tallslenderguy

i often find what, to me, are heteronormative ideas (often with religious underpinnings) on gay guys profiles on dating or even hook up sites. Starting this thread as a place to discuss the topic and identify notions that may influence or infiltrate the gay community. That's not to say all hetero notions, standards, ideas are bad (or good), but to put them out in the open for scrutiny and discussion. One of those notions i assign to dominant hetero/religious culture is the notion that sex, sexuality, and body parts are dirty or should only be exposed or practiced under restricted standards. E.g., i cannot count the number of profiles i have seen on gay dating sites where someone explicitly states that they don't want to see cock or ass pics. That's fine with me if it's just a personal thing, but what gets me is the superior aire that often accompanies such a declaration, as if they are above all that. As though they are not going to soil themselves with such practices, and those who do are beneath their consideration. A close companion to the pic standard is guys who don't want to take about sex on a dating or hook up site. Again, if it's just their personal thing, fine. But more often than not, there's an accompanying lecture about how 'shallow' guys are who want or discuss sex. What are some of those standards that others have run into that seemingly fly under the radar, or are out in the open, that we just seem to adopt from the dominant culture we grew up in, but may not reflect who and how we are?

Right? i had to process through the religious/cultural bs too from a bottom perspective. i wanted sex with a guy starting at age 7, but struggled, repressed and suppressed my desires till i was 27. Also a "brother." i was doing some volunteer work on a missionary ship. The Man they roomed me with for the night was a permanent crew member and 'missionary.' He seduced me into sucking His cock late that night. It was totally dark, in the wee hours of the morning, and no words passed between us. We were obviously both restless in the dark, not saying anything, but making sexual sounds. i finally could not stand it anymore and went over to His bed. He silently presented His cock, and i took Him in my mouth, a life time of need and desire released. He came quickly and i swallowed every drop. He rolled over and went to sleep and i went back to my bunk. We never acknowledged or talked about it, but the damn burst in me and i became a slut after that. i tried top a few times, but it was never right. i knew who and how i was from about age 7 and it has never changed.

^^This^^ To me what You describe is more the holistic way i see and experience connection with Men. For me, a "Top" is not just a physical expression, it's part of His psychological make up, and bottom is part mine. i do not see "cock" as only an organ between a guys legs, but as part of His psychosexual make-up. i think a person who cannot truly (not just pretending to be polite) listen or consider another is exercising maturity. To me, a guy who must be right and cannot even consider another's view, is immature and insecure. A Man who thoughtfully and truly listens to me, smiles and nods honestly acknowledging me, then says: "please turn around and bend over" is a hot Top and i wanna be bred by Him.

i do not wish i had done things differently. Any way we choose, life has wins and losses. i have, however, wondered how differently things might have gone if we'd gone the next step when i was 7. i had a crush on a neighbor boy "Danny Newberry," of the same age. One day while at his house, he took me into his bathroom, showed me an enema nozzle and explained with great excitement where it went. Nothing happened, but i was excited by his excitement. As soon as i got home, i went into our family bathroom, found the enema nozzle and slid it in my ass fantasizing about Danny doing it to me. i have wondered what would have happened had he actually been the first one to penetrate me.

i don't think there is a yes or no answer to this question. Personally, i think sexual compatibility is an important factor in an intimate, LTR. i look for guys who are self aware and can articulate about who they are and what they want.It's always surprising to me how many guys do not have that understanding or do that. But we are not generally taught how to do that in school or by our parents, so guys either figure it out, or not. i think nature demonstrates and teaches us that opposites attract. A negatively charged ion and a positively charged ion attract and bond. Put two north or south ends of a magnet together and they repel each other. i look for opposite because there's not only the attraction and bonding factors, but i think with chemistry, there can also be symbiosis. For a simple example, a Total Top and a total bottom work sexually because each of their needs gets fulfilled in meeting the needs of the other (yes, i know i am simplifying). i think one of the biggest relationship killers is a quid pro quo approach to sex. I.e., i did ___________ for you, you should do___________ for me. my need as a bottom is not met just from getting penetrated, fucked, bred, i also need/want the factor of my Top needing/wanting to penetrate, fuck and breed me. i've found the opposite to be true as well, i.e., a Top who want/needs me to want/need them. i know this is not universally true, but i think it's important when talking relationship/LTR. ideally, i want to communicate and find out as many of our kinks (to me a "kink" is just a general label for sexual needs/desires) we have in common. To me, the more we have, the better the chemistry. E.g., He is Total Top and i am total bottom, that's foundational for me. But then we both discover we love WS. To me, that's another compatibie "kink' that adds to our chemistry of attraction and provides another bonding place. The more bonding places, the stronger the relationship. lol, i've thought a lot about this.

