drscorpio

This is a copy of the original post without the white background. (late 70's, Georgetown) I was a "latchkey hid" before that term was even invented. I went to school each day with a key held around my neck through a long shoelace. Mom worked at a dry-cleaner and came home tired and smelling of the chemicals they used. Our crooked, little house smelled like those chemicals mixed with cigarette smoke. Mom never smoked until after my dad took off and left us. I wish I remembered more about him -- all I can picture now is a bum, which is my mom always referred to him. If I wanted money for a record or a poster, Mom always said " Go find your bum of a father and ask him for money." I wondered if my father looked like the hobos I's seen in cartoons. Did his clothes have patches on them and did he carry a stick with a rag tied to the end? Did he eat food out of cans by a small bonfire? I was 10 years old and alone most of the time. I was a quiet kid who took everything so seriously....well not quite. I didn't always listen to Mom's instructions. She demanded that I start in my homework as soon as I got home from school. She especially didn't want me wandering off or getting in danger. We lived near the river. The Potomac. You could smell it from my front porch. Kids drowned there every Summer...or so Mom said. No parent would ever say "Go ahead and hang out there." But lots of kids went anyway. It was cool and green down there...and interesting. At least I thought so. There were so many little foot paths leading from the street down to the river. I would wander down there when I was feeling brave. I knew to look out for boards with nails sticking out. I knew to watch for "trampers" -- tramps who would settle along the grassy banks. They were traveling up and down the river, looking for a break in life. I'd see them begging on the street sometimes...and I wondered what stories they had to tell. They usually had long beards and smoked cigarette butts off the ground. Mom said that most of them had escaped from prison and would try to kill me. I doubted that. So I was walking along the river one early September day. School had started, but it was still hot. Once school started, Summer was over in my mind. We were learning to memorize all the presidents in order. My class had been instructed to memorize lots of things - state capitols, The Gettysburg address, lots of shit. So I stared down at the muddy path and ticked off the first twelve presidents in my head. I always got stuck after 12. There was a spot near here that was legendary...The Three Sisters. They were just big boulders in the river...supposedly haunted or something. Older teen guys used to go swimming there. I guess they just showing their bravery or something. Tempting fate. I just knew that there was a shady hidden place in the weeds where I could watch them...their broad, bare shoulders and deep tans. They yelled and said cuss words and I wished so bad that they would get naked. I knew better than to go into the water there. The Potomac was calm and still as a skating rink. But, underneath, there were swift whorls and currents that could drag you under. The three sisters wanted some company. I understood that, I guess. I believed in ghosts back then -- which made this more thrilling. I doubted the sisters wanted someone like me. I was nobody. I was nothing. Going further up river, the paths were less distinct. I would be in so much trouble if Mom knew I was out this far. But I did it all the time, daring myself to go a little further each day. I found a baseball once. It was practically new...just a greenish black scuff that looked a little like a screaming face. I also saw a used doctor's needle, and made a long step away from it. At one point there were no paths anymore. I just threaded through the thick trunks of the water-loving trees. Mom never got home before 7. I had time to keep going. Then I saw a long bank of short weeds...and there was a small group of 'bums'. Maybe I'd find Dad. They looked dirty and a few of them had their shirts off. I watched from a little shady hiding spot. They cussed a lot. One guy who was tall and had a full beard took off his pants and went into the water. I saw his bare butt, and I had a feeling. He didn't go out far into the battleship gray water. Maybe he was just getting a bath. He came back up to the shore and I saw his wiener...another feeling. They passed a bottle of what I knew was alcohol. A few more got naked and went for a quick swim. I watched their nakedness and listened to their laughter and dirty talk from my hiding spot. What would happen if they saw me? Would they kill me? I doubted it. But I didn't want to chance it. The shadows were getting longer and I knew I should head for home. I walked past the The Three Sisters and the teen boys horsing around. By the time I got home, Mom was already there. Uh oh. "Where you been, Benjamin?" "Just walking and trying to memorize the presidents in order." "I made tuna salad. A lot of it. We'll have sandwiches for dinner. Go wash your hands." It was my fault. I went to my friend Kenny's house the other day and his mom gave us tuna salad sandwiches. I asked Mom if she could make it, and she certainly did. A