tallslenderguy

i've never come out to the whole world, but i think i understand the sentiment behind the question. For me, one of the challenges of being gay is having to come out over and over. i am not stereotypically gay, people don't look at me and just know. i have more women hit on me than men, and that is often when i have to, yet again, "come out." i have to explain to women who are interested in me that, hey, i'm gay. They are always surprised. i don't hide it, i just live and if it comes up, i have no problem being open about it. The first time i "came out" publicly was at church. Yep. my story is all over this site in pieces, but the short version is a grew up in a religious culture and spent a lot of my life trying not to be gay. So, my first coming out was "confessing my sin of being attracted to guys." This was the late 70's and gays were just starting to get some acceptance, religious organizations were not accepting as a rule and they didn't really have a clue of what it meant to be gay. The church i was part of equated it with alcoholism lol. Admitting my attraction to guys was one of the hardest things i ever did, and they didn't even get it. It took all of my courage, and all they did was circle me and pray for me and never mention it again. It was clear to me that they didn't get it and i ended up feeling more alone and isolated than i did before coming out. i've come out many times since then, really long story. i came to a place of self acceptance in 2006. For me, that was my real coming out, coming out to myself and accepting myself for who i am.

Just re-read (most) of this discussion. i posted pretty early on and now have some retrospective understanding. For perspective, i'm a critical care nurse and have volunteered to care for Covid poz patients since March of 2020, i have >1500 hours of direct care for Covid poz patients. It's been a wild ride, and not over yet. The last couple of months we have had double the Covid patients where i work than we did at any time last year. Delta variant. 92% unvaccinated, and that number seems to be pretty standard nation wide. When i first posted, we knew Covid was transmitted air borne, and now we know it can also be enteric (i.e., the digestive system). So, sucking a cock of a guy who has fucked an ass of a guy who has an enteric Covid infection increases risk. The virus has a shell that helps it survive stomach acid, so it can be transmitted fecally. That said, i have only had one patient who had a Covid enteric infection, which is just an anecdotal and personal observation. Either way, it isn't just a respiratory disease. To date, i have had very little sex since Covid. i don't like aps, so most of my hook up was at cruising locations. That ended for me March 2020 and i have not been to any cruising location since then. i got vaccinated December 2020 and am getting a booster this week. But evidence has demonstrated that the Pfizer vaccine dropped to as low as 20% efficacy, so while it is a fantastic weapon against Covid, it is not a panacea. i, apparently, was unable to find a way to be what i perceive as an "ethical slut." I.e., i haven't been a practicing slut since before Covid.

idk. If they qualified that they were Top or bottom or versatile and "just looking for fun," at least they are giving some information. i do think some of them are afraid to say what they really want, that they don't want to be identified? i have no problem with someone having their own particular taste or standards. i honestly do not want anyone who doesn't want me too. Gotta be mutual for me. That's a whole lot easier to discern and navigate at a cruising location. i can see in a few seconds if a guy is interested or not and simply move on. Aps don't have the advantage of visual cues which make up ao much of communication. i think this is especially true with gay guys. Before the advent of aps and the net, all we had was cruising locations and 'gaydar' lol. i have had some amazing sex with guys just from a glance and a slight gesture. They touch their crotch to communicate what they want, and that's all it takes. i don't do a lot of hooking up via aps since the demise of CL. That used to work pretty well for me for anonymous breed and go, i'd pretty much always get someone, and sometimes multiple guys who were real (along with the flakes). But prior to Covid, i was more often going to actual cruisy places to hook. So much easier and more reliable than aps. The only place i have run into hot guy syndrome is at a bath house or sex club, and honestly, i can usually find someone there as well because i just go for the guys everyone else seems to be avoiding. i can't remember the last time i went to an actual cruise location and didn't get something, but happens all the time with aps. i think aps have messed hook up sex up and avoid them if i can.

