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I relate to this so much! It really messed with me when I was rejected too.

To be the only bottom at a party, I get tied up and the other guests, all tops, take turns using me all night no condoms allowed.

On a beach.

Good evening, beautiful, Miss me? I went to Ikea today to buy shelves for our study room, that empty wall we’ve always wanted to fill with something. Well, I did end up buying the shelves, but could you believe it? They had this set of nine nature canvases that I thought would be a great addition to the wall. And it was. I think you’re going to love it, and I’m really glad I didn’t put the shelves there because they would’ve made the space, and the room, feel cramped and messy. We’re actually moving away from minimalism and more towards controlled chaos, and I think this canvas wall strikes a great balance. As for the shelf, I’m thinking of putting it in the spare room, which we’ll convert into a massage room. The shelf will kind of be floating, so it gives us a lot of room to move around the massage table. You know, I’m spending a lot of money these days on home improvements, and I don’t really have a budget when it comes to these things. I’m a lot less stressed about money now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m single and spending less on eating out and all that, or if I’m just managing my finances better. I’m still earning pretty much the same as you were a year ago, and things have definitely gotten more expensive, but I’m spending more time at home, so yeah. I do want to share something with you. I was walking through the Ikea showroom today by myself, earphones in, listening to random English music, and life just felt really good. I walked with confidence, hands in the pockets of my jeans, and sometimes I’d just sit on a couch and watch the world go by. It felt so peaceful, buddy, like I didn’t have a care in the world. And with the way I carried myself, no one really noticed me. Everyone minded their own business. I think today was a big milestone in becoming comfortable being alone with myself. I didn’t look at the time. I didn’t have anywhere I had to be. Today, I went on a date with myself, and I had all the time in the world to do it. I also thought a bit about singing and the benefits of having a vocal coach. You’ll be paying triple digits per session, buddy, but it’s going to be worth it. I really like her because she spent the first lesson learning about my fears and insecurities around singing, and it turned out to be a therapy session I didn’t know I needed. In fact, we barely sang—maybe 15 minutes all up. Singing is about projecting your voice, yes, but it’s also about what’s going on inside your head while you do it. I used to doubt myself every time I sang, wondering if I was doing it right, but now I just sing from the heart and soul—and it actually sounds pretty good. When I sing, no one’s judging me. They just shrug and say, That’s classic Philip, and move on with their day, happy that I’m there enjoying life alongside them. I’ve learned that first and foremost, I perform for myself. Singing makes me happy. It makes life more expressive, more artful—especially when I learn the rules and then do what we do best: break them to create something special. I want to learn to sing so I can appreciate the art of music more—people’s voices and skills—because now I know how difficult it really is. I told my coach that I want to be able to sing wherever I find myself, and if someone hands me a mic, I won’t shy away. I’ll have the confidence to sing, and people will clap. But I’m not sure about that anymore. Because even if someone gave me the mic right now and I sang poorly, honestly, no one would care. They’d clap anyway because I gave it my best shot. So now, I’m learning to sing just to get away from the doubtful thoughts that swirl in my head. To put those voices somewhere else. To lose myself in the song and the melody and just sing like it’s my last day on earth. And I think I’m getting there, buddy—even after just one lesson. Can you imagine where I’ll be by session ten? Session twenty? I’m planning to do forty in total, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us and our voice. Chat soon. xx

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All done, none left

Good for you!! Let us know about the other visits!!