i think labels are important as a starting place, but humans are complex and there is no standardized version of a person. The label gives us some idea as to the contents, but gotta open up the package to discover what's really inside. So, this is just my take, i don't presume to make this a universal rule or speak for anyone else. That said, my read of you is you are more versatile than Top versatile because you "love to bottom just as much." i use more qualifiers to try and help the person looking. E.g Total Top, Top, top, top versatile. For me, a Total Top doesn't want me anywhere near their hole and they are not interested in cock. They want to fuck or get sucked. i also think there is a psychology behind it. i don't see a Top in any form ever saying they "love to bottom just as much," that seems more middle ground, versatile. The "love" part, to me, is part of your wiring, psychological make up. Maybe consider introspectively the what and why behind why you love to top and why you love to bottom. What are the physical reasons, what are the emotional reasons? Conversely, i identify as "total bottom." For me, the physical part is i get penetrated and never penetrate. Not with my penis, finger, tongue, dildo, etc.. i'm so bottom, i don't even like to penetrate myself, and me masturbating my penis may feel good physically, but i am always disappointed about it. i want to only come when a Top gives me an orgasm from penetrating me. If i don't cum that way and from Him making it happen, i'd rather not cum. For me, His orgasm is my orgasm. I.e., when He cums inside of me, it's like His orgasm leaves Him and becomes mine. my equipment works, i get hard as a rock, but i only get hard when a Top is expressing interest in penetrating me. If a guy wants to use, or wants me to use my penis, i cannot get hard, i stay soft and small. lol, so i put myself on the extreme bottom side of the spectrum i see a Total Top as an opposite version of that.

10/10 Critical care nurse with >1700 hours of direct Covid poz patient care. Masks are simple and effective in reduction of conveyance.

Great topic, thanks for putting it out there Sharp-edge. i have been a lifelong cum dump, if You have a need to breed, i have a reciprocal need to be bred. i'd say 90% of my sex life with men has been anonymous seed and go. But it's never been my ideal. my attempts to have a ltr relationship have never been reciprocated, and that is not for lack of trying. i compromise with hook up sex, but it's never been my ideal, i'm ridiculously romantic, which may be what scares guys away, idk. i have to hold back because it seems i seem to do nothing but scare guys away when i try to get to know them. i have not found many guys who want an in depth emotional/psychological connection, or who want to put in the work to have one, so i just shut up and bend over. Which is better than nothing. No, honestly, it can be awesome to receive a mans desire and pleasure, but i am so aware that it could be even more, so it frustrates me. It's not just a bottom phenomena, i look for compatibility in relationship because i think that is what sustains a relationship. Read my profiles on dating sites, and i go into great detail about this. IOW, i think if the "craving" is mutual, the relationship is symbiotic and sustainable vs quid pro quo, which i think is not. Something i put in all my profiles on ltr type sites is i think a Mans "cock" goes way beyond the organ between His legs, that it is His nature and an intrinsic part of His whole being... and that's true about me too as a bottom. i'd rather go without sex if the Top i am with doesn't want me as much as i want them, the challenge i have is not many guys want to explore depth in relationship, and i think we miss out because of that.

It was Huntington Park and it was back in the 90's. There were several great cruising parks, Ocean View was crawling with sex. Grand View was another, especially at the far end, lots of nude sun bathing and fucking. i'd lay out naked and face down at Grand View and guys would come along, mount, breed and leave. Last time i visited Ocean View, there was nothing going on at all, seems aps have killed off the cruising places. i don't know about Huntington, but it was really active during the 90's. [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.virginia.org/listing/huntington-park/7316/ Just checked on Squirt and looks like Huntington/Newport News Park is still a cruising place.

Sort of, and only one guy. A local guy from the Squirt site. The first time he approached me late at night after he got off work. He told me he wanted to breed then piss in me, and i was totally hot for him. It was summer, and i was waiting for him, kneeling in doggie posture on my backyard deck in the late night darkness, so he could easily stand and fuck me standing on the ground next to the deck. He could not get hard and never got around to actually fucking or pissing in me, was really frustrating. He didn't even piss on me before leaving, just sort of played with his soft cock, for what seemed an eternity, trying to get hard enough to fuck. A week later he contacted me again and acted like it had been the best time ever. i politely said no thanks. But he persisted, finally admitting that he had not done what we discussed and insisting that what happened was unusual. Against my better judgement, i gave in and the same thing happened again. i think i tried hooking with him 3 times, always with the same results. It's hard for me to refuse a man in need lol, so i guess one could construe that as a rejected fuck that got me anyway. This was a few years ago, and he still looks at my profile on Squirt and tries to chat me up and hook, but i have not given in for a couple of years now.

