NiceHard1

Try Man Caps. I have gotten them at health product/supplement stores in SF and WeHo and liked them. http://mancaps.com/

I love fucking my boy in a variety of positions, and love making out with him too. But I too find that I do best getting him doggy style. I can give him a really great pounding, hold him down and then shoot deep inside of him

I think that many HIV educators/workers who are not "out in the trenches" having sex with other men do not understand the reality of needs and desires that shape the actions of gay men. Many think that we solved this years ago telling guys to just use condoms, and don't understand why that message has not worked. Thus, I think the first important message is to ask HIV workers to not to be judgmental and not suggest that guys are crazy for not using condoms. Suggest that workers should be open to understanding that it is not as simple as that. A big motivator to bareback is a subject that most men (gay or straight) don't want to bring up: Its about the erection! Many guys after hitting 30 (sometimes even younger) have a hard time staying hard using rubbers. One could argue that guys who bottom who are at the most risk could insist that tops wear condoms - but they get the erection issue too. They know that many guys who they might like to get fucked by can't do it with a rubber. Requiring tops to use a condom may mean not getting fucked. Many guys are not trying to become poz - they are just trying to be sexual, and learn that barebacking is sometimes the only way to do it. Let guys know that though being poz is no longer the end of the world, it is still nice to stay neg if possible. It is certainly fine to continue to promote the idea that condoms are an effective way to prevent HIV transmission, but if its not going to work for a guy, then don't continue to harp only that line, but be open to talking about alternative harm reduction strategies for guys who want to choose to bareback Harm Reduction Ideas - Get tested regularly for both HIV and other STIs - Consider meds like viagra to help stay hard if you want to use condoms - Avoid pnp/drug use - it can impair your judgement and choices - Consider PrEP (If you're open to becoming poz and eventually going on HIV meds, why not go on HIV meds now, and perhaps prevent HIV) - Serosorting for HIV neg guys only is not an effective strategy ("Neg" may not always be neg; "poz" not always a high risk) -Topping is less risk than bottoming -Listen to your instinct. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Its OK to say no, even after you're naked. -Ask a neg partner: how often do you get tested? When was your last test? (long time ago? more risk) -As a neg top: are you exclusive top? (less risk if he never bottoms) -Ask a poz partner: are you taking meds? (not on meds, higher risk) -Ask a poz partner: how often do you get HIV lab work? What is your viral load? (Don't put words in his mouth by asking if he's undetectable, ask what viral load is.. but if he is undetectable - less risk) -Pulling out before cumming may be less risk, but not always. Pre-cum can transmit HIV, especially if high viral load guy -Are you really really comfortable with being poz if it happens? -Do you have insurance or live in a state with good public health? -Suggest having negative guys read the information for guys who have just seroconverted NOW - while still neg - to see how they feel about if if it happens. Check out www.projectinform.org for good info for newly converted guys. Hope these ideas can help your discussion, and be helpful for other guys too

Agree. You can bareback and have a harm reduction strategy. Each additional layer that you add can further reduce your risk: -Being only a top reduces risk -Bottom taking HIV meds (either becuase he is poz, or on PrEP) reduces risk for the top -Neg top taking PrEP (where available) reduces risk -Poz bottom who is undetectable reduces risk -Both of you get tested for all STIs regularly reduces risk of STIs and HIV -Being circumcised may reduce your risk as the top -Following your instinct if something does not feel right reduces your risk

Perhaps consider less about the age criteria, and look for guys who share the same interests and values that you do. Age can be just a number and if a guy has what you are looking for, be open to seeing what he is all about.

App - Don't beat yourself up about it. You are human, and you are male, and you did what probably most of us on this site have done. You're not crazy or bad. It happened, and you can't change that. So what to do next... -Recognize that this decision or others that you have made are ones that have some risk. -Get tested and find our where you stand -If you're poz, then you'll need to learn how to handle that to stay healthy, and know that its not the end of the world. -If you're neg, then time to do some soul searching and decide what you want for yourself and what your priorities are. If you realize that you really are not prepared to become poz yet, or maybe that you are prepared to, but want to choose to stay neg, then you'll need to come up with a harm reduction strategy that includes only the level of risk that you are comfortable taking. If being a sexual pig bottom is more important, then choose to do that, knowing that it will just be a matter of time before you become poz. You could also consider going on PrEP to prevent HIV - it really works. Most importantly though is to do whatever you do intentionally and with choice rather than by chance.

Its not what "they" did to you, its what you chose to accept for yourself. I agree with others here that if they really are undetectable, then a low risk. But you have to trust that they really are undetectable, just as you would have to trust that a guy who says he is negative really is negative. If they are not undetectable, then precum, or pre-ejaculation sperm would be high enough viral load to convert you. How do you lower your risk? - consider sticking with guys who you know and really trust to be on HIV meds....or consider going on PrEP yourself

Colby- I do agree with some of your points as well. Email and posts can often be challenging, as it is hard to convey tone. At first I thought that you were sounding a bit harsh and judging, and hope ou are not, but your thoughts include good points that guys should consider. If they are chasing as a means to counter low self-esteem or to look for acceptance, perhaps that would be important to try to address in other ways before doing so in a life-changing way. Now this may not explain everyone. And there may be guys who have a positive outlook, pardon the pun, and know what they are looking for

