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What Is A Fuck Buddy To You?


TigerMilner
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My daughter asked me recently who is he to you about one of my fuck buddies who has been a regular of mine for 7 years now. It has made start really thinking about what she asked. What is he to me? Who am I to him? I have another less regular one who I've been seeing for over 8 years. To me a fuck buddy is a hook up who worked out well, there is good chemistry and we like to fuck. Most of the time, all we do is fuck. All we talk about is the next fuck. Occasionally one will become a friend, sometimes we keep fucking but usually when they move to the friend zone the fucking fades out. It makes me wonder, what is a fuck buddy to you? Do they mean something to you? Do you get to know them after several years? Do you care about them? I know I do. I value them as an important part of my life. Yet they don't share my life. Man that question as made me really take a hard look at this.

Edited by TigerMilner
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I concur - without pouring out too much vintaged emoution - in my experience, people in the Friends' zone (and vice versa) do not smoothly traverse to <mutually-desired> fucking or other full-on sex practicex. For the most part.

 

Most vivid but opposite examples I can share:

One (who I actually lived with and fallen for pretty hard) have put the breaks on the whole emotional thing upon my confession to him, but since recovered back to again a Friends' zone. I did get my heart broken, too many things clicked for me in this, along with the chemistry. Again, my-single-sided view. We regularly talk and meet when there is a chance - he's moved out and away away since.

Another, who initially was a long time friend with no plans for benefits, somehow crossed his brain wires that I wanted to fuck him and decided to brag on it as if a won conquest to our mutual acquantances (granted more 'his' than 'mine'). So much so that I've heard about it from a 3rd party and put full stop on that nonsense myself pretty much on the spot. And refused to have had a word for years since. I have no further interests in that person.

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Great thread and perfect answer.

 

I can't really say I've known a fuck buddy for that long in my life. Fuck my barber I've known since I was 18. Gay friendly. But I haven't known a fuck bud for that long. A fuck buddy when I was younger taught me the best lesson in terms of fuck buddies and sex with guys. That they are moments that you appreciate and cherish when they're gone. 

 

Generally for me, I have sex with someone before I become friends. Generally because I'm too damn hard and horny to focus on anything but sex. But travel a lot so don't have regulars like I used to. Only one of my fuck buddies in the last few years took me to lunch. Although when I met him I was a much different person then I am now. Think it dissapointed him slightly, but sex was still good. One of the big things that people on here and hook up sites forget (especially those that are into age gap hook ups) is it's rare and hard to find stuff in common with others. Which means more sex then friends.

 

But something that really interested me about your post. "I value them as an important part of my life. Yet they don't share my life." I've viewed men like that and I'm sure men have viewed me like that. It's hard for some to understand but sometimes the most indirect people in your life that you see often or rarely are the ones that are the most important. Even if you don't let them know or they don't let you know.

 

I've always heard the the fuck buddy status can't or doesn't last forever. Like you said either ends altogther, ends as friends, or something else. There was a guy in the past I dropped everything to see when he wanted to. He was upfront at least and told me that's what he liked about me. He hinted becoming friends but had a busy schedule and never wanted to do anything outside of sex, I never pushed or asked either. Maybe you should talk to your fuck bud and ask his opinion as well.

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To me a fuck buddy is a friend who I can hook up with and vice versa with little effort and drama.  I text him and we arrange to meet at the others place where we fuck and then go about our day or soemtimes we hang out or spend the night.  To me a fuck buddy is someone  I can depend on for good sex without any feelings needing to be discussed or anything like that.  

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For me, A fuck buddy is someone I have sex with on some sort of regular basis, we may know basic facts about each other, but the entire basis of our relationship is to get together for sex.  we may be cordial to each other when we meet out and about, but don't necessarily talk about our relationship.  they can sometime end when one or the other ends up in a monogamous relationship, but can start back up easily when we are free to fuck again.  There can be pillow talk after sex, but it is not about us having a future together as Boyfriends or Husbands.

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Great question tiger.

My sex life is almost completely anonymous, I really never see the guy fucking me, but I've had lots of hookups turn into what I'd call a "fb." For me a Fb is someone who keeps coming back, and I definitely develope affection for each one. I had one recently who I really miss because I moved, but he was an awesome fuck to the point where I'd have to bite my toungue to keep from saying "I love you" lol.

One of the cool things about our lives is we get to define them. I like not being stuck with someone else's definition of relationship. I've had some great fbs and am greatful for each one. These are obviously mutually satisfying relationships, why wouldn't they be considered valuable?

