PhoenixGeoff

I've got a few major problems with toys. First, they feel really different. Harder and less yielding than a cock kind of. And their temperature is often off. Just sort of wrong. Yeah, that's subjective...so sue me. Second, when someone is using them on you, they get very little tactile feedback about what's going on with your ass. If my cock is in you, or my finger or hand, and you suddenly clamp down hard, I know I've done something wrong. If I'm using a dildo on you, the cues from you are much easier to miss...you have to pay closer attention. Actually, my very first experience with dildoes was a very bad one for just this reason: the guy using them on me kept trying to shove it into me, despite my clamping down, my pulling away, my telling him to stop, and my obvious distress. He ended up getting booted away from me pretty hard. And I didn't allow anything other than cock or fingers into my ass for many years after (my interest in fisting came later). Third, there might be some concern that dildoes sort of warp your expectations about how long and thick the things that fuck you should be. They can make nearly every real cock seem small by comparison. But on the other hand, I'm the guy who really loves a hand in my ass, so who am I to talk. I still don't use toys much for pleasure. But I do have a few for practical purposes. A dildo can be very helpful when cleaning your ass out...you can use them to stimulate the second sphincter inside you and relase the water above it. Butt plugs can be used to help keep fluids like cum inside the ass instead of leaking out. And the very wonderful man who first helped me experience getting fisted used toys extensively to help me open up my ass and get ready for his hand. But to answer the question, no. Nothing is better than raw cock in your ass. Period, end of discussion.

First off, lots of straight guys love ass play. Getting your ass fucked just plain feels awesome, regardless of the gender(s) you're attracted to. That's why women can wear strap ons. There's absolutely nothing feminine or effeminate about being penetrated. In fact, I always say (only half tongue-in-cheek) it takes a real man to take a cock up the ass. That said, tell us more about this fantasy. Are you turned on by the thought of submission to or sex with men? (Yes, yes I know submission and bottoming aren't the same thing but many straight guys commonly make that mistake). Or is it the idea of your ass getting plowed that turns you on. If the former, then congratulations, you're bi. My advice would be not to limit your options to just getting fucked. One great thing about sex with men is that we seem to be a hell of a lot more creative about all the ways we enjoy each other. Take the time to give all the basics a try...a great way to start is just getting naked with another guy and touching his body...feel him up, hold his cock, run your fingers down his ass crack. Try some oral...see how different BJs are from guys...play with his cock and suck it too (and learn how to give pleasure to another man this way, a very important skill). And don't limit yourself to his dick. Play with and lick and smell his balls, his ass, his pits, all over. And then, if you want, you can try getting into some fucking. But don't just bottom, top too. If you're used to fucking pussy, you'll find fucking ass a different experience (be gentle though....you want to ease your cock into the guy, let him adjust to it, then start fucking him slowly and then gaining speed). And at the point you're ready to start getting into fucking and getting fucked, you need to seriously think about whether or not you're going to bareback. If you are in a serious long-term relationship with a woman (or think you might want one in the future), then I strongly suggest you always use condoms when fucking or getting fucked by guys. On the other hand, if you plan on being single, or think you're coming over more to being on the gay side, then you might want to consider barebacking, which feels infinitely better, but comes with serious risks. If the latter, if the female form and personality traits still turn you on and guys don't really do anything for you, then congratulations: you're still straight, but you're ready to get a little kinky. Invest some high quality toys, dildoes, butt plugs, etc. Start very small. Invest in high quality, long lasting lube. And take it very slowly and carefully...you can cause serious injury to yourself if you just start ramming stuff up your ass. Start out by using them on yourself so you're in total control. Do your best to be in a relaxed setting. Use tons of lube, both on your ass and the toy. And wash your toys when you're done. Don't share them with anyone, especially your wife or girlfriend (bacteria from your ass can colonize her vagina causing infection). And enlist your SO early on in the process. She can watch and first and then start using them on you herself (she absolutely MUST take all her cues from you...if you tell her to stop and she doesn't, don't let her use them on you any more). Later on, your can graduate to larger and more exotic toys, including strap-ons for your SO. You might also consider getting into some fisting, if you find yourself drawn to really heavy ass play. Now, there is a huge qualitative difference between a real cock and a toy, even the highest quality ones. Most gay guys find cock (especially raw cock) to feel infinitely better). So at some point, even if you're straight, you may want to consider letting a guy fuck you. Read and re-read the above warning on safe sex vs. barebacking. If a guy tells you he's "clean" or "neg", its irrelevant (many don't know their status; many others will lie to get laid, especially for the chance to bareback a straight man). If a guy tells you he's straight or bi or married to a woman, it's irrelevant, unless you know him already (again, guys will lie to get in your pants). Assume every cock that will be entering your ass is HIV+ and proceed accordingly. Remember, it's not just your health, but the welfare of your entire family at stake. Have fun exploring this new side to your sexuality!

Wait, how does that work? "BAREBACK" converted into ASCII and then from decimal to binary, like so? That's pretty geeky, but wouldn't hex fit better on a t-shirt?

I've never been organized enough to plan ahead and save up cum for this sort of thing (I'll admit, the Devil's Dick idea intrigues me immensely). So all of the anonymous cum loads I've taken up my ass in my time have been pumped there directly by whoever the fuck the top was. And whenever I've been fortunate enough to enjoy having enough anonymous loads in my ass to properly lube up my hole, it's because I've been able to track down enough anonymous raw tops in a short enough period of time. I'd really love to know just why I find taking anonymous loads (or breeding anonymous ass...I love it when I'm getting blown through a glory hole then all of a sudden feel a tight hole around my bare cock) so goddamn hot. But I do...the idea of getting bred by a total stranger, without exchanging a single word, without so much as a glance at what he looks like gives me such a raging hardon. I've got this fantasy I'd love to see come true some day: I fly into a city where I don't know anyone. I check into a hotel room (or some other suitable location) that's easy for guys to get to. I meet my contact who's helping manage the scene (and provide some security), get naked, get blindfolded and wait. My contact sets up a live stream video feed to the internet so quite literally, I'm the only man in the world who can't see who's fucking me. And then, the gang bang begins. I'd be fine with making it into a porn scene...and I honestly don't know if I'd watch it afterwards to see anything at all of who'd cum in my ass....

