tallslenderguy

i tend to be the same, i.e., i only go for Total Tops. Not that i have anything against versatile guys as long as they accept that there is such a thing as a Total Top or total bottom. i've been burned so many times by guys who are convinced that since they are versatile, everyone else must be too. It's really strange to me that there are guys who will accuse you of being selfish because you don't top? To me that's sort of like a woman telling a gay guy he's selfish because he doesn't wanna have sex with her lol. i say "tend" because every once in awhile, i meet a versatile Man who accepts me for who i say i am and doesn't try to get me to top. i;ve had a few fuck buddies who were versatile and it was great, they only hook with me when they are needing to Top. Just random hook ups though, i tend to steer clear, never approach a versatile guy and am wary if they approach me. my profiles are very clear that i'm total bottom, but so many out there do not read or have reading comprehension issues. So, unfortunately there seems need for a vetting process, which is not always reliable and can be tedious. Generally, i find anyone identifying as "Total Top" as much less complicated to hook with, and the energy is better for both of us. less worry about each getting what they want/need once we are together because it's clear up front.

Thank You for starting this thread hntnhole. i don't have a dark room near me, so don't really get to experience that. The closest i have to that is an ABS. i have experienced where a guy will go through ad close booth doors on either side of a booth i or another is in to make them look occupied and heard guys in his direction? It blows my mind and mood when there is a guy with energy like that. i don't see it as competitive, but as selfish and immature. This is obviously someone who does not rely on his own merits. Mostly though, i think guys like that are missing a major point, are unseeing and disconnected from the Man attached to the Cock. my only criteria for receiving cock is the desire has to be mutual. i cannot relate to wanting to push a Mans cock into me because Him wanting to penetrate me is a big part of me presenting and being available for Him. my desire has a dependence on His desire, that's part of the magic of it. If it's not mutual, might as well get a dildo and fuck myself (not gonna happen lol).

"CAR T-cell therapy currently in UC Davis Health clinical trial study as potential cure for HIV In efforts to search for an alternative option to life-long treatment, UC Davis Health has commenced a study testing the efficacy of Chimeric Antigen Receptor T-cell Therapy (CAR T-cell Therapy) and its potential as a cure for HIV. CAR T-cell therapy involves the removal of a patient’s immune system’s T-cells and genetically modifying them to recognize and attack HIV-afflicted cells in the host. Dr. Mehrdad Abedi, a professor of internal medicine, hematology and oncology at UC Davis Health and the principal investigator of the study, further explained the process in administering CAR T-cell therapy to a patient. “For this study, we will educate the cells by inserting a gene to target cells that have been infected by the HIV virus,” Abedi said. “The idea is these modified cells will attach to the HIV-infected cells and destroy the cells that are infected while also stopping the infected cells’ ability to replicate.” " can read the whole article here: [think before following links] https://theaggie.org/2022/04/18/car-t-cell-therapy-currently-in-uc-davis-health-clinical-trial-study-as-potential-cure-for-hiv/

i get impregnated by so much of what You write and express. Guys who don't get this must think me crazy, but i know You get it. From my side of the fuck, i see it more as a maturity thing with Men who relish connection and the power position They can have. In some respects, i think it is just as practical as You state, that it is a matter of education and learning a skill set (practice makes perfect lol). Personally, there is a part of me that is disappointed for my Top when He doesn't realize HIs full potential. On the other hand, i really am grateful and happy for any cock i get. i've had Guys who were so ramped and turned on that they came as soon as they slide in. i think that would disappoint me if that's all i ever got, but it's a beautiful part of the mix. i think the saying: "knowledge is power," is fitting here. The more a Man knows about how to possess a bottom, the greater the bond and His ownership. To me, the more powerful form of "bondage" has nothing to do with ropes.

