tallslenderguy

He said "take me with u." Did he mention he wants you to take his girlfriend with you too, or just him? Of course, we are all just speculating here, none of us can tell you what to do or not do, this is solely your decision how to play this. These are all just speculative thoughts and ideas. That said, i'll offer a different point of view. Would a real friend reject you because of your sexuality? And, how good a friend is someone you feel the need to hide from? One thing that does make sense to me is, if you do decide to come out to him, that i would not combine that with telling him you are falling or have fallen for him. See how he responds to you being gay and if he is cool with that, in time, you will know whether or not you should tell him how you feel about him? in a heteronormative culture, it is assumed without ever having to say that if there is a male and female it can turn romantic. It doesn't have to be spoken, that tension is unconsciously assumed. It's different for gays because, unless you are open or have a rainbow t shirt or some other identifier, you are not really known until you come out. Like you i get women hitting on me at the hospital where i work, and that's usually the time i come out... yet again. Seems like i am forever "coming out," because i am not what most seem to deem stereotypically gay. You'd think these women would talk among themselves and word would get around, but no... doesn't seem to have happened.

i've had similar exxperiences. After lots of thought and introspection i've come to understand where some of my ambivalent feelings come from: cultural conditioning against our nature/need/desire/reality. This first time a Top pissed inside of me was a "surprise." It happened with a regular Top FB who knew me pretty well and He risked crossing that blurred line of advise and consent with me. i was used to Him contacting me when He wanted to breed and i would always be waiting for Him naked and prone on my bed, door open for Him. Sometimes blindfolded, but really didn't see Him either way since i was prone, so it was a visually anonymous dynamic. He'd typically come in, undress, mount me and breed, then leave. Sometimes He 'talked dirty' to me, others He was silent. But it wasn't a completely anonymous relationship because we got to know each other pretty well through communicating by email where we exchanged information on who and how we were sexually. i knew He was a Top with some Dom, and He knew i was a bottom with some sub, so even though He had not outright asked if He could piss in my ass, He knew me well enough to realize it would probably be not only okay, but a real connecting place. He was right. The first time when He started pissing in me after breeding me, i was startled and He immediately started whispering in my ear asking me to take it, telling me how good it felt to Him. That was all it took to connect to the bottom and sub in me, and i suspect He was pretty confident i would respond that way. my startled response turned to being really turned on, and He could discern that and affirmed it, saying: "that's right, you like it don't you? you like that i am making you My piss slut?" And i heartily agreed, it was true. i see a Tops piss as another form of seed, especially when He connects to it that way, so for me this was a 'surprise breeding.' He tapped into a natural desire in me and overcame my conditioning against piss and being pissed in. He did take a calculated risk, but it paid off for both of us. i have found lots of things like this in my journey. For me, it's the same with soft domination where a Dom uses 'soft' humiliation/degradation. What i have come to realize is the feelings of humiliation/degradation/embarrassment i experience are responses that have been conditioned into me, the reason they are so arousing for me is because the acts that evoke them are also deeply affirming. Using my above example: the Top who pissed in me progressed that to a place where He called me His toilet and He got pleasure in having me acknowledge that i was and that i liked being that. It was/is embarrassing, even writing this, to admit that. And in general culture, i'd get plenty of disdain and shock from people if they knew or overheard that, and would probably turn beat red with humiliation and embarrassment at the degradation if it happened, but at the same time, i'd be deeply aroused because i'm a bottom with sub and love when a Top gets pleasure with me and puts His pleasure in me.

