blackrobe

Firstly, we need to simply listen to the lived experiences of men of color and then re-evaluate our thoughts and actions based on what we learn from them. I think there's a few dynamics at play. There's certainly racism in the form of both conscious and unconscious bias, and a sense of racial entitlement to the bodies of other races. This is where it worth us spending some time in personal reflection on what part we might play in the experiences that men of color in our community share with us. There are also forces like sexual selection where humans choose sex partners for traits that are not survival based (hairlessness, male facial hair, penis size, rounded breasts, and pubic hair to name a few). Yes, gay men aren't able to reproduce without a medical intervention, but the evolutionary forces and wiring in our brains is the same, so it's still a force we're affected by. In Charles Darwin's "The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex" (1871), Darwin theorized that sexual selection was a force that was "race making": We know that humans descend from Africa and, through survival pressure, natural mutation, and sexual selection forces, we've evolved into the different collections of attributes that we think of as racial groups today. Some, but not all, of those sexual selection factors are likely rooted in "in-group and out-group" dynamics (Us vs. Them) and may have metastasized into what we think of today as racism. It's a fascinating and provocative line of thinking. We all have our own experiences with and observations of men who are perceived to be in a different racial group to ourselves. I've had men of color tell me how they feel sexually overlooked by some racial groups while at the same time also being fetishized and objectified for racially perceived aspects of their bodies (size, hairlessness, penis size, muscles, skin color, etc.). Where I live, the demographics are White (Non-Hispanic) (62.2%), Asian (Non-Hispanic) (16.2%), Two+ (Non-Hispanic) (6.76%), Black or African American (Non-Hispanic) (6.65%), and White (Hispanic) (2.77%) (Source: US Census 2020). This sets the baseline for who is available. I was at a bathhouse this weekend and saw what I'm sure are men from all of those demographics. Lots of white guys with other white guys, black guys with black guys, white guys with with Asian guys, Asian guys with brown guys, brown guys with brown guys, brown guys with white guys, etc. These are what I perceived, even though being in a dark bathhouse, our perceptions of race aren't always on point. I didn't see a lot of guys of any specific race getting no interest. I made eye contact with lots of men who looked away choosing not to have eye contact with me - Cruising 101. It seemed like there were lots of men sitting out the dance until there was someone they were interested in. These are often the men sitting or standing in one position close to where all men had to pass by entering, leaving, or just circulating around the venue. These men, now that I reflect on it, were all men of color (predominantly black and Asian) and sent out a subtle "don't approach me" vibe by avoiding eye contact. I saw a lot of black guys playing and fucking together in public areas, but I didn't see black and white guys playing together in public. Some black FBs have told me that they don't play with other black guys and it doesn't seem polite to press them on their reasons. Some are very into fucking white guys, and some have implied they are avoiding black guys based on some nebulous bad past experience. I did see younger guys getting a lot of interest and older guys less interest. That's what I saw, but other observers would notice things I did not and perhaps interpret things I saw differently. I got fucked by three white guys (one twice), one Afro-Mexican guy (a long time), two black guys, and a Middle Eastern guy (twice, in public, and a long time), and got sucked by a couple of Asian guys, a black guy, and a white guy (three times). When you're trying to tease out what's happening with who is playing with whom, you really need to look at the demographics above and bear in mind that a lot of the fucking is happening in private rooms (most of my play was). I'm sure there were men of color and white guys fucking behind closed doors, just like I was. Something to remember is that hot guys of any race can be intimidating to those of us who don't feel like we are in their league. It may not have been race that was the issue for these hot men of color, but guys seeing them fucking guys who are subjectively less hot than themselves that might encourage or embolden them to approach where before they didn't dare. The Middle Eastern guy I connected with was the most attractive guy in the place to me that evening, he was so very hot, handsome, furry, muscular etc. that a part of me felt he wouldn't be interested. I didn't listen to that part, and when we passed each other and paused looking at the action around us we said hey and I asked if I could touch him. He said yes and reached out to touch me and in a few minutes he was sucking my nipples and his finger was rubbing around and into my cum lubed hole as I fondled his hard cock and massive furry pecs and nipples. Next thing I knew he was fucking me like an animal in a public area and reaching up from my hips to grab my nipples as he fucked. We drew a crowd and after a rest he came back for another long round. If I'd seen what the OP saw with that group of hot men of color, I might have viewed it through the lens of their hotness being intimidating rather than it being an issue of race. That doesn't mean race wasn't an element of what happened, but it does teach me to look at more than one possibility. P.s. The OP also scoped their observation to their city but didn't identify it, or their location in their profile. I wonder what the racial demographics of that city are and what context it might add to their observation and question.

