tallslenderguy

Lol, right? It took awhile, but once it dawned on me, it was in my face.

Wow, some amazing stories and discussion in this thread, i am floored and saddened by many of them. Thank you to all the genuine participants, i am grateful for your openness, vulnerability. For me, that is the essence of 'sex' for me, the bond, connection that can happen when two guys are being real and exposed. i have never been raped. As a teen, a guy looking to be in his 30's picked me up in his car with some intent. It was a really strange experience. i was 15 and well aware of my attraction to guys, but i considered my desires and feelings wrong, so i was ambivalent at best, and mostly homophobic. He made up a story about wanting to know where the hospital was, that his wife was there. i started to give directions and he asked if i had the time to show him. i was a totally naive kid. His car was pretty beaten up, holes in the seats, a real beater. As we were headed towards the hospital, he pulled into an abandoned parking lot saying he wanted to smoke a joint before going. i was a religious kid, so my mind was on doing him a kindness, but i had been around a lot of drugs at that point because my older sister and her friends got stoned a lot, and i was sort of their mascot. So, while i didn't get stoned myself, i didn't think much about it. When he had parked, he told me that the joint was under my seat, so i went to retrieve it and he said, "no, i need for you to watch out for anyone, I'll get it." He was pretty elaborate and i was a completely naive idiot. His head was practically between my legs as he was 'looking for the joint' under the passenger seat i was sitting in. He told me it was "stuck" and put his hand on the seat between my legs and started pushing on the seat, ostensibly to shake it loose. He kept telling me not to look down at what he was doing, but to keep a look out, and his hand pushing against the seat between my legs started rubbing against my penis too, and i started getting hard. Suddenly, it dawned on me what he was doing and i turned red and was afraid, but i played along because i didn't want him to know i knew, i went into what for me was survival mode and told him i needed to go now, that i had somewhere i had to be. He tried to convince me, but i was gently persistent that i had to go. So he drove me back to where he had picked me up off the street i'd been walking on. He had to get out of the car to let me out because he'd apparently removed the interior handle to open the car door on the passenger side. After he let me out and drove off, me still pretending all was normal, the fear and simultaneous relief set in and i started shaking like a leaf, realizing i'd dodged a bullet. Yet, later, i masturbated remembering and replaying what had happened. i can trace my sub nature back as far as 7 years old. Retrospectively, i understand that before i learned how to hide who and how i was, i attracted what were probably dom boys who also didn't know who and how they were at that age, all the way into early teenage, and especially in an era where "gay" was still considered sick and deviant by the general population, never mind Dom/sub. i think a lot of dom kids expressed through being bullies, not knowing how else to act? And i was the constant victim of bullies till i was about 14 or 15. i moved from L.A. at 12 to a tiny resort town where the school only had about 12 boys my age. Every one, except one, bullied me daily, it was awful. i ended up having a crush on the one that didn't bully me. But i learned to hide my sub nature and by 14 had moved back to L.A. and was mostly left alone. i became very religious, mostly because i was ashamed about my attraction to guys and thought 'god' would help me change. As an adult, i started practicing martial arts and did so for about 25 years, and i know now that was compensatory on my part. When i started having sex with guys at 27 years old, i was almost always bottom. After being with >1000 guys, i can count on two hands the number of guys i have topped, and that was long ago. It wasn't until i divorced and accepted myself about 15 years ago that i started to understand my sub nature and put the pieces together. That's where a lot of my understanding of why and how i was bullied came in. i realize now, that before i learned how to hide my nature, it was like i had a target painted on my back and of course, the guys i attracted were naturally dom, but immature and as unaware and ignorant of their own nature as i was of mine. As an adult, having to work through all the bullying and the scars it left was hard enough. i cannot imagine having to process through rape, especially having a sub nature. To this day, i still do not respond to bullies. They have the effect of shutting my sub nature down, sending it into hiding. The few who have presumptuously tried to force me physically stopped really fast when i reacted as a martial artist. One guy went from being on top of me to being under me before either of us realized. It was instinct for me, but i could see the shock and fear in his eyes. my point is, i am still sub. i have been from as young as i can remember. But my sub nature only opens or responds to a certain type of Dom, and that is definitely not one who feels entitled. Submission is something i give, not something one takes from me, and the dance where that happens is complex and intricate. The physical part of it is there, but pales in comparison to the psychological side of it... for both me and my Dom. i think of force, rape, as often being distortions of Dom/sub nature.

