tallslenderguy

i agree with the others. There is nothing wrong with your desires and needs in my opinion, but there is something wrong with how you are trying to get them met. The kind of stuff you describe is some pretty complex S/m and i believe that is best experienced in a relationship with someone you know and have established a bond of trust with, not a first time meet with an internet hook up.

"Closets" come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and i think most people have them. To me, in a general sense, a closet is a place you hide the parts of yourself that you don't want certain people to see. "Hiding" is usually motivated by fear or anxiety over the negative response/s one might get if seen. i think most peoples use of closets is selective. I.e., one may be in the closet at their church, job, with their wife, kids, parents, yet have a separate life with FB's, gay friends, open and accepting people, maybe a family member. Those posting here are out of the closet here. i'm not obviously or stereotypically gay, i do not have attributes that general culture identifies as 'gay,' so in a sense, i'm generally closeted even though i do not feel the need to be secretive about being gay. Every time i mention that i am gay to someone at work, they are always surprised. me too, it surprises me that after 8 years working at the same hospital that all my peers do not know i am gay. This is one case where i wish people would gossip so all the hot guys i work with would feel free to hit on me lol. But okay, i get it. Like most from earlier generations, i grew up in a restrictive and non accepting culture when it came to being gay. i was part of a conservative religious culture that thought, and still maintains, that one can choose not to be gay. It took me till 2006 to process out of my cultural conditioning, which was my real closet. I.e., the emotional belief that there was something wrong with being gay, something wrong with me because i am gay. Once i came to a place of self acceptance, that closet went away. Do i have "regrets?" All sorts. i regret hiding and lying. i hated the state of confusion, conflict and ambivalence between the reality of who i am and the notions of who i was conditioned to believe i should be. Coming out for me was mostly a matter of self acceptance. my former wife knew i was gay before we married, but we were part of a religious culture that didn't have a clue about what that means. Had we really grasped the meaning of that, we likely never would have gotten married. But being married , having kids, all the stuff i did in a closeted state? Do i have regrets? Yeah, but it isn't a black or white answer, not an all or nothing situation. i learned a lot from my experiences. i learned how to be open, honest, vulnerable in relationship. i learned that is intimacy, how we can connect with another and experience the beauty and wonder of knowing and being known and loved. i know a lot of straight people who do not have that, not because they are 'gay' and closeted, but because they are otherwise closeted, hiding things about their self that they fear, if known, would get them rejected.

Prolly had a few thousand, but i'd rather have one Man thousands of times, where we were a good match, than thousands of cocks one time.

i think it's the Brittish who have a similar description: "tempest in a teapot." Leave it to the Britts to depersonalize it lol. i think we all have ethnocetricities, or approximations of them, and i think many of them are hidden. i listen to music from the 60's ad 70's and think now: "wow, that's sexist" But i didn't realize it then and would have been insulted had someone called me "sexist." i think there a plenty of social standards we take for granted that have religious cultural roots. Re your patient, i see it here too. Questions about sexual activity are a standard part of charting, but i rarely see it filled out. The thing about the gay patient is he may have other infections that do not get tested for because the system is to shy to ask. We give a urinalysis, but do not swab his throat or anus because straight guys don't suck cock or take it up the ass. So gay people often go underserved. It's understood here, and there are efforts to correct it. We have annual education requirements that teach everyone how to overcome heteronormative presumption, but it's a slow process. i totally get your ginger crush. i had a crush on my cousin as early as age 10 and i still have dreams about him that seemingly come out of no where. It's not like i sit around thinking about him, but he is obviously somewhere in my sub conscious.

lol, i love: "sea storm in a skull." And about some turning a blind eye to gay sex in Greek culture? It demonstrates how blind sub culture can be and reinforces ethnocentricity. i think it's a sign of love and maturity that you are affirming your friend because you take "for granted that [he] is str8." i'd question taking his being straight "for granted" though. To me, he is sending mixed signals, but i understand that is speculation on my part, and maybe wishful thinking because i want to see two possibly closeted gay guys find romance lol. i am a romantic. i know i was calling myself straight for many years, married and a total gay bottom at the same time. i was confused by my cultural conditioning, not lying. i thought it was a choice, etc. So it's easy for me to imagine your friend in a similar way, but it's still just imagination on my part. And yeah, i get the stress feelings too. i have a budding romance of my own going on right now and i fluctuate between being high as a kite and axniety. ❤️