big plastic tub of it that would be around for a long time. I suddenly didn't want it anymore. The next day, I was so overwhelmed with thoughts that were strange and exotic. An idea was forming. Those guys were so thin and probably hungry. I could go make a bunch of sandwiches and take them to the hobos. Maybe they'd be my friends. Maybe. Something else was in my motives, but I didn't know what it was. So I got home and opened a new loaf of Sunbeam bread and made eleven sandwiches with that tuna salad. I put them in a big brown bag from the grocery store. I was focused on the Potomac hobos, but one of the beggars on M Street looked so thin and unhappy, that I gave him one of the sandwiches. He was gaunt and looked near starvation. How can anybody be hungry with all the food we had in this town?? It made no sense. The temps were in the mid-80's that day. Warm for this time of year. The gnats were thick around the three-foot tall weeds. There I was... a stupid kid, carrying a bag of sandwiches to a bunch of hobos who might murder me. But probably wouldn't. Mom always told me I had no common sense..just like my bum of a father. Maybe I didn't. I saw the crowd of trampers in the same spot as the day before. Weren't they supposed to be tramping, traveling, moving on? Maybe they heading South, following the last of Summer heat. Then I had second thoughts. This was kind of dumb. I could leave now, but what would I do with the sandwiches? I couldn't throw them away because I was always taught that wasting food was a sin. These guys needed food....maybe I could just leave it nearby. Too late. One of them saw me. "Hey. You there. What you doin' here?" I was busted. Just a dumb kid carrying tuna sandwiches. The guy who saw me was a large black man, wearing only wet jeans. I had to do this. "Hi. I'm Ben. I saw you guys the other day and thought you might like some food." I held the bag in front of me like it was a white flag. "Perfect timing, kid. What you got?" I handed the bag to the nearest bum guy. "It's tuna salad sandwiches. It's pretty good. My mom made it." I was surrounded by men with no shirts on, some black and some white. One guy had no clothes on whatsoever, with his big penis dangling between his legs like a Christmas ornament. Short, tall, hairy, smooth...they all reached in the bag and devoured what I'd brought. "Well, thank you, little man." The others mumbled thanks as well. I sat on the ground with them as they ate. One guy who was covered with red fur offered me a sip from his bottle, but I didn't take one. One smell of that on me and Mom would go ballistic. My dad was a drinker according to her. "I need to go home now. It was nice meeting you." "Okay. Cool. Come back any time. You're our friend now." Mom could barely believe I'd eaten all the tuna salad. She believed I'd consumed all that. "I'll make more next time. You are a growing boy and I knew you'd find an appetite eventually. I guess we'll have hamburgers tonight." One image I'd always have of Mom was of her frying ground beef patties with a cigarette in her mouth. I kept taking whatever food I could find in the house to the new friends I had made. I took the big jar of chunky peanut butter my mom had bought on sale. I spent my allowance on beef jerky and Fritos to bring these men. It wasn't long before I was one of them. I knew their names and was used to their nudity at times...but I still looked. Then it got colder and the trampers moved on. Damn weather. But there more of them each Summer. New hungry friends. Once I became a teenager, I stopped wandering along the river. I just wrote horrible poetry in my room and sulked...constantly. Mom was so fed up with me. (late 80's, Georgetown) I graduated and went to a really shitty community college. It was a long, one-story building that looked like a strip mall. It was only ten blocks from home. Mom had gotten older and those dry-cleaning chemicals had gotten to her. She coughed constantly and lost weight. I look back now and wish I'd been a better son. I was just too involved with my own brain. I was gay and had no idea what to do about it. The counselor at my school suggested I try an anti-depressant. No thanks. I wore my depression like a comfortable sweater. He didn't seem to understand me. How was this guy even qualified? "You need to think of others. Go outside of your head." "Like how? Work in a soup kitchen or something?" "That tone of yours -- lose it. Now. Volunteer for something. Be selfless. Spending all your time alone is not going to get you anywhere...not personally or professionally." He dug through his messy desk and found a folder of places that were always needing volunteers. "Now, I wouldn't recommend "Big Brothers"...they won't accept gay men. No getting around that, I'm afraid." Had I told him I was gay...or had he just guessed -- like Mom had. She was accepting as long as I didn't tell her anything about it. I took the folder home and went through the papers. I figured I could go pick up litter or bring food to old people. There were several places that seemed particularly in need of money and people....the free clinic, the AIDS hospice, and the AIDS outreach program seemed the most desperate. I knew from watching TV and reading