag'. I'm so intrigued by this Salvador guy. Let's play." I put in fifty cents into the slot thingy. "You rack 'em (I had no idea how to) and picked out a cue stick that looked straight. I chalked the tip like I even knew what that was supposed to do. "You break." What? I was so clueless when it came to this game. So I gave it a try -- and actually pocketed two striped balls with that first shot. I kept making lucky shot after lucky shot. Miracle! He ultimately beat me, but I hadn't embarrassed myself. "Good game." I hadn't said that since little league baseball when I was 10. Now THAT I really sucked at. "Let's take a break. I need to tell you something." "Sure. Let me go get us some drinks." "Nah. I'll just share your pitcher- if that's OK." "You sure? You won. I should buy you you a fresh drink." "NO. Just sit while I talk." He looked serious. "Let this go, Danny. If you're intrigued with Salvador already -- you''ll be a goner when you meet him. He casts a spell. He is a powerful presence." "Have you given him blood?" "Not anymore. I work the escort game now and pays just to fuck me. I have AIDS now. I can't prove it was him who gave it to me -- but I just know it was." "I have an appointment to view his gallery on Wednesday." "DON'T GO! I mean it. Chase another story. I'll let you interview me --I can talk about the sex trade. How I was molested by my stepfather when I was nine and for seven years after that when I poisoned him with antifreeze in his scotch." "Wow. I'm sorry, Benny. I may take you up on that. Let me write my number down and give it to you. Call anytime. I don't have a cell phone yet, but I'd like to talk with you." I made sure I had a pen and mini notebook in my back packet. I gave me my number and he gave his. Just then Jose walked in -- a full hour before he was supposed to. "Cool. I gotta go work now." He got up to leave and shook my hand. I wanted to hug him but Jose was glaring at me like I was already committing some kind of crime. Jealous. Shit! "My fella is here." Benny left. Jose walked over and seemed ready to explode -- "Having fun? Do you have something going with that motherfucker?" "No! It's not like that. He knows more about that freak artist who paints with blood. I was just working on a possible story. He's a hustler with HIV." "I told you to drop that shit! I swear -- I love you, but I'll kill you before I let you pursue this any further." He stuck out his chin. "Or I could have you killed. It's not like I don't know people." "Relax, Jose. I'd never do anything to mess up what we have." I acted insulted. Pouted. "Sorry. Kiss me now -- in front of everybody." I did. He worked a tongue into my mouth and there were some jeers and hoots from the crowd. It was so wonderful to have his massive body next to mine. He calmed down. Pacified. "Don't get crazy on me, Jose." "I'm sorry. I just...I can't lose the one good thing in my life. The best thing. I'm Latin -- you gotta understand we are passionate." "Gotcha. Let's go sit at the bar. Give Earl a hard time.." When we got there, Earl was smiling and shaking his head. "I knew it. It's not even 10:30 and Jose is already here. You guys hooked up. That sure as fuck came out of left field!" "Get me a Bud and refill his pitcher. NO Hot Damns." "Fine. If you guys are going to do anything tonight, make sure This...make sure Jose is back by 2." He kept shaking his head. "I just don't get it." We drank fast - and got the hell out of there. I left Earl a ten dollar bill and practically drug Jose out the door. I would always love holding his big, chubby hand. I tried to peel off the sticker from my window but only got about half of it off. Fuck it. We got in and peeled out. "Wait. Stop here. Pull into this drive." It was the park again. "You sure? We're almost back to my place." "This is our spot. Will you suck me again?" Well, duh. Of course I would. He had already pulled it out - that fat little mushroom was as perfect as I remember. He was hard and oozing already. I dove for it and we repeated the scene from less than 24 hours ago. Only this time he was more urgent and I actually tasted the semen this time. Salty and organic. And a little sweet. Perfect in a way I could never really explain with words. He was breathing so heavily again. "Let's go chill at my place for awhile. We can watch TV and drink some Coronas. Sound good?" "Sounds wonderful, Dan." We walked in and he made himself right at home. My poor futon creaked under his weight. It wouldn't last much longer if we stayed together. Fuck it -- maybe I'd suggest having sex on the floor. I was about to turn on the TV when Jose interrupted me... "No. Play some of your music for me. I can a learn a lot about you from hearing your stuff." I fetched us two beers while thinking long and hard about what I'd play. He'd already taken off his shoes when I returned. I liked that he felt comfortable enough to do that. "I'll play you the first CD I ever bought. This chick from Sound Warehouse just sensed I'd dig it. The group is called Frazier Chorus -- it's the only one they ever released -- as far I know. It'd called 'Cloud Eight'. I used to listen to this after getting completely baked with the headphones on." "It's perfect. How old were you?" "22... Why?" "I love this music. I brought the weed this time. There's hash oil in it...so we'll take it slow." He pulled out a little baggie of weed and I loaded the bowl of my bong. And we smoked and kissed. The music sounded better and better. I was rubbing his socked feet and then we were kissing again. I could feel his heart beat against mine. We were in synch. Yep -- this was love. I mean, it had to be love, right? I just couldn't get enough of his body heat. "I want you to fuck me this time." Well - it was worth a shot. I was not exactly hung, but my dick was bigger than his. I grabbed this Vaseline moisturizing lotion I'd put on sunburns before. I always burned with the least little bit of Summer sun. Jose had already positioned himself on the floor. "I figured it would be easier this way." He'd stripped down to just his socks and so did I. His ass was huge. My first move was to get down behind him, pull apart those giant cheeks and plant my tongue in his pink hole. It smelled and tasted like a pond down there...but I was into it, as was he. He kept arching his back and moaned as I let my tongue wander as far as it could go stretch. I stopped liking it after a few minutes and rubbed lotion on my boner and a generous amount on his hole. It was as hot as a blast furnace inside of him. "Go slow, Dan." Oh, I would....mainly because I had no idea what I was doing. It felt good in there, even though he made a few grunts of pain. I went easier and slower. He said something in Spanish between gasps. I guess he was liking it. I was enjoying it to, but so many things told me if I came in him, we'd have completed a connection that could never really sever it. He came right there on my carpet -- and I just pretended to. We pulled apart and just lie together and breathed heavily with smiles on our faces. "Well, I guess we've popped each other's cherries." He seemed deliriously happy about that. "Yeah." Neither of us could know had no how badly I'd betray him within the next seven days. PART TWO On Monday morning. I cornered Ed and told him I wanted to meet with him sometime that day. He agreed we'd have a lunch meeting because his day was mostly packed. "I'll order us a couple of subs from that place across the street," I'd written everything I had down on a legal pad. He wanted his socks knocked off? We'd see. We sat in his office and ate our sandwiches, talked a little football until I pulled out my legal pad. "Oh boy -- here it comes. Don't tell me you tracked down some stories over the weekend." "I did. Three different stories, and I'll save the best for last." He finished the rest of his Italian sub in two bites. "OK. Shoot." "First - there's a gay bar in down that was named after the owner, but he died and left it to his son who was a Junior and doesn't want his name on the place. He's greedy enough to scrape whatever profits even those he's some kind of uptight Christian. So it's currently unnamed. Maybe we could have a contest or something. I mean, that could be fun." He didn't seem that impressed. "Maybe if it was a strip club, it could go somewhere. We'll sit on that one for awhile." "It attracts a lot of young gay hustlers. I could do a piece on their lives - get a look inside the sex trade." "Hmmm. We've done something about that before - but that was back when crack was the worst drug out there. Now there's so many different drugs, worse drugs. Let me think on that one for a bit. Would you be willing to go undercover as a hustler?" "Maybe. That sounds like it could be dangerous though." "Yeah -- but it's something to consider. Some day." "OK. This next idea is for a human interest piece. I met a guy, Hispanic guy who's lost two brothers to the prison system because of gang activity -- and another one was killed. Anyway, this guy is morbidly obese because he consumes food before grief can consume him," "Yeah! Now that's good! Do you think we could get him to agree to be photographed?" "Probably. I can ask him." "Even if it's just a shot from the back standing at his brother's grave. How fat is he?" "About your height, at least 330 pounds, maybe more." "Is he a friend you just met?" "Yeah -- so much of what I found is connected to my neighborhood. I just stopped at the bar with no name and the stories found me." "See? I told you to just get out and explore the city." "One more -- there's an artist on town who paints with blood. Human blood that's not his own. He pays street hustlers, homeless kids to 'donate'. I've talked to a few of them bit they're too scared to give me too many details. BUT - I got hold of one his business cards that I had to decode because he's just so, so mysterious, I guess. Anyway - I've got a 3 PM appointment to see his gallery on Wednesday. I'll need that afternoon off." "YES! THAT'S IT! Hell, Danny -- take the whole day off - with pay - turn something good in and I'll put you on the writing staff immediately." I beamed. "Think you can get some photos?" "Not right away. I'm posing as a rich trust fund kid who collects art." Ed suddenly looked doubtful. "Do you have the wardrobe to pull that off?" "I've got the clothes I wore to my graduation -- they might not be stylish now. No idea." "Here's a company credit card. Take Lance with you and go pick some stuff a rich kid would wear. This is too good a lead for you to blow it by wearing cheap clothes. I'll give you both the afternoon off. Let me talk to him first. Keep all receipts." Wow. I sorta all the sudden had a expense account. Things were looking up. Well Lance and I drove over to Damien's in the suburbs. "Thing is -- you have to wear these clothes casually because you live a life of leisure. If you're wearing two hundred leather loafers and just act as if you were wearing flip-flops from Wal-Mart. Everything should be loose and look expensive. You need to act like you don't care." 200 dollar shoes? "Think I can pull this off?" "You look the part. You're handsome and speak very well. I won't ask why you're posing because Ed told me not to pry. Hold your nose up a little and try to look down on whoever you're talking to." There's a type who sees dollar signs when they see that. " We racked up almost 900 dollars worth of stuff -- including some hair products and ridiculously expensive cologne. I had begun to feel rich as I carried the shopping bags out to the parking lot. "Well, Lance -- we've got the rest of the day off. Want to grab a drink somewhere?" "Sure. Where?" "You'll like it. It's the bar with no name and it's where I found some great characters -- including a boyfriend." "Wow. Let's go. I haven't been laid in two weeks."Two Weeks? Try 22 years. "Wait -- this place? It's a pit. Don't hustlers and drug addicts come here? No thanks." "What do you want, Lance? A fancy martini or some interesting local people?" He had to admit I had him there. It was business as usual when we walked in. A few old regulars and dirty street kids. No Jerry, but Earl was tending bar. God, did he ever go home? "Well...what have we here? You move on from Jose already?" He was smirking. "Earl - this is Lance. We work together. He's a real reporter." "So I could call Jose and tell him you're here?" "Sure. Go ahead. I want Lance to meet him anyway." Earl arched an eyebrow and made us our drinks. Lance leaned closer -- whispered, "A Mexican? Is he part of the story?" "Not really. We're dating. Earl doesn't know me that well yet, He hardly trusts anybody." There were hustlers here, but none of them were wearing bandages. They left us alone. "So you're into Latins? Is that why you never asked me out?" "What? No. We work together and live in the same building -- that could be a disaster," "Yeah. Maybe. I tend to just go for it and not worry about consequences." "That's kind of my attitude going into this story." "I'm intrigued." "Found the seeds of it right here." Earl came over and asked if we needed a refill. "And hey, Mr. Reporter -- I got a fake shoulder courtesy of North Vietnam. Hold on -- I just two of them punks go into the women's room together." That was against the rules...big time. Lance was plum amazed. "You were right about this place, Danny." "Told ya." "But we should really get back and get those clothes out of the bags so they won't smell so new," "Good idea. Should I hang them up or leave them just laying around like I don't care?" "Wear them to bed tonight, sleep in them and then take them off in the morning and hang them up. Do you smoke?" "Just a little weed sometimes." "Really? Can I come smoke some with you?" "Sure." I wasn't the least bit attracted to him and, plus, I think I was in love with my big ol' Jose. I was pretty sure. Almost 100% sure. We got back to my place and he admired what I had done with the tiny studio apartment. He probably had a bigger layout than this. I'd upgrade if I got the reporter job. I put in a tape I'd recorded the movie Blue Velvet on. I loved watching David Lynch films when I was stoned. "Go put on the new duds on -- including the socks and shoes. I promise I won't peek." I went to the bathroom and put everything on. The shoes were a little uncomfortable. I'd told him I was somewhere in the 10 to 11 range. Should have gotten the 11's. When I returned, Lance had to marvel at his own great taste. He was smoking a cigarette. "Got an ashtray?" "Hold on..." I went to the kitchen and fished out an empty Coke can from the trash. "This will have to do." "So ghetto - love it!" We smoked a bowl or two as we watched this fucked -up movie. He seemed to be moving too close and I just didn't trust my capacity for lust anymore. "You're pretty cool, Lance. But I'm seeing somebody. "Yeah - I know. I just get super horny when I'm baked. It's cool." "Thanks for helping me out today." He left me about five of his cigarettes. "All rich kids smoke." Made sense. And then he was gone. I sat there and smoked one of them and watched the rest of the movie. I heard a rustle outside my door. When I opened it, there was Jose taping a note to my door. "Oh. You're home! And look at those clothes!Wow." "Yeah. I had a job interview today." I hated having to lie to this totally honest man, but it wouldn't be the last time.. "Cool. I was babysitting for Mara while she ran errands and I...here." Hr handed me the note. It was a crudely-drawn heart with 'Jose and Dan Forever' written inside. I'd keep that forever. "Have you been smoking in here?" "Yeah -- it's a habit I picked back up again recently." He pulled out a pack of Merits out of his pocket. "I smoke too, but never wanted you to know." That was sweet, I guess. God, his poor heart. I needed to worry about that. "I just don't have an ashtray yet. I've been using this can." He lit one of his smokes me. "You look so nice. Can we go out somewhere so I can show you off? I want Mama to meet you. And you can see my room." "Sounds good." "Let's go! Let's take my truck. I've got a lawnmower in the back and - no offense - but this ain't a great neighborhood." "Yeah. I know." We got into his old, dented white truck. He immediately lit another cigarette and offered me one. "You're gonna love my Mama -- and I know she'll love you. She knows I'm gay, but we never talk about it. Nervous?" "About meeting your mom? A little." "It will be so fine -- don't worry. She hated that I was alone." "Why do you have a lawnmower? It's November." "It chops up the dead leaves and helps fertilize the grass." Ah. I guess that made total sense. We arrived at his fairly normal two-story house. Two little twin girls greeted us at the door, They hugged his legs and then looked me up and down. They were so cute. "Mia, Josephine -- this is Dan. He's a friend." They hugged me too. So this is what is like to have a family you loved. "Miguel is probably down in my room playing Sega. He's a pill." His mom was in the kitchen cooking something that smelled wonderful. "Mama -- I want you to meet someone." She turned around and regarded me with half-closed eyelids. "It's a pleasure to meet you. You're just as beautiful as Jose said you were." She smiled widely and gave me a huge embrace. "So handsome! You must eat supper with us. I need another grownup to talk to. Jose is always in his room and the kids are always fighting. Thank God I'm going through the change -- no more babies!" "I was the baby of my family. Probably an accident." "No, no. Just a surprise." I loved this family already. "Now go - I have to finish in here. I'll call you when the food is ready." We went down to Jose's room in the basement. It was pretty nice. There was a preteen boy - 11 or 12, playing the hell out of some video game. "Miguel. Pause that shit and meet my friend." Another beautiful kid. He was miffed and turned around to say a quick hello. "Is it your boyfriend???" "Go do your homework, cabrone." He left angrily and then it was just Jose and I. We embraced and I inhaled his musky, sweaty man smell. I was getting addicted to it. I wanted to get him naked again. "Mama won't be done cooking for another hour. Want to fool around a little?" "Fuck yes!" "Okay - but I want to tell you something -- I'd rather fuck you than the other way around. That alright?" "Absolutely. You're good at it." We got naked and he fucked me like a mad man. I loved the idea of his seed inside of me. It felt right. He glistened with sweat and panted, "I love your ass, Dan. It feels so good in there." "You have a talented dick, Jose." "We better get dressed now, Supper will be ready soon, Hungry?" "Not really - but it smells so good." "Eat as much as you can, please. Mama takes great pride in her cooking. She really likes you." Dinner (what I called the evening meal) was delicious. I ate as much as I could, but not nearly as much as Jose did. "That was great, Miss Martinez. I need to walk some of some of this off." "Yes, yes. You boys go have fun. I'll get the girls to help me clean up." We went back down to Jose's room. I thought we were going to have round two, but he was changing clothes. "I want to go show you off in those clothes some more. My aunt owns a cantina here in town, not far. It's not gay but somebody in my family is always there." I met his aunt and two of his cousins and we had some tequilas. Every single relative of his was beautiful. Jose wanted to go to no name bar. He could drink for free and kiss there. Well -- second time in one day. What the hell? Sure. I doubted very much that these clothes would smell new by Wednesday. Shit. I needed to be careful not to say a single word about any of that. Jerry was at the door and was still being cold towards me, towards us. It wasn't that busy. Earl was nice enough not to mention seeing me already once already today. "Look at you dressed all fancy. Jose here can drink for free, but you I gotta charge you." "No problem." "I'll pay if he has to," Jose offered. "Goddamn it, kids. I'll charge you both half price." I'd really liked the tequila we'd had already. I ordered two with beer chasers. "Uh oh. Don't tell me you like tequila now?! Be careful. My dad liked it too much and I think it's why Mama eventually kicked him out of the house. I haven't seen him in ten years." "Don't worry, Babe. I'm too invested in my career -- and you -- to waste my life away." "Oh look. One of those victims of the cutter is here. I'm so glad you're letting that go. I was worried." Man, I sucked. I was already withholding information stuff from him. Big stuff. We moved to a little table because Earl tended not like to see public affection right there at the bar. We kissed openly. I only regret the hateful glare we were getting from Jerry. "Let's go, Jose. It's been a long day and I have work in the morning." "Aww. Really? One more drink and a cigarette. Please?" "OK." I really had to give him that much after lying to his face. I really liked smoking. I hoped it wasn't going to become a habit. Too expensive. We got back to my place and I gave him a quick blow job. I couldn't get enough of his pure, all-natural life milk. I told him as much. Tomorrow would be a Tuesday...and then Wednesday PART THREE I kind of don't remember much about Tuesday. I'd always kind of thought of Wednesday as an unlucky day -- mainly because I always had to think twice about how to spell it. Lance and I went out for smoke breaks on the rusty fire escape. "Did you sleep with the clothes on last night?" "Nope. Didn't have to. I went to two bars and put them in a pile while I had sex. I hung them up and they look just perfectly abused now." "Tell me about your guy." "He's the sweetest man on Earth. Genuine. But he's...heavy." "Like 'fat'?" "Yeah. Very much so, but I don't use that word." That's pretty all that was noteworthy about my Tuesday. Oh, I talked with Jose on the phone and he sort of invited himself over. He fucked me, sweat all over me and left. OK. I had the next 17 hours to kill before my appointment tomorrow. I decided to smoke a lot of weed and listen to Depeche Mode with the headphones on. I really couldn't believe the bad review 'Rolling Stone' gave this CD. Violator was genius. It meshed with a good buzz so perfectly. I drifted off somewhere around four in the morning. I woke up around 10 am. Shit. Why couldn't I have woken up with only an hour left to get ready. I showered and used all the beauty products Lance had suggested. My hair looked ridiculously good. I got dressed in the new-ish clothes. I couldn't pace any more. I decided to leave the apartment at noon. I drove by the address. I shuddered for whatever reason. I needed to calm down. I saw a sports bar called 'Innings' (or something like that). I parked on the street. They'd have bar food and tons of TVs. I could kill a couple of hours here. Lance had warned me not to show up too early. "Rich dudes are always late and drunk by mid-afternoon. They don't have jobs." Done and done. I ate a plate of loaded nachos and watched the one TV that wasn't playing ESPN. Some game show. I would kick so much ass on one of these shows. No brag, but I would. Their tequila was a better brand than any I've tasted so far. the dudes here were all talking about the upcoming Sunday football games as I ate and got a little drunk...just a little. The food made me feel better. I still had an hour left. I joined the guys at the bar. You never knew where you'd find a story. I ordered another tequila and pretended to be straight. Every single person there was smoking. I lit one from the pack Jose left behind the night before. I didn't belong here, but I still had an hour to kill. The bartender turned his attention to me "You gotta college team, kid? "Nebraska". Groans from the other guys. I just knew it was a college with a good team. "Best keep that under your hat. What can I get ya?" "Tequila. House brand." The conversations here were boring as hell. What the fuck was "fantasy football"? They were really into arguing about their "leagues". No stories here...just boring straight man shit. I used to have teen crushes on those jock types in high school, but it was never enough to get me interested in sports. It was Wednesday but they were all watching highlights from Monday Night's game - like it even mattered. "You're new here. What do you do?" "I'm a reporter for the alternative weekly." "That free one? With all the gay shit in it?" "It's mostly about the local music scene. I cover actual news stories." "Oh yeah? There was a dead hooker found a few blocks from here. Strangled with the very necklace she was wearing -- or else it cut her throat, something like that. Paper never covered it." "Does that happen a lot around here?" He shrugged. "If it was the work of a serial killer -- then I would cover it." "Yeah -- I see." Less than 40 minutes to go. I must be developing a higher tolerance for alcohol because I only felt slightly buzzed. I tried not to think about how important this appointment could be to my future. I had to be cool. "One more tequila, and a pitcher of Miller Lite." "Comin' up." I couldn't stop fiddling around with the gold bracelet Lance had lent me to wear. I was not a jewelry person. "Thanks, man. Nice place you got here." "You think? It does OK." I had one of my mini notebooks and a palm-sized pen in my front pocket. I really should buy one of those tiny tape recorders. I'd put that on my Christmas list. Also a cell phone. I just hated the idea of always being available. 24/7. Jose had one because of his landscaping work. I was finally getting slightly drunk and decided it was close enough to 3 to leave. One more cigarette and a trip to the bathroom and I'd be good to go. I peed and stood in front of the mirror and took a look at my pretend self. The clothes looked just unkempt enough, but my hair was not messy enough. I put a palm full of water through it. OK. Better. I looked as close to a rich kid as I ever would. The shoes were finally stretching out a little. I walked out and let the chilly Autumn air wake me up and put some color in my cheeks. And there I was. Not Dan or Danny -- Daniel was here. I pressed the buzzer and waited. "Yes?" It was Julie Andrews again. "Daniel Sherwood. I have an appointment." "Yes. I see. Come on up to the fifth floor. I'll be waiting." The door clicked. I was in. The elevator was an old, iffy freight lift that was very David Lynch. The whole building was. I practiced my bored look as I made sure my fly was closed. "Mr. Sherwood?" There she was. She didn't look anything like Julie Andrews. She was dressed like a spinster librarian with glasses and a bun in her white hair. She also didn't seem the least bit pleasant. I could give that attitude right back to her. She unlocked a door and let me in to the gallery space. Impressive. "Of course there's no photography allowed." There were no prices on anything - because rich people just bought whatever they wanted without caring about trivial things like cost. "At this end, we still have a few of Salvador's earliest pieces." They were distinctively rust-colored, an ominous brown that I guess blood dries into. "Most of those were done before he started mixing blood with oil paints. As we move to the right, you'll see the colors get richer and more defined." "Yes. I see that." I tried to look bored - even though the man obviously had talent. Every single canvas was done in shades of red. "Just early this year, he began to get more abstract. weird red you'd never see in a Sherwin Williams store. 'Hustler blood' was all I could think. "I like this much more, but I believe I'd like something done with my own blood. Something personal. Does he do commissions?" "They may be arranged, if his schedule can be freed up. I'll have to talk to him first." "I see. It's for a gift." Her portable phone rang. "One moment please. Feel free to look around." She answered it with her Julie Andrews voice. "Gallery. This is Valerie. Yes, Mrs. Mallory... oh. Oh! Well...yes, yes. I understand. Of course. I'm not sure." She moved back out into the hall. It was about then that I heard the music. Loud metal music. I followed it to another door at the far left end of the loft. I wondered if Salvador was actually in there, working. I chanced it. It was another huge room that had a plastic tarp on the floor and many opened tubes of paint. The music was godawful shit that I thought Nirvana had killed off already. Salvador was wearing a painter's smock. And nothing else. I could see his bare ass. He didn't see me, but moved to turn the music off. "Ah - the art collector is here." "I'm sorry to disturb you." He turned to face me. He was astonishingly handsome. Jet black hair and a neat little mustache and goatee that Lucifer himself only wishes he could have. "You aren't a patron of the arts and you're not wealthy. You fooled Valerie, though. That's not easy to do. You were just drawn here, drawn to me." "No...I..I mean, I just...." Damn. I was busted. "Look -- I'm a wanna-be reporter and I'd like to do a story about you." "Want it bad enough to give me some blood?" Oh fuck no! "Well..." "I bet you have that ice cold Northern European blood - which is not easy to find around here." "OK. I'll do it. Now?" "No. Can you come back later tonight? Around 10?" Valerie burst in. "Mr. Sherwood! This is not allowed! I'm so sorry, Salvador!" "Go mind those receipts, Valerie. We're discussing business." She harrumphed and left abruptly. "But first...mind if I make one small cut? Just to see the color, maybe have a taste." "Uh..." This better get me a better job somehow. "OK." "I'll let you photograph me --even if it's just a silhouette. I have a fantastic camera. We'll talk more tonight." "OK, But not too deep -- and somewhere I can hide it." "How about a little nick on the cheek? You can say you sneezed while you were shaving. That OK?" No. "I guess. As long as you use a fresh blade. And only make a little cut." "I use Exacto blades -- you can watch me put in a new blade. Smart. I like that." I watched him take a fresh blade from a little plastic box and he replaced the old one with it. Was I actually going to let him do this? "Just a small cut, OK?" "Absolutely. Mr. Sherwood." And then he made a quick little jab on my cheek and I barely felt it. He collected the drips in a small glass vial. There are a lot of little blood vessels on the face and the little tiny cut bled a lot and wasn't clotting anytime fast. "Beautiful! It's so pure." He then leaned down and licked the fresh wound on my face, I'd never agreed to that! Fuck! "Mm... you've smoked some weed recently and drank alcohol very recently. You don't use drugs -- not a virgin. " Was this guy a vampire or something? "You can taste all that??" "Oh yes. My sense of smell, taste and vision are very refined." "OK. Do you, um, have a band-aid you let me put on." He fetched one and I hoped no blood had gotten on my shirt. "See you at 10 tonight. Valerie won't be here. It'll be just us." I left and walked back to where my car was parked. As much as I wanted to stop at No Name, I couldn't. I was wearing the same clothes as I was on Monday. Plus -- even though the shaving accident excuse would probably fly, I'd met my quota of lies for the past couple of days. I knew I'd have to probably find a way to avoid Jose. We were having sex almost every night before his shift. Another lie would have to happen. There were messages on my machine but I just wanted to take a nap. I took off the shoes and lied down on the futon. I didn't wake up until it was almost 8 PM. Phone. "Hello?" "Hey! I been trying to reach you all day. What's up?" "I'm sick -- stayed home in bed today." I actually did feel a little unwell right then. "Oh no! What's wrong?" "Sore throat, coughing...no fever. It's just a bad cold." "Oh man. It's about that time of year I guess. Can I bring you anything?" "No. I hope you don't get it too." "OK. Call me tomorrow. Just rest and drink some fluids. Good night, Dan. I love you." "Me too, Bye." While I was on a roll, I'd call Ed. "Hey! I left you a message. I was worried. How did it go?" "Well...I'm part of the story now." He audibly gasped. "He'll give me an interview if I agree to give him some of blood. It's later tonight. I can also score photos that he wants final approval of." "Holy SHIT, Danny! Are you sure about this? Will you be safe? I mean - look, if you want to drop this now, I'll let you do the fat guy story." "Yeah -- I'm part of that story too." "Oh man ...Danny...I mean...." "Look, it's fine. I'll be OK. But I may be in late tomorrow." "Take the day off. Get rest, scribble some stuff down and try not get too personally involved with your work. You're just like I was back in the day --and it nearly killed me." I hung up. And wanted to shower and get ready. I could just dress as myself this time. There was no need to pretend for Salvador's sake. I was ready. I sat in front of the TV and opened the bottle of Mexican wine Jose had bought over the other night. I knew nothing about wine, but it wasn't bad. I'd chilled it even though I didn't know if I was supposed to. Some of them were supposed to be warm I suppose. I had fresh mini notebook in my pocket. I smoked two cigarettes and checked myself in the bathroom mirror. The bleeding had stopped on my cheek and was barely noticeable. I could always let some designer stubble grow in. I'd look like the other trendy dudes in the office. I needed to go. Even though I still had 45 minutes to go. No Fear. PART FOUR I was early again. I'd parked at that same random sports bar to have a few drinks. I'd put this on the company account. Small crowd again, but different bartender. Same insanely boring hetero talk. this new barkeep carded me. Asked me if I had a college team too. "M.U. for football, K.U. for basketball." (I went to Creighton and had no idea where they were in the standings -- or if they even had sports teams) "No way - you can't have the best of both worlds -- pick a state, kid!" Fuck him. I ordered some double shots of Captain Morgan rum and handed him the card. "Want to run a tab?" "Yeah. What time is it?" "8:50. Got a hot date later?" Sorta "No. Not exactly." I wanted a really healthy buzz by 10 -- and I needed to calm down. I know one thing: I was not going to let him lick the cut he made on me. That had to be somewhat unsafe -- the human mouth was full of bad-ass bacteria. I'd brought a little box of my own razor blades from home. I only ever shaved with a traditional razor. Those electric shavers just didn't do a good enough job. I kept getting them for Christmas from different family members, but always re-gifted them eventually. "Damn, Kid! You some kind of camel or something? You're supposed to sip rum, not down it like beer." Fuck him twice. He had no idea what lie ahead for me. I got out my little notebook and looked at all the questions I'd thought to ask. I'd done some internet research and discovered Salvador wasn't the only artist who painted with blood. There were more than a few, but he was the only one I'd found who used other people's blood - and the only one who mixed it with regular oil paint (that I could find). I underlined a few key words and added some thoughts. I had to get this right. The bartender handed me a tall glass this time. It was a rum and coke, with a 'heavy pour'. "It's almost 9:30....what's that? Your diary?" "No. I just take notes all the time. I'm a reporter." That still wasn't exactly true. But after tonight.... I just hated how easily I could lie these days. I remember ,as a kid, thinking only kids lied. Adults just wouldn't, couldn't tell a fib. Kids are dumb. I was numb but had work to do -- I'd get there early. So what? I was no longer 'Mr. Daniel Sherwood". Just Danny. Punk. asshole, wanna-be reporter. I buzzed the door. Silence. Then I heard a harried voice answer... "Daniel? You're a little early and I've got somebody here. Can you..? Oh never mind -- come on up. I'll leave the door unlocked." It buzzed. Maybe he had another 'donor' up there. This was usually about the time I'd started seeing them filter into No Name. Why was I jealous? Simple - I was very much attracted to this demonic vampire freak. Not in love. Just ... just something else. I went inside the gallery space and saw Salvador and some grungy kid sitting together,forehead to forehead. The hustler kid was bawling his eyes out and Salvador was saying quiet, comforting words to him and gently putting some gentle pressure on his bandaged forearm. "Sh, Sh. You need to go home and relax.Don't smoke any more T tonight and stay off the street. They'll all be waiting for you tomorrow. Take those iron pills I gave you and maybe some B-12." The scummy kid was still crying, but tried to compose himself. I'd never seen such a tough-looking dude show so much vulnerability. I pretended to be interested on one of the paintings. You can pretty much hear everything in one of these big spacious lofts. Had the hustler freaked? About the cut? Or was it the drugs he had probably taken? I had no idea what 'T' was. It could be smoked was all I knew so far. I needed to ask Salvador. I needed to know so much. The guy left. We were alone at last. I felt my dick harden. "Lose your shoes and socks -- we're going back to the studio and there's paint on the floor. If you step in anything, you'll know it right away...and you won't track it back out here. Old painter's secret." I was a little embarrassed about my feet. I needed to take better care of them. His bare feet were extra long and looked very groomed. "Actually -- get completely naked and I'll give you the gifts I got for you." Oh no. Get naked in front of this guy?? I wasn't ashamed of my body. I was lean and had a fairly nice penis -- that I wish wasn't so erect. 