i love that anything can be discussed in this community. Evolutionists theorize that attraction to youth and beauty is about survival, reproduction. Not really a factor when it comes to sex between guys. Do gay guys still have those instincts? i ran a marketing business for many years. It's common knowledge among sales people that buyers buy based on emotion, not reason. i think sex is probably similar. We can think and reason this out, but ultimately or choices about who to have sex with are not based on logic or reason, but complex emotions that we may not even be aware of, let alone understand. That's why i think discussions like this are fantastic and one of the reasons i love the BZ community. For me, sex is better when i it goes beyond the physical. Sex for me is about connecting with another guy. Penetration, insemination, even 'impregnation,' can be so much more than a physical act, it can be mental and emotional. It can be a deep experience of discovery of self and another, of connection and bonding. i think this discussion can be, in part, about not limiting our opportunities of experience due to bias, be they culturally condoned or otherwise.

? We're still learning about space travel too, but that has not kept science from getting us to the moon. It's likely we'll never know everything about anything, but that does not have to preclude efforts at progress.

To me a Cock is more than the organ between the legs., it’s also internal, so it depends for me. Like Eros, i don’t consider myself fucked if I dildo myself, or a machine, it has to have the desire and intent of a Top to qualify as fucking, but if that is present, even His pinky counts as a “cock”, dildo, enema, etc.

Obviously some guys are into this, but i don't get into being forced or bullied at all, it has the opposite effect on me. To me, any guy who has to use physical force doesn't know his real power. For me the most effective humiliation/degradation is what i perceive as "affectionate" or "matter of fact" behavior where the Top clearly understands the effect He has on His bottom and know how to elicit submission from him. For instance, piss. A top might force or bully a bottom to take his piss, but has he really gotten full submission? For me, the real power dynamic happens when a Top knows how to use His power and position to get the bottom to crave Him, His pleasure, in this case, His piss, to the point He will sincerely even beg for it. The Top can smile with understanding that He didn't just force His bottom to take something, but got His bottom to want and need it.

Thanks for the responses guys. i'm working on reversing the blood glucose with diet. There is some info that associates Biktarvy with diabetes 2 (DM2), and weight gain, what i haven't found is info stating which comes first. DM2 is caused by excess intracellular fat so wondering if the Biktarvy association is related to the increased weight/fat gain vs a direct correlation between DM2 and Biktarvy. my BMI has never been above normal, but when i am at the bottom end of normal, i loose trunk fat which is a marker for insulin resistance, so i'm in the process of losing that and working toward a lower BMI, especially reducing my fat ratio. my suspicion is that Biktarvy is not necessarily causative, but is a factor. Going to talk with my ID doc on Thursday and consider continuing and see if i can affect this through diet. my metabolic panel blood work is perfect, but i'm now detectable (85 copies on the HIV RNA Ultra test), and have not been for a long time, so that all by itself may necessitate a med change.

i started on Biktarvy about 11 months ago. i'm a nurse, so pretty experienced in assessing. i smelled sugar in my pee, so bought a glucometer on Amazon, and my fasting blood glucose was in the 120's-130's. i had upcoming labs for my routine HIV status screening and so asked my ID to add on an A1c (test for diabetes). It was 7.2 which officially makes me type 2 diabetic (DM2). i'm a tall guy and my BMI has never been over normal, though it has crept up to the top in of normal range. i did some searching and turns out Biktarvy does have some association with DM2. It's hard to know if it is causative, but looking suspicious and it does have a history. Anyone else run into this? i have an appointment with my ID this Thursday and anticipate a med change, i also tested in the detectable range as well, so i am questioning the Biktarvy. In my searches i have also found HIV meds with lamivudine (e.g. "Dovata") have some possible effect at reversing DM2, some have suggested it as a off label treatment for DM2. i have read mixed reviews on Dovata, but that's true about all meds. Plus, there are other meds with lamivudine. Interested in anyone else's experience with the HIV meds and new onset of DM2, if you made the connection and discontinued the med and reversed the DM2? Or any other info you care to share. Thanks guys.

i don't, i have critical care certification (PCCN). Good luck and thank you for doing this.

I've been curious about this too. IV Remdesivir (an HIV med) is standard treatment for Covid positive patients. i'm a critical care nurse and currently have >1000 hours of directed care with Covid + patients. When we started using remdesivir, i naturally made the connection. So many of the meds we use simply don't have evidence supporting them because that takes time to study and produce. Also, many of the meds we use (off label use of drugs made for other purposes) are used with the rational of addressing symptoms. For instance cytokine response syndrome (CRS, aka "cytokine storm") is a hyper inflammatory response to the virus that ends up killing a lot of people, so we give things like steroids to blunt the inflammatory response. i currently have both doses of the Pfizer vaccine on board, i'm hopeful. The Johnson & Johnson vaccine is also showing some hopeful effect in trials with Covid poz patients. Yay science.

i question whether a cum dump ever "used up?"