Meh...made a mistake and missed the last few posts before posting myself, so was responding to earlier stuff. Anyways, I figure the whole point of opening this sort of issue up in a public forum is so that not just the OP but everyone else can kibbutz and benefit. I've certainly learned a lot reading others' posts in threads I didn't start and didn't even comment in. As for taking my advice, well hell, not even I can do that on a consistent basis. People are broken, as a wise man once said, myself more than any! But sometimes maybe something might sink in that might be helpful down the road a ways.

Best to take this discussion to a more private forum, hm?

This is the problem with three-ways. They are inherently unstable, with a tendency for two of the guys to pair up and the third to be left out. As the third is usually one of the couple, that can cause problems. They can work, but only under two circumstances, in my experience: First, two tops and a bottom works best, especially with a piggy bottom. The tops can take turns tag-teaming, spit-roasting and double fucking the bottom. Ideally, both partners will top the third, bottom guy they've invited over, but it can also work with a top/bottom couple, IF the third guy is a real top (sometimes guys lie on the Internet...imagine that!) Second, if the third guy is genuinely attracted to both partners equally, that can work too. But it can be hard on the third guy. With many of the hookups I've had with couples, I've spent a lot of time worrying about whether I'm dividing my time between them evenly and not leaving anyone out, meaning I probably had less fun myself than I might have otherwise. But three totally versatile guys can work out. What's most likely to fail? Both partners want to bottom for a third top. Assuming the third guy turns out to be a top in reality, he's very likely to end up spending more time fucking one guy than another. And then there's the question of who gets the load. In this case, you're much better off trying to set up a larger group where everyone has the chance to end up with someone. Or just go to a bathhouse. This is where the communication and forgiveness part comes in. I like the rule that you have to tell the partner about whoever you have sex with. If it seems like the rules are getting stretched or broken, then you can step in and fix things early on, before they get out of hand. Renegotiate the rules, alter the setup with the fuckbuds (maybe you have sex while the bf watches?), whatever. But communication is a big part of things. One thing that helps is if both partners have the right attitude towards sex outside of the relationship. If one or both are the jealous type, then forget it. They'll feel like they're being forced into an open relationship they don't want. They'll resent the other partner fucking around, even if they're getting some too. Not all men are open relationship material! Then, there are guys who get off on the idea of cheating and fucking around behind your partner's back. I'll admit, I get turned on by this myself...I love the idea of having sex with someone I'm not supposed to and getting away with it (probably goes back to enjoying my first sex with other men done on the DL). You need a really special partner who understands and trusts you for that. Or who is a similar kind of pig himself. But that can be really hard to make the trust thing work. Another problem that can arise is when one partner is getting more play than the other (maybe he's physically hotter, maybe he's got lower standards, maybe he's got a higher sex drive). That can drive resentment too. It helps if both partners are on a roughly equal footing. After years of experience of all kinds of relationships, I find the best recipe for an open one is when both partners are sex pigs, on that equal footing, and both really get off on the idea of their partner fucking around. I've got a fantasy where I catch my partner in the act of cheating, and just watch quietly for a bit stroking before either one notices me, then I join in.... Being single is great, for just that reason (unless you get off on the cheating thing). On the other hand, as the whole marriage debate shows, there are a ton of material benefits to being in a stable, long term relationship (monogamous or otherwise). The household economics is just so much simpler. And then, there's the problem of aging too...someone's gotta be there who's willing to look after you after those sexual flames get banked down a bit. There are tradeoffs no matter which way you look.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this. Open only means non-monogamous in some way. The partners must discuss what the ground rules will be. I've known partners who only play together. I've known partners who bareback each other but only play with condoms outside the relationship. I've known partners who reserve certain sex acts for each other. Some open relationships are symmetrical (same rules for both) some aren't; I've known relationships where the top loves whoring the bottom out but won't touch another guy himself. Which means that the ground rules have to be negotiated. And here's where many submissive guys run into problems, because, while they may like the idea of another man taking charge, it doesn't mean they don't have their own ideas for what they like to do. But they'll often allow the other guy to dictate the ground rules because of their submissive nature. So you've got to be a bit more assertive and talk more openly about what you want from the relationship. I'd always start from the assumption that the same rules will apply to both partners, and then modify things from there. Some suggestions on this (and I sympathize because I'm a bit bigger than average and a fairly aggressive top myself and have sometimes run into guys who can't take it). Look for slutty bottoms. Practice, after all, makes perfect. I can always tell when I'm fucking a guy who's taken a lot of cock...his ass opens right up and he can usually take a real good hard pounding. In fact, most bottom sluts I know (and I count myself among them) prefer it that way. The idea of tag-teaming with your partner might actually be a good one. Let him go first and tear up the bottom's hole and lube it up with some cum. As a bonus, you get to watch some hot live-action porn while you're getting your cock sucked so you should be raring to go when it's your turn. By then, that bottom should be ready for whatever you can throw at him. Try a few anonymous fucks. As in sticking your cock through a glory hole and having the guy on the other side back on to you after sucking you hard. That may be easier for you to deal with. You can incorporate this kind of thing into a three-way with your bf (he can blindfold the bottom before you come into the room maybe) On the other hand, you may be the type who's more comfortable having sex with someone you know. So maybe run through the list of acquaintances you know from the bar who you're attracted to and go from there. (Warning: this can cause issues in open relationships...lots of partners are fine with you fucking some random stranger but might feel threatened if you're having sex with friends, especially if it happens more than once...tread carefully) If you're worried about performance (and there's not a top out there who doesn't get performance anxiety from time to time) then you can always go the viagra route. Alternatively, foreplay is definitely your friend. Suck some cock, get blown yourself, have your bf fuck you a bit (this always gets me hard as a rock), hell, get into a flogging scene at the local leather bar if that floats your boat. There's no need to jump into fucking until you're good and ready. And, in fact, there's absolutely nothing whatsoever that says you have to fuck the bottom in order to be the top. Plenty of guys are perfectly happy getting their cock sucked (or face-fucking the bottom, if you want things more aggressive). And beyond oral, there are tons of kinks that will allow you to explore your top/dom/aggressive side, from water sports to fisting to BD/SM. Remember, your main sexual organ is your brain, and the only limit you have is your imagination. Finally (and this is something bottoms moving into versatility sometimes struggle with), you need to accept that sometimes Mr. Happy just ain't going to cooperate. Here's an example of it happening to me. Maybe you're tired (that was the culprit in my case, I'd been up since 3 AM the night before to make a delivery in the Bronx, then spent much of the afternoon sight-seeing in Manhattan). Maybe you're not that into the guy. Maybe you just shot a load a couple hours ago and haven't recovered yet. Or maybe it's just some random bullshit. Who knows? Doesn't matter...it happens to EVERYONE from time to time, and only gets worse as you age. That's just part of being on top. Accept it, deal with it, move on and fuck the next bottom tomorrow. First off, if you're feeling these pains and he wants to have sex, then he damn well better understand that he either needs to go off and find someone else to fuck or jack off or something. He should never be pressuring you into having sex if you're not in the mood, and that goes double for if you're in pain. There are several things that can go wrong with your GI tract that could cause pain or discomfort. Fortunately, most are pretty minor. A lot is caused by diet. Basically, constipation is caused by too much meat and dairy. Gas and loose stools can be caused by eating a lot of fiber (especially if you've just added it). Probiotics (basically, any cultured foods, yogurts, non-cooked salamis, home-made pickles, etc.) help keep things balanced. You might also have a food allergy you're not aware of. If problems persist, then go to your doctor and demand further testing for things like ulcers, cancer, etc. Those things are MUCH less likely but only get worse without treatment so detecting them sooner rather than later is best. You need to communicate and be assertive with your doctor. It doesn't matter if it's you, the state or insurance paying the bill; he's being paid to treat you and needs to do whatever is medically appropriate, which means listening to your complaints and responding appropriately. And then you have to take charge of your own health and follow through on his or her recommendations and complete all follow-up care. If the doctor isn't listening to you, then find someone who will. Complain loudly (squeaky wheels and all that). Take it to a superior. Whatever you have to do. This is your health at stake here. If, Dog forbid, it is something serious, you don't want to be stuck in a worse situation because you were too timid to push the issue. If the pain only occurs during sex, it's possible that the size and shape of your bf's cock may be the issue here. I've had guys fuck me whose cocks just hit exactly the wrong place inside me. It was intensely uncomfortable. And it doesn't always happen with guys with long cocks...I've had it happen with someone who was less than 6" before, just had exactly the wrong shape for me. Fortunately, the fix is easy: change positions. Typically, if I have trouble of this kind, it happens when I'm on my back with my legs in the air. As simple a change as hanging my ass over the side of the bed and having the top stand up instead of on his knees on the bed can fix it. Or flip over. Or get on your side or swing from the chandeliers. Or fuck him. Personally, I always like seeing a top get a taste of his own medicine. Problem is, he may like it too much....

