Okay, Explain... Flakes

[kinkysuBB]

On 1/11/2021 at 8:20 PM, bbzh said:

I wonder if the pandemic is driving people to flake more than usual?

I’d say so. I’ve probably even been accused of flaking since it started. Back at the start of the pandemic, I was still logging on to apps, really out of boredom and wanting to chat to guys. I didn’t want to hook up, and I naively thought no one else would actually be looking to hook up either.

When I realised how wrong I was, I put it in my profile that I’m not meeting up. I still had people asking to, and one guy told me I “always have an excuse.” Now I’m an absolute party whore, I just hadn’t had an opportunity to meet up with him yet, and to be honest I think covid is a pretty damn good excuse.

After that I gave up on apps. I log on to Bbrt every so often to check in, but I don’t engage. I’ll be back when this passes. 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, subBottomKink said:

I’d say so. I’ve probably even been accused of flaking since it started. Back at the start of the pandemic, I was still logging on to apps, really out of boredom and wanting to chat to guys. I didn’t want to hook up, and I naively thought no one else would actually be looking to hook up either.

When I realised how wrong I was, I put it in my profile that I’m not meeting up. I still had people asking to, and one guy told me I “always have an excuse.” Now I’m an absolute party whore, I just hadn’t had an opportunity to meet up with him yet, and to be honest I think covid is a pretty damn good excuse.

After that I gave up on apps. I log on to Bbrt every so often to check in, but I don’t engage. I’ll be back when this passes. 

I wouldn't call that flaking though, that's saying 'not now'. To me flaking is when a guy says 'yes' and then doesn't turn up, or cancels on you. Now everyone has the right to change their mind with sex, but it's a dick move to string someone along intentionally or deceive them.

[under3st]

12 hours ago, ErosWired said:

This night in Nashville, one of the guys who showed an interest but ultimately didn’t opt in was concerned about his health, but not because of COVID. It was because I had indicated that I had four loads already in me. He said that was “scary” and that he “didn’t want to catch something.” I thought, but didn’t say, that it was kind of ironic that he was fretting about STDs while out trolling for random hookups in the middle of a pandemic. Clearly, that wasn’t what was deterring him.

Except some of us aren’t playing games, and as long as we continue to tolerate this shitty behavior as though it were somehow acceptable, it’s going to continue.
 

The more I’ve thought about all this, the more I’m inclined to give up hotel hosting altogether. For the amount of concentrated effort I put into it (never mind the expense) to reach as few men in service as I actually do, it’s just not cost-effective. On that night in Nashville, my Grindr profile alone got more than 300 views in the space of 12 hours, and I ended up servicing 5 men. So on a Friday night, only 1.6% of men thinking about a hookup went for what was the equivalent of low-hanging ripe fruit on the tree. It’s possible that I’ve been wrong all along in thinking that men actually want to fuck - it may be that in fact, most of them actually don’t. It may be that most men are simply looking for titillation rather than action, and that’s not what all those Doms trained me to provide. If so, that makes me sad because it means that anon hotel hosting is never going to be an efficient way of connecting with men who actually want service, and aside from the bathhouse, I don’t know of any other options.

Totally understood. I said “game” in quotes because we’re using an app, phone, etc. to engage and not the physical, in-person connection.  We’re playing in these app’s sandboxes, so until there is a better way to weed out flakes, we either continue to play with that risk or find someone else’s sandbox. 
 

And while I’ll never truly understand why people flake, it’s ok and I think it’s just part of being in such a large, easy to chat/access community.  Not saying I support the behavior, but in today’s world, there is an excuse for everything it seems. 

[ErosWired]

10 hours ago, under3st said:

And while I’ll never truly understand why people flake, it’s ok and I think it’s just part of being in such a large, easy to chat/access community.

I guess this is where I would have to disagree - it’s not ok. It’s a shitty, dickish thing to do to somebody and there isn’t a good excuse for doing it. If the community keeps tolerating it as “just a part of it” then it will keep happening, but there’s nothing that says it has to be that way. The main obstacle to reform is the fact that flakers seldom experience any consequence for having behaved badly.

