Depression & Barebacking/bug Chasing

[tallslenderguy]

i was likely depressed most of my life when religious and married (to a woman). i could not resist hook up sex and cheating. i realized later that getting fucked was my only form of sexual affirmation. Once i processed through all my cultural bias and accepted who i am, the obsessive, uncontrollable  need to get fucked just simply stopped. Getting fucked is an awesome form of self expression for me now, but i don't need it to medicate anymore, i haven't known depression since i accepted myself. But when i was trapped in my prison of wrong belief, it was absolutely medication for depression. 

[BlindRawFucker1]

I have most likely been depressed all of my life, although, I've never been treated for it.  I remember as young as seven or eight, the comment being made, "He's in one of his "moods" again."  Overall, I think my depression has a lot to do with the fact that I was trying--even at a very young age-- to deal with the fact that I was gay.  Even if I didn't know exactly what that meant at the time.  I just knew I was different, and being blind didn't help.

 

I don't know if I bareback because of it.  I was just asked once if I wanted to fuck without acondom, and I said, "yeah!"  I heard that it felt so good, an I wanted to try it.  I did, and it did.

 

I can't truly say it is more of a turn on mentally to have sex bareback.  I never feel more alive than when I'm with someone, whether top or bottom.  I love the pleasure, and I love the fact that I'm hopefully giving pleasure to someone else.  The cum is just a bonus.

 

I'm a very lonely person.  My sexual opportunities are few and far between.  I do know that while engaged with another guy, the rest of the world doesn't matter, and I don't think about the darker times.

 

So, do I bareback because I'm depressed?  I don't think so.  Does barebacking help relieve my depression temporarily?  Yes!  But, also does sex with a condom.  Barebacking just feels better physically.

 

Is barebacking dangerous?  Yes!  Do I care if I contract HIV?  Not really.  The thought of death has never bothered me.  The manner of death does, however.

 

Dying in a fire, or being attacked by an animal petrifies me.  Slipping into a coma, and never waking up doesn't.

 

I don't mind the thought of HIV.  But, I don't want any other less lethal bugs.

 

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone else.  But it is my two cents worth.  No more or less insightful than any other opinion or thought on the topic.

 

Enjoy yourselves guys.

[ErosWired]

This isn’t quantum physics, guys.

But it is science. Sex releases endorphins into the body, especially orgasm, and cum contains chemicals that directly combat depression and low mood, including serotonin, the neurotransmitter assisted when you take many antidepressants, and oxytocin, which has been linked to orgasm and anxiety reduction. In addition, touching skin-to-skin also triggers release of oxytocin and endorphins. 

@Oldercumslut‘s point about self-medicating is right on the money. It would not be strange at all to find a correlation between both unipolar and bipolar depression and bb sex; in fact, it would be odd to find that there were no such correlation.

I have suffered from refractive (treatment-resistant) unipolar depression with dysthymia for more than 35 years. It’s some baaaad mamma-jamma. I have no doubt whatsoever that, at least in part, I have been driven into my role as a promiscuous bareback cumdump slut by the crushing internal need to fight off the darkness.

I can say with confidence, however, that I don’t do it with an intent to ultimately harm myself, either consciously or subconsciously. I don’t have that kind of self-destructive impulse.

“If you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks into you.” - Nietzsche

”If you lie too long in the baths, cock fucks into you.” - ErosWired

 

[orionboy1]

I was suffering from depression through my early to mid teens, had a lot to do with realizing I was gay and couldn't accept myself. Took zoloft for a few years, however, when I came out my depression disappeared. Not a bugchaser, but definitely hooked on taking raw dick. I do assume most bugchasers have a very low sense of self worth and probably suffer from mental illness though. 

[Pozlover1]

1 minute ago, orionboy1 said:

I was suffering from depression through my early to mid teens, had a lot to do with realizing I was gay and couldn't accept myself. Took zoloft for a few years, however, when I came out my depression disappeared. Not a bugchaser, but definitely hooked on taking raw dick. I do assume most bugchasers have a very low sense of self worth and probably suffer from mental illness though. 

I suppose some are, but so many?

I say a lot of it is the same strong feeling of impending doom that makes others hoard beans and bullets. 

As such, a priority to enjoy life full speed ahead and damn the torpedos is at least as logical as being terrified of catching it. 

Eat dessert first, bitches...

[Guest FinalDL2021]

I think it also has to do with, I don't see anything in the future, going forward that I am really going to miss out on, Socially culturally, and personally. I am living in the now, and really enjoying it.

 

Carp Diem

[Cravetoxic22]

I would definitely say there is a link between my bugchasing desires and my depression. I've only been suffering from depression badly for a few years now, but that's also when my bugchasing accelerated a lot. For me bugchasing is not about death / self-destruction. It's hard for me to pin down exactly why I'm chasing, but it's more about feeling alive, feeling excited, feeling something than about wanting to punish myself or lack of self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I very much do suffer from a lack of self-esteem, though. It's very complicated for me. Does anyone else relate to that? 

[AirmaxUK]

20 minutes ago, Cravetoxic22 said:

I would definitely say there is a link between my bugchasing desires and my depression. I've only been suffering from depression badly for a few years now, but that's also when my bugchasing accelerated a lot. For me bugchasing is not about death / self-destruction. It's hard for me to pin down exactly why I'm chasing, but it's more about feeling alive, feeling excited, feeling something than about wanting to punish myself or lack of self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I very much do suffer from a lack of self-esteem, though. It's very complicated for me. Does anyone else relate to that? 

For some guys, making that decision they feel "in control" of the situation? 