If you're planning ahead (heading out to the bath or a sex party or whatever), then yeah, I agree with you. If you're going to be getting into a FF or scene with multiple tops (which is almost certainly planned out in advance), then yeah, I agree with you. On the other hand, sometimes opportunities for sex pop up now and then. Maybe you get that stray invite for a quickie while browsing BBRT. Maybe you're at the bar without any intention of hooking up and somehow end up in the men's room or alley. Maybe you plan on topping but quite by chance discover the guy you're with is more versatile than you expected. You can usually feel if you need to take a shit or not. If you don't and you feel reasonably confident, I'd say go for it. Once in a while, I've hooked up with a bottom for a quick, random hookup and ended up with a little bit of shit on my dick. You know what? Shit happens. Wipe yourself clean and shower when you get home. You're sticking your cock into a guy's asshole. It's not reasonable to expect, especially if you're into random hookups, that everything's always going to turn out like it does in the pornos. And please, for the love of Dog, don't be one of those prissy queens who throws a shit-fit if things don't come out pristine. Sometimes, despite his best efforts, a bottom isn't always as ready as he thinks he is. I guarantee he's already embarrassed enough without you adding to it.

Easy on the coconut oil too, especially if you're getting on a bit in years or have or are prone to heart problems. It's really high in saturated fat, much more so than just about every other vegetable oil out there. It's actually worse than cooking with lard, and we all know what the best use for Crisco is LOL. HIV and STDs ain't the only thing you got to worry about after all....

You know, I've always been curious about having a devil's dick up inside me. You collect the cum in a condom to freeze it, right? (If so, it's the only good use for a condom I've ever heard of) I've never been organized enough to actually start collecting the loads to make one...usually when I jack off it's pretty much an unplanned, spur-of-the-moment thing, and while I don't have too much shame left, I'd feel a little odd about asking guys I knew to save up their loads for me.