'Gifts'. I'd eventually get one more than I bargained for, and only know about it a few weeks later. "Does this excite you a little?" Don't be embarrassed. Let's go on back to the studio. I just left my clothes and shoes there on the floor. Was I supposed to bring them? The cold air was going to kill my boner for sure. The work area was covered with a new plastic tarp with paint spills everywhere..,god, I hoped it was paint and not blood. "Here" he held out a paint-spattered flannel shirt. "You look a little cold. And then we'll get started. I'm guessing you don't want the cut on your arm. I can do it on your upper thigh -- it'll be easy enough to conceal under your boxers." "What about the interview?" "After. I have some surprises for you after we cut." Well...It's not like I had a lot of options here. "Oh. Should I stand?" Was this all really happening? "Yes! Blood flows downward, thanks to gravity. I won't need to cut so deeply. I'll have to be careful -- your femoral artery is down in that area. Now I'm really wanting to use some arterial blood eventually because it's more bluish. But I can't take that risk. Not with you. Do you have a lover, Danny?" "Yes. He doesn't know anything about this. We're still new to each other. My first boyfriend." "Spanish?" "Yeah -- how did you..." Forget it -- he was some kind of weird psychic freak. "Try to stand still. I have to be careful in this area." Shit. I'd left my fancy new razor blades in my jeans pocket. "Do you have more clean exacto blades?" "I still have the one I used on you earlier. All washed and everything. Still sharp as hell. I even accidentally cut my thumb with it as I dried it off. Why wasn't I smart enough to ask if he'd washed it again? With alcohol? I didn't think of too many other things except -- maybe I should get the hell out of here. "OK." My boner was rising again. I loved that was kneeling down with a knife in his hand. I stayed as still as I could. This cut hurt more than the one he made on my cheek. He went deeper. and I felt the warm blood start flowing down my cold bare leg. "Uh oh. That maybe went too deep. Stay put." He collected several glass vials of the gushing blood and of course put his mouth on the cut and sucked dome up. I was still wasn't OK with that. "Saliva is a natural coagulant. This won't last. I didn't hit the artery. This is why I usually use the guys' arms and wrists." "Wow. Did I just lose too much blood? I'm dizzy." "No - less than a pint. Or about just about a pint. I'll get you some juice and cookies in a second. Hold this cloth over the cut and put some pressure on it. Let me go get you some of your gifts, He came back with two boxes, his fancy camera and two folders. "I have my own darkroom and took some pictures of the gallery, the studio and myself -- partially shadowed and distorted in an antique mirror. That old glass that warps everything. These are for your story. The other photos are for you -- and just you, Not for publication. I put the appropriate negatives. in the photos folder that can be published. I'm keeping the other negatives. Don't look at them now.Now - open this box. It was a tiny little recorder - just what I'd wanted. "I know you like to write in your little notebook, but I talk a lot and I talk fast. This will be easier to transcribe for your article. "Wow. Thank you so much, Salvador. I still have my notebook with questions written in it. This is perfect!" It's got a fresh cassette in it as well as new batteries. You're all set. Okay....open the other one. It was a mini digital camera. "That's for you to use next time. You have a computer, right? With a USB port?" "Three of them." "Nice. You look pale -- let me get you some juice and some Oreos." Gross. "Let me check you out for paint and blood. Lift your feet up. OK. Your cut is already clotting." We can go out to the gallery and have a seat. I was still naked. I sat on a sofa as he got me the promised glass of orange juice and a handful of cookies. I was hungrier and thirstier than I thought. I needed it too. I felt stronger. "Need the bathroom? It's right past the studio door. I went. But I didn't really have to go. Nothing came out from either end. I was still deathly pale, but I was usually looked too white anyway. I came back out and Salvador was sitting on the couch -- totally naked. Stimulating himself. Shit! OK. It's not like I didn't want this to go further - but I needed my interview. "Whoa -- you are one confident man, Salvador!" "I'll behave -- for now. I recorded some personal thoughts already. You can listen later. Let's get started." "OK. When did you first get interested in painting with blood?" "Call it a fetish. I love the life force and I think most art is too cold. Blood painting is warm. I used to just use my own blood, but it was too personal -- I started asking others to donate blood - friends, lovers. family. It freed me up creatively. But blood changes color because of the iron content. It also flakes off unless you use a fixative. I was selling my work while still in school. I got interested in using strangers' blood. The easiest donors were these street kids who had drugs and disease in their system. It makes a difference in texture and color. I got inspired. Bit it still rusted and flaked. So I began to mix the blood with oil paint -- which stays around for centuries. Obviously. I still like the color red. So do my customers." "Do you feel like it's reckless to paint with blood when there are some serious blood-borne diseases out there?" "Possibly. I don't like the word 'reckless'...I prefer to call it 'daring'. I need to be as brave as the young men who volunteer to let me cut them. I've had the AIDS virus for ten years -- from my own activities unrelated to art --and some of the paintings you've seen in the gallery are tainted -- but the virus dies quickly outside the body. I don't use drugs, but I do get a secondhand high when I smell or taste chemical blood. Turn off the recorder." I did. "Are you scared now?" "No -- Yes. A little. I'm new to sex. I was a virgin until this past weekend. I think I'm in love with the guy." "Love is as dangerous as sex, Daniel. OK. Turn the recording on again." He stood up and his dick and hairy torso were beautiful and in plain view. "I'm going to paint now as we talk. I hope you don't mind -- you are inspiring me. He put his smock on and left the room. That furry ass of his was so perfect. He came back with a new bottle of wine and a corkscrew. It's still corked so you know I didn't put anything in it. Some guys assume I'm going to drug them, but that's not my style. I understand their distrust." He mixed a vial of my fresh blood with a small amount of crimson paint. " I only had 50/50 luck with uncorking wine bottled on my own, but I couldn't fuck this up in front of him. "Glasses?" "What? Oh - no. We can just take swigs from the bottle if you're comfortable with that?" Yes. No. Oh fuck it. I took a generous gulp from the very dry red wine. He was already painting on the fresh canvass. "Is seduction part of your work?" "It's possibly part of this one - but not usually. I'm just sourcing materials for art." "Do you consider your work ethical?" "I hate that word. Nothing is 100 % ethical. Vegetarians make such a big deal about their 'cruelty-fee' diets, but tons of tiny animals are killed when grains and vegetables are harvested. Rodents and such. Is that ethical?" He was talking in circles and I needed to reign this in. But then he had the brilliant idea of cutting his own groin and mixing his blood in with mine. I involuntarily shuddered. "When and why did you start going abstract with your artwork?" "Earlier this year. I felt like brushes were putting too much distance between me and the canvas. I started finger-painting like a pre-school kid. It was a revelation!" His groin was still bleeding. It was alarming. "The work progressed towards abstraction just by not using traditional tools. "You might need to tend to your cut, Salvador." "Perhaps...in a bit. I'm just too into this now. This piece will not be for sale!" He added some dark blue. Making violet. "Do you see yourself working with blood forever? Is this your permanent medium?" "I don't know -- that's a very good question. It will always involve something provocative -- I once considered using snake venom mixed with blood. Or doing something 3-D, sculpture or something. Right now - I'm still so drawn to blood for now. I'm always thinking of new ways to incorporate it. These street kids are using different drugs now. Opiates are really intriguing to me currently. The blood is a little lazy - which is why yours is so unique. It's lively and clean but chilled like glacial water. I once tried mixing urine with paint but there was no life in the art. And it was just too distasteful to my eye." "Why do you think people are so drawn to your paintings?" "Some people are just morbid -- like those people who bought John Wayne Gacy's paintings that he makes on death row. I think even Dahmer's father sold some terrible drawings and wrote a book. Some weirdos are just always looking for something new, something dark. Other's are just attracted to me -- to a kind of danger they think I represent. I'm actually harmless, but it's easier to just take their money and let them think whatever they want." I drank more of the wine but Salvador hadn't touched it. I guess maybe he saw a little bit on concern on my face because he walked over and took a long swag. His large penis was half erect. I just reached over and touched it. I just had to. "I've got an idea. Come with me." I didn't even think twice about following him. He had me stand at the easel and gave me the blood/paint. "This will be my first collaboration. Paint something - go with what's already there and carry it for a while. There are brushes over there or you can use your fingers, whatever. I put my index finger directly on his dripping wound. I held to my lips. "What's it taste like, Danny?" "Passion. Hot, risky passion." "Go with that." I painted using just his blood and then with some of the maroon paint. My own cut was still dripping a little and I added that too. I added all three liquids. and reached what I thought was a natural stopping point. He was impressed. "Done! I love your instincts! I guess writing and painting are very similar. We just finished the first the first chapter in our story. Together." It looked like a piece of organ meat to me, but of course I didn't say that." And then we were kissing passionately His fully hard dick was rubbing against mine and I reached around a grabbed his furry butt. He took my face in his hands. "Are you sure?" No."Very!" He brought me down to the floor and mounted my body. Our bloody, paint spattered naked bodies merged and he entered me. I wasn't thinking this through very well - we were just just making another creation, still collaborating. This way more painful than when Jose first nailed me with his stubby little member, nut I was infinitely more turned on. That makes a difference as it turns out. I wanted him in me deeper and deeper despite the pain. He was jabbing away the same he stabbed his fingers directly onto the canvas. Art was being made inside of me. I should remember to write that phrasing down. "I'm signing it now...I'm coming!! He heaved as he shot a hot load deep into my guts. I wouldn't need a test to confirm I was now infected. I was a walking, talking, writing work of art. The way I lived my life from here on would be different. He stayed inside me as his dick got soft. "Want the shower first?" "Yeah -- do you have hydrogen peroxide?" "No! That makes the cut heal slower. Use soap and warm water. Not too hot. You don't have anything in your hair, but some of the paint may be hard to get off your skin. I've got a special mixture of stuff you can use on that later. It's a little hard on your skin - so use some moisturizer afterwards. I'll send you home with everything you'll need. What are you thinking? "Only good things, Salvador. Only good things." He grinned at me and I finally saw the glowing light behind his 'evil' disguise. We hugged again. And then I showered. When I came out of the shower, all clean (on the outside at least) Salvador was trying to extract the blood and semen mix I'd left in the spot where my ass was during sex. "You don't mind if I use this, do you?" "No. Not at all." "I've got clients from Italy flying in tomorrow morning. Think we could meet again on Friday? After 6 PM? This new painting of ours will be ready for you to take home." "Wow! Thanks! Sure. Think you get some quotes from these clients? Maybe a photo? I can messenger some release forms to Valerie first thing in the morning." "No. I've already got all kinds of legal forms on hand. I even signed some for the photos in the one folder. Remember -- those other photos are for you only. Don't share them or reproduce them in any way--not that you would. I'm lawyered up, man. You can understand why, "Yes. Well, I've got a story to work on. It's almost 1." "Read all the instructions and learn to use it. It shouldn't be that difficult for a smart guy like you." "I appreciate all this, Salvador." "That's another thing. My real is Simon. Simon Goldman. I chose to go by Salvador when I was in art school. I'm 40 years old." "What would you prefer to be called by my me?" "Your lover." I just kissed him and left. "See you on Friday." I was too wired to go straight home. I had tomorrow off -- but a lot of work to do. No way could I go back to No Name. I could probably never go there again. I'd have to lose that place, I'd have to lose sweet Jose, his wonderful family and my negative HIV status. Things would change now. I went back to the sports bar and there was a different bartender working. I couldn't drink tequila ever again now so I ordered a pitcher of beer, got some quarters and went to play some pinball. Jose had probably called me to see if I was feeling better. Maybe he was hoping I'd be well enough to host him again before his shift began. I couldn't. I had my lover's virus replicating inside my bloodstream -- even sucking his dick was not 100% safe now. People think playing mindless games is just mindless and an escape from reality don't understand that, yes - it does occupy the detail-oriented part of your brain while the rest of your mind is processing other things. It's also true when you're drawing or writing and even when you're washing dishes. The mind is most active when you're in the deepest stage of sleep. I bet my lover knew that already. I finished my third beer and decided to call it a night. I wanted to look at the photos and listen to the tape. Was it still recording while we had sex? I drove home without incident even though I knew I'd never pass a breathalyzer test just then. Messages from Jose, Mom and Ed. All of them were probably worried, but it was a little too late for that. I wouldn't start the story or listen to the tape until I'd had a good sleep. But I would look at the photos he'd taken just for me. The first few were gorgeous photos of his face and torso. A couple of shots of his hard dick with every single vein, pore and pubic hair shown in glorious detail. I didn't beat off or even attempt to read up on the digital camera. I just slept. Let it all work itself out in the my dreams. END
  7. Note for readers: I always appreciate and read comments - one that I get a lot is "not enough sex". Well I added more sex (starting in part 6). But as I added more sex, I added more characters and the story got more massive. It covers all sorts of sex and does contain some violence. Approach with caution if you are the gentle sort. It's not autobiographical, but there are parts me in the Brian character. There really is no Ted -- even though I sort of wish there was because I really grew to love him as I wrote this story. He's based on several people I've known, met, chatted with or read about in other forms of fiction. I almost hate that this story is finally finished. All characters and locations are completely fictional. Toon I dedicate this work of fiction to a man I was too stupid, selfish and shortsighted to hang on to. I miss you, Sir. 1. BEFORE TED -- 1989 I'm not entirely sure when I turned into such an asshole. I think it all began when I moved away from home and decided to kill the sad loser I'd always been. I needed an extreme makeover. My initial plan to become straight pretty much died when I arrived on campus and saw all the hunks in shorts sand bare chests walking up and down my dorm hallways. It was one of those famously athletic schools with excellent sports teams and generous scholarships. Yikes. I was pursuing a degree in industrial design because I'd heard they could have their pick of high-paying jobs if they had talent. I groomed myself thoroughly and tried to keep abreast of everything"cool" to wear, think and listen to. Little by little - I began fitting in. I worked on my voice, my walk and my smile. The egotistical asshole in me was emerging. I was engaged in my classes and worked hard. Professors and classmates would say nice things about me, and I'd horde every compliment away like I was a squirrel storing nuts away for a long Winter. Nourishment for the jerk I was becoming. 2. A LITTLE CLOSER TO FINDING TED -- 1993 St. Louiburg, Missouri - Well, I'd done it! I landed a great job in big city with a company you've heard of. The stage was set! I moved into what I considered to be a really nice apartment building. I still didn't look the way I wanted, though. I used a few of all my new credit cards to buy a weight bench, go to a tanning bed and get tinted contacts so that my dark brown eyes looked even blacker. I found it easier and easier to meet people and talk to them. I made tons of work friends (mostly women). Jana was my favorite. She was beautiful and smart -- a little on the sarcastic side. We'd have lunch together and she knew the dirt on everybody. She was the kind of bitch you do NOT want to get on the bad side of. Ever. We'd been friends for almost a year when she confronted me about my fashion sense. Her look was serious but there was kindness in it. "Brian, Honey...We need to talk. For a gay man, you have terrible taste in clothes." Huh? I never told her I was a homo. I've since noticed that certain women just know. She had a big mouth--so I guess the whole 'coming out' process would be out of my hands at this point. "I dress just like my manager, just like the guys in my department." "Hopelessly straight bores. I'll take you shopping on Saturday...and then we'll visit my hairdresser." Gulp. OK. You can't refuse Jana. "But I'm not so sure I want to look like upper management. I think I mostly just want to be good enough for a hot man, I'm lonely." "I'll think on that later, Dear." So we shopped at the snootiest menswear stores you can imagine. She picked out formal clothes, casual clothes, underclothes and a few pairs of shoes that cost more than my rent. The haircut was OK - but not terribly different or better than the ones I got at Super Cuts (the ladies are so nice there). We hit some skincare shops before finishing up for the day. All she was doing was gussying up the arrogant prick I'd become...making things worse. 3. TED AT LAST -- 1993 There was a really hot new gay club in town called "Ledge". It was apparently so cool and exclusive that hip. straight couples flocked to it every night of the week. Jana dressed me up one Friday night and took me there in her ridiculously expensive new sport car. She looked like a million bucks and I maybe looked like a thousand at most. She smelled like the kind of perfume you couldn't find at Rite-Aid. The Ledge was in an iffy neighborhood and so she parked a million miles away....in a well-lit lot with cameras and a security guard. I paid and slipped the guy an extra twenty. He was almost ready to hug us both. Once we got to the sidewalk, you could already hear the music and assorted frenzied activity from the club. Jana paused under an exceptionally bright storefront and sized me up and down. She looked pleased. "My god! I'm a miracle worker. Everything is on your tab tonight. I don't think I got your cologne just right -- but it'll be so smoky in there, nobody will notice." "Just stay close to me, Jana. I'm nervous right now." "Don't worry my poor little virgin farm boy. Mother won't leave you." She laughed. This was going to be OK. Maybe even great. And there we were - at the entrance. I was impressed already. It was a HUGE place! I mean, Wow! The cover charge was pretty steep, but it probably had to be. "Don't let me do anything stupid." She nodded and held my hand. This was going to be so cool. We were a bit early for a weekend evening but it was still pretty crowded. We lucked upon an empty table that a couple had just abandoned. Jana adjusted herself primly on one of the tall stools. "Do you see those big, glowing blue drinks people have? Want me to get you one?" "For starters. Just don't fall in love with that hunky bartender. They're perfect and they know it. Tip-loving parasites. This will be your first test, Brian." Well the bartender was a hunk alright. He gave me a wink as I ordered two of those bizarre drinks which were famously called "Neon Windex". He let his fingers linger over mine as I handed him the cash. Sorry. I know your story, shit stain. Jana arched a perfect eyebrow as I approached. "Well done." "What do you think is in these?" "Who the hell knows? Rum is my guess -- with a generous helping of nuclear waste. Drink!" It was good. It didn't taste like booze at all. I suddenly remembered a girl from high school who got pregnant after drinking Long Island Iced Teas 'it don't taste strong, but it IS'. I wonder what happened to her. Not many good things is my bet. It may not have tasted strong but I could already feel a heavy duty wave of something making me giddy. I watched the beautiful crowd. I was not worthy of this scene just yet. I needed more work. I saw a few men that I wanted to undress in jack-off fantasies later tonight. I'd almost forgot about Jana until I heard her slurp the last of her toxic drink. She never drank anything without a straw so as not to mess up her perfect lipstick that probably cost a hundred bucks a tube. I was looking at her pretty face, feeling drunk. "You're beautiful, Jana." "Yes. It's true. Don't think I'm not watching you. I see who you take extra long looks at. You like 'em tall, dark-haired, and I'm almost certain you have a thing for Hispanics. Yes?" A person can only take so much of Jana in a single dose. "Yeah? What about you, Sweetie? Who have you noticed?" "I'm not even window shopping tonight, Darling. I just switched birth control and can't even take the chance of having a penis inside of me." Sensible gal. "Speaking of which - you know not to let any part of a man inside of you that's not covered in latex, right? I refuse to lose you before your time, Brian." "I have a keen eye for news when it comes to AIDS prevention, statistics. and have rubbers at home that I bought the minute I decided I wanted man sex. The box has never even opened. They don't go bad do they? Expire?" I didn't see how they could. "Oh they can...and do! I'll take you to buy the kind I swear by. But remember -- condoms are a little less than 90% effective. Make sure it's worth the risk. Get a guy's history first." "I know all that, Jana. I know condoms can break...because I think I am the result of a faulty 70's condom. My folks were pretty old when I was born. They never wanted to be parents..that much was pretty obvious from the beginning." I'd been coming to terms with that for a long time now. I just didn't want that part of my tragic shit broadcast to a potential mate/husband. "Well -- I'm going to introduce you to my therapist. She'll fix you up good. Now go out there and dance!" Was she serious? No way. "I can't. I haven't danced in front of people since the homecoming dance when I was a sophomore in fucking high school!" "Well...OK. Just go up there and look open to the possibility, OK? Make eye contact with someone you fancy and see what happens. I'll save your seat." I was not going to win this round. Fine. I worked my way through the gorgeous crowd, careful to avoid their careless cigarettes and drinks. At least the music was excellent as it blasted through the billion speakers embedded in the walls. It was that cold British pop/new wave I'd grown to love lately...right after my grunge phase. Good shit. The Darling Buds, Charlatans UK, The Sleepers, etc. The DJ was some kind of genius- mixing snippets of some 80's beats in the songs so delicately you'd just assume they were recorded that way originally. I was transfixed by the sounds as I passed by some big guy hunkered down at a cigarette machine and obviously fighting with it. "GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!" I stood next to him. "Need another quarter?" He stood up fully and cast an enormous shadow over me. My guess is that he was 6'5" or taller...maybe 250 pounds. 300? "No. I put in more than enough money in, but the knob won't pull out. Piece of shit machine!" The problem was simply that his brand was all sold out. "What's your second favorite brand?" He picked and the knob pulled straight out. Ta Da! "Thanks, Kid." "Can I bum one?" "Least I can do. Sure. I'm Ted." He held out an enormous hand for me to shake. My fingers were almost sucked away in the gravitational pull of that giant paw. Hot. He lit the smoke for me and I inhaled gratefully. The crowd had gotten denser and I was pretty sure Jana couldn't see me. She hated smokers. "Brian. Want to dance, Ted?" He laughed wide enough that I could see his buck teeth that had mostly been disguised by his thick full beard and mustache. So what? Perfect smiles were almost always enhanced by a dental intervention or expensive products. "I look like a giant hippo on the dance floor." We went and sat down at a little corner bar that was strategically located where the dancers could quickly hydrate. The stools were all empty and so we settled in. Ted was the kind of guy you had to examine closely because the sum of his parts was too much to take in at once. Huge. Just so huge. "but I can tell you want to go out there....so GO! NOW!" He was bossy in a different way than Jana was. It gave me a thrill and I wanted more. "These really aren't my kind of guys, Ted." "You're kidding, right? What's you're type?" "I don't know. You. You're my type." I don't think I was saying that quite right. "Huh?! You're into big guys? Beards? Ugly faces?" He seemed genuinely perplexed. "I like real men. Authentic." "Well...that type is hard to find in places like this. I'm only here because..." His tone had changed and his face softened, "Well. My lover and I had some great times here -- he loved to dance. He died a few months ago. And it ... he..." I could see tears form in his eyes, Oh man. Dead lover = AIDS = Red lights, danger!! Run!! "Let me buy you a drink, Ted. We'll toast..." "Andy." I ordered us each a simple domestic beer from the overworked bartender who was too busy to flirt. I left him a generous tip. "I'm sorry for your loss. We can talk about it if you want. Or not." "Maybe not just now, Brian. Tell me about you." I gave him a general overview of my current life, nothing too specific. Then the DJ played a favorite song of mine: "White Shirt" by The Charlatans UK. It made me involuntarily bob my head to the beat. "Go dance already, Brian! Don't make me have to tell you again. I'll be right here." I just left him alone there and followed my eager feet to the dance floor. The booze or something made me brave enough not to care who was watching me just dance without a partner. My hips unlocked and I hit a groove. Was I maybe showing off a little - for Ted to see? Maybe. Arrogant assholes like myself always have a secondary motivation for doing anything. The song seamlessly segued into another, then another. Before I knew it, I had a dance partner. Cute guy, my age. He was a clone of so many of the pretty boys I'd seen around. His dance skills put mine to shame. I pantomimed an exhausted, sweaty dancer and moved off the dance floor. He followed. "Oh my god! It get's so warm when it's crowded like this. Oh my God! Hi - I'm Douglas..." He didn't offer a hand to shake. "Brian." I didn't want Ted or Jana to see me with him and assume he was 'my type'. "Want to go somewhere for a minute?" Like where? The bathroom? The parking lot? Uh, NO. "I can't. I'm here with somebody." "So what? I am too. Can I get your number at least?" And then a heavy arm went over my shoulder. "Hey, Babe. Who do we have here?" Ted. He bent down and gave me a whiskery kiss on the cheek. Before I could say a word, Douglas was gone. "Thanks, man." I kind of didn't want him to stop holding me like that. "No problem. You looked like you were trapped." "Ted to the rescue! Want another beer?" "Nah. I need to go now. Some other time, OK?" "Sure." I was about to compose a pout on my face when he took both my hands in his. "May you never have your heart broken, Brian. May you never know loss or pain." He looked as if he was on the verge of crying. He may have made it the other side of grief, but he hadn't made it back yet. He then tucked something into my back pocket. "Don't read this until I'm out of here." He gave me a full on kiss on the lips. Yep - I was into beards for sure. As I made my way back to Jana, I suddenly remembered a story a female friend in college once told me: "The first thing I thought of after my mom told me how babies were made was how horrible it must have been for Wilma Flintstone." I'd never once thought about she and Fred having sex - but it changed how I thought of cartoon men forever. I remember thinking how much I wouldn't mind doing it with Fred or Bluto from the Popeye show. Oilve Oyl should have chosen him over that freaky sailor with the weird forearms. Hell, I'd probably even let Homer Simpson fuck me if I'd had a few drinks first. Jana wasn't at our table. In the place where we'd been sitting there were two scary goth chicks with severely short hair and piercings everywhere. She wouldn't have ditched me. "Brian!" The weirder of the two shouted at me over the music. You're Brian, right? Jana just went to use the bathroom and told us to keep an eye out for you." I just smiled and stood there like a giant squirrel. "I'm Veronica and this is Anika. Go find two more stools, Anika." The meeker girl left as instructed. Veronica gestured for me to sit. "Nice to meet you, Veronica." "Oh just call me 'Ronnie'. Everyone does. This is for you," she gestured to a fresh Blue Windex. "Seriously? These things are lethal." "Yeah. I think she wants to talk to you about something serious." uh oh "About what?" I suddenly felt like I was waiting in the principal's office. Ronnie just shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe about that bear you were smooching." "That what?" "Wow. You're as green as she said. 