My first experience with a man - at a bookstore.

[archguy09]

This is my first post on BZ. It's not specifically bb sex but idk where else to post it haha.

So it was my sophomore year of college, second semester. Since being at school I had been chatting with a lot of guys on the gay meebo chat rooms and I was looking at gay porn constantly. I wanted to know and experience more.

I had started looking up sex shops in the area and found a local adult book store. I read a couple reviews but still did not understand what really went on there. I was still very inexperienced and stuff - I was just really curious. So one night I decided to go. I just wanted to check it out. I was not familiar with the bus routes so I decided to walk. It was a couple miles away I think and I didn't know how to get there so I got lost a bunch but eventually found it. It was a narrow white building with two levels. The windows had either been darkened or there was stuff blocking the view if the inside. There were a couple neon signs that said "adult DVDs" on the front. I was sooooo nervous. I had never even glanced at porn magazines in other locations and here I was going to a place that only sold those!

The entrance was on the side of the building. I walked in and a bell rings - it felt like the loudest bell ever - like it was announcing " here comes another perv with severe mental issues!" It smelled of cigarettes even after it was illegal to smoke inside. I try to stay under the radar and not make eye contact. I walk over to the DVDs on the wall. It's dark in the building and pretty old and shady. I guess the atmosphere fit my mindset. I was pretending to look interested in the straight porn while glancing around to see where the gay stuff was. After I spotted it I walked over but didn't even stop to look. I still felt like the owner would see me and judge me for looking at the gay stuff.

Then I notice that as the hall goes back into the building it gets really dark. I had no idea that this place had what I would later learn to be a "video arcade" where you pay to go into a booth and watch porn and jack off or whatever. I wander around for a not noticing some doors closed and some open, some with porn audio and some not. A few guys are kinda standing there in the back, some walk by me and say "Hey, how are you?". I had no idea that being friendly meant a lot more once I walked through the door. I notice a machine that despensed tokens (what you need to pay for the porn - like an actual arcade- cute eh?) so I try putting in a dollar and it wouldn't work. I fumble with it for a little while when this elderly man comes out of the dark and says "That hasn't worked in years, you have to get them from the counter" I tell him thanks. Crap, I had to face the guy at the counter and make it obvious I want to be a perv in his store. I give him a five and he gives me a ton of tokens.

With my treasure in my pocket I walk back down the hall- heart still racing- and go into the first empty room I see. I go in and turn around to close the door and a man stops me and asks "Can I join you?" I'm a huge pushover and do stuff to appease people so I'm like "uhhh sure" and let him in even though I wanted to be alone. I was confused why he asked to join me. Do guys usually watch stuff together? Did he expect me to do stuff in the same room? I thought fine I'll let him come in to have my room then I am leaving to go somewhere else. It was dark so I couldn't really see him clearly but he was probably in his late 30s and was shorter than me and had some facial hair - pretty average looking guy. He went to the other side of the room where there was a door I hadn't noticed yet. As he locks it he says "You have to remember to lock this one cuz guys sometimes will try to come in this door." I'm like "oh, ok." At this point I was still thinking I was the only gay guy and these other guys just come to get off by themselves after work or whatever.

He walks back to where I am standing (right by the door still) he gets some tokens out of his pocket and puts them into the machine as he says "So what do u want to watch? A gay one?" I say "I don't care" because at this point I was still planning on leaving. But I was still hesitant to let him know I was gay and didn't want to say "Yeah a gay one cuz I'm gay" so I pretended to not care. He clicks through the channels of porn and stops at a video of two young kids - twinks- sitting on a couch wearing army clothes I think. They are sucking each other off I think. The guy is still looking at the screen and with one hand he reaches over to me and grabs my crotch! I freaked out!! I froze completely!! I could not believe what he was doing!! Who said I wanted him to?! I didn't. How do I make it stop? I couldn't even talk. Not a muscle on my body even twitched. I was just staring at the screen. I didn't even know what the twinks on the screen were doing anymore because I was just thinking about what kinda fucked up situation I was in. Did I even enjoy it? It was dangerous and new. - I felt wrong. No one had ever touched me there besides my doctor. This guy was rubbing me pretty hard and I guess I liked it cuz I had a boner. After a bit he got down on his knees abd started to unzipped my jeans. OMG he is going to suck my dick! Should I leave? I don't know! I don't know! In an instant he had my cock out in his hand and heading towards his mouth. It was strange to see my penis in this context. Before, it was always in my hand - now it looked like someone had cropped my penis from a picture and pasted onto a gay porn background. My cock was in his mouth - what a strange feeling. Nothing like I had experienced before. Wet. Warm. Moving. I could feel his facial hair on my shaft and at the base of my penis as he slid his mouth up and down. I guess there is no turning back now. I can't believe this is where I'm going to have my first sex experience. This is a gross place. Nice job me.

He stops once. He was trying to make eye contact with me but I was weirded out and kept avoiding it. He was looking up and noticed my shirt. I had on a shirt from my community college that I attended my freshman year. He asked what the shirt said. Then he continued sucking me off. I looked at the screen again and the porn had run out. Instead of the screen going blank it was playing the movie "Master and Commander" with Russel Crowe but there was no sound. I thought that was weird.

So there I was watching the movie with no sound and this guy is sucking on my cock. It felt good but I still felt guilty. I could tell I was gonna cum soon. I don't usually cum while standing up, and because I was standing up I started to twitch and shake as I got close. My body tends to do that. - like if my foot is resting at a certain angle it starts to shake like crazy. That's kinda what happened with my legs. I had to reposition them to get it to stop but it still happened lol. So I shakily came in his mouth and I could feel him swallow my cum. He didn't stop sucking - he just kept on sucking. My dick was still pretty big and not limp. I think he sucked it for like 10 minutes or so cuz I didn't know how to end it. So I just leave? I just thought about that the while time. Eventually I just said "Hey I think I should get going. I have a lot of homework." He stopped. As I was zipping up he asked if I belonged to any gay groups on campus and I told him no. I awkwardly mumbled "thanks" and left the room. I felt like a slut. I walked past the counter and dropped all my tokens off at the front counter and walked out.

I remeber feeling so much guilt walking home. I was listening to a Aleisha Keys cd as I walked the couple miles home- I don't know why - I never listen to her but at this moment I wasn't doing anything that made sense to me. I vowed that I would never do anything like that again - that vow would last about two years.

[BrotherDeposit]

Hey arch! Everyone has to start somewhere. Nerves and awkwardness is a part of it. They "key" is consistency. The next time you visited that place would be easier than the first. Each situation (public toilets, baths, forest preserves) would be new. Once you get over the newness, you would not be nervous. My suggestion would be, work through the nervousness so that it doesn't keep you frozen. My 2 cents.