On the topic of Hep C that RawTop brought up, that too is a virus, not a moral judgment. However, unfortunately treatment for Hep C is both better and worse than treatment for HIV. Better in the sense that it's possible that it can be cured completely. Worse in the sense that there really aren't any alternatives besides the one course of treatment, and that course of treatment is absolutely horrendous to go through. Sheer torture. Now, there is another consideration here. And that is that there seems to be evidence that Hep C is only very rarely (much more rarely than HIV) transmitted sexually, if at all. It's carried in the blood, so the most common way you would catch it is either (1) if you're an IV drug user and you share your syringes with someone infected (never, never, NEVER do this...always use fresh brand new syringes for each and every slam) or (2) there's someone infected with Hep C in your household and infected blood is somehow transmitted via something like a shared razor or toothbrush; Hep C is much better than HIV at surviving outside of the body. So those are the vectors I'd be addressing first to prevent Hep C infection. Now, you may also want to consider changing your sexual behavior as well. Basically, you have to factor it into your risk assessment when you're trying to figure out if the benefits of barebacking outweigh the risks. Personally, I believe that the potential for Hep C infection doesn't really change things all that much; that particular risk is fairly small. But you might come to a different conclusion.

OK, let's think this situation through, because I think there's more going on here than you let on. First, you say you converted when you were 21 after sleeping with "only" ten guys. You call that "pathetic". And you worry that your early conversion may be due to a weaker than normal immune system. But you're proceeding from a false premise (that the strength or weakness of the immune system affects how likely you are to convert). You don't know that. In fact, based on what you've said, I'm not even sure you really know if you have a weaker than normal immune system. (Is that a doctor's medical opinion based on testing? Or just your own hunch based on your observation of your health?) What we do know is that neg guys taking poz loads up their ass is kind of like playing Russian Roulette. It's entirely possible that you might play Russian Roulette indefinitely and never get the chamber with the bullet. Likewise, you might take load after load and still test negative. On the other hand, you might convert after getting fucked and bred just once. We're dealing with probabilities here, which means that we're looking at averages across a population. But individual members of that population (like you) might very well be outliers even though they're otherwise perfectly healthy. There's a very strong element of chance at work here. And if we look at the next bit of information you provided, the fact that your viral load is undetectable, it would seem to me that your meds are working and your immune system is holding up just fine. (We'd need to know your CD4 counts to be sure, but I suspect that they're in the normal range. Otherwise your doctor would be freaking out). So might I suggest that there's something else going on here. If I had to guess (and it's only a guess; I'm not a trained counselor of any kind) I'd wager that you're still adjusting to the news that you're now HIV+ five years after the fact. The long period of time shouldn't really be a surprise. After all, HIV is a massive life changing event, and a very scary one at that. Moreover, it's all tied up with our culture's sexual mores (which we, as pretty promiscuous gay men flagrantly break all the time). From the time the AIDS crisis began, there's always been a pretty strong message, sometimes openly stated, but more often just assumed, that because we break sexual taboos, we somehow brought HIV upon ourselves and deserve to suffer the consequences.' Of course, no one here would say they believe anything that silly. HIV is simply a virus looking to survive and reproduce, just like all other viruses. If you happen to catch a cold, do you blame yourself for your manifold sins against hygiene and handwashing? Of course not; you simply do what you have to do to deal with it and carry on. The only reason HIV is different is because it's sexually transmitted and it's concentrated in the gay community, so it gets all this other bullshit drawn in. But you must remember, it's just a virus like any other. You do what you have to do to take care of it and carry on. I think a lot of the rest of your conflict comes from a similar place. I have no idea what kind of upbringing you had, but we often see social enforcement of cultural rules around sexuality directed at weaker or lower status groups. Thus a woman who sleeps around is a slut, but a straight man who does the exact same thing gets a pass. Likewise, the fact that promiscuity is more prevalent among gay men is used as an excuse to justify all sorts of retaliation against us, from the fairly common view that we're inherently dirty and disease ridden (and note how even gay men will call themselves "clean" to mean "HIV-") to the interpretation of HIV as a divine judgment. You're getting a lot of mixed messages right now. Your family probably hopes you settle into a monogamous relationship (if indeed they've accepted your sexuality). The whole gay marriage movement is pushing the same idea: that we should marry, settle down, be monogamous and live like everyone else. On the other hand, within the gay community there's the older, more sexually active culture still out there. It's been suppressed in the wake of HIV, but there's plenty of evidence to show that it's still out there. Look at baths, online cruising sites, porn, this very site. All of these are pushing the idea that having all the sex you want with anyone you want is perfectly fine, normal even. So you really are getting conflicting messages from all directions, including from within the gay community itself. Add to that a sense of guilt over contracting HIV (because yes, society does indeed send the message that HIV is our "fault" rather than a disease) and it's no wonder you're going through all this. So what do you do about it? My advice is to slow down and give yourself time to think all of this through for yourself. Figure out what's real, and what's deeply entrenched homophobia. You're 26 years old. If you decide you want to go be a pig, you have years and years to go be a pig ahead of you. If you decide you want a monogamous relationship, you've got tons of time for that. But the important part is you have to figure out what is right for you. And if what's right for you bucks the social consensus about acceptable and unacceptable sexual behavior, well then fuck society! One of the things that's kind of hard about being gay, but also incredibly rewarding, is that the normal rules of behavior don't apply to us. It's hard because there's all this social pressure to conform...that's what keep some guys in the closet for decades. But it's rewarding because you have opportunities to rewrite the rulebook for yourself that straight guys will never have. But it takes a little work to get there, and in the end, your rulebook may be somewhat different from mine, because we're all kind of making it up as we go along. We lose moral certainty, but we gain a lot of freedom. But it can be very stressful. So buck up. I think you're doing just fine. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll come out alright in the end. Hope this made some sense.