'Bears' are big, hairy dudes. I've never seen them here before but you found the only one. Here they come." Anika and Jana were each carrying a bar stool. Jana and I were facing them which I didn't like because I needed to read her face in order to gauge her mood and see how much trouble I was in. I took a few heavy sips of toxic waste while we made some friendly small talk that ended too soon as Ronnie stood up and announced they'd let us have some privacy now. No! Stay! "It's time for me to go show Anika off and scare some straight people. Come on, you sexy little bitch." I could easily picture Ronnie walking Anika around on a dog leash. I frankly didn't know much about lesbians, what they did in bed. "Let's switch to the other chairs, Jana. We can't see anything from this side." "Exactly. I need your undivided attention right now." she turned the stools so that we were facing each other. She looked serious but not angry. "I saw everything, Brian. I followed you. covertly. We're here for an hour and you already need an intervention." "What? Why?" I was suddenly fed up with this Daniel/Mr. Miagi thing we had going on. I was a grown man for god's sake! "Look. You're new at all this. I get that, OK. But when I saw you go straight for the biggest, fattest, hairiest guy in the city..." "I wouldn't call Ted 'fat'. He's just husky, solid." "Ted? Ted's the pig's name? A Ted is someone who installs siding or fixes your alternator." "What about Ted Kennedy or Ted Nugent?" "Did you really just use those two names in the same sentence?" "Whatever - that's awfully judge-y coming from a woman with two ex-husbands! He's actually going through a hard time right now. He's grieving." She looked at me with something new in her eyes. "I'll be damned...I think I saw you show some empathy for a moment." "Moment's over, Darling. He's not interested in dating anybody right now." I didn't tell her about the dead lover or the note he gave me. I couldn't wait to read it, but not in front of her. "OK. Tell me more about him, about this Ted." I gushed about his rough hands, his giant boots, his warmth, his perfect beard. And on and on. "He only looks rough, Jana. But maybe that's my type. I'm still figuring it out." "It's a stage I went through in high school. I liked 'em rough and 'bad' on the outside but tender inside. I guess you're basically just twelve years old at this point. Welcome to junior high," That second drink was affecting me something fierce, My brain wobbled. "Think we can go pretty soon?" "Yeah. Fresh air will be good for us, Don't think I didn't see you with that cigarette....you may NOT smoke in my car or my house or anywhere within ten feet of me." We ran into Ronnie and her pet Anika on the way out. "You guys are leaving already? Well, drive safe. I'll call you next week, Jana." She stuck out her pierced tongue at us which I guess was considered a friendly gesture in her world. "Are you a lesbian now?" I was kidding, but you had to be careful when joking with Jana. "If only. I'm just too fond of men and what's in their pants. She and Anika run a vintage clothing store. We're all going to get pedicures at this place she recommended. I also gave her your number...in case you want somebody to accompany places where men like this 'Ted' hang out. I'm certainly not going with you. Plus, I think she has some decent weed connections, FYI. " Once we were back at the entrance, I noticed the hot bouncer. He obviously worked out intensely - like nine times a day or something. Huge shoulders and biceps, completely shaved head and a tough silver chain around his thick neck. Hot as fuck! "You folks leaving already? It's not even midnight!" His eyes sparkled like a demonic coyote's would. Jana came over and stood directly in front of me. Rude. "Sorry. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. Ta!" She practically dragged me through the exit by my ear. "Honestly, Brian! He had to be 50 years old - at least." We made our way through the parking lot. "Here's the thing about those really giant dudes....their dicks are not in proportion. They look tiny on the their big frames even though they'd look perfectly fine on an average-sized man. Also -- that whole myth about big hands and big feet just isn't true. If it was, no woman would ever be stuck going home with a little penis." "Maybe I don't care about dick size, Jana." "Really? I tend not to care -- unless they're really small. Those little things hurt when they stab around down there. Hung guys are more bearable, but those guys tend to have little else to offer a girl AND they generally have some form of STD. I got crabs from one of those big cocks I brought home in my my 20's. Guess I'm just lucky I didn't get warts as well." She sighed. "I've lived a life, Love. God my feet hurt!" "Well, you're the one who had to wear those fuck-me heals and who parked so far away." "Hush now. We're having a sleepover at my place tonight. There's a nighttime moisturizer I want you to try. I have some decent wine chilling as well." "And "Grease" again?" God, I wanted to destroy that tape with a magnet or something when she wasn't looking. I guess it held some special place in her heart, the way movies do with some women who saw them at a crucial time in their lives. "It's either that or "When Harry Met Sally". Decide now or I'll just drop you off at Memorial Park for all the rough sex you want." God, what a bitch. The street got a little darker and creepier for a block or two. We saw some homeless guy standing up and singing/yelling some hymn: "He is my rooftop! My rooftop! You hear me, Motherfuckers?!" After we passed him, Jana grabbed my right arm. "If you do end up with some big brute, you have to let me borrow him as a bodyguard sometimes." "Deal." There was a new security guard in the lot when we got there. He came scurrying from his little booth "Pretty lady! Pretty lady! Miguel told me see for you! Nobody touch your car, Pretty lady!" She gave him an air kiss and we were on our way toward the highway. "I still have the shorts and t-shirt you left from the last time." "Did you at least wash them?" "I had them cleaned. Yes." "You live so far away!" I was all whiny like entitled assholes tend to be. 4. TED'S LETTER It was a fun night I guess, but I was still glad to be back in my own apartment. Ted's folded-up note was still in my pocket, exactly as he'd left it. His fingers were the last to touch it and I'd slept with my jeans folded up under a pillow. Jana was a known snoop...even when she was drunk. It was now time. It was almost a full page written on the back of a hot pink, photocopied flyer for an AIDS charity walk or something. BRian -- Sorry if this is hard to read. Bartender wiped down the bar and its still wet. Your a good dancer! I could watch you dan ce all nite. But I'd rather take you home and fuck you brains out!! (smiley face with devil horns). But I cant be a boyfrend for a long time - ....i9f if ever. Not that your interested. HA HA You mite be the best looking man in the whole city!! We cant date but I would like to be friends. Please call me at --- ----. Soon. OK?? You owe me a cigarett HA HA (smiley face with little hearts around it) TEd I read it twice. It didn't smell like him - just the bar. Why would I ever call him if there would be no sex happening? I kept it as a souvenir in a little stack of letters and cards I meant to put in an album someday. If I'd been a good person, I would have kept in touch. But, oh well. I needed someone to 'fuck my brains out'...and that's all that mattered. Ya know? 5. MY TED OBSESSION I went through a long dry spell when my only social contacts were with Jana and new pal Ronnie. I didn't try going out to the 'rougher' bars by myself even though Ronnie had offered to go with me to a few places. I was in love with my own misery and drinking alone while playing Tetris and listening to some new CDs. The drinking thing was becoming a problem I needed to be careful with. My parents didn't drink, but almost everyone in their respective families did. Fuck it. It wasn't my problem if I could blame genetics. I thought about Ted every single day. He was the perfect one for me and he was gone forever. I must have thrown away that note of his during one of my psycho cleaning binges because it was lost. Why oh why didn't I ever call him?? A better person would have called him right away. A better man. We had another sleepover at Jana's place - Ronnie included. We'd never stay at my place because I had the habit of leaving the toilet seat up, and Ronnie owned a tarantula plus a boa constrictor. Jana wouldn't tolerate much...but expected us to put up with her quirks. Like "Grease" and now "Xanadu". Dear God. She and Ronnie seemed to dig that movie for various reasons. They kept trying to convince me that terrible films with huge budgets and big stars were a valid art form. We were drinking some fancy wine made from pears - I think. Is that even possible? "I mean - you can just taste and smell all the cocaine involved with filming this shit. There were writers still working on the script while the cameras were rolling!" Ronnie was sitting on the floor with me. I like floor people. Jana was lounging on her huge leather sofa like Cleopatra. "It was the last great gasp of the 70's. It's a moment worth cherishing!" I was not in the mood for this bullshit. "A shitty movie is just a shitty movie, ladies. I saw "Flash Dance" at a pivotal time in my life but I don't feel a deep need to relive it a thousand times! Christ!" Ronnie paused the movie and looked at Jana. "It's time, Honey." They helped me up to the couch. Uh oh. This was serious. "OK," Jana said solemnly "We were going to wait until we finished the wine, but now is as good a time as any..." "You two bitches have been talking about me?! I don't need this bullshit. I'm leaving NOW!" Ronnie put her hand on my knee...a tender thing she'd never done before. "I drove you here. Remember? We're just concerned...you've been on this 24 hour bummer for too long, Brian. It's become exhausting for us. Can you just listen for a minute?" I really wanted to say 'no' and keep my bad mood but I was trapped. "Yeah. But no more conspiring. OK?" Jana put her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled like expensive raspberry jam. "We've reached our limit, Brian. There's nothing left for either of us to say. You need to talk to a professional. I see a therapist and I really think she could help you too. Her name is Deb and she's very good. She takes our insurance plan and you'll only have to shell out for a small copay. I trust her." What could I say? Something did need to change. It was worth a shot. "Will you go with me?" She kissed my cheek and then so did Ronnie. "Of course! She's a counselor and a really good friend. We go out for drinks and dinner all the time! You will just love her! I'm going to go call her right now!" Off she went, leaving Ronnie and I on the couch. She was wearing an over-sized Johnny Rotten t-shirt that I secretly coveted. "Have you seen her before? This Deb woman?" "No. Well, I met her once. Complete and total Earth Mother. I tend not to mesh with that type. Doesn't mean she's not good at her job -- I just, I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt just to talk to her, right?" "I guess not. Thanks." "No problem. Want to help me hide that tape somewhere?" Evil grin. Jana came bounding back into the room with a happy bounce. "She'll see you on Tuesday at 6 PM. We'll go after work. That's it for details. She was up communing with the moon or Venus or something." uh oh I drank the rest of that bottle of pear wine all by myself. Jana complained about cramps and went to bed early. Ronnie and I felt like unsupervised children. We found a pay-per-view zombie movie on TV and smoked a little hash. "So what's up with Anika?" "Who? Oh. She left town all the sudden. I think it was something to do with a kid she had when she was 16 that's in the legal custody of one of her sisters." "Do you miss her?" "Not especially. I'm only a part-time gay." I'd never heard of such a thing. "Lucky! I was as given a full-time position - the workload is killing me. Did I say that out loud or just think it?" She laughed. "Oh Pumpkin! Is this all about that guy? That 'Ted'? What'd the deal with him?" "I don't know. I don't. He was so perfect and now I've lost his phone number. He wasn't even available. His lover died of AIDS. Don't tell Jana. I think he might also have it, but he looked healthy. Don't tell Jana." Her look changed. I'd said too much and now she would probably wake up Jana and tell her everything. On the TV screen in front of us, some muscle dude split a zombie's head in half with a shovel. I could relate to that feeling somehow. "Even though I look great in black, I don't want to attend your funeral any time soon. Wait...are you a chaser?" "Huh?" Her face was looking like Tetris and I was trying to make it fit together. I'm pretty sure hash and I would never be friends. "Are you a bug chaser? I always forget how new you are, Brian. Those are guys who are turned on by the idea of getting HIV from fucking. Is that you?" "NO! Not at all. The weirdest thing I want to do is kiss his feet, suck his toes." "Ewwwww!! I've heard of men being into women's feet, but never that. I've met every freak in the city and that's a new one. You need to discuss it with Deb. Maybe she knows what's up with that." "Yeah. Does it seem to you like this room is full of old bottles? Like, from the 1930's? I sense old bottles everywhere." "Maybe it's for the best that you're not with him. Maybe a part of you was smart enough to lose his number because calling him would lead nowhere good." Let's just say she wasn't the only woman in the city who thought the universe had done me a favor by severing the brief connection I had made with Ted. The crazy hippie therapist Jana dragged me to thought my 'higher self' was keeping me safe. That Deb bitch was crazy. There wasn't one New Age theory she didn't embrace fully embrace. Past lives, Eastern medicine, gem therapy, Native American spirits, dream interpretation, Taro cards, runes...you name it. I kept going back to see her for probably the same reason Jana did: She let me get away with anything and didn't judge my shitty behavior, Nothing was my fault. The universe was to blame. The only useful thing I got from Deb was the habit of writing in a journal daily. It's because of that habit that I remember all the details for this next chapter.... 6. HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE EXCEPT TED Now we finally get to the good stuff. I started what I now I refer to as 'My Slut Era'. Getting laid and getting drunk the only things I cared about. I just missed out on a promotion at work because I was usually too hungover or too butt sore to do my job with the same flair as I had before...before I started chasing every dick in town. The upstairs neighbor I didn't even have to leave my own apartment building to lose my virginity. I often ran into Lex in the elevator and at the mailboxes in the lobby. He was a cute little gay guy That had assumed I was straight until one night when we ended up giving each other serious hickeys in the parking garage. My hunger for sex was obvious all over our necks for the next couple of days. It got more and more intense every time we were together. He was only about 5'6" or so, but he took care of his body. Hairy chest. His dick was nice sized and uncut. He was some kind of find -- or so I thought. There something troubling about him. I really liked sucking him off, but he wouldn't cum in my mouth even though I really wanted him to. I kept pestering him until he finally told me he'd never been tested for HIV. He was too scared. "What would I even do if it came back positive?" Well... I didn't know what to tell him. I had always just assumed getting tested was part of gay life and that wasn't likely to change any time soon. I was biding my time until we'd try the butt stuff. I was the one who brought it up first. "I've got some condoms and this new tube of lubricant." He didn't say anything. We were lying in my bed, watching "The Real World" and I just wouldn't let the matter rest. I pulled him on top of me and we kissed passionately. I reached for the box in my nightstand drawer. "Want to put one on?" He smiled and nodded quickly. Cute. So he fucked me right there on my new sheets. It really didn't hurt too much because he was so, so gentle and let me set the pace. I'd also used nearly half the lube on us. Problem: It just wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be. He wasn't into dirty talk, saying not much except 'your ass feels so good'. Maybe if he'd been a little more dominant. Oh well - he'd popped my cherry and I guess that meant we were officially boyfriends and would eventually become 'life partners'. I wanted to take his last name and let him fuck me every night That contented, domestic feeling lasted for almost six whole days before I started having doubts. He was just so meek. ..and he talked all the time. He told me about how he and his two older brothers used to all have sex together in the the same bed when he was a kid. It occurred to me that he might have more baggage than I'd have room for in my tidy little life. I finally decided he wasn't worth giving up other possibilities for. I needed something better than Lex. We drifted apart gradually - only to get back together a few times. I treated him like shit and didn't feel all that bad. Nothing was my fault. the upstairs neighbor's best friend I'd seen Tony around many times before. He and Lex hung out a lot, went to the gym together, etc. He was kinda cute in an exotic sort of way. I never even saw him naked. We just ended up making out in the laundry room once and Lex caught us. My rotten luck. They worked it out somehow but I was not forgiven. They each eventually moved out of the building which solved problems for all of us. I never saw nor heard from either of them again. Whatever. the dancer/stripper/escort/porn star I finally went to a bar by myself. Ronnie told me I should try a place called "Backstage" because it was just a regular gay club where regular gays went. I went there on a Saturday night that also happened to be Halloween and the end of daylight savings time which meant the place would stay open until 4 AM. It was a fun crowd and lots of guys were in costume. I wore a black shirt which was my only nod to the holiday. Most people seemed friendly and the music was pretty good. I just drank Bud Light and waited to be noticed. When a dozen hunks didn't immediately run over to pursue me, I just sat at a table by myself and pouted. Couldn't they see how great I was?? I must have been on my fifth bottle of beer when somebody finally emerged from the shadows and sat down next to me. He was tall, blonde, maybe mid-30's, and wearing braces. Not bad looking, really. He introduced himself as "Rick" which I later discovered was just one of the many names he used - depending on the situation (more on that later). We made the smallest of small talk as the crowd thinned out a bit. He asked if I wanted to come home with him and see the new litter of puppies his chihuahua had. He raised and sold them as a 'side business', I followed him in my car. He'd claimed he was a 'property owner' but he should have just said 'slumlord' because his building was a dump. Oh well. I'd seen worse, I guess. The inside wasn't so bad and not at all what I'd expected. First thing I noticed was a giant vase full of peacock feathers - just like my grandmother had. She was 85. He turned on the stereo and invited me to sit on the floor with him. It was a strange mix tape and he casually mentioned that he sometimes worked as an erotic dancer and was always looking for new songs. I mentally went through a list of songs in my collection that I thought a male stripper might dig. A week or so later, I brought over "Peek-A-Boo" by Siouxsie & The Banshees (a group I'd discovered in college). I remember sitting in roughly the same spot on the floor as he played the tape and tried dancing to it. I was embarrassed for both of us. He asked if I wanted to smoke some weed and I declined. After that recent hash experience where I saw old bottles and carnival glass all night, I was done with smoking any sort of herb. He would later tell me that my weed refusal was inspiring to him. ??? He started rubbing a hand up and down my thigh and I guess the mating ritual had begun. We got naked right there in his living room. Let me just say that he had the biggest, most impressive penis in the world. What I was seeing just didn't seem possible. I mean, I couldn't even fit it all into my range of vision from this close. GIANT! This is a quick sketch I made not long after my first night with Rick. Doesn't really do it justice "Go ahead and touch it if you want." I knelt down on the floor as he stood just inches away from me. I felt it with respect and care with my fingertips which just made it thicker and heavier and I finally just kissed the purple head. There was already some slime leaking from the slit. It tasted sweet. "Yeah!! Can you suck it a little?" I tried. I really did. But I got the head in my mouth and not much more. It was a piece of equipment that could not be properly cared for by someone like me. My lust wanted to take it the way down my throat and into my lungs. Rick seemed happy that I was making an honest effort. I let my fingers feel his toes. I still hadn't fully explored this foot fetish of mine with Deb, but knew I should. I guess there was no time to think about that now, with an 11 inch, fat cock hanging in front of my face. What that the hell was I going to do with this thing?? I guess Rick would teach me. Soon. He led me upstairs as I realized I never did get to see the puppies. My host had a very nice ass. I wanted to touch and kiss that too! His bedroom was super dark. I always slept with some kind of light on. Deb seemed to think it was because I'd been molested as a child, but I'm pretty certain that never happened. I let him lead me to the bed -- which was massive and so, so comfortable. Unmade. Over the years I'd have sex in many unmade beds - but I always made sure my own was made each morning. He wanted to fuck me with no protection, but I just couldn't. Wouldn't. He reluctantly found a condom and put it over that massive tool of his. He then started licking and french-kissing my asshole. Panic! Had I taken a shit before or after my shower? I didn't remember. I sorta didn't like him doing this. The sensation was nice, but the idea of it was all too wrong. Shouldn't I be licking HIS ass? Shouldn't he be sitting on my face? I had so much gay to learn. Seriously...I wanted him to stop. I didn't like being pleasured when I wanted to give all the pleasure. Let's just say it didn't go very well. His dick was just too big. That thing belonged in a museum - not in some helpless rectum. I tried my best to assure him the spirit was willing and so forth, but I think he was still pretty salty at being asked to wear a condom. I guess nobody had ever asked him before which was troubling in a whole new way. We slept together in the dark and parted in the morning. I didn't have high hopes for a future with him. But he called later in the day. "Good morning, Brian. Happy Halloween!"(it was noon on November 1st) "Yeah. It was yesterday but that's okay. Thanks. Sorry about last night, Rick." He paused, probably to make sure that was the name he'd used. "No. I'm the one who should apologize. It was not okay for me to act that way with you. We probably should have talked more first. You just turned me on so much and I was trying to force something on you that you clearly weren't ready for. Can we start over?" "Sure." I really wanted a relationship that lasted longer than a day, a week. "Great. I need to go to the mall today. Want to come with me?" I did. Around that time in the 90's, giant malls were in the final stages of their glory days. You could still spend a whole day in one. No empty stores. No Libertarian headquarters. We ended up genuinely liking to spend time together. We saw "The Accused" in the theater (not really a great date movie), we went out to dinner, and he even took me to some pretty fancy parties where I got to meet some high-profile people. But we never got the intercourse problem solved. He insisted on not wearing a condom. "It'll go in so much easier for both of us without a rubber. It's like taking a shower with a raincoat on. Know what I mean?". He also refused to get tested. He claimed he was 100% certain he didn't have any diseases. '"Then why not get tested, Rick?" "Because I might get a false positive -- and that would ruin my life. I'm a businessman and need to stay motivated, excited about the future.'' OK. Flawed logic, but OK. We reached an impasse. I wouldn't get fucked without a condom and he just wouldn't wear one. We did other stuff and still thought of ourselves as 'boyfriends'. I thought that eventually I'd convinced him to get tested and he thought I might get horny enough to let him go inside me bareback. We did lots of oral stuff in the meantime and I thought that would last. But... But one night he decided to whip us up a pitcher (or three) of margaritas. I'd never had them before. Good shit! He also convinced me to finally get high with him. I should have kept my wits about me. I really should have. But it was a fun night and I liked being around him. I'd brought over a bunch of CDs that I thought he might like. His stereo system was excellent. I remember not being able to tell if the music was too loud or too soft...which should have been a warning sign. I remember him admitting that he was basically a stripper who did 'other things' as part of that profession. He was basically admitting he was a prostitute. He also claimed he'd made some porn videos in San Diego. I think I asked if he'd give me an autographed copy of one of them. I think he promised he would. I also think I gave him a foot massage but that might not have happened. Probably the last thing I remember is getting under the covers of his bed and him saying something about it not even being midnight yet. And the rest is a blank. It was morning. A few strands of bright AM sunlight found their way through his closed blinds. I'd just had a dream about being on a sinking boat. The water was strangely warm and I was all wet. A sliver of wood or a nail had stabbed me in the gut and I was going to die. Wait! No! I was awake! And that fucker was on top of me with his too big dick in my ass! He was either raping me or already had. It hurt like a mother and I yelled. Loudly! "Get the fuck off of me!! WHAT have you DONE??!! ASSHOLE! You slipped me something!!...you did something!!....I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" He looked like he'd just woken up too and was confused as well. He looked frightened by my fury. I found my clothes downstairs and got dressed. I bled all over his carpeting which had seen better days anyway. Fuck that shady bastard. Fresh air! I wasn't dead and could still breathe in this chilly Autumn air into my functional lungs. I had that at least. I was walking on some really uneven pavement. That was also good. I drove to Rick's but didn't feel like I could trust myself behind the wheel right now. Who knows how much blood I'd already lost. Plus the various chemicals in my bloodstream. As my head cleared, I puzzled out the previous night. He didn't drug me. I drank way too much -- which was becoming a pattern with me. I made that decision as well just like when I willfully accepted hits from his bong. I'd put myself in a vulnerable place. He made the decision to use that for his own purposes. I guess I'd get AIDS now. Plus every disease those hookers on "Cops" usually had. Sadly, my only thought right then was how much I needed a drink. I kind of knew this neighborhood. It wasn't so far from my apartment. I know I'd been down this street. I think. Thankfully I was wearing black jeans because otherwise the blood would be obvious and some cop would stop and think I was in danger. Oh I was! But not immediate danger. I turned down the street which had a name I recognized. OK. I wasn't lost. And there it was - a bar I'd never noticed it before. It was called "Pals". It was open and there was rainbow sticker in the window. I had to wonder who in the world would come to a bar at 7:40 AM on a Sunday morning. Oh right -- alcoholics. I'd fallen pretty far in the past year. Fuck it. I went inside and it was almost empty except for the bartender and one other customer. I got good feelings from this place. The bartender was a super skinny guy who was probably in his 40's. "Rough Night?" "You have no idea!" I sat at the bar and immediately felt a needle-like pain in my ass. I winced. "Honey -- we've all had nights like that. My name is Sammy. What can I get you? Want our Sunday Brunch Special? A bloody mary and a pitcher of domestic beer for five bucks." "Perfect!" He walked away to make the drink and I glanced over at the other guy at the bar. He was maybe in his late 60's and very, very drunk. He was either sleeping or dead. I mean, his forehead was almost on top of the bar. "That's James," Sammy said. "He's the mayor's brother if you can believe that shit." I believed all shit now. Every last turd that life had laid and would lay again. "Extra 'mary', please...or extra 'bloody'...whatever the booze part is. "Will do. I used a dill slice instead of a celery because you need the electrolytes." Perfect. Once it all arrived I no longer wanted a whole pitcher of beer. I needed to pay anyway -- but the wallet was in my back pocket and I didn't want to go near my ass. It was bloody and gross back there. No way was I touching my backside. "Sammy...I...it's just that my wallet is ...it's all bloody and -" "Forget it! New customers get the first round free. I'm the day manager here and I decide who qualifies. Hell - I'm the night manager too, I guess. I'm not the owner, but I sleep with him." "What's his name?" "Lester...but he has a big dick. People think his name means he is some hick with a tiny penis - but that is NOT the case." I'd reached my lifetime limit of big dicks. At least the smaller guys couldn't almost kill you. "Want my beer? I don't think I can handle it right now. The bloody mary is good though." He brought out the full jar of dill wedges and a bag of chips. "Eat. I can order a pizza from Pyramid...they're open already." He took a long, lusty swallow of the beer and I dug into the chips. "Want to talk about what happened?" "I was raped." He put the beer down. "By WHO?! WHERE?! I can call the cops if you want. I have a gun in the safe and will go kill the guy myself!" "No. No. I just got too drunk and smoked some herb...I'm the one to blame here. I've been making some awful decisions lately." "Doesn't mean we can't still kill him." He grinned a little. Drama diffused. "You can get AIDS from just one time, right? I'd only been fucked a few times in the past year. And I really bled a lot." "You can. I mean, it's possible. But not probable. Does he have the virus for sure?" "He said he didn't know, but told me he was pretty sure he didn't." "OK. Did he come in you?" "I have no idea. He was still hard inside of me when I realized it was happening. "So there's a chance he hadn't come yet. And there's a chance he wasn't infected in the first place...and even if he was, you don't know what his viral level is. Lot's of things have to come together in just the right way at just the right time for this virus to pass from person to another successfully. It's harder to get AIDS than people think. In fact - it's easier for a woman to get pregnant. My sister and her husband took over ten months of nonstop fucking before she got knocked up. My nonprofessional opinion is that you're probably fine. Get tested in a month and then in another month after that. Just for your peace of mind." I felt better. I ate the entire bag of chips as Sammy kept pouring me free drinks. I'd come back here soon and leave him a hundred dollar tip. Maybe even later today. "I can't believe how close I live to here and never even knew this placed existed." "Lester won't spend a dime on advertising. He believes that good service is the best way to keep good customers coming back." "Well, you've got a customer for life here now...and I'll be a walking neon billboard for 'Pals'." "Great. But you need to take care of yourself right now. Go home, take a long hot bath and then sleep all day. Eat a steak tonight if you can, Build up your iron and sodium levels. Maybe take a few days off from work. Abstain from letting anything near your ass while it heals. In tens days, you'll be tight as a virgin again." That was good. I'd been afraid I'd be ruined for good and no man (no Ted) would ever want to fuck me again. "When are you here, Sammy?" "Always! We hired a new guy but he lasted all of four hours." "I'll be back soon. Thanks for everything." I turned to leave. "Oh, Brian -- " "Yeah?" "Think about something, anything else for a while. Worrying won't help. And consider that maybe it all went down differently than you think. Hell, I've gone to bed totally wasted and started fucking some young guy while I was still mostly asleep. I was just hard and putting in the nearest warm hole. Poor kid freaked out a little and I was just like 'huh'? I'm not saying he's not a bad guy -- but maybe he's not as bad as you think." 