blackrobe

We are already there. As an older guy, I'm the target of so many fake profiles and scams that I could spend my entire app time reporting them. Grindr, it it's infinite greed, has decided that interrupting me with an ad when I'm reporting a profile is a great idea. I close the app immediately and my report gets thrown away. I block the profile and don't invest any more time reporting. Net result being their platform stays polluted with scam and fake profiles. They are constantly trying to get me to subscribe, but the platform and experience is so compromised that is *never* going to happen.

There are so many good reasons not to host. This grown man has an agreement with his husband that neither of us hosting is the big rule of our open relationship. Lots of friends and acquaintances have stories about thefts while hosting. Preventing drugs coming into a sober household is another good one. Sure, I'd get much more dick and seed if I could host, but becoming a trusted bottom to a group of regulars who do host is no booby prize.

I'm sure guys might appreciate a bottom pinch-hitting, but that's not at all what the OP meant. There is no equivalence between your "volunteer" scenario and the OP's scenario. Assigned roles? I'm wired the way I'm wired. I don't experience being a bottom as a choice. When someone tells me I'm selfish or tries to shame or manipulate me because I won't "be more versatile" it baffles and irritates the fuck out of me. No one is entitled to someone else's dick.

I get the seduction on its own, although it's still "Baby-it's-cold-outside" ethically dubious, but outright deception and manipulation just isn't hot.

Your overall point is well taken. We are in the realm of evolutionary biology here, so it's not about feelings or a mind-set. I used the word instincts above deliberately as it's the closest I could come to asking about what impulse we might get from our most basic "reptile brain" where our deeply instinctive drives come from. It's no surprise that we are mostly not aware of them at all except when they drive risky behavior that we look back on and wonder why we did that. Fucking is the powerful drive - passing on our DNA is just something that happens when we do. I was wondering whether there was an instinct about evacuating previous breeders seed or whether our basic instinct to fuck hard and deep plus the natural selection of males with a more pronounced coronal ridge (better removing competing seed) resulted in their sperm being more competitive and successful. Less effective penis morphologies just didn't get passed on as much as the most effective ones with a larger coronal ridge.

A few things come to mind. Firstly, I hope you are getting some self care and talking to a professional about what is provoking your feelings and reactions to other men's experiences here. I'm not clear on what you mean by "sexualizing" the experience since it's already sex. The much older partners sexually assaulted these boys under the law in most jurisdictions. I'm guessing you mean either reliving and re-enacting the experience with similar male archetypes, or making an adaptation to their experience that allows them to cope and process what they experienced and how it has affected them. The former is concerning since it's an on-going cycle of retraumatization. The latter is where the survivor finds a way to integrate what happened to them into their lives in a way that is positive for them. That's how I'd characterize my experience after having been drugged and raped by a mid to late 40s man when I was a 12 year old. Being sexually, physically, or emotionally abused makes you many times more likely than the general population to have poor physical and mental health outcomes throughout your life. This kind of abuse is a problem for all of humanity, not just a gay community problem. I was raped by a straight identifying member of a religious order. Sadly, young gay and queer boys can be easy for predatory men to spot and take advantage of. Some of these young boys grow to become part of the gay community so that's where the aftermath of poor outcomes lands. I know many straight men who've had the same experience but who suffer in silence. Yes, it's a common tactic for abusers who are confronted with their abuse to attack the credibility of the survivor based on the terrible impact the abuse has had on them (addiction, homelessness, mental health challenges, etc.). All institutions where abuse happens end up in this pattern of attacking and discrediting them. There are lots of factors that give drinking and drug use the place it has in the gay community, the abuse we experience as children is just one of many.

I keep an eye on research topics of interest and I found one that is pretty fascinating. It discusses the penis as a semen displacement device, how penis length, shape, and ejaculation pressure may play a part in competition to impregnate females. After reading it, I started to wonder about the instincts of top breeders when fucking a recently bred bottom. I've noticed when I have multiple loads in my ass, and especially when men have watched other men fuck them inside me, subsequent men seem to fuck vigorously and I always end up with a pool of mixed seed on the sheets and floor under where they mounted and fucked me. I wonder if they are responding to an instinct to evacuate my hole of previous seed before they plant their own. So, top breeders, what are your instincts when you're fucking a recently bred hole? Does your fuck pull all the previous seed out before yours is bred inside? Do you just enjoy the cummy hole or is there some evolutionary sperm competition creeping in? Also, how do you think the size and shape of your dick and the coronal ridge contribute to whether the seed stays in or gets fucked out?

Please continue...

I have a time/distance travel rule. Ideally, the play is twice as long as the round drip travel time, but never less than the round trip travel time. 30 minute each way needs to be between 1 (minimum) and 2 hours of play. If I get pushback I tell them if I'm making a commitment of my time and resources, they need to make a corresponding commitment of their time and effort. I had a character on Sniffies tell me he had a proposal for me. He asked me to pick up a traveling guy he wanted to play with from his place and drive him to the hosts place. That was a 45 minute one-way trip. He didn't say what was in it for me, so I asked him what the inducement would be. It hadn't occurred to him he'd need one! He muddled about and said that I could watch. It astounds me what some guys have the gall, the effrontery, to expect from strangers. I passed.

What you're describing here is not a "typical sub" in my experience, it's a bossy BDSM bottom (not at all submissive) who has confused what he wants with actual power exchange. Nor is the performative domination you describe what actual power exchange usually looks like. These bottoms are either ignorant, manipulative, or fundamentally misunderstand what submission is. A typical submissive bottom is there for whatever experience the top requires. Good alignment in interests can make the experience better for both, but it's not usually what drives a submissive bottom. They want to please the top as the first order goal. Wilde was right, "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." Meaning there are power dynamics at play in all sex. What you describe as using a bottom definitely has elements of your control and your desires being met your way. Lots of bottoms who don't identify as submissive will *love* that energy from a top. How you deliver that use determines whether it's read as demanding, selfish, piggy, dominant, etc. You can be a cumdump without being submissive and vice versa, but plenty of bottoms become cumdumps because of their submissive journey.

Welcome! You're the dad we all want to help out with our hungry asses.

I think the point is that there is nothing wrong with you. Whether you are just curious and exploring, or whether this is a part of your sexual evolution, you're totally okay.

bdsmlr doesn't render any content in my feed, just ads. I've researched, flushed caches, tried different browsers, etc. but it's worthless on Safari and Chrome on MacOS.

No, not at all.

... is the correct answer!