You're basically doing Kegel exercises while you're getting fucked, which explains how and when you get an erection. *** A couple of things I've observed that might help. I've noticed that for most guys, pain kills an erection quite effectively. It doesn't have to be severe...discomfort may be enough. Having the top force you into an uncomfortable position maybe, or fucking a little more aggressively than you like (obviously this won't work for pain pigs). You might want to try jacking off a load before sex and then jumping straight into the fucking. Most men, especially as we age, have a bit of a recovery time built in before we can get hard again. You might also want to try having sex with a full bladder. I've noticed that can intervene with my ability to keep and maintain an erection. Plus, if you're a piss pig, the top might hit the right place and make you piss yourself.

OK, I've thought about this a little bit and perhaps need to modify my position somewhat. There are a whole bunch of things associated with barebacking that might actually be the objects of a fetish. For instance, you might have a cum fetish, where you really get off on a top shooting inside you and then playing with it, or the top may really get off on feeling cum in the ass he's fucking. So in that case, the fetish isn't for the barebacking itself, but for the cum (and you could argue that TIM to a large degree has a cum fetish rather than a bareback fetish). For some guys, it might be an HIV fetish buried inside the barebacking fetish. There's something else though that I think I've observed in myself. I get off on transgressive sex, on breaking sexual taboos. So when I first came out in a big way, I really got off on having sex with another man because that was something that was forbidden. And, coincidentally, around the time I first became really sexually active, there was a massive push to normalize sex with condoms and make bareback sex something wrong, taboo. So it became irresistible to me too. I think a lot of sexual fetishes I have relate to this...basically if you invert the socially acceptable version of sex (heterosexual, monogamous, only with someone you love deeply, etc.) you end up with a lot of the stuff that I really like about sex: gay, promiscuous, anonymous one night stands, etc. Everything "they say" sex should be, I make it the opposite. And that includes barebacking vs. using rubbers. So maybe there are layers and layers of fetishes here. But, for myself at least, whenever I see a raw cock sliding into a guy's ass, I get really turned on, in a way that doesn't happen with condoms. So in my mind at least, there really is something special about barebacking.

Thanks HLD....facing HIV can be a scary proposition. I found the best way for me to handle it was to learn as much as I could about it. I guess the idea is if I can wrap my head around it, I can beat it. As you can tell, I'm a bit of an over-intellectualizing and analytical type LOL. But the nice part about all that is that I can distill that knowledge for other people, which they'll hopefully find useful.

Hmm...well let me put it this way. If it wasn't a fetish, would the whole bareback porn industry exist? Would BBRT exist? Would this site exist? Look at all of the guys on here who make a huge deal about taking a top guy's load in their ass. Look at all of the closeups of guys fucking that conspicuously don't show a condom (and look at the condom porn that does its best to hide the condom). Now, compare that to porn from the '70s. There's nothing like the closeups of the fucking. We don't see guys pulling all the way out to show clearly that they're not wearing a rubber before slamming the cock back in. We don't see internal cum shots and cum dripping out of the bottom's ass. Back then, porn stars routinely pulled out to shoot their load so we could see it. I'll grant you there are a few guys out there like you who don't care if the sex is with or without a condom. But I think you're a minority. From what I see, most guys like you are usually pretty adamant about using rubbers because the rubber doesn't detract from the pleasure, so they lose nothing and gain quite a bit of risk reduction. It's guys like me, who have made barebacking into such a big deal, who have what I'd consider a fetish for it.

Almost certainly not. First of all, especially if you're circumcised, transmission of HIV from female to male is much less common than from male to female (and WAY much less common from top to bottom in the case of anal sex). It's not a zero risk, but it's pretty low. Secondly, unlike in the gay community, where infection rates can reach up to about 20% or so, infection rates among straights in the US (and the western world generally) is minimal. There are a few communities where you might have to watch out a little bit (mostly those with lots of homophobia and thus guys who are on the "downlow", generally poorer minority groups, OR if you've been fucking around with women who have drug issues, especially IV drugs like coke, speed or heroin) but even then, you're chances are pretty low. Unless those nine women were prostitutes in Africa, your odds are pretty good. The fact that you've had your standard colds and flu over the last seven years since you barebacked is actually a GOOD sign. It means you have a healthy immune system that's fighting off infections. Likewise, occasional diarrhea is pretty meaningless. Odds are, you ate a bad shrimp or something. And seven years is coincidentally about the average time it would take for symptoms of untreated HIV to start showing up. By contrast, before I started treatment for my HIV, one of the things I noticed is that my seasonal allergies went away. Since I've been on treatment, they've come back with a vengeance. The fact that I'm sneezing like crazy if I skip my Claritin right now is a reassuring sign that my immune system is in pretty good shape. So bottom line, you almost certainly don't have HIV. However! It never hurts to check. And there are other STDs that you might have acquired that might not have any symptoms at all (syphilis is an excellent example, and after seven years you'd probably be totally asymptomatic, but just waiting for the horrific effects of tertiary syphilis to kick in). So my recommendation would be to either go to your doctor and get tested for the range of common STDs, including HIV. If nothing else, it will set your mind at ease. If you're uncomfortable talking to your doctor about these things, or don't have health coverage, many cities have free confidential STD testing services. Alternatively, an urgent care clinic should be able to run these tests for you too. Finally, you can buy home HIV testing kits in most pharmacies. But I'd actually only recommend that as a last resort, because you wouldn't be testing for any other STDs, and also because if, God forbid, you did happen to test positive, it's best to get the results somewhere where people will immediately be able to start helping you out with support. Hope this helps.

I actually spoke about this with an older guy I used to play with, who was around before the whole HIV/AIDS thing took off. He objected to calling barebacking a fetish because when he came out, it was just your standard, normal sex. Everybody did it. I think the cutoff is for guys around my age. I was told to use condoms right from the very first guy I hooked up with. The porn I saw at that time always had condoms. There were articles in the local gay newspapers (geez...remember those?) talking about how hot putting a condom on your partner was. This huge effort to make it so that you would never even consider bareback sex. And so the barebacking thing was kind of a reaction against that. I actually thought there was something wrong with me, that I was the only one who didn't really like condoms. Discovering guys into bareback sex for the first time online was a real eye-opener for me (it was the #gaybareback channel on IRC; I was looking for cowboys!) So, yeah, it wasn't always a fetish. But it sure is now.