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I've always found that keeping a fuck buddy at that level is always the hard part. I never get into a proper relationship very easily as I like to be really sure it will have some staying power. But, a lot of guys fall into having a relationship at the drop of a hat and sometimes I can tell they are angling towards having the 'I'd like us to be something more' moment, even when I always say right at the start that it's going to be friends with benefits and nothing else. A fuck buddy to me is just that. Someone I get along with for great sex and no drama or expectations.

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Fuckbuds are about lust, pure and simple, a cock, a hole, whatever kink you might share, the deed is done and maybe a bit of small talk before you part company.  Beyond that, there are friends with benefits, men you actually care for.  These are the ones who spend the night in bed with you, the ones you invite to parties and the connection is deeper.

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While I have several local fuck buds, most of my fuck buds are around the country as I travel quite a bit.    The main advantage with a fuck bud is it's usually an easy hookup to arrange as we're both known to each other, and know what turns us on.

 

When I'm traveling, I'm not always up to wasting a lot of time on the hookup sites.    If I can quickly arrange a hookup with a fuck bud, it gives us both a chance to blow off steam, so to speak, without any of the pitfalls that hookup sites present sometimes.   

 

While fuck buddies are not friends,  I often have drinks or a meal with him after we fuck.    But we don't develop the kind of relationship that I have with a friend.

 

It's really all about having convenient sex without any baggage.

 

I don't hit on my friends for sex, nor do they hit on me.     I occasionally like to go to sex parties, and, inevitably sooner or later a friend or acquaintance shows up.

I usually try to avoid having sex with them, but if it happens, I go with the flow.    With an acquaintance it's not too bad, but I think it changes the friendship relationship, or at least makes it a bit awkward (for me anyway) if I see them later in a non sexual setting.

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A fuck buddy to me is someone who is more than a hook up. He's a repeat hook up. Different from friends with benefits. I've had both. I did things non sexual with the friend with benefits. Fuck buddy? We got together to fuck. That was it.

Yes I've had both as well and I see the difference now. "Like friends with benefits?" is exactly what my daughter's last comment was. This question really has my head spinning. Mainly because I don't know what he is to me? And I don't know what I am to him? Why should I care? Why this one? Why does he keep coming back? Today is the seventh anniversary of him answering my CL post and our first two fucks. I hate that I know shit like that. What am I? A girl? lol.

Edited by TigerMilner
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Yes I've had both as well and I see the difference now. "Like friends with benefits?" is exactly what my daughter's last comment was. This question really has my head spinning. Mainly because I don't know what he is to me? And I don't know what I am to him? Why should I care? Why this one? Why does he keep coming back? Today is the seventh anniversary of him answering my CL post and our first two fucks. I hate that I know shit like that. What am I? A girl? lol.

I don't think it makes you a girl. And I know you didn't mean that literally. The only thing I think it proves is that you are human. On some level, you care about him. Seven years.... Any normal human would develop some sense of caring about someone they've known (through the intimate act of fucking, no less) for seven years. Doesn't mean you love him. You just care. Even if he is just a fuck buddy. Not a bad trait to have, if you ask me.

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I have had a couple fuck buddies over the years.  I have also had a few friends that I have had semi-regular sex with---but no real relationship with other than normal stuff and the occasional friendly fuck.   I never considered them the same thing.

 

The fuck buds have been guys who would show up to fuck with just a phone call.  They would do the job...and leave.  Of course, that call could be originated from either one of us.  My first fb was a very well endowed black college student I met after moving to a new town.  Over the course of the next three years (his time at college), we fucked a lot.  It was always one of us calling the other, a quick car trip, animalistic sex and a trip home.  We both got what we wanted, never had to do without sex.  But, I don't know that I ever saw him when one or both of use were not nude.  It was all about ready access to a good cock.

 

The friend fucks were guys I had a pretty normal friend relationship that we would allow to go to the bedroom on occasion.  It has never been a booty call like with a fuck bud...and it certainly was not a dating relationship.   

 

I have to admit, the fuck bud sex I have had (and based on my descriptions) has been hotter and more enjoyable than any of the friend fucks.   Don't get me wrong, any cock in my ass is a good cock...but the no frills, no fuss fuck bud sex has always been a nice addition to my sex life.

 

I am just now working out that fuck bud relationship with a non-detectable top who lives near me.  We have fucked a few times.  The last two times were both when he called and said he was gonna come over and plow me......in about 15 minutes.   Both times, I unlock the door, get nude....he come over, rams it home and leaves.   So far, it has been great sex.

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