7. HEALING ... FOR TED'S SAKE. AND THEN FAILING HIM AGAIN I had so many messages on my machine when I got home. the first was from Jana: "Where are you, Brian? You never call me anymore." (not now, dear) from Ronnie: "What's up? Jesus - will you please call Jana so she will quit bugging me. Did you find Ted or are you still with the stripper guy? I still want to meet him." (no way) from Deb's assistant: "Hi Brian. It's Laura. Deb wants to know if you can change your Tuesday appointment to 7 instead of 6. Call the number." (I'd just cancel) from my dad (!): "It's your father. Remember you need to renew the tags on your car before the month is over. Mom sends her love." (that's a new one) from Rick (!): "I'm really sorry, Brian. I still don't know what happened. Your car is safe. I won't have it towed. You can come get it anytime or I can bring it to you. Call me. I'm so sorry." (I needed a day or two before I could deal with this) from my boss: "Hi - it's Marcus. Sorry to call so early on a weekend morning. I'm just letting you know that there was a major water leak in our building and everything in the office is ruined and it will take several days to open our floor. Fucking Christ, I'm taking the family to the Ozarks. Enjoy your surprise vacation! Later." (sometimes the universe pays you back for a really shitty evening) I took a hot shower and cleaned every trace of that night away, being extra careful around my damaged anus which was still raw and throbbing. I retrieved the cash and cards (mercifully free of blood from my ruined wallet that I'd replace with the new one Jana had given me (she thought the one I had looked cheap). I had a three hour nap and woke up feeling new. I needed to make a call. Now. "Hello?" "Hi." "Oh my God! Brian?! I am so so so so sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose - I hope you at least know that much." "I don't know what I know right now...or what I think, Rick. But i need my car. If you drive it over, I will give you a ride back to your place." "Sure! Give me a few minutes. I've been painting some property and need to change." "Fine. I'll be waiting out in front of the building." CLICK It was a wonderful, crisp November early evening/late afternoon. I sat on the little iron bench in front of my building and watched people walking their dogs. Lots of dog owners in this neighborhood. I breathed in deeply and made plans. I needed to fix my life (again). I'd find a better therapist who would help me in real ways -- not just listen and allow me to make excuses for my shitty behavior. I needed to understand my need for sex and my weird kinks...and eliminate them. I'd go to A.A. (Ronnie knew people who were in recovery) I'd stop leading such a sordid life and totally get back on track. I would totally get the next promotion that came along and make huge paychecks like Jana did. Things were going to be different now. Startin-n-n-g-g-g...NOW. NOW!! And there was my car, looking way cleaner and fresher than I remember. Either he'd washed it or I was just seeing it with new eyes. I hopped up and ran over to it. I got in and sat next to the guy who might have infected me with AIDS. I wasn't that same man now. "You want to take the wheel? I can just drive us back and then you can take it home. Whatever you want." "Just drive, Rick." I'd keep my cards close to my vest just now. "It's kind of warm for this time of year. I was painting with the windows open and actually broke out into a sweat. I'm so relieved you're letting me do this for you, Brian." We were close to a steakhouse called The Yard that was sort of famous in the area. "Turn here. I haven't eaten much today." He did, parked. "Want me to just wait here while you eat? I didn't even bring my wallet." "No. Come with me. I'll buy." What was I doing? Asking to be violated again? No. I trusted the new person I'd become to know what to do...to be smarter than the old me. He was silently shocked. The place was packed, but Rick knew somebody there and we got a table within minutes. A client? I wondered. I wanted something, anything medium-rare. Bloody. T-bone maybe. I told him to get anything he wanted because I was just grateful my car was OK. The waitresses 'Kendra' arrived to take our drink orders. "I'll have a bloody mary - extra heavy on the hot sauce." I guess the new me could still drink socially if he wanted. Rick just ordered the same -- minus the hot sauce. "This is all surprising to me, Brian. Penny for your thoughts." "It's all OK. You'll need about a million pennies to hear them all." "I'm good for it." "Well, first -- I'm going to get tested in a month and you will too. We're going together." "Yes. I will do it. I owe you at least that much." "Secondly -- I want to know what you remember about last night. Go back as early as you can...because I can't remember very much." "Do you remember when you were trying to convince me I should try stripping to 'Born to Hand Jive'. You thought it would be brilliant if I could hand jive with my dick out. And then you tried to teach me how to do it and kept messing up. It was funny. We were getting so drunk." "Wow. I don't remember that part at all." "And then I remember you giving me this wonderful foot massage which was so unexpected and felt amazing. Then you just gave total attention to my feet -- licking and sucking and kissing. Nobody had ever done that for me before. Not even my ex-wife. I can still feel it even now. Seriously." "I remember some of that." The new me wasn't into feet. It was too weird. 'Oh man...I'd love for you to do that again!" I never will, buddy. Never. "Yeah, yeah. What else?" "Don't get mad - but you were super horny after that. I guess it's a fetish you have. It got me horny too. We were all over each other...and naked. You actually sucked me to the point that I think I was close to coming. I mean -- you were a pro. There are porn actors out there who couldn't take as much of my dick as you did." "Really?? I don't remember that at all. Did you come?" "No. I think I was too wasted because I got soft and that disappointed you. You kept saying you wanted me to shoot a load in you. And then you just went to sleep on the floor. I had to wake you up enough to get you into bed. The very last thing I remember was how good it felt to have you in my arms. It was perfect. That's all I remember. And then I woke up to you yelling. I swear that's all the information I can give you. But, Brian...? "Yeah?" "It's still my fault. You are not to blame for any of that." "I willingly got very wasted and apparently very horny. I have to share the blame." "No. I should have put the brakes on when I realized how out of it you were getting. I'm older and more experienced. You were raped...plain and simple. If I had a daughter and she got herself in the same situation - I would have killed the guy." I probably shouldn't mention Sammy and his loaded gun. That was that. We ate in pleasant peace and I drove him home. "It's still nice out. Want to go sit on my porch for a while?" "Sure." If that sounds like a terrible idea to you, imagine what I was feeling. He had a recently restored railing on his porch and a nice bench that looked new. I wondered if he built it himself...he had carpenter's hands. "Thanks for dinner, Brian. I haven't had a steak in forever." "No problem." I don't know where this forgiveness came from. It wasn't like me. The old me could hold a grudge for decades. He produced a fat joint from somewhere and lit it. No way was I touching pot for a long, long time. The new me didn't do drugs. "My mattress is completely ruined, if it makes you feel any better." "Aww. It does. Thanks." He laughed and kicked off his sneakers. No socks. Rick then propped his bare feet up on the railing. He knew what he was doing, I knew what he was doing and I'm pretty sure he knew that I knew what he was doing. He was the first man who tried to seduce me with his bare feet but he wouldn't be the last. I needed this test, I guess. "You crack me up. I'll have to pay a couple of my guys to go dump it illegally." "Tell 'em to burn it as well. Probably looks like somebody was murdered there." I really had bled a lot. I threw away those brand new jeans away already. "If I end up mysteriously murdered somewhere and they find that mattress - you'll be a suspect. You won't believe what forensic science is capable of these days." "Yeah..and,,." the weed was already having its way with him. Must be good shit. One toke wouldn't hurt the new me. The new me could do things in moderation. So we shared the doobie and talked about stupid stuff like nothing traumatic had ever happened in the last 24 hours. My eyes stayed on his toes as he curled and flexed them. Hypnotic. There was a fleck of emerald green paint on the edge of his big toenail. Green was a lucky color. Right at that second, his automatic porch light came on, putting us in a very harsh, indiscreet spotlight. Instinctively, we moved inside without saying anything. The couch had a pillow and blanket messily arranged on it. I guess he took a nap there today. He lied back on the couch and asked for another foot massage. The new me was not so new because I went to work right away. His feet weren't as big as Ted's but at least a size 12 regardless. I rubbed, massaged, probed and got a boner as he moaned with pleasure. The new/old me went ahead and kissed the big toes. We all know where this was going. While I was looking and licking, he'd freed his own full-erect penis from the fly of his out-of-style white jeans. If we're being honest here (and that is what I'm trying to be with this story), that legendary meat was the only reason I'd agreed to ever be around him in the first place. You can only imagine its glory, friends. Seriously. I never even hesitated as I moved to take it in my mouth. It turns out I really was a pro at sucking dick. I took more of that thing than you'd think a human was capable of. Fuck it. There was no new me. I wanted his cum in my throat this time...and whatever came with that sperm was worth it. There would always be time later for consequences. This time he really did cum for sure. The majority of it went down my throat, untasted -- but I got to savor a few drops on my tongue. It had a harsher taste than I would have imagined. For future reference for guys who like being blown: Avoid red meat, alcohol,coffee and salt. It didn't matter to me then, but I would later think of his cum as the worst I'd ever tasted. I knew Ted's cum would be sweet nectar but he was on Jupiter somewhere I suppose. I didn't even bother beating off. I would later. "You are the most surprising guy on Earth, Brian." Not really, as it turns out. "I mean, two hours ago we were talking about getting tested for AIDS and then...." "Sorry. There's something about you, Rick." your cock "Want to start over? Pretend like we just met?" "That's a great idea. But not right now. I need to do some stuff tonight." He looked a little hurt. "Well...I guess we could meet up tomorrow sometime." "Yeah. Do you know if I can get something 'to go' from The Yard? I want to stop there and get some more food." "You can. Want me to call for you?" "Yeah." I wanted to bring something to Sammy. The guy did not eat properly and I owed him big time. A steak would probably too hard for him to eat while tending bar -- something really hearty he could munch here and there. Fries suck when they get cold. Think, think. "OK. What do you want? They're waiting." "Prime rib sandwich - like a french dip. Horseradish on the side. No fries. Ask if they can substitute a side salad instead instead." Yep OK 'Brian'." He hung up the phone. "It'll be 25 minutes." "Perfect." "Since we just met....can we kiss a little?" And that's what we did. I was a little surprised he wanted to kiss me with his semen still in my mouth. It was maybe the most romantic few minutes of my life. He mentioned something about how he wasn't looking forward to the next day because he was going to be doing roof work for hours. He emphasized that he'd be ON HIS FEET for hours. Well I offered to give him a really good foot massage so he'd be prepared for the labor. "I mean, it's a weird thing to offer on a first date, but I've got about fifteen minutes to kill. I mean -- unless you think that's too weird. Never mind." "That would be so perfect -- Brian was it? -- I had a great foot rub recently and it did wonders." And you can guess the rest. I got up to leave. It was fully night now. Chillier. I have no idea what would have happened if I'd stayed the night. I was now a professional dick-sucker, foot massage artist...and not too shabby at role-playing. Time to go. "Hey, Brian...." "Yeah?" "This was the best first date I've ever had." I winked and left. I took the food to Pals (with five twenties stacked on top of the salad) and Sammy was there. He was wearing the same clothes as this morning. Poor guy. He needed somebody to take care of him -- the Lester guy wasn't doing the job very well. It was still early in the evening --the crowd was sparse. I needed to think of a way to to help the business. Somehow. I needed to think - but needed a drink first. 8. STILL NO TED IN SIGHT Sammy and I became became the best of friends, Jana who? The same old me was back -- but maybe a little more open. (and not just to cock) I had entered one of the early stages of alcoholism. I went to Pals almost every night after work and stayed until I stumbled three blocks home. Sammy was a better therapist than Deb could ever hope to be. It feels good to talk - just talk, QUICK EDIT: Sometimes it helps to just have somebody hear you. Feel free to contact me through this site...I know what it's like to need a friend when things are in a very bad place.. I'm not exactly the person who appears in these stories. OK? He never asked about my "rapist" and I never talked about that again. Rick and I were seeing each other pretty regularly -- doing everything except fucking. That's a good thing because I was healed up but starting to have rape fantasies. (!) Don't judge! I wanted him to fuck me so deeply that we could make a baby together. I felt a need to bleed! Why? I'd neglected Deb and Jana for so long. Ronnie and I still hung out, but she was into men now and always doing 'stuff'. "You are looking so much better these days, Brian. New diet?" He was kidding. You just have to know Sammy. We were doing shots with some random guy who had this armpit odor that was turning me on. New fetishes were emerging almost daily. I swear. I would consider a threesome with smelly guy and Sammy -- that's how drunk I was. My libido was somewhat out of control back then. Remember being 27? Armpit guy left and Sammy and I were just alone there. "Am I ever going to meet Lester?" "Yeah. He wants to meet you too. I told him about you, what a special customer you are." I hated that I always looked at him sexually. He had a small frame, and seemed like a total bottom. But.... "Do you think that guy was a hustler? That B.O. guy?" "Not sure. They tend to end up on Congress street where the bus station is. There's a few bars there that are very vagrant-friendly. Lester won't have them here -- but I welcome all. Like the Statue of Liberty. Hey -- are you ready for next week?" "Huh?" "It will soon be 30 days from that morning you showed up here after sex with the jerk who left you all bloody. Remember?" "Oh yeah." I barely remembered. I still had the smell of him on my shirt from earlier today. He'd been using paint thinner or varnish or something and reeked of it as I serviced his feet and cock. "You'll be OK. Want me to write down the address for you?" "It's the place next to that 7-11 -- with the bullet holes in the glass, right?" "Yep. Want me to go with you? It;s free...and you can give always give a fake name." "I think I'm ready to take this on alone, but thanks." What I needed to do was circle back around with Rick about all this again. We hadn't even mentioned it since that first discussion at The Yard. And to think I was all ready to live a completely celibate life that night. At least what we'd been doing wasn't all that risky when it was looked at scientifically. I didn't have bleeding gums and knew better than to brush my teeth right before one of our 'dates'. I was just so addicted to his dick and his cum. And I liked him. Genuinely liked being around him. He was basically a big ol' stoner who had some secrets I knew better than to pry into. What I loved about Pals was that it was like a home base for me now. I found a 'community' there. I met folks who were worthy even if they didn't exactly give that impression at first. I'd be so lost without this place. I was drawing a lot back then and had written and sketched some ideas to give this place a little publicity. My first idea was a new logo -- for the front of the building, business cards, matchbooks,and t-shirts. It was kinda fashionable for guys around my age to wear random tees under sports jackets. I made sure Sammy could me up with a time to meet casually with Lester. I had more ideas about this business for which he was not giving enough care. My opinions were the only ones that counted back then - remember? Here's a rough logo design I came up with: very early, very rough logo I made with markers and paper. Computer tools were not at my disposal at the time. A cleaner version was made and is still in use today. Sammy loved it and immediately set up a meeting between his Lester one early afternoon. He was an old fucker. I'd guess 67 - 70-ish. Not in the greatest of health and a chain-smoker. He could still out-drink anybody. "It's a little hard to read. But I still like it. The 'L' looks like a big penis." "Exactly. I'm a little sick of all the sterile, corporate 80's designs that are still around. This place is unique, human and invites a second look." "I know what them symbols mean. It means 'male', right? It does. I like the dick you put in there -- not too obvious." It was based on Rick's cock but I didn't mention that. "I'd wear this t-shirt, Lester. I know a guy who screen-prints shirts and stuff. He lives in my building. You could sell them here." "Sure, sure. Sounds great. I'll pay you for the design OR offer you another deal. I can offer you the opportunity to be an investor in this place...as well of some pother bars I own. They are just breaking even and I need somebody with fresh ideas as a partner. As long as you keep on thinking like this, keep giving me young ideas, I'll let you buy in for......100, 000 dollars. " I was not a businessman, but couldn't let him know that right then. "50,000 $ + all my ideas -- for a 20% stake." We kept negotiating until a deal was made. I basically drained the modest trust fund my favorite grandfather had left me and added all the money I was able to borrow against the profit sharing account from work. Also my savings account. I'd been saving for a nicer car - but this was a better investment. I thought so, at least. I hated my corporate job. It just didn't leave enough time for fucking and relaxing. We toasted the deal...many times with many shots. My tolerance for alcohol was becoming alarmingly high. I had almost no limit these days. Rick had even mentioned it offhand. He had has his own demons and was in no place to judge. As exciting as all this was - I knew I needed to get tested for the HIV antibodies. Rick agreed to come with me but needed to get stoned out of his mind first. I wasn't looking forward to this, but getting high didn't seem like a good idea to me -- not at all. I signed in as "Danny Zuko" while Rick could only come up with "Abe Lincoln". Oh well. He tried. We couldn't go into the same room together to get blood drawn which scared him. A very pregnant Asian woman took my sample with latex gloves on her tiny hands. The counselor had a bad cold but relayed all the information she had to and loaded me up with free condoms, lube samples and as many pamphlets as she could fit in a plastic bag. Rick had her as well. It was done. Four days passed. Danny was negative while Abe was positive. Fuck! Poor guy. He fell apart. "What do I do now?? I'm doomed, Brian!! I hate you for making me do this!!! I should shoot myself tonight. When will I start getting those spots? And pneumonia? You won't want to be around me anymore, will you?" His hurt was killing me. "You're wrong! Rick -- I'm in this for the long haul. I will be here for you no matter what. Night and day. You're just carrying around antibodies for a disease you don't have now. There are new treatments now. Science has really improved these days. Clinton is fully behind funding more research. AIDS won't be a death sentence much longer -- it'll be more like high blood pressure or diabetes very soon. I'm here. Let's get you home." I never got a chance to celebrate my negative status, I got him into his bed and covered him with the new comforter I'd bought from Macy's. I had this real need to take care of him. "Brian? Will you hold me?" Sure. A nap sounded good. I wasn't going to work much these days (I was on the verge of quitting, but would get a nice severance if they cut me). I took my shoes off and climbed in next to him. I hugged him hard as he cried himself to sleep. The new mattress (another gift from me) was super comfortable and we snoozed. Was it "love" that kept me there? Or just something close to it? I still had regular sessions with Rick...mostly foot rubs, but also swallowing his infected loads. But now I was dealing with a new career. My boss's boss offered me a consultant job. Perfect. I'd make the same money but didn't have to shave and dress up every day 9 to 5. "You're our going to be our idea man, Brian. The world web - or whatever it's called - is here and we need to be on top of that. We'll get you set up with all that. Don't go to a competitor and we'll treat you right." He wore a bow tie (with a grasshopper pattern), but I accepted the offer. It never occurred to me tell Jana about all this. Rumor was that she'd been headhunted by some big firm in California. The other rumor was her having a big good-bye party at a trendy restaurant and I was not invited. Neither was Ronnie (who was still into men, but never the same one). She was my closest gal pal now and I showered her with generous gifts too. I bought her an exotic scorpion (alive) and a big aquarium to keep it in. She was happy to get meet him that she screamed! She gave him some Aztec name I never bothered asking about. Life was really good. I hoped Ted's life was good too - but he was too big a thought to fit into my brain these days. I was always thinking and drawing and coming up with ideas. I met with Lester weekly and we discussed more things we could start doing to make money. The t-shirts were a big hit, and I wore one almost every day. I guess it was my way of 'coming out' - even though I'd never officially been in the closet really. I brought Ronnie to Pals one night and she was a big hit. A few us regulars decided we needed to write a one woman show for her. She was psyched about the idea. I even convinced Rick to make his comeback as an erotic dancer. This all meant spending money on a stage, better lighting and sound. Lester always looked severely constipated when money had to be spent. And advertising was a must. I'd just pay for that on my own. 9. MORE SEX WITH EVERYBODY BUT TED It's funny/not funny how promiscuous I'd become after the negative test result. I'd once gotten the idea I'd be done with sex as long as I could keep my health. Nope. Beside regularly hooking up with Rick and swallowing his poz cum, I was still hunting for more. I craved danger, sex, dick, feet, cum and ... Ted? Lester seemed to think he was still around. "Big guy, right? Beard? Ugly as fuck? Hands the size of ham steaks? Yeah. He's here. Still in town." He wasn't good for too many details because it was already noon and he was close to passing out. And then he did. Sammy smiled at me, walked over and poured us a few shots. "It's weird...you're kind of like my boss now and we haven't even had sex. Yet." I flat out loved this weird guy. "I'm too freaky for you, Sammy. Too damaged." He snorted. "Doubt that, Brian. It's more like I think of you as a little brother ... or a nephew. I don't do incest." "Yeah. Whatever you say, Sammy." I did a bit of work here and there for my company, but spent most of my time hunting down new dick. You'd think Rick's penis would be enough to keep any fag busy, but I could not help myself. I still had some small hope of being in an actual relationship, a marriage. Probably just kidding myself. But still... went through another round of men. I now had a computer and internet access...but it was mostly slow and boring back then. I hunted. the leather whisperer This guy came out of nowhere. I'd made a decision one Saturday night to bathe, groom and get dressed up. It was cold outside which was good because I liked sweaters. I had some really nice ones. Tommy Halfiger. I went to the bar where I'd met Rick. I liked the DJ there...he'd contacted me to do some P.R for him. He wanted to be "a brand". Yeah...I'd have to see his dick first. (and a toe or two) I was just a sex-hungry bottom and this place was nothing like I'd remembered (it had been a little over six months since that crazy fun Halloween night when I met Rick.) They were all kids now. And small. Short. Tiny bulges and even smaller feet. A few people tried to get my attention, but I just left in a flurry of arrogance and disgust. Asshole was back. I could either go home, go wake up Rick and blow him or just hang out out at Pals. So I went to see Sammy and was sad to see such a small crowd. i didn't know what else to do. "Hey, Boss! You look nice, Been somewhere special?" He was sly. He was funny. I loved him. "Stopped at 'Shadows' for about 20 minutes. Every guy there was tiny....with little shoes - like children. I need a drink...a real one...." He arched an eyebrow., leaned over to me -- muttered. "Size 14's at the end of the bar. Be careful." At the corner of the bar was a dude who was fully decked out in leather. Plus a 70's mustache. He wasn't bad looking, but it was hard to tell because the brim of his leather cap was pulled down so low. Hot. I was so full of hormones that night.... "Hi. Looking good. I'm Brian -- how are you tonight?" He was clearly drunk. "Well. I'll tell you, Bobby boy...,.The world is a really, really shitty place. Have you noticed? I mean..." He took a minute and regarded me. "You're a cute boy, Brad. But I should probably go home now. I started a little too early tonight." Damn. I was starting to love the smell of all that leather. He was tall too. Sammy brought over a pitcher of beer and a shot of whiskey. He dropped the shot into the pitcher and it foamed up, pretty as a poem. Cool. "What the hell is that? Root beer?" I didn't know what it was called, but it tasted nice. "I'll buy you a drink if you stay...if you can rally. It's early, man." "Yeah, yeah. get me one of those root beers." I turned Sammy's way and he was already bringing a second one. He knew me too well. Or he already knew this guy. "What's your name?" "I'm Luke. What's yours?" "Uh....Brian. Where else have you been tonight?" "Section. It was dead tonight. Hardly any cruising. You gotta go at just the right time there. Good happy hour. Lasts an hour longer than it does here." Hmmm. I wondered if extended happy hour prices were the key to bringing in more guys like him. His crowd obviously had cash to spend on expensive gear (not to mention the cleaning you probably had to put into it), I was thinking like a businessman these days. "You think this place could be more like Section? Bring in more studs like you?" He was hot but I was thinking of my investment just now. "You're fucking cute, Bob." He gave me a scorching look of lust I found flattering even though I wasn't trying to cruise him. "Move over a few seats..." I moved two stools away from him. ?? "One more." I wasn't getting something that seemed to be going on. Luke adjusted himself a little and then stretched out his long legs across my thighs. Oh. So I guess he saw the sex animal I was beneath the expensive sweater and business talk. His boots were indeed huge -- maybe even bigger than Ted's. The smell of leather, the feel of it ...I mean, DAMN. "This doesn't seem like your kind of place, Bobby. You a preppy or something?" I'd never licked the leather sole of a boot before but I was about two seconds away from doing just that. I was content just looking at them for now, holding them with respect. Luke. H Luke. His boots were the only redeemable thing about him. "No. I was just at Shadows and had to leave. not my kind of crowd." "Yeah. You about tired of twinks now? You need a man. Somebody to whip you into shape." "I think you're right about that, Luke." I would do just about anything for him to take control of me right here and now. He shifted his legs to the floor and made me move over next to him. "We'll discuss matters now." Weirdly, this magic drink seemed to have sobered him up a lot. "You're gonna buy us shots and then drive me home. It's not far." "No problem." I motioned for Sammy who was already giving me a look that said 'I've seen this all before.' "Two shots of whatever Luke wants." "First of all... you get credit for already knowing my name somehow. That's good for friends -- but I'm your master now. Your owner. I need to be addressed with more respect. Details will come later. Do you understand?" "Yes. Yes, SIR." I could play along with this. "Very good. Now tell me about your life now. I really don't care too much, but it might help things as we proceed. "I'll be 28 in a few months. I'm a consultant for emerging businesses and an investor. I'm not rich -- but working on it. What do you do, Sir?" "You don't get to ask questions, slave boy. But I'm feeling generous just now. I'm a substitute teacher and also an actor in community theater. Most importantly -- I own boys. Cash slaves. You're going to be paying my bills now." "Absolutely. Yes." Sammy had warned me to be careful. I was usually one step ahead of guys, but Luke was a whole new specimen. I would get out of this with just some quick sex. Somehow. To move this story along, I'll just hit fast forward: We got really drunk and I took him home. I stripped and knelt at his side and read the owner/slave contract out loud. I signed it and he tried handcuffing me to a hook in his ceiling that was meant for a hanging plant. My weight pulled it loose and plaster rained down upon us. It was embarrassing and ultimately kind of boring. We finally got naked and he had a very nice dick that wouldn't give Rick any competition, but it got dramatically hard despite his drunken stupor. He demanded I put him in my fantasies and tell him what I'd like to do in bed. I said I wanted him to rape me which surprised us both. It was a background fetish that took center stage all of the sudden. He wouldn't do it and was actually pretty rigid about safe sex. Too bad -- I had stopped caring about that. I wanted total domination and control. He really was just an actor after all. I got him off but wasn't allowed to taste his cum. I just left. It was still early...I could always just stop by Rick's place. the Indian pilot I was only at Section to gather research. Lester owned a pretty big bar in the suburbs and wanted it to serve the straight fetish crowd. swingers and assorted freaks. (my suggestion) I didn't understand the appeal of this place -- until I found the basement level. Some serious cruising was happening down there. Dark and smelly. You could hear blow-jobs happening in almost every corner. Cool. I guess this place was virus hibernation central. People were getting less careful now. The internet was here and 'barebacking' was being discussed on forums and in personal ad spots. THAT was the ultimate fetish I'd been on the way to this whole time. I was indeed a bug-chaser. I could go to Rick's house right now and talk him into 'gifting' me right now. But, no. I still needed to find Ted first. He'd be the key. The answer. Would I find him here? Was he still even in town? Alive? That's when I met Shri. (I really have no idea how it was actually spelled). He was from India and spoke with a very pronounced accent. He said he was a pilot and had onion breath. I didn't really mind. He was tall, lean and pretty aggressive. I'm not sure why he approached me since I hadn't really bothered getting dressed up or caring how my hair looked. I was drinking gin and tonics that night. Shri and I were dressed almost the same, now that I'm remembering it. As much as I liked black leather boots - I still had a thing for white Nike high-tops. Especially massive ones! I had never met a large Asian before ... they had always seemed petite to me. I hope I wasn't racist in addition to all my other asshole characteristics. His hands were all over me right off the bat. And we kissed passionately right there in front of everybody...not that even one person cared or even bothered looking. I liked this place! I'd be a return customer for sure. Shri and I went back to his hotel room at the fucking Hilton. Maybe he really was a pilot. He got naked and I saw his big tan dick flopping all over the place. He was only half-hard but already it still stirred a breeze as he moved. Oh yeah! Jackpot! He wrestled me to the bed and we were all tangled up for what seemed like forever. I remember trying to rub those long feet of his but he wouldn't have it at all. I wonder now if he was just ticklish or if it was a cultural thing. Some of those barefoot countries thought the feet were unclean and best not noticed. Condoms were never mentioned. I thought I could just do this...get fucked raw and be done with it. But he was so addicted to poppers. I mean, he just wouldn't stop sniffing that little bottle. I didn't like them. Made me dizzy and not at all horny. Just the secondhand smell was making me sick. But Shri seemed to need it like it was oxygen or something. My stomach turned over and I. had to just leave. I couldn't imagine vomiting in front of him in the fucking Hilton no less. I actually did throw up -- on some sports car in the parking garage. It was too late to go to Rick's place. Oh well. the total kink freak I hate myself for not remembering his name . I never wrote it down in my journal for some reason. He could be really be the star of a whole new story. Let's just call him "Roger" for now. I met him in the weirdest way. I decided to finally address my drinking problem and Deb suggested I see this acupuncture guy who had an office in the absolute worst part of the city. He was a tiny, chain-smoking Japanese man who always looked on the verge of death. Insurance didn't cover this and so I paid fifty bucks each time I wanted to get stuck with fifty different needles. He was also selling me herb pills with not a word of English on the label. I took them. I maybe felt better afterwards (even Rick commented that I was drinking less and had a noticeably increased libido). I kept going back. It didn't hurt and his voice was soothing. He said wise things in between his coughing jags. He became my spirit guide. Sort of. So anyway -- I was walking out of the decayed building when I met Roger. He was obviously gay. Not exactly handsome but interesting. I'd later find out he was working for a non-profit place that delivered food to underprivileged families. He drove a truck. "Hi. How are you? I'm Roger." It was March but still very chilly out and he was only wearing a t-shirt. "Hi. I'm Brian. You need a coat, man!" "No. I am always running hot and I move around a lot. I like the cold. I was born in Minnesota. Played hockey in high school." Well, he didn't use complete sentences very much, but I could deal with that. I tried so hard not be a snob. Asian herbs were maybe helping with that. "I was born in a climate not too much different than this. It's usually warm by now. I can't skate. Never learned." "I'll teach you. If my skates are still in decent shape. Size 13 skates are hard to find." uh oh I had to wonder if guys just sensed my weirdness back then. "Need a ride?" "Nah. I'm parked just over there. I don't work regular hours and just got done having an acupuncture treatment." "Whoa! Really? You got stuck with needles and shit??" "Yeah. It doesn't hurt at all." "Cool. I have an hour left on my shift. Want to meet up for a drink later?" "Sure. Ever been to Pals? It's a great place." "OK. I prefer The Tent, though." The what? "Sure. Where is it?" He looked at me like I was joking. "Where you been, dude? It's the oldest gay bar in the city!" I stood there looking like an idiot. "Hey - why don't you just come with me as I finish delivering some stuff. It'll do