Right? This eternally mystifies me. These guys don't seem to realize they are online and there are no cues other than what they write to tell others about them. The ones that really make my jaw drop are the ones with no picture or text. Sort of like going to a cruising park and hiding behind a tree to make sure no one notices you. Then there are the profiles that have words with no meaning. my favorite are those who say: "Just looking for fun." As if everyone should know what their idea of "fun" is lol. sigh

1. That humankind will no longer want or pursue war or violence 2. perfect health for everyone 3. An end to planet destroying practices

This is what can happen when the religious right gets in power. They have an anti gay agenda. "...President Andrzej Duda campaigned for reelection on an anti-LGBTQ platform — and won last month." ("last month" was July 2021) "While gays and lesbians have never had the legal right to marry or to form civil unions in Poland, as is permitted in much of Europe, many felt confident until not long ago that Polish society was becoming more accepting and that those rights would one day come. They have instead faced a furious backlash from the Roman Catholic Church and the government under the ruling Law and Justice party. Duda proposed a constitutional amendment to prevent same-sex couples from adopting children. Last year, the Catholic archbishop of Krakow warned of a “rainbow plague,” and Law and Justice has described LGBTQ rights as a threat to families and Poland’s Catholic identity." [think before following links] https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2020-08-06/lgbt-people-poland-choosing-to-leave

You have only had one experience (attempting) to top. Your experience doesn't define you, your needs and desires do. It's possible to be a total top and have ED. I'd put it down to first time nerves. Few people can recount a 'porn quality' experience with their first sexual encounter. Yeah, i know you have sexual experience, but not with fucking guys. Reality is generally different from what we imagine it should be or is. Like others have mentioned, i too believe experience will help you know more what works and what does not for you.

This is what the FDA says about fat redistribution and Triumeq... i know, not definitive, but then, there may be no definitive evidence. "5.6 Fat Redistribution Redistribution/accumulation of body fat including central obesity, dorsocervical fat enlargement (buffalo hump), peripheral wasting, facial wasting, breast enlargement, and “cushingoid appearance” have been observed in patients receiving antiretroviral therapy. The mechanism and long-term consequences of these events are currently unknown. A causal relationship has not been established." [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2014/205551s000lbl.pdf

Poly makes sense to me on several levels for those looking for ongoing relationship with more than one person vs open relationship. I think traditional heteronormative relationship has a lot of holes, and not usually the fuckable kind. It makes sense to me that more people means more needs/desires being met, but requires maturity and commitment to certain principles of relationship. When I first divorced, I thought I might be Bi ( I’m not), so poly made sense fro that perspective and I dated a Ftm who was in relationship with a woman and both were looking for a third. Didn’t work sexually for me and helped me realize I’m gay, not bi, but there was a lot I liked about the relationship. I could see myself in a relationship with other gay guys, and there are poly sites where people are looking.

i sort of get how some are into "gifting" or "chasing," though i do not relate. As long as consent is part of the equation, it's their choice. Personally, i don't want to be sick or feel awful, and that's what happens with AID's. i don't want to have a chronic disease where i have to take meds every day for the rest of my life, but that's what happens with HIV if you don't want to progress to AID's. i have never been stoned or drunk in my life. i have been around drugs and alcohol from a young age, so i have seen a lot of their effects, lived with people who use extensively. i'm also a critical care nurse and have cared for more meth patients than i want to count, who have destroyed their heart or brain from meth use. i don't want that either, for me, it is not a good trade off for what ever pleasure i might derive from their use. i'm also a Covid nurse and more recently all my patients have been younger people who did not get vaccinated for whatever reason. So far, not one of those people has told me how happy they are to have Covid, each instead has told me they wished they had gotten vaccinated. Each was confident that Covid was something different than it is and the reality of it was a shock. It's different that HIV, but there is a similar component that fantasy and reality are two different things. Our ideas and reality do not always aline.

Playing this out in my head, it seems to me the guy was romancing you for the sole purpose of converting you. I.e., he had no interest in you, but was only interested in spreading disease. i guess that could work for those who have a reciprocal disease fetish, but the fact you are on PrEP indicates you do not fetishize disease. You also seem to like having a connection with a person beyond sex, you met for drinks vs just bending over in an ally. He too seems to want a sort of connection, but only with someone he can poz. i do wonder where it would have gone had you been a chaser? Does his fantasy go beyond pozzing guys? Is he the equivalent of the straight guy who's sole purpose it to get a girl pregnant then disappear? Or is he prepared to stick around after he 'impregnates' a guy and help care for and pay for the 'baby?' i'm not seeing that fantasy play out with the "gifters" and "chasers" i have encountered. There doesn't usually seem to be a relationship component beyond pozzing.