[LetsPOZBreed]

Depression leading to barebacking?  In hindsight, yes...  I wouldn't go so far as to say it was proper bugchasing; although, I knew conversion was a real possibility.  This was long before PrEP was a thing, so it was kind of inevitable.

As to why it lead there?  I'm sure I'd need a number of therapy sessions to uncover that.  But the shortest guess I can take is this.  It started out with a regular playmate where we ended up making the decision because neither one of us had a condom at that point; figured since we'd had sex countless times before - why not.  And we never went back.  By that stage, though, I also thought that if I even suggested going back to condom use that we'd stop playing.  So, yeah, there was also a bit of a self-esteem issue at play.

I did move cities a couple years later, and from that point onwards, I just knew that I wanted to just be an unashamed barebacker.  Actually converting took longer than you might think.  Happened about 4 years later.  Likely cause here was that I'd been playing with guys who were either neg/UD up until a point, so there wasn't any real transmission.  But once I started into some drug use, I became much more indiscriminate about looking for sex.  My best guess of the guy who likely converted me were guys who were recently pozzed also and hadn't yet begun treatment.

A part of me realises that I changed many things about my life after becoming poz (eating healthier and generally taking a bit more care of myself).  In hindsight, though, I never really got past the depression that led me down this road.  It's tough looking back on some of the past memories of the things I've done, just to get a little self-esteem and satisfaction.  I still seek to address the root causes of my own depression and try to do something about it.  

I'm learning to no longer value my own self-worth by whether or not men wants to fuck and breed me.  I've had far less sex in the last couple of years, but I'm actually okay with this.  The more recent times I've been sexual have been amazing; I'm going into it with the right mindset each time, and it comes across during the session.  Do I still bareback, though?  Absolutely...but I'm also UD (and have been for close to 10 years), am very upfront about that with my partners, and am not into any situation where there's an intent to "poz" someone.  Granted, that sounds a bit rich considering my profile name; however, that's only a roleplay scene I like to do with another consenting partner.  I don't want it on my own conscience that I've pozzed a guy - however he may deal with it afterwards; that would likely only further any depressed feelings I have, knowing that I've intentionally inflicted this upon another being.

[tallslenderguy]

Then there's this... a bit of extrapolation since the study was hetero, but i don't think it's a stretch to be inclusive.

 

"Does semen have antidepressant properties?

Gordon G Gallup Jr 1, Rebecca L Burch, Steven M Platek

Affiliations expand

PMID: 12049024

 

DOI: 10.1023/a:1015257004839

Abstract

In a sample of sexually active college females, condom use, as an indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract, was related to scores on the Beck Depression Inventory. Not only were females who were having sex without condoms less depressed, but depressive symptoms and suicide attempts among females who used condoms were proportional to the consistency of condom use. For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased. These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize depressive symptoms and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration."

[think before following links] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12049024/

[Cravetoxic22]

On 7/17/2023 at 1:30 AM, AirmaxAndy said:

For some guys, making that decision they feel "in control" of the situation? 

I think you're onto something. Depression and anxiety (though not the same thing in my experience) can definitely make me feel helpless and like my emotional state is out of my control. I think trying to change my status is probably some level of seeing control. 

[Kimberley]

I can relate.. when my mom passed away i was in a big depression and started to fuck bare all day 7 days a week with random guys from the internet to give myself a better feeling. taking more and more risk each day and before i knew i was a STD chaser..

[Guest]

I've had PTSD for a few years now with bouts of depression.

The depression is bought in by circumstances at home which I've finally started to address and will hopefully mean selling the house, splitting profits and getting my own place.

I have had lack of freedom for a while now and that has made me more determined to do what I want to do. I'm not getting any younger and at 57 done most things in my life.

However becoming poz is a choice I have made, and I'm sure when it happens will lead to a decline in bouts of depression.

I know for sure that it will make me feel better much the same way as I feel really good after taking a raw load.

I have even considered going to extreme lengths to getting pozzed such as finding poz addicts and sharing.

Strange behaviour indeed which would keep a psychiatric professional in business for a while.

However for me it's a lifestyle choice that I'm sure will make me feel better.

Not just becoming poz but for a short while sharing with genuine people.

I will definitely take meds and then enjoy my new lifestyle 

[Close2MyBro]

10 hours ago, Cravetoxic22 said:

I think you're onto something. Depression and anxiety (though not the same thing in my experience) can definitely make me feel helpless and like my emotional state is out of my control. I think trying to change my status is probably some level of seeing control. 

You're not far off about people doing this to feel like they're in control. That's one of the reasons many people take a long drive when they're troubled, as driving the car gives them some sense of control of their destination, while at the same time giving them the feeling that they're moving away from their troubles.

[Cravetoxic22]

On 7/28/2023 at 10:52 AM, Maturesub said:

I've had PTSD for a few years now with bouts of depression.

The depression is bought in by circumstances at home which I've finally started to address and will hopefully mean selling the house, splitting profits and getting my own place.

I have had lack of freedom for a while now and that has made me more determined to do what I want to do. I'm not getting any younger and at 57 done most things in my life.

However becoming poz is a choice I have made, and I'm sure when it happens will lead to a decline in bouts of depression.

I know for sure that it will make me feel better much the same way as I feel really good after taking a raw load.

I have even considered going to extreme lengths to getting pozzed such as finding poz addicts and sharing.

Strange behaviour indeed which would keep a psychiatric professional in business for a while.

However for me it's a lifestyle choice that I'm sure will make me feel better.

Not just becoming poz but for a short while sharing with genuine people.

I will definitely take meds and then enjoy my new lifestyle 

Props to you for figuring out what you need for your mental health. It’s never too late to work on meeting those needs.