Not to split hairs, but turns out that a "g-spot" is something only women have (technically called the "Grafenberg Spot"). Only men have what has come to be called the "p-spot" (the prostate). i think it's an in your face fact, to those who think it wrong for a man to receive cock, that a man has an erogenous zone that can cause intense pleasure and an orgasm if fucked a particular way. Maybe strangely, my own experience with my p-spot has given me more understanding of women, and i think it's something that blurs the lines between gender roles. The longer i live, the more inseparable a Mans physical Cock becomes from what i think of as His psychological or inner Cock. To me, the latter is the need, energy, drive behind His physical Cock. i've been seeing a Man the last several months who had ED. He believed it was psychological, though it was difficult for Him to unravel. As a total bottom, i confess it was hard for me to not have the connection of not getting fucked and bred by Him, but i decided up front to hang with Him for awhile, taking Him at face value when He told me His cock still worked physiologically. He even got Trimex, a very expensive ED med that is injected into the cock with a needle. It never worked when we were together. i kept it light and encouraging, not wanting to add to His angst. A big part of what kept me going was His inner Cock, it was big and fertile. The last time we were together (i live in OR and He lives in CA), the damn broke for me. It was night 2 of a 4 day visit and i was straddling Him my ass in HIs face. He loves the visual and opening and eating my "pussy." While that was happening, HIs cock got hard and would have been perfect for fucking, but He just kept eating me out, and it started to go soft after about 5 minutes. But He was getting more turned on by my pussy and started masturbating His cock while eating me out and then came that way. That frustrated the fuck out of me, while He was in a state of bliss. He sensed my frustration and asked, and i let lose and told Him how frustrated i was never having had His cock in me and seeing His seed wasted that way. He got defensive at first, but we talked it out and it was a good discussion. i wasn't blaming Him, i was just frustrated by my own need for Cock. Strangely, the next morning He woke with a hard on, turned me on my side and slid in for the first time. He fucked me all day, on and off, pissing in me twice and coming once. That both turned me on and mellowed me, i got what i needed and He took a sort of possession of me that happens when i receive a Mans whole Cock and pleasure inside of me. my point of sharing that is to attempt to explain the connection of the psychological and physical. i was married to a woman for a long time and learned how to give her both clitoral and g-spot orgasms. She much preferred the g-spot orgasm and would literally grab and shove me inside of her when i was going down on her and she started coming clitorally. i came to realize she always wanted me inside of her when she came. Even more, our sex life reached a point where she didn't care as much about her orgasm and it was important for her that i "just take" her. I.e., she needed my drive/energy/need/desire, my inner cock as well as my physical one. That, unfortunately, was not something i could conjure as a gay bottom. i could go through the mechanics of sex and fulfill her physical need, but not her inner pussy. After we divorced and i was exclusively bottom and gay, i started to realize how similar i was sexually to my former wife. That both my physical and psychological sexuality is dependent on a Man (and vice versa i think, i see it as ideally symbiotic). i have experienced p-spot orgasms, and i am surprised with how similar they are to what i have experienced with a woman. There seems to be more of a psychological element (at least for me) with a p-spot orgasm. i've had guys hit it over and over and come close, but not. Then i have had guys hit it and at the same time He was in my head and fuckig me there as well and i came uncontrollably from it. i've tried to replicate the experience with dildos, nope. i don't use dildos on myself at all anymore, i'm just too much of a bottom to even be able to fuck myself lol. idk, i don't pretend to have it all figured out, but there is a connection and energy that has accompanied my times of cumming from being fucked, like i have a psychological and physical p-spot. Having experienced it, i don't even wanna cum from having my penis touched, it's a disappointment and feels wrong, like a compromise? And i have wondered if this is how women feel, when their pleasure is dependent on their partner? When it happens, and the Top is present both physically and psychologically, whether i cum or not, sex for me is pillow biting good and fulfilling. sorry, that was a ramble.

Since this is a health forum, i guess i'll be the odd man out and interject some health info on this topic for anyone interested lol. There are some particular STI's one can contract from this activity. This is purely meant to be informative, not judging, i've taken lots of cocks after they've been in my or another ass. "Amebiasis is transmitted primarily by the fecal-oral route, most commonly from contaminated drinking water or by unsanitary food handling. E. histolytica is often found in the stool of homosexual men and is the most common intestinal parasite seen in gay communities throughout the world. Sexual behavior such as analingus or fellatio after anal-genital intercourse can lead to infection." here's the link and more info [think before following links] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2780057/

