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Beautifully expressed!

It's frustrating when something we'd begun looking forward to doesn't end up happening. That said, app use is episodic, fundamentally. People go online when they're horny, when they're lonely, when they're not busy, when the wife is out, etc. Those conditions can change quickly. I don't understand planning sex with a stranger in advance. If one of us isn't in the mood when the time rolls around, we don't know each other well enough to fall back to "Mrs. Robinson, would you like to go to a movie?" When a guy changes his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong. I don't expect an apology or an explanation. It's pointless, because it doesn't change the outcome but does make me spend more time ruminating and feeling discouraged. Block me, or stop responding! There are plenty of other men online. (And if you didn't block me — it wasn't a hard no — and you want to get back in touch next time you're horny or your boyfriend is at work, please do. Maybe we'll end up meeting this time!)

Wherever you decide to apply it, I'll be eager to hear how things go / how tops respond to it. Thanks for suggesting temporary tattoos and mentioning a place that makes custom ones. (I'm a neg, PrEP top and have been curious about a biohazard tattoo, to see if it entices bottoms.)

Me too, hope you take a lot of cock! Please let us know how it turned out. I'm so glad to hear that glory hole places have reopened. Definition of "essential service"!

Very well said, @bbzh. The sad part is that, in most employment scenarios in most US states, it remains perfectly legal for a homophobic boss or company not to hire a job applicant, or to fire an employee, just because the person is gay. In states without employment protections for gay people, there might not be grounds for a lawsuit. Bad publicity would be possible if the company were a large, multi-state employer. By far the biggest risk to any company with systemic diversity problems is low productivity: the job applicants who are passed over, or the employees who are fired, might have been better performers than the ones who take their places. I brought up seeking professional advice about handling a report that an employee is homophobic, and proposed observing the employee's behavior during some sort of GLBT-themed speech or workshop, because reducing homophobia in the workplace is the right thing to do economically and ethically, if not also legally.

I hate this, and some "fussy" guys do it even when traits that don't meet their expectations are written in my profile or shown in my public pics. Engaging with these people is never worth it. Even though they initiated, they'll get mad at you when you point out that you don't meet their criteria. Repeatedly blocking, though it's annoying, seems to be the fastest way out. To save time, I also tend to block a guy who asks me for additional information or pics when his own profile is not filled out and he has no public pics. One guy asked for my location (my distance is shown, and my city is named in my profile) but got mad when I replied "see profile 😉" and politely asked his location (distance hidden, no city mentioned in profile). My guess is that non-reciprocal or unreasonably "fussy" Grindr users get more satisfaction from confirming that no one likes them or no one else lives up to their criteria, than from actually meeting people. Some might have the same psychological blocks as "incels". If anything, I feel sorry for them.

I agree with @badubydo that hearsay shouldn't be the basis of a promotion decision. That said, especially if this "big promotion" would give the employee responsibility for evaluating and hiring other employees, it is crucially important to determine whether the employee is homophobic. It's better to stop jerks before they can do economic harm. I'd suggest asking an employment lawyer for specific advice about following up on a report that an employee is homophobic. Reviews from other employees would not necessarily be hearsay, and multiple, independent reviews could give you solid information. Perhaps inviting a guest speaker from a GLBT speakers' bureau or other local GLBT organization, or scheduling mandatory anti-discrimination training, would give you an opportunity to directly observe the employee's responses to gay people and gay issues.

You hit the nail on the head. One of the reasons I left an HIV-prevention organization I'd been volunteering with for years was that the people were barebacking left and right but couldn't bring themselves to talk about it openly. This was in San Francisco circa 2001 — not even a conservative place or time! I thank bareback bottom "sluts" not only for the pleasure you create but also for challenging social norms.

Hot! Sounds like the bottom's equivalent to a first world problem! 😂

As an aside, if your friend wants to resume HIV treatment, please encourage him to inquire about ADAP. Working through the states, the federal government funds drug assistance for HIV-positive people with low incomes, limited insurance, or no insurance. Procedures differ from state to state, but a program exists in every state.

Quality S&M in San Francisco used to teach a thorough, practical and erotic class on rape role-play. I wonder whether the organization still exists. Surely there are similar organizations and classes in sex capitals like London and Berlin.