i was cruising in a park i frequented when i lived in Virginia, the part was in Newport News on the James river. I'd often see this tall red headed guy and would cruise him, he'd show interest but would always stop shy of doing anything. The park was wooded and sex happened out doors, so i figured he was just shy. One day i finally got him in the mood and he was going to fuck me, it stood out to me that he had a really high voice. When he lowered his shorts, he had one of the tiniest cocks i have ever seen (and i have seen a lot of cocks, i'm a member of >1000 cocks club). Size is not an issue for me. Sure, bigger feels better, but my primary desire with a man is his desire and need to fuck, his drive is what i connect to the most, so i didn't hesitate to bend over behind a tree to take it. He got it in and even though i did feel much, i would have loved to receive his pleasure and seed (i've had other small cocks and loved and was happy to get them), but he was so self conscious about his size and felt so inadequate. He had a hard time fucking and keeping it in. He quickly gave up and mumbled "i just can't fuck," pulled up his shorts and almost ran away. i felt really badly for him, he just could not get past his size, even though he had a bottom who would have cherished receiving him. Made me sad, i love men and want them all to feel desired, he just could not grasp that i really wanted him.

i have found that when i shave, the odors that develop in my crotch happen sooner and are stronger. When i have hair there, it seems to wick the moisture away and i stay fresher. i'm more bottom than cock sucker, but being a cocksucker is definitely part of my bottom nature. i do not like very strong smells, but i do like something in between? Clean, but still exuding pheromones. i never was my face after sucking a Mans cock, i fucking love having the lingering scent of His cock and balls on my face. Every breath i take for hours afterward are filled with the scent of His cock and balls and it's better than poppers for me, it takes my imagination right back to me being between His legs and pleasuring Him. I also love the scent of His cum, and even piss, on my breath.

Great discussion!! i think this can go a couple of ways. To me, guys who are so attracted to their self that they cannot appreciate what they consider to be lesser, are a total turn off. Sex for me is about compatibility, mutual attraction and connection. The best sex by my estimation is symbiotic, balanced, where each is into who and what the other is. That segues into this: there are a lot of guys who do not want to have much or any exchange, discussion prior to hook up. i'm the opposite, i want to know and share as much about our sexual desires prior to hook up as each is willing to divulge. To me, that is getting the details out of the way and, more importantly, determining compatibility before going to the trouble of meeting. Once i hook, all of that is established and we can get into sex because we already know what we're about. Guys who just want to get together and see what happens? No thanks, to me that is more often than not, a waste of time and a failed hook up. Empty profiles? No thanks. To me, online discussion is foreplay, and i know it can be construed by some as "endless emails" or fantasy fodder. i get that, i've been burned plenty of times by flakes, but i have hooked many guys that way too, and the sex is usually a lot better. In this case, discussion is not being hard to get, but about establishing a match.

i've been on Biktarvy 2 years now, my last CD count was 788 and my blood work is consistently good with no kidney or liver effects in eviedence. i'm happy with the med.

Yeah, i get it. Conditioned behavior can feel "natural," eh? i had an older brother, 13 years older, who was gay and died of AID's in the early 80's. i was still religious, married (to a woman) and trying to de-gay myself at the time of his awful death (he had every opportunistic disease one can think of, he was emaciated and covered in Kaposis). i was scared to death of AID's, had the religious notion that i was broken and sinful because i'm gay, yet i engaged in anonymous hook up sex and took bare Men's cock and their semen all the time. It was a horrible cycle for me where i would fight, and pray, fast, beg "God" to help me all while driving to the crusing place where i knew i could get fucked. As soon as i got a load in me, i was filled with remorse and would swear never to do it again... till the next day, or a few hours later. i came to realize after i accepted myself for who i am (i.e., "gay") that my compulsive sex was my only affirmation as a gay man, it was a form of self medication. The compulsive need dropped instantly when i accepted myself. But despite all that, i can count on one hand the number of times a condom was used (and i am in the >1000 cocks club). Strangely, i did not become poz till several years after i divorced. Ironically, i found out when i went in to get tested so i could get on PrEP. So, i count myself very fortunate that i did not infect my former wife. For me, sex with a condom is incomplete, i'd rather go without. i know that may seem crazy to some, but it's how i feel.

The question: "Why did you get into bareback sex?" is telling i think. Bare is the natural way to have sex. To me the real question would be why people choose otherwise? Was condom use between men having sex even a thing prior to HIV? Condoms were sort of like the 'mask' of the 80's and early 90's, used in an attempt to avoid infection, but wearing a mask or condom is not natural. Even for two guys having sex who wore/wear condoms, it seems to me it's a choice to wear a condom, not a choice to go bare.

