ErosWired

I am very sorry to hear that. I can relate, after a fashion. I wasn’t exposed medically, but when my GP hospitalized me for my original seroconversion illness, their testing failed to detect my HIV (!) si they wrote it off as an unidentified virus and sent me home when the symptoms eased. Then, for the next three years, the same doctor, who evidently had no familiarity with HIV, let me develop full-blown AIDS right under his nose, in his care, because he did not know how to read the signs. Had he been more competent, my infection would have been caught early enough to save my immune function - and spare me the worst of what came after.

All of you here singing full-throated praise of HIV, what a boon it’s been for you, what an unmitigated blessing, let me ask you this: On the day the cure comes - and the cure will come - are you going to get it, and abandon your coveted Poz status? If, today, it were within your power to wave a wand and eradicate HIV forever from the planet, would you? If the answer to either of these questions is ‘No’, I can see no reason to listen to another word you say.

Except HIV isn’t something you can try to find out if you like it, and then drop if you don’t. If you don’t, it’s a curse that keeps on cursing. Suggesting that people give it a try assumes a hell of a lot, and I wouldn’t want it on my conscience that I’d given that advice to anyone.

How is ‘no’ a rude answer to the question? On balance, if I were not poz and had read your post, I would still have come to the conclusion that it’s something nobody would ever want.

I loathe being HIV positive. There is an enemy entrenched in my body and there is no way to drive it out. I am enslaved to a medication that I have no choice but take - if I don’t, even briefly, the enemy will take advantage of the weakness in my defense and begin trying to kill me. Again. The first time, it came so close to succeeding that two small parts of my brain died. It’s not getting another fucking chance, but it’s got other ways to make life miserable. If it can’t kill me quick by destroying my immune system, then it will kill me slow by keeping my body’s systems constantly inflamed, wearing them down before their time. It’s speeding up my clock, hastening my expiration date, and I resent the everliving fuck out of it. I feel soiled. There’s a stain on me that shows whenever I offer my body to another person, and no one will ever choose to be with me again who doesn’t have, in the back of their mind, that HIV is in the bed with them along with me. And I can never shake the knowledge that Undetectable does not mean absent, and virtually impossible does not mean impossible. If I were to inflict this on another person, I could not forgive myself in this life. So I do not enjoy the ‘freedom to fuck’ that so many crow about, or even madly seek infection to obtain - I may not have to live in fear of catching it, but now I live in greater dread of passing it to some other soul. I can never relax my vigilance for a moment. Nor can I hide what I’ve become. At the very, very least, if I ask a person to touch me, I owe it to him to tell him what hazard I contain, so he may choose what he believes is best for him. I would have dearly loved to have that knowledge for myself the day that I was pozzed. I loathe being Poz because not one single, solitary day of my life passes now that I am not reminded that I am. And until that future miracle day comes when Science says Eureka, here’s the cure - no day ever will.

It would be fascinating to be able to go back and study the content of such sex party advertisements/postings in the years prior to Dawson (though I’m not sure BBRTS existed at the time?) and compare that content to the content of the postings that followed, to see how much effect the films really did have, versus changes that might have come about simply because the rise of apps changed the landscape of availability and access. The capability to essentially broadcast that you’re taking loads makes cumdumping possible in a way that cruising, or posting in more limited or static formats does not. I imagine a certain amount of this trend would have come about if Dawson had never shot a frame. Personally, I can’t deny that 20-Load Weekend was inspirational to me…but I had already had my own 34-load weekend before I ever saw it.

So…these guys (and there have been more than one) asking why they can’t see themselves, being told that they asked for an account deletion - which is evidently now in progress - have not only forgotten that they requested such a drastic measure as an account deletion, but have, one supposes, also forgotten why they wanted it, and now want it undone mid-stream. I’m imagining @rawTOP grinding his teeth. But let’s assume the deed is undone, or the guy starts over with a completely new account. What is the likelihood that he is going to just as suddenly remember why he wanted an account deletion (say, for instance, he had an orgasm) and request it all over again, and if so, what is to prevent him from performing this rinse and repeat cycle indefinitely? Asking for an imaginary friend.

Well. Ho ho, ho. 😉

Nice framing. Also, clever alternative to a jockstrap.