your karma some good. We never have enough help." Sure, Mr. Size 13 skates -- I need the karma points. "OK. Let's go." The alarm was set on my car and I'd kind of gotten used to leaving it behind on my sex adventures. He was right about the warmth that came with doing real work, I was sweating and his own personal heat made the inside of the cab even hotter. I got hard. I could smell sex coming off of him. The Tent was indeed very old -- and very close to my building. I swear -- I lived at one of of the three points on a Gay Bermuda Triangle, Everything was so close to my life. It was a dump. The building looked on the verge of collapsing at any second. And you couldn't just walk in....you had to be buzzed in electronically. Like it was a high-security prison or something. uh oh It was bad. I mean -- disgusting. There was some skeletal looking guy wearing just a jockstrap,..and he was actively sucking on the boner next to him at the bar. I should probably think about not being unsafe ever again. Too much shit and ugliness. My bug-chasing seemed so stupid right then. We each got beers and Roger just looked at me...head to toe. "You hate it here, don't you?" "No. I just..." "Play darts? I'm in a league now." Ugh. I never knew why gay guys liked this game so much. Lester had shelled out big bucks for a new electronic dart game at Pals even though I voted against it at first. It turned out to be a huge hit. Weird. This Roger and I kept drinking and let out hands move over each others bodies. I liked where this was going. I started having some thoughts I hadn't really had before. "I want to lick your ass, Roger." I'd never felt that like doing that with anyone before. but was now whispering it in his ear. I blamed the vibe in this bar. What I first thought was just filthy sleaze was the best kind of filthy sleaze. Reckless. "Thanks, man! I'd love that!" He was so happy that he kissed me deeply. We probably could have just done it right there and nobody would give a damn. The beer was dirt cheap and we had more. And more. We were basically dry humping each other there in the open between rounds of darts. As it turns out, I wasn't too bad at this game. He wanted to do some shots, but I asked if we could just go home together instead. It might have been my horniest moment ever -- and I'd had more than a few. So we left. He lived in a very small apartment in an old building. His queen-sized bed was right in the middle of his living room/only room. OK. I was getting used to every and any kind of shitty apartments when hooking up with strangers. It wasn't that bad, really. A single gay dude our age, working for a non-profit could do worse. I just knew he had a lot of sex here. You could feel it, smell it practically. This was going to be fun. I guess he was still thinking about my offer to eat out his ass because he guided me to the bathroom. We stripped and he got in the shower. It's kind of a shame because I was really loving the smell of sweat he had. A working man's sweat. Rick had it most of the time and I never wanted him to shower before we got down to business. I needed to call him tonight. Taking a shower with somebody is never as erotic as the movies make you think. It's cold, awkward and a little too slippery when you've had some drinks. He soaped his ass and pits well and I did the same - even though I'd just showered before the acupuncture appointment. I wanted to be clean before he defiled me in every way he could think of. After we toweled off, he opened the shower curtain wide and lit a votive candle sitting on the vanity. "We'll come back after the tub dries." Wink. I had no idea what he had in mind, but I was up for it. We went back to the main room and he basically threw me on the bed. YES! We made out passionately and that big ol' dick of his was already leaking a little. He squatted over my face and I just went for it. The hole was hairless and tasted like Dial soap -- with just a hint of funk. I tongued it and kissed it and everything. I was now a pro at something else. Roger moaned and squirmed until I guess he just couldn't take it anymore. "Wow. I need to fuck you now." Yeah! I saw him move off the bed and fish out a condom from somewhere. Shit. I was so ready for a bare cock to go inside of me. Poz me. "See if you can make the latex break, Roger." He hesitated. "Not such a good idea. I fucked a guy bare the other night and I never meant to. He might have diseases and I can't put you at risk until I get tested." I really couldn't talk him out of it. He had an odd bend in his cock that made things a little too difficult after he entered. I couldn't handle it. The angle just made it impossible for my ass to cooperate. "Sorry. It'll get easier once you've gotten used to it." I never doubted there were other bug-chasers out there - but I was starting to think that real gift-givers were rare. I reluctantly made him pull out and wondered if I would ever be capable of taking the rape I'd fantasized about for so long. Probably not. Roger saw the disappointment in my face, "How 'bout I fuck your face for a while?" Sure! That angle made taking him whole difficult as well. I guess I'd lucked out so far with all the straight, perfect boners I'd had. I mean, Rick's was fucking perfect. I had been spoiled. "Don't worry. we're going to celebrate the day I hit those tonsils." Sounded good to me. We kissed and humped passionately for a good twenty minutes before he jumped up and went to the bathroom. I could really get into this guy. "OK. Tub's dry. Come with me Brian NOW." Oh, yes sir! It was dark and smelled like soap and whatever floral scent the candle was, he put a blindfold on me. That made me a little nervous. I was a visual guy. Once I was unable to see anything, he put me in the tub and told me lay back and relax. The tub was still slightly damp. And a little cold. I'd never been blindfolded before. That's when he dripped some hot melted wax on my chest. It hurt a little but in a good way. Cool! It was a turn on but not really enough to get me going - plus I was afraid he'd drip some on my exposed dick. But it was over. Then I felt a heavy stream of hot urine splatter me. A first for me. You can't imagine how instantly that gave me a boner. It even smelled good! He emptied his bladder on every square inch of my body. I could do this every day of my life. "Wow. That almost made me cum! I loved it." He chuckled. "Yeah. I noticed." I rinsed off and met him back in bed. Of course I went straight for his bare soles and gave him the best foot rub of his life. His feet were nice but the heels were very hard and calloused. Working man's feet. "Are you a runner? A jogger." "Yeah. Can you tell just from how bad my feet are?" "No. They're great. I should probably start too. Where do you run?" "Georgia Park. It's nice. I guess prostitutes have been killed there a lot lately, but I've never seen anything bad. Even at might." An idea was forming in my head. The sex part of the session was over and we just talked even though neither of us had cum. Sometimes you just don't have to. When I got home, I had messages from Ronnie and Rick. Later. I immediately called Roger again. Most times I just wanted day or two of no communication before talking to the guy again. "Hello?" "Hey! It's Brian. I just wanted to say again how much I liked meeting you." "Great. Me too! It's still early - want to go back to The Tent?" "Nah. I need to get some work done now, but I'd like to invite you over to my place tomorrow night. I'll give you the address. Got a pen?" "Cool. Want me to bring something?" "Sort of. I was thinking you could jog here and let me clean the sweat off of you with my tongue. Head to toe." "Oh....OH! Yeahhhh! What time?" "Whenever. Maybe after rush hour is over. Like around 7? I can make dinner for you as well." "Deal! I'll call just before I head out." "See you then." This was a first. I tried to never bring sex partners here. Even Rick had only been here twice. And I'd never ever made dinner for anybody. I just liked the idea. I had a dream about him that night. By the next evening, I'd straightened the place up a little but not too much. I'd picked out some CDs I could play. I'd gotten everything ready to make BLTs. Is there even one person on Earth who doesn't like a good BLT?? He arrived a little early, wearing sweats and a dark green windbreaker. He was glowing from the run. Nice. "It's warmer outside tonight, but I wore the jacket so I'd sweat a little more for you." Wicked smile. How do you make small talk with a sweaty guy you're about to worship with your mouth? "Want me to hang up your windbreaker?" "Nah. I'll keep it on until later. This is a nice place. What is it you do again?" "I'm a consultant and do various business work for other companies." "Cool. Can you show me around?" There really wasn't much more to see except the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom. Well, you know where this is going. He immediately plopped down on my bed. I liked that he did it without being invited to. "Nice mattress. Can I move in?" "It's new. But not as big as yours." "Here I am, Brian. Get busy." I just loved how there wasn't one shy, retiring thing about him. I peeled off his big sweaty Reeboks first. The odor hit me and it was sexy as fuck. The socks were warm and damp. He thrust his hips up so I could get his sweatpants down. No underwear. His fat dick was engorged but not completely hard yet. I loved the aroma of fresh sweat, but the taste was even better. Salty and manly. Better than bacon even. He was fully erect now and putting his hands behind his head. I got the message. I worked each pit with pure passion. I tasted and inhaled everything. EVERYTHING! I got him sopping wet everywhere with my saliva. He couldn't help but jack off right there. "Fuck! I'm gonna shoot!" I covered the head with my mouth and he let go right away. I tasted everything. I don't think I'd ever be the same after this. Roger was the kind of freak I'd been looking for. I wanted to do it all over again."Thanks, Babe. Are you hungry yet?" "Oh yeah. Definitely. Nobody's ever made dinner for me before." "Don't get too excited. I was just going to make BLTs." "Awesome. Want me to get dressed or stay naked?" "You decide. Just be comfortable." He wore the sweatpants and nothing else and walked to the kitchen. He wanted to watch me cook and make idle chat. I got completely dressed (bacon splatter) but didn't bother with the cool apron Ronnie gave me for Christmas. Roger was a real guy and would probably smirk if I wore some goddamn apron. He sat at my kitchen table with his legs crossed and a bare sole facing me. See what I mean? Guys found my sex weakness and used it to practically paralyze me with lust. We ate happily even though he thought it was weird that I didn't have a TV in my kitchen. We had a few more nights like that. I happened to mention I wanted to be raped. Mistake. "You don't mean that. It's one thing to say when you're all horny...but it's a horrible, unsexy thing when it happens to you. No pleasure whatsoever." Whoa. I'd stepped on a landmine somehow. Was he molested as a kid? Had a bad experience? It was the beginning of the end for us as a couple. It wasn't just the rape talk. He basically admitted he was a big whore and couldn't be tied down to just one guy. It was probably for the best. I was still hung up on Ted --who only existed as a painful memory now. And there was Rick now. He'd gone through some dark days since the diagnosis. I was on call for him at all times. the black cowboy, the guy who didn't speak English, a bunch of guys from the personal ads, the chiropractor who was as former monk, the random dudes from Pals I was being a whore myself. I'll just skip them and get to the best part of this story..... 10. TED AT LAST I was having another business lunch with Lester. A liquid lunch of course. The stage and the lighting were all finished. I was trying to convince him we should have drag queens once a week. "The crowds would increase. People love them gals and drink like crazy when they perform." "I don't have the space here for more dressing rooms. I already put in a nice one for your stripper boyfriend and he didn't really in bring much of a crowd. No. This ain't no drag bar, Brian. Now let's talk about the cocktail napkins you wanted." "Dudes write their phone numbers on those. They're not expensive." "Neither are the ones I can get from Sam's Club. I'm open to your matchbook idea, though. We might as well do it before they put in a smoking ban for the whole damn city. But you have to pay for those yourself. You owe me me that much." "How do you figure, Lester? We can't keep enough T-shirts in stock these days. I see them everywhere I go.I'm the reason this place is making you a profit." "I did you a big favor, kid. Well...Sammy helped. Buy the matchbooks and take on extra grand for all this construction, Deal?" "What 'favor', Lester? Are you just drunk-talking now?" "This is where trust comes in. You write me a check now and come back at 9 tonight. It just might be the best night of your life." What? Was I going to get a plaque or something? I was too curious not to agree. I was making more money off of this investment than I'd ever hoped I would. My dad would be proud if I'd bothered to talk with him....like ever. I wonder if I'd remembered to give my parents the new phone number I got s few weeks ago (I was getting calls from that Shri guy at all hours for awhile). I haven't spoken to either of my parents for a long time. I needed to let go of my anger and resentment at them, The last time I'd had an appointment with Deb, I had asked her some real direct questions about how to just forgive them and move on. Her advice was so fucking weird that I knew my time with her was about to expire. "Some souls are in too big a hurry to get born. They cut in line, so to speak. As a result - they end up in the wrong families. I can grieve about that with you when you're ready." "What about the whole bug-chasing fetish I have," "I have a friend who's a psychic (of course she did) and we discussed this phenomena we're seeing more and more. Your generation was coming of age just when the disease hit with full fury. You were force-fed too much scary information at too young an age. We all eventually 'chase' what scares us. It's quite human." That almost made some sense. "And my thing with rape? Feet?" "I read a study once that claimed those things might start in the womb. When you're just an embryo, you're all curled up like a little tadpole. Your brain and feet are practically touching during critical stages of development. It's more common in men than women. I also think it's part of your desire to be dominated." "Yeah. I remember you saying something about that came from having a bad relationship with my father. But it wasn't so much 'bad' as it was 'nonexistent'." "Same thing, Brian." Really? Hmm. It might have been the most enlightening discussion we'd ever had. But it was getting close to 7 and I needed to get go ready for Pals and Lester's big surprise. I doubted it would be worth the two grand I'd just put into his business this afternoon. How could it? I wore my Pals t-shirt with vintage varsity jacket that Ronnie had held for me at her shop. Some jock from the 70's had obviously excelled at every sport that existed because the big white 'B' patch had every little medal pinned to to it. Business had picked up, but it was still a little early for a Friday night. Sammy and Lester were sitting at the bar having a conversation...a conversation that immediately stopped when I approached. "What's up, guys?" A few secret smiles were shared. I was not so much excited as I was curious about what was supposed to be 'the best night of my life'. "Oh not much. We were just talking about the new bouncer we hired. He doesn't come in until 9." "I thought we were going to do the interviews for that together. It's a good for me to help screen applicants...especially since it was my idea in the first place." "Remember what I told you about trust, Kid." Fine I was still a little pissed off, but Sammy smoothed things over by pouring us some shots. Lester drained his and left. ''You'll like him. Big ol' fucker that has some security experience. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him." Well I guess it sounded good, but not terribly thrilling. Lester was a bullshitter, but Sammy had always been level with me. So far. "Cool." "Well -- I can show you one of the surprises now." We just got these in this morning. He hefted a big box onto the bar. New sweatshirts and long-sleeved t-shirts. All black except the logo was a tad smaller and done in white instead of pink. Lester thinks we can sell the sweatshirts for 25 bucks and the t's for 20. He paid for these himself and is having the display shelves constructed as we speak. "The markup is a little steep, but we'll give it a shot. We might have to reduce the price if they don't move." "Cheer the fuck up, Brian! You can take as many as you want. Hand a few of them out to any hot men you might meet." "Yeah, Great, I think I need a sex break for now. Get me a Bud Light, would ya?" "Giving celibacy a try, huh? I give it less than 24 hours. It's just a feeling I have." Whatever. Lately, I was feeling burnt out by hook-ups. And shamed. I'd even stopped writing them down. Sammy kept staring toward the door. I thought he'd see every hunk that walked in and then tempt me to hook up with somebody. "You need to get out of this mood. You're no fun anymore." "Gee, thanks." The beer was extra cold these days because I'd convinced Lester to upgrade the refrigeration system and replace the taps. Sales had improved by more than 20% and I figured we'd recoup the money by the end of the year...especially if we had a really hot Summer. "Oh look! The new bouncer/doorman is here. H'e's early. That's a good sign, right?" I spun the stool around. And there was Ted! In real life. For real. "Oh my God!" "Surprise!" He looked a little different than I remember.Put on some more weight, shaved off the beard but kept the mustache. He also seemed a little unwell somehow. But still awesome all the same. Would he remember me at all? I guess he did because his face lit up with a smile. Sammy handed me a shot of tequila to take to him. "Brian! It's really you! Wow! You look exactly the same.." "Great to see you again, Ted! You start working tonight, huh? Have a shot!" "Thanks! I'm a little early because I wanted to get a lay of the land. I forgot how small it was." "How did you land the gig, man?" "I was here and the bartender, that Sammy guy just offered me the job our of nowhere. I'm getting paid in cash which is a major perk. I actually came here looking for you!" He blushed a little. "What? No way!" "Yeah! I asked around and finally met somebody who thought you worked here. Or owned it or something." "I've been searching for you too. I don't really own this place -- just an investor. And - wow! It's really you!" "Yep! I was afraid you weren't interested after you never called me. I don't blame you -- I was in a bad place that night and probably made a bad first impression." "No. No -- I was instantly excited but I lost the number. Must have thrown it out by mistake. I'm kind of careless sometimes. But I remember every word, memorized it." It wasn't a total lie - it really had been a mistake to ever 'lose' that number. His smile got even brighter. I've still got 30 minutes before I start. Want to sit for a little?" "Yeah. Yeah. Definitely," Sammy gave us more free shots and kept lurking nearby with a smirk on his face. "OK. That's my limit. I'm starting work now and am not even supposed to mix alcohol with some of the meds I'm on." "Oh. OK." I figured there'd be plenty of time for him to tell me things if he wanted to. Sammy looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Brian? Can you help me with something in the back for a second?" "I'll watch the till," Ted offered. I'm still in shock that THE Ted was here. We got to the back where a new computer was still in the box. Lester had wanted one but I was dreading having to explain to him how to use it. "You seem to be really happy all the sudden!" "I don't know how to thank you, Sammy! I owe you big time!" "Here. Help me with these." There were two new bar chairs there. Nice ones. These are sturdier than our regular ones and had nice padding. "One for the doorman and one for me." My ass is too old for the my other chair and I figured your boyfriend would appreciate how strong they are. I can sneak the cost into the books somehow without Lester noticing, but it might be easier if you just paid for them." "No problem." "He seems cool -- not really my type, but he's nice. Even offered to bring his own flashlight, but I got him this new, heavy-duty one. Now this I can charge to Lester. Just help me carry everything out." We did. "Brian - go get Ted set up by the door. It's getting crowded and I need to get back behind the bar." I got him situated by the door. "Fancy! Thanks." "We need to get you a table here - but a new one is being built right now. Anything else you need?" "Just some water if you don't mind." I went a fetched him a a little bottle of the cold spring water I'd talked Lester into buying for the designated drivers. Of course it was the cheapest brand they carried at Sam's Club. "Wow. You treat employees very well here." He should have kept the beard. "So what else is going on with you, Ted?" He promised to fill me in on everything later. It was getting busy and he was now on the clock. I'd bring some XXXL shirts when he wasn't too swamped. Sammy motioned for me to come help out behind the bar. I'd become good at tending bar lately. It was sort of fun. If it was some drink I'd never made before, I turned the order over to Sammy and learn how he made it. I'd sometimes get really good tips which I always just gave to Sammy. Always got a few phone numbers that I kept as souvenirs. ..unless Sammy wanted one in particular. The best thing about doing this work was how fast the time would go by. It stayed busy until about 2 AM when we arrived at what was known as "after party" time. People paired off and left. By now it was just a handful of very drunk regulars. "Thanks for helping me, Brian." I couldn't believe how late it was already. "Why don't you and Ted go ahead leave early. This chair is so nice. You guys both did a good job and I can lock up pretty soon." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Give him this envelope. I added a bonus. Do you know he caught three fake I.D.s from stupid kids. I think he collects them." "That many? Wow. It's a wonder he haven't been busted before." "No kidding. Now get out of here and go have fun." wink "Hold on a second" I picked up a pen and drew a little happy face on it...and then added a few little hearts. Sammy rolled his eyes as I went to deliver it. "Hey Brian! Is it time to go?" "For us it is." He looked at my silly little drawing on the back. "You remembered! But this is too much money." "You earned a bonus. Thanks for doing such a great job...I hear you nailed some little lawbreakers tonight." "It's not so hard to spot fakes after you've done this for awhile. Out of state I.D. s are the first giveaway. Some little punk comes in with a driver's licence from Alaska and I'm ultra careful. They've gotten better with computers and stuff now, but I always catch them." Always. Hey -- can you give me a ride home?" yes yes yes yes! "My car eventually gave up and I walked here. I walk everywhere. It's not too far, but my back is killing me right now." "No problem. I'm close too, but I drove tonight. Let's go!" As we walked out to the parking lot, I saw Roger making out with some guy near the entrance. I shuddered at the thought of him. What a waste of time and hormones. "Thanks, man. I'm not really afraid of this neighborhood. but there's more meth now than before. Have you noticed?" "No. I don't even know what that looks like." "You'll learn to recognize it soon enough. They all look like walking,talking, nervous corpses. And are just weird, ya know? They never drink alcohol that I've noticed. They leave the room all the time and come back a few minutes later. And their teeth tend to be pretty bad. Never ever touch that shit." "Don't worry, Ted. I've been trying to convince the owner to provide health benefits, but you'd have to be on the payroll. Why did you want to be paid in cash?" "Long story. I'll tell you on the drive back to my place." OK. Which way do I go?" "Just drive South on Luther and make a left at the second light." "Okay." Not a really great area. Worse than Rick's neighborhood even. "So the deal is...I'm not technically allowed to have a job because I'm on disability." uh oh "It's hard to get by on what they give, but I couldn't survive without it. Not bad healthcare either. I'm just trying to stay in their good graces." "What's wrong?" I had an idea. "Mental stuff, mostly. I sort of had a breakdown not long after we first met. I was so, so bummed out. But I finally met somebody, and I was certain it would work out and 'cure' me. It was so nice. We went to Disneyland together and did some fun stuff. But then he dumped me. That sent me right over the edge. I had to be hospitalized after a suicide attempt. They decided I was possibly schizophrenic and just had some screwed-up wiring . I was even having hallucinations. Little creatures on the floor You aren't suppose to drink when taking the pills for that. I don't even enjoy it anymore. Not like I used to. I still smoke cigarettes and sometimes cigars - but that's it. I have other health stuff going on, but we can talk about that later. Not now, OK?" "Sure. Is this the right street?" "Yeah -- It's the big white house with the blue porch light. Just pull up to the curb.There's no driveway." "Nice. Do you have roommates?" "Yeah - I was going to tell you about that. I used to have three. but now I just have one. Dan. I have this unique ability to drive people away. Dan I were the best of friends for many years. but he's a mess now. I hardly see him at all now. He stays in his room and talks in chat rooms all the time. He does poppers constantly and I swear the air in there is flammable. He had a bulldog who died. I'm convinced it was because of the fumes." "Gross. I hate that smell." "The good thing is I have the whole upstairs to myself. The bad thing is that it costs me more and I'm barely getting by. The landlord is a good guy and works with me on the rent." "Wow. I doubt you drive people away, though. I've been searching for you for years now." "Wow? Really? You are so sweet! There's more to tell you. Want to come in for some coffee or something." yes yes yes yes "Absolutely." "I'm sure he's awake, but he won't come out of his room. I think he pisses in a plastic jug or something." It wasn't so bad inside, but you could definitely smell the amyl nitrate. God, I hated that shit. You could practically see that smell in the air. We climbed the creaky wooden stairs. They made a haunted house sound under us. His own private living space was a little room with a ratty couch, an old TV and a coffee table littered with overflowing ashtrays, magazines, trash and matchbooks. I had to wonder if there phone numbers on the back of them. Probably, but I had to respect his privacy. It was hard, though. Speaking of 'hard' -- I already was. Just being near him again was all I'd wanted for so, SO long. "So -- you want me to turn the TV. There's not much on right now." "Whatever you'd normally watch is fine, Ted." He found one of those courtroom shows -- like 'Judge Judy' only not as famous. I'd guess there were about a thousand versions by now. I never watched that shit. "Want a cigarette? A cigar? I wasn't about to light up in your car." "I'll take a regular smoke. You are the only person I'd let smoke in my car. Never hesitate again. Just do it." He looked at me a new way. "Go downstairs and make us some coffee. Cups are above the coffee-maker. You know how to make coffee, right?" "I can figure it out. I never drink coffee -- got any beer?" "Yeah -- There's some cheap stuff Dan bought in the fridge. Take what you want. He'll never miss it." It was almost 3 AM as I crept down those noisy stairs. The smell of poppers was so strong down here. Ugh. The kitchen was easy enough to find. It was much neater and cleaner than you might think. I made the coffee and helped myself to some brand of beer I'd never heard of. It was mostly terrible, but cold enough. Beer is beer after all. I finished making the coffee and had forgotten to ask if he wanted sugar in it. My guess is he did. I put just a little in. I climbed back up the stairs with both beverages. Ted had slipped off his jeans and sat with his socked feet up on the coffee table. How did guys always know?? I almost tripped on his discarded boots, but didn't spill a drop of either drink. "Good boy!" Oh! I liked that! I was already his 'boy'. What a perfect night! "Is it just my imagination or have your boots gotten even bigger since I first met you back at Ledge?" "I remember you noticing them. Is that your thing? That's a whole other story. Take off my socks." yes yes yes yes There was a smell that hit me. The best smell ever. Almost sweet. His toes were all bent up like a clenched fist. Hammer toes...what they're called. They can be inherited or caused by vigorous walking, stressful activity. "You have amazing feet, Ted." "See the toes?" "Yeah - they're all bent. Does that run in your family?" "Nope. All my fault. I used to wear size 13's because I thought that was the biggest boot made. My doctor traced my bare foot on a piece of paper and then made a trace of my boot. I'd been wearing too small a shoe for years. I'm actually a size 15. You have to go to one of those big guy stores...or order them online." I wanted that piece of paper...but it would it too weird to ask just then. I was determined to make this work and not screw things up. "Does it hurt now?" "Lots of things hurt these days. Tall, heavy guys always ache somewhere...knees, feet, back. You name it - its either been in pain or hurts right now." "Dang." The regular programming on TV had switched over to infomercials. "Wow. It's late. I'm beat. How 'bout you?" "Very. Long day, long night.Do you work again tonight?" "Yep. I think I'm really going to like this gig." "I can come pick you up if you want." "Thanks! Yes! Drop by around 8 if you can. We can hang out a little while first." "How about 7? I'll take you out for some dinner first?" "Wow. Great!" I finally had Ted back in my life...I was going to treat him like a king. I mean, how many second chances do you get in life? "See you then." I normally hated still being out this late/early. It's a weird time when it's still dark, but birds have started to sing out here and there. There was a morning feel in the air. Ugh. I'd have stuff to do tomorrow and it was already tomorrow. 