feeling bad after sex

[gaypigbb]

How do you guys deal with bad feelings coming after sex? It doesn't happen every time, but sometimes when I have sex, and cum, its like im switched off completely. The warm cum in my mouth that I had craved for so long, and that moments earlier tasted amazing,  suddenly makes me wanna vomit. Or the hot guy that just begged to fuck the hell out of me is suddenly not interesting anymore. I am not sure if it feels more like guilt or shame or something else? The times I am not turned off after sex is of course the best, when feel like I can keep going forever. But all too often I end the session because im not longer in the mood, then getting horny again 30 mins later..

How can I learn to really love the taste of cum, also after cumming myself? Or to stay turned on after sex? If I dont cum myself I never experience the problem, so of course, I can just be careful not to jerk off when getting fucked. But what about topping? I would love to breed a guy and felch out my cum, but only rarely I can get myself to do it... 

Anyone with experience about this? 

[PozTalkAuthor]

happened the first times I topped my ex; he was the first person whose sexual interest was mutual with mine, after 4 years sexless due to past depression for my poz status. The first one who felt easy having me barebacking him, thanks to the Undetectable Untransmittable matter but, as soon as I cum in -or over- him, I felt very guilty and uncomfortable. Never felt any unease when roles were opposite, with the neg man cumming in me.

Troubles havvened even if he was the person I was beginning to love, even if I rationally knew nothing could happen regarding HIV, maybe it was for my secret fantasies I repressed? For a long period I convinced myself that being a top was not my thing any longer. 

I overcame this discomfort with time, I always told my ex that I took it easier because of his attentions and aftersex cuddles; but looking at it coldly, I think I got comfortable with bb sex after finding common fuckbuddies who didn't ask -or care- about status. 

Now this is an old business, with my current man no guilt or whatever... He is different our feeling and attraction are more intense and has faced his old fears together with me. 

What it is, your sensation of nausea and discomfort even after oral? I'm not a psy or whatever and have no right or skills to suggest anything; but I feel that for us gay/bsx men homophobic culture we're grown up in, influences our experience -especially in sex-only encounters, let alone when/if HIV is involved somehow. With me, the quote "fell from the horse? Jump on it again!" has worked but who knows, I have the sensations there are few professionals capable to help us in the way we need.

[gaypigbb]

Thanks for reply! I agree that some psychological effects also can kick in, societal judgement on hookup culture, conservative view on anal and kink etc. 

But there is also this physical aspect. I love the taste of cum when I am horny. But after orgasm, I somtime feel disgusted by the same taste, and just want to vomit and clean my mouth. But regret few minutes later, when I get turned on again and want the taste of cum all over again.... What should I do?

[ffWhole]

You're not alone I think... maybe most men don't like to talk about it...
Once I've cum [I'm 63, bottom] I get this kind of switch off mood over me...
But I've noticed that if I stick to the environment - like a gay sauna - and just take a break. Go sit in the pool/jacuzzi/steamroom for a moment or while... my stamina for sex returns. Especially when I see sex happening around me again. 

I love real cumslut, kinky hard gangbang action and when I get back in the action and back in a sling than I'm good again... 
As a bottom I have a big problem getting a hardon so coming is very hard for me anyway.

So I like to wait with my climax until the end when I am close to leave the sauna or any other venue. I try to find a good top or preferably small group to get fucked by and if there is a bottom rimmer around who loves to suck and eat my ass out and maybe suck my small cock - even the better...
Get a top to climax inside of me and then shortly I like to climax hard as well. 

But sometimes...
Sometimes you'd wish - as a bottom - you could be like a woman and orgasm time and time again and just keep going. I've been told their orgasm is for some also hard and not as climatic as with men.

[BlindRawFucker1]

Part of these feelings have to do with the fact that you are male.

 

We cum, we sleep or lose interest for a while and we’re ready to go again.

 

Isn’t that something that women always complain about?

 

don’t worry about it.  Totally natural, in my opinion.