Reading through this stuff (and it seems like i am stating the obvious here?); your partner is hiding the reason he will not let you top him because he is afraid if he reveals the reason why, he may lose you. So it sort of seems up for grabs. Since you do not know the reason, you cannot really assure him that he will not lose you if you know why he will not let you top him. On the other hand, it seems he will not divulge the reason because of his fear. His fear is what seems central to me? Once his fear is overcome, you will at least know the reason why, but that does not guarantee you will be topping him? Sounds to me like a relationship counselor might help matters.

@PhoenixGeoff, enjoyed your wit and i think @AirmaxUK makes some great points. i tend to agree that finding people IRL is the better option for the gay community... or for the whole concept of 'community' in general. When i think about it, the age group referenced in the OP is the first generation to be raised with all the apps and tech as part of their 'IRL', so they do not have the same foundation or frame of reference that those of us who came out during the cruise park era have. I love and miss the kind of connections/consent PG speaks of, that somehow seemed primarily, if not uniquely, gay. i have countless examples of such sexploits. i was driving down a busy road one day and a guy pulls up next to me and glances over. Our eyes met (that was all) and he pulled up in front of me and i followed him into a Burger King parking lot. He went in to BK, i followed him into the restroom. He locked the door behind me, i dropped my pants and he bent me over and bred me, pulled up his pants without either of us ever speaking a word, unlocked the door and left. i had to scramble to lock the door behind him so i could get my pants up lol. Gaydar has been replaced by Grindar. Gaydar didn't always work, but then, neither does Grindar, and i got a hell of a lot more sex, and faster, cruising than i ever have using apps. i say that, but to be honest, it may not be entirely true, i got a lot of anonymous walk in sex from CL, but it always took longer than cruising. And, i never experienced a "no show" or "ghost" at a restroom glory hole. i also remember being the 18 year old in the restroom gazing longingly through a glory hole. At that age, i was still caught in a cultural/religious web of self rejection, but i'd still go to restrooms to read the writing on the walls and be near other guys who wanted what i did. i know that same culture still exists, even in the 21st century. We did just have an openly anti gay vice president for 4 years and half the US population put him in office, so it makes sense that being the kid of one of those people is gonna involve some challenges to self acceptance if you happen to be on the other side of their wall. We see the differences, but we do not have their perspective any more than they have ours. Media (not just 'social,' but movies, tv shows) has certainly changed, but take a look who the writers are, and they are all still mostly middle aged white guys writing the scripts for "kids." Kids watch and learn, but they also learn from their parents, so there's likely a mixed message in many of their lives. Things were getting better for gays when i was a kid, but it took awhile for it to undo the conditioning i had from religion and my parents.

This happened in 1998, i hope no such thing would happen in this day and age. Straight people 'cruise' each other all the time, pick up each other in bars, etc. You don't find vice cops at straight bars busting straight people for asking each other if they want to have sex, only if money is involved. It's just an example of anti gay laws and those who love them. Honestly, i think it's insane that it could happen even in 1998.

