TheAficionado

Oh, yeah, I’m with you, uh… AIDSfaggot (hmm, somehow addressing you as such seems, well, rude). I know that readers are inclined to egg on the writers to tease out their stories ad nauseam. But this one, I think, would have benefitted from bidding adieu several installment earlier. Maybe it’s because the dogpile of humiliation reached critical mass for me. I just skimmed over the degradation in the last few chapters. The thrill is gone. Or, at least, dissipating. I mean, c’mon! I get the idea: At every turn, one or the other of our main characters—Austin or Dolt… er, I mean, Colt—gets pressed into service as a worthless hole. That standing is then zealously reinforced by a colorful array of indignities. Don’t these boys have, like, summer jobs? And as long as they’re used to humiliation, they should see if any of their college applications were accepted. You’re right, AIDSfaggot (that name doesn’t get easier): This story started out as a masterpiece. Our author, pervinmt, knew exactly how to push our buttons! And he demonstrated that talent at every turn—and I realize that’s true for some readers all the way through. But I had to give up.

You’ve fashioned quite an unusual and sexy love story, WhiteBoiMi55ing. And from your preface, I take it that this is a personal story, too, one that is based on your own experience: “Sadly one of these guys are gone and my therapist thought this (writing) might help ease some of my feelings.” I’m glad I only read that after reading your story; I might not have gotten into it as much as I did (and I did) if I’d read everything in order—and started with the, you know, preface. But the knowledge that these things might have really happened to you? Well, that lends your writing more gravitas, gives it an emotional heft. I was drawn to it even more when I realized that it wasn’t standard-issue Breeding Zone fare (not that I don’t read that, too). But your story is uncommon. Oh, it’s very homoerotic (as you warned us…in that preface), and it turned my crank quite nicely indeed. But let’s relieve you of an erroneous idea: In your preface (again), you insist that you aren’t a writer. Ah, WhiteBoiMi55ing. You are a writer, and a good one, too. Addendum: I only read comments from others after writing my own. JWC1202, what a well-observed, astute critique you’ve served up. That’s good commentary!

I used the jump thoughtfully provided by BBArchangel—or maybe the jump is courtesy of TaKinGDeePanal—to find “David Done Went and Made Me.” Okay, I’m goofing around. It’s “David Made Me,” which is deep indeed in the vault. Oh, but am I ever glad I checked it out; it was so worth it. I know there are some amazing archival stories—I used to take deep dives back when I first discovered this nasty little site. (And that’s “nasty” in a good way, like when Janet requires you to call her “Miss Jackson”—all because you were nasty that one time.) Anyway… what a well-told jack-off story! It was efficient, too. None of this business of beating around the bush with unnecessary family background drivel, or reciting the boys’ freshman college class schedules, or whatever. Because, I swear, we’re already greased up and ready. We simply require a naughty and intense tale to take us home. Oh, right! And the story should be well stocked with paragraphs—and lots of ‘em—paragraphs that detail exactly how a naïve character (who, you just know, has it comin’ to him)… how he finally gets the epic reaming he deserves. Er, not to be difficult, but… if it’s not too much trouble, could the story maybe supply us with some vulgar, abusive language? You know… gutter talk? Are these requests asking too much? (Again: Trying to be funny.) I read a sullen comment among the feedback notes that pointed out how the tale was bereft of chems—as if the reader had been cheated out of what was his birthright. I’m sorry, but I don’t recall chems being guaranteed as a component in every story on this site. Unless there’s some “Rules for Better Barebacking” file that I missed? Sure, chems are a primary reason we’re all here and not on Boyz With Hairy Armpits website. But this story hummed along quite nicely as it was—sober. And there will be plenty more chems in most stories. Right? Otherwise, whaddaya know? “David Made Me” delivers!

I gotta admit, I didn’t know what “tintinnabulation“ meant—never heard the word before (it’s in the first paragraph of the third chapter, Page 01, dated 19 June 2020). At first I thought it was a typo, but I couldn’t figure out what word/words it might be. So I looked it up: “tintinnabulation: a ringing or tinkling sound.” Ahh! Who knew you could build your vocabulary by reading pornography?!

I just went back to the first several chapters to be sure of this, but PHXariesAZ never even bothers with the nicety of giving the twins names! He always refers to them in general terms like “I took one twin, Chad took the other,” or, “we swapped twins.” Oh, c’mon, man! Indulge us—name the bastards! We’ll be more invested in them if they’re humanized with names! I realize, of course, that I’m pissin’ in the wind at this point. (Or pissin’ on a no-name twin, which would be more fun.) Our author’s last installment of this tale was furnished in—what?—February of 2017? Yeah, PHXariesAZ ain’t revisiting this story. Sorry, those of you who always, and endlessly, entreat for new chapters of every story. And really, at this point our Phoenix man has given us the blueprint for how any number of successive chapters would play out; all we have to do is read the last couple of chapters, lather, rinse, and repeat. That’s not a criticism—it’s the nature of porn. I think PHXariesAZ gave us a fine and well-constructed story to augment our masturbation. It amused me that those twins suffered the debasement of interchangeability. Who can bother telling twin apart anyway?