DoxyPEP is a great tool for fighting STIs and I think all of us who are sexually active should be on it. I am. One quick update: The latest science shows DoxyPEP as only 2% effective in preventing Gonorrhea and not in the 40%-50% range as indicated by the earlier research. Its efficacy for other bacterial infections (Syphilis, Chlamydia, etc.) is unchanged. I just cleared a G infection and I'd been only taking up to two doses a week as I'd been incorrectly told it was the max allowed. That is incorrect, take it whenever you need to! I'm following the new guidance now and will see if I get another G infection.

It's not at all surprising that a defining difference between gay men and others is that we can be highly focused on sex. After all, I heard sucking someone's cock referred to as "the gay handshake". When someone has historically been vilified for gay sex, is there any wonder that doubling down on gay sex was the response? As a result, we tend to start with sex and work our way to other things. I've lost count of the "hookup to friend" and "hookup to boyfriend" stories I've come across. I think we tend to do things in a different order, but I think we tend to go through the same stages as other humans in relationships. But we also are less likely to be slaves to the myth of romantic love, a relatively recent invention historically.

Words to live by.

Its good to see "total bottoms" used in a desirable context, since I mostly see it used as "no total bottoms" on the apps.

I understand this sentiment. Giving a man pleasure in my hole matters, but earning their seed is the gold standard for pleasuring them fully.

I wouldn't discount simply sliding into subspace. Like hypnosis, daydreaming, etc. subspace is a trance-like altered state of consciousness that experiences and stimuli can help us access. Maybe hypnosis greased the wheels, maybe not. Everyone has a baseline level of susceptibility and for some people it's easy to make the slide into trance. Wanting to be in trance is a BIG part of getting there.

Am I the only person who saw this as an object lesson of what a bottom should NOT do? It seems the bottom keeps putting his hand in the way to stop the top fucking, often just as he's getting into a good rhythm and starting to enjoy it. I get that we all have limits to what we can cope with, but I found it incredibly frustrating to watch. The top was hot AF (and one of my many types), but the video just left me cold because I felt the bottom underdelivered. The top seemed grateful at the end though, so... 🤷🏻‍♂️

After a hiatus we got a lot of plot lines moving forward and characters moving further through their story arcs. Experiences make their marks on us, so it remains to be seen how the Assmunch character will react when he finishes processing his sexual assault (I think non-consensual sex still counts as sex). We know some of Sleeper's backstory and what others have in mind for him, now we start to see who Sleeper is becoming and what he might have in mind for himself. It feels like this part of the story is setting up some bigger developments. I'm looking forward to seeing what they are. Thanks Assmunch!

It is a tough ask. Quality of life is an ineffable and individual thing that doesn't lend itself to easy quantification across the human population.

Men get hole. Once you present it, they get it until they are satisfied. Nothing changes the decision, but things you learn from the experience can make it more or less hot for both depending on how they are wired and their specific kinks. It doesn't signify to me as a bottom how a breeder identifies themselves. In that moment, they need to rut in hole to plant their nut. Attentive bottoms can use what they learn of the breeder (how they fuck, what the say) to make the experience better for them. Some men signal their straightness and their deeply repressed need to fuck and seed men with the urgency and intensity of their fuck. With some men, cheating on their wives and girlfriends is what drives them, or simply getting relief when their libido and needs aren't being met by them. There are plenty of men who just enjoy hole, fucking it as hard as they want, as long as they want, and as often as they want. They don't much care about what others think of them, just how good the hole was and when they can get it again. For bottoms, we want a man to fuck and nut in us with whatever energy and mindset they bring into the room and, when they are done, we want to do the same for the men who follow.

This genre of writing isn't my thing. In general, I think images that are discordant or conflict with what I imagine from reading a piece of writing ruin the experience for me. Since everyone's imagination is different, using images just invites readers to get hung up on how the images don't match what you see from reading the story. Layer on top of that the inauthentic and clearly unreal images from Generative AI and it's even more jarring for me. When I see a story or a post with these kinds of AI images I actively avoid reading them for those reasons.

It depends on your budget and what kind of community you want around you. It sounds like White Center, Delridge, and West Seattle might work for you as it's the area lots of gay men are moving to that's less expensive than around Capitol Hill. It's between downtown and the general area you mentioned. Are you looking for plenty of playmates around you at specific times? Walking distance to anything in particular? More naked friends are always better. I can connect you with some local nudists if that's helpful as well. Cheers.

Getting 100% of what you want now and in the future from one person is, in my experience, staggeringly unlikely. If that were the standard almost no-one would be in a relationship with anyone else. As Dan Savage often opines, and I've come to agree, there is no such person as "the one" who can give you everything you want. They might be a .75 and that's when we round them up to "the one".

In my experience, understanding how and why open relationships can work and might even be essential for some people is something that is more likely to happen the more life you live. Changes in needs and desires, illness, incapacity, etc. aren't things anyone plans on, but they do happen. Once it does, how do you move forward with someone you love? You find a way, and open relationships are one strategy. I prefer to give people the space to decide what works for them and not judge them once they do.