Good points. I think there's a Ph.D. thesis in there, with some very pleasurable research assignments to empirically determine the anatomical correlates of good cocksucking. 😁 In all seriousness, I really like your last point, which I'd sum up as self-awareness. You know what you are good at and what you are best at. You sound like a fun sexual partner! 😉

I agree that some cocksuckers have natural talent and some don't. I do think bad ones can be trained. In that sense, it's a shame I get so turned on by one-time encounters with new partners, because it takes time for a cocksucker to learn. In the worst case, grip the cocksucker's skull with one hand, hold their chin in the other, and fuck their throat just the way you like, until you flood it with cum. The world would be a happier place if all straight women and bottom-leaning gay men were required to pass a free, mandated course in blowjob technique once they turned 18. It really should be a graduation requirement. More and better blowjobs ⇒ less divorce, less crime, less war and conflict, less stress, better health, and longer lives.

I suspect it's related to the ever-improving protections in Apple's Safari Web browser and/or third-party ad blockers like AdGuard (if installed). Try going to Website Settings and turning Use Content Blockers off. To rule out hidden blocking by your Internet Service Provider, also try cellular data. (If you have a VPN, turning that off, or trying different endpoints, might also help.) In addition to slow or failed initial page loads in the last few weeks, I've found that login sessions sometimes don't stick as I navigate between pages on Breeding Zone, that reactions sometime aren't saved successfully, and that I can never save an edited post unless I turn off content blockers. One variable that changes constantly, without action by site owners or users, is the current code in JavaScript libraries downloaded from third-party sites. Modern Web sites, Breeding Zone included, depend on these libraries. The code runs inside your Web browser, and can slow things down in different ways, for example, by looking up, or making requests to, Web services that are blocked by Safari or by content blockers (if installed). I temporarily disable content blockers when I use features of Breeding Zone (and other sites) that aren't compatible, and then I re-enable the protections afterward. To access some sites, I temporarily disable my VPN. If you want to balance security/privacy against Web site functionality, toggling is better than permanently whitelisting sites or permanently disabling protections for all sites.