Also, many party drugs, including coke and meth (and presumably MDMA, which is also an amphetamine) either directly depress the immune system or have side effects (like preventing eating or sleep) that do. Note that this includes alcohol as well, which depresses your immune system and prevents you from getting quality sleep. Your best choice is to quit the recreational drugs altogether. The one exception might be 420, which helps some people who are having trouble with HIV med side effects, especially with regard to appetite (it's sometimes prescribed to HIV patients in Colorado under our medical marijuana laws). However, lots of us have trouble with total abstinence. I personally drink, mostly in moderation, though occasionally enough to get a little drunk. You may have an addiction you're struggling with or occasional relapses. That needn't cause any major problems, so long as you remember to take your meds on time (I find setting a daily alarm on my phone helps immensely), so long as you take other steps to look after your health (diet, exercise, sleep, etc.) and so long as you do your best to moderate your usage.

Re: urgent care facilities. If your resources permit, they'll generally accept cash up front. In many cases, the costs are pretty reasonable (many cater to working class people with no health insurance), less than $100. For many STDs, generic antibiotics, which are also inexpensive, will do the trick. As an added bonus, if your state has regressive reporting requirements, urgent care facilities can offer a way to obtain treatment without having the state violate your privacy. Re: potential infections, it's possible it may not be sexual at all. I know that when I start getting symptoms, my first thought is generally that it's an STD. But I've been wrong about that before. There may be irritation from an infection like C. difficile or Cryptosporidium or Giardia (they commonly cause gas, bloating, diarrhea, frequent bowel movements, etc., which may make it hard to keep things clean down there, which can cause the irritation). These infections can actually be made worse by antibiotics (because the "good bacteria" in your gut may be killed off by the medication, allowing the invader space to grow). Once the STDs have been ruled out, talk to your doctor about getting a fecal test done for these guys.

I've been poz for a bit more than ten years now. I had absolutely no excuses. The very first gay man I ever hooked up with when I came out made sure that I understood that I should always use a condom when fucking or getting fucked. I actually came out in a pretty large and well organized gay community in Toronto where the consequences of HIV prior to the advent of protease inhibitors and the cocktails were readily apparent. I worked in a local bathhouse there prior to enlisting in the Army, and when I came back to visit about a year later, two of my coworkers were dead. I remember being terrified of other promiscuous guys (and right from the beginning, I fucked around a lot). I remember, later on, once I'd started barebacking, snooping through medicine cabinets after sex to see if I'd just had bareback sex with someone with HIV. In one way, my decision to enlist in the Army was an act of cowardice, an attempt to run and hide from AIDS and from being gay (not that it really slowed down my behavior too much). In short, I saw the stigma attached to guys with HIV, both before and after effective treatments came out. And I participated in that stigma myself. The dominant emotion I remember from 1990-1995 or so was fear, with the exhilaration of coming out a distant second. And of course, our sex drive is never so high as when we're threatened with death (look at all those babies born in New York in June 2002). It's gotten much better since then, as HIV has turned from a death sentence into a manageable condition, like diabetes. Sure, it will probably reduce my life expectancy, but not by too much. There's still a stigma against those with visible signs of AIDS. I had a friend in Phoenix who'd literally been brought back from the brink of death. And he had severe facial lipodystrophy. I did my best to be friendly with him. But I never would have had sex with him. And that was after I'd converted myself. That, too, is unfair on my part, and a lingering stigma. My experience being stigmatized since converting has been mixed. In places with large gay populations, where I've mostly lived or visited before I started driving a truck, my experience has been pretty unremarkable. I think a big part of this is that I've insisted on barebacking. Barebacking pigs usually are either poz themselves or understand the risks. And even guys who don't play around are comfortable enough around guys with HIV that it doesn't come between us. My impression is that they don't fuck around with me not because of my status but either because I'm not their type or because they don't fuck around at all. Things have changed since I've become a truck driver and I've been hooking up while on the road. Often, I'm cruising in smaller towns or rural areas. Or I'm more often dealing with closeted men. Or I'm dealing with other drivers. Many of these guys spend little or no time in cities with gay communities. Some don't even think of themselves as gay (and prefer that their partners don't either). Many have little or no education about HIV, and may regard it as a problem faced only by gay guys in big cities, not straight guys who occasionally fuck around like themselves. They've had little or no experience being around guys with HIV, and what they know of it comes from their peers in their area, which means there's a lot of fear, misinformation and outdated knowledge. Under those circumstances, there are two results. First, if they get into fucking, barebacking is incredibly common. In fact, I can't recall the last time one of those kinds of men actually brought up using a condom. It's like we're back in the pre-HIV days when nobody used condoms because condoms were only for preventing pregnancy. But second, it's very common for guys I'm talking to online to disappear as soon as I bring up my status. This has severely tested my moral position of disclosing my status up front and letting my partner decide what he's comfortable with. Because, in the past, most of the guys who've approached me or who I've approached have been fine with it. HIV hasn't imposed much of a penalty on my sex life. That's not so true any more. It's preventing me from hooking up quite a bit, with guys that I know bareback. That's really tempting me to compromise my values, especially since many of the men that are potential fucks are exactly my type. But nobody said being a pig with a conscience would be easy, did they?

