Racism and gay community

[Spunkinmyarse]

Are we moving to a place where we no longer have the right to reject?  A place where if someone demands sex, we are morally obliged to give it, or else be accused of some kind of -ism?  A place where personal preferences are seen as a smoke screen for bigotry?

I dislike profiles which state “No X, no Y”, just as much as I dislike profiles which state “X and Y to the front of the queue!”. They’re tasteless, lazy and just plain rude. But don’t tell me I’m not allowed to make a qualified rejection based on my own sexual preferences, and don’t make the mistake of thinking you know what kind of a person I am, just from the sexual preferences you think I might have.

I don’t want I live in a place where I get accused of commiting a thought crime, just because I won’t have sex with you.

[AsianPOZchaser]

This is non sense. And i have experience the similar thing while using app. Several months ago i got a message from a black guy asking for hookup. And i told him that

I am usually interested in asian. And he accused me for being a racist. WTF???

Dont we all have preference. I also have friends who experience the exact opposite while visiting abroad.

But, none of us thought that was racism. It is just a matter of preference. Lets be honest, you cant get horny to a guy who you are not into.  

[hungry_hole]

I'm like most people in the sense that I like some things and dislike others. And it is my right to do that.

What I don't like about the anti-racist sentiments is that they force people to like everybody. There are non-black people I don't like but if I say I don't like a black person, I'm then a racist. It's ridiculous and because I live in Canada, I'm tired  of hearing that Canada is a horrible racist country.

I think that we need to recognize that there is an aspect of what some like calling "epidemic of racism" that is completely normal and it will never go away. Many people prefer other people who look like them and I don't see anything wrong with that.

I'm past my 20's and 30's but I understand if a young guy doesn't want to have sex with me because I'm too old. What's the point of self-victimization? Nowadays everybody wants to be a victim of some sort. That's why I no longer respect the so-called victims.

 

[blackrobe]

9 hours ago, wood said:

A couple weekends ago I had a hot AF threesome with two men. One 5’8” one 6” both with 8.5x6 dicks. Im slightly smaller at a real 7.5”x6” but still 6’ tall. All of us are about 165lbs with decent bodies, but the 5’8” guy is kinda stacked.. anyway We all Fucked and nut in each other 4-5x. I haven’t felt that drained and filled at the same time in a while. It was such a hot time. I also date the taller guy and the shorter guy is an old Fuck bud who was visiting but The whole situation was sooo much amazing organic fun. We fucked, passed out, fucked, smoked some weed. Napped, ate, etc etc. such a good time. 

Anyway I Only bring this up because they are both black. I’m white. 

In a typical story here, or in a porn, or in so many places it would all be about “bbc and fetishized shit” and honestly it’s a terrible part of the gay community.

I bring that story up because it’s not uncommon for me, but as anyone who searches my posts I also never talk about it because I have no need to. I respect any person of any race as my equal, and frankly I always get the same respect in return. 

This.

If you are rejecting an entire race of people out-of-hand, regardless of their individual attractiveness, that deserves some close scrutiny. If you are objectifying and fetishizing an entire race of people, that deserves some close scrutiny. If there are ample men of different ethnic groups in your community and you can say you've never been sexually attracted to a black/latino/asian/south asian, white etc. man, that deserves some close scrutiny. If there are ample men of different ethnic groups in your community and you can say you've never played with/fucked a black/latino/asian/south asian, white man etc., that deserves some close scrutiny.

All this noise about "not being able to say no to sex with men of a specific race" is just that. Noise. It's as silly as the straight men reacting to "me too" by saying they are afraid to even *talk* to a woman in case they do something wrong. Talk, just don't be an asshole or a rapist. How hard is that? The same is true when dealing with different ethnic groups, just don't be an asshole or a racist.

Anyone who says that not rejecting an entire ethnic group of men out-of-hand is the same as not being able to refuse a man from that ethic group isn't being intellectually honest. The step after not rejecting *everyone* in that group, is being open to *someone* in that group that you *are* attracted to.

For example, as a rule I'm attracted to men who look very sexually mature (bigger, stronger, hairier), so it's easy to imagine writing off asian men who don't generally fit that as well. However, there are asian men that I find myself very drawn to who put out that strong, sexually mature vibe. It's simply a matter of being open to them.