[under3st]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

I guess this is where I would have to disagree - it’s not ok. It’s a shitty, dickish thing to do to somebody and there isn’t a good excuse for doing it. If the community keeps tolerating it as “just a part of it” then it will keep happening, but there’s nothing that says it has to be that way. The main obstacle to reform is the fact that flakers seldom experience any consequence for having behaved badly.

I meant, it ok that I’ll never understand why people do it.  I’m not that type of person, so I’ll just have to be ok not understanding their reasoning or behaviors, regardless if they feel it’s justified.  Flaking isn’t ok with me; I don’t do it and expect others to not flake either. I get it life and situation happens, but some people lead on and never have anything intention in meeting. 
 

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

On 1/11/2021 at 12:42 PM, BlackDude said:

I believe 99% of flakes are just holding out for a better option or have an overly inflated opinion of themselves. They’d rather not fuck and hold out for a guy who is “worthy of them. Not saying people have to have no standards, but if I want to be sexually repressed, I’ll get married. 
 

I have little patience online. If your waiting too long to respond, or indicate you’re trying to hook up, but have a bunch of excuses, I block. 

Def! And that’s why I’m blocking for forever and never give them a second chance. Simply because I love and respect myself too much to not being treated like a fucking piece of shit! I’ve been always found myself in the first place and never let anyone use me as a fallback if their “better one” will jump out from their hands! My life’s psychology is very simple to get: either you wanna fuck my holes, or don't fuck my brains and fuck off outta my life!  If you call yourself a "real man" then you should behave like a real man!  Otherwise, I'm not interested in being fucked by another pathetic faggot! Am I a Bitch? Yes I am! And honestly I’m a Proud Bitch!

[BlackDude]

We have too much simping in the gay community. Guys willing to be openly disrespected, and continue begging for sex. You see this happen in straight culture. And I may get slammed for this, but this also the result of a culture where we tell mediocrity that it is a perfect 10. Similar  to women, we have a bunch of really OK guys Who have really over inflated egos. They think it is OK to flake, or will just hold out for someone they think is “worthy.”

As a result, I believe you will see an group of gay Incels  in the next 10 years if we don’t start punishing the flakes/game players.

 

 

[BBSMKR]

I think most of us have experienced this to some degree. My worst one was a guy with the same fetishes that had been talking for months. Finally I travelled 3hrs to meet in a hotel and all was still good until an hr before we were due to meet then comms stopped. Later that evening I got an apology but his Dad had suddenly died. I was of course skeptical, but gave my sympathies. Over the next few weeks we continued to chat, then out of the blue I was ghosted. Strangely he’s not blocked me on any Apps, including a WhatsApp where I can see he’s read my messages, but he still won’t reply. On the plus side I got an amazing rim and fuck that night thanks to a random on Scruff.

[BlackDude]

15 minutes ago, BBSMKR said:

I think most of us have experienced this to some degree. My worst one was a guy with the same fetishes that had been talking for months. Finally I travelled 3hrs to meet in a hotel and all was still good until an hr before we were due to meet then comms stopped. Later that evening I got an apology but his Dad had suddenly died. I was of course skeptical, but gave my sympathies. Over the next few weeks we continued to chat, then out of the blue I was ghosted. Strangely he’s not blocked me on any Apps, including a WhatsApp where I can see he’s read my messages, but he still won’t reply. On the plus side I got an amazing rim and fuck that night thanks to a random on Scruff.

Damn that sucks. But you did right, shook it off and had a great experience in a new/different location. However, I definitely wouldn’t have kept messaging. At this point you are just feeding his ego, and he feels comfortable flaking on you or anyone else because there will be no consequences. You did the next guy no favors. 

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

2 hours ago, BlackDude said:

We have too much simping in the gay community. Guys willing to be openly disrespected, and continue begging for sex. You see this happen in straight culture. And I may get slammed for this, but this also the result of a culture where we tell mediocrity that it is a perfect 10. Similar  to women, we have a bunch of really OK guys Who have really over inflated egos. They think it is OK to flake, or will just hold out for someone they think is “worthy.”