11. OFF TO A ROCKY START WITH TED I could tell my machine was full of messages, but I just needed some sleep just now. I didn't even wake up until after noon...after a really nice, contented sleep. I'm sure there was a smile on my face the whole time. Most of the messages were from Rick. He'd been doing better lately and staying busy. It was nice to hear him somewhat happy again. "You're never home anymore ... it's okay. I've been getting some new work recently. I'm building a display case for that bar you like - that Pals place. That old man who owns it is a flake. Do you know him? Well, I need to get some stuff from the hardware store now. Call me." I'll be damned. This could get real awkward fast. I'd finally found my perfect man and at the same time, put Rick's entire support system in peril. Karma gives and takes in equal measure. Why couldn't it just give for, like, a full month just once? Ronnie wasn't entirely happy about the latest twist in my romantic life. I think she was happy that I was happy, but.... "Wait - Doesn't this guy have HIV?" "I don't know that for sure, Hon. He's put on a bunch of weight....so that's a good sign. Right?" "Well...just be careful." She really didn't know much about what a "chaser" I'd become. Not a successful one so far, but it make her upset if I confessed that. If I was going to get the bug eventually, I wanted to contract it from Ted. Ted only. I was much too smart to go into anything without thinking it through. I still thought so highly of my brain back then. I got a lot of work that day...stuff that needed to get done. I wanted 7 o'clock to get here so badly. My spirits were high. I played all my favorite CD's and wanted to dance, dance, dance! I deserved this feeling. I called Rick because it had to be done and I was ready to cross that off my list today. "Hey, Brian!" Caller I.D. was so common now. Phone calls had lost what little bit of magic they'd had when I was younger. "Hey. What's up?" "I'm smoking a bowl and celebrating the cash I just made. Delivered this table and display case I just finished. Got paid in cash. Is that business on the up and up? They paid me in cash when I stripped there a few times. Why haven't they asked me to do it again? " "It's like you said - the owner is a flake." I'd bring him a few shirts later. He loved free stuff. I couldn't help it, I had to call Ted. I copied his number down about twenty different times. I'd never lose touch with him again. "Hello?" No caller I.D. at his place I guess. "Hi, Ted. It's Brian. How are you?" "Great! Did you get some rest?" "Oh yeah. I was wondering if we could meet up a little earlier tonight. Or now?" "That's what I like to hear! How about 6? I got the plumber here now and I don't know when he'll be done. Toilet clogged again. Thank God for this new cash. I appreciate this new job so much -- I get the feeling you had something to do with me landing it." "Only in a secondhand way." "So -- is 6 good then?" "You bet. See you then!" I hung up and beamed blissfully. What would I wear? It didn't feel right to go too dressy. Ted was so casual. It was the back end of the nineties and dress codes didn't really exist in businesses these day. I put on my new Pals sweatshirt because Spring just get going this year. I wanted to grab Ted and go live with him somewhere tropical. It was only 4 PM and I was ready to go. Oh hell -- I'd just stop in at Pals and drink up some liquid courage, see the new display case and chat with Sammy. I couldn't just sit around anymore. "Hi, Boss!" "I hate when you call me that, Sammy. I'm not Lester. Not even close." The new furniture looked great but nobody had bothered to put all the new stuff on it or even put in evenly against the wall. That would give me something to do. "Did you know the blonde carpenter is the same guy who stripped here that time?" "Really?" (time to play dumb) "Yeah. I've seen that guy around everywhere. He's a hustler. I'm sure of it. Talk about being multi-talented!" "Wait. A hustler? No way." "Well -- I used to see him out with a lot of guys who are who were in their 60's and 70's. Maybe he's just a 'professional companion'." I probably should have guessed that. "Think you'll need my help again tonight?" "Maybe. It comes and goes lately. Can you stick around and talk to your man -- just in case? Did you have fun with him?" My spontaneous grin gave me away. "I see." "Yeah. We're going out for dinner tonight before his shift." Sammy looked so self-satisfied. "Thought I'd have a few drinks first. Give me the shirts and I'll go put them out. Are they going to pay for them at the door or here at the bar?" "Undecided. Lester hasn't quite figured that out yet. What can I bring you?" "Vodka tonic. And maybe some peanuts or something...I don't want to eat too much in front of him." "Such a demure young lady! But it sure looks like he can put the food away pretty well himself, I'll bring the nuts anyway." The crowd wouldn't pick up much tonight...I could always tell somehow. Maybe I could escape with Ted extra early and have some real fun. I hoped. By the time I'd finished my second drink, I decided to not wait any longer. Maybe he'd take my early arrival as a sign of eagerness. It very much was exactly that. "See you later, Brian." I knocked on the door around 5:45 PM. For a second or two, I was afraid the roommate would answer the door. I couldn't even picture him in my mind. But no -- it was Ted, fresh out of the shower and wearing a robe. "Excellent timing, Boy! Come on up and help me figure out what to wear. I didn't know where you wanted to eat...but you're casual tonight so I guess that will help me decide." "Wherever you want. What's your favorite place?" "Not vegetarian or too spicy. There's a decent BBQ place on Pearl Avenue. Not exactly cheap but the food is so good!" I'd take him there every night. He kept allowing the robe to slip open so I could glimpse his furry bush and beautiful pale dick. His legs weren't hairy - which surprised me. Usually guys that were balding had an abundance of body hair. His chest was nearly bare as well. I helped him pick out jeans, a baggy black sweater shirt and socks. "What about the shoes?" "They're all in the corner over there. Not boots. They make my feet hurt and sweat like crazy." I saw the stack of shoe boxes that were all clearly labeled 'US 15'. I found some nice black loafers that probably cost quite a bit. "Good choice. Now come put them on me." I loved how bossy he was being tonight. He sat on the bed as I carefully slipped them on those massive feet. "Good Boy!" I liked that too -- even though it sorta sounded like he was talking to a golden retriever. "Ready?" "I'll tell you when we're ready to go. Do you have a computer, the internet?" "Yeah. I do quite a bit of work on internet stuff for the company I consult for." "Ever chat on there?" "No. It all seems overwhelming now. My building doesn't have wifi yet -- so the connection is slow." "There's DSL. You can always try that." I swear, the only thing more tedious than working at a computer was talking about computers. Still -I wanted Ted to feel as if everything he was saying was fascinating. "I can show you more later. We can chat sometimes. Exchange emails." "Cool." The BBQ joint was't too busy. I think they did a lot of carryout business, but not many people actually sat down inside to eat. We got settled in at a table and I ordered a beer for each of us. "I need to tell you some stuff, Brian..." Here it comes. "Sure, what's up?" "Well, first off - I don't want you to wear that shirt again. The logo is on the left." "Oh? It's over the heart. It wasn't my idea to design it that way in the first place, but I never ...I mean, why?" "It'd be okay if it was on the right, I wouldn't mind. You're a submissive...everything should be oriented to the right. I'm dominant and can get away with those shirts.It might seem odd, but it could symbolize something when we're out together. When I give you my keys to carry, you attach them to a belt loop on your right side. It's just how it is. Got it boy?" "Yes, Sir." Weird He'd almost finished his meal while I had barely touched mine. I needed another beer. When it arrived - he said,"That's another thing. I don't think you should drink so much. Not around me anyway. I mean - just please...I want the only thing to influence you is ME," I'm not going to say this was a bad sign - I just didn't know much about this scene. The boy/sir scene or father/son scene. Whatever it was exactly.For his sake, I'd learn. I would. "OK, Ted. Whatever you say." "Good answer, I don't mean we can't party sometimes, but it needs to be my decision." I was a stubborn, self-involved asshole - but I could adapt. Probably. I guess I looked on the verge of a pout. "OK. Look -- Let's go to Pals now and have a few shots. You can have a beer and hang out with Sammy before I start. Just stop when I tell you to. Deal? Sure. Fine. I couldn't screw this up. It was busier than I'd expected.Maybe it was just a brief rush. It happened sometimes. "Well looky here - its the new happy couple. We sat at the bar and bullshitted with Sammy. As much as I wanted to continue to hear more about Ted's rules and regulations, he was pretty much in professional mode now. While Sammy was always jovial and fun when he was working. Ted handed me his untouched shots and left to go man his post. "Let him have a mini pitcher of beer, Sammy and then he's cut off." "What's that about, Brian? Are you his 'boy' already?" "Yeah, I guess. He's got a bunch of rules. Do you know about this whole right/left thing?" "Wow. That's old-school. I thought that went the way of color-coded hankies. But yeah - if he's the top, you pretty much have to wear all your stuff on your right. Does he want to tie you up and stuff?" "No. Not so far. He wants me to moderate my drinking, though." "Man - I'd dump him for that shit.You may be his boy, but you're still an adult. You look good in the new sweatshirt." "Logo's on the left. Bummer." He shook his head, "Uh oh -- it looks like we're in for another busy night. Can you come back here and help?" "Sure," "You can sneak some cocktails. He'll never see." "Deal! We need to hire a new bartender pretty soon, though." "Lester thinks we already found one in you." Whatever. No. I'd be a temp, at most, but I couldn't handle long shifts too often. Marcus says they're interested in bringing me back with a huge promotion and salary bump. I'd be above even where Jana was at before she left. Besides, it might not be a bad idea to not work alongside Ted too frequently. The crowd built up to a standing-room only size. Ted was busy being a bad-ass at the door as Sammy sneaking me shots that I placed out of view below the bar, near the lime wedges and olives. After a few hours, I decided to stop before I got too noticeably buzzed. Weirdly, the crowd didn't seem to thin out until closing time. I guess the recent start of daylight savings time had made it seem earlier than it really was. Ted was very good at herding them out swiftly after last call. Absolutely no one wanted to mess with him. He went out to scan the parking lot and shoo away the stragglers and guys busy getting it on with each other before even getting inside a car. "The cleaning crew van is already here, guys." "Damn -- I keep forgetting what days they come." Sammy throws his bar rag on the counter and goes to lock up the back. Ted grabs my hand and pulls me outside. Was he pissed off? "Well, you broke the rules, Boy." uh oh "Huh? How?" "I saw you drink. I'm not happy." Shit. I opened the passenger door for him and then slowly walked around to my side. I could tell that this short drive was going to last a long time. "Look...I'm an adult, Ted. I've been single a long time and I'm used to being independent. This may take some adjustment." "Watch your tone. We'll discuss things when we get home. You can drive okay, right?" I decided not saying anything was better than trying to explain myself any further. I knew things were not good when he just got out of the car and slammed the door. I could drive home right now, but I followed him up to the porch instead, I had to see this through. It might get better. We got up to his little upstairs living room and he closed the door behind us. The fact that he didn't slam it was a relief. He plopped down on the ratty couch. "What are we going to do about this, boy?" "You could beat the shit out of me." I kind of liked the idea of his getting all crazy and sexy violent with me. "Yeah - I could spank your bare ass and punish you like the bad boy you are. Oh hell...just come sit down next to me for now." He turned the TV on stretched back in pretty much the same position he had the previous night. "I think I sprung all this on you too fast and didn't give you a chance to be an equal partner in this. Maybe I drove away the last guy by being too rigid. Even submissive men are still men in the end. It would kill me to lose you just by not being flexible enough. All I ask is that we try some give and take for now. I want you to have a say in where we go from here. Deal?" We then proceeded to kiss and work each other up into a horny frenzy, "Can I blow you, Ted? Suck your cock?" "Not going to say 'no' to that, Brian!" He fished a semi-hard cock out of his underwear and let me just take it in my mouth. "Ahh! That's it. Go down as far as you can...Yeahh! Here - let me stand up. It'll be easier if you get down on your knees...DAMN! You took it all! Good Boy! You've got talent!" He'd later tell me I was the first guy to ever deep throat him completely. It wasn't terribly difficult because the shaft of his cock was thin enough to not block off my air passages. The knob at the tip was nice and bulky which made his entire penis resemble a magic wand..,or some weird kind of light bulb. I put my hands on his ass cheeks and urged him on. He thrust and humped my face for two or three minutes before starting to hesitate. "We better stop. I'm gonna cum. No...stop!" I couldn't, wouldn't. I held his butt even tighter as he gasped and shot his load down my windpipe. "GodDAMN!" He withdrew his slick, slimy tool from my mouth and panted. I felt a few drops of his sweat hit the top of my head like holy rain. I'd spontaneously came in my underwear - the first time that had ever happened. "Thanks, Ted." We heaved ourselves back up on the couch. "I wish you hadn't done that. I have HIV." Of course I didn't choose that particular moment to mention the countless times I'd swallowed Rick's poz loads. "It was unsafe, Brian" "Life is unsafe." He considered my words and seemed to relax a little. "Want to gargle with some Listerine?" "Nah. I'm good." "So you'd figured out my status already?" "I maybe suspected it, but didn't know for sure." "I see." He put an arm around me as we watched some B movie from the 80's about horny teens working at a beach resort. "I'm probably going to be spending less and less time at Pals before too long. My old company wants me back and they're offering some serious bank to get me." "Wow. That's good for many reasons... I mean, it's probably better that we won't be working together so much. That can be a problem sometimes." "I've got even better news...you get tomorrow off! We're going to spend the whole day out doing stuff, fun stuff." "Like what?" "That's a surprise...one of many surprises." "Wow. Can't wait!" "Good. So get some sleep and I'll pick you up for lunch around 12:30." "Ahh....so you're not spending the night?" "Not tonight, Sir. We'll have many more chances to do that." He saw me to the front door and we had a perfect goodnight kiss. I still missed the beard, but then again, I never could never be entirely happy with what I had. Still, my heart was thumping so deeply and I drove home on a cloud. 12. MY HONEYMOON WITH TED I'm not even really sure how much sleep I got when I woke up at 10:30 AM, but I practically jumped out of bed and started getting ready. I bet Ted wasn't as excited as I was. I kept adding things to the list of what I wanted to do today. And no, not all of them were sexual. I picked him up right on time and then we went to lunch at a retro style dinner that was popular with almost all iypes. You saw a few pairs of guys who had only just met the night before. They were easy to spot. It was a fun, casual meal. "Where to next, Brian?" "We're going to get you a car!" "What? No. You can't...I can't..." "I'm just helping you out...like a good friend would. It's going to be scorching hot this Summer and I can't have you walking everywhere then - or when it's freezing cold. I'll be working regular hours pretty soon and can't give you rides as often as you'll need them." He kept trying to think of reasons why I couldn't possibly do this, but I took him to a Ford lot that Ronnie's brother worked at. She promised they had good used cars and 'Curtis' would give me a very good deal. We got there and I was impressed with the selection -- they looked new to me. Like all men, Ted got a child-like look of glee on his face just looking at cars. he spent a good two hours just browsing and asking Curtis every single question he could think of. I was losing interest and my legs were getting tired. I excused myself to go get a Coke and rest in the waiting room. "I'll let you guys keep looking while I go take a load off. Take your time." They barely heard me. I went through two cans of Diet Coke and three innings of some televised baseball game before they finally came back. Ted decided on a 1992 Ford Bronco that wasn't quite the color he wanted, but it was perfect otherwise. Curtis and I went to his office to get the financing taken care of. He indeed gave me a very great deal and even arranged it so the payments would be made by me, but the title would be under his name. Ted was in the waiting room looked a little sunburned but very very happy. "It's ready to drive off the lot! Can you leave your car here?" "I'm sure that would be fine. Let's go!" He was thrilled, so excited. I was too, I may not be able to ever be his 'boy', but I would grow to love taking care of him. The interior was showroom perfect and even smelled new despite being seven years old. "Where to now?" "Just up ahead on Market Street. In the hipster district." He wasn't familiar with it even though he'd lived in the city way longer than I had. We were going to a funky fossil/mineral/custom jewelry shop called "Village Forge". I loved how confused Ted was as to why we were here. I led him to the jewelry counter where a punk girl who must have shared makeup tips with Ronnie greeted us. I urged him forward and said "Yes, I would like to get this man's finger measured for a ring." I don't think Ted knew what to think, do or say. She urged him to have a seat as she got out her sizing rings. I wondered if he thought he should be expecting an engagement ring or something. It was phase one of an idea I first got while watching an old Bette Davis movie with Ronnie (who thought she was Bette Davis at times) about a year ago. She was portraying Elizabeth the 1st and there was a scene where a general or something knelt down and kissed her ring. I remember thinking I'd love to show that kind of respect and devotion to a man - Ted, specifically. All would be revealed to him after the ring was finished. I'd already picked out the stone -- black tourmaline. I had a sketch of the cut and shape I wanted, When he was done getting sized, I sent him to go look around while I talked to the young lady. I showed her my sketch and we worked on a price. It was going to be great! She said I could pick it up in three weeks which seemed like forever from now. As we walked out of the store Ted asked, "So were you picking out an engagement ring for me? So soon?" "Not exactly. It's more like a gift. ,,something I've wanted to give you." "You're spoiling me so bad!" "Let's go get a drink to toast your new wheels. We can get get some appetizers there instead of eating any of that snack bar junk at the theater." "Cool. What are we going to see?" "That's up to you - there's a multiplex over on Grand and they show like eight different movies. " We ended up at a little bar and grill called Cashews where Ted had been once before and had some amazing onion rings. We shared a pitcher and a some onion rings and sliders. He wanted to talk more about his truck and how grateful he was, and he had more questions about the ring. How do you explain something like that? We ended up skipping the movie and going directly back to my place where he took off his shoes immediately. We each took turns removing articles of clothing...it was the kind of slow seduction I'd never experienced before. He wasn't all that thrilled with his body. but I loved every inch of it - some inches more than others.... He was lying spread-eagle on top of my bed...waiting. I gave his feet only a minute or two of attention before diving right for his magic wand. He still wasn't sure if he loved my nickname for his dong, but hadn't thought of anything better so.... I was becoming a magic wand expert and could get his big balls to tighten up with a few distinct moves I'd tried out. I kept a mental file of the things that made him the most vocal. Flick your tongue in and out like a hyper snake at the base of the dick and it feels amazing to the receiver. I would have been fine just taking another load in my mouth but Ted asked if he could fuck me. "Hell yeah!" "Got condoms?" "Nope. Just go in raw, Sir!" "You know we can't do that," he said sadly, with his dick still hovering close to my hole. "I'll just beat off." "No. Just go in a little bit and pull out after a minute." "I can't take that chance, Brian. Let's just chill out and be smart now." "Hold on -- let me go check in the bathroom cabinet and see if I can find a spare rubber." He was already losing his boner. Damn! I hurried off the bed and went into the bathroom. I got down and looked in the cabinet beneath the sink. There was my brand new box of condoms which I'd never opened. I found the lube and decided to bring that back to the bedroom. Maybe I could still -- a then a splatter of hot urine hit the back of my neck while I was still kneeling down. I turned around and Ted was standing there huge, naked, peeing on me. It might have been the most beautiful, most erotic visual of my life. Sadly, he didn't have a full bladder, I barely touched my cock and instantly had an intense orgasm. I crawled over and cleaned the remaining drops from his soft head. "Go hop in the shower, clean up and come back to bed." Later that night, as we were wrapped in each other's arms (my bed seemed so small with him in it) we sleepily talked a little. "Thank you for giving me a wonderful day, Brian." "Thank you for letting me give it to you." From then on, we shared our passion for water sports as often as possible. I had to give him credit for how creative he could be with it. I loved watching just going to restrooms with him so I could hold his shaft while he stood at a urinal. I actually just loved watching him go. He had this unique pee slit that was centered higher than most men's were. It gave him incredibly precise aim. He let me drink right from the tap many times even though he was a little worried about all the medications he was taking getting absorbed into my own body. I was never aware of anything unusual happening afterward. One of the most memorable occasions in our early dating days was the night we went to a sleazy bar that catered to every kind of freak out there. It had been very popular before Section opened and was now just another dying tavern. It was one of those rare nights when he didn't complain about me drinking as many beers as I wanted. He even had more than his usual number of drinks. At least place has a decent selection of classic old video games like Galaga and Ms PacMan. He'd stand and watch me rack up high scores. What I hadn't realized was that he was discretely peeing into my open beers while I wasn't looking. I eventually caught on, but didn't say anything. I don't think he ever did it again after that night but I always hoped he would. 13. TED'S RING I'd started my regular job again and almost immediately regretted the decision to come back. I was on a new floor where I didn't really know anybody now that Jana was gone. One thing anyone who's worked for a big company can tell you: the higher you climb the ladder, the less you get to do what you were hired to do in the first place. You don't get a chance to do what you're good at because you're always in meetings. Meeting after meeting after meeting. I hated being there, but tried not to bring it home to Ted. Tried. I was living at his place about half the time, but he didn't stay at mine often because of the cigar smell I just couldn't tolerate no matter how much I tried to like it. When Ted's ring was finally ready I took the rest of the day off. One of the advantages pf my new position was that I could just leave and people would just assume I was in a meeting or sitting in on a conference call somewhere. I had them put it in a proper velvet box and drove straight to his house. He was happy and surprised to see me. He'd never seen me in my business attire before. "Hey! You look like a grownup! Playin' hooky?" "Sort of. Want to take a little walk?" It was a beautiful April afternoon and the air smelled green and full of life. We strolled a few blocks to a small park that was informally called 'Rose Park' because its many rose bushes would bloom like crazy during the Summer. There was a nice pond with a fountain in the middle of it. There used to be swans until they started attacking people. "So, you really got me curious...what's up?" I stopped at a particularly scenic spot and I handed him the box. "Whoa! What.." He looked very happy, but confused and possibly a little scared. "Oh, I'd already forgotten about the ring." He opened it up and put the ring on his left ring finger. I'd meant for it to go on on his index finger, but the girl assured me his thick middle three fingers were all about the same ring size. "Fit's perfect! What's the stone?" "Black tourmaline -- it's a semi-precious gem that protects against negative energy and helps heal the mind." I remember this from Deb. I then knelt down and kissed it. He looked at me oddly. I will kiss it each time I see you -- to let you know that I'm aware of being in the presence of royalty. You are my king, Ted." "Wow. Thanks. You should get up now. You'll ruin those nice pants and there are people coming." I stayed down and kissed it again. I didn't want to embarrass him so I got up and we continued to walk. Everything looked extra green, extra beautiful. All those years spent waiting for him, the hopeless searching, those regretful sex adventures -- worth it! SO worth it! I noticed he was walking a little extra faster than usual and I wondered what he had in store for me back in his room... "I've got a surprise for you to, Brian. Well, it's for us." It turns out he'd bought himself a new digital camera and was really jazzed about it. I had one from work but had never had the time to learn how to use it. He took several shots of his new ring and then a few of me in my stupid shirt and tie. "Look like you'll have to get those pants cleaned, Babe." "I've never liked this pair... their too tight and too loose in all the wrong places." An idea blossomed. "Why don't rip them off me? Tear everything off my body and take pictures." He got a wicked smile and grabbed his bulging cock. "Everything? You sure?" Yeah, I was. "Pretend you're really pissed off at me -- get out some of that aggression." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He got into my idea right away, but I didn't expect he'd turn so crazy so fast. "Come over here all dressed-up like you're something special....you're just a little whore who's finally gonna get what he deserves!!" He snapped a shot of my shocked expression. "You think you're so cute -- I can take care of that real fast! You won't think that five minutes from now!" I just had to remember that I'd asked for this. Ted took my tie off in one yank, "Maybe I'll choke you a little with this - or tie up your hands." He ripped my shirt off as buttons went flying everywhere. "I'm gonna wipe my ass with this later." OK. OK. I asked for this. I asked for this. I wasn't hard at all. He kept taking pictures. picture after fucking picture. "Take the pants off yourself. I ain't got time for that shit. Wait. Give me that look again. Yeah. You look scared as hell! You should be. Just stand there shaking like a leaf. I love it. He put the camera down at last. He moved in closer for what I thought would be an embrace at least, but he just did it rip my underwear in half with both hands. He was that strong. Back to taking more pictures. "Play with that miserable little midget dick of yours. There you go. Yeah. Get nice and hard." I was getting into the spirit of this now. He got undressed fast and with no flourishes. "Now turn around. Let me see that ass that's about to get ruined. Oh yeah. I've got plans for that." He was fully erect and that made me even more excited. Magic Wand! He took several pics of his own boner before returning the lens back on me. "Don't get lazy on me, bastard. Do something!" My first instinct was to just lie down on the floor - an act of surrender. "Good thinkin', you stupid weak slut." He stood over me and looked like something from a science fiction movie. His boner was super impressive from this vantage point. More photos. And then a swift barefooted kick to my rib cage. Goddamn! I saw spinning spots of light. And then one to other side. I squinted in complete pain. (I swear I still see pics from this session show up online sometimes - Tumblr has a way of finding them and repeating them over and over. At least I looked so much younger in them). Ted then sat on the bed and indulged my love of feet by rubbing his all over my face and twisting his toes in my hair. He thought maybe I liked that too much. His next move was to use one giant foot to cover my mouth and press my nose flat. I had no way to get air and started to panic. I grabbed his thick ankle in desperation, boner completely gone. It was everything I desired and nothing I wanted all in one. He took several photos of me struggling before finally letting me breathe. "You're face is gonna be so fucked up tomorrow," he laughed, "and I'm not even done yet" More photos. At last he let me up on the bed. I was sore all over and my contacts were askew. "Don't cry you little bitch." My eyes had only been watering a little, but now I felt like I could actually just start bawling. My inner wiring was breaking down, shooting random sparks from the frayed sections. I was lost. Did you get all your breathing out of the way? Good." He sat bare-assed on my face with his fragrant hole right on my lips. If he'd given me just a little room I would have stuck my tongue up in there, but his full weight was on my face/head. He spread his cheeks and wriggled a little. I think he was trying to get some good shots of this event. I ran out of air again, and slapped at his hips in desperation. "God - you are a fussy little whore tonight. Lost my number, did you? Do you really think I ever believed that bullshit?" Fuck. This could turn out bad. But he finally climbed off of me and laughed cruelly. "Raise your arms up above you. Good. Stay like that." He used my wrinkled tie to bind my wrists together. I remember thinking how lucky I was that he didn't choke me to death with it. "Now just chill while I do some stuff." He left the room and I heard him light a cigarette. Perfect. I wanted one so badly. But I heard him bluster down the stairs. God only knows what he was planning. I had a brief fear that he was bringing that popper-sniffing roommate up here. No. He wouldn't do that. I knew they hated each other. He came back with some gross old kitchen towels, a sofa cushion and a bottle of cheap vodka. He looked at me like I was a sad, broken plaything. "OK, Brian. I'm going to be nice for a few minutes. Don't get too used to it. Here, I'll help you sit up. Need to use the bathroom? Use it now." He untied my hands and let me wobble my way to the bathroom. Could I even go? I just knew I had to avoid glimpsing myself in the mirror. I sat there. A little pee trickled out...and then nothing else. Me and my dick were both confused by all the excitement and fear. A loud knock. "Don't try escaping out the window. It hasn't opened in ten years. Are you done? I'm coming in." He barged in and took another goddamn photo. "Looks like I broke you good." He helped me up. I couldn't believe it -- he'd turned on the fucking TV. I wish I could tell you exactly what was on. Some family comedy or something. Was it over. No. I saw all the props arranged carefully on his nightstand and one of them was a knife!! Oh hell. It was not over by a long ways. "Just relax. I've got the video feature on this camera finally figured out. I'll start after you have some swigs of the alcohol I know you're always craving." He let me handle the bottle on my own and I wasted no time taking quenching sips/gulps. He was filming already. "How's the booze?" "Just fine. Can I have a smoke? Please?" "Oh. You're demanding all the sudden. What a spoiled little slut you are." He was talking for the benefit of the video now. He handed me a lit cigarette. "Oh - Do I have your consent to film you now?" "Yes." "What do you think about being on camera right now?" I took a giant swig of the awful vodka. "Look at him guzzle the hooch, folks." I just wanted to be numb, deadened. Let him be Steve Irwin if he wanted. Or whatever that guy's name was. He was filming a documentary. "And you're fully aware of what's about to happen? About what you're accepting?" No. I wasn't. But whatever. I was spinning. "Yes." "Say it again. Louder." "YES." "So you're agreeable to having sex, anal sex with an HIV positive man with no protection?" "Yes." "Would you say you're too drunk to know what you're agreeing to?" "No. Just drunk enough to admit it." "Explain," "I've been wanting you to bareback me for a long time but you would never do it." He gave me a thumbs up out of camera range. "And you're fully aware of the possible consequences of doing this?" "I am." He stopped filming. "That was very good, Brian." "Yeah...but what the fuck was the interview about?" "My protection. If you start having second thoughts after we're done and want to report me - I'll have some legal protection. One of my buddies from a yahoo group told me how to do it." "Is that why you wouldn't do it before -- because you didn't have a way to film my consent?" "Partly. I also wasn't sure I wanted that kind of responsibility if you became sick. Maybe the ring you gave me was the thing that let me know I could give you this 'gift' and you'd still be with me." I took that opportunity to reach for his hand and kiss the ring again. "Do you want to be on your back? Or on your knees?" "On my back." I said a little too quickly. He chuckled. "That's what I figured. Stand up f or a second and let me arrange stuff." I stood up and he did the most surprising thing: he sucked my dick for about ten seconds. And then he took a long pull off the bottle. "Wow. That's terrible shit." He arranged the towels carefully in the middle of the bed and placed the cushion right above them. He'd brought along a plastic bottle of of lube I hadn't noticed before. He still didn't explain the knife, but I wasn't especially worried now. I took one more gulp of the vodka even though my stomach was already burning. "OK. Get comfortable." He adjusted me a little and let me lie back with a nice pillow under my head. "Want your hands tied up again?" "Yeah. Cool." He picked up my ruined tie and tied them again - a little looser this time. "What about being gagged? Are you cool with that?" He asked in a way that suggested he wanted me to agree to that too. "Yeah." "Excellent. I know just what to use." He looked around and found one of his socks on the floor. He balled it up and stuffed it in my mouth. "How's that?" I nodded. "Good." It was about to begin. He adjusted my bare ass on the cushion a little and then started lubing me up with great globs of the lube, "Damn. You're tighter than fuck, Babe. Try to relax. I should have been having you use a dildo for awhile first. Oh well - that's why I brought the towels." He kept working his fat fingers into me and I thought I could probably handle his dick now. He started up the video and we began. "You're looking beautiful, young man. Ready to get pozzed?" I nodded. But was I? I was. I'd known this would eventually happen. "It will hurt at first...you know that, right?" I nodded again. Oh it hurt all right. But I knew the head of his cock was the fattest part and the rest would be no problem. Magic Wand. He held the camera with one hand and really went for it. I let myself yell because it would be muffled and make his video even better. "Don't fight it...don't fight it. I'm in! Oh yeah, Feels so good in there. So hot inside. Yeahhh." He leaned into me until he was pubes deep. Fuck! It was as close as we could ever get to one another - body and soul. He pumped slow at first and then faster, always with the camera angle in mind. He was really sweating heavily, which I loved but made me wonder if maybe he should get his heart checked out by a doctor. His grunts were deep and loud. There was very little pain now -- just wave after wave of intense pleasure that left me trembling. I'd never forget this --not one single detail. "OK..." He lifted up his torso until he could hold the camera with both hands. He took the sock out of my mouth. "I'm about to shoot my load. You want it?" "Yes. Knock me up, Sir!" "Here it comes...Unnggghhh! Yeah! I'm cumming!!!! Welcome to the club, Sweetheart! We share dna now." He was so wet and shiny with sweat. "Thank you." "Wait. We're not done just yet." He untied my wrists and let me hold the camera. I framed his face perfectly even though my arms were shaking a little. He mugged and smiled like he was Brad Pitt pr something. He reached over for the knife. Oh God. Of all the things he could do - he made a cut on his right index finger. !!!! "This is to make sure you get the virus in case all my little swimmers can't get the job done. He shoved that cut finger into my sore ass and let it stay there for almost a full minute. He took the camera from me so he could get a close-up. EDIT: I have to give Ted credit for never sharing this video online. Unlike a few of the pics, I