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bearbandit

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Everything posted by bearbandit

  1. bearbandit
    It's very exciting news, but it's only a report that such a thing is possible in vitro. In vivo syudies will take longer and human studies longer yet. It won't necessarily mean that we can go off meds completely: HIV and the meds have left a long bloody track in their wake, if you pardon the somewhat medieval imagery. I've always said that the majority of my medical problems have been caused by being one of the front runners in the race for new medications. Nevertheless I finally feel that I can say to newly diagnosed people "hang in there for ten years or so (not so difficult now that so many of the problems with meds have been sorted out) and there will be a functional cure"
  2. bearbandit

    Cum!

    bearbandit replied to Tom's topic in General Discussion

    The downside of a PA: from the day after my first (I gave it a little rest) I found I can't shoot any more, whether or not the ring is in, it just kinda dribbles out (well it's got two holes to choose from). Maybe this is also affected by the fact that I developed Diabetes 2 getting on for ten years ago, a side-effect of what were state of the art ARVs. Last week I was fucking on of those guys who jump across the room as soon as they think you're cumming. A very little got left in his ass (more than he deserved) and I used his face to clean myself up with: seemed to leave a reasonable load behind. Wish I'd had the camera to hand - I love pics of guys with cum all over their tacheses and beards....
  3. bearbandit
    One of my oldest friends is so fuckin' hot, especially after he started at the gym a couple of years ago... We discussed this subject recently and came to the conclusion that we knew too much about each other mentally for anything ever to work physically. We missed our moment about fifteen years ago (about the time he was lying in the bath at my place and I pissed over him - should have followed up on it then!) Although he's primarily bottom, he's grown into the perfect leather Daddy. And no, I don't do creepy stuff like wank off over images of him: he's just this guy who means a hell of a lot to me that I know I don't stand a chance with...
  4. bearbandit
    "They fuck you up, your mam and dad" I think the real problem here is that you've brought aspects of your own life into the bosom of the the family. They feel they can't approve of it and so starts WW3... I never got on with any of my family, except recently, my brother who's also gay; he gets to hear if I'm seeing anyone and I drop the word "play" from "play party". I can't imagine the hissy fit if he knew how much I hang out here: "I'm a respectable lawyer! It's difficult enough doing that if you're gay, adding in a brother doing the sort of stuff you do is not good for my career...." Fortunately for my brother he and I have different surnames - I needed to "divorce" my father who was not a pleasant man. Essentially I've desexualised myself for family visits, except when I was going on the bike, in which case you can't, but take a full set of clothes with instead. My questions to you would be do you stand to inherit substantial money? (If that's the case a couple of weeks of acting is a small price to pay) Do you like your family? (if the answer's "no" and there are no inheritances around them, by all means, withdraw as you suggest) A final point is that you were probably in the wrong inviting the guys back even though you knew the house would be empty: as my mother said, just before I walked out "my house, my rules". Ignoring the whole family issue, if you were staying at my house and wanted the big bedroom one night (I've got two others, but ther're full of moving crap) to bring trade home, and I didn't like the look of (ie didn't trust) the trade I'd happily give you the number of the hotel a couple of miles away.
  5. bearbandit
    Smooth is a disappointment, shaved (unless it's a punishment, in which case the whole scene changes) is an abomination. So a proper hairy arse for me...
  6. bearbandit
    Condoms are for sending a load through the post
  7. bearbandit
    People lie, especially if there's sex involved. I've seen poz friends' profiles where the whole issue is tactfully skirted around or where they've outright lied. A poz guy who's HIV is under control (and therefore as near to uninfectious as you can get) is probably a lot safer than the guy who hasn't tested for a while and thinks he's negative (while he might have picked it up a few months ago and have a massive viral load, making him very infectious). If you want to know why poz guys might lie about their status, try wearing a t-shirt declaring yourself to be poz to your local bar.
  8. bearbandit
    Define honesty and faithfulness. My partner, years ago, would give me a lift to my boyfriend's place if the weather was too rough for the bike. One night he even came back because I'd forgetten my pillbox. He wasn't particularly interested in my boyfriend, so on those nights, he missed the longing stare as he left. If he had someone over, I'd bring them breakfast in bed (if I approved of the boyfriend, otherwise just a cup of tea - I knew who was good enough for my man!). The point is that even if one of us did get emotionally involved with someone else, we each knew it was the other that we'd be coming home to. Married, playing safe? How much does Mrs Not_Sure_bb know?
  9. bearbandit