“Damon's semen had an edge to it, the bodily fluid equivalent of a chip on his shoulder.“ I read that line and just thought, Whoa! Porn with a literary bent! Not only is this a thoroughly frisky story—with long, lingering sexual congress between young Jay and various parties—why, it’s very well written. Maybe even better written than some, er, mainstream (that is, more broadly read) literary endeavors I’ve slogged through. So, wherever you are, gymguy8, please know that your work continues to be effective, be it for jacking off or something more edifying.

You’ve done a particularly amazing job with this chapter of the two brothers’ adventure, Carenath. It’s hard enough to write good porn that doesn’t wind up getting… well, kind of redundant (which is fine, everyone! just fine!). I’ve started this story before but never made it this far inland; the instructional nature of the first long chapter was certainly interesting, but for me it needed to move along at a faster clip. And one of the hosts I felt like needed to be outfitted with a gag. But this chapter! This chapter! The pace worked like a slow burn. I was shocked by how romantic and, well, loving the brothers’ relationship proved to be. Good Lord, I almost swooned! You wanna know what gets me hard? That does the trick! This tone of your story drew me in and turned me on! Who knew? I’ve read so many stories that favor mean behavior, brusque ramming, dirty talk, here-smoke-some-shit, and then—quick!—change the configuration for a subsequent chapter. There are always notable exceptions, but I started to think that all I’d ever get here would be (willing) assaults and nasty pigs. Okay, sure, I like those stories, too—just not, like, all the time. So once again, Carenath, you’ve done a knockout job on this story and particularly this chapter of the story. Thank you!

Well, I’ve read all 10 (oh, right! Roman numerals, so “X”) chapters of your tale, wtvrfzzz, and I gotta say, I’m quite impressed. You needn’t apologize, as you did at the top of Chapter X. I mean, c’mon! This is basically porno, and you’ve actually produced something here that goes beyond formula. Now…maybe I’m thinking that way because I just read all the chapters in one sitting. And anytime you’re exposed to such a large dose of something, it makes an impression. But I’m sober, so there is that. I know everyone clamors for more chapters, more chapters! to every author (none of whom are, like, getting paid to write this stuff). But really, we know that any of these things could end without notice. It’s the nature of horniness. Well, and self-medication. Plus, it’s hard enough for really good writers to top one chapter with the next one. There are good writers here, sure, but…published? And basically, porn is repetition to begin with. That’s a long wind up to make this point: When I check in to Breeding Zone, I try to keep expectations low. So when I come across multi-part writing like yours, which holds my (sober) interest over the course of 10 chapters…well! I’m not even sure I could attempt that. You’ve entertained us with plenty of variation on the grinding formula (er, also “the formula of grinding”). Also, I know what a challenge it can be to imbue characters with their own distinctive personalities, and then to choreograph them in scenes of intercourse (both forms, sexual and conversational) —but look at you, wtvrfzzz! You’ve done a decent job of both! So I don’t care if you can furnish more chapter until Victor bites the dust, or if this is as good as it gets. I think it’s plenty good! Remember, wherever you leave it, somebody’s always gonna whine for more.

Very similar to the earlier “Photographing Jason” (with multiple chapters), which I would recommend to readers who’ve enjoyed this one.

Whew! I’ll give you this, dude, you are a totally natural storyteller. I like the way you rip through dialogue, full steam ahead, never mind worrying about whether the reader’s keeping up—that’s our problem. It’s like, if you can’t get this story out out of your system, it will explode out of you anyway. So congrats on a great romcom Chapter One, complete with title card. You done real good!

Sorry, but I seem to have lost the long-winded, although highly complimentary, version of this note. Here’s the truncated version: Your story surprised me—it was so well done for a first effort here. I like that attitude Baby Bro Bobby shows, too! Welcome to the group, BigBroAlex!

There’s more to this topic than I originally imagined, as proven by the thoughtful response from, er, LetsPOZBreed. (It feel odd using such a bad boy screen name after reading your well-considered remarks.) I can appreciate your point, ErosWired. As I wrote, there are more aspects to the topic than I’d thought. Also, you may go back and correct your text with the nifty—pardon, useful—“Edit” tool, which you’ll see in a pull down menu under the three dots (•••) at the top of your newly posted rely. (I was so pleased when I saw that!)