What offends me is the utter fantasy land so many seem to live in when it comes to STI's, and the fantasy is, ironically, often mixed with a superior attitude It's as though some think the facade is armor, as effective as science. As has been pointed out, readily available scientific information does not mean all are going to avail themselves of it, or understand it if they do. What blows my cool is how prevalent this sort of thing still is. Using my example of the guy who is claiming to be "Clean" and "d&d free" and offers as evidence that he tested negative in Dec 2018 ventures beyond ignorance onto stupid turf. i have no issue with guys who want to avoid disease and protect their health, but this method has no basis in reality. It is utterly ludicrous to be asserting such things on a hook up site. Reality is, unless you go to the clinic with your potential hook up, witness them getting tested, remain with them 24/7 until getting the results, see the actual results before having sex, then there is no way to ensure that person is truly disease free. And that doesn't even account for lab errors or something undetected. i'm pretty sure i know who gave me HIV, and i think he gave me syphilis as well. Timing, etc, all point to him. He was a frequent FB and he claimed to be disease free. He disappeared after i told him he needed to be tested. But i didn't ever harbor ill feelings towards him. i really enjoyed my times with him and do not regret one moment i was with him. To me the crux of this is taking personal responsibility. Disease is a reality of life. These days you can get Covid and die from just going to the grocery store. i can wear a face condom (i.e. a mask) to reduce the chances of spreading droplets, and i can get vaccinated. But asking all the people in the grocery store if they are disease free would just be silly. my being gay and wanting to be fucked is also a reality of life. One cannot reasonably have sex with a guy without some risk of disease, and this should be basic, common knowledge, especially to those who are actively cruising for sex!! i do not go looking for disease, i get checked regularly for all the usual sti's when i am getting my HIV undetectable status checked, so i am prolly safer than the average hook up site cruiser. But i never claim to be disease free, and am upfront about my HIV status. Because that is simply reality. if i want to be with you, receive your cock and cum into me, i am fully cognizant that i am risking getting an STI as well. If you know you have something, i appreciate if you tell me, but honestly, it's not a discussion i ever have or realistically think i can have when i am looking to connect on a hook up site lol.

my worst happened in 1998, was at a cruisy restroom where i often took cock under the stall wall. Did the usual signals, tap foot and passing notes written on toilet paper to see if we both wanted the same thing. He asked what i wanted and i told him i wanted him to fuck me. He stepped outside of his stall, knocked on mine and when i opened the door, showed me a badge and told me i was under arrest. i was handcuffed and driven to the police station in the back of a cop car, then had to hang out for a couple of hours as i was photographed, finger printed and booked. Had to talk with a magistrate who shamed me to no end. i was still married at the time and on the DL, so i was terrified about being found out. When i was released a few hours later, i was charged using a 100 year old sodomy law and charged with solicitation for a felony, i ended up hiring a very expensive lawyer, feeling very vulnerable. i had to go to court 4 times before there was an actual trial, it drug out for a year. When i was finally tried, the prosecutor was going for blood, the then attorney general was a conservative who hated gays and he wanted the worst for me. The judge was liberal and practically laughed telling me i needed to be more careful. He asked my lawyer what he wanted and my lawyer said: "i don't know judge, what do you suggest?" The judge suggested reducing the charge to indecent exposure (even though there had not been any exposure), a misdemeanor and a $500 fine. i was so relieved though, i just agreed. Afterwards, the cop who had arrested me approached me and apologized for arresting me. Thankfully those days of entrapment are gone. This was Virginia and vice cops used to hang out at all the parks and cruising spots pretending to be gay and looking, then would arrest the guy when they asked for sex.