 

yes, a feeling of gay shame or guilt could play a part, but it is mostly physiology.

[KingB028]

Used to happen to me a lot. In the earlier stages. At first, i was struggling to deal with my sexuality. The guilt would totally consume me. I'd delete all contacts/emails, and clear out my porn. Only to find myself back at square 1, even worse than before.

Whilst it might not work for everyone, for me just accepting who i am helped. I'm a proud sex and porn addict. Just accepting that also helped me to cross the full bareback threshold. I live a hedonistic life, with no fucks given and no regrets. To put it simply, i just continued fucking until all that guilt and sadness was gone. I'm also extremely lucky to have found a partner who not only understands my needs, but encourages me aswell. 

Just give yourself some time, it won't happen overnight

[WestPhillyGuy]

12 hours ago, gaypigbb said:

How do you guys deal with bad feelings coming after sex? It doesn't happen every time, but sometimes when I have sex, and cum, its like im switched off completely. The warm cum in my mouth that I had craved for so long, and that moments earlier tasted amazing,  suddenly makes me wanna vomit. Or the hot guy that just begged to fuck the hell out of me is suddenly not interesting anymore. I am not sure if it feels more like guilt or shame or something else? The times I am not turned off after sex is of course the best, when feel like I can keep going forever. But all too often I end the session because im not longer in the mood, then getting horny again 30 mins later..

How can I learn to really love the taste of cum, also after cumming myself? Or to stay turned on after sex? If I dont cum myself I never experience the problem, so of course, I can just be careful not to jerk off when getting fucked. But what about topping? I would love to breed a guy and felch out my cum, but only rarely I can get myself to do it... 

Anyone with experience about this? 

Similar here. Once I cum not only does my cock get soft, but interest drops off too. Been that way from the start. Now I much better of continuing. It took work on my part to get past the orgasm. I'm a whole lot better of continuing now. One thing that still hasn't changed is it takes awhile for my cock to get hard again. Second, or even thrid cums are not as intense and smaller loads.

[tallslenderguy]

i think it might help to distinguish between physical and psychological, even though there is overlap/connection between the two. 

Physically, there is a refractory period, here's some info on that: 

"It all has to do with the changes in your body that occur after you have an orgasm. Post-ejaculation, “your penis becomes flaccid from neural signals telling your body to relax," explains Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, Urologist at Orlando Health and Assistant Professor at UCF College of Medicine. "Dopamine and testosterone levels drop, and prolactin [a hormone produced by your pituitary gland] rises."

Elevated prolactin levels post-ejaculation could play a role in your inability to get it up again. "Increased prolactin and subsequent lower testosterone is like a double whammy affecting your sex," says Brahmbhatt." 

[think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19524569/refractory-period/

Psychologically is more complex, or individual,  i think. There are culturally, and other,  conditioned  psychological generalities we could identify, but our psychological experience and response to our environment  is individual. For instance, i grew up during an era when being gay was generally considered to be "sick, perverse, etc.." Add to that that i also grew up in a conservative religious culture that considered being gay as "sinful, broken, rebellious against 'God', etc.."  So there was a double force conditioning me against who and how i am. i can look back and see how, when and why i built my own proverbial "closet."  i had a lot of garbage to walk through before i got out of that landfill and into open, free country (so to speak).

Even though things have changed vastly socially, there are still a lot of overt and subtle influences against being gay or bi, and it's often the subtle ones that affect us most i think, the ones the fly under the radar. 

i think guys have it a little harder when dealing with the psychological side of life. Part of most guys cultural conditioning is "women are emotional, guys are rational." Yeah, i'm way oversimplifying it, but generally speaking, i think culture has conditioned guys against being in touch with their emotions. Guys have the same emotional brain centers as women, denial doesn't change the fact that  both sexes have an amygdala. Yes, thee are differences, but there are also similarities. Bottom line is, it's harder to deal with something if one is in denial of even having those things to deal with. Sorry, getting into the weeds here. 