Oh, mandatory naked days. Now it all makes sense. Thanks for explaining.

My techniques: 1. Hang a sign on my room door that says ‘Welcome! Cum on in!’ 2. Leave the room door open with my ass on view. 3. Sometimes I put a sign on the wall over the bed facing the door that reads ‘Fuck the Slut’. 4. I provide a thick black marker at the bedside and encourage Tops to leave a hash mark to note their fuck - it shows I’ve been used. 5. I put a note on the chalkboard that says “Great ass - room xxx” - the only trouble with this is that I usually discover that some other bottom has changed the room number to his own. 6. I go to the steam room and assume a position facing the wall, with one leg up on a bench - eventually I’m going to feel fingers on my cunt. 7. I do occasionally occupy the sling in the sling room, with poppers and a bandanna over my eyes, but I have seldom found this successful. Mostly I get men feeling up my cock and nipples, if anyone comes in at all. I give myself a 15-minute limit, and get out if there’s been no interest in that time. In my opinion, sling rooms should have time slots with a sign-up sheet limiting users to 30 consecutive minutes to prevent sling lizards from taking up residence in lieu of paying for a room.

Forgive my incredulity at this, but are you saying that for the majority of the time they are open, this sauna does not permit patrons to remove their towels? Even in the showers? Even in their rooms (assuming they offer rooms)? Or do you mean they actually require some article of clothing? I simply can’t imagine such an absurd business model, especially if they’re letting people go naked twice a week.

The podcast was interesting, and I certainly agreed with its premise from a submissive perspective, but he did bring me up short with his discussion about absorbing a Top’s DNA and it becoming a part of you. This does not actually happen. The colon absorbs water and electrolytes, and additionally some mineral nutrients and vitamins, but it produces no enzymes capable of breaking sperm or the DNA they contain down into components absorbable by the bloodstream. That all happens in the small intestine, so if you swallow a load, yes, you may be integrating it into your body, but not as DNA - it will get broken down into basic elements for use by the body. There is no ‘imprint’ of the Top that remains. Sorry. Science. Not that that necessarily changes the psychological effect. The podcaster notes how taking the breeding imparts a sense of being ‘marked’ or ‘owned’ by the breeder, and I absolutely feel it as much as any other bottom. Irrationally, even though I know there’s no anatomical truth to it, I feel that my body is no longer the body I was born with - it now carries with it the mark, or essence of more than a thousand other men, permanently fused with me because of the seed they planted. It’s a powerful conviction, and I think speaks to something beyond the merely physical, to the spiritual.

They’re fantasists and voyeurs - they don’t live a life in which they actively have intercourse because they have conditioned themselves to accept the psychological substitute of a fantasy/vicarious/virtual connection for the real thing. There are reasons they may do this, most of which boil down to timidity, repression and fear. Sex is a practice that takes one to extremes of feeling, can put one at risk emotionally or physically, and is laden with rafts of social assumptions that these men may buy into more than not. Men with the courage to live their lives and reach for their desires without fear are not common. The rest can only imitate them in some lesser way to try to imagine what their lives really are. It doesn’t take an extraordinary person to live extraordinary experiences - there’s nothing extraordinary about me, yet by the measure of most men as I have come to understand it, my sexual experience has been extraordinary, and continues to be so. The difference? I just decide to live it. These men who chat and masturbate have decided not to. A very common phrase we see in response to narratives about real sex lives lived is “Wish that was me.” That makes me grind my teeth every time I see it. It’s never going to be him, because he doesn’t have the gumption to make it happen, and by making that statement he’s just letting us know. I’m not going to judge him - if that’s all he needs in life to meet that need, then so be it. I’d prefer that he not waste my time, but his need are his own. I do, however, pity him a bit, for he has settled for a life so much less rich than it could be.

…Are you speaking from personal experience? Because…

That’s a visual we don’t often get.