i think this is an Interesting question. my journey has had me in both positions. Grew up in a gay repressive/oppressive religious culture and ended up married, to a woman, as a result. i've learned a lot from my experiences, particularly how individual we all are, though we may have many things 'grossly' in common. i love/loved my former wife, but we were decidedly mismatched in several ways. Sexually, we were both bottoms with some sub thrown in. i assumed the "position" i was conditioned to take, i.e. top. i look at my former marriage as a sort of prison experience (my conditioned beliefs were the "prison"). In prison, straight guys will get into sexual, and even romantic, relationships with other men. i think it's not because they are gay, or wired for sex or romance with another man, but they are wired for sex and romance, and men are all that's available, so it happens. Similarly, i came to realize that i am not wired top, but i was wired for sex, so i assumed the "position," even though it was not natural for me. Part of me enjoyed, and even needed that, but it's sort of like drinking your own pee in the desert, it's no substitute for the water you truly need. Over time, forcing myself to top really fucked with me psychologically. Even though i cheated and got fucked by Men on the side, one did not compensate for the other. In fact, it added to the problem. i hated lying and cheating, i was caught in dissonance of believing the conditioning that i could change and not need a Man. Since i woke up and accepted myself for who i am, i have been pretty much exclusively bottom. There have been a few occasions where i have bred another guy, but it's a rarity. i've found that i don't even need to ejaculate to be sexually satisfied and fulfilled. When i am receiving enough orgasms inside of me from a Man, i am happy, fulfilled and satisfied as a bottom. i don't think i have ever really changed "positions" in my life, not inwardly, just outwardly... but it wasn't who and how i am.

i think it depends on what kind of connections are most important to You. Are You looking for lots of anonymous sex? Move to a place that has a sex shop with lots of activity, often next to an interstate freeway. You can find those just about anywhere and internet culture doesn't really come into play. i have consistently gotten sex in a booth in a sex shop, not unusual to get fucked 4 or 5 times in an hour in a busy sex shop. Of course, that is an environment that is focused on sex alone, so if you want more, than that is only part of the equation. If You are looking for an active gay community in addition to sex, i'd suggest Palm Springs. Estimates are about 40% of the population is gay. There are several "gay resorts" there, as well as the usual sex shops. Though PS has experienced the same real estate increases as the rest of the country, there is a broad range of housing cost. i live in a small town in Oregon and considered moving there before Covid hit, i could make a lateral move when it comes to housing cost. If You are a renter, there are tons of rentals in PS, it's condo city. Lot's of people buy condos as an investment, so there are lots of rentals. Taxes, gas and other costs can be high in CA. You are also close to San Diego, Mexico and Los Angeles. i fly to PS a couple of times a year and often fly into SD or LA and drive to PS if air fair is cheaper. 2 hours from SD, 1 hour from Oontario airport in LA.

Depends on the "deal." It's not a moral issue with me, life is full of health risks, i cannot rationalize the moral superiority of one risk over another. After all, i take Mens semen and piss into my body and relish it, and love them for the connection. i also got HIV that way and have had my share of STD's. i don't think my desire can rationally trump someone else's. That said, cigarettes are not my vice of choice. i'm a critical care nurse and have had my share of COPD and heart patients who's disease was related to smoking. Not being able to breath is an awful way to be in my opinion, so i'd hate to have a lover in that place (would feel to much like work, like them being a patient), and i know too much about the disease, it would eat at me to see someone i love in that place. i did hear a surprising number, i believe derived from Lancet, a respected British medical journal, that only 15% of smokers develop COPD. i would have thought the number much higher. Of course, that's just one disease, there's cancer, vascular, heart diseases too. So, for me, i'd rather eat pizza or prime rib than smoke. Possibly just as deadly, but tastes better to me. i'd hook with a smoker, no problem, but would likely not get into a romantic tangle with a smoker. A smokers desire, need cum or piss is just as wonderful and valuable to me as another Mans.