Re point 1: i agree, it is hard to be a slut and refuse a load, but not impossible, even by your own speculative numbers, you are guessing that 30% of sluts would be able to do it. And those numbers are just just individual speculation, they are not substantiated "facts." Re point 2: i think you raise a good point about the stigma of STD's. i think stigma is part of the reason STD's are rampant. i'd love to see a society where we have a world get checked for STD's day, say, every threa months. Turn it into a social campaign and de-stigmatize STD's. That'll prolly only happen on Star Trek, but i can dream. But stigma is not part of the OP's question, nor do i think it's a factor of personal responsibility and maturity. If i have the flu or something else contagious that might make a guy sick, i'm still going to pass on having sex with Him until i am better. The point is me looking out for you as a socially responsible choice vs every man for himself. If i know i have a contagious disease, be it Covid or chlamydia, i do not want to pass it on to another guy, so i am gonna suck it up and abstain until i am better, then probably have make-up sex for a week after lol.

i'm not sure if it's a language barrier or __________?, but the OP question is not about taking personal responsibility for your own health, not about asking status, not about fear or concern over getting STD/STI from bareback. The question is not about any of those things, it's a simple question: You just went to the doctor/clinic and found out you have an STD/STI. You go to the pharmacy and get your antibiotics and have been told it'll take, say, 7 days to cure the STD/STI. Do you disregard that information and keep having sex? It's that simple. i take complete responsibility for my health, this is not a question about that . i'm pretty sure the guy who gave me HIV (and syphillis) lied about knowing his status. He was a regular FB and an awesome fuck. i do not blame him and was never angry at him, but that does not change the fact that i think he was immature, self centered and socially irresponsible. To me, to knowi you have a contagious STI and continue to lie and spread it (the is not about "chasing" or "gifting") that is at best childish and self centered, at worst sociopathic. Sort of like saying: "when i drive my car, i don't stop for people crossing the street. They know they are taking a risk they'll get hit by a car when they cross the street, it's not my responsibility, i'm just a 'trashy' driver." i do not believe knowingly spreading disease makes anyone a superior slut, i do not think it's related.

i love men. Seriously, i fucking love men. i don't know where it came from or why, but i feel like a guy crazy teen ager emotionally. i don't want to make guys sick, i want to give them pleasure, so if i know i'm sick, i abstain until i'm better.

i've received more cocks than i can count and cannot remember ever having ridden a man... the idea feels top to me and it just doesn't aline with my bottom wiring. It's not that i don't like being active and giving Him pleasure, i'm a cock sucker too and am usually the one doing all the work in that instance. i't feel perfectly right to be creating and giving Him pleasure that way. But i still don't feel in control with a cock in my mouth and down my throat... riding a cock would just feel to controlling to me.

The more i think about this, the more i think there is a bigger picture that is in play here and needs to be considered. If a guy likes a woman, he doesn't have to fear social disdain for liking women. He doesn't have to fear that the woman will get angry and reject him because he likes women and how dare he think that she could possibly be interested in men, in him. We don't think about it, but homophobia is alive and well. AlChemist has a professor, someone he works with and may even answer too who is openly homophobic, openly using pejorative labels when speaking about a gay person. It may be hard to relate to such deeply entrenched homophobia if one has always lived in a more progressive culture, so it's all to easy to side with the heteronormative response of 'man up,' but it isn't that simple. It takes a long time and a lot of money to become a doctor, establish a reputation that can be threatened by simply being honest and open. To me, the bigger picture is, it really sucks that you live in an environment where you have legitimate reason to be afraid. Where the authorities would not protect you if there was an assault on you because you are gay, where you fear openness because many of those you work with will treat you as less than, or worse, if they know you are gay.