[1000GUYS]

2 hours ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

Are we moving to a place where we no longer have the right to reject?  A place where if someone demands sex, we are morally obliged to give it, or else be accused of some kind of -ism?  A place where personal preferences are seen as a smoke screen for bigotry?

I dislike profiles which state “No X, no Y”, just as much as I dislike profiles which state “X and Y to the front of the queue!”. They’re tasteless, lazy and just plain rude. But don’t tell me I’m not allowed to make a qualified rejection based on my own sexual preferences, and don’t make the mistake of thinking you know what kind of a person I am, just from the sexual preferences you think I might have.

I don’t want I live in a place where I get accused of commiting a thought crime, just because I won’t have sex with you.

its easy to say all of that when you are "the beauty standard"

[Ranger Rick]

One side effect of the current national obsession with race is that it denies diversity within races. Not all people within a race are the same. It is perfectly possible to feel attracted by someone who presents like Richard Ayoade and repulsed by someone like street trash and vice versa. 

Everyone has a type. Strictly limiting yourself to a type or categorically eliminating a type is of course within a person's right because everyone has a right to sexual autonomy. Although doing either is going to limit one's experiences and probably result in missing out on some good fun. 

[garsento]

There are real differences between not liking particular styles (of fashion, of self-presentation) that might be associated with a particular group and rejecting everyone who belongs to a group no matter what they do or how they look.

There are also real differences between being interested in someone only because of one or two notable differences and just being open to partners from different backgrounds.

Gay and bi and queer people, I think, have an advantage over heterosexuals: We have a lot of experience examining ourselves, to look at what we really want and how this differs from what other people say we should want. We can do better.

(Yes, limiting ourselves is also going to limit our potential for fun.)

[find91]

2 hours ago, blackrobe said:

This.

If you are rejecting an entire race of people out-of-hand, regardless of their individual attractiveness, that deserves some close scrutiny. If you are objectifying and fetishizing an entire race of people, that deserves some close scrutiny. If there are ample men of different ethnic groups in your community and you can say you've never been sexually attracted to a black/latino/asian/south asian, white etc. man, that deserves some close scrutiny. If there are ample men of different ethnic groups in your community and you can say you've never played with/fucked a black/latino/asian/south asian, white man etc., that deserves some close scrutiny.

All this noise about "not being able to say no to sex with men of a specific race" is just that. Noise. It's as silly as the straight men reacting to "me too" by saying they are afraid to even *talk* to a woman in case they do something wrong. Talk, just don't be an asshole or a rapist. How hard is that? The same is true when dealing with different ethnic groups, just don't be an asshole or a racist.

Anyone who says that not rejecting an entire ethnic group of men out-of-hand is the same as not being able to refuse a man from that ethic group isn't being intellectually honest. The step after not rejecting *everyone* in that group, is being open to *someone* in that group that you *are* attracted to.

For example, as a rule I'm attracted to men who look very sexually mature (bigger, stronger, hairier), so it's easy to imagine writing off asian men who don't generally fit that as well. However, there are asian men that I find myself very drawn to who put out that strong, sexually mature vibe. It's simply a matter of being open to them.

Sad I can only like this comment once. Preach!

[find91]

I think why so many white gay men are time deaf to racism in the LGBTQX community is that gay culture has come to use to commodifying their members, but when the two people are of the same race it is passed off as preferrence. It's still wrong. Add race and gender and their is an added power dynamic that exasterbates the problem.

[Cutedelicategay]

This has been an interesting read. However the gay community has been deeply entrenched in relating themselves with fashionistas and porn stars. That's the standard we most gays set for themselves. Furthermore it is deeply divided psychologically as in peer pressure in order to belong to a group. Unlike my straight friends I take more time to dress up for a bar outing and that's why this entire feeling for "types" and "preferences". 

When people talk about sexual preferences, which by the way I agree with, how can one exercise such preferences in a dark room of a bathhouse? That's the double standards I am referring to when I wrote the post. 