Hey, im a romantic and a dreamer. love you Eros ❤️

i wrote this today on another thread about xtube being shut down, you can check it out on that thread if you want all the live links/resources. "XTube, a prominent pornographic streaming platform, is shutting down as its parent company faces mounting accusations that it facilitated sex trafficking on its subsidiary sites. The platform announced this week that it was disabling video and photo uploads as it prepared to close down on Sept. 5" The Justice Defense Fund is the force behind the XTube closure (these guys have done a great job sanitizing their site and hiding their religious underpinnings) It's not a clear cut topic, and i do not doubt there are illegal things that happen with XTube. By the same token there are illegal things that happen in churches too, would they cry foul if a large organization wanted to close churches down because of some of the illegal activities that go on there? i write that because i smell the religious right in this activity. Though they are getting sneaky and learning to hide who they are and couch their agenda in terms like "sexploitation," their definition of what sex should be is a lot narrower than they present to the general public. Laila Mickelwait is the Founder and CEO of the Justice Defense Fund the force behind it, which claims to be a non-religious, non partisan organization. Yet, is its head and founder being honest and open about her agenda? A quick google on Laila Mickelwait provided this : "In February 2020, the organization's Director of Abolition, Laila Mickelwait, launched a petition to shut down the adult website Pornhub. Mickelwait's #Traffickinghub campaign was co-sponsored the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, an anti-pornography organization formerly known as Morality in Media. By September, the campaign had gained over two million signatures, and on December 10, following an opinion column by New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof alleging the site was being used to share sex abuse videos,[5] Visa and Mastercard stopped allowing Pornhub to accept credit card transactions.[6] Shortly after, the Canadian Parliament began hearings to investigate the allegations against PornHub.[7]" "The organization originally developed out of a weekly prayer group founded in 2007 by Benjamin Nolot, a filmmaker and member of the charismatic Christian International House of Prayer. Nolot is currently the CEO of the organization. Exodus Cry says it is no longer directly affiliated with the church, but that it is faith-based and does offer prayer instruction on its website.[3][4] As of 2018, Exodus Cry was listed as a "related tax-exempt organization" on tax filings submitted by the International House of Prayer and has partnered with the church for campaigns since then." Here's an article in the Daily Beast that exposes the religious roots and complete intent behind their efforts: "Mickelwait’s case against Pornhub hinges on several real incidents of exploitation—most prominently, a class-action lawsuit against the amateur porn operation Girls Do Porn, which The Daily Beast covered extensively last year and which resulted in $12.8 million in damages being awarded to the victims. But the campaign’s claims about itself are less accurate. While Traffickinghub presents itself as “a non-religious, non-partisan effort,” the organizing force behind it is neither. Mickelwait’s employer—and the organization running the Traffickinghub campaign—is Exodus Cry, a fringe Evangelical group with far-right ties “prayed” into existence in a Missouri church, with the goal of abolishing the commercial sex industry entirely." i was raised in the religious right and was under their thumb for much of my life. Getting free of that evil force was a torturous process for me and many others, and this has their scent all over it. Make no mistake, these guys also believe gays are going to burn in hell and back in the late 20th century were trying to pass and enforce 100 year old laws that would jail gay people for having sex with each other. I know this is real, i lived it, and it is fucked up. Reverse it. Lets say someone decided they wanted to shut down the evil church and tried to shut down the Church of Christ because of what Jim Jones did? Of any number of other christian leaders who have broken the law (and there are plenty of them, ironically, many who have been caught in sexploitaion). Do a google on sexploitation in the church and see how long that has been going on and how widespread that has been. Why isn't The Justice Fund going after the church?