The Greek culture has a long history of religious culture. The Greeks were at the hub of early Christianity, for instance, eh? Every place and country has its ethnocentricity's, and i think the ones that are the most frustrating or confusing are the ones we are not aware of. While you may "...have no opinion on how religious people should do their rituals," it's part of the culture you live in and it affects you and how you feel and think. You are afraid to be who you are living where you are. You were born in a different country, so you have extra cultural influence, yet you are still afraid to be openly gay for probably many known and unknown reasons. Fear is an emotional response, it's not rational, and it is governing an important part of your life, no? It seems reasonable to me to at least suspect that your friend is going to have similar fears, affecting and governing him. If he is sexually and/or romantically attracted to you, he is just as afraid of being open about that as you are... maybe more, maybe less. It seems revealing to me that even though you like this guy and are feeling romantic towards him, that even when he gave you several opportunities to support alternative ways of living (i.e., by telling you he is not into marriage, etc.) you supported cultural tradition instead of who and how you feel. You encouraged him to do the culturally acceptable thing and get married and have kids. Even though you have romantic feelings for this guy, you chose culture over your self... and maybe over his self as well? You may very well be two gay guys struggling to accept and be your self in a less than gay friendly culture.

Having come from a religious culture myself, i understand how it can keep one in the closet, and i sense that where you and your friend are is that kind of culture. From what you have written, my read is he may be gay and as afraid to be open about it as you are. The "Obvious reason of not having children and marrying" is him saying he "shouldn't" and "not into marriage." Instead of you responding to him how you see it, maybe ask him why he feels he should not get married and ask why he is not into marriage?

Again, want to lead with qualifying how speculative this discussion is overall. Not to suggest i think that is good or bad, just trying to put this in context. i believe where things can get dicey is when speculation is treated like knowledge or fact. That said. my read is part of the challenge here is culture and cultural differences. Two cultures, Greek, and the Greek medical culture, and more specifically the particular culture of the hospital where you work. For instance, the culture of the former hospital where i worked was different from the one where i work now. It was in a different state Virginia then vs Oregon now. Both were teaching hospitals, which makes a big difference. One was a 860 bed hospital, the other a 250 bed hospital. Then you mention a larger culture of religion, i am guessing Greek Orthodox?, that has deep and old roots and likely has lots of influence still. You mention in another post considering coming back to the US because of the cultural differences and imply you feel freer to be gay, who you are, in the US? The point is, we do not have your perspective. my feeling when i read your posts is there is a sort of cat and mouse game going on between you and this 'friend.' And that you are switching roles. I.e., sometimes he is the cat and you the mouse, sometimes you are the cat and he the mouse. This most recent get together, he seems to be fishing telling you that he will marry by the end of July (almost a year away), then tells you "he shouldn't," and that he is "not into marriage" and he "feels bad for her." To me, this sounds like fishing, and i could be wrong and reading this into this, but to me it reads like he wants you to give him a reason why he should not marry, Instead, you told him he should get married lol. To me, this would have been a good opportunity to say something like: "i'm not into marriage either" and "feeling sorry for her is not a good reason to get married." You are sending mixed signals. To me, he gave you opportunities to agree with him, and instead you give him arguments why he should marry lol. If he is gay and as nervous as you are and trying to figure out if you are gay, you didn't take the bait. Instead, you gave him reasons to still be afraid of telling you, if he happens to be gay or bi. my feeling is you may both be attracted to each other and both of you are afraid to be the first one to tell the other one they are attracted. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be. i still think you need to come out to this guy, but not at the same time you tell him you are attracted to him. i am just speculating, but It really seems to me you are both attracted to each other and that he is gay or bi and attracted to you, but both of you are afraid to tell the other? i think you need to find a way to tell him you are gay and it's getting harder for me to believe he doesn't already suspect or hope that you are gay. idk

He said "take me with u." Did he mention he wants you to take his girlfriend with you too, or just him? Of course, we are all just speculating here, none of us can tell you what to do or not do, this is solely your decision how to play this. These are all just speculative thoughts and ideas. That said, i'll offer a different point of view. Would a real friend reject you because of your sexuality? And, how good a friend is someone you feel the need to hide from? One thing that does make sense to me is, if you do decide to come out to him, that i would not combine that with telling him you are falling or have fallen for him. See how he responds to you being gay and if he is cool with that, in time, you will know whether or not you should tell him how you feel about him? in a heteronormative culture, it is assumed without ever having to say that if there is a male and female it can turn romantic. It doesn't have to be spoken, that tension is unconsciously assumed. It's different for gays because, unless you are open or have a rainbow t shirt or some other identifier, you are not really known until you come out. Like you i get women hitting on me at the hospital where i work, and that's usually the time i come out... yet again. Seems like i am forever "coming out," because i am not what most seem to deem stereotypically gay. You'd think these women would talk among themselves and word would get around, but no... doesn't seem to have happened.