[BlackDude]

I think I might make some enemies for this reply but it is what it is. First as a black person, I have seen more racism from Asians and Latinos in the gay community then from white guys. (I e posted about this before). Also,  I think it is funny how when we talk about racism in the gay community it always boils down to sex and preference. No one ever mentions the other aspects of gay life that are affected by racism. I.e. how you are treated at bars, by other gay people on the job, or even in a group setting. Also, as a black person, I find most of the “preference” people are really insecure and mediocre and have nothing going for them but their whiteness. Most of them. They talk about preference, but it even bothers them when one of their friends date  a black person. They won’t talk  the other areas because in truth it is not a preference at all it is just racism. They just boil it down to sex  so they can hide behind preference. Which is fine by me. Rarely do I see a hot white guy who is racist . But I can’t blame them white guys. We as Black people, and I also say Latins and Asians (Who don’t classify themselves as white), need to stop literally begging for every white man who is out there even when they do not want us. That’s why the ego of some of these dudes is so inflated. If you want a white guy, there are plenty out there who are hot and got it together that won’t require you making a fool out of themselves. 

[analluv27]

Ok for me being a portly middle aged Black man that's HIV positive . I've been turned down at the bathhouse and theatre. And that's ok as long as your respectful. Personally I'm not pushy you express you're not interested I back down and move along but they one's with the attitude, eye rolling I don't figure.

The funny thing is sometimes if you're there long enough I've found the same guys that turned me down suddenly get interested. The polite one's I'm down but the others I've politely declined.

It's called decorum, sadly a lot of people lack it

[BlindRawFucker1]

I hesitated to get involved in this topic, because I wasn't sure if I could put into words my thoughts.

 

Is the gay community more racist, or is it more discriminatory?

 

I am white, blind, older and smaller.  Think about all of those limitations for a moment.

 

I have never had anyone be outright rude to me, but I have definitely been passed by.

 

But, I do have my preferences also.  I want someone close to my size.  It feels awkward to be with someone 8-10 inches taller and 100 pounds heavier.  Am I discriminating?  Yes!  Is it wrong?  I don't know.  I could miss out on a wonderful person, or just a good fuck.

 

I, for whatever reason am attracted to the idea of Asians.  One reason could be that they are usually smaller and smoother.  Would I rule out a small latin or black guy if they matched my other preferences?  No!  So, I might not be racist, but I would be discriminating against larger, hary guys?  Is that bad?

 

I don't want someone who is flying high on his drug of choice.  I want him to be very conscious of his hygiene.  I don't want someone who is rough.

 

Is that all wrong?  If you discriminate, are you racist?  If you are racist, are you discriminatory?

 

I do want to clarify something.  The blind community can be just as racist and discriminatory as any other group or subgroup.  Racists are everywhere.

 

We should try to change the actions and thoughts within our own communities, before we attempt to force others to change their actions and thoughts towards us.

[find91]

1 hour ago, BlackDude said:

I think I might make some enemies for this reply but it is what it is. First as a black person, I have seen more racism from Asians and Latinos in the gay community then from white guys. (I e posted about this before). Also,  I think it is funny how when we talk about racism in the gay community it always boils down to sex and preference. No one ever mentions the other aspects of gay life that are affected by racism. I.e. how you are treated at bars, by other gay people on the job, or even in a group setting. Also, as a black person, I find most of the “preference” people are really insecure and mediocre and have nothing going for them but their whiteness. Most of them. They talk about preference, but it even bothers them when one of their friends date  a black person. They won’t talk  the other areas because in truth it is not a preference at all it is just racism. They just boil it down to sex  so they can hide behind preference. Which is fine by me. Rarely do I see a hot white guy who is racist . But I can’t blame them white guys. We as Black people, and I also say Latins and Asians (Who don’t classify themselves as white), need to stop literally begging for every white man who is out there even when they do not want us. That’s why the ego of some of these dudes is so inflated. If you want a white guy, there are plenty out there who are hot and got it together that won’t require you making a fool out of themselves. 

Made yourself a friend instead;-)

[find91]

1 hour ago, analluv27 said:

Ok for me being a portly middle aged Black man that's HIV positive . I've been turned down at the bathhouse and theatre. And that's ok as long as your respectful. Personally I'm not pushy you express you're not interested I back down and move along but they one's with the attitude, eye rolling I don't figure.

The funny thing is sometimes if you're there long enough I've found the same guys that turned me down suddenly get interested. The polite one's I'm down but the others I've politely declined.

It's called decorum, sadly a lot of people lack it

That stuff happens online Bbrt especially if you wait long enough. Also I have seen that behavior with some guys as they age. They all of a sudden become open to black and or Latin. Some down right turn into hunter seeker mode. While in their 20 and 30 they only had preference for white.