the paper that this disease was pretty prevalent along the East coast now. I knew about it, knew how you got it. It was scary, but I was too involved with my own dark thoughts to think much about the outside world. I decided to avoid anything that involved patients. I wanted to avoid needles, pee and poop smells. The next afternoon I went to check out AIDS Outreach. It was in a pretty run-down building not far from me. It looked deserted from the sidewalk, but this was the right address. The door wasn't locked, but it was kind of dim inside. Then I met "Filly". "Hi. Can I help you?" A very effeminate young man greeted me. "Hi. I'm Ben. I came here to volunteer." I purposely tried to make my voice deeper. I didn't give off the gay vibe like that, did I? He introduced himself as 'Filly' which could have also been "Philly", short for "Phillip" possibly. I didn't ask. "Sorry it's so dark. We desperately need new fluorescent tubes. Got any money on you? Just kidding honey. Here, fill out this application. Application? To work for free? Whatever. I filled out the page and gave it to Filly. "Thanks, Sweetie. We just need your contact information. Are you gay?" "Um. What? Yeah. Why?" "Just checking. We sometimes get bible-thumpers show up and all they want to do for people is go tell them to accept Jesus. I swear." "What do you need me to do?" "I'll give you a quick lesson...we try to stem the tidal wave of new cases. I like your shirt, by the way. Our volunteers go to where the most vulnerable people are. We hand out condoms and pamphlets and tell them where to go for testing. We sometimes go and give talks at schools, but not that often. Our main focus is the front line. Get to those most at risk." "OK. When do I start?" "Well, I would say 'right now', but you have nice clothes on, and you look clean and shaved. You'll be going to some filthy places and sometimes the people there don't trust us right away. You have to change first...and put on a baseball cap if you have one. Then you can go out to K Street. Wait. No. That's a rough part of town and I'll send Peaches there. She outweighs you by about a hundred pounds and carries a knife. Sammy is already at the park with the hookers, which leaves you with the river. There are a lot of homeless man down there. They are mobile. If we can get to them before they pick up the virus and spread it, we're doing our job. But you really have to change. Don't wear good shoes. Those guys shit wherever and you don't want to step in that." "OK. I'll do it." My old haunt by the river. Filly gave me a plastic bag with rubbers and information cards. I didn't feel like changing clothes. I mean, anyone who didn't know to look down and watch where they walked had no business going anywhere. I stopped at a dumpy little convenience store and spent all the money I had on snacks, jerky and sodas. These guys had to fight hunger before they could fight anything else. It all came back to me as I went down the weed-choked hill. It was the same. The same shades of green and gray. The Potomac flowed silently by, waiting to claim victims and cause grief. My guess was enough drownings had happened that kids no longer found it thrilling. Finally. I found a neat little path that had most likely been made by the bums or the vagabonds or whatever they were called now. I sensed them before I saw The Three Sisters. Hello again, ladies.Then I heard talking. Already? They were never this close, but sure enough, the guys were here already. Goofing around a sharing a bottle -- as if no time had passed in a decade. There about six men...looking exactly like the friends I'd made here as a boy. Except I wasn't spying this time...I was volunteering. I just approached the and said, "Hi guys! Nice day, huh?" They stared and sized me up. "Whatchoo want here, boy?", a hillbilly-looking guy asked. "I brought you some lunch. Hungry?" I opened the bag of food and they hesitated only seconds before tearing into it. Everything was gone in a flash. One of them kept an eye on me. "What's in the other bag?", the suspicious guy asked. He was wearing overalls with the legs cut off into shorts. No shirt on underneath and no shoes. All of them were barefoot. I guess they needed to save their shoes for all the traveling. "Well..um...I also brought some things you might want. Or need. Condoms." I had no idea what their reaction would be. The overalls guy walked right up to me and stared me down. Oh shit. "Condoms? Like rubbers? You think we all out here fucking each other??" "No. Not at all. I just...well..I know they're expensive to buy...and...well." "Why? Do you want us to fuck you in the ass?!" He seemed mad for some reason. "No. Look, I just thought I'd offer. I'll go now." The river was dangerous in so many ways, but I had never feared it as much as I did now. . "Goddamn, Sully. Leave the kid alone. He's good people." A large bear-like man had spoke up. "Nah. I'm just jokin' him, Yawman. I'm jus' jokin' you, boy. Matter of fact, we corn-hole each other sometimes. It's not gay, it's just survival. Except Yawman...he's too proper. Plus his meat is too big for nobody to go near." The others laughed and the big Yawman looked down at the ground. "Lemme see those rubbers." I opened