Here's what you need to know about your two numbers: Viral Load is a measure of how many copies of the HIV virus they find in your blood. Broadly speaking, it tells you how quickly the virus is reproducing. The higher the number, the further along your infection is. You want this number to be as low as possible; "undetectable" currently means less than 50 copies. Note that you can be undetectable for years, but you're still infected; HIV hides out in a number of places in the body, and while the HIV drugs stop it from reproducing, it doesn't actually kill the virus that's already there. Sometimes, because the viral load can get very high (millions or even billions of copies), this number is expressed as a logarithm. CD4 count refers to the number of CD4+ T helper cells in your blood sample. These cells are basically the mastermind of your active immune system. They are the ones that will trigger an immune response to an infection (specifically, they trigger B lymphocytes to produce antibodies--proteins that bind to and either kill viruses and bacteria or tag them for destruction and also what the HIV test looks for--and trigger CD8+ T killer cells which will destroy infected cells). Remove these cells from the picture (which is what HIV does) and your immune system will no longer respond to infections. These so-called "opportunistic infections" are what actually kills you. Your CD4 count will naturally vary quite a bit depending on a number of factors. Age, general overall health, mood, exercise, sleep, diet, genetics...all of these things can have an impact on how healthy your immune system is and how well it will stand up to the HIV infection. Like Tiger said, 450 is a bit low, but you're still OK. In general, the CDC recommends that treatment start at the latest when your CD4 count drops to 350 or below. However, there is some research that suggests that earlier intervention is better...by starting treatment while your CD4 count is still relatively high you're setting a good baseline. *** In general, the magic number for HIV treatment is three drugs that attack the virus in three different ways. HIV mutates extremely easily, which is why early drugs that successfully stopped HIV in the lab didn't work for very long in patients when given by themselves. What happened is that the AZT would stop the virus from reproducing for a short time, but it would mutate, become resistant to AZT and then start growing again. The three HIV drugs in Stribild attack two of the proteins that HIV uses to reproduce. One is an integrase inhibitor, which the virus uses to transfer its genetic material into the chromosome of the cell it has invaded (it integrates it into your cellular DNA, hence the name). Stop the integrase, and the virus cannot insert itself into your DNA, which means it's blocked from reproducing (viruses reproduce by hijacking your cells and getting them to make copies of the virus rather than reproducing themselves). Integrase inhibitors are a relatively new class of drugs; they've only been on the market for the last five years or so. The other two HIV drugs in Stribild attack a different protein called reverse transcriptase. Reverse transcriptase is a protein used by the virus to convert HIV's RNA into DNA that can then be integrated (via integrase) into the cell's own DNA. Each of the two drugs attack reverse transcriptase in different ways (there are three subclasses of reverse transcriptase inhibitors). This class is the oldest class of HIV drug; one of the drugs in Stribild is actually closely related to the very first HIV drug, AZT. So the bottom line here is that you must have (at least) three different drugs attacking HIV in three different ways in order to control it. Any less than that, and HIV will eventually mutate and become resistant to those drugs. Worse, that resistance is inherited, meaning that those particular drugs will never work again on your virus. And even worse still, in general, if your virus acquires resistance to one drug, then it acquires resistance to all other drugs in the same class. So a lot of HIV research has focused on two areas: first, developing medications within existing classes that are easier to take (may be taken fewer times per day, fewer side effects, etc.); second, developing new classes of medications that attack HIV in new ways (like integrase inhibitors vs. the three kinds of reverse transcriptase inhibitors; in addition, there are other classes that your doctor is holding in reserve for you, like protease inhibitors, fusion inhibitors, etc.). Having a wide range of medications in each class, and a wide range of classes increases the arsenal we can throw at the virus. The wide range of medications within a class means we can look for a medication that will be easy for you to take. And lots of classes means that we have fallback positions should you acquire resistance to one or more of your meds. Over time, we've identified certain combinations that work particularly well for many people. The drug companies have conveniently bundled these into single pill formulations to make things even easier for you. These are once-a-day regimens that have few side effects for most people. Stribild is one example; Atripla and Complera are others. *** So what should you be doing? Your part in your therapy is twofold: 1) prevent resistance and viral mutation. 2) maintain your immune system The most important thing you can do is prevent HIV from becoming resistant to your drug regimen. You do this by taking your medications as prescribed consistently. Skipping doses allows the virus to start growing again. This in turn gives the virus a chance to gain resistance to the drugs you have been taking. Ask your doctor questions. What side effects can I expect? Will they get better with time? Are there any life-threatening side effects? When should I take the drug? Should it be taken with food or without or does it matter? Monitor your side effects. If they are difficult to live with, do not stop taking the drug (unless it's a life threatening side effect; then go to the hospital immediately). Report the side effect to your doctor. He or she will work with you if they are causing you serious problems. This generally means finding a different drug that may be easier for you to take. Remember, you're looking for a drug combination that will work for you indefinitely; I've been going strong on mine for about ten years now. Don't try to tough it out. I made this mistake early on. I didn't report some pretty difficult side effects, figuring that I could handle it. I couldn't, ended up skipping doses, and now I'm resistant to two medications. Remember, keeping your meds with you requires some advance planning. If you will be traveling, bring everything you need plus some extra. You should never be without at least a one month supply unopened. You should never be caught in any situation where you might run out of your meds. As for maintaining your immune system, this is all of the good advice doctors give us that we never take. Eat a healthy diet, including lots of fruits and vegetables Get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep every night Exercise regularly Avoid recreational drugs, including alcohol and tobacco (many actively disrupt the immune system) Maintain good, positive mental health; seek help if necessary