    I forget him: claims to be clean - most guys can use a shower. Oh? HIV- Yeah right, prove a negative... (strike one). DDF? one of the most insulting terms. Shit man, I 've diseases I can't pronounce, all under control from drugs. (strike two) Expects the same? The STI clinic is over that way (strike three). Despite claims to be HIV- there's a pretty good chance he's got a viral load higher than I've ever had, as well as syph, gonorrhoea (really good drug resistant one going around at present), hepatitis in various forms and others I'm too tired to mention. HIV isn't "special" it's just another STI: Go ask Daddy what it was like waiting in the STI clinic for your results in the seventies (some gay helplines in the UK insist that the male volunteers have quarterly STI checks like we used to do in the seventies "just to keep them up to date". Do it bare, please, by all means, but look after yourself as you're doing it. If we don't preotect ourselves by being careful with our health, we'll have the condom nazis moving in.
  10. bearbandit
    Over the last week: we were meant to be having a play party and as it got closer and closer to time, there were more and more bad weather reports and guys texting to say they couldn't get there. Eventually just me and him. He came right in my guts and sprayed the rest over my balls. After a break I fucked him, but he got nervous, not trusting my u/d V/L so I only left a little up there, before he sat down and spread it all over my dick. And what do bad boys get who won't take it up their arses? A lovely grey 'tache and beard streaked everywhere with cum...
  11. bearbandit
    If I close my eyes, it could mean I'm having fun, but on a selfish level: masturbation orchestrated for two. Nothing like lying right back moving maybe from just from belly or hips down while fucking or getting fucked. If I've got my hands behind my head I'm being the original selfish pig. If I get my hands behind his head, it's going to get rough. On the other hand I like that widening of the eyes as you get in and don't always deny to guys that fuck me. Fisting: there's so much of what is happening in his ass happens in his face as well, and, especially when you learning to fist, or haven't fisted in a while and need a revision course, you need to see what those eyes are saying. How else can you tell the difference between "please, no, Sir, can't take it, Sir, please stop" and "c'mon fucker, gimme the lot"? I was raped as a kid, but now that I've assimilated the experience into my life, it's an experience I can play with and get off on. A previous partner used to reckon I managed about five or six "noes" to every "yes", each and every one of them meaning the latter.
  12. bearbandit
    Good work Josh - never, ever, forget that the meds are there to work for you, not the other way round. And if the combination doesn't work for you, as a newbie (not meant to be insulting: I've been a prescription drug whore since AZT monotherapy!), you've got a hell of a range of drugs to choose from. Just make sure that you have your bloods monitored at least every three months. btw - sorry to hear about the problems you've had with your blog: FIGHT! Way back when Compuserve tried to close my and John's page down, the problem being a photo of me that showed too much, we fought back and won there. Not so easy when you've got lots of little attackers, I know, but I've avoided getting bashed by telling the drunken idiots that they really, really, did not want contact with my blood. People bully because they're scared: turn it back on them!
  13. bearbandit
    More on Isentriss/raltegravir: A recent study showed that it causes muscle pain in about 40% of people taking it. Makes me wonder how much of my rotator cuff injury is the swollen tendons themselves and how much is raltegravir joining the party. I'm doing the physio exercises appropriate for the injury site and where I feel the pain and frankly the exercises are a doddle, which I didn't expect when I started them. Could be that the rotator cuff injury isn't as serious as I thought and I can get back to the weights sooner :-)
  14. bearbandit
    What does HE want? If you can't take that on board, then , as einathens says, let him go while there are still good feelings between you. You can cherish those feelings and hopefully learn from them so that your next man, or maybe the one after him gains the benefit of what you've learned...
  15. bearbandit
    56 on Sunday
  16. bearbandit
    It's something John and I tried in the nineties. We'd always had an open relationship and he had excellent taste in men. The three-way started when Steve came over for a meal and when we were saying our goodbyes I was a little more enthusiastic about the goodbye kiss than a friend should be and half pulled him into the playroom... John and I lived together with Steve visiting. John and Steve had a big cigar fetish which I picked up on, though not as heavily as them (I filmed them once and the video became known as "that" video when we were doing play parties). John, as far as we knew wasn't poz while Steve and I were. We were careful not to bb with John around feeling it would be unfair to John. One xmas when John was working I stayed over at Steve's - I think John was glad of the quiet. John was always top. Between ourselves Steve and I switched and in threesomes we did as we were told. We had a lot of fun in the bars given that most guys were locked into the idea of only two guys in a relationship and a threesome was an occasional luxury. In the Facebook group "Lost Gay London" I found a photo of me and Steve from a Leather Pride march, mistakenly labelled as a mid nineties Gay Pride march (John had to work that day). It fell apart (I think) because Steve's partner couldn't handle the time we spent together and the pressure on Steve got too much. A messy ending, but we had a lot of fun, even though it was difficult getting over the fact that it was over...