the bag and handed Sully a dozen plastic-wrapped condoms. This was uncomfortable. "What the fuckin' hell? Are these for little baby dicks?" "They're standard size...they stretch." "Hey guys -- look at these mini-rubbers the kid brought us! Let's see if they fit." He opened the fly of his overalls and let his dick hang loose. "Open it for me, boy." I had no experience with condoms, but I knew enough. I opened them all for the group. They all dropped their jeans and shorts (except for big Yawman). They laughed and tried to fit them on their soft dicks. I should have mentioned that a penis needs to be erect first, but I was too busy looking at all those genitals. They guffawed at how the condoms could barely fit on their soft, hat heads. "Yawman would need five times this size, right dude?" The big guy kept looking at his big, bare feet."Take that giant thing out...this'll be funny as shit." Yawman looked at the others and sighed. He dropped his filthy jeans, and showed the biggest, hardest cock on Earth. Sully walked over and held the new rubber up to the guy's hard-on. That drew laughs from the bunch. The big man looked at me with an embarrassed expression. He brought his jeans back up on his hips. "Well...use them if you need to. I'll come back next week if you're still here." Yawman finally spoke. "Nope. We're headed South tomorrow. But come tonight....we're having a bonfire and getting drunk. Come back after dark and bring booze if you have any." I saw a tiny flash in his dark brown eyes. Why was he homeless? He could speak well and would be so handsome if shaved the beard and cleaned up a little. I could see him as a senator or an attorney. And....and that dick! I had no idea they were made that big. I felt my own dick getting stiff as I walked home. The Three Sisters mocked my boner. I swear I could hear ghosts laughing. Or it was the wind. I got home and Mom was making dinner for us and her new boyfriend. He was an old guy with a gut and a love for whiskey. I wondered why she'd go for another alcoholic, but she was lonely. "Go wash up. Benjamin. We're having pork roast tonight. It's Winston's favorite. You look sun-burned. Be ready in ten minutes." It was a sad dinner. This Winston guy was loaded and nodding off while he chewed. They'd be going to bed early. And they did. I read "Junkie" by William S. Burroughs until the sun went down. The house was quiet except for the snoring from Mom's room. I snuck into the kitchen and found an almost full bottle of brown liquor. I assumed it was whiskey. There was a crow on the label. I raided the fridge for leftovers and put it all in a bag. I had a party to attend! The moon was pretty full and unobstructed by clouds. The night air was alive with the sound of insects and bats.My hometown had never seemed so energized before. I felt like I was barely touching the ground as I walked down to the river. I was on auto-pilot. The moon glowing off the river's surface was downright beautiful. It was okay for me to be here. I had only one word in my mind: Yawman. It didn't take long before I saw the yellow=orange glow of a fire along the bank. The guys had started the farewell party. The gang was there, standing around and passing a bottle...laughing and cussing. Yawmen was at the far left. I just went up and stood next to him. He grinned...and I noticed he was missing a few teeth on the bottom. I handed him the bag of booze and food. The bottle was more important to them than the food. I even took a few sips myself. It was a party after all. I felt a little drunk. I couldn't hoot and holler with the abandon these guys did, so Yawman and I made small talk. "Thanks for coming out tonight. I was hoping you would." "Where are you headed next?" I missed him already. "Who knows? Sully hasn't even decided if which direction we're going to go. September is a tricky time. There's more day work up north, but it will get cold soon. I'd rather be warm. My health ain't that great. I get tired and weak way sooner these days. And I got these sores appearin' on my stomach and legs. Look, there's one on my big toe." Sure enough, there was a raised reddish-purple spot on his massive foot. It looked ominous in the dancing light from the fire. "Well, you probably need better food or vitamins or something." He chuckled. "Or something is right. I bet it's cancer. My dad died of it when I was little, and then my sister got it. You can't change the hand your dealt. The bottle is coming around again. I'm partied out, but you should have some more." I'd do anything he asked. "Okay, but not too much more. I don't drink." "Good for you, Ben. Look at these guys. They're getting wasted. Question is -- are they going to fall into the fire or go start fucking first." The crowd had kind of dispersed. "Is it really true that you guys have sex with each other?" "Yup. This is a crazy,horny bunch. I never get to fuck anybody because of my size, but I've been on the receiving end lots of times...ever since I took to the road at 17. I'm dying to fuck somebody." "Wow." I had nothing to add. We just watched the flames until it was just us left. There was a splashing sound. Somebody had decided to go for a swim. Dumb. "I need to lie down for a little bit. Want to come