I empathize with everyone who has written about disappointing hookup app experiences. We can try to figure out reasons (if there are any) but it's important not to second-guess the negative feelings that result from a lack of interest or lack of follow-through on the part of other app users. With that out of the way, I will say that I've never had better experiences on Grindr than in the last month, now that I'm back online, fully vaccinated, most people in my community are partially vaccinated, and the local Covid-19 case rate is very low. I've been using Grindr for 11 years and am far from the intended user. I'm old, overweight, hairy, and not white. My dick, though thick, is of average length. To make matters worse, I'm a grower, not a shower, so it doesn't photograph well. Any way to meet people is a numbers game. The more people, the greater your chances of a match. So what if someone rejects me or doesn't follow through? One guy came over, after I'd sent a full set of recent pics, only to tell me that it wasn't going to work. No hard feelings! A few others turned out to be bad kissers or uneager cocksuckers, and I'm sure I've fallen short sometimes. At least we tried! There are 3.9 billion minus 2 [me, and the bad match] other men out there. A 25-year-old has every right to have preferences, and to reject me. It has nothing to do with karma, or a lack of wisdom. He might stay thin and muscular or lose his beautiful physique as he ages. Whatever the future holds for him, he should enjoy himself in the moment, just as I enjoy myself in each stage of life. If someone rejects me, I can only hope that he does it in a way that prevents unnecessary hurt. An immediate block minimizes the time spent, and helps prevent useless rumination about why I didn't measure up. A guy's preferences are subjective, i.e., particular to him; they do not reflect inherent defects in me. If you are attracted to people of a different skin color, or to thin, muscular, smooth guys, or to guys with specific facial features, you don't need to apologize, let alone to tell me the reason you're rejecting me. I can't change most aspects of my body. When people write that they are selective/strategic about what they reveal in profile pics, don't show their faces, etc., I wonder whether they might be setting themselves up for explicit rejection. If you plan to fuck a guy other than through a glory hole, he will see your face and body. Why not reveal everything, from the start? My age, height, and weight are accurate and are displayed in my Grindr profile. I show my face. I mention my race. I stopped being ashamed of my belly and my flabby chest, because this is my build; my upper body pic is now public. People who aren't attracted to me can block me before I might chat with them; not respond if I initiate; or block me then. Because there are no surprises, most rejections happen before there's any chance for unnecessary hurt. Apple and Google's app store rules prevent Grindr from allowing public dick pics, but if someone says in his profile that he's "hung" and/or "looking for hung", or he asks how big my dick is after I've sent him several pics privately, I know not to pursue. I hope he finds men with huge dicks! (I do wonder about guys who feel they need to write in their profiles that they are "muscular"; a public body pic should be enough to demonstrate that. 😂) I end my own profile with something like "please have a complete profile and public face pic". I ask this instead of stating any rules or expectations, because it's absurd to tell other people how they should look. Although I used to answer if a guy had enticing (to me) stats but no face pic, or if his profile was blank but he sent a private pic as an introduction, I now block or don't answer. I counted up those interactions over a month (just as I had done for guys into "hung"), and they were the least likely to lead to enjoyable meetings. If someone makes vague conversation, I know not to pursue. If he wants to meet, he'll tell me. Similarly, I will let the conversation taper off if a guy starts to display red flags. Hopefully he is smart enough to read this signal and not insist. I can come back later and block him, saving us both time and not giving him an explicit reason for the rejection — often a preference particular to me, something about him that he shouldn't change for other people or something that he couldn't change even if he wanted to. An example came up yesterday. A young, cute bottom messaged me from 20 miles away. I show my distance and name the city I live in, in my profile. He said he'd be happy to drive over "if the neighborhood is safe". (As it happens, my city is geographically isolated, and is well-known for having a high median income and a very low crime rate among East Bay cities.) Going back and blocking him later, after the conversation had tapered off, avoided a pointless discussion that would have upset him without changing his prejudices. I strongly recommend trying a premium Grindr subscription, if only to get access to full "who viewed you" data for one month. Count up those viewers! How many ended up contacting you on their own? How many were you interested in contacting, and did you end up contacting on your own? How many explicit rejections resulted? How many enjoyable meetings? What signals predicted rejection, or a good fuck? Even without a premium subscription, you can figure out how many people you have to chat with to actually meet one person. Show your full hand up front, screen lots of people without making them feel bad for not being what you want, and you are bound to find matches!

This thread is the best! Thanks for sharing these very personal, formative memories. Mine won't seem erotic in the least, but hopefully they'll make you laugh. I started masturbating very, very young. I had no idea what it was. I had discovered it while sprawled on the carpet, playing. Today I'd describe my early method as frottage or humping. Moving back and forth over the carpet, clothed, made my dick hard, and it felt good. After doing this for a certain length of time, it felt really good, and then the feeling stopped. I don't remember daydreaming/fantasizing at first. Soon, I did start propping open the underwear pages of the Sears or Eaton's (I grew up in Canada) catalogue. The catalogues I looked at had not evolved much from this somewhat older example: [think before following links] https://www.bac-lac.gc.ca/eng/discover/postal-heritage-philately/canadian-mail-order-catalogues/Pages/item.aspx?PageId=4047#shr-pg-pnlShareMain (link goes to the men's underwear section of the 1975 Eaton's department store catalogue, on Canada's national library Web site). Actual fantasies came later. They involved recalling TV or movie scenes showing attractive men in non-sexual situations, or showing glimpses of straight sex. Though we didn't have pay-TV and didn't even have cable at first, there was just enough nudity and sex on-screen to pique my curiosity. French-language films were broadcast unedited, whereas English-language material was heavily censored. (There was still a strong British, read, Victorian, influence in those days, but even today, airing the word "fuck" can cost a Canadian TV station its broadcasting license.) By Grade 5, I had learned to masturbate conventionally, with my hand. That, however, was painful at first, because the membrane attaching my foreskin to the head of my dick had not separated yet. I remember working it little by little, on days when I stayed home from school and was free to jerk off. New fantasies involved real men, like the man I'd seen in a swimming pool change room. He was fully erect and had a long, though thin, dick. (Nothing happened in the moment, even though no one else came in for a minute or two, because I was so completely clueless.) A favorite source of visual fantasy was the Canadian National Exhibition, a sort of giant county fair held in Toronto at the end of the summer. I enjoyed the fair in its own right, but I'd recall the hot, shirtless men weeks afterward. Another inspiration was softcore porn. Every summer, we'd drive to the US to visit relatives, staying in Holiday Inns or other similar hotels on the way. My parents had their own room, so I was free to sneak some late-night TV viewing in mine. By then, the hotels all had HBO. I still enjoy softcore/"Eurotrash" films, now for comedic rather than erotic value. I remember very clearly watching Emanuelle's Daughter (Laura Gemser, Gabriele Tinti) and an English-dubbed version of Les folies d'Élodie. When I was in Grade 7, my dad brought home a 2400-bit-per-second modem. (For modern people, that is barely fast enough to transmit two tweets in a whole second.) Eventually I stumbled upon phone numbers for "pirate" Bulletin Board Systems, and on those BBSes, I stumbled upon porn. It took a half hour to download one still picture! I downloaded straight as well as gay pictures. My favorites showed guys getting blowjobs, though once again, I was clueless about any real-life blowjob opportunities. I didn't have sex with anyone until I was 21, but my early masturbation fantasies still influence my sexual interests.