i've had similar exxperiences. After lots of thought and introspection i've come to understand where some of my ambivalent feelings come from: cultural conditioning against our nature/need/desire/reality. This first time a Top pissed inside of me was a "surprise." It happened with a regular Top FB who knew me pretty well and He risked crossing that blurred line of advise and consent with me. i was used to Him contacting me when He wanted to breed and i would always be waiting for Him naked and prone on my bed, door open for Him. Sometimes blindfolded, but really didn't see Him either way since i was prone, so it was a visually anonymous dynamic. He'd typically come in, undress, mount me and breed, then leave. Sometimes He 'talked dirty' to me, others He was silent. But it wasn't a completely anonymous relationship because we got to know each other pretty well through communicating by email where we exchanged information on who and how we were sexually. i knew He was a Top with some Dom, and He knew i was a bottom with some sub, so even though He had not outright asked if He could piss in my ass, He knew me well enough to realize it would probably be not only okay, but a real connecting place. He was right. The first time when He started pissing in me after breeding me, i was startled and He immediately started whispering in my ear asking me to take it, telling me how good it felt to Him. That was all it took to connect to the bottom and sub in me, and i suspect He was pretty confident i would respond that way. my startled response turned to being really turned on, and He could discern that and affirmed it, saying: "that's right, you like it don't you? you like that i am making you My piss slut?" And i heartily agreed, it was true. i see a Tops piss as another form of seed, especially when He connects to it that way, so for me this was a 'surprise breeding.' He tapped into a natural desire in me and overcame my conditioning against piss and being pissed in. He did take a calculated risk, but it paid off for both of us. i have found lots of things like this in my journey. For me, it's the same with soft domination where a Dom uses 'soft' humiliation/degradation. What i have come to realize is the feelings of humiliation/degradation/embarrassment i experience are responses that have been conditioned into me, the reason they are so arousing for me is because the acts that evoke them are also deeply affirming. Using my above example: the Top who pissed in me progressed that to a place where He called me His toilet and He got pleasure in having me acknowledge that i was and that i liked being that. It was/is embarrassing, even writing this, to admit that. And in general culture, i'd get plenty of disdain and shock from people if they knew or overheard that, and would probably turn beat red with humiliation and embarrassment at the degradation if it happened, but at the same time, i'd be deeply aroused because i'm a bottom with sub and love when a Top gets pleasure with me and puts His pleasure in me.

Hey parvenu, Sorry for such a late response to this, but just now reading your post. i've received thousands of loads from men. About 5 or 6 years ago, i decided to get on PreP and as part of the process of getting tested, i found out i was poz. Being poz didn't devastate me, nor was it a desire or goal. i am pretty sure i know who pozzed me and am pretty sure he lied about his status. Doen't matter to me, truly, i take full responsibility for my sex life, it's always been consensual, and the guy who pozzed me was an awesome fuck and i miss him (moved to another state). i'm a critical care nurse and am pretty up on risk vs benefit. To me, if you are taking anonymous loads on a regular basis, the risks of PreP are fewer and less severe than HIV. If you get HIV, you will have no choice but to be on the meds anyway, if you do not want to eventually progress to AID's. With PreP, you can always stop taking it if you are one of the people who's kidneys are effected by it. You can get regular and easy test for creatinine clearance and glomeular filtration rate that will look for ill effects on your kidneys. If PreP is affecting your kidneys, it will likely take long enough that you can stop taking it if needed and your kidneys will likely recover once the drug is stopped. i've been on HIV meds for 5-6 years now, i get my kidneys checked regularly and, so far, my kidneys are fine. IOW, the risk is low, and not blind faith, you can routinely check on how your kidneys are responding to the med.