For those interested, here's a picture of the male rectum and sigmoid. As explained by BootmanLA, the sigmoid curve is what is perceived as the "second hole" by Tops who have a cock that gets that far, and by their bottoms who feel it. What some describe as "opening the second hole" is more aptly described as penetrating and (temporarily) straightening the curve of the sigmoid. Everyone is a little different inside, not all rectums are the same length. As a bottom, the pressure we feel is the Tops cock hitting a wall, albeit a flexible wall. A sensitive Top can effectively open or straighten the curve. What the Top feels is the pressure of His cock pushing against and straighening that curve as His cock penetrates more deeply. Also, some guys have a more severe curve than others, so both the Top and bottom may feel it more intensely.

"A Rapid Self-Test is done entirely at home or in a private location and can produce results within 20 minutes. You can buy a rapid self-test kit at a pharmacy or onlineexternal icon. The only rapid self-test currently available in the US is an oral fluid test. A Mail-In Self-Test includes a specimen collection kit that contains supplies to collect dried blood from a fingerstick at home. The sample is then sent to a lab for testing and the results are provided by a health care provider. Mail-in self-tests can be ordered through various online merchant sites. Your health care provider can also order a mail-in self-test for you." [think before following links] https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/hiv-testing/hiv-self-tests.html

i knew a Top online for awhile who wanted me to have titties. He was looking for the opposite of muscle. i'm a tall skinny bottom and didn't want anything huge, more the mind fuck aspect of a guy with tits. He sent me an electric breast pump and asked me to pump every day, and it did have an effect. He admitted later that had He lived nearby He would have slipped me hormones because He wanted to subtly fem me but not transform me. He also wanted me to produce milk.

Simmed? Rucked?

This is an old survey, a lot has changed in 11 years, so i didn't really find an answer that fits. i haven't discussed status i a long time, but always put in my profile that i am "poz undetectable." i suspect i miss out on more that way, but if a guy is going to wanna discuss it, he's probably not going to eat me i the first place. And it's 2021, if someone is still using terms like "clean" to refer to HIV status, pretty sure i don't wanna hook with him.

The way it's phrased it reads to me that he is feeling insecure, not superior? If he qualifies that he is "into" you, then follows with "but you are out of my league." i'd ask him for clarification about what he means when he says that, especially if you like him, why not strengthen communication vs guessing at what he means? Especially if your exchange with him took place in writing, it's so easy to infer wrong things from written stuff, especially if we are feeling vulnerable and insecure.

i get the intimate and romantic angle. i have a deep desire to bond with a special someone and i think it is a natural Top/bottom drive to want to impregnate and be impregnated (conversely). That said, we are talking about a disease that is potentially deadly if one is not on meds. Getting HIV will not ensure an ongoing bond between the giver and receiver, but it will ensure an ongoing bond with a pharmaceutical company. There are lots of ways two guys can experience the insemination/impregation bond. Piss comes to mind. To me, a Tops piss is a second form of semen that He can seed and impregnate you with. If you hold a Tops piss inside of you, you will absorb it. When you pee, you will even smell His piss mixed with your pee. There are so many ways two guys can experience a natural bond... i don't think a disease is a good bonding choice.

i'm in the >1000 cock club and i'd estimate probably 75% of them have been anonymous walk in, about 20% anonymous from various causing places like parks, restrooms, truck stops, and about 5% from regular fuck buddies. my ideal would have been a high sex drive, kinky Husband, but that hasn't happened to date. i have a lot of pent up kinky desires that would require ongoing trust and relationship, not things that generally happen from a one time hook up. To me, pretty much anything a Top wants to use or put or leave in me constitutes His "cock" and 'seed." For me, it a Tops energy and drive, desire and need that i connect with, so i am pretty wide open when it comes to kink, and have experienced a fair amount with fuckbuddies. The 75% walk in sex has been exactly that. An ad on CL when it was around, or from pre arranged conversation on a hook up site. i have almost never seen the guy fucking me because i am always laying face down and naked on my bed, door unlocked for Him. i cannot count the number of cocks and loads i have taken this way. Some may consider that "adventurous," but to me it has been my normal sex life.

in m experience, regular dicking fixes any hemorrhoids i may have. For me, It does depend on the Top. An experienced Top knows how to mold a bottoms hole and if He wants to gape or rosebud His bottoms hole, then thats going to happen. But i have found when a Top uses lube ad takes His time opening my hole, pushing on it from the sides, the molding process is more one of opening me. If He is fucking me on a regular basis like this, my hole becomes a slash, and then is always slightly relaxed and receptive. i've never ended up permanently gaped, but i have had my hole turned into something that more resembled and functions as a pussy than as an asshole, made more for penetration than retention. i have found regular cock in this way presses any hemorrhoids i may back in. Not into my hole, but subcutaneous from where they came. Pressing them in vs friction or rubbing them without lube in an out sort of like pulling on them. Hemorrhoids come from pushing out, straining, and receiving cock, i have found for me can reverse that and push them back in.