Why do we find arrogant men appealing?

[funpozbottom]

I may not be able to fully relate since I have other uses for ketchup, and bananas upset my stomach, but it seems what you are describing may be a desire to be part of the fantasy. You see these guys as fakes, and they are in every sense bad actors as they present a parody of masculinity. Even though they are fake (or because you know they are fake) you want to play and be part of the show. And, if you participate, you become the center of the show. You become the object of their attention which gives you the opportunity to show off your experience. You may be looking at these guys, subconsciously thinking: "these guys are clueless amateurs. Let me show them how a professional really acts."   

[ErosWired]

This thread has taken a fascinating and unexpected direction - the explanations of different possible mindsets of attraction in this context have all been excellent, and I hope they continue. I haven’t yet heard one that really encapsulates my personal position ( @FaceLoad possibly comes closest) but so far I’ve found something to think about from each of you. Good thread!

[parvenu]

I managed to get a very confident alpha bi-sexual lad to agree to let me suck him (he does once every few months) on friday, i spent all day and he basically changed his mind, went to a party, didnt tell me and didnt even apologise the next day. He sent me pictures of him in the bath, looking innocent and confident and now im even more addicted. Cocky boys are so addictive and annoying lol.

[tallslenderguy]

i don’t. The kind of guy you describe doesn’t turn me on, I’ll take him and his cock if he wants to breed, but that type doesn’t turn me on.
i’m  not sure we can figure out all the whys of attraction? I don’t think our emotions always make sense. I don’t like bullies at all, but a guy who sees into me and can affectionately humiliate me or make me feel awkward knowing I can’t help wanting what He is serving up, He owns me. So not like what I describe is so obviously sane and what you describe not. 
I think the power of deep connection is personal and a little mysterious, but awesome. ❤️

[ErosWired]

@tallslenderguy - Reading your post, I realized that the way I posed my question suggested that I find these guys attractive. Like you, I don’t. I’m not intimidated by them either, I don’t feel left out of their circle and want to play their reindeer games, and I don’t feel inferior to them. Yet in spite of this, I feel a strong obligation to let them have their way with my cunt.

Anyone who has read much of my writing on here might observe that I feel a strong obligation to let any man have his way with my cunt, and that’s true, but that feeling is increased for some reason if the guy is cocky, overbearing, or otherwise inclined to treat me more like a whore than a lover. Who knows - maybe I really am just fully settling in to my permanent role as a vessel for semen, and fully grasping the full extent of what that means for me.

Ironically, one of the things that sets off the five-alarm Nope warning in my head is if a guy who’s fucking me says something like, “I could fall for you so easily.” (This has happened.) I’d gladly take on a dozen callous brutes who call me faggot as they rut me rather than tangling with one unwanted romantic’s needy heart.

[BlindRawFucker1]

I'm confused about myself after reading this topic.

 

I consider being a bully or arrogant, to be traits of a jerk, not a male.  If they are male traits,I guess I can't be considered a true male.

 

On the other hand, I have no desire to be female.  So, what am I?

 

Of course, this entire discussion could be way above my intelligence level.

 

Before anyone jumps me for that comment, I said it with absolutely no malice.  Human psychology and normalcy, often confounds me.

 

All I know is, I like my body parts, and I like to share them with humans who are kind, gentle, who have the same body parts as I do.

 

Overall, an extremely interesting discussion.

[MuscledHorse]

I am definitely not in that category. If you're arrogant, especially if you're drunk and being a prick you will get zero from me. Nothing about arrogance is appealing and it exposes a deep seated self loathing/insecurity in the individuals who exhibit the trait.

[Phallarchist]

6 hours ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

I consider being a bully or arrogant, to be traits of a jerk, not a male.

This evaluation sounds rational, whereas @ErosWired does not seem to be referring to an impulse founded in logic. And you have chosen just two traits that he mentioned. But if we were to take it as a rational proposition, then I would say that there need be no strict separation between the categories of "jerk" and "male". If most men exhibit "jerk" behaviors over evolutionary time and across cultures, then I don't think there can be a simple distinction.

Of course, the strength of this behavioral link would not be nearly as strong as the basic biological link between XY chromosomes and the development of the penis, testes, and sperm-production. Those correlations are virtual identities. But let's say the "jerk" correlation is 60% or even 20%. Those effect levels are still notable and bound to influence behaviors in others.

 

6 hours ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

If they are male traits,I guess I can't be considered a true male.

I take it that you are a "true male", in the chromosomal and gross anatomical sense. Homosexuality, on the other hand, is starkly atypical of males in general, and usually deleterious to genetic propagation. The behavioral and reproductive differences entailed by a primary or exclusive sexual response to male bodies make it difficult for me to easily place male homosexuals in the broader "male" category. It's a "one of these things is not like the other" situation.

 

6 hours ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

On the other hand, I have no desire to be female.  So, what am I?