haven't seen it anywhere on any of the breeding, bareback or related sites. But if you do happen to see it please forward a link to me via this site, Thanks. He let me have the shower first while he went downstairs to tend to his cut. There wasn't all that much blood, really. Just a small red blotch on the top towel that could have just as easily come from the over-eager cut he made to himself. I got cleaned up and had no idea what clothes I could put on now. So I just toweled off and sat in his little living room to watch TV. The evening news. I really loved Clinton. He was the first President I ever voted for (twice). Ted walked in and tossed me some underwear, shorts, socks, and a beat-up pair of tennis shoes. "Here. My roommate left these behind and you guys were about the same size." Sure. They seemed clean. "Where is he?" "Oh, he moved out. He met some guy online - from Iowa, I think - and he just left to go live with him. Didn't even fill two suitcases with his shit. I told you -- I have a knack for driving people away. But not you! You can move in now and we'll fix the place up." Hmm. Was I ready for that? Did I want that? While he showered, I watched some show on PBS about feral children found in the woods. It was absorbing but very sad. I dressed in the clothes I'd been given. It was all a little tight, but the shoes were maybe a size too big. Damn - did everybody in the world have bigger feet than me? I had Mom's feet and they were petite and slender. Ugh. "All clean!" Ted had dressed and combed his hair and possibly put on a little cologne. "We need food, baby!" I was guessing it was around 9:30 or 10:00 based on the news being on. We'd have to get cable if I was going to live here. "Where?" "White Castle! Of course!" That actually sounded good. I felt like a big slob in these clothes but whatever. My face was a little banged up and there was a red toenail scratch on my cheek. Ted drove and we ate inside the place instead of doing the drive-thru because he never ate in his new truck. I swear -- he ate about twenty of those sliders and fries too. I just ate enough to soak up the vodka acid and regain some strength. "We're going to be farting tonight!" He was happy and I was still so full of thoughts. "Cheer up, Brian. We'll stop for some drinks at Pals and say 'hi' to Sammy...and James, if he's still lucid." Perfect. I'd order some top shelf booze to erase the memory of that Walmart Vodka away. 14. LETTING TED GO I can't really say when the beginning of the end started. My job was slowly killing me. I was just another rat chasing after a bigger piece of cheese. The money was great, but my mood was usually foul. I'd sometimes sneak a few of Ted's mental pills without knowing what I was swallowing. Nothing helped. I was miserable. Living with Ted was not exactly easy at first. I ended up buying the house from the owner who was old and only too eager to sell. It was basically a steal. And probably a good investment since the neighborhood was slowly improving as those house-flippers moved in. Work kept me from doing much to the house but Ted assured me he would get things going. He would start projects but never finish them. He would always get bored and move on to something else. Half-painted walls. missing outlet covers, random sheets of stripped wallpaper hanging like peeling skin. I was so exhausted by the time I'd get home from work that I barely even noticed or cared at all. That was another issue. He resented all the time I spent at work because it wasn't time I could be spending with him, kissing his ring and offering up my body. I remember once coming home for lunch and he wanted a nice. long foot massage. This had lost so much of its erotic appeal to me and I went back to work with the smell of his feet on my hands. His sexual appetite never went away. Nor did his desire to take pictures of everything. The abusive part of our play starting going a little too far. All of his frustration with me came out in the verbal assaults and the punches and kicks delivered to my restrained body were his way of coping. He cracked a few of my ribs once. My only outlet was punishing him with my absence. I worked late or spent evenings at Pals. Oh - that's the other thing. He quit working there because his back was bothering him all the time. It was just as well. I had my bar back. I'd spend hours just getting drunk and spilling my guts out to Sammy. "Honey. Maybe it's time to cut your losses. Find yourself something to make life fun again. You once said you liked to draw -- well, pursue that somehow. Start a website. Take some classes and meet some new people." "I let him infect me with HIV. What;s the point in doing any of that now?" "Shut the fuck up. I've been poz for almost fifteen years now, Lester for over twenty and the treatments are getting better and better. You've got a good doctor and good insurance and that makes all the difference," "I should have never gone back to that company. I'm going to put some feelers out there for something else." "One more drink and then I have to cut you off. I'm not going to let you sit here night after night and become another James." I ended up going over to Rick's house and spending the night. Ted never asked about those nights I didn't come home. He knew the score because he'd lived through it before. I was moving away from him just like all the other men in his life had. I was miserable, mad and disappointed but I had no idea what he was feeling because I never bothered to ask. I was an asshole, but I felt every bit entitled to be one. 15. TED DISAPPEARS I had spent most of the night at Pals and cried into my boilermakers. I was feeling sorry for myself full-time by then. Sammy had all but given up trying to put me on another path. I went home and slept on the couch with the TV on. I didn't hear Ted clomping around and had to wonder if he hadn't decided to spend the night out somewhere for revenge. I didn't care. I really didn't care. I woke up and it was morning already. Shit. I wouldn't be going in to work today. I no longer had to ask for days off. I just called my personal assistant and told her. "Might as well. Nothing's getting done here today anyway." "Why?" "You haven't seen the news this morning?" "No -- I've been sick all night and..." my eyes moved to the TV screen and one of the world trade center buildings was collapsing in great clouds of ash and smoke. What the fuck? I hung up the phone and watched in horror. It was an attack. It was Pearl Harbor live and in vivid color. Ted always slept until noon but he needed to see this. Gone. His bed was there but almost nothing else was. He left trash and one bathroom towel hanging over the shower curtain rod. He must have packed and moved on while I was gone the previous day or night. I went downstairs and there was no sign of any of his stuff. Except. Except for the ring. It was on top of a little sheet of paper. A note. Brian - I'm not leaving you. You left me a long time ago. His truck was gone. There should be a new word for when grief and relief are combined. And add in a mix of 'not surprised'. I had the TV and the horrific events of 9/11 to distract me for the next 24 hours. But I ultimately had to shut it off and go to Pals. Sammy had shut off the TV there as well. Lester was there and as well as James who was nearly coherent. It was a sobering day in every way possible. Sam had shots already poured for us. "They didn't actually attack the white house - they got the pentagon instead. I had to turn it off. They won't know anything for sure for a day or two. Playing hooky again?" "Yeah. Ted took off...I mean - he left. For good." "Well - it's not like I expected you to bring any good news. but Jesus!" He poured us two more shots before we'd even touched the first ones. "How you feeling?" "Not sure yet. You already knew it was headed for this." "Yeah. But it still hurts, You can mourn for everything you hoped it would be and never was." "I've already passed through most of that." I downed the shots quickly. 16. SIX MONTHS AGO So much time has passed. So many things are different. Rick eventually moved in with me and took over renovating the house. He just turned 63 and still gets up every morning at dawn and gets to work on one of the houses we're flipping. That's what we do now. I retired from my old job after I was diagnosed with chronic heart failure. There's not much they can do for me now. Rick wants me to get on a transplant list, but I've nixed that. I've lived my life...mostly as a jerk, but I like to think I had some good moments. James died. Lester died. Sammy is still alive and kicking and doing volunteer work for an animal shelter. Ronnie got married to some foreign doctor and lives in Ireland now. Her kids are cute. I would every so often try and Google Ted, but he had a pretty common first and last name and so the searches were pointless. I'd started an Instagram account for Rick and I's business and tried searching for Ted on there. Bingo! I found his profile picture. He was at least 450 pounds with a full white beard and glasses. He was smiling at least. It was a private account. I put in a request to follow him but still haven't been permitted. It's OK. At least he's alive and still finding a reason to smile. END
  8. Authors note: Usually I write from the bottoms perspective but I think I'm going to try from the top today. Hi. My name is Chris and I'm a gay 45 year old white male. For years I hid my sexuality until I just couldn't take it any longer. I was married with a kid but I craved cock. Getting cock was much easier than I realized. I would frequent the adult bookstore cruising for cock. I tried to play safe and found myself in a relationship with what I thought was a great guy. How wrong I was. He was very abusive so I started fucking around on him. I didn't play safe anymore and I loved it. One day this cute kid comes into the restaurant looking for a job. Immediately my cock twitched wanting to fuck this kid but I really wasn't sure if he was gay or not. The main manager hired the kid and I set out trying to fuck him. I flirted with him but in front of the ladies he played straight. Eventually he started hanging out at my place to get away from his parents. One evening at my place he confessed that he was gay and he wanted me to introduce him to the lifestyle. I said yes and started by just letting him suck my cock and balls. I didn't want to rush him into getting fucked yet. His mouth felt amazing. Josh was definitely born to suck cock. Although he would come over quite often and suck my cock I still felt the desire to be fucked myself. So I played around with other men to satisfy my desires. I always got fucked bareback because it just felt better. Then one night at work I get a phone call from one of the guys that fucked me. He told me he just tested poz and I needed to get tested myself. I freaked out. I went the next day and got tested. And yes I tested poz. And now I had a new mission. Josh is going to get fucked bareback by me whether he wants to or not.
  9. Remember, this story is fictional. The expected text message arrived. “Embassy Suites, room 505 in 30 minutes.” It was time for me to get pozzed. I had met the breeder on BZ. He was a traveling business man and I knew he eventually would be back in my city. We had chatted for weeks about how my no-kidding pozzing would go down. He had told me three days ago to be ready this afternoon. He would text as soon as he was in his hotel and ready. I had been waiting for the text. I was squeaky clean inside in preparation for the breeding that was to come. His VL was 500,000 and for some reason he had taken a special interest in converting my negative bottom. We had discussed and agreed on the way everything was going to happen. It was going to be a business-like breeding. As I drove to the hotel, I reflected on all of his instructions to ensure I followed through on everything. I had remembered my toothbrush and it was dry with stiff bristles. He was going to tear up my bottom really good to ensure my hole was ready to receive his gift. “Wet bristles are not as stiff” he had told me. I texted, “I’m here, coming up.” as I entered the lobby. I realized there was no backing out. I was a little nervous realizing that the next time I was in this lobby that I would be almost definitely poz and the years long chase would be over. I smiled at that prospect as I was anxious to transform from a chaser to a gifter. I was dripping pre-cum as I entered the elevator. I wondered, “Am I crazy, what am I doing walking on my own to willingly take something into my body that will, in time, kill me?” But I was true chaser and that was exactly what I wanted. I got off at the 5th floor and quickly found the door, which was ajar as I had been told that it would be. My instructions were to enter the room, lock the door and strip naked leaving everything, except the toothbrush, by the door. For that reason I was commando, just shorts, a shirt and sandals. I wanted no delay getting out of my clothes. I knew that he would be watching from the darkened bathroom. I took a deep breath and entered. It was a two room suite with the bathroom in the middle. The room was dark with only a small nightlight on so that I could navigate. As soon as I was naked, I picked up the toothbrush and walked past the bath where I could almost make out his form and straight to the bed as I had been instructed. I placed the toothbrush next to me and got ass up, head down on the bed. He finally spoke, “Well done. I can tell that you are ready,” he was naked and erect as he walked out of the bath and picked the toothbrush up from the bed. He surprised me be planting his tongue between my ass lips and rimming me deeply for a few minutes. It felt great and relaxed me. A good rimming always makes me horny. He was also checking for signs of lube. His instructions had been clear—no lube. His entry into my hole was going be hard and violent; no lube was allowed. After a while, he stopped rimming and I felt the stiff toothbrush pass through into my hole. He was turning and brushing firmly but not roughly. I had been brushed before on many occasions, but this was the most thorough. He worked over my prostrate with the brush and I started to enjoy the experience, dripping copious pre-cum onto the pre-positioned towel. He pulled the brush out and flipped on a light so he could examine it—it wasn’t bloody enough so he stuck it back in and worked my innards over harder. After a few more minutes he pulled it out and was happy with the result. He announced, “You are ready to receive my seed.” Setting the toothbrush aside, he stood behind me and reached around grabbing my nipples and giving them a vicious twist. I loved it and almost blew my pent-up neg load right there. “I am going to fill you with my toxic AIDS cum,” he said. “There is no escaping it once the head of my cock passes into your hole you are committed and will take my high VL load deep inside of you and you will become HIV positive and likely develop AIDS in a couple of years.” After he said that he spit on my hole and began rubbing his cock into me slowly. “Are you ready?” he asked. “Do your worst,” I responded. “I intend to. My cock is the instrument of your death. I am going to free you from your current existence and fill you with disease and death,” he responded. I felt the tip of his well proportioned, about 8 inches cut, cock take up an offensive position on my hole. I knew it was going to happen soon. “Last chance to change your mind. You know what is coming next,” he whispered almost hoping that I wouldn’t hear it. I remained silent. He was still for about 30 seconds until I said, “OK.” With that, he reached around me and drove his steel-hard toxic dick into me not stopping until he was balls deep. I screamed in agony as I felt both sphincters being torn apart by the thrust. I could tell that I was bleeding as he pulled back and slowly began to abuse my insides with his cock. I began adjusting to the cock of death that was inside of me and his hardness soon began to make my prostate sing in ecstasy. The fucking continued and every so often a vicious thrust would be included to continue to wreck my hole and ensure the it was properly prepared to receive his seed. My own cock was getting hard and soon I exploded in what was likely to be my last neg load onto the towel below me. Looking down I could see spots of blood from my bottom staining the hotel-white towel beneath me. He reached around and grabbed my nipples twisting them until I felt as if he would tear them off. He stopped and withdrew his cock from my abused bottom. “Turn over on your back, I want to look into your eyes when I poz your ass,” he barked at me. I did as I was told and spread my legs. He twisted my nipples again and I looked at his blood covered cock as he drove it mercilessly again deep into me. I cried out again in pain and he smiled. Looking into his face I could tell he was enjoying this a lot more than I was. But, strangely, the pain from each slam of his cock into me reminded me that that I was getting what I wanted. Having made me cum so quickly meant that the rest of the breeding would be more painful and less sexual for me—another cruel trick. I felt his cock grow larger, and I knew from experience that he was getting close. His thrusts became more regular and intense and his breathing changed. The larger cock tore open more of my innards—it hurt a lot again. And then he smiled—looked me straight into the eyes and drove his cock balls deep. I felt the first pulse of cum being delivered as he said, “You faggot, I am pozzing your neg ass and you are going pay for this with your life. I hope it is everything that you wanted.” He drove his cock deeper than I thought possible to ensure every drop of AIDS-laced cum was delivered deep into my bottom. After he was done delivering the load, he resumed fucking me to “work it into my ass.” I was in agony by this point and he smiled evilly. He fucked me for about another 10 minutes that seemed like an eternity and then pulled out. “Clean my cock,” he demanded. I was almost revolted as I saw the blood and cum streaked now softening cock presented to me. I could taste my blood as I sucked his cock clean. I figured I was a bloody mess as well. Once he was satisfied with my work he told me to go rinse the blood off my bottom in the shower. He had delivered his poison-filled load so deeply into me that there was no chance of any leaking out. While I rinsed he finished wiping off his cock with a wash cloth. The next part of the breeding was about to begin. I stepped out of the shower and toweled off. He was still naked, but had a needle ready. We were going to blood slam to ensure that the breeding was successful. We went back to the bed and he stuck the needle into a vein at the base of his cock and withdrew a couple cc’s of blood. He put a tourniquet around my arm to make a vein pop and I nodded which gave him all of the permission he needed to stick the needle into me, withdraw a few cc’s of my blood to mix and then inject the contents of the syringe into me. We were done. I was fucked and slammed. He made it clear that I was to leave and I dressed quickly and departed. Riding down on the elevator I realized that everything took about 30 minutes. I was hurt, sore, bloodied and incredibly happy all at the same time. I realized, as I opened the door to my car, that in 30 minutes I had gone from neg to poz.
  10. Here is another installment about the adventure of Enix and David. I hope you will like this story too! The non-stop fucking drained David. He didn't know exactly when he fell asleep next to his new lover and mistress, Enix. Everything in his body was hurting. Bite marks and scratches marked his body, Enix claimed and marked her territory as a deterrence to anyone who wants to steal David from her. He slept naked, being the little spoon to her. She was gently stroking his leg while he slept. She was breathing his scent in. The shit has long dried into the sheets. They were both sleeping in her excrement and piss. The room smelled but they had their rest despite the smell. She fell into dreamless slumber next to him. David woke up before her. He looked at her for a moment. Sleeping peacefully. Her breathing was slow and hear breasts were moving with every inhale and exhale. He wanted to fondle her breasts but decided against it. He wished to do something special for her. He went out to find a kitchen and make something for her. Kitchen was easy to find, the fridge was fully stocked with various food. There was one shelf of blood, piss and packed shit. I rummaged for a bit and saw names I didn't recognize. The blood vials had inscriptions HEP C, 4 strains of HIV, Herpes... I put it back where I found it. He retrieved eggs and found a day old bread. He decided to make french toast and coffee. He put milk to boil and oil to get hot. The sink was half-full of dirty dishes. He took care of those dishes whilst waiting for the oil to get hot. It took him a couple of minutes to wash and dry the dishes. He sorted and stacked them to their appropriate places. The oil was getting ready and the milk was done, He let the milk cool and started beating the eggs. He soaked the bread, put it into the pan and begun frying the toast. When he was done, he poured the coffee into the cup, took the serving tray and off he went to bring breakfast to his lover. He entered the room and found her stretching in the bed. She was ruffling her hair and looked so happy at the prospect of being served breakfast in the bed. "I smelled something nice from the kitchen. What have you made for me?" "French toast, milk and coffee. Hope you will like them." *"I most certainly will. Come here, baby. Kiss Mommy." I set the tray down and kissed her. We kissed for a bit and then she stopped and said we have to eat. "We will eat now and after, I shall tell you what we are going to do today. I have lots of people for you to meet." "I am sorry but I have to go home. My parents will be worried. I didn't phone them last night. I totally forgot to do that. Forgive me?" *"Yes, I will forgive you for not thinking that I am clever and haven't already taken care of your "predicament" with parents." "What? - What did you do?" "Took your cellphone and sent them an SMS that you are at your girlfriends house and that you won't be back home on time. I had her mother phone your mother. I did mention that I would find you a girlfriend, to keep up the pretense. I can't very well be meeting your parents, they won't approve of our relationship." *"Her name is Daniella. 18 year old black girl. She goes to your college and she had a crush on you. She's a fellow bugchaser. Right now, she's got a mild case of yeast infection. Bot her mother and she are heavily into raceplay. They like being called niggers and such. It's very fun. I defended her mother, Celia, when she stabbed her husband in defense. He wanted to rape their daughter when she was 9. She used to be hooker and the daughter isn't even his. Her mom has herpes but she hasn't passed it onto her daughter. She got that after her daughter was born."* "I don't recall her. Can't even remember if I have ever met her." "What's there to recall? All niggers look the same, however, their cunts do not." "That's so hot. I love raceplay too. Thank you for finding her. Do I have your permission to fuck her?" "You are welcome. Not only do you have a permission, I expect you to fuck her. Her and her mommy. I give your permission to fuck ladies and girls who have all sorts of hot diseases. There is a bisex couple who are on a trip through Jamaica but will come back in a week. They would love to meet you." " Would you like to be sandwiched? - To get fucked by a guy while you fuck his wife? They both have gonorrhea." "Yes. I would love that. Like I said, I've never had a cock up my ass but would gladly experience the new stuff". "Done deal. Well, since you are free today, you don't have to go to your classes today." "I invited Nadia to come here. She's the 62 year old with full blown AIDS. You remember me mentioning her? - Well, she was anxious to come and I told her she could. I think you will like her. You know how Donatella Versace looks like now? - Well, Nadia is almost a spitting image of Donatella. Aids has ravaged her body but her lust has lost none of its potency. She is one horny slattern." "I can't wait to fuck her. Oh, god... I wanna fuck her silly. I want to smell her cunt and ass, to lick her feet, armpits. I want to have her spit in my mouth. To eat her cunt and asshole for a long time before putting my cock into her death trap." "You are so good for me. I love your nasty ideas, and feel free to do that with her, she is up for anything. She's often constipated and I'm sure you can put your cock to a good use up her ass. Give her a piss enema and I can plug her ass, let the piss soak up her dried shit." "I will record you fucking her on camera. I have clients who are into sick films. Sure, she won't kill you outright with her deathly holes, but she will show her papers, viral loads and they will know you just fucked Death and lived to tell the tale." "We are so fucked up. I am glad I took the plunge and sent you my photo and went to the club. I wouldn't have met you otherwise. Thank you for teaching my about bugchasing. I won't get tested. I will just keep on fucking. Perhaps I'll get tested in about 2 or 3 years." "However, I have a question. What about my college and my job?" "You will go to the college and keep on attending the classes. I need your good grades. And once you bring your Daniella around your house, you can move out into hers. I will buy some condo and both of you can live there. I, of course, shall be a regular guest there. Needless to say, you won't be telling your parents anything about you fucking diseased cunts. Keep it on the DL." "Understood. Didn't even plan to." "Excellent. Now, come with me to the bathroom. I have to remove the hairs from your cock, balls and ass. I want your back and front hairless." "That's good. Now you look way better. And it's easier to just remove the hair with hair removal foam" "Now, this bare butt of yours is giving me nasty ideas. Grip the shower handles and present your ass to me. I will spank you now." I did what she asked without any hesitation. *"You are a fucked up kid. You want to fuck STD ridden slatterns" SLAP - SLAP Each of my buttocks were slapped and I jerked due to the force of her slap and moaned. "Look at you now, what exactly are you moaning at? The slapping or the thought of fucking diseased cunt?" SLAP *"I guess you are moaning at both things." SLAP - SLAP - SLAP - SLAP I don't know how many slaps have I got on my ass but I was quivering and crying now. It isn't pleasure I feel now but a stinging pain. Still, I endured the pain for her. It's about her pleasure now. I felt her raking nails across my red ass. I let out a yelp when I felt her teeth into my plump ass. I felt her teeth on my other cheek I felt her finger enter my anus while dry. I inhaled and kept my mouth shut. Her assault was relentless and without mercy. She said that it's okay if I wanted to scream. Nobody would hear me. And my screams would be music to her ears. I began screaming whilst she was fingerfucking my ass. I felt her nails scraping in every direction. She stopped and told me to turn around. She pointed her finger at me, it was caked in fresh, red blood. I went to lick it but she took it away and smeared it across her lips. My blood was her lipstick. Now her lips had color of blood. "Thank you for your suffering, sweetie. And the lipstick provided from your ass. You are a doll!" My tears were running freely. She reached to my face, removed the glasses and licked my tears, carefully, not to let her lips touch my face and ruin the lipstick. She took her tongue in, swished around and commented how my tears tasted delicious. "You are welcome." - I said. "I want you to pee in my mouth now. I am thirsty." I stood up and went toward her. I put my cock inside her mouth. Relaxed and just let go inside her mouth. She was gulping it down like a madwoman. I grabbed her head and skullfucked her whilst pissing. She didn't do anything, she just took the abuse and kept watching me. I felt I was going to come and removed the cock. She held my cock inside her mouth and I spurted inside. She didn't swallow it. She rose up, pried open my mouth, held my head up and spitted my cum back into my mouth and told me to be a good boy and drink up my cum. I obeyed her. We dried off and ventured into the living room. Her cellphone was ringing and she answered. While she was speaking, I sat on her leather couch and watched her, walking in circles while talking to someone on the other end. I recognized the name, Nadia. Eni whispered to me that Nadia is coming in 15 min. I gave thumbs up. I helped Enix to mount the cameras in living room, bathroom and her bedroom. She obviously knew where I was planning to fuck her. She said that I am to give my attention to Nadia. To just forget that she was here. Today is Nadia's day. There was a ring on the door. Enix went to unlock the door. I heard a sultry voice, wet kisses and laughter. Then, the most amazing creature I've ever seen walked in the living room. Enix was right. Nadia indeed looked like a prettier version of Donatella Versace. Her hair has gone silver. Eyes sunken into the sockets, thin face, black lipstick. Leather coat, pants and leather shoes. For a moment there, we stood and watched each other There was a motion behind me and I heard cameras were on. Nadia pounced on me and started kissing me roughly. I responded in kind, grabbing her skinny behind through leather pants and groping her. I sneaked the hand into her pants and grabbed her ass. It was hanging from her bones. I moaned when I was kissing her. Her mouth tasted of cigarettes. It was like making out with an ashtray... She stopped to catch her breath. After a while, she said: It's very nice to meet you, David. Undress me, would you kindly? I removed everything from her except the shoes. I told her to sit down on the couch and to just enjoy whatever I do to her. I removed the shoe, picked her foot and started kissing and licking the soles and toes. I enjoyed the salty taste of her and another fragrance that was inside her flesh. I saw on the internet that people with AIDS wasting disease have different smells with them. She smelled so good. I removed the other shoe, brought her other foot and started smelling both of them. She was wiggling her toes and inserting them into my nostrils. I opened the mouth and took her pointy thumb inside. I sucked and licked it as if it were a minuscule cock. I started slobbering up her feet, they were wet and slimy from my spit. She was panting and frigging her clit and pinching her nipples. I told her that I wanted to fuck her cunt now. She didn't say anything except to smile and spread her legs as hard as she could. I put my cock in and started fucking her slowly. My hands were roaming her body. I could feel every bone, every rib. She was just skin and bones. Once upon a time, her boobs were full of fat, now they are sagging and small. She put her hands on my face and started fondling me, putting her bony fingers in my mouth to suck them. Played with my lips and stroking my cheek. I was reaching my breaking point. I hugged her, pushed my body into hers and fucked her cunt hard and deep until I felt my cum bursting into her deathly cunt. I was depositing my fertile cum into a barren and poisonous wasteland. I was sweaty and she was cool as a cucumber. I guess her sweat glands were shot to hell. I started kissing and she responded by grabbing my ass and slapping it. She kept squeezing every part of my anatomy. Breaking the slimy kiss, I stood up and looked at her, she was such a tiny, fragile thing, her disease has taken the best of her and I just fucked her without any regard whatsoever for my own health... And I wanted more. I picked her up, she wasn't heavy at all. I was wondering how didn't the wind manage to blow her away. I said: "I am taking you to the bedroom. I aim to make your ass mine!" I put her gently onto the bed, took the pillow and told to lie on stomach and get the pillow underneath her. I saw cameras around me, they will record everything, no matter where I am. Enix gave me a box. I opened it and saw Cruel Condom inside it. A mesh wiring, resembling my cock with a pointed, sharp stud where the tip is. I was feeling so wicked. I am about to hurt this old, AIDS cunt, draw blood and take it inside my cock. I put the condom on and said: "This is going to hurt, Nadia, but you won't mind it, will you? - I put the Cruel Condom on. I will make your ass bleed, so grip the sheets and try not to scream too much. I am going in dry." Her anus was very prolapsed due to the abuse she's suffered over ages. I put the tip onto her prolapsed anus and began teasing it. She was buckling her ass, trying to take it in. I just slapped her ass and laughed. In one swift move, I impaled her ass. She screamed so hard and the bed shook. I looked and there was blood on my cock. I pulled the cock out, waited a bit and pushed it one more time. She was shaking. I removed the cock, took the condom and put it back into the box. Now, it was time to fuck her bloodied anus. "Thank you, Nadia, for your AIDS. I loved fucking your cunt, but I will love fucking your bloody ass more." There was a cacophony of sounds in the room. Our moaning and groaning, sounds of the flesh, slapping into one another, sound of my cock sloshing her wet, bloodied anus. A coppery taste was in the air. Her prolapse was wounded good and the wound isn't closing because I am still not done fucking her. I gripped her shoulders and screamed obscenities at her. "Take it, you filthy whore!!! - I am fucking your sick asshole. You are infecting me, right now, aren't you? - And you like it, bitch." "Yes, I am fucking Death up the ass. Take my cum, you fucking Russian slag!!!" I came so hard that my balls hurt. I kept my cock inside for a couple of minutes. Removing the blood stained cock, I put my face into her ass and sucked the mixture of my cum and her blood. Nadia looked at me and opened her mouth to receive the offering. I spat the mixture into her mouth and she drank it. We started kissing and haven't stopped for a while. She cleaned my face from her blood and sucked my cock as clean as it possibly could be. She made me lie on the bed and she impaled herself on my cock and rode me until she couldn't take it anymore. I took her gently into my arms and we took a quick nap. Another chapter is done. Hope you liked it. Tips are greatly appreciated.