I agree with the many people who are tired of size queens and I also agree with @Phallarchist. As a top of above-average thickness but average length (6 inches), and a grower not a shower, I am glad when I see "hung" as a requirement in a bottom's profile. It's good for people to say what they want. I know to move on to the next bottom. I think the happiest people are ones who are open to trying. Rather than waste time on an advance negotiation that is limited to words and pictures, why not meet the guy and feel how he fucks? The competition that Phallarcist speaks of is real. Memorable fucks from guys with smaller dicks, that several people have mentioned, prove the point. Bottoms will only know if they are open to trying.

I was wondering about this, but I think it's different again, because apps distributed exclusively through Apple or Google's app stores, with no corresponding Web service, browser extension, or downloadable software, use Apple or Google as their payment processor. They don't have to contract with credit card processors, and aren't directly subject to rules imposed by MasterCard or Visa (although they are, as you mention, subject to the severe restrictions on adult content imposed by the app stores). There are of course other permutations. Media services like Bandcamp, Amazon Music, and Amazon Prime Video, which compete directly with Apple services, distribute their apps in the Apple App Store but don't use it as a payment processor. Users can access their existing libraries in the apps, but to buy new content, they have to switch to other platforms, such as a Web site or a program downloaded to a computer. These services necessarily contract with credit card processors. The password manager 1Password, and many VPNs, use a different model. They offer mobile apps, browser extensions, and software that can be downloaded to a computer. They accept both app store-based and direct payments, so they definitely have contracts with credit card processors. The app store restrictions and the forthcoming credit card restrictions definitely take away some freedoms. I believe that app store restrictions are, on balance, a good thing. I can accept having to share my naked pics in private channels in return for knowing that an app's publisher can't, without my explicit permission, track me beyond the app, share my contact list and my location history with third parties, and so on. I also appreciate knowing that there are clear policies for subscription renewals, refunds, and other payment-related issues. Paying by directly by credit card also provides important safety benefits to consumers. Laws and regulations govern transaction errors and disputes, and sometimes excuse payment if services are not received or are not as promised. I don't, however, agree with credit card company restrictions on porn. These are arbitrary, knee-jerk policies. The New York Times article that kicked off the restrictions was a sloppy piece of journalism, based on anecdotes — extreme cases, at that — rather than on systemic evidence. Shocked readers won't stop to ask whether the problems are truly widespread, and whether there are solutions short of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. One potential payments solution is a good old fashioned postal money order in the mail. It's anachronistic and almost subversive. It requires extra processing work and can't give the user instant gratification, but it is one way around excessive restrictions from credit card companies. (Taking a wider view, it also requires that porn purveyors and adult social apps continue to have bank accounts. The marijuana industry, in states that have legalized, still faces limited access to banking. Now that they've convinced MasterCard to essentially stop serving online adult companies, the pearl-clutchers may well target commercial banks that are willing to do business with adult companies.) I don't think cryptocurrencies are a workable solution in the US. There would be a steep learning curve for ordinary consumers, and real questions about consumer protection. But the biggest deterrent is line at the top of IRS Form 1040, requiring anyone who has and cryptocurrency dealings whatsoever during the year, to check a box.