Fuck. i wondered why, so i googled it and got this: "XTube, a prominent pornographic streaming platform, is shutting down as its parent company faces mounting accusations that it facilitated sex trafficking on its subsidiary sites. The platform announced this week that it was disabling video and photo uploads as it prepared to close down on Sept. 5" The Justice Defense Fund is the force behind the XTube closure. and is related to what RawTop is discussing in his post here . It's not a clear cut topic, and i do not doubt there are illegal things that happen with XTube. By the same token there are illegal things that happen in churches too, would they cry foul if a large organization wanted to close churches down because of some of the illegal activities that go on there? i write that because i smell the religious right in this activity. Though they are getting sneaky and learning to hide who they are and couch their agenda in terms like "sexploitation," their definition of what sex should be is a lot narrower than they present to the general public. Laila Mickelwait is the Founder and CEO of the Justice Defense Fund the force behind it, which claims to be a non-religious, non partisan organization. Yet, is its head and founder being honest and open about her agenda? A quick google on Laila Mickelwait provided this : "In February 2020, the organization's Director of Abolition, Laila Mickelwait, launched a petition to shut down the adult website Pornhub. Mickelwait's #Traffickinghub campaign was co-sponsored the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, an anti-pornography organization formerly known as Morality in Media. By September, the campaign had gained over two million signatures, and on December 10, following an opinion column by New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof alleging the site was being used to share sex abuse videos,[5] Visa and Mastercard stopped allowing Pornhub to accept credit card transactions.[6] Shortly after, the Canadian Parliament began hearings to investigate the allegations against PornHub.[7]" "The organization originally developed out of a weekly prayer group founded in 2007 by Benjamin Nolot, a filmmaker and member of the charismatic Christian International House of Prayer. Nolot is currently the CEO of the organization. Exodus Cry says it is no longer directly affiliated with the church, but that it is faith-based and does offer prayer instruction on its website.[3][4] As of 2018, Exodus Cry was listed as a "related tax-exempt organization" on tax filings submitted by the International House of Prayer and has partnered with the church for campaigns since then." Here's an article in the Daily Beast that exposes the religious roots and complete intent behind their efforts: "Mickelwait’s case against Pornhub hinges on several real incidents of exploitation—most prominently, a class-action lawsuit against the amateur porn operation Girls Do Porn, which The Daily Beast covered extensively last year and which resulted in $12.8 million in damages being awarded to the victims. But the campaign’s claims about itself are less accurate. While Traffickinghub presents itself as “a non-religious, non-partisan effort,” the organizing force behind it is neither. Mickelwait’s employer—and the organization running the Traffickinghub campaign—is Exodus Cry, a fringe Evangelical group with far-right ties “prayed” into existence in a Missouri church, with the goal of abolishing the commercial sex industry entirely." i was raised in the religious right and was under their thumb for much of my life. Getting free of that evil force was a torturous process for me and many others, and this has their scent all over it. Make no mistake, these guys also believe gays are going to burn in hell and back in the late 20th century were trying to pass and enforce 100 year old laws that would jail gay people for having sex with each other. I know this is real, i lived it, and it is fucked up. Reverse it. Lets say someone decided they wanted to shut down the evil church and tried to shut down the Church of Christ because of what Jim Jones did? Of any number of other christian leaders who have broken the law (and there are plenty of them, ironically, many who have been caught in sexploitaion). Do a google on sexploitation in the church and see how long that has been going on and how widespread that has been. Why isn't The Justice Fund going after the church?