Oh yeah. i've had several cocks with PA's inside of me and have never experienced any damage i am aware of, no bleeding. i'm not into having my hole damaged... though i confess my idea of "damage" is prolly more liberal than most. For instance, i love when part of a Top's desire and goal is to permanently open and mold my hole. To me, that is not "damage," it's my Top's signature or mark, and that collars something deep inside of me. Beyond the actual physical feel of having a Cock with an accessory like a PA attached or inserted into His pierced Cock, is the mind fuck element. To me, a pierced Cock with something like a PA is a statement of Topness, power that can bring out the sub in me. For me it is one of a more subtle Dom expressions that is like a magnet for surfacing and evoking the sub in me. i do not open to force or bullying, overt expressions of dominance shut me down and leave me cold. To me, force/bullying are the opposite of power (not making a universal judgement, i know some are wired differently than me). To me, pierced cocks with something like a PA makes a statement to me without uttering a word, it's like a Man who presents with a sort of collar and leash in His hand, For me, the message is clear, , the sub in me surfaces and i 'heel.'

This. As you note: "...firm age markers are not always helpful." But a society built on written laws has to do this none the less, and it makes sense to me that laws that protect children should "...err on the side of zero tolerance for adult advances toward young people." When i consider which would be more harmful, a kid who didn't have sex with and adult and may have liked or wanted it, or a kid who did have sex with an adult and it traumatized him/her, it's clear to me that the latter group is who the laws should be written for. i'm very grateful for this community. As in any community, there are going to be those who don't promote the general welfare, but reading some of responses here makes me proud to be a member here. There are some beautifully thoughtful, vulnerable, real contributions on this site, and to me they are gold. There may be dross mixed in, but that doesn't make the gold only less gold. Hopefully discussions like this can help burn out some of that dross.

i think BareLover666 makes some great points. Being in a country and/or professional environment where being gay is not accepted, or worse, is important to consider. It occurs to me that if you are in a culture where being gay is still a closet culture, or worse, unsafe, that your friend may be Bi or gay. In unfriendly or unsafe environments/cutures, it's not unusual for a gay or bi guy to have a girlfriend, or even a female wife. Look at all the guys in more gay friendly environments who struggle with accepting their sexuality? i think the guy is cleary interested in you, as to what he is interested in remains to be seen. i was raised in a conservative religious culture and was conditioned to believe i was sick and broken because i am gay. i got married to a woman at a very early age. Late into the marriage, while i was still trying to de-gay myself, i opened up to my brother in law (my wife's sisters husband), actually looking for support in fighting my gayness... we were both of the same religious background. Instead, he admitted to me that he 'struggled' with similar feelings. One weekend, we were helping a mutual friend with a house project and we ended up spending the night in a room together. The sexual tension was so thick, it was palpable. At one point, he got up and came over to me and asked if he could kiss me. For us, a kiss was a big deal, coming from where we were, so i get how meaningful just falling asleep together can be.

To me, a Tops piss is another form of semen. Obviously, that's a personal point of view, not universal. i have found if a guy is Top and/or Dom in His nature, He is often also into or open to WS. You may have to approach it subtly at first because, even in the gay community, puritanical notions can be part of ones make up. i've always thought it's pretty interesting how every human sex organ is also used for 'waste' disposal. Even a woman has a period through her vagina every 21 days or so, and that is removing waste. To me, a womans period is sort of like a 7 day bowel movement lol (i'm a nurse, i am not delicate). Point is, the sensibilities some have about piss are generally culturally conditioned and can be undone. To me, it's not unlike being gay and having to get past the cultural conditioning that assumes everyone is straight. Some believe our urine has pheromones in it, sexual attractants and markers, like other mammals have. To me, if it comes from a guy with a Top or Dom nature, it's 'seed,' if it comes from a bottom or sub, it's 'waste.' Again, not making a universal declaration, it's how i am wired. i love the symbiosis of a Total Top/total bottom dynamic. And i have met plenty of Tops and/or Doms who see it the same way. in my experience, if one is a Total Top or Dom, they can have the kind of energy in them that will attach to using Their piss with a bottom or sub. It's not just the bottom or sub who has negative conditioning to get past. i took to getting piss up my ass immediately. The first time, i held it in all night, fell asleep with my Tops piss in my gut. The next day when i peed, i could smell His piss impregnating my pee. That is fucking awesome, it's a true form of impregnation. Drinking is different, and others have given info that i'd only be repeating on what to drink, getting used to, etc.. For me? Getting over the quantity and taste is a matter of practice, developing a skill. The driving force for me is the natural need/desire in me to receive my Tops cock and what comes out of it, to give and receive His pleasure into me. To me, that is the connection and bond between Top/bottom, where each of our need/desire feeds the others. That's what i tap into to overcome any fear i may have about taste or quantity. i'm still in the learning process when it comes to drinking piss from my Tops cock, but again, that is just learning skill and technique, the desire of me and my Top is what fuels the learning effort... and that is very strong indeed.