with me?" God, yes I did. "I got a nice flat space staked out a few yards from here. We'll still get some light from the flames." He showed me his 'bedroom', which was a pile of blankets and what looked like an old sofa cushion.He'd flattened the weeds and grass pretty well with his big body. "This is peaceful." "Yeah. I don't like all the bug bites I wake up with. Most of them sleep closer to the ban, but there's something about that river I don't trust." I told him about The Three Sisters. "I grew up here and have heard the tale since I can remember. The sisters want company." Yawman was still standing, towering over me. "You've lived here your whole life?" "Yeah. I've never been more than a hundred miles from this time." "Have you ever kissed a man? Would you want to?" He laid one of his big warm hands on my shoulder. I could see the bright moon over his head. It was so full that the surrounding stars shrunk away from it respectfully. "No. And yes, I want to kiss you." Yawman paused for s few seconds and then leaned down and lightly touched my lips with his. Delicate and warm. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave the signal to keep going. Flames went up my spine, and I wanted him to consume me. It got hotter as we kissed and tongued each other like two carp. I felt my right hand slip loose and grope the crotch of his jean shorts. It was large, hard and heavy -- like he was stashing an engine part down there. "This is a bad idea, Ben." "Really? I think it's the best idea I've ever had." I knelt at his feet and pulled his shorts down. His inhumanly large dick jutted straight out and hit me in the forehead. I had no idea what I was doing now, but something was guiding my actions. Maybe the sisters were directing me. I put my mouth over the large knob at the end of his penis. He tasted and smelled like the river. The head was hard, but also soft in a way I can't really describe. I knew what to do...I had to take more of it...his gently thrusting hips told me as much.I opened wide and tried to swallow more of him. I thought I was doing pretty well. I loved it. This could all end now and I've have so much to remember and relive. He touched a wide hand to my cheek. The skin was tough, but you could tell there was soft underneath. Like the skin on pineapple leaves. "Oh yeah. Just like that, Baby. Can you go a little deeper?" How? I already was having trouble breathing. But he insisted that meat farther toward the back of my throat. He hit a spot where I thought I'd vomit. I gagged and eased off a little. "Sorry. I got carried away. Want to stop?" I breathed in some fast gulps of air. "I don't ever want to stop." He chuckled. "Good. Let me lie down and stretch out a little." Tall people are impressive when they're standing, but somehow even more impressive when horizontal. I resumed sucking him. "Wait. I'll come pretty soon. Do you want to swallow it?" I made agreeable noises and nodded my head. "Or maybe..." I sat up. "What?" "You're probably not up to it, but I'd really like to fuck your little ass." His voice was quiet and deep...coming deep from within his rib cage. Like fucking? Like butt fucking? Actual? Fuck? I was suddenly in way over my head. But I wanted it anyway. I wanted this man to get what he'd really been wanting for so long. It might destroy me, but I didn't seem to mind that idea. We're all going to die someday, and Yawman was worth the risk. "I want that, but I have no idea how it works." The flame light faintly danced across his bare legs and hard dick. "Just take off your clothes, your pants. And then try to sit down on it." I felt wildly overdressed. Underwear, socks...like I was going to class or church or something. I was standing there naked in the weeds, getting ready to have sex for the first time. My ass felt very small and impossibly tight as I looked at his boner. This was never going to work. I knelt down and and straddled his giant thighs. I needed encouragement or just plain courage as looked at his shadowy face. "Yawman....I've never...I mean...I just..." "You just need to relax is what you just need to do. It won't be easy, but you need to loosen up right now. This is going to happen now. I'm counting on it. No backing out." I discovered you can't force yourself to relax. You either are or you aren't. I decided to just adore his body for a little. He needed spoiling in the worst way. I saw the weird bruises on his legs. They didn't look weird, but they had a texture that made me realize these were symptoms of AIDS. Yawman had it. I guess I knew already. I moved down and felt that lesion on his toe. It was fine. I was asking for this. I gave him a slow foot massage. The skin on his soles was even rougher than his hands.Traveling Man. He had a lot of mileage on these big feet. He needed special treatment from somebody in this world. "That feels soooo nice! But you're just getting my dick harder, Ben. I'm getting close." It was time. I had to go through with this. "Okay. Please go slow." I felt that famous head hit my hole. No way would that thing ever fit inside. I lingered there a little and Yawman got impatient and tried to push me down on his crotch...not harshly, but with some force. DAMN! It felt like I'd been