Hey parvenu, Sorry for such a late response to this, but just now reading your post. i've received thousands of loads from men. About 5 or 6 years ago, i decided to get on PreP and as part of the process of getting tested, i found out i was poz. Being poz didn't devastate me, nor was it a desire or goal. i am pretty sure i know who pozzed me and am pretty sure he lied about his status. Doen't matter to me, truly, i take full responsibility for my sex life, it's always been consensual, and the guy who pozzed me was an awesome fuck and i miss him (moved to another state). i'm a critical care nurse and am pretty up on risk vs benefit. To me, if you are taking anonymous loads on a regular basis, the risks of PreP are fewer and less severe than HIV. If you get HIV, you will have no choice but to be on the meds anyway, if you do not want to eventually progress to AID's. With PreP, you can always stop taking it if you are one of the people who's kidneys are effected by it. You can get regular and easy test for creatinine clearance and glomeular filtration rate that will look for ill effects on your kidneys. If PreP is affecting your kidneys, it will likely take long enough that you can stop taking it if needed and your kidneys will likely recover once the drug is stopped. i've been on HIV meds for 5-6 years now, i get my kidneys checked regularly and, so far, my kidneys are fine. IOW, the risk is low, and not blind faith, you can routinely check on how your kidneys are responding to the med.

Oh yeah. i've had several cocks with PA's inside of me and have never experienced any damage i am aware of, no bleeding. i'm not into having my hole damaged... though i confess my idea of "damage" is prolly more liberal than most. For instance, i love when part of a Top's desire and goal is to permanently open and mold my hole. To me, that is not "damage," it's my Top's signature or mark, and that collars something deep inside of me. Beyond the actual physical feel of having a Cock with an accessory like a PA attached or inserted into His pierced Cock, is the mind fuck element. To me, a pierced Cock with something like a PA is a statement of Topness, power that can bring out the sub in me. For me it is one of a more subtle Dom expressions that is like a magnet for surfacing and evoking the sub in me. i do not open to force or bullying, overt expressions of dominance shut me down and leave me cold. To me, force/bullying are the opposite of power (not making a universal judgement, i know some are wired differently than me). To me, pierced cocks with something like a PA makes a statement to me without uttering a word, it's like a Man who presents with a sort of collar and leash in His hand, For me, the message is clear, , the sub in me surfaces and i 'heel.'

This. As you note: "...firm age markers are not always helpful." But a society built on written laws has to do this none the less, and it makes sense to me that laws that protect children should "...err on the side of zero tolerance for adult advances toward young people." When i consider which would be more harmful, a kid who didn't have sex with and adult and may have liked or wanted it, or a kid who did have sex with an adult and it traumatized him/her, it's clear to me that the latter group is who the laws should be written for. i'm very grateful for this community. As in any community, there are going to be those who don't promote the general welfare, but reading some of responses here makes me proud to be a member here. There are some beautifully thoughtful, vulnerable, real contributions on this site, and to me they are gold. There may be dross mixed in, but that doesn't make the gold only less gold. Hopefully discussions like this can help burn out some of that dross.

i think BareLover666 makes some great points. Being in a country and/or professional environment where being gay is not accepted, or worse, is important to consider. It occurs to me that if you are in a culture where being gay is still a closet culture, or worse, unsafe, that your friend may be Bi or gay. In unfriendly or unsafe environments/cutures, it's not unusual for a gay or bi guy to have a girlfriend, or even a female wife. Look at all the guys in more gay friendly environments who struggle with accepting their sexuality? i think the guy is cleary interested in you, as to what he is interested in remains to be seen. i was raised in a conservative religious culture and was conditioned to believe i was sick and broken because i am gay. i got married to a woman at a very early age. Late into the marriage, while i was still trying to de-gay myself, i opened up to my brother in law (my wife's sisters husband), actually looking for support in fighting my gayness... we were both of the same religious background. Instead, he admitted to me that he 'struggled' with similar feelings. One weekend, we were helping a mutual friend with a house project and we ended up spending the night in a room together. The sexual tension was so thick, it was palpable. At one point, he got up and came over to me and asked if he could kiss me. For us, a kiss was a big deal, coming from where we were, so i get how meaningful just falling asleep together can be.