I would say "Other". I consider reproductive distinctions fundamental. The vast majority of human beings have sexual impulses that are in line with their bodies' reproductive functions. They are male and female. The rest of us are something else, and since we are largely self-terminating, it probably doesn't matter much in the end what that thing is. "Other" or "both" or "neither" or "whatever": it's a catch-all pseudo-category for the irrelevant.

 

6 hours ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

Human psychology and normalcy, often confounds me.

They confound me also, in that my impulses are generally at odds with those of normal humans. Especially normal male humans. But I find it impossible to ignore them.

Edited May 19, 2020 by FaceLoad
Finally got username link to work

[Ranger Rick]

Confidence is attractive. Cockiness to s charming. Arrogance is off-putting. 

[barefootboy]

12 hours ago, MuscledHorse said:

I am definitely not in that category. If you're arrogant, especially if you're drunk and being a prick you will get zero from me. Nothing about arrogance is appealing and it exposes a deep seated self loathing/insecurity in the individuals who exhibit the trait.

I agree 100%!

[tallslenderguy]

On 5/17/2020 at 6:27 PM, ErosWired said:

Ironically, one of the things that sets off the five-alarm Nope warning in my head is if a guy who’s fucking me says something like, “I could fall for you so easily.” (This has happened.) I’d gladly take on a dozen callous brutes who call me faggot as they rut me rather than tangling with one unwanted romantic’s needy heart.

 i'm pretty much opposite. If i guy says "i could fall for you so easily,"  He just impregnated me (psychologically to go along with His physical seed). i don't perceive that as "needy" at all. i see vulnerability and openness as courageous. 

i've had to bite my mattress on occasion to keep from blurting "i love You" to a Top who has touched me in a way that's hard to describe, but we have connected and He has me.  i'd see it as "needy" if the Top or bottom said that routinely, to just anyone... but that has not been my experience on either side.

Edited May 20, 2020 by tallslenderguy

[Guest]

On 5/16/2020 at 8:11 PM, FaceLoad said:

Let's review the examples you provided:

• strut around taking up more than their fair share of personal space: just dominant behavior
• sit around with their legs spread: space-taking dominant behavior, plus phallic presentation (you know what's between those legs)
• unabashedly ogling every body that passes, offering comments boorish and unrefined (or just whistling): sexual aggression
• laughing louder than anything could be funny: the auditory form of taking space
• being ‘bro’: projecting masculinity by signalling membership in a shared male culture
• being badass: displaying bravery and skill in a bid to increase status and thereby, mating success
• being bullies: increasing status through comparison with relative weaklings

As Spunkinmyarse said, these behaviors are simply aspects of maleness. I would consider them common enough to be secondary sex characteristics, like muscularity or body hair, but in the behavioral realm. Such men aren't necessarily pleasant company, but they are probably closer to the natural state of the male human animal than the mannered and inhibited creatures that make up polite society. Just as male instinct makes some of these behaviors inevitable, your female instinct necessitates a degree of sexual arousal in response. I really don't think it's complicated.

Or maybe you would balk at the notion of having a female instinct. I don't think you can speak of sexual attraction to males apart from sexual dimorphism, but never mind, then, I'll substitute myself. My female instinct absolutely responds to a number of these characteristics, and I want to be mated by certain men who display them.

My problem is that many of my sexual urges are in fact male, but I lack the instinct to exhibit most of these secondary behaviors. No doubt, my self-presentation is comforting to those who have suffered from male tyranny, but it also minimizes the faggot-female sexual response necessary for my breeding success.

I like this description.  I think you captured it.

[evilqueerpig]

For me, nothing is a bigger turnoff than bad attitude and arrogance plays a major role.  There are plenty of queer men who aren't full of themselves.

[BlackDude]

On 5/17/2020 at 7:39 AM, blackrobe said:

I think you're exactly right @BlackDude. I'm drawn to quietly confident and relaxed men, they are themselves and don't need to put up a front. Arrogant men are, by and large, performing because they don't feel secure and confident in themselves. I'll take the quiet, dark-horse Dom or Top that everyone underestimates but who always manages to slip his cock into my mind before he ever gets it inside my cunt. I think that men are often hot *because* they are cool, relaxed, and confident.

Right on point. Example:

 

Before Covid I was at the local adult bookstore. This younger, twinkish guy walks in, playing in his phone. Obvious he had no intentions on fucking, just getting off being chased. Didn’t matter, guys still tired.

I knew his game, so I didn’t waste my time. I spent my time being kind to the shy, mid-40s neglected, divorced daddy. Long story short, when the twink left, along with his disappointed fan club, me and daddy fucking this otter type senseless. Daddy had a huge dig, fucked like an animal, and when he bred dude, I swear the while bookstore heard it. I had to fuck that cum back in, he shot so much. Super hot time. 

I made the right choice. If I woulda followed twink/tease, I prob woulda left with balls full of cum. 

[BruxoCub]

On 1/30/2021 at 9:31 AM, evilqueerpig said:

For me, nothing is a bigger turnoff than bad attitude and arrogance plays a major role.  There are plenty of queer men who aren't full of themselves.

Same.

There's plenty of dick in the sea ;)!