stabbed! The pain was unbearable and there was no way I could do this...as much as I thought I wanted to. "I'm in. It'll feel better before you know it. Just stay still and don't yell too loud. We don't need an audience." No. I needed to stand up. "I can't do this, Yawman. You can come in my mouth if you want." He looked at me with an expression that was unreadable in the moonlight and the dying flames. "Please? I have wanted to do this for so long. Please?" I checked my brain for something to say. I could leave and miss this chance forever. "Well...if you want this that much...you need to take charge here. I need you to do the work." He stood up fast and wrapped me in his arms. We kissed deeply and the river water splashed around in skull. "OK, Ben. I was saving that as a last resort, but we'll do it now." He forced me down on my back. I felt some of the weeds on my spine. I can't believe I was requesting to be raped by a man with AIDS. This is just how life works... If I'd ever been drowned in the Potomac, I'd be dead by now anyway. "Ow. There's a rock under my tailbone." He just dropped on top of me, and his weight took the wind out of me. "Keep your mind on that rock. When we're done, you can get rid of it." He pushed down and spread my legs apart with his heft. It wasn't long before he was prodding me again with that giant dick. It went through easier this time, but he wanted to go in further, go deeper inside. I yelled. He put that big rough hand over my mouth. "Hush, baby. You wanted this, remember? I'm so close now." He kept going in and I couldn't help but scream in pain. I remember being a little kid and having vaccinations. I cried my eyes out then, and this pain was worse. I'm sure I was bleeding. I looked up into his dark bearded face and saw those eyes. I did indeed ask for this. I did want to spoil him. I stopped whimpering as he started moaning and got into the fucking pace he'd wanted. My ass was ruined, but I didn't care at this point. I was having sex! A big man was having sex with me! He removed his hand from my mouth. "Thank you for doing it this way, Yawman. I love it." "Yeah. I...I'm ...going to come inside you now.....ughhhh....FUCK!... Yeah!!!!" Maybe it was just my imagination, but I swear I could feel that sperm gush into my being. I was officially infected now. I was happily doomed. He rolled off of me and gasped the night air. "Was that good?" "Fuck yeah it was. Thank you, Ben. I need you to be with me every night." "I love you." That was probably not even correct, but it's what came out of my mouth. He chuckled lightly. "I love you too, kid. But I'm moving out in a few hours. This will always be special to me, though." "But you could stay. I could help you get housing, help you get a job. If that doesn't work, you can come live in my house. I can't lose you." "Nah. I need to move..." He was getting drowsy. "Or I can quit school and get a job. We could get our own place. An apartment or something." "Shhh. We'll talk about it later. I need to sleep now. Shhh. Come snuggle with me." I put my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat and his breathing. He was out. I was wildly awake. I stayed there until the sky started to barely brighten. I planned on staying until he woke up, but I was restless and needed to walk or something. I stood and felt a hard ache in my stomach...and below. It took me a few seconds to walk steadily. I left my clothes because I'd be back for them. I liked the idea of being nude on the bank of the river. I should have at least put my shoes on...this was no place to be barefoot. Oh well -- I'd stay close to the soft, muddy shore. I kept my eyes down and watched where I stepped. The sun woke up and helped me see better. While glancing down, I saw there was a ton of dried blood on my legs and ankles. It was like a horror movie. I needed to clean this off before Yawman saw me again. I could rinse it off in the river. I wouldn't go far....just far enough to get clean. The water was warmer than I would have guessed. The surface was calm, but the currents were strong down there. I was involuntarily dragged out farther. No big deal. I never learned to swim, but I could dog-paddle. One quick under-current spun me around. That was bad....I should go back to the shore. But I could no longer tell what direction I was looking out. Now I was scared. I remember the panic, and then I was sucked below the surface. The quickness of it caught me unprepared, and I had no air in my lungs. Another flow pushed me down to the bottom. You can't cough underwater...if you try, the water goes into your mouth and nose. Shit. I was weak against the water and tried to fight for my life. I vomited up river water and that only made me open for more. And then...and then there was no fight left. I was just looking around at the murky gray-green water. It was interesting. I no longer needed air. I could just go explore and find The Three Sisters. Nobody knew what they looked like under the water. The sun was fully up. It reached me below the water...and got very bright. White light with every color of the spectrum within. I could tell Yawman about this sight. I loved him and wanted to make him stay. Then there no more thoughts...just light.