As a result, I believe you will see an group of gay Incels  in the next 10 years if we don’t start punishing the flakes/game players.

 

 

You know why this happened and from where it came to? This is a result of this reality wrong community policy of the “representation” with the bits of help of “canceled culture”. And most of you are don’t know where you wrong and how this should be fixed. I will explain it. American LGBTQ community gave the power and indulgence to uneducated egocentric infantile Zoomers that now have to try “teaching life” to other people around the World. They have no Education Degree, they have no experience in surviving from the government pressure and hard unacceptable homophobia, they don’t know about how this shit is fucking hard when your friends and loving boyfriends are died from AIDS, lastly! Their interest in life is walking around them, their ego, and nothing more important. American LGBTQ people gave a fucking HUGE power to an unprofessional bunch of shit and now are trying to figure out what was wrong with them and their community. Isn’t that? Also, these uneducated unstudied without empathy for other people are unpacked their evilness end madness, and promoted their wrong ideology with real totalitarianism and dictatorship. Isn’t that? Or I’m wrong? But the only thing that the American LGBTQ community can’t figure out is that this totalitarian and dictatorship behavior with an uncompromising ultimatum to everyone’s around the World is the point of view to no way to the future. Because historically any of the aggressive actions were not giving good results anyway at any time. Straight and religious people are very annoyed by this unprecedented and unpredictable behavior. And your “community leaders” don’t know about how to get the way of diplomacy and grownup and mutually respectful dialogue between 2 parties. 

[Rawdawg13]

It is such a problem here in New Orleans that its almost anther epidemic!  Its to the point I don't put faith in a damn thing until I see the whites of their eyes!  I've even had them text me "on the way" to my place as they got closer, then text me when they turned onto my street "almost there" then *poof* ...gone!.  My theory is that they get off on it..its just a part of their 'thing'.  Some people get off on rimming...and some people get off knowing the other person is ready to fuck and waiting for someone who'll never show up.  Its just their thing.  I have deleted my profiles so many times but I always come back because its all we have now...even in New Orleans which used to be fun but now isn't!

[Treehugger]

On 1/14/2021 at 12:11 PM, Rawdawg13 said:

New Orleans which used to be fun but now isn't!

Sadly so true. Used to be if you couldn’t get laid in New Orleans you were unfuckable. Now it’s apps and all the idiots have cover. 

[BootmanLA]

1 minute ago, Treehugger said:

Sadly so true. Used to be if you couldn’t get laid in New Orleans you were unfuckable. Now it’s apps and all the idiots have cover. 

To be fair to New Orleans: it's not that things are worse there than most other mid-large cities, it's that for a long time, it was a special example that was different from the rest of the country. So it perhaps stings a little more that hooking up is harder there than it used to be, compared with a place like, say, Indianapolis or Omaha.

[Treehugger]

What drives me crazy is all the flakes make it worse for when you legit have to bail on a hook-up. 
     As a bottom the whole clean out thing can be an issue. One time I was having an impossible time cleaning out. I ran the Erie Canal through my guts but didn’t matter still wasn’t clean enough. My hole got so sore from all the douching. I had to bail and did not want to admit to the top my butthole was sore and dirty. 😂 I made up some excuse. 

[Treehugger]

5 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

To be fair to New Orleans: it's not that things are worse there than most other mid-large cities, it's that for a long time, it was a special example that was different from the rest of the country. So it perhaps stings a little more that hooking up is harder there than it used to be, compared with a place like, say, Indianapolis or Omaha.

I am thinking of the bathhouses and bars. When I lived in NOLA there were two bathhouses plus the Country Club and you could easily get sex in the bars.

     If I wanted to give or get a load it was so easy to stop in and take care of business. 
     Now the bathhouses are gone and the bars had that problem a couple years ago and they cracked down on the sex.

     What’s left are the apps and it’s just not the same.