Not sure i can add anything new to this discussion. For me it's about mood and perspective. if i'm in the mood for sex right now and i go to an app to try and find a hook up, i'm not going to want to spend a lot of time flirting and chatting with someone who is not nearby and accessible. Of course, with apps, proximity is no guarantee of actual physical connection. Consider all the discussions we have had on frustration with flakes on apps, and that's with guys who are 10 minutes away. i may get more connection from the guy in London than i do from the guy around the corner, depending on the guy. And for me, that would be the point, some from of connection. Sex for me is not all physical. It's got a huge component of psychosexual need/desire attached to it as well. i have been 'penetrated," (and frankly, "bred") by a Mans desire/need, on more occasions than i can count, with 'just words.' Is that all i need/want? Nah, but it is definitely a part of what i need/want, i think we often miss out on getting some of what we desire/need because of an all or nothing approach. I've had some very sweet connections that were not all inclusive packages. i may not always fully get what i need want, but in the absence of His physical presence, having a Mans emotional presence still carries a lot of weight for me (and, apparently, Him when He pursues it). Typically, if i need the physical connection of sex right now, i'm not on an app, i'm physically somewhere where i can get it.

i cannot feel a Mans semen when He ejaculates. i know some can, but i cannot honestly say i can feel His actual semen when it leaves His cock and enters me. There can be other signs for me when He has an orgasm, sometimes i can feel the swelling of HIs cock before He cums, or the difference in His breathing, some Mens cocks spasm, and some Men make it evident in Their expressions and demeanor. But some also seem to almost hide Their orgasm and keep fucking through it. i can usually tell after He takes His cock out, though i always hold His seed in and want to absorb it. i received a FB's semen this morning, and He's one of those silent cummers who seems to be perpetually cumming and excited while fucking. He tells me He usually cums a few times while fucking me, and if the amount of semen He leaves in me is an indication, i have no reason to doubt Him. i have to tighten my grip to hold His seed inside of me when He has not seeded me deep, which He's capable of. Sometimes i finger myself after to see how much, and know He cums a lot from that... mostly i just bask in the heat of the whole fuck. i cannot feel the actual semen going in, but often can afterwards, and it has a distinct feel if it begins to work it's way out. It also leave me wonderfully slippery inside. The act of breeding with seed is very different for me. There's a primal drive and need, then the ecstatic climax of orgasm where His orgasm leaves His body and enters mine. That's amazing an unique to me, some of what separates it from pissing. A big difference is He has to fuck in order to cum, to seed with semen, to orgasem. With pissing, it seems opposite to me. He has to rest ("restroom?") relax. i've experienced some Men who can piss while actually fucking, but most have to be very still and relax vs thrust. All the words associated with pissing come to my mind here. The act of pissing is 'relieving" Himself vs pleasuring. Pissing has elements that semen does not. No one is conditioned to think of semen as waste, but pretty much everyone thinks of piss as waste. So to me there is a connection that can happen that cannot with semen. i.e., i value You so much that even Your waste is precious stuff for me, that Your need to relieve Yourself, and desire to relieve Your self in me, is a unique connection. Do it repeatedly, it becomes a bond... which is similar to semen for me. i can absolutely feel when a Man is pissing in me, it seems almost immediately and regardless of the quantity. And that is a fucking amazing feeling on more levels and in more ways than i can adequately express. His aura when depositing His waste in me and His knowing i want it, is different than seed deposit. It's another layer of possession. Also, depending on how much He has to piss, i can feel it filling me. Some Men have that understanding too and will reach under to feel and rub my belly as a sort of additional penetration, making me really feel the impregnation, and Him being able to relish and underline what He has done. It's sort of like Him giving and enema with His piss, which is naturally going to evoke peristalsis that, there's a definite power He is exercising over my insides, and some Men know and love that. That doesn't happen with the small quantity of semen. There's so much to this.