My concern here is that the management has made the quite reasonable decision to confine discussion of drugs to that forum (which can be individually blocked by username), on the grounds that we're acting out of an abundance of caution to make sure no-one who is in recovery is triggered. I don't know exactly where that line is, but trust the judgment of the mods. This is really the heart of the matter. I will tell you that I got into anonymous bareback sex long before I ever heard that meth existed. I've thought about where this comes from, because clearly, I'm far from the only one. I think there are a few sources: There's the closet itself, which means that our first gay experiences are much more likely to have been blowing a stranger in a park than dating a guy in high school. There's the internalized homophobia, which causes depression directly and probably plays a role in driving some gay men into using sex and/or drugs to salve that emotional wound. There's the institutional homophobia, which denies us access to institutions (like churches and marriage) that traditionally have encouraged permanent, monogamous relationships, and also feeds the internalized homophobia. There's the overall culture among out gay men that encourages lots of sex, open relationships, etc. And then there's the nature of men generally, who are driven to spread their seed far and wide as a matter of genetic fitness. Now, I've observed changes in all of those categories (although obviously not the last one) over the 20+ years I've been around the gay community. Life is immeasurably better for young kids in school, which in many cases is leading them to come out at younger ages and have a more "normal" teenage experience. Even if I'd recognized my homosexuality as a teenager, I never would have dreamed of doing anything about it back in the '80s. And obviously, pretty much everywhere in the Western world, gay men are much more accepted than we were 20 years ago. Things are immeasurably better than they were back when I first came out, even in pretty conservative parts of the US. The combination of those two has the effect of reducing internalized homophobia. There are support structures in place that simply did not exist. Families are much more supportive. And, much to the chagrin of guys on this site, gay culture has changed. Part of that is the AIDS crisis. Part of that is gay men themselves who want a more "normal" life and see it within their reach. The bathhouse is no longer an experience commonly shared by just about every gay man. Back in the day, random bareback sex was the norm in the community. Now we're a subculture. That's not to say we're all turning into gay Republicans (although there's a certain amount of hypocrisy who look down their nose at guys like us even as they sneak off on Craigslist hookups). But the culture has changed, and to some degree, most of the guys here (and I include myself) are throwbacks to an earlier era. Ultimately, I think this will result in a healthier community (although given the rate we're assimilating, I think we're losing the distinctly gay community, which I regret). Honestly, much as I enjoy many of the things that we celebrate here, the barebacking, the anonymous sex, the promiscuity, the fetishes, and even, perhaps, the drug use (I personally have really come to enjoy having a secret double life that would shock the hell out of my friends, co-workers and family), I have to recognize that those activities are risky and unhealthy, both for myself and for others. And perhaps that's part of the draw. But I think we should be getting into them with our eyes open. And also understand that they will, as time goes on, cut us off both from society in general, but also from the mainstream of gay culture too.

Mods, may want to move this to the chem forum...not sure how appropriate this is for the general one. I will tell you that, as a guy who's tried a number of substances, and who has fairly extensive experience with meth, and also as someone who's gone through a rehab or two, the 12-step process pretty seriously as well as some alternative methods, I have to say that while my 12-step experiences did have some positive lessons for me, I'm not terribly sold on it as it relates to me. Please note, that is not to say that it might not be right for a lot of people. Just not for me. The first hurdle that many guys in our situation who are trying to get off of some kind of substance abuse is the difficulty of talking about things that are commonplace in our community that generally aren't discussed in mixed company. This isn't a matter of being willing to identify as gay; that's usually not an issue. It's harder to talk about our approach to sex, or the number of partners, or the particular fetishes we may have, especially as relates to barebacking and HIV issues in the context of pretty extreme promiscuity, anonymous sex, or even chasing/gifting. These are things that I wouldn't discuss with my very closest straight friends, even with some gay ones. The problem is that people in *A may very well accept you talking about such behavior, but only in the context of the depths of depravity that substance abuse sunk you to. I found that there was a strong sex-negative bias in just about every group I attended, and that included groups that were run by and on behalf of gay men. That also included the gay man who had been my longest serving sponsor. Now, to be sure, especially in my case, my sexual fetishes play a very strong role in my own substance abuse...the two were (and to some extent still are) tangled up pretty severely. Meth use in my case mostly manifested in shifting my already pretty healthy sex drive into overdrive. And conversely, my sexual activities even while sober would often lead me towards using again (for instance, if I went to a bathhouse and ran into someone with a supply there). But total abstinence from sex did very little to make things better; on the contrary, it ensured that when I fell off the wagon, I did so in every respect. Sexual abstinence only served to make keeping off meth harder because it offered additional pathways for me to screw up. Now, most *A believers would tell you that both my drug use and my sex life were manifestations of the same underlying problems. And perhaps there's some element of truth to that. My sex life has changed since I started making some other fairly fundamental changes to my life. The problem is that, much as they will deny it, *A is intricately bound up with a particular sort of Christianity. And so it's pretty incomprehensible to most *A members that one wouldn't end up living a pretty Christian (in sexual terms, monogamous) life if indeed one was truly healthy. Which leads to my main beef with *A. And it has a lot to do with their saying, "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps." The problem is, the more I looked at the people who had really stuck with the program, the more I decided that I really did not want what they had. Almost to a person, they had taken the intensity that had fueled their addiction and rechanneled it into the program. This lent an aura of cultishness to the program. It also led me to suspect that the 12-step process that supposedly addressed the underlying problems of addiction really didn't seem to do anything of the kind. Now again, there may well be people here who are in recovery and who find that the 12-step program works very well for them. And I would certainly encourage anyone who's struggling with addiction to check out a number of groups, AA, NA, CA, CMA, whatever and give it your best shot. And furthermore, I'd encourage you to make absolutely sure that you are giving it a real try and not just going through the motions. For some people, it may be just what they need. But I'd also tell you that if *A isn't working out, that it's not the only game in town. And far from what the people in the rooms will tell you (and to me, this was another warning sign), there are people who manage to beat addictions through other means. I've personally tried to take the best of what they taught me and apply it to my own life. And I'm grateful for the experience. As far as advice goes, especially for barebacking, that's the same regardless of whether you're into drugs, in recovery, or never touched a mind-altering substance in your life. Educate yourself. Know the risks. Consider the moral consequences of what you want to get into. Search your conscience so you know you'll be able to live with yourself. And then go out and have fun within those parameters.