There’s wrong and there’s unexpected. I’m not sure that sounds so much wrong to me, based on your narrative. Wrong could have resulted in him clamming up, asking you to go, and never seeing you again, but that didn’t happen. He Topped you afterward. Plus, he said he needed to ‘process’, so the question is, what is he processing? The sensations he felt, his reaction to them, or both? Did he suddenly realize a switch had been flipped in him that told him he was gay for sure? Did you cumming in him force an examination of his definition of his masculinity? Is it simply a realization of what he has been doing to all the other guys he’s Topped and seeded, now that he’s had it done to him? In any of these cases, I think it’s only a fuck gone ‘wrong’ because there’s no way it could have gone ‘right’. The young guy who came to me to learn to Top had a similar stunned reaction his first time he seeded me. He lay on me quivering for a while, then pulled away, visibly shaken. I asked if he was okay, and he said it had been the strongest orgasm he’d ever had in his entire life (at 21 he didn’t have much frame of reference, to be fair), but it was something he was going to need to process. He processed it, and returned for more practice.

There are days when guys aren’t supposed to be naked at a bathhouse?

You offer this poll as if the three choices you explicitly name are the main actual options, or and are proven effective methods in a large number of cases. There are numerous factors at a bathhouse that govern whether a Top chooses a given bottom to receive his load: Day of week, time of day, size of crowd, ratio of bottoms to Tops, competitiveness of the bottoms present at the time, stamina of the Tops present, general age of the Tops present…I could go on. The one thing you can be fairly sure of is that the Top isn’t going to want to cum until he’s ready, especially if cumming would cut short his planned time there, so any attempt to beg or coerce him into cumming too soon is likely to be an annoyance and cost you the load. The only way to level out all the different factors is to spend more time ass-up. You don’t say how long these visits are in which you take four loads, but what if you stayed another two hours? Another four? Paid for an extra round of time, however the bathhouse alots it? As long as your ass is there, someone will eventually fill it, (assuming it’s a decent fuck). Pick high-traffic times, go early and stay late, and make sure your ass is up at the time most Tops are calling it a night.

I originally said #1 is truest for me, and I still say so, but as I was just looking at it closer, it’s not just that I’m being taken from behind with my legs forced wide apart, ass up, head down, with a Top concentrated on my cunt - it’s that the Top doing the fucking is the one top in the whole picture who isn’t like a model. He’s heavy, out-of-shape, and probably not considered as ‘hott’ by some of the other men around him, but that’s exactly who fucks me. Real men, of all shapes and sizes. #1 is in a way the perfect one for me because it illustrates not just what I do, but what I’m for - use by anyone.

In the genderfluid, alternative-lifestyle-contorted, influencer-warped-beyond-all-recognition culture we’re living in, do you imagine that such a thing would actually be considered to signal something? There are celebrity men wearing dresses, and we can’t tell what they mean by it. Personally, I think it would be cool to have accessories embedded with little readable info chips, kind of like the things that get implanted into pets, but in this case such that you could take it on or off, and someone with a reader could tell what you’re trying to broadcast.

They know that? My impression was that a (alternative) common stereotype of Latino men is that they are macho and correspondingly homophobic, largely as a result of the dominant influence of Catholicism. This is, of course, just as inapplicable as a generalization as the one you report.

UFOs are real. They’re just unidentified. These “straight” guys, however, strike me about as real as little green men from…well, Uranus.

To my way if thinking, appetite is what makes you want to eat supper. It isn’t entirely what decides if you decide to eat it at 5:00 instead of 8:00, or if you choose ramen over hamburger, or if you eat alone or in company. It may stimulate behavior, but is not itself an action taken. Libido is what makes you horny. A guy can satisfy a sexual appetite in diverse ways (God knows). How does the virus automatically control an HVL HIV patient to go out and fuck versus take the more immediate route of sating that hunger by masturbating, and how thoroughly did the study consider this aspect of the problem? I have many questions.

Still skeptical. I can see how a viral influence on libido might generate an increase in appetite for sexual outlet in men under a significantly higher viral load and hence higher viral pressure to spread virus outside the host, but claiming a direct viral influence on specific behaviors seems a bit of a reach, given the multitude of factors that may influence a behavior. I’m not sure I’m ready to buy ‘the virus made me do it’ any more than I am that the devil did. I’m also interested to know to what extent the same phenomenon is true of women infected with HIV. If the effect is real as advertised, one would expect the virus not to care about the gender of the host.