To me, a Tops piss is another form of semen. Obviously, that's a personal point of view, not universal. i have found if a guy is Top and/or Dom in His nature, He is often also into or open to WS. You may have to approach it subtly at first because, even in the gay community, puritanical notions can be part of ones make up. i've always thought it's pretty interesting how every human sex organ is also used for 'waste' disposal. Even a woman has a period through her vagina every 21 days or so, and that is removing waste. To me, a womans period is sort of like a 7 day bowel movement lol (i'm a nurse, i am not delicate). Point is, the sensibilities some have about piss are generally culturally conditioned and can be undone. To me, it's not unlike being gay and having to get past the cultural conditioning that assumes everyone is straight. Some believe our urine has pheromones in it, sexual attractants and markers, like other mammals have. To me, if it comes from a guy with a Top or Dom nature, it's 'seed,' if it comes from a bottom or sub, it's 'waste.' Again, not making a universal declaration, it's how i am wired. i love the symbiosis of a Total Top/total bottom dynamic. And i have met plenty of Tops and/or Doms who see it the same way. in my experience, if one is a Total Top or Dom, they can have the kind of energy in them that will attach to using Their piss with a bottom or sub. It's not just the bottom or sub who has negative conditioning to get past. i took to getting piss up my ass immediately. The first time, i held it in all night, fell asleep with my Tops piss in my gut. The next day when i peed, i could smell His piss impregnating my pee. That is fucking awesome, it's a true form of impregnation. Drinking is different, and others have given info that i'd only be repeating on what to drink, getting used to, etc.. For me? Getting over the quantity and taste is a matter of practice, developing a skill. The driving force for me is the natural need/desire in me to receive my Tops cock and what comes out of it, to give and receive His pleasure into me. To me, that is the connection and bond between Top/bottom, where each of our need/desire feeds the others. That's what i tap into to overcome any fear i may have about taste or quantity. i'm still in the learning process when it comes to drinking piss from my Tops cock, but again, that is just learning skill and technique, the desire of me and my Top is what fuels the learning effort... and that is very strong indeed.

i'm more into the energy than the age. Young twinks can be sweet to look at, but honestly, beauty can intimidate me. i want to be wanted as much as i want the person fucking me. For me, it really isn't just about the sex, but the symbiotic connectection where each of us is feeding the others need/desire. i've had some profound connections with anonymous fucks, pretty amazing to me how that can happen. Having said that, i am deeply into mind fuck and for me there can be some very hot mind fuck when a young twink Tops and seeds an older bottom. i love stuff that goes against the norm or stereotype. i'm pretty kinky. i've had a few twink fuck buddies who i grew to adore, and they obviously got off on what we had too. i currently have a young, 23? year old muscle Top, sort of a shy Latino Guy. He is really hot and He keeps contacting me wanting more. He could have whoever He wants, so i am mystified that He chooses me, but love the fuck out of Him. He's a quiet cummer, so i often do not know He has cum until He pulls out and leaves. Sometimes i think: "okay, i guess He didn't get off." Then i find a big load in me. Last time he told me He "only came once this time." So i guess He usually cums multiple times. But age really doesn't matter, though i acknowledge there can be differences. What matters to me is the energy and connection.

i guess i am lucky, i can be either. i'm not a gorilla, but left to its own devices, my body gets hairy. Not overly, but not slight either. Personally? i like being smooth... or i should say, i like when my Top likes me smooth. But for me, it's about the energy connection. If my Top is turned on by hairy, i'm gonna let it grow, if He likes it smooth, out comes the razor. Wanna collar a bit more sub in me? Then you do or arrange the shaving. Had a D/s relationship with a Man once who sent me to another sub to be waxed and prepped for Him. That was like putting a collar on my hole. But either is really connected to my Tops desires and energy, whatever cranks His lust up and fulfills His personal need in that area. As to what i like? Either is okay, but i love a smooth Top. For me there is a mind fuck to it because the association is "hairy is masculine, Male, Dom, Top, etc.," while smooth is associated with the opposite. One of my bigger mind fuck fantasies is a smooth shemale with a smooth body and cock who is Total Top. It's a mysterious one for me because i am not attracted to women at all, and not really talking a trans person here who identifies as a woman, it's more the mind fuck of it, that things are not what they seem. Having said that, i have seen some furry guys who just would not look right smooth. i did yoga with a guy who was covered in black fur and He was hot as hell, i wanted Him every time i say Him. So, i guess it's not so much a matter of hair or no hair for me, but who is wearing it and how it's worn, the energy behind it.