Critical care nurse here with about 1000 hours of direct Covid patient care experience. More than enough first hand experience to know i do not want the disease and would rather take my chances with a vaccine than the disease. i've had both vaccines, my only known side effect was a sore arm for <24 hours. my peers that i work with have had similar experiences. Some, a minority, have experienced other side effect like head ache, malaise, etc. that they desribe as coming on quickly, and departing just as quickly after <24 hours. This is all anecdotal, subjective information. i took the vaccine, not because i believe it's perfect or a panacea, but because it's the best defense we have so far against Covid. i am chagrinned by the number of people with no science background who think they can read a few internet articles and conclude they know enough to not only debate with, but somehow believe they know more about this than people who do this stuff for a living. i sort of get it. This can effect you personally, but so can catching the disease. But don't fool yourself, that is an emotional decision, not one based on evidence or knowledge and understanding. Most of us would not think of questioning or debating a rocket scientist about whether or not a rocket will fly, but as complex as the human body is, some seem to think a google search will inform them enough to question and debate not just one micro biologist, but a majority of healthcare scientists (it's not just one person involved in making and approving a vaccine, or even a few). i know this comes hard to some, but when it comes to vaccines, most of us will exercise a degree of trust or distrust, not informed understanding. One cannot learn things like microbiology and physiology after reading a few articles, these are disciplines that take years to become expert in. Most do not understand rocket science and most do not understand microbiology. We stand more chance of getting seriously injured in a car accident than we do taking a vaccine, yet we do not think twice about trusting the engineer who designed our car, jumping into it daily and going full speed ahead. The thing about vaccines is they work best when used as a group vs individually. i get a flu vaccine every year. Lately flu vaccines have only been about 20% effective, which are lousy odds when you look at it as an individual. But if millions of people get the vaccine, that 20% becomes a significant number. Getting a vaccine is not just a personal choice, it's a human choice, a social choice. It's not an "it's all about me" decision. It's about all of us as a group.

i hope not. i don't think he should be rewarded.

i've been here since 2012 and was a lurker prior to that. i don't know of another not hetero discussion forum ike this anywhere? It may be out there, but i have not encountered it. For me, this is sort of like the bars and meeting places non heteronormative's had prior to the internet, but even that pales in comparison when it comes to the variety, substance and quality of some of the discussions that take place here. This place comes as close to a tribal gathering as i can imagine. i wonder if it was face to face if it would even be the same? We'd all likely end up pairing off or in an orgy lol. Here, though, we have physical separation here, so stuff gets examined and discussed. i am so grateful this place and you guys are here.

Cool! To me, it all comes down to individual wiring. Labels like "Top, Dom, bottom, sub, etc., ad infinitum," to my way of thinking are guide lines, not absolute labels that one must conform to. i believe labels/words are there to serve communication, not imprison us. i used the identifiers "bottom with some sub." i qualify 'some' sub, because i have found if i do not qualify, there are some guys who want to define me more than they want to know and possesss me. No judgement on them, but i do not synch with them, and i know it, so i blow them a kiss and wish them luck in their endeavors. With that as a preface: For me, sucking cock is every bit as submissive and bottom for me as getting fucked. For me, any form of penetration is 'bottom' and goes toward 'sub.' i don't rim guys because, the way i am wired, it feels like topping to me because it is still a form of penetration. For me, it is topping to use a finger, tongue, dildo, etc, to penetrate another and vice versa. If i have a cock in my mouth, i am being penetrated and it's bottoming for me. As far as the 'sub' part, the way i am, force of any sort shuts down my sub side. The Dom's who open me, open and elicit the sub in me, do it through seduction, not bullying or force. i may end up getting face fucked, but they sneak up on it or pull it out of me. That's just me, i know we are not all alike. i know there is such a thing as a "submissive top," but i do not relate to that at all. i also do not relate to or respond to force at all, even though i know a lot of guys equate force or bullying with "dom." For me, that is opposite of "dom." For me, being fucked or sucking is 'bottom.' And depending on the Top/Dom, being fucked or sucking can bring out the sub in me. "sub" for me is psychological and is a response i have to a particular kind of 'Dom."