If the undetectable guy is telling you the truth about being undetectable then you can take his load without worry. His wanting other guys to fuck you at a poz party is more worrisome. There is almost no way that can not get out of hand.

I live in a small (~20,000 people not counting students) college town down in the deep south. I have two perspectives - what they are like at home and what they are like traveling. Also there has been a change over time. My husband and I opened up our relationship in the summer of 2011. In the last 6 years, I have found my ability to hook-up online has drastically decreased. I do acknowledge that I am older (50s), heavier (definitely a bear/chub), and a bottom; I do know those things work against me to some degree. I have used Grindr, Growlr, Scruff, Adam4Adam, Bear411, and BBRT. Bear411 was never that productive for me. A year or so ago they revamped their site making a free membership worthless. I get a notification that someone has viewed my profile, but if I want to view their profile, I have to search for it. I still check my profile now and again, but they never sold me on the value their site. I think it would be much more useful if I lived in a larger city. BBRT is useless in my hometown. When I do a geographic search the nearest guy online is usually about 100 miles away. When I am travelling to a gay event, I get the reverse problem. There are so many guys on it, you can hardly sort through them. BBRT is great when I am traveling for work and want to set up an hook up in reasonable sized city. A4A used to be great for me, but it seems to have gone into a decline. Most of the guys on there both in my area and when I travel just seem to want to chat. It is nice that they changed the euphemism "Anything Goes" to "Bareback" in profiles. I still have a moderate amount of success on here, but nothing like it was a few years back. Scruff and Growlr are being lumped together. At home, there are not enough people on at any one time to get much action. When traveling they are better. It is nice that being an older bear counts less against me on these two although Scruff seems to be turning into "Grindr for twinks with chest hair." Grindr is the only usable hook up app/site in my hometown. On a normal night, there will be less than 5 people on Scruff, Growlr, and A4A and 30 people on Grindr. Consequently, it is the one everyone uses at home. I get a fair amount of interest and hook ups from Grindr. When travelling, I find that I am too old and fat for the Grindr crowd. As a funny aside, I love being on Grindr at Texas Bear Round Up; nothing but bears for miles and the occasional confused twink or muscle boy. So I wrote all of that and then I remembered to talk about Craigslist. As other hook-up sites soured for me, I found CL was a great alternative. Lots of cheating married guys and "curious" young men looking for DL sex. 3 years ago, I would get 30 - 40 responses to an ad; now I get 5-10. The last time I tried to use in while traveling for work, every single response I got was from young guys hoping I was "generous." Oddly one of the reasons cruising online in my home town has gone downhill is the repeal of DADT. I live about 75 miles from Ft. Polk which is a fairly large Army base. Lots of personnel is stationed there for brief periods for some special training. Now that soldiers can be openly gay, all the cruising sites are full of soldier boys looking to get laid and lots of them are fresh meat who will only be around a couple of weeks, and almost all of the bottoms advertise willingness to take it bare. There is city of about 50,000 45 miles south toward the army base. All those hot soldiers are only about 25 miles away from there. I used to get a lot of tops willing to drive an hour to unload in a bare ass, but I suspect they are mostly breeding army boys now. The larger problem unfortunately is online cruising becoming mainstream. It used to be only horny whores who were ready to fuck cruised apps and sites. That meant you got a lot fewer picture collectors and time wasters. Now, it is socially acceptable to have online profiles, and a lot of people online are tourists.