I think that there is a connection and parallel to pregnancy. I am totally fascinated by pregnancy and love talking with my female friends who are pregnant. Many are amazed at the physical process that happens, aside from the part about giving life to another. A mans sperm gets into the body and makes a physical change to the partner's being. I think that some men have tht same kind of impregnation craving. We often use the same exact terminology too. Lots of women have sex too and take sperm without getting pregnant, but it is that ultimate experience of being impregnated that is forever life changing and one that many women, and some men want to experience at some point in their life Now let me add that I am not saying that I promote this...much like I would not tell my women friends to go out and get pregnant until they are certain that they are ready for that stage in their life

I personally don't do any drugs myself but I think you all now that I lose to fuck. I have often found it hard to find guys who are piggy into bareback but not into pnp, but lately, I have been seeing a greater number of guys on BBRT checking the "hell no" box to drugs. I had seen any cases of guys ruining their lives, losing their jobs, including, in one case, a guy who was formerly a registered nurse with a great career lose his nursing license. In another case, I know a young guy (other blog comments here) who ignored his HIv health, and now is seriously ill with AIDS related infections from a completely deteriorated immune system. I think we should do more to encourage our friends here to move away from pnp

If you have not seen the documentary "How to Survive a plague" you really want to see it. In the documentary, you can see the work that a small group of guys did in the 1980s to gain access to the life saving HIV meds that have been keeping many of us alive. You will also see some great history of Spencer Cox, a young guy responsible for much of these advances. What you won't see in the film though is what happened two months ago: Spencer Cox, a person most responsible for getting these life saving meds for us, died of AIDS - by choosing not to continue taking the very meds that he fought so hard to obtain. Why he died is a mystery. Some are speculating drugs. Others wonder if it is a version of fatigue from living with HIV for so many years, or loss of purpose after having accomplished the goal of winning HIV meds. The NYT article below goes into sme of the detail, but does not have any answers. Whatever the reason, it's an unfortunate loss. Many of us should pause to reflect our gratitude to our young brother Spencer for all he has done for us. You will be missed. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/fashion/what-really-killed-spencer-cox-aids-activist.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Hey Lemond - watergarden can be fun - like any place, always depends on who is there. I think you're more likely to find guys to play safe at watergarden than at Steamworks. Have your condoms and lube clearly out on the table in our room, and that will set the tone and the message of what you're looking for, and you'll be better able to attract guys who are cool playing safe, and let guys walk by if they are only looking for bareback.

Consider coming to GNI in PA in August. It is one specific week. It's not clothing optional, but naked required. I'd like to get a breeding zone/BBRT cabin together for those interested Check out www.gaynaturists.org

I've been talking with several guys now who thought that they knew what they want, and then after reality set in, thought differently, which I think means that they really had not thought it through in the first place. In one case, which I wrote about here, a guy regretted it after bottoming with me, and went on PEP. In another case a guy has recently received a positive rapid test result, and so now is waiting for a higher sensitivity test result to confirm it. He knew his risks though had not been really chasing. He knows that the second test is likely going to confirm the first one, and now he is anxious and confused about his choices now that it has happened. I would recommend a couple of things... Read more postings on here from me and others talking about the issue. Also go to www.projectinform.org and read through the three to documents hat they have there to talk about what to do now that you have become poz. Try to visualize getting a positive test result, and read through those documents as if it is a reality - as if the things that they talk about are the things that you will need to do for the rest of your life if you want to stay alive and keep HIV from progressing. I think that in many cases, people don't really learn enough about HIV until after they are positive. So take the time now to learn as much as you can before, and let that help inform your decision.

I love to cum and love it when another guys cums. I personally have no problem with a guy who cums vey quickly or one who fucks forced and takes s long time to cum. Both are equally good

I agree with others here that your err was in bringing guys into the house. You are the guest, and that is an invasion of their privacy. Even when I am staying with other gay friends, I don't bring guys into their homes. I had a gay friend visiting me here who stayed for about a week, and even though he is someone I had sex with and also played with other guys with, I was pissed off to learn that he had posted messages on Craigslist and had guys over to my house while I was away at work. (I had other friend who told me that they saw the ads). The issue is that we all draw the line in different places over what is acceptable for ourselves, and then apply that same standard to everyone else. Few people are able to appreciate that someone else's line may be in a different place than their own, and that this may be ok for the other person even though not something they would do themselves. My ex, for example thinks it is risky just picking up a guy in general who he doesn't know, nevermind the risk level of the sex. I personally draw the line at drugs. I think that is unhealthy for me, but don't judge others who want to include it for themselves, though I for one I don't want to be around it. Now this is not to disregard the lines that others draw, and should look at their views sometimes to help us reevaluate our own, but then to make our own choices for ourselves. It sounds like you may actually question some of your own choices, apart from what your family thinks, and that is good to do. That is great that you are even seeking a professional to discuss it with, and while they may be a little less judgemental, they too will draw the line somewhere. They will probably ask you to consider if you are hurting yourself with your behavior. And even that is a challenging question. But to your family, the cat is out of the bag, and so if you want to keep a relationship with them, you need to address it. Perhaps apologize for bringing strangers into the house and admit that was wrong. You don't need to divulge everything that you did with them and you can say that. It is enough to acknowledge that it was wrong to bring them into the house period. You may choose to share that you acknowledge their concerns for your behavior, and that you are actually seeing a professional to seek advice on it (notice I don't like to say seeking help - as it is not clear that you need help. But advice is a good thing.) In the end, it's about you being comfortable with the choices and risk that you take, and with the possible consequences of them.

Yes. I had fun there too!