Okay, Explain... Flakes

[FunCheerSlut]

Is there a scientific way to study this and to try and observe or identify the root causes which enable this behaviour? I am entirely curious (and also frustrated) by this "game" of who comes through and who flakes...AND it is very possible I have unintentionally done this to someone else in my desire to find "something better" online. Can you relate? You never know if someone is coming so you book two or three guys for about the same time and if two of them say they ultimately plan to come through it can be a gamble (as flake rates are high) and you pick the wrong one - you can truly have some regret about "feeding into this type of scenario"...ugh, eh?

What is the expression about ... the path to hell being paved with good intentions??

[revemupman]

I can answer this from a top perspective. Some men get cold feet. Anxiety sets in and they can’t perform. Especially if they chatted you up about how they’re going to blow your back out and end up suffering performance anxiety. Another reason is they found a better ass they want to breed and are too cowardly to be upfront like I am. 
 

MESSAGE TO BB BOTTOMS: A hook up is never real until his dick is in you. Don’t get your hopes up if someone says I’m on the way. The internet is fake. It’s only in the flesh is when it’s real. Never believe they’re coming until they are literally dick deep in you. 

[JamesL100]

4 hours ago, revemupman said:

 Never believe they’re coming until they are literally dick deep in you. 

And then they really cum!

[AirmaxUK]

I've always thought that going from fantasy to action requires a step up in commitment and effort and that step for some is too big for their comfort zone - it's easier to stay home and have a wank,  so they flake. 

Browsing profiles on an app, chatting on WhatsApp, or whatever requires very little effort. You don't have to be washed and dressed, you can do it while watching TV, drinking, eating, even in the company of others or at work,  if you're discrete. It requires very little effort and no commitment.

(Back when you had to sit in front of a PC and use a dial-up Modem, there was a bit more commitment involved so I think that why it was better. But now it is instantaneous in our pockets 24/7 and zero effort)  

Going out to meet someone requires some effort: for a bottom, being cleaned out. Some level of grooming, even if it's putting on your best jock under sweatpants. Travel to meet... if you're taking transport then there's a cost and time investment and if you're driving you can't surf other profiles while doing so. Its sounds basic, but it is a level of effort and commitment beyond sitting at home.

Then there's the instant gratification factor - being wanted by someone you've seen on line and had horny chats with is more than enough for a lot of guys to knock out a quick wank of the fantasy of meeting and then that's that until the next time. For many the thrill of the chase and connecting with someone at this level validates their need to feel desirable and pumps their ego a little.  These apps are designed to be addictive and make you spend hours on them to generate more advertising revenue.

There's also the risk that if you met the other person they wouldn't live up to the mental model in your head you've constructed from talking to them or reading their profile - or most likely just looking at the pics. 

So... why I prefer going out to meet guys at places like cruising grounds, clubs, bars, saunas, etc is that they've committed to the hard part already - getting off their arses, preparing and going out. Because they're there, I know they are up for it. 

I don't think this'll change anytime soon, which is why places to meet other guys are so important. 

 

[UncleTop1960]

Hook ups need to happen quickly. I’m/we’re horny NOW. If you tell me you’re free in 10 hours time I’m very likely to either find someone else or masturbate. I don’t owe subs an explanation 

[BootmanLA]

4 hours ago, UncleTop1960 said:

Hook ups need to happen quickly. I’m/we’re horny NOW. If you tell me you’re free in 10 hours time I’m very likely to either find someone else or masturbate. I don’t owe subs an explanation 

I don't think you read the original post or else perhaps you don't understand it.

Nobody's arguing that if you want sex "now" you should have to wait ten hours for it. 

What people are complaining about is people who say "Yes I'll do it, let's meet up now" and then don't show.

So no, you don't owe a "sub" an explanation if you haven't committed to showing up. If you have, then, well, you do. Unless of course you're content with being a shit person.

[ErosWired]

8 hours ago, UncleTop1960 said:

I don’t owe subs an explanation

It depends on whether you told the sub you would come fuck him in ten hours. Once upon a time, a man’s word meant something. A man was judged by whether he would do what he said he would do. That’s important, because other people invest their valuable time, energy, resources and opportunities based on trust in a man says. But when people can no longer trust that any man will do what he says he will do, communal interaction based on trust ceases to function, and society erodes.

If you’re a man of honor, and you told the bottom you would fuck him in ten hours, either keep your word or explain yourself. If you’re not willing to keep your word, don’t offer the fuck.

[BootmanLA]

22 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

If you’re a man of honor, and you told the bottom you would fuck him in ten hours, either keep your word or explain yourself. If you’re not willing to keep your word, don’t offer the fuck.

Or, as I noted, such people should accept that other people will consider them  a shit person.

[bbzh]

I agree with the point made by @AirmaxUK that the focus should be more on cruising in person. I have been keeping track of the sex I have had the last 5 years and most of the encounters have occurred when I actually ventured into public spaces where guys are looking for sex. During the height of the pandemic, however, I focused on my fuck buddies.