i've never refused, but there was one i was not able to take entirely when i was younger, He had both girth and length. i suspect i would be able to take it now. i had another who had enormous girth, but was not more than 7" long, and i was a little embarrassed the first time with Him because i had to slow Him down at first. i suspect He was accustomed to being turned down, because He'd hit me up frequently. He is the only guy i can think of who i would pre-dilate with a dildo to accommodate Him. He was not one to take time to open me, so i did it before He got there so He could just slide in. Not my favorite way, but that was how He was and i loved Him. He was one of a few guys who literally fucked the cum out of me. i have had many who were massive and had to open me up, but psychologically, i absolutely love that. i love it when a Top purposefully and knowingly opens me to accommodate His cock because, for me, opening me is a huge part of being with a Top. I.e., it's not 'just' the fuck and insemination, but for me, being stretched and opened, having my hole molded and changed by His penetration, is just as big a deal to me as the semen or piss that He puts inside of me. i see opening as a form of insemination and impregnation, that He uses to 'mark' me.

Got the Pfizer vaccine 12/30/20. Only had a sore arm, that's feeling better after about 24 hours, otherwise no other symptoms.

i get my first shot on Wednesday at the end of my shift. Most of the nurses i work with at the hospital post their reaction to the vaccine on FB, so far no one i work with has had any severe response, most just a sore arm that resolves in <24 hours. Some fatigue, but hey, we are nurses working 13 hour shifts in a stressful environment, fatigue comes with the job lol.

Ditto this. It is spot on. i'm a critical care nurse and >1000 hours of direct care experience with Covid poz patients in a critical care setting. Cytokine response syndrome (aka "cytokine storm" or simply "CRS") is the big killer here. We are just starting to figure out the reasons behind who gets this triggered response and who does not. i had two patients a few weeks ago, one relatively young (50) and in good health otherwise, the other was 87 and had several co-morbidities (diabetes, vascular disease, heart disease). The 87 year old started out on high flow O2 equipment where we were forcing ventalation, the other was getting a lessor O2 device. The 87 year old improved at twice the rate of the younger guy. Not only was CRS an emergent factor, it also seems to have longer term ramifications because of lung injury that can take several months to resolve even after the infection has cleared. We are still learning this disease, it is deadly, and even when it is not, if you happen to be the type that gets the CRS response, you are in for an ugly ride. The vaccine is demonstrating 95% efficacy at this point, i'm getting vaccinated next week (i have to wait when i am off work because there can be side effects), We do not know the long term effects of the vaccine, it's new, but we do know the effects of Covid, so putting it on the scales, i'm going with the vaccine. Covid related deaths are a reality, so far, no one has died from the vaccine. It may happen, and yes, some are going to have worse side effects than others, but comparatively, it's the better bet by far. Science is not perfection, it produces the best evidence we have so far and is an ever ongoing pursuit for more and better evidence.

i'm a critical care nurse and have worked with Covid positive patients since March. i volunteer to care for the positive patients, caring for sick people is my chosen profession. This pandemic has similarities to the AID's crises during the early 80's when we had just discovered the disease. People were afraid then too. Fear and the threat to life and health brings out the best and the worst in people. There are health care workers who refuse to care for Covid patients, just as there were during the AID's crises, and there are some who simply cannot for various reasons. There is already a nursing shortage in the US, and a lot of nurses are burning out because of the pandemic. The hospital where i work has remained so full, it is often on divert because we simply do not have a bed for another patient. This is the reality i have lived since we opened a Covid unit where i work in March 2020. Yet, i still get family members of patients calling me and trying to argue with me that Covid is fake while their loved one is in the Hospital with Covid. It's bizarre. i had one family member rake me over the coals because he had traveled 200 miles to see his brother and hosptial policy would not allow him to visit. His brother was on high-flow O2 which has the effect of aerosolizing the virus and making it more contagious, so people on high flow are not allowed visitors as a containment measure. The guy was verbally abusive and questioning my expertise. He asked: "is Covid worse than a staph infection?" In his mind, he was convinced that he knew something the medical profession did not, and he was trying to trap me with his brilliance. It was not an honest query on his part, in his mind, he already had the answer and he was just trying to nail me. i had to take time away from caring for my patients, trying to explain the infectious process to him, but he would have none of it. That can be really challenging, even with those who want to understand. Learning physiology is an complex degree, not a 10 minute explanation on youtube. my efforts did not matter though because he was not listening. In his mind, he already knew the 'truth' and that made everything else a lie or some sort of evil plot or deception. He was literally attacking and undermining the very people who were trying to keep his brother alive. It's sort of like having a family member with polio and calling the polio vaccine an evil plot to control and take over the world. That is the crux of the problem i believe. There are people in the world who have an absolutist mentality that closes them off from reason or science. Reality can be slapping them in the face, and they will insist that it is wrong in order to preserve their way of thinking and their conclusions. The internet becomes a gathering place where they affirm one another's notions, giving them size and momentum and seeming validity. The internet is a double edged sword. It can be used to find and disseminate valuable information. It can also be used for propaganda and deception. For those interested, The Social Dilemma is a great documentary that explores some of the very things we are talking about here.

