Racism and gay community

[analluv27]

9 hours ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

Are we moving to a place where we no longer have the right to reject?  A place where if someone demands sex, we are morally obliged to give it, or else be accused of some kind of -ism?  A place where personal preferences are seen as a smoke screen for bigotry?

I dislike profiles which state “No X, no Y”, just as much as I dislike profiles which state “X and Y to the front of the queue!”. They’re tasteless, lazy and just plain rude. But don’t tell me I’m not allowed to make a qualified rejection based on my own sexual preferences, and don’t make the mistake of thinking you know what kind of a person I am, just from the sexual preferences you think I might have.

I don’t want I live in a place where I get accused of commiting a thought crime, just because I won’t have sex with you.

One has a right to say no I'm not interested, is when one goes "no... I don't like (insert ethnicity, body shape, etc) you're not attractive" is what crosses the line at least in my book. A simply "no thanks" or a holding up your hand as in stop generally will suffice. Now if guy doesn't get the hint, then one may have to be more blunt. 

We all have preferences as do I (stocky and chunky guys are like catnip for me) but I have had awesome sex with guys I normally wouldn't go for and vice versa. To often I seen at  the bathhouse or adult theater guys waiting for their "preference" to show and then complain that said place is whack or boring. 

We're  there to have sex and at times socialize. But so many seem to do little or none which is a shame, because they miss or not only in potentially awesome sex but some really cool people

[cumslutfuckpig]

6 hours ago, find91 said:

I think why so many white gay men are time deaf to racism in the LGBTQX community is that gay culture has come to use to commodifying their members, but when the two people are of the same race it is passed off as preferrence. It's still wrong. Add race and gender and their is an added power dynamic that exasterbates the problem.

I cringe every time I see thug used as synonymous with large muscular hung black male.  Do I find that dynamics around race - both aesthetic and political - find their way into sexual attraction or turnons?  Sure, lots of things do.  But Id like to think I have the involvement of my frontal cortex to edit whatever the horny little monkey at the base of my skull is saying.  Listen to yourself, edit as needed.  Ask a friend if you must. 

[blondy]

I'm a blond, blue eyed, fair skinned Caucasian with a moderately hairy body (although blond hair against fair skin tends to disappear). I have a fairly muscular build, which I did nothing to deserve and put most simply, I prefer guys who are not made in my image/likeness: I am not at all sexually attracted to Caucasian and/or hairy guys, but find slim guys with smooth dark skin to be irresistible!

 

I have tried to put this preference as positively as possible on my BBRT profile (feel free to check it out), but I still get a lot of interest from Caucasian/hairy men who will repeatedly message me.  Unfortunately, some of them become aggressive when I refuse their offer (I believe in always answering every message - it is just good manners).  In one case, I got the whole "you are a racist" tirade when I explained that I am not sexually attracted to Caucasian men. I've got a stock response that is polite and respectful that I send to  guys whom are not my type ... and for the most part, they just ignore me an move on although  one guy responded "I just want to marry you based on your email" ... said in jest of course, but the point being that respect goes a long way.

 

I don't mind who someone is: manners and respect are sexy, and being able to explain to people what your sexual preference is without having to resort to insults appears not to be a common skill. I think the age of entitlement means that for some, race brings a right to behave as you please ... its an ugly trait in the gay community and I believe that we are (all) better when we can leave that in the past.

Edited August 6, 2020 by blondy
Typo

[Ranger Rick]

1 hour ago, neg4charged said:

I cringe every time I see thug used as synonymous with large muscular hung black male.  

Curious if you cringe when a white guy from a rural area is described as a redneck. 

[Guest CuriousDallas]

It's complicated as you're mixing sexual desires against racism, ageism, sizeism, fem/butch, and so on. If you can't get hard for a guy on account of one of those factors there's not a lot you can do...you can't "fake it til you make" sexually. You also get into issues of fetishizing and objectifying which is just as bad. I'm aware of my own biases and preferences and realize that as a result I can come across as a dick or an asshole because of that. But I try not to judge others for their kinks, biases, and preferences. One of the guys I regularly hooked up with in Dallas is a big guy size-wise and he struggled with his weight until he realized that there were guys who loved and desired big guys like him. It was a revelation for him as well as a moment of self-actualization as he realized he was fine as he was and more importantly guys wanted him as he is. We should all be more like that...realize there's someone for everyone and not judging people for who they are.