I think seeing a guy in person trumps any online exchange. First of all, those photos, profile texts and stats that so many of us rely on to make decisions become irrelevant in person. Do I care if he is 6 ft or 5'9" if he's hot? Do I ask him to step on a scale? Once his dick is hard, do I say sorry I was looking for 8 inches? Online cruising creates this illusion (by way of the search function) that you can have what you want, but the truth is your options are quite limited. You have got to establish mutual attraction and agree on sexual practices and roles. You've got to agree on a time and someone has to travel. In person, you can determine in seconds if you're down to fuck. I travel and support bars, sex clubs and saunas because I know by going there I'll be busy sucking and fucking instead of sitting at home typing and hoping. 

[inactive]

On 11/13/2021 at 9:40 PM, LetsPOZBreed said:

  Twenty minutes later (and two stops from my destination) I get "did you leave yet?"  I couldn't believe it.  The flakiness around "have you left yours yet", "what time will you get here", "did I scare you off", and that whole thing, when I've clearly messaged my arrival time and asked for confirmation of address.

Imho, this could also be a failure of the app: sometimes, a few apps do not deliver messages properly & on time. If he did not receive the messages you sent when you were on your way, then his reaction would seem normal,  I guess...

[Guest]

Unfortunately I think there are a growing number of guys online that have no real intention of “Hooking Up”  They just post online to live out their fantasies in print form. 
They create over the top post hoping to lure guys into hot dialogue with them that will satisfy them mentally. Some will immediately  ask you go into detail about what you want, what will you do, what they will do etc. some will try and drag out the messages as long as they can. Once you push them to set a date and time they either ghost you or they will agree to meet then not show. 
 

I seen a post a week ago by a college kid claiming to be Hi VL looking to breed any holes. And it was his job to 🎁 and blah, blah I Sent him a message, he said he was interested then when I pressed on setting up a time he ghosted me! 
A guy today looking for pigs to form a breeding group. When pressed, he ghosted! 

You ever hear the ole saying if it sounds too good to be true it’s not real?                                                
 

Well apparently that old saying now applies to hook up sites.

If it sounds too good don’t waste your time!
 

 

Edited November 15, 2021 by Tampachaser626

[LetsPOZBreed]

3 hours ago, CumDump79 said:

Imho, this could also be a failure of the app: sometimes, a few apps do not deliver messages properly & on time. If he did not receive the messages you sent when you were on your way, then his reaction would seem normal,  I guess...

Oh, he saw them.  This was BBRT and the replies clearly quoted the message stating where I was and when I'd be there.  

[StockingsBB]

On 1/9/2021 at 11:20 PM, fatb0tb0i said:

I logged into bbrt once from a hotel room, found a guy just 200 ft away, staying at the same hotel.  We exchanged a couple of hot messages, I gave him my room number, and he ghosts me. 

Just 200 ft away...  I'm still frustrated over it.

 

I was staying at a hotel (Slough). I had been fucked earlier in the evening but I was wanting another load. Found a guy on grindr in the same hotel and we arranged to meet. I knocked on his door and he didn’t answer. Wtf. 😂😂. We had swapped pics, discussed that we were both into raw , and organised the time etc. What was the point? His excuse . “Sorry didn’t hear you knocking” My opinion? All talk. Probably a frustrated husband who had a few beers , but has never fucked a guy before. 

[BootmanLA]

9 hours ago, bbzh said:

I agree with the point made by @AirmaxAndy that the focus should be more on cruising in person.

For those in a sufficiently large city, that is probably an option. For the hundreds of thousands (or more) of gay men who live in small cities, towns, or rural areas, in-person cruising is frequently unavailable and dangerous when it is. Many such places have no gay bars or other gay-friendly establishments and public cruising can lead to arrest and/or being beaten or killed. If nothing else, an app gives those people some level of security by allowing them to feel out the person before divulging contact information or specific location.

9 hours ago, bbzh said:

I think seeing a guy in person trumps any online exchange. First of all, those photos, profile texts and stats that so many of us rely on to make decisions become irrelevant in person. Do I care if he is 6 ft or 5'9" if he's hot? Do I ask him to step on a scale? Once his dick is hard, do I say sorry I was looking for 8 inches?

....

In person, you can determine in seconds if you're down to fuck. I travel and support bars, sex clubs and saunas because I know by going there I'll be busy sucking and fucking instead of sitting at home typing and hoping. 

Again, sometimes that works, sometimes not. In the past, I've met guys out at gay bars who even came home with me anticipating play - and then having more than one of them zip up once we got to the "feel each other's erections through clothing" stage. Only one was blunt enough to just say it - "I thought you were bigger" - but yeah, there are guys who will say "sorry, I was looking for a bigger cock" and leave even after going to all that trouble.

Online, at least, I can be up front that I'm not that big and not to expect me to flip for them, and if that's an issue, they can decline without having to look me in the eye. Your mileage may vary.

[scott0882]

I had one guy flake out on me a couple times. He would give me the name of the motel/hotel and room number. I would drive 20-25 minutes and get to the room and knocked on the door for nothing. Usually get some lame excuse on why he wasn’t there.