Is faggot a derogatory term or are gay men able to reclaim it?

[Guest VanpozBB]

Personally I hate the term faggot as it takes me straight back to high school and the almost constant verbal abuse I endured and as such I think any gay man using it to describe themselves is demeaning themselves and I think we should continue to be proud gay men.

However I know there are many different opinions and reclaiming words that were previously slurs has merit such as queer which is now as in your face as it gets so can you please respond to the poll. 

I appreciate all comments but this is intended for gay men only to respond from our perspective.

[Bottomb1ichbo1]

To me it's how it's used and by who uses it.  

[kinkysuBB]

Depends on circumstances. I agree re the reclaiming words thing. To that end, myself and friends would use it almost as a cheeky term of endearment.

I also find it a total turn on to be called a faggot in a dom/sub sex scenario.

A straight person calling me a faggot is a totally different story.

[BootmanLA]

Like the others who've voted thus far (early on), I think it depends on circumstances.

Beyond the issues of reclamation, etc., though, I think it's important to remember that if you're addressing someone with the term, their preferences absolutely trump anything else. No matter how liberated YOU might feel by reclaiming the word, if you call someone a faggot who's offended by the term, and you don't apologize/retract/cease using the term with them, you're not liberated, you're an asshole.

[subbytch]

When I'm being bred by a dom top, it's perfectly fine and appropriate.

Outside of a sexual context, it's pretty much fighting words.

[funpozbottom]

2 hours ago, VanpozBB said:

Personally I hate the term faggot as it takes me straight back to high school and the almost constant verbal abuse I endured and as such I think any gay man using it to describe themselves is demeaning themselves and I think we should continue to be proud gay men.

However I know there are many different opinions and reclaiming words that were previously slurs has merit such as queer which is now as in your face as it gets so can you please respond to the poll. 

I appreciate all comments but this is intended for gay men only to respond from our perspective.

For a long time, I had the same perspective as you -- it reminded me of school, constantly being picked on, slowly eroding self-esteem. But over time, I started to take a more "Princess Bride" approach to the word. (That word you keep using. I don't think it means what you think it means.) You can't hurt someone with a word if they don't accept your meaning. So, if someone calls me a faggot meaning a bitter old queen, then, no thanks, that's not me. But if you use it in the British schoolboy sense of a lower classmate doing tasks for a superior, then I can totally relate to being called a fag while I service a cock with my mouth or ass.   

[gwmxyz]

Everything can be reclaimed. Everything takes its meaning from context.  It is not insult which makes reclaiming difficult either - insult makes it worth the challenge.

What makes it difficult is when the term makes you a laughing stock.  It's why - in my view - the right response to things that annoy us (racism etc) is not to take offence.  It's to laugh at them as absurd. 

Hyacinth Bucket and Roderick Spode are the answer to our problems [sorry can't think of any less British or more up to date examples - I was probably  socially distant long before we had to be]

Like others, I don't myself use it much - I don't mind it either.  They can call what they like as long as they fuck me (within reason - the guy who insisted I on calling me a young girl -- was a bit creepy (but imaginative - I'm a bloke and the best part of 50 ). I ignored it - didn't stop the fuck, obviously.

[Guest]

Totally agree that it depends on the circumstances.  I would say it's not ok at all, unless it's part of an Alpha/Sub interaction.  Never ok in a social situation, from a straight person, or even another gay person until it's part of a sexual exchange.

[Bttm2go]

When I am being a sub it’s perfectly fine. Gets me into that headspace. Outside of that no. 

[evilqueerpig]

Faggot is a slur and gay is too polite, I prefer QUEER as it's "in your face"

[HungryHole23]

It really does depend on the situation.  I for one love filthy talk, especially when pinned flat as my ass is ploughed.  I guess women enjoy sweet nothings in their ear, I enjoy a panting top telling me what a faggot slut I am.  Different strokes for different folks I guess 😉

[manseeker]

i love verbal abuse as well as physical. i love being humiliated with being called a faggott, slut anything degrading . 

[ErosWired]

I have thought long about this since the topic was started, because I am conflicted, and because I dislike being told that I meant something I didn’t mean by the words I chose to use.

 I grew up in a time and place where I heard the word “fag” being said to and about me before I had any idea what it meant - and it was not a good thing then, and there, to be a “fag”. It made you a target for the societal haves in school to persecute because they could, and for the have-nots to persecute because there was no one else within reach. And I was a really late bloomer and didn’t even have a sexuality yet.

So for me, fag is a non-starter regardless of circumstance or identity of speaker. Faggot, however, strangely does not conjure the same overwhelming negativity in my mind, perhaps because it was not used nearly as often as a cudgel. I have heard gay men refer to each other as “faggot” in friendly, jocular terms, and it doesn’t bother me.

As a public sexual submissive and cumdump, I do sometimes get Tops who call me “faggot”, but that also doesn’t bother me, as the word seems to have taken on a specialized sub-meaning as it relates to men like me who will allow themselves to be bred by anyone. I am a no-cock-refused cumdump, therefore if that means I am also a faggot, then I own that. It’s the definition of me.

 If the Top were to call me a “fag”, that would be another matter, and would put a stop to the proceedings until we addressed the issue. I actually have no idea if any of the Tops who call me “faggot” are openly gay themselves, or whether it’s just the married “straights” or the closeted self-deniers.

Regardless, I think we should not be overeager to revive common use of a stereotyping and largely denigrating term even amongst ourselves, lest others feel emboldened to return us to a time when words were cudgels. People of African ancestry are still sharply stung by the use of the N-word by others even if they have reclaimed it for themselves, and autistics face a seemingly endless battle against the use of “retard” and “tard” (for the love of God, just don’t).

Frankly, I’d prefer not to label myself at all, but if I didn’t I’d never get fucked.

[shinelover]

For once in my life I'm actually in the majority. I do believe that it depends on the circumstances. If some guys out on the street (whether gay or straight) calls me a faggot, well, he might find himself on the receiving end of a throat punch. 

Kidding.

Maybe.

But when I'm getting fucked, if a guy is calling me faggot, that just sends me into overdrive. I'm not sure exactly why that is. It's just one of those things.

[steve-tmq]

A "Faggot" is the proper term for the lowest form of life and should never be used to describe a gay man but it is rightly used my straight or gay man when talking about that thing that "it(they) and us, all understand that it's only use is to be used and abused by others.