[drscorpio]

A lot of it comes down to not being an asshole. You don't have to be rude about your preferences, but you also don't owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't into them. 

Putting "no blacks, no asians" in your profile because you can't be bothered to say "no, thank you" to people who don't do it for you seems like being an asshole to me. Repeatedly asking "but why won't you give me a shot?" is definitely being an asshole. 

[Guest takingdeepanal]

5 hours ago, analluv27 said:

Ok for me being a portly middle aged Black man that's HIV positive . I've been turned down at the bathhouse and theatre. And that's ok as long as your respectful. Personally I'm not pushy you express you're not interested I back down and move along but they one's with the attitude, eye rolling I don't figure.

The funny thing is sometimes if you're there long enough I've found the same guys that turned me down suddenly get interested. The polite one's I'm down but the others I've politely declined.

It's called decorum, sadly a lot of people lack it

I wouldn't turn you down 🙂

[Guest takingdeepanal]

7 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I think I might make some enemies for this reply but it is what it is. First as a black person, I have seen more racism from Asians and Latinos in the gay community then from white guys. (I e posted about this before). Also,  I think it is funny how when we talk about racism in the gay community it always boils down to sex and preference. No one ever mentions the other aspects of gay life that are affected by racism. I.e. how you are treated at bars, by other gay people on the job, or even in a group setting. Also, as a black person, I find most of the “preference” people are really insecure and mediocre and have nothing going for them but their whiteness. Most of them. They talk about preference, but it even bothers them when one of their friends date  a black person. They won’t talk  the other areas because in truth it is not a preference at all it is just racism. They just boil it down to sex  so they can hide behind preference. Which is fine by me. Rarely do I see a hot white guy who is racist . But I can’t blame them white guys. We as Black people, and I also say Latins and Asians (Who don’t classify themselves as white), need to stop literally begging for every white man who is out there even when they do not want us. That’s why the ego of some of these dudes is so inflated. If you want a white guy, there are plenty out there who are hot and got it together that won’t require you making a fool out of themselves. 

You're correct. There is a LOT of racism directed by Asians at non-Asians. I used to remotely run an Accounts department that was based in Asia - and found that they were non-cooperative because I was white.

[bbpoznow]

Not sure why there has to be  any thing to do with race. We are all created  equal. And it has nothing to do with  race, color , size  or anything else . If people start to accept people  with out  categorizing  them we would all be  better off.

You will find a ass hole in  all people , I find them every were. 

There I have done my rant  now lets fuck 

[Guest Phillyphucker25]

7 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I think I might make some enemies for this reply but it is what it is. First as a black person, I have seen more racism from Asians and Latinos in the gay community then from white guys. (I e posted about this before). Also,  I think it is funny how when we talk about racism in the gay community it always boils down to sex and preference. No one ever mentions the other aspects of gay life that are affected by racism. I.e. how you are treated at bars, by other gay people on the job, or even in a group setting. Also, as a black person, I find most of the “preference” people are really insecure and mediocre and have nothing going for them but their whiteness. Most of them. They talk about preference, but it even bothers them when one of their friends date  a black person. They won’t talk  the other areas because in truth it is not a preference at all it is just racism. They just boil it down to sex  so they can hide behind preference. Which is fine by me. Rarely do I see a hot white guy who is racist . But I can’t blame them white guys. We as Black people, and I also say Latins and Asians (Who don’t classify themselves as white), need to stop literally begging for every white man who is out there even when they do not want us. That’s why the ego of some of these dudes is so inflated. If you want a white guy, there are plenty out there who are hot and got it together that won’t require you making a fool out of themselves. 

You have a friend in me

[BlackDude]

I would like to thank everyone who messaged me for their support. And it is quite surprising. Also, with all this talk about right to “preference,” we really should not be hearing any more about the homophobia in the black community And how they don’t support gay issues. I mean, if you can reject people based on your sexual preference, can’t Black people reject your sexual preference as well? By the way, with more Black people coming out this is going to be a bigger issue. The black community is on to the gay community’s dirty little secret. And don’t be surprised if we are no longer going to let you piggyback off of the current civil rights movements just so you can get the benefits, then go to the bar or work and talk about how much you hate Black people.  