Thank you, and i have no problem with you adding to it. i think BlackDude makes some valid points about willful ignorance and heteronormative conformity, but perhaps that means we should not be silent about it? i literally read this just ten minutes ago in a guys profile on a gay site (i copied and pasted it): "I am HIV neg and expect you to be also, but not required. I am on PrEP for more than three years. Clean, healthy and STD free!" i thought it might be a typo and tried to gently point it out, he replied: Thank you for the input, but i am happy with my profile." blink.

Warning, this is rant. i cannot fathom how often i see this on gay sites, which lets be real, a "gay site" is pretty much a hook up site. It is 2021, right? i didn't accidentally step into a time warp and transport back to a time where there was no google? How is it that there can be so much ignorance in the information age? That the term "clean" mis still being used to imply STI's, and more specifically HIV, as though that's the equivalent of leprosy. And probably the even worse ignorance of guys who make such claims and are even igorant to include such useful info as "neg as of December 2018." Do that many guys still buy into the notion that a claim of "cleanest" or "D&D free" actually equals reality? okay, sorry, end of rant.

i know i am late to the conversation and have not read every reply, but will respond to the OP question for input. But i can speak from the perspective of experience. my story is all over BZ, i've been here awhile, so please forgive the repetition for those who have already read this stuff. i was a virgin before i married (a woman) at age 21, though i had been masturbating to guy fantasies as soon as i discovered masturbation as a kid, and had been putting things in my ass since age 7 crushing on a neighbor boy who taught me about my ass. I.e., i knew how i am, i just didn't accept who i am (i.e. 'gay') because i was conditioned not to (bear with me, this is going someplace). i think we are all culturally conditioned to one degree or another. We take a lot of notions for granted or simply as 'reality' and never question them. i may question stuff more than the average person, simply because of my history. For me, questioning became a process for achieving self acceptance. i think the gay community has generally absorbed a lot of heteronormative notions from a lack of questioning and a lot of us enter into relationships that have heteronormative elements, or even underpinning, even when they may be generally 'gay.' Like many, i grew up in an era and religious culture that conditioned me to believe that who and how i am (i.e., 'gay') is "wrong, sinful, broken, etc., etc.." As a result, i spent a large part of my life trying not to be gay. i married a woman, had kids, and tried to be straight as i was conditioned to believe i should be. it didn't work. i started cheating about 5 years into my marriage and it was the worst and most destructive thing i could ever have done. my particualar problem was, i still did not accept who i am, so cheating was a form of self medicating for me. It was the only form of self affirmation i had. But i fought cheating tooth and nail. i would literally pray and cry, trying to resist my needs. Hook up to try and assuage my needs. Then regret it immediately after. i literally hated and despised myself for cheating and lying to cover it up. It harmed both my mate and me. The longer i did it, the more it seemed who i really am was being obliterated. i do not see any value in lying, or being a purposeful liar, as a way of life. In my experience, either way you slice it, it takes away from quality of life for all involved. Yeah, being honest can be painful, but i see that as reality vs delusion, and i want to live real, not in a fantasy. To me, when i cheated, i was not only cheating my mate, i was cheating myself. i was being untrue to myself and my mate. For me, a major reason for intimate relationship such as marriage, is to have a deeper or more unique relationship with someone. It's about being connected with someone in a way we are not with just anyone. With someone who you know everything about and they about you, and there is love and acceptance. Intimate relationship is (in part) about not being alone. Lying is lonely. From a logical standpoint, if we are lying to an intimate, we have erected a barrier between us. We no longer have that persons acceptance or love for us for who and how we are, because we are now hiding who we are from them in a lie. In a sense, we are no longer fully with that person and our relationship has become fragmented at best. i think a lot of us enter relationships but then we grow or change (or both) and discover new things. Sometimes our relationships grow and change with us, sometimes they do not and they end. You have discovered you want something more or different than what you have. Do you want the thrill of the hunt and variety or is your thrill from lying and being untrue to yourself and your mate, essentially, living a lie?

Right? i can trace my bottom nature back to age 7, i discovered my hole as a sex organ at age 7 and didn't discover my penis till age 14. But it was more than that, looking back i can see clearly how being bottom was about way more than the physical position. i spent way to much of my life in a religious culture that did not allow for who i am/was, that told me i am less than 'broken, sinful" because of how i am. i was told i was selfish, that i could choose not to be who and how i am. And i believed these people and tried to de-gay myself for 35 fucking years. It took me a long time to get free from that web. i'm not going back to that mentality of trying to be someone i am not just because someone else thinks i should be to accommodate their desires. i know i am not unique in my experience, that many, if not all of us, have experienced rejection or condemnation from heteronormative culture. So, it seems to me, the last thing we should be doing is perpetuating such notions in our own culture. To me it makes no difference why you identify as you do, it makes it no less valid if you are bi, trans, gay, straight, Top, bottom, versatile, etc., etc., you are who you are and you are in a better position to know who you are than i am. Who the hell am i to think you are wrong about your self perception? i do not have a standard rule about any identity. i often do not end up having sex with versatile guys (though there are some where we have real understanding and we have sex when they are feeling top), never with bottom guys or anyone for that matter who wants me to top. i have a good friend who is versatile and he will spend a week staying with me at my house. We sleep in the same bed, watch gay movies together, hike, fix stuff, but we don't have sex... we just aren't sexually compatible, but i love him none the less and we accept each other for who we are. He doesn't expect me to to be someone i am not or vice versa.

yeah, wow. i have a pretty deluxe fuck machine, but have only taken it 30-40 minutes. i've gotten to a place where i need/want the emotional/psychological energy of a Guy wanting/needing to breed connected to the actual physical experience of being penetrated and fucked. i could probably take it longer if a Guy was using the fuck machine with me vs me just taking the machine.

i had a regular FB who made it His goal (unbeknownst to me at the time) to mold my hole into something between a pussy and a cunt. It's permanently changed and is better 'designed' to receive than to retain. Whenever i have to go, i have a sense of urgency and it has a sort of psychological effect on me that my hole is more suited to taking cock than it is to elimination. i love that feeling and disposition. i have the ability to squeeze and tighten around a cock, but i'm pretty easy access when it comes to getting in. i love a Top who loves either and opened hole or loves to leave it loose and sloppy. To me, that is part of His creative energy that i'm sort of the canvas or clay He is molding. To me, Top is a creative energy, position, and opened or loose/sloppy is a type of impregnation. i love who and how we are and how we fit together as men, it's fucking awesome.