Once you are actually inside me, I am good for however you want to fuck me. I have impressed more than a few horse-hung tops with my ability to take their massive tool. I seem to have some little quirk in my anatomy that most tops haven't dealt with. There is a spot close to my hole where the head of a cock will catch, but it is not close enough that pushing there will allow it to easily slip inside. What it does is tear the skin right next to my hole on the way in. I have had this happen a few times including one time where I got ripped open enough to make a huge bloody mess on the sheets although in retrospect I realize that guy was probably tweaked out on something. Tops seem to be really offended when I tell them, "No, that's not it. A little lower" as if they know more about my body than I do. Now, that I am "of a certain age" I don't have that problem as much. Tops seem to be more willing to take a middle-aged bottom's word for it.

Here is my best tip. Don't try to go from 0 to 100% (or whatever percent you are at now) in one step. Next time you play try something just a little bit sluttier than what you have done before. Then keep doing that. Most of us (not all - I know you are out there) were pretty vanilla at first and worked up to being pigs.

Gabriel D'allesandro is the first one I thought of. Apparently, he is married, but he is bottoms and tops in gay porn and fucks girls in straight porn. He went on Dr Phil and claimed to be a sex addict. You can read about it here. If you do search on his name you will find lots of porn with him bottoming. From way back in the 80s when everything was bareback, there is Jeff Quinn. He was a hugely popular bottom for 2-3 years in the late 1980s. He bottomed for all the stars of that era. He was rumored to have been married to a woman who asked him to quit porn. Here is an artilce about him.

I hope I get a chance to take your cock and cum someday; you are such a sexy man.

Whthole4u included an extensive section of K9 in one of his stories. Bestiality is a forbidden topic on this forum since credit card companies began banning adult websites with "extreme" content. (This is also why we have been enforcing the rules about keeping Backroom topics in the Backroom more stringently). That particular offense is fairly minor (3 points). Because your warning points never go away and whthole4u had previous infractions, his total points gave him a fairly long suspension. The point is that it was whthole4u ignoring the rules of the forum that earned him a suspension. His deciding that this was the last straw for him is also all on him. It is pretty easy not to get infractions on this forum. You just have to follow the rules. I totally agree that whthole4u was/is a valuable contributor to the forum who will be missed if he stops posting, but that does not mean the rules do not apply to him. I am leaving this thread open for discussion about the story. If it turns into a discussion of how moderation is done, I will lock it.

Send me a better translation in a private message, and I will add it to your post.

That's not just good manners. It is a rule of the forum. All posts in English. This is what Google Translate gives: And become my rich males to fuck me rich As this single returned to visit me, my rich and handsome male he sucks his delicious cock and as I love cabalgarlas felt very rich inside me and I was so hot and so loaded that it came out in spurts your milk and then I went out to test it ....I hope you like it, as always, a kiss and a big hug to all my cute aliriolovres

Straight guy probably does not care about those few pounds. Straight boys tend to only be responsive when their dick is hard. Don't read a lot into it.

I am 90% sure that is from Antonio Biaggi's porn site. It's hard to be sure with such a short clip, but those look like his huge pole and low hangers. Also, it sounds like his standard Spanish fuck talk. He did a whole series in and around a church. http://www.biaggivideos.com/

I was taking raw cocks without asking about status before PrEP. I imagine nothing would change.

In the menu bar at the upper left next to your username is a drop down arrow. Click on that and go to "Ignored Users." You can add a username name to your list, so that person cannot bug you anymore.

K9 is no longer an acceptable topic on the forum. It's the kind of topic that will get us blacklisted by credit card companies. Do no post about it again.

Looks like we cannot make it this year. Y'all have fun!

Several of you have reported getting spam messages from this user with that subject line. This person has been banned.

I am not sure why I had not watched this until this week. This is super hot. It really turns me on to watch a guy taking a big cock for the money and struggling to do it. A lot of times you can tell that a "straight guy" in a porno is really totally into it. Everything about this first timer suggests he is only there for the money. I have seen a couple of other videos from this guy. I find them super hot. Nothing quite a sexy as a man who has nothing left to sell but his bare ass.

I have had the same experience with 4solvents and no problems with the e-check method.

If the top with the BBC is on meds and undetectable, you have nothing to worry about as far as HIV goes. Being on PrEP puts you in control and not at the mercy of a lying or mistaken top. If you have had PrEP (Truvada) in your system for several days, the extra pill won't make it noticeably more effective, but it is not likely to cause a big problem. If you are barebacking, it is good to get vaccinated for Hep A and B. You seem to be young enough that the vaccine against the virus that causes genital warts would be a good idea, too. Other than that, you have to treat them after you catch them if you actually do.

Unless his virus is resistant to one of the two drugs in Truvada, PrEP should work fine.

About AIDS in Africa, topping a female in her pussy is much riskier than ass fucking. I assume it is because vaginas have so much more fluids to carry the virus. That's why straight men get HIV so easily there.

You can only edit a post for about 10 minutes after you post it. If you want to make changes after that, use the "Report Post" link to request the change from a moderator. Generally speaking, we do not delete posts.

I bought a L'arque Prostate Massager last week. I am very pleased with it. It has several intensity/mode settings. I had one of the most intense j/o sessions in years a couple of nights ago. It is pricey. I learned about it from this video which also gives a 50% off code that I did use. I know DaveyWavey rubs some people the wrong way, but this video with Brent Everett is pretty sexy.

Guys who are not into open relationships should try to date other guys who feel that way, too. I don't think it is a right-wrong thing; it's a right-for-you/wrong-for-you thing.