i have gotten to the place where i simply politely decline to hook with a versatile guy. i am so clear about being a total bottom in my profiles and in conversations with guys, clear to the point of paranoia lol. i have even referred guys to the urban dictionary definition of total bottom because so many versatile guys are so centric that they truly believe everyone is like them sexually. For me, it's actually sort of triggering because it is so similar to the the attitude of the religious culture i escaped that insisted that being gay is a "choice." i don't equate the two, but i do know who and how i am better than a complete stranger from an online hook up site... if i say i am "total bottom," then who is some stranger to assume i do not know what i am talking about and can some how be something he wants and something i am not? i like to think gay people should know better than to have those kinds of narrow biases or centricity's, but all the prejudice, stereotyping, presumption we experience in the straight world seems to exist in our world as well.

lmao... That is one insecure person who has to brag that way. i've had Tops take a break while fucking me and the fact it's taking them awhile to cum usually makes me afraid and insecure i'm not good enough, not the other way around. i want my Top to really enjoy Himself, but i don't know that i have ever assumed it was the case, i really appreciate when a Top says things or makes sounds that indicate He is enjoying His cock in my pussy (or mouth, for that matter). i definitely moan, can't help it, i LOVE a Man inside of me. i've had to bite my mattress on more than one occasion to keep from telling a Top (and often total stranger): "i love you." lol

i came to a place a long time ago where i don't even try to hook with anyone but a "Top" or "Total Top" and on profiles i identify as "bottom" or "total bottom." Then i am really clear additionally in my profile explanation. my psychology is pretty much wired bottom. i find it really strange that the idea of getting my cock sucked or me fucking another guy leaves me soft, but a guy talking to me about breeding me or wanting me to take his cock gets me hard a rock... just typing that made me start to get hard. my equipment works fine, just isn't there. Adding to the mystery, there is occasionally a guy that i will wanna fuck, but it is so rare that i usually don't even voice it so there is no confusion. i can easily go without fucking or getting sucked, but cannot go without getting fucked or sucking... having that energy of a guy needing/wanting to penetrate and breed me. And i cannot figure out a "type" that can get me wanting to fuck... and it is fuck if i top, getting sucked pretty much does nothing for me, but i love guys asses even though i'm such a bottom. Personally, i think it has something to do with having been married most of my life and in a position where i always had to top? idk, but it isn't a choice for me, i'll fuck if the planets are aligned, but it rarely happens, so i don't even venture into versatile land.

Raunch to me is often code for "scat." But i have found it also includes a lot of what you list, "unwashed, sweaty, pheromones." i'd add spit to the list i do not see the word "dirty" used as much, but i have found it often is code for "scat" as well. Pig, i agree with your take on that one.

my experience, more and more, is that many of the words we use can get us in the ballpark (as to their meaning), but i find i have to as for clarification if i want to be sure. i'm on a couple of BDSM discussion forums that are open to everyone, but the primary population is straight. i've learned a ton about how the straight and gay communities differ in their use of words. So much of this stuff has individual nuance, but here's a few more. Top/Total Top- penetrator both oral and anal, does not get penetrated either way, has no interest in cock Top versatile- primarily a penetrator, but will take cock anally on occasion, and (often seems to me) will suck, but will not take it up the ass versatile- can go either way, Top or bottom, but in my experience, most guys using the identifier "versatile" would fit more in "versatile bottom" bottom versatile-primarily takes cock, but will fuck on occasion and likes getting their cock sucked, touched bottom/total bottom- only wants to be penetrated, usually anally, but also orally. doesn't want their cock touched Dom- wants to be in control (usually sexually), call the shots... this definition can go on for weeks and is (i think) mostly individually defined Sub- wants to be controlled (usually sexually), have a Dom call the shots... this definition can go on for weeks and is(i think) mostly individually defined isnta Dom- wants to be in control with little or no input or communication with a 'sub' insta sub- will submit to control with little or no input or communication with a 'dom'