You hit the nail on the head! Convincing a reluctant bottom to take my cock bare is a big part of the fun. I don't always win, but if I short-circuited the process by meeting avowed barebackers only, my dick would miss out on those delicious, tentative, warm, wet negotiations. The pleasure of winning justifies the occasional loss. (Consent is sexy, and if the bottom is a holdout but a nice person, I'll happily pivot to fucking his throat, making out, or even just chatting. The next one will take my bare cock up his ass.) A counselor for a PrEP study in which I participated years ago was eager to talk frankly about my bareback encounters. He shared this insight: most bottoms want to get fucked bare even if they say they don't. So that they will feel less fearful and less guilty — less responsible in general, for the outcome — they want to believe that going bare was the top's decision, not their own. "Just the tip" works surprisingly well. Or maybe, "don't worry, I'm just teasing your hole with the head of my dick", if the bottom is likely to recognize "just the tip" for the cliché that it is. Having a condom out, visible, and within reach, and saying, "I can stop and put this on whenever you like" really puts a bottom's mind at ease. The readily accessible rubber becomes a paradoxical prop. Before he knows it, the bottom is getting fucked bare, and it just feels too good for him to stop. Sometimes a bottom will let things go quite far, but still insist that I pull put before cumming. I'm fine with that because (a) I produce lots of precum, which is already coating his insides and (b) if his ass is good it's hard for me to time the pull-out perfectly, so the first spurt of cum might accidentally end up inside him. 😏 I'd love to hear more ideas for helping bottoms overcum a fear of bare cock...

Coming out as a barebacker (and also as someone who enjoys anonymous sex and open relationships) has been very important for me. The only way to change the misconception that gay men who bareback are immoral and unhealthy is to speak up. I remind my straight friends that most straight sex is bareback, and that this is unquestioned and completely normal. Why wouldn't gay men want the same pleasure and intimacy? Barebackers who are on PrEP, or who are HIV-positive and undetectable, are preventing the spread of HIV. Both groups, as a condition of receiving their medication, get periodic STI tests (and prompt treatment, if necessary). Attention to sexual health is a matter of routine for the bareback community. For my straight, young, sexually active friends, an STI test is an unusual event and the subject of fear, shame, and misinformation. I also remind my straight friends, and an increasing number of my gay friends (now that gay marriage is not only possible but also fashionable), that there are plenty of unhappy, lonely, and sexually unfulfilled people in monogamous marriages. There is room in the world for multiple approaches to sex and relationships. One way is not inherently better than another. I volunteer in public health / health research, and that's another area where I've had to come out as a barebacker. I wouldn't be authentic or useful if I couldn't discuss my own sexual practices. Two decades ago, I left an HIV prevention organization where I'd volunteered for years because the people couldn't admit that barebacking was rampant. The official message was condoms only, all the time. Pretending that something isn't happening is never a good approach to public health. Eventually, the organization hired a program manager who was a leader in the HIV-positive community. He began to challenge the dogma, pointing out that two HIV-positive sexual partners might choose to eschew condoms. A decade and a half later, empirical studies proved that U=U; we still have a lot of work to do to educate people that barebacking with someone who is Poz and undetectable constitutes safe sex. I will add that when my mom has visited, we've walked along Folsom Street together. She knows where the Gulch is and what goes on there, and she has seen the window displays at Mr. S Leather. What is there to be ashamed of? This is the person who made me. The need to explain Folsom Gulch came up because I was going to introduce my mom to the guy I was dating at the time. He and I talked about what we would say if she asked where we had met. He suggested, jokingly, that we say we'd met in a "bookstore", leaving out that it was an adult bookstore, much less one where men met for anonymous sex. A few years after I divorced my newly conservative, sexless, and closeted ex-husband, I met my current boyfriend on BBRTS. We'd love to record a non-traditional "success story" testimonial someday.