i get it, i got it as soon as i read your post, and you confirm it. i too work at a hospital, as a critical care nurse. There are often times when it seems like doctor or other provider is being flirty and i flirt right back. i have no idea if they are actually flirting or not, but i don't care anymore. If straights can do it, why can't we? Funny story. A couple of years ago there was this really cute doctor i was crushing on and who seemed to be flirty with me. i had not seen him for awhile and came back on rotation and he had transitioned into she. It was a funny/confusing moment for me because i was crushing on a person who identifies as a woman... and i'm a total bottom with no attraction to women. i told her and we had a pretty good laugh about it. i don't feel the 'falling for' feelings very often, but i am grateful for each time... and hope one day it will be mutual. i'd really like to be 'in love.'

Wow, 11 times? i'd need to get over it and rim you lol. But seriously, i know it doesn't disqualify a Top from being a Top, it's just a sort of extreme way i feel. i have a hard time even being with a Top who wants to suck me... there are work arounds, like when a Top sees and treats what i have as decidedly different from a cock. It's not particularly a reasonable thing on my part, just an emotional/psychological disposition. And i know Tops who feel the same way, almost have an aversion to a bottoms penis or being penetrated in any way. It brings out an almost visceral attraction to Him from me.

If the Top is quiet, i always wonder and have a little anxiety over whether or not He is enjoying Himself. If He is obviously enjoying Himself and vocal, i get totally pulled into His mood. If He is making love to me, i have to bite my mattress to keep from saying "i love you" (to a complete stranger? lol).

I appreciate the question and am following. i'm interested to see what Tops have to say in response. To me, Total Top means no penetration as all, doesn't receive cock orally or anally. And yeah, i know, a tongue is not a cock... but to me, psychologically, anything a Top wants to penetrate me with becomes His Cock. i know, weird, but it's how i feel. So i do not rim, to me that's penetration and a form of Topping. Just me, i don't think this is some sort of universal truth lol, but i am curious to see what other's have to say.

The poster also made a point of saying he is Asian... so (apparently) the "magic" was double. 😉

Personally, i like to have sex where both parties are considered, Top and bottom. Not everyone feels this way, so the first thing to determine is how you feel about this? i'm total bottom with some sub thrown in, so if a Man wants to fuck and breed me, i want to be fucked and bred by him. my ideal Top is a Man who gets into opening me and molding me to His cock as much as He gets into fucking and breeding me. i.e., it's not a one sided proposition for Him, not all about Him, but about us. Being in control can be self centered or considerate. Personally? a Top is going to penetrate and seed a whole lot more of me if He is the type who likes to open His bottom. i connect physical and psychological 'opening." But again, that's me (and apparently more than a few Tops), Having said that, it's not always a cut and dried scenario, especially in hook up sex. i had one Top FB who contacted me frequently wanting to breed me. Any Top who wants repeat breeding with me has already taken a certain amount of possession of me lol. This guy didn't have a particularly long Cock, but the girth was substantial. He was a breed and go kind of Top and did not take time to open me... or enough time to adequately open me. He wasn't mean about it, He just wanted to breed... and i wanted Him. The second time He contacted me, i hesitated, made an excuse because it had hurt the first time with Him (and i am not a neophyte lol). But i regretted putting Him off, so i got to the place where when He contacted me i'd open myself with a plug before He got to my house. That fixed it. Would i have rather He be the kind of Top who likes opening His bottom? Yeah, but He had me still, and i didn't want to say no, so i accommodated Him.

Yeah, it does read like you are falling for this guy. i'm not going to repeat what some others have said, of course, there are practical things to consider... but, it feels pretty great eh? To me, the feeling of falling for someone, whether it gets returned or not, is pretty special and sort of magical. It can be analyzed and discussed up one side and down the other, but i think there will always be elements of mystery when it comes to the feelings you describe. i hope you get to keep the feelings and that they are returned in some way, or at least acknowledged and respected. Even if the guy is straight and doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, if he has some maturity, he can still respect your feelings. And even if he has a girlfriend, there are more than a few Bi people out there in open relationships, so one never knows till they know. It's the 21st century, this guy is educated and as a ER doctor has been exposed to a lot of diversity, i'd be surprised if he would be offended if you shared how you feel. You don't have to come on to him to tell him you are interested, it would be just you being open and honest about who you are and how you feel. Yes, that is risky, but being open and vulnerable for the chance/potential of connection and bonding always carries risk. i wish you the best.