Another entry in the ongoing saga of me learning and becoming a more skilled piss drinker. One of the thoughts i had this weekend is, for me, it's a different form of penetration and impregation that is happening. With semen, there is the fuck drive and climax where a Man "shoots" or "ejaculates" His seed. With piss, it's almost an opposite form of release/relief where He relaxes vs drives and He flows vs shoots. i can see the potential, the more skilled i get at it, and experienced the aspect of Him flowing into me. Oh fuck, how HOT is that? This weekend, i had two more opportunities with the same Man. i'm more bottom than sub, but i have a deep seated and decided sub side to me. It's not immediately evident or accessible like my bottom side. Basically, all a Man needs to access my bottom nature (and hole) is His desire/need to fuck and breed-and i'm instantly there. my sub side only responds to a particular type of Dom/Top. Which is not to disparage anyone, i just know myself and how i am. i never want to come off as sounding like i think who and how i am is a universal standard of any sort. The short explanation is i shut down with force, meanness or bullying. The guy i was with this weekend is not my idea of a complete Top/Dom, or his idea of one either. He identifies as "versatile" and "switch" (respectively). He is really able to stay in Top nature with me, so He is a rarity in that respect and we have great connection/bond. At one point this weekend He told me He had to piss and asked if i wanted it. i said "yes" and He had me follow Him into His shower where i kneeled and received His cock. As before, i was surprised that quantity and stream were not a big issue for me, i am getting that part down pretty well. Again, it was taste that ended up overwhelming me and He finished pissing in the shower. But i was able to take more this time, and it was only my second time taking piss orally, and He was pleased, so i was pretty happy. (i've take lots of piss in my ass, and that is never a problem. i'm a total anal slut when it cums to piss, i've even slept with a Mans piss in me overnight). The second time this weekend He told me He had to piss and again asked if i wanted it. He was completely considerate, not pushy at all, just making His need and desire known. i wanted to. Even though the thought of taste gave me pause, my desire to be able to receive His desire and need was stronger, so i said "yes." This time we went into His bathroom and He asked me to sit on the floor with my face next to HIs toilet. Fuck, that was a great move on His part, He got into my head. This was my third time receiving Piss from a Mans cock orally and i was able to receive more. i'd say it was easily a cup and a half? Maybe about 350-400 mL? But He had a lot, and i am learning His piss is always strong. He thinks it's because He takes a lot of supplements. Strong, pungent piss is awesome when it's in the ass, it really impregnates and i can smell His scent when it mixes with me and i pee it out. It's a sort of birthing experience. Not the same with drinking though, though it was Hot smelling HIs piss on my breath. He had about the same amount left as what i drank. He finished pissing in the toilet with my face right there, me watching. It was a great mind fuck because i ended up being envious of the toilet. i know i'll be able to do more, maybe all, next time.

One of the most difficult and frustrating parts of working in healthcare is having to satisfy the demands of disconnected, and largely ignorant, bureaucrats/bureaucracy. They often seek to dictate how we provide care as though the healthcare provider is a remote control device. Often, "those who cannot do, teach." i'm part of a union, a whole different topic, and am always begging that we use our collective power to gain a seat on the board. Those who provide care should not have to settle for concessions, they should have policy decision making power. Or vice versa, those making policy should have to regularly do the work they are expecting others to do, they need to experience first hand what actual care giving involves. As it exists now, those who make policy are far removed from the process of care. They are buffered from reality by middle management. Middle management has to implement policy that they have no say in making. It's a system that guarantees disconnect. i come from an executive management background. i have run businesses using a democratic consensus model that worked well. i switched lanes in 2010, went to school and got a BSN and became a bedside critical care nurse. i understand both sides of the coin experientially. i have been asked by my peers to apply for management positions, and have declined, for the reason you state. The corporate model needs to be scrapped. It's a sort of Matrix that, as you note "swallows you whole." One can make a difference, but it is individual and piecemeal. There is a lot of unrealistic expectation and notions about healthcare. The greatest, i think, is the notion that we are "healers." Sort of, i guess. But really we, more more often than not, try to nudge or direct the body in a particular direction against a disease, and the body either heals itself or not. And that is a hugely complex process, much of which remains unknown and invisible. i've had 96 year old who was 'found down' three days after breaking a hip. They were altered mental status, septic, with renal failure. They left 4 days later, mostly restored to health. So much of what we do is "wait and see." Some times kidney function comes back, some times it doesn't. Some times heart function comes back, some times it doesn't. And, we do not always know until we try. i think that is where there is a lot of failure in the system, the notion that we know what an outcome will be... or the expectation from the patient or family that we know that, when we often do not. People google and assume expertise based on a youtube vid or an article they read. They expect us to explain things that take years of education and experience to grasp. The bottom line is, trust is a huge component of healthcare.