A hopeful note for the future — there are some studies of prophylaxis for bacterial STIs. Researchers have been considering doxycycline, an antibiotic that is generally well-tolerated, for daily or on-demand use by high-risk patients. In addition to the advice that others have given, I'd suggest checking whether there is an HIV prevention research site near you, and making contact. Participating in, or just finding out about, studies of potential new HIV and STI prevention methods can be empowering.

Cumdumps should be in a high-priority tier — maybe right after healthcare workers. Within the cumdump tier, the higher your 2019 load count, the higher your priority for Covid-19 vaccination. 😈😏 People with many contacts have an inherently high risk. LGBT people, as a marginalized group, tend to have worse health outcomes and less access to healthcare than the general population. Sex is important to everyone's wellbeing, and cumdumps dedicate themselves to serving large numbers of people. So, in terms of risk profile, equity, and overall benefit to society, we need to vaccinate cumdumps right away!

Really hot discussion! Depending on the cocksucker and the mood, I either like to slap or to caress. I'm uncut and thick (though totally average in length), and really need sustained, deep sucking. Sometimes, placing my hand gently on the guy's cheek motivates him. Even if he's a stranger I'll never see again, I find that making a connection enhances the blowjob. With some guys, being rough establishes that connection, and with others, being gentle does. Sometimes, it's hot to do both, starting off gentle and then slapping him once I know he's into it, or slapping him to let him know why he's there, and then rewarding him with some intimacy once he's shown that he can suck uncut cock properly. I remember a particular blowjob from when I was on a business trip to Ottawa, Canada. It's a civil service town with some deeply repressed people. (In California, Sacramento feels similar. I'm not sure about DC, as I haven't spent much time there.) The glory hole in the video booth was medium-size, i.e., not one of those holes where there's just enough room for the shaft of your dick. The guy sucking me was a civil servant type, in slacks and a button-down shirt. The blowjob was getting good. I reached my hand through the side of the glory hole. I could tell he was scared, as if I intended to hurt him. Instead, I caressed his face, and he really go into it, gulping my load down a minute later. If I could replay this today, I probably would slap his face the first time, just to give him an adrenaline rush.

Again, would people consider my suggestion of creating a separate thread to discuss their opposition to cheating, because opposition to cheating has nothing to do with the topic of the original post? Those opposed to cheating managed to create their own space (I prefer to use a neutral word, instead of a loaded one, like "refuge") by taking over this thread. How about setting aside a little space for others, by continuing in your own, separate thread? Reddit offers an example (at the level of forum topics rather than thread topics). People opposed to cheating have r/survivinginfidelity and r/adulteryhate , and those who want to discuss cheating (whether they participate, get turned on by, or are interested for some other reason) have r/adultery . The three communities coexist, with rules and advice to guide people to the subreddits that best match the content they want to engage with. If people were willing to create a separate thread, and if they decided to allow multiple viewpoints, my first question would be, how on earth can stealing — the analogy that keeps coming up — be considered a sexual practice? Cheating, on the other hand, clearly is a sexual practice. Shouldn't there be some space here for people who want to have, or to talk about having, sex in ways that contradict established social norms? Isn't that the point?

Wouldn't it be better for people who oppose cheating to start their own thread? What other solution can you think of to leave space for people who enjoy cheating, or who don't cheat but do get turned on by the topic? The original poster asked for advice about playing while everyone is stuck at home during the Covid-19 pandemic. Opposing cheating seems off-topic. One of the things I love about Breeding Zone is that there's room here to discuss a broad spectrum of sexual practices, including extreme ones. Unlike deliberately seeking or transmitting STDs, taking strangers' cocks and cum through glory holes, and other practices that are discussed openly and enthusiastically here, cheating is common and not extreme. (I mention this as a comparison of sexual behaviors, not as an endorsement.) Straight people cheat, married people cheat, heads of state cheat, famous fundamentalist Christian pastors cheat, there is historic evidence of cheating going back to ancient times, and cheating is one of the most common topics in literature. Do you mean to forbid the topic, either explicitly, or by drowning out discussions with negative replies? For a moment I thought I was reading r/survivinginfidelity on Reddit, and it was a boner-killer.