[jeff238]

Jezus. Maybe we should just shut the fuck up. Not talk at all. If the cock is hard, or you get a smile, just fuck already.

All the political correctness, or not, doesnt decide if my dick gets hard. That is completely involuntary, just like if you like carrots or not. You cant make yourself like something you dont.

[cumslutfuckpig]

10 hours ago, find91 said:

That stuff happens online Bbrt especially if you wait long enough. Also I have seen that behavior with some guys as they age. They all of a sudden become open to black and or Latin. Some down right turn into hunter seeker mode. While in their 20 and 30 they only had preference for white.

I resemble that remark!  So, I can share my experience and let you judge.  
 

I started late - late 20s - and had a very narrow range of what i thought I wanted, and I didn’t have sex that often.  Definitely insecure in my looks and sexual skills.  I was also pretty rigid in my sexual practices and always played safe and never used substances - even poppers... terrified and disgusted by STDs and irrationally panicked over HIV - judgmental and looking back, cruel.   I would say I was probably not fun.  

As I’ve aged - and moved to a much more racially diverse area - I’ve grown.  I was shown my kinks about 15 years ago, which radically changed my sex practices.   I recall originally ruling out anyone over 30 - until I met a fire crotch muscle daddy who rocked my world and showed me that age is just a number and each decade in a man has its own “sexy”.   I once shied away from beige/brown/black - until I met guys of color that made my cock twitch (and then made my hole sing).  I discovered sex is the great denominator - even if you don’t think you have anything in common with someone, you realize, with his cock in your mouth and his buddies dick In your ass, that cum is a universal solvent.  

And then I came very late (40) to chemplay - the social aspect of pnp is amazing, and my long list of requirements for a successful hookup have become “shut the fuck up and enjoy” - I tend to roll with it - push it as far as it will go, but be satisfied with what i find. I’m a kinder, more accepting person, a lot more fun, and much better at meeting fun fucks where they are and making the most out of what works.  Sometimes it’s intense b&d oral servicing by a horny septuagenarian, or a hard beat down on my fuckhole by a 25 year old Nigerian grad student.  And I still dip into my original narrow “type”  to enjoy the furry blond Viking fuck gods and tell my fav fuckbud, a handsome poz latino all about it.   

What I want to convey is that it’s not a question of narrowing options with age forcing a change in taste - I have more options now than I did in my 20s and 30s. It’s been growing up and moving past whatever nonsensical limitations I imposed on myself out of ignorance and fear, and discovering that what I find attractive doesn’t fit neatly into dropdown boxes and radio buttons.  And having to work at that, for me, has made the joy of discovery more profound than it would have been if I had just sprung into the world open-minded, slutty, and kinky. 

[cumslutfuckpig]

9 hours ago, Ranger Rick said:

Curious if you cringe when a white guy from a rural area is described as a redneck. 

Rick, my bigotry there is a little different.  As a northerner I hear “redneck” and I think Confederacy, at which point a different bunch of associations spring to mind, fair or not.  Having a conversation that sounds like it’s edging towards “redneck lives matter” is not one I’m interested in entertaining. If you don’t understand the lack of equivalence between “thugs” and “rednecks”, including how those terms are wielded (or not wielded) for political dominance, I lack the energy or interest to delve into it with you.  

[GermanFucker]

9 hours ago, drscorpio said:

A lot of it comes down to not being an asshole. You don't have to be rude about your preferences, but you also don't owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't into them. 

Putting "no blacks, no asians" in your profile because you can't be bothered to say "no, thank you" to people who don't do it for you seems like being an asshole to me. Repeatedly asking "but why won't you give me a shot?" is definitely being an asshole. 

That brings us to the question of entitlement: Like you, I believe that sexual attraction is arbitrary. One is not entitled to have sex with another person just because one fancies that person. Neither is one entitled to a explanation of the specific reasons. Much in the same vein noone has the right to behave as an asshole towards others.

However, thats sex... and sex is not real life. There are guys who are looking for "BBC" all the time, but will only socialize with white colleagues after work. Or when you get to the point that you begin to like a fuckbuddy, will only go the next step with his own ethnic background, but not consider dating other ethnicities. Which goes to prove that you can fuck outside your own ethnic group as much as you like, it doesn't automatically make you not racist.