i'm more into the energy than the age. Young twinks can be sweet to look at, but honestly, beauty can intimidate me. i want to be wanted as much as i want the person fucking me. For me, it really isn't just about the sex, but the symbiotic connectection where each of us is feeding the others need/desire. i've had some profound connections with anonymous fucks, pretty amazing to me how that can happen. Having said that, i am deeply into mind fuck and for me there can be some very hot mind fuck when a young twink Tops and seeds an older bottom. i love stuff that goes against the norm or stereotype. i'm pretty kinky. i've had a few twink fuck buddies who i grew to adore, and they obviously got off on what we had too. i currently have a young, 23? year old muscle Top, sort of a shy Latino Guy. He is really hot and He keeps contacting me wanting more. He could have whoever He wants, so i am mystified that He chooses me, but love the fuck out of Him. He's a quiet cummer, so i often do not know He has cum until He pulls out and leaves. Sometimes i think: "okay, i guess He didn't get off." Then i find a big load in me. Last time he told me He "only came once this time." So i guess He usually cums multiple times. But age really doesn't matter, though i acknowledge there can be differences. What matters to me is the energy and connection.

i guess i am lucky, i can be either. i'm not a gorilla, but left to its own devices, my body gets hairy. Not overly, but not slight either. Personally? i like being smooth... or i should say, i like when my Top likes me smooth. But for me, it's about the energy connection. If my Top is turned on by hairy, i'm gonna let it grow, if He likes it smooth, out comes the razor. Wanna collar a bit more sub in me? Then you do or arrange the shaving. Had a D/s relationship with a Man once who sent me to another sub to be waxed and prepped for Him. That was like putting a collar on my hole. But either is really connected to my Tops desires and energy, whatever cranks His lust up and fulfills His personal need in that area. As to what i like? Either is okay, but i love a smooth Top. For me there is a mind fuck to it because the association is "hairy is masculine, Male, Dom, Top, etc.," while smooth is associated with the opposite. One of my bigger mind fuck fantasies is a smooth shemale with a smooth body and cock who is Total Top. It's a mysterious one for me because i am not attracted to women at all, and not really talking a trans person here who identifies as a woman, it's more the mind fuck of it, that things are not what they seem. Having said that, i have seen some furry guys who just would not look right smooth. i did yoga with a guy who was covered in black fur and He was hot as hell, i wanted Him every time i say Him. So, i guess it's not so much a matter of hair or no hair for me, but who is wearing it and how it's worn, the energy behind it.

i get it, i got it as soon as i read your post, and you confirm it. i too work at a hospital, as a critical care nurse. There are often times when it seems like doctor or other provider is being flirty and i flirt right back. i have no idea if they are actually flirting or not, but i don't care anymore. If straights can do it, why can't we? Funny story. A couple of years ago there was this really cute doctor i was crushing on and who seemed to be flirty with me. i had not seen him for awhile and came back on rotation and he had transitioned into she. It was a funny/confusing moment for me because i was crushing on a person who identifies as a woman... and i'm a total bottom with no attraction to women. i told her and we had a pretty good laugh about it. i don't feel the 'falling for' feelings very often, but i am grateful for each time... and hope one day it will be mutual. i'd really like to be 'in love.'

Wow, 11 times? i'd need to get over it and rim you lol. But seriously, i know it doesn't disqualify a Top from being a Top, it's just a sort of extreme way i feel. i have a hard time even being with a Top who wants to suck me... there are work arounds, like when a Top sees and treats what i have as decidedly different from a cock. It's not particularly a reasonable thing on my part, just an emotional/psychological disposition. And i know Tops who feel the same way, almost have an aversion to a bottoms penis or being penetrated in any way. It brings out an almost visceral attraction to Him from me.

If the Top is quiet, i always wonder and have a little anxiety over whether or not He is enjoying Himself. If He is obviously enjoying Himself and vocal, i get totally pulled into His mood. If He is making love to me, i have to bite my mattress to keep from saying "i love you" (to a complete stranger? lol).