  11. so...I have a question. mostly bottom here. no matter how much I get bred, I always bleed. I love when I am in a group, and another bottom bud has the same experience...eating ass is great! love cleaning off top's cock after. as a top...do you like seeing my blood on your dick? turn on? and as bottoms...any similar thing happen? still negative. would like to change that and become a real part of the club!
  12. Well, it has been over 6 months since my last fuck. I have been craving it. Thinking even about going the bath house in Houston, which is nearby. I used my dildo so hard the other night, I bled. It didn't matter, I kept fucking myself. I used the blood as the lube to continue fucking myself. I was going to cum while getting fucked. I love that but never before this I wanted to wreck my hole. I wanted to make sure I was sore for more then an hour or two. I want it to feel like my hole got used. And, this was deep in my hole bloody and its like when you have too much lube. Finally, I blasted a huge load. Must have shot a 2 feet high before hitting my face and tons of it. My dildo still deep in me. My hole spasming. I jumped up and got into the shower. Damn, there was a lot of blood. Starting to cum down from the high of the orgasm but I was enjoying 420 at the time and the poppers put me into the mood in the first place. I get slutty as fuck when I use them. It's why I stay away from other drugs. I can't imagine the slut that would cum out. (note: I am going to use words like that to continue to show how slutty I would I am right now.) So, cuming down from it all the pain in my puffy hole starts to happen. What the fuck have I done. I have fucked it raw with a dildo and it's bloodied. At this point, I am standing in my shower, bloody water at my feet. I have to push out the fluid in my hole, the lube I used. I usually am standing in the back of the shower. I usually am pushing out lube and cum and I try and lick it off the back part of the shower. But this time it is frothy, bloody lube. I look and it as it starts to slide down the side of the tub. I bend over and look at it close up. My thoughts, "Do I lick that up? It's blood and lube. I would never do blood and cum? or would I. What the fuck am I thinking? That's too kinky. But, I am horny as fuck. I can just do this once because it's my blood after-all. I have tasted my own blood in my mouth before. That's not a big deal. So, I bend over to lick it up. As I look back under between my legs, my butt cheeks opening up and the water running down my cheeks. I see bloody water running down my legs. My hole feeling the somewhat hotter then usual water is splashing on it. And spasming causing more bloody lube mix comes out and runs down my legs. Oh, and I have not even licked it up yet from the tub wall. FUCK! How much of a kinky slut are you being? So, I lick it up before it slides any further in the tub. I can be a REALLY KINKY SLUT at home if I want to. I will never do it with someone. Or, will I?" (Now, I have to deal with the dogs and need to continue this story later but my hole needs cleaning out real good. I have a One-nighter planned for tonight. An anonymous, visiting hook-up potential in the works).
  13. Need aggression be brutal hung tops to destroy my hole really tear it up and wreck it with their cocks, no mercy hate fucking, make my ass hurt good looking submissive slave bottom here with a deep fucking ass won't let me upload picture due to file size
  14. Don't watch this if you're easily grossed out; http://barebackbastards.com/24674/sling-rape/ The tops brush his hole with a toilet brush, after filling it with maggots and piss
  15. Note: Everyone in this story is meant to be above the age of consent. Back in highschool, the first time I really had gay sex, although I fantasized about it and read a lot of gay porn stories, the first time I was fucked up drunk and on downers after a party. One of my friends, who was rumored to be gay, starts to massage me, and I just acted like I was asleep, but he may have known I was faking. I let him take off my pants and underwear and go down on me and also lick my ass. I started moaning then, I figured fuck it. He swiveled around so his cock was in my face while he sucked me, and at first I was like, I'll receive but I'm not giving and avoided it, pretending to still be drunk and out of it. He held my head with both hands and forced his cock in my mouth so fuckit, I started sucking it. Turns out I was a natural deep-throater. After his cock became steel-hard he pulled off and laid on me. He was really into body contact, and he laid out full on me, rubbing our hard cocks together, sucking and biting my nipples, which I got into immediately, then he started sucking and kissing my neck and ears while he kneaded my butt cheeks and rubbed my ass deeply right next to my hole on both sides and I knew what was coming. I masturbated fantasizing about sex with men, but I didn't consider myself gay, to where I'd be romantic with a guy or fall in love or make out with him. Just concentrating on his cock and ass seemed less gay somehow. Anyway, again, he wasn't having any of it and he held my face and quit acting tender and just jammed his tongue in my mouth. Again, I said fuckit. I was into making out, I loved girls and I was a randy teenager, so I just went with it and it kind of cool to be on the receiving end, he was very aggressive and rough and kissed me hard and almost choked me with his tongue. Meanwhile, he had been rubbing my pussyhole until I relaxed, then fingering my ass with lube he had, first one, then two and finally all four fingers pushed into me like a slot. I was still all fucked up and with good barbituates you feel no pain, a friend of mine on downers broke an ankle and didnt realize until the next day, so I could take a cock up the ass easily. He held a jar of poppers under my nose and forced me to breath them deeply, first one nostril then the other. I became instantly insanely horny for cock up my ass, all my muscles down there went slack, it felt like my balls were hanging a foot below my ass and my boypussy just opened up like a flower. He didn't even break the kiss as he positioned himself then pushed it in, not really slowly, he didnt back off and just pushed and pushed, first missing my hole and pushing like he was trying to drill me a new asshole. I reached down and spread my cheeks with one hand and guided him in with the other. At first it seemed like it was blocked or something my ass was so tight, but all the sudden I let go and it pushed all the way in. The weird thing wsa the rim of my ass burnt and hurt, but inside it was fucking incredible. It was like I had an itch deep inside and the only thing that would satisfy me was his cock, and I spread my legs wide and pushed my hole hard against his groin trying to get him as deep as possible. Long story short(er), he fucked the hell out of me 3 or 4 times that night, came in me repeatedly, I sucked the ass and cum off his cock each time and I became his regular fuckboy. I was dating a girl and didn't have a car, he used to drive us around, take me to a secluded place so we could fuck while he watched us in the rear-view, then drop her off and drive me back to the same place and fuck me in the back seat on my back so we could make out or leaning over the fender. Once I was jacking it and came all over his car while he fucked me. Another time a car full of teens (who luckily we didn't know) drove past while he was fucking me bent over the hood of the car and they drove by slow and gawked at him riding my ass while I laid my upper body all the way down on the car and he laid his chest down on me, but they didn't stop or say anything. Maybe they were gay too. Anyway, he started picking me up in the morning to take me to school, he came early so we had a chance to stop at a nearby park, make out for a while then I'd suck him off and swallow. I wouldn't let him fuck me because cum has a way of working its way out of your ass, and I didn't need a wet stain of cum on the back of my jeans in school. However, after school was a different matter, his mom worked and we'd go there and suck and fuck like rabbits. None of my friends knew of course, and I had a girlfriend I was fucking. One time he remarked that I was the only truly bi-sexual person he knew. However, my sexual feelings were changing. All the fucking and making out I started to find I was developing feelings for him, although I still considered myself just someone who like gay sex, not gay myself. He asked me to start wearing girl's panties to school and I did, on gym days I'd wear shorts over them under my jeans so noone would see I was wearing panties. It had the affect of making me feel feminized and even more submissive when he fucked me. When my gf and I broke up (I had pretty much lost the desire to fuck her and thought about cock even while having sex with her) I didn't look for another and really got into gay sex with him, roleplaying and making sounds and whimpering and begging like a girl while he fucked me, playing rape games and taking spankings. He liked to use demeaning language like calling me a little bitch, faggot, slut, cunt, whore and telling me to take it up my faggot ass and making me beg him to fuck my faggot asshole etc. I got off on it. I told him how much I loved his cock and body and his very cute ass and he let me tongue his butt and bury my nose in his cockhair and even put my open mouth over his bush to suck in his scent, it drove me insane with horniness. During the day I'd sneak a finger up my own ass and smell his cum on my finger and go mad with the desire to masturbate. Sometimes we be out in his car partying and he'd have to piss and I'd get out with him and kneel down, look up into his eyes and take every drop of his briny, burning piss while looking at him lovingly and he looked back at me with contempt, holding my ears and jamming his cock to the back of my throat. As our sexual relationship started to mature into an actual romance we started going to drive in movies. He was into CD so I'd wear a bra and panties under my clothes, and as soon as we parked I'd take off my jeans and we'd make out while he felt up my titties under my bra. We kind of played I'd try to fight him off like a good girl but finally he'd be pinching and then sucking my nipples and feeling up my cunt in my panties while people walked by. I had long hair so they probably thought I was a girl with a flat chest. They would also walk slowly by getting an eyeful of this 18 year old slut (me), half-naked with her face in her bf's lap, sucking cock. It was too risky to fuck there though so we'd leave and go to the woods or his house and I'd leave the bra and panties on while he ate my pussy, pulling the panties to the side, then fucking me while pinching the hell out of my nipples under my bra and with my panties rubbing my asshole while he fucked me. One time his mom opened the door because I was whimpering and moaning and she just stood there for a few minutes watching. He was oblivious, I guess he had his eyes closed, but I looked over, it was light enough from the light in the hall I made eye contact with her and just kept moaning like a girl and telling him to fuck my pussy, and finally she walked away without shutting the door. After he came in me I went to clean up and get a drink and I was at the refrigerator with just his button up shirt on over my panties when she walks in. She out and out asked me if I enjoyed taking it up the ass and I said, yeah, it's amazing, you never tried it? She said she tried it once but had to stop because it hurt so bad. I said you just need someone patient to break you in, then it's great, for women or men. She lifted up the back of my shirt to see my panties, laughed a little. She saw the wet spot and asked me if I wasn't worried about barebacking. I told her I trusted her son and wasn't worried. She laughed dryly and shook her head and went back to bed. We fucked there all the time with no fear after that. At the end of my junior year, my bf was graduating and going off to college and he told me he had something to tell me the last weekend before he left (we had already agreed to start seeing other people since he was going to be out of state). I had been sick on and off all that Spring and he told me why: he was HIV poz and had probably intentionally infected me months before. The year before he and I had gotten together he had been a bottomboy and his junior year bf had bred HIV into his ass, so to retaliate he had become a stud topman and looked for a queer to pass the gift to, and I was the "lucky" faggot who got the prize. He suggested I consider switching to topping so I could break in my own slavepig. I told him "no time like the present" and forced him facedown on the bed, ripped his pants down and raped his long-unused ass. He barely fought back as he took my thick, unmedicated load with his own strain of HIV streaked through my cum. We kissed and fucked for the last time as I started my new life as a topstud stealther. That night I got a cock stud piercing so my cock would rip any ass I fucked. I already had my eye on an unpopular emo-boi who idolized me. I would offer to take him out partying that weekend and get him fucked up and horny. He would be easy to seduce and breed. My Senior year was going to be fun.
  16. German Chubby extrem dirty and perverted looking for slim Boys until 28 only for real meetings, no cam, no skype, no time waster pls, love scat, piss, snot, feet, cum, blood, sweat, fisting, prefer asians, blacks, latinos but any race and nation is welcome, if you from germany or wanna visit germany you are welcome, for travelers bed and breakfest is possible, i can host if the chemistry is right, drop me a line if interested, thx….Foreigners and Beginners also welcome, POZ AIDS KAPOSI SARCOM and ANY other diseases welcome, i will take all, Only with Facepic and only for real meetings, my WECHAT is: piethh, viber and whatsapp: +491724074222 (only textiing, no calls!)
  17. Answering an ad from a Poz Daddy who wants to infect a Neg virgin and make him his TOTAL slave: what about tomorrow evening, like 8pm or so? I will clean my ass out with a good enema so I'm nice and clean for Daddy, then when I show up you can inspect my asshole and make sure it's nice and clean. I'm dying to worship my Daddy's cock and deep throat it. I want to stick my tongue deep in Daddy's assholeand lick it until your cock is rock hard. After my whipping gets my ass right red I hope daddy will put me on my back with my legs over his shoulders and fuck me like the whore I am, bending down to bite my nipples til they bleed and kiss me deeply. I'll wrap my legs around your ass and pull you deeply into my pussy so Daddy can breed my pussy with his toxic seed. I want to feel your hot poison cum filling my pussy and getting my slut pussy pregnant. I'd love to straddle Daddy's cock and ride him while he twists my nipples and I grind my pussy on his toxic cock. I can turn around and ride you backwards so you can watch your Daddy deathcock go in and out of my neg boypussy. I also want to bend over the edge of the bed and take your infection from behind, with Daddy reaching around to play with my clitty and bleeding nipples and kissing my neck and ears, and I'll turn my head so Daddy can fuck my mouth with his tongue just like he fucks my pussy with his deathstick. After a good hard fucking, I want to clean off Daddy's cock and if you have to piss I'll look up into your eyes while your cock drains and gives me a belly full of toxic piss. I hope you'll leave my panties on and just pull them to one side while we make out on the couch watching porn and Daddy plays with my cunt, getting me wet and horny. Daddy can play with my little titties while he gets me ready for my toxic breeding. Then I'll pull my panties to one side and straddle Daddy's lap and ride his cock with my arms around my Daddy's neck and we can make out while I ride up and down on Daddy's cock like a good little whore. Daddy can reach behind me to get my ass spanked and sore. After he cums toxic spooge in my cunt, I hope I get more punishment, while Daddy takes his belt directly to my fucked out pussy hole, dripping with his poison cum until it's red and sore, then fucks me again while my assrim is raw and bleeding, letting the poison into my bloodstream, raping me like a chaser slut deserves. I like to be forced to fuck until my asshole edge is ripped so the fucking is really intense knowing your deadly cum is entering my bloodstream and when I cum I feel it in my sore nipples, raw asshole and stinging red butt cheeks and whipped thighs. I want you to rub your poison cum into my bleeding nipples so I can aborb it with my ass and my nipples. Then I hope Daddy will spoon with me while we drift off to sleep, and when Daddy's cock gets hard again during the night he can just lift one of my legs to open my well fucked, pozzed and loose pussy to fuck me again while I'm sleeping, and I'll wake up to the pain of my pussy being raped again and my nipples being twisted while Daddy forces my head around so he can rape my mouth with his tongue. Then I'll suck Daddy's cock clean and lick his balls and asshole until he's hard one more time and we can lay face to face, lift my leg and fuck nice and slow one more time while we kiss deeply and romantically, fucking me lovingly this time with long, slow strokes because now he knows he owns my now poz pussy, until Daddy's close to cumming his fatal cum, swimming with viruses, then rolling me onto my back, lifting my legs into the air and pounding my bitch ass and deep-cocking me until his balls swell and deliver another load of hot poz cum into my no-longer neg pussy, giving me a big shot of his special cum and injecting Daddy's DNA into my body so I absorb Daddy's cum into my bloodstream and he becomes part of me forever. Daddy will send me home with a sore ass, a raw and burning pussy and nipples and a well-fucked mouth and asshole and instructions on when to come back for more cum injections and punishment, after I get the fuckflu and the infection sets in deeply. Then, with my newly poz pussy ready for punishment and fucking, making me bend over a chair and count the strokes as I take my torture and rape, and a belt to my back and thighs as well, taking special care to make me spread my cheeks so Daddy can whip my newly baptized asshole directly. I'll suck Daddy's cock before I leave deep throat with my nose buried in his cock hair with its hidden biohazard tat, hidden beneath his thick musky cockhair so negs can't see it until it's too late. I bury my nose deeply and touch the poz-tat so I can smell his scent deep in my lungs, carrying his pheremones into my bloodstream and driving me mad with lust. Daddy can turn around and I'll spread his butt cheeks and push my tongue deep in Daddy's toxic asshole so his cock gets rock hard again, then Daddy will put my on my hands and knees and rim my poz pussy out, sucking out my now cum-filled cunt, swimming with a pint of viral cum and drawing the cum to the survace to get it wet for one more fuck before I leave. Daddy fucks me from behind, spanking my ass and getting it nice and red so my ride home it will sting and throb the entire way so I"ll remember the punishment. By then my panties will be soaked with Daddy's poz cum running out of my asshole so Daddy will have to fit me with a buttplug to keep his fresh, heavy viral load up inside me for the ride home, with instructions to wear it all day until I come back for more fucking so my pussy will be loose and ready for poz cock at all times. He'll push the buttplug in deep and even spank the buttplug to it's forced deep in my infected asshole while I take my punishment. Daddy clamps my nipples and hangs weights nipples and on my clitty and a tight cock ring around my balls while I take my spanking so the pain of my torture has me raw and ready to really feel the fucking I'm going to get, with Daddy's thick cock raping my ass while I moan and whimper like a little girl getting her pussy violated for the first time. Daddy tells me that from now on I don't have a cock, I have a clitty and tells me he's going to feminize me. He wants me to walk and talk like the faggot little girl I am and to moan and whimper while I take my punishment like a good little feminized faggot. He tells me I don't need balls anymore because I only live to service Daddy and since I don't need balls anymore he's going to have a doctor friend of his remove them so my cock shrinks down to the size of a little clitty just right for stroking and playing with while daddy licks my hole and then fucks me. Daddy tells me my days of fucking are over, that from now on I'm just a little fuck toy for Daddy and his friends, and when they come over Daddy pimps me out to them, making me service everyone's cock before bending over so they can fuck me one by one while the rest watch and one of them rapes my mouth while the rest take turns raping my asshole or beating me with a paddle or belt. If anyone needs to piss they will use me as a toilet boy, draining their balls and bladder into my belly until it's swollen with piss and cum. One of the men tells me to get in the bathtub, and tells me to pull my panties to one side so he can piss on my raw sore asshole so it burns, then turns me around to piss on my cock and balls trapped in the tight little girl panties, then he pisses on my raw nipples making them burn and then pisses on my face, I open my mouth to let his piss run into and out of my mouth, running down my face and getting my entire body covered with his piss. Then Daddy just pats me dry with towels so that I'm still covered with a layer of piss while he takes me back out to continue my punishment and face and pussy fucking by all his friends until all of their balls are drained of cum and it's running down the back of my leg. Daddy inserts my buttplug to keep all the men's cum inside me and sends me to bed to sleep until everyone leaves and he comes in to fuck my piss covered, cum filled ass. Maybe Daddy will eventually get another slave, and both of us will be filled with cum and Daddy will instruct me to suck the loads of hot cum out of the other slaves asshole and then spread my cheeks so he can clean my pussy, then line us up so we can get on our hands and knees side by side and kiss and lick each other's tongues while Daddy whips us both, then we lay on top of each other grinding our clitties together while Daddy gets on top, putting his cock first in one pussy then the other, taking turns fucking us. The lucky one will get Daddy's load and the other will get to suck it out his pussy while the other cleans Daddy's cock with his mouth. One of us will rim Daddy's ass while the other sucks his cock until he's rock hard again, then one of us will straddle and ride Daddy's cock while the other sit on Daddy's face so he can stick his tongue deep in his well-fucked cum filled pussy and we fuck and suck all night. Eventually both of us faggot girls are bred and knocked up with Daddy's hot cum and we live with well-spanked red asses, wearing only panties and little teddies and bras while we mince around the house, always ready to bend over the chair or the couch to receive more spanking and fucking or to drop to our knees to suck Daddy's cock or rim his asshole like good little slaves. I'd like Daddy to take me on a date to a drive in movie with me wearing just panties, a frilly bra and a little teddy nightgown. While people walked by we would make out and Daddy would feel me up while I tried to hold him off like a good girl who is taught not to let boys fuck her, but Daddy gets me hot and reaches inside my bra to pinch and twist my nipples until I'm so horny I stop resisting and let him finger bang my pussy. Then he pushes my head down into his lap and I suck his cock while people are walking past seeing the little slut whore sucking her Daddy's cock. Then we drive to the wooods and Daddy bends me over the fender, takes off his belt and whips my back, thighs and ass, taking special care to make me spread my cheeks so he can whip my asshole and get it raw so I'll really feel my fucking. The he puts me in the back seat on my back and takes my school girl cherry, just pushing my panties to the side so they rub my asshole raw while he fucks me deeply, taking my ass cherry and kissing me while I murmer how much I love my Daddy and how much I love his cock deep inside me. Daddy lifts my legs so he can see his cock going in and out of my stretched asshole, then rolls me over and I lay flat so he can enjoy my chubby red buttcheeks and eventually I feel hot ropes of cum shooting into me, covering the walls of my pussy with his hot cum that seeps into my womb finding my seed and getting me pregnant with my own Daddy's baby. I'll have to go to school with my belly swollen up so my panties don't fit anymoreand everyone knows I'm a slutty little whore. When Daddy picks me up from school I immediately bow my head into his lap so everyone sees me sucking his cock and knows my Daddy is the one who broke my cherry and knocked me up with his baby. I'll work hard to be a good wife to Daddy, sucking his cock regularly and taking spankings and fuckings several times a day. Any time Daddy has to piss he just pulls out his cock and I get down on my kness and look up directly into Daddy's eyes while he drains his bladder into my swollen belly, letting his cock spray into my cheek so I don't choke and feeling the piss run down my throat filling my belly with piss. I get used to being fucked by Daddy or rented out to his friends for constant fucking and sucking and any one of them can whip my ass almost bloody while I'm handcuffed to the rack Daddy keeps in his dungeon basement. Then I'm handcuffed to my wrists to my ankles over his torture sawhorse so he can give me an enema and then use all his toys on my ass, using a thin, long dildo to poke my prostate and milk shot after shot of um out of me (unless he has already decided to take my balls and feminize me into a eunuch fucktoy), taking time out to renew my red ass with more whippings. He uses a speculum to open my asshole wide and fills me with soapy water to clean my ass out good, then puts in a buttplug and forces me to hold it inside my pussy while he whips me again. Then he takes me in his shower and lets me drain my ass and clean the piss, blood and cum off me so I"m clean enough to take to his bed and after being such a good little whore and taking torture, fuckings and piss showers from so many men Daddy takes me to bed and makes love to me tenderly, we kiss licking each other's lips and sucking on Daddy's tongue as he kisses me like a teenage girl, very sweetly and gently, his mouth very wet and his saliva running down my throat until I'm begging for his cock. I lift my leg face to face, rubbing his cock on my clitty until hie's rock hard, then I reach down and direct into my pussy, and fact to face with one leg lifted up Daddy makes love to me, fucking me slowly, pulling his cock all the way out until I feel the rim bumping over my asslips, then pushing it slowly all the way balls deep until it hits my prostate with exquisite pain, by prostate is so swollen and painfully sore after all the fucking and cumming I've taken. Then looking deep into my eyes and kissing me romantically and lovingly he injects a long, continuous shot of cum into me, instead of a series of short shots, he lets go with one long rope of cum that is so big it foams up around his cock and is forced out of my ass around his cock because I'm filled ot the rim with cum. We keep kissing and nuzzling until Daddy's cock gets soft and comes out of my ass, then I turn my ass toward him and spoon while we drift off to sleep. Daddy will wake several times to lift my left, attach his sucking mouth to mine and suck my tongue while he continues to fuck me 3-4 times during the night and I sigh into his mouth as I feel yet another hot shot fill my pussy and I know I totally belong to Daddy and Im his willing submissive slave. Maybe next week Daddy will take me to the tattoo parlor and have big rings put into both my nipples, a stud in my tongue to stimulate men while I suck them, a permanent cock ring out on tightly so I'm always in a state of horniness, and a tramp stamp tattooed above my ass with Daddy's choice of a phrase, maybe Daddy's Little CumSlut and a very small tattoo with a broken cherry and a date, commemorating the day Daddy broke my cherry. Instead of playing the tattoo artist, Daddy has me suck him off while he tattoos my tramp stamp, so that any time I go to the beach in my little speedo everyone will know I'm a queer cocksucker who takes loads up his ass. Then Daddy sits down, has me sit on his cock while I get my nipples pierced, kissing me deeply while the needle goes into and through my nipples, then a thick ring is inserted so my nipples will be swollen and sore all the time. After all the sucking and twisting and pulling on my nipples, I've started developing little breasts like a teenage whore for Daddy to fondle and suck while warming me up for a fuck. Daddy makes me wear a collar and a g-string and takes me to a gay bar where he shows me off to all the horny faggots there. He gets a booth and has me get under the table and suck everyone's cock while they drink. Eventually one of them asks to take me to the parking lot and a train of 4-5 men take turns gang-banging me and one inserts a buttplug so I'll be walking around full of toxic mancum. Eventually Daddy decides that I not only don't need balls, I don't need a clitty anymore and has my balls and cock removed so I'm a smooth little eunuch. I can still cum when Daddy hits my prostate with his cock and toys, but eventually he decides I"m getting too mcuh pleasure out of my nipples and removes those also, and threatens ot remove my prostate as well, keeping me in a constant state of fear and awe of Daddy and how he has modified my body to be his permanent little whore slut, only fit for getting fucked and pleasing me iwth my ass and mouth. I am content with my fate because I know I'm a worthless little slut and my entire life is dedicated to pleasing Daddy and getting fucked by him and his friends and constantly full of poison cum in my ass and belly.
  18. Treasure Island Media just released Breeding Season 3. The third in a series of hot bareback breading videos they have produced. This one though has a scene that many fans myself included have found to be way over the top and feel they have gone too far with it. The reviews on thier website have many negative comments about scene 13. To me this is something that a small number of their customers would be into the majority are going to be turned off by this. I sure am and I happen to like Dayton but it is his only scene and for me it is ruined. I just wanted to put up this poll and see what everyone thinks. I know TIM likes to push boundaries and stuff but when it ends up only making a small minority of fans and customers happy and turns off the majority of them then what is the point? To me carving words in someones chest is something serial killers do. Scene 13 DAYTON & MILES EXTREME. NOT FOR EVERYONE. DAYTON O’CONNOR without doubt is the most beautiful man making porn today. If you aren’t charmed by his dusky, down-home voice, you’ll be seduced by the most dazzling eyes I’ve ever seen. But it doesn’t stop there: there are profound depths to this man. I have immense respect for him. I gave him a man who forgot years ago how to say the word “No”. I said to DAYTON “Try not to kill him.” What I got was a blood-chilling leering grin. He started by carving my name in the victim’s chest with a knife. Then he whipped him mercilessly with a metal whip. Yeah, there’s blood everywhere. What do you think they used for fuck-lube?
  19. Fuck me raw & hard, & hurt me harder.......Any sexual sadists out there who like to seed & beat their pig at the same time? I gotta explore this need to be beaten, whipped, punched, slapped, degraded, humiliated & dehumanized. Any MEAN fuckers out there wanna fuck me bloody & beat me bloody too?

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