  17. bearbandit
    Thanks guys - centre back neck had never occurred to me and it's the most obvious place, given my fetish for vests. It also avoids top/bottom symbolism - I think of myself as too top to be bottom and too bottom to be top. Versatile, not confused! And damn you, btm2bbred, I think I'll have to go along with the upper chest one as well. Again a place I hadn't considered, but makes absolute sense. Unless tomorrow's party is postponed till next week (quite a possibility as many villages are cut off at present because of the snow), I'll get started on the first one next week. Thanks for your input - even though I decided on places I hadn't considered but you suggested, the end decision is mine. Sometimes you need someone else's thoughts to show you what you're thinking. Diolch yn fawr!
  18. bearbandit
    Okay guys, I could use a little input here... the 26th of this month sees me having given the virus the finger for 26 years and I think I deserve a treat in the shape of a biohazard tattoo. Been pricing them up today and I can afford one for sure. I'm very paled skinned so I want to go for basic black (also black tattoo ink is basically carbon so there are very few reaction issues which I have had in the past). The biohazard shape doesn't lend itself to covering anything up, even if I wanted to: my arms are too full of disparate images to make a sleeve that I'd like. Each tat has its own meaning to me, however badly it's aged (first one was 89). So my arms, though carrying a lot of blank space are out. I have a bondage bear on my chest (from the days when it looked like three of us were going to form a relationship). It's hell having a straight tattooist getting that close to your tit without calling him "Daddy", but I did it ;-) I'm totally out about being HIV+ (like I do the TV interviews, press interviews because no-one else around here will) so I want some visibility which suggests a shoulder given that in warm weather I wear a vest/singlet (sorry don't like the american slang as I took my mother to A&E too often) or perhaps the right side of my chest, opposite bondage bear. But then I consider myself versatile (and, yes, I know indecisive!) so I'm also thinking back of my neck or under my throat. It'd be a lot easier if it was something I wanted to keep to myself. But then my cutoff is covered with rainbow flags, leather pride flags - I'm pretty obvious ;-) Guys, I've laid out my options as best I can. I'm not going to say "most votes win" but I would seriously appreciate your ideas. (And much as like the idea it's not going to be a skull job!) iechyd da...
  19. bearbandit
    AlwaysOpen - that is an excellent idea. Thank you!
  20. bearbandit
    So very sorry... the grief must feel so much worse for being unexpected. At the risk of offending, I'd say that 's a mercy. To nurse someone for months leading into hopeless years when you know what's going to happen breaks you. To the living I'd say make a will and an advance directive/living will to direct your care. To the bereaved I can only offer my sympathy and the knowledge that the sharp knife stab of grief does eventually become a dull ache. Take time out to recover as best you can from the grief and don't be afraid to ask for help.
  21. bearbandit
    There's a lot of fun to be had in bondageless bondage: "you want this, cunt, come and get it. except you can't because I told you know to move from where you are... C'm'on, lean forward so your lips just brush my dick... " "You wanna cum, boy, at the moment you come rip those clamps from your tits" (That one got me knee-hugging sobbing) The lack of chain or rope only serves to emphasise his desires (mine if you hit lucky ) and gives the top a perfect blank to work from. That said, for the right guy(s), I'll go as far as we agree. Finally I'd re-phrase The Breeder just above me "Men who use sexual contact as a weapon against someone, however, without the person's consent or advance knowledge, are sad and contemptible creatures.
  22. bearbandit
    Thanks for taking it like a man: I have diabetes and cannot afford any sort of injury to my feet
  23. bearbandit
    Thank you Tiger - if only you'd said that after cumming ;-) I can't emphasise enough the importance of doing your own research: the soporific effect of raltegravir/Isentriss had passed me by until this discussion. Now I know why I need a couple of hours on the settee after I've taken it. Since it's a twice a day drug, I'll move it to the middle and end of day spots. What really gets me about this thread is how we're all talking about how to live with/despite the bug: we're all coming from an attitude of "I'm gonna get through this" Fuckin excellent! I can't remember who said it, but you'll still find me coming to clinic on a walkingstick (which those who know I'm a pagan have renamed my broomstick). I'll also be wearing near full bike leathers: one, it's fucking cold here and two, they make me feel good.
  24. bearbandit
    For TigerMilner and anyone else taking it, Isentriss is known to contribute to low moods, which is why, in the UK at least, it's considered a second line drug. But if you get the low moods and can get past them, it's bloody brilliant. It may be the low mood effect, it may not, but I've made several phychological breakthroughs on topics which were really screwing my head, both with and without my therapist. I can already feel me next session starting with the words "shaddup you...." ;-)
  25. bearbandit
    I was recently disappointed to have to cancel a weekend with a guy of 67 because I found out my FB had set up a "surprise" play party for my 56th...

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