i have been around drugs my whole life. When i was 14, my older sister and her best friend adopted me as a sort of mascot. They took me to parties where everyone was 18-25 and they were all getting stoned. Lots of grass, mushrooms, peyote, hash. LSD, They offered, but i never partook. Watching them all when they were stoned, just wasn't interested. To this day i have never been stoned or drunk. i too have been interested in some of the described effects, but in my experience, those taking the drug look very different from what they describe. Especially those tweaking on meth. To me, it's hard to differentiate between a tweaker and someone having a schizophrenic episode, except tweakers seem more extreme. As a critical care nurse, we always have someone on the unit for meth. It's usually one of two things, they have blown out their brain and have altered mental status (AMS) that they just don't come back from, of partly recover from. The most frequent is congestive heart failure (CHF). Very common that when we do an echocardiogram on their heart, it has an ejection fraction (EF) of 15-25% (normal is 55-65%). 20% is around transplant level, but they do not qualify because of the meth use. Others who are shooting it often have sepsis as well, often get vegetative grown on their heart valves, again ofter blowing out their heart. Obviously people use it and do not end up in the hospital, but it seems like Russian roulette to me. If you're gonna play with drugs, i'd suggest you avoid meth, it's the one i see people get hospitalized for most frequently.

Great thread. Interesting to learn how universal flakes are. i'm with those who blame aps. And i think it has gotten progressive. i was around when AOL started the online hookup ball rolling. i met a tall, wiry black man who i fell head over heals for: "Kirby." OMG, He was gorgeous, inside and out, i loved everything about Him. i also got a descent amount of actual connection on CL when it was still available, but i also watched it get progressively worse. i think the whole online hookup scene devolved into what it is today, that online, over time, caused a sort of de-evolution of civility and manners. It removes an element of responsibility. People say and do things online that they would never do in real life, and that doesn't just apply to gay hook up. i think that is also starting to bleed over into real life. i'm a critical care nurse, and verbal and physical assault on nurses is on the rise. i think a lot of this has been facilitated by the invisible, anonymous online opportunities. It's safer for people to exercise their true colors, and i think emboldens some to bring it into 'real life.' In a way, i don't think it's particularly new, i think "flakes" have always been out there, but online has provided them a venue? Prior to the pandemic, i had pretty much given up on Aps for hook ups, i'd go to the local ABS and usually could get fucked 4 or 5 times in short order. i'd rather be with a guy while lying prone and naked on my own bed. But "flakes" are a lot less common at ABS (though some go there too). SInce the pandemic? Have only been with fuck buddies and more recently i think i may be on the verge of having an actual boyfriend... and i am pretty damned excited about the prospect. He's pretty damned awesome.

Total Top Self aware and open articulate/good communicator kinky Soft dominant/mind fucker wants quality sex more than quantity sex

i think this is often a supply and demand question? ideally, i'd like to be the bottom half of a Total Top/total bottom relationship, and develop a union where He could have it any time He wanted/needed. i want quality over quantity and find that when i am doing the quantity thing, it's because i am getting the quality part in pieces. When cruising places are available, it's not unusual for me to take 4 or 5 cocks in a short time, but the pandemic and online has cut that kind of hook up way back. Even online seemed a lot more productive in its earlier days. But for me, quantity without connection has lost a lot of its appeal. i'd much rather have less sex and with one Guy than more sex with lots of guys because the connection with quick hook up is usually shallow or minimal. i'm kinky, and it takes some relationship for guys with kinks to develop all the myriad ways two men can connect sexually. i find i have sex a lot more, and a lot better, when i have a FB and we click, are compatible, because we get to know each others desires and that provides more ways to have sex, so more and better sex happens.

i had sex with a guy in Palm Springs a few years ago, he had no legs, only about 4 inch stumps. It was great, just different. i touched him everywhere, including His stumps and it brought tears to His eyes, He really liked it and told me no-one ever touched Him there. i touch legs, especially love a Mans thighs, and that was what He had. Unfamiliar can feel strange, but it isn't strange, just unfamiliar to us. It's familiar to the person and it is their normal. Since it is their normal, i think we are more disabled than they are when interacting.