Where i am going is, in my experience (for what anecdotal vs science is worth), it took time and a lot of processing for me to see and understand the affects of cultural conditioning on how i felt. Once i did that though, and reached a place of not only rational but emotional self acceptance, i haven't experienced a second of guilt or shame sense. For me, the key was finally grasping that my ideas about "God" were conditioned, not fact. Once i truly grasped that, the change was instant. i didn't rebel against my condtioning, i saw through it, honestly and really and i was, subsequently, free and at peace. 

Edited December 13, 2022 by tallslenderguy

[URS2USE]

i'm the same, gaypigbb...

That's why I practice orgasm denial.  i'm not ashamed or feel bad about engaging in sex, i just shut off, like someone flicks a switch.  i'm bi, and it doesn't matter whether it's with either sex...don't know why.

[SouthernCumDump]

I, too, have experienced this in the past and still do occasionally. Not sure why, but I’ve always been curious as to why me having an orgasm caused it to become uncomfortable to continue bottoming.  If it’s pleasurable before, it should be pleasurable after.  
 

Over the years, I have noticed one thing, though - if my orgasm is due to penis stimulation (whether or not in combination with stimulating my pussy), this effect is almost always experienced.  However, if my orgasm is completely due to stimulation of my pussy, I can keep going without hesitation.  When I think about it, I’m always quite curious as the physiology behind this phenomenon. 

[hntnhole]

Thanks, guys, for these most interesting replies.  This is one issue I didn't realize existed.  Now I know more than I did an hour ago.  Pretty cool, right ???

[gaypigbb]

I am so happy that you all engage in this conversation, it is goo to know I am not alone in feeling this way. And it is an important issue, obviously, that many of you recognise. And we should really not only talk about the good stuff, thats what we need in a community like this.  

I agree very much with the diviion into the two factors phys/psyc, they both play a role. Maybe the best solution is to avoid cumming before I am really satisfied for the session/night. Or not at all, if I am bottoming the greatest pleasure isnt my own orgasm after all.  Then I can continue to felch, swallow, getting cocks everywhere, and enjoy it as much as possible. And still climax, but only when I am not in the middle of all the pleasure. 

As you understnad the cum-play and taste is very important for me, as it is that which is most dramatically destroyed after cumming.

[NWUSHorny]

I can't say that I've really ever felt bad after sex. I know it is somewhat unusual, but one of my favorite things in the world is to breed a guy and then flip over and have him, or someone else for that matter, start fucking me. I find that is the easiest way to speed up my refractory period, even in my 50s I'm hard and ready to fuck again after getting fucked for 10 minutes, multiple times. In July I think I came 4 times on 3 consecutive nights in those situations.

[blkboibtm]

I can't say I have ever felt bad after sex for just the sex.  I felt bad earlier in my sexual journey when I started cheating on my first bf, but that was cause I was grappling with the sense of betrayal.  I was okay with my sexuality by the time I first had sex.  The first couple of times I gave head I felt some kind of way, like I wanted to do it but kinda felt wrong.  I have had certain experiences relating to the person or situation i.e. rape, cheating, but the only time I can think I have felt bad afterward is if I've been using sex too mask like depression, or grief.  

[MuscledHorse]

Part of what you are feeling is the rush of serotonin and oxytocin subsiding but much of the "feeling bad" afterwards can be traced back to the unnatural but religious based sexual programming (ok, let's be honest, religious sexual grooming by Christianity) you've been subjected to since you were a boy. Males are raised to hide their penis in shame and feel guilty about having a libido. If the act of fucking occurs outside of a sexually monogamous marriage it is deemed dirty and sinful, but if the same act of fucking occurs under those specific conditions than the fucking somehow magically transforms into the Ultimate Expression of Pure Love. Western society is raised on this view of sexuality from such a young age it's often hard to see it for the unscientific crap that it is, so you feel subconsciously guilty and ashamed without realizing that's what it is. Let it go and revel in the memory of the Lust you've just enjoyed.