About 10 minutes ago. Covid has been tough for all of us, me included. As a Covid nurse, i have tried to be responsible and do not frequent the places i did before. i do have some FB's though, and one young Latino muscle jock who texts me frequently. He is spontaneous and i am often at work and can't, but He never gives up, and i really love Him. He is so sweet. He texted me Monday, and i was at work, but let Him know i'd be off starting today. First thing this morning, He texts me, so i prep and tell Him i will be waiting as usual, on my bed ass up and door open. He always comes in, mounts and breeds me that way. This time, for some reason, He put a condom on... which He never has before. A few minutes, and it breaks, probably the elbow grease lube? idk, but He asks if i have another and i tell Him i would rather have His bare cock and take His load, He didn't hesitate and slid on in. It's been awhile for both of us, and He unloaded in me pretty quickly. He is quiet when He cums, i have to listen for it, it's a sweet sigh and He keeps fucking after. His load is in me now, i am reallllly happy.

love all the great answers, great topic! Sometimes daily, sometimes several days. i have all sorts of different underwear, lots of jocks, thongs, and larger variety of marketed to gay underwear brands that a former Dom friend bought for me. Have some lace panties that were also gifts from Top friends. Mostly i wear these really cute briefs that practically scream "fag." It's funny that i wear them "under,' which is where the fag in me is as well apparently, since no one can even tell i'm gay. i used to wear boxers, but a couple of years ago i had a short relationship with a Dom (who i am still friends with, we had dinner in Portland last night). He 'instructed' that i should never wear boxers, that only Tops wear boxers, and it stuck for some reason. He had me put them in a bottom drawer of my dresser, and they have been there ever since. i don't particularly like the feel, but something about briefs makes me feel caged, and that appeals to something in me. i try to be scrupulously clean there, unless my Top wants it otherwise. i was off after going, so the back part of my underwear are clean. The front starts to smell like pee after awhile, but my head is not into my own pee, to me it's just waste. If my Top were to piss or come on them, i'd probably never wash or change them.

Some great thoughts Eros. i was leaning more towards Him getting of on putting me in a position where i had to do those things. For me, it's just an everyday occurrence that i do not give a second thought to, but every now and then, it is apparent that some guys (and women) are excited by what's happening. It makes sense, there are plenty of kinky people out there, it stands to reason that they end up in hospitals too. His penis getting erect is not all that uncommon, but the cleaning His ass was a first... that i knew of. With covid patients, we have in the room heart monitors, so i was able to see what was going on with his heart rate while touching him. Usually do not see the monitor when that sort of thing is happening. But it was so extreme, His heart rate literally doubled while i was touching him, and went down soon after i was done, by the same amount. Particularly striking because he was very sick, and most people don't feel very sexual when sick.

The guy at the gay resort was the one who rejected me after learning i was poz. Gotta admit, it did sting because He got hold of a piece of my heart. He had type one diabetes and His comment to me was: "i don't need another disease to deal with." He was really a nice guy, not mean at all, i think He just blurted without thinking first. i actually think He was disappointed because i think the connection went both ways, that He really liked me too. i think it was part ignorance too, so many still do not grasp that HIV undetectable and on meds is one of the 'safer' guys to be with if one is concerned about not getting HIV. my jaw dropped (internally) and i said nothing, it would have been pathetic of me to do so, to try and explain why i was worth having, i don't think he even connected that he had just reduced me to a disease. But though it stung, it wasn't debilitating for me. my sense of self worth doesn't depend on him or anyone else. As a bottom with a fair amount of sub, i love the connection i can have with a Top, and they can wield a lot of power with me, but i only want someone who wants me, and that was not the case here. Thanks for your sweet thoughts.