A few thoughts. i'm s Star Trek fan and it always makes me smile when "Bones" (the doctor in the original series) makes comments about medical care from our era, usually something like "It's barbaric." We do the same, think of some of the medical procedures performed on the battlefield during war in the 19th century for example. my point is, healthcare is a finite process approaching an infinite universe. That's how i see the human body, as an infinite universe. We know a lot more now than we did in 1890, knowledge that makes us shake our head about our former ignorance. In the year 2122, we'll likely look back on 2022 and shake our head about our former ignorance. i don't think anyone practicing healthcare consciously can have a "god complex." "God," presumably, is all knowing. Don't have to be in health care long to realize how little we know in the grand scheme of things. Which is not to discount what we know, we do know a lot, but it's not much when put in the context of infinity. i often tell my patients: "we kill ants with elephant guns." Sepsis protocol is a great example of that. A patient comes in with signs and symptoms of sepsis. We draw blood for cultures, then administer fluids and broad spectrum antibiotics. The antibiotics is a sort of scorched earth approach. We're likely only after one particular pathogen, but we don't know what it is, so we give broad spectrum (elephant gun) that'll kill everything. It usually takes a couple of days before cultures help us pull back and customize a more specific med. Even then, we don't always identify the specific pathogen, just general traits like: anaerobic gram negative rods. Healthcare is replete with that kind of example. Cancer treatment involves a vast array of toxins we call medicine. i think we often make the mistake of equating extension of life with extending quality of life. The opposite is often the case. We often extend life at a great cost to quality of life. Heart failure and end stage renal disease are common examples of this, where we have the meds and technology to keep the body alive, but the life we preserve bears little resemblance to life prior to the disease. But in the bigger picture, it's part of progress. Look how many people suffered and died of AID's because of HIV, and now most can live out a relatively 'normal' life when infected. Many people do get better and return to 'normal' life. But i suspect there will always be the in between group where we still do not know enough to get them back to where they were. my last rotation (i work on a critical care unit), i had a former nurse as a patient. He was in bad shape. 81 years old, COPD, acute kidney failure on chronic kidney disease, <20% EF on his echo cardiogram. His lungs sounded like a perpetual train wreck, and his coughing fits left me breathless just hearing them. He knew cognitively that he was in bad shape, but emotionally he was not ready to give up. He actually wanted to get his drivers license back (yikes!). So, i worked with him. got him up, took him for walks, gave him the little things that gave him hope, respite. i look to love and help patients in the moment, improve their momentary condition. i touch and interact with them a few days of their life, i try to not just look at their disease, but the whole person. That's hard to do, and i often fail. The system we work within pushes us to be task oriented, it's hard to be holistic. We really never know which moment will be a persons last, can we make it better somehow?

To me, every format of cruising in person, be it sauna, bathhouse, restroom, park, ABS, etc., beats out internet aps every time. i suspect there's a whole segment of guys who are on aps who never show up at a physical hook up site, i.e flakes who have no intention of hooking up in the first place? idk, probably isn't 100% the case, but i think there are guys who are afraid and just fantasizing on aps that either aren't ready or never had any intention of actually going through with sex. i have had guys get scared at cruising places, but not nearly like aps. Nothing is perfect, but i'll take cruising in person over an ap any day.

Looking up the definition of "fetish" gets a few results, this is from the Oxford dictionary: fet·ish /ˈfediSH/ Learn to pronounce noun 1. a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. "Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots" 2. an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit. i make a distinction between "fetish" and "kink." i have lots of kinks. my kinks are an integral part of my desires/needs, and a lot of them would not fall into the "normative" category, so i guess they could be considered "abnormal," but my gratification is not "linked to" any of them "...to an abnormal degree"? I.e., i do not 'need' them to experience gratification, but they definitely enrich my life. Where my kinks are important and have power is when they are mutual with a corresponding opposite person (i.e., with a Top in my case). I think that may be where the primary distinction is between a fetish and kink? At least it is for me. To me, it seems a fetish can exist independently from another person, it's more of an object, whereas my kinks are dependent. E.g., i have a WS kink, but it is dependent on a Top who has a similar and equal desire/need. For me, they serve as means or conduits of connection and bonding... and their inclusion is usually a deeper experience for me, maybe because they are not normative? Their rarity makes them more precious? Toys are another example for me. i have a drawer full of them, but they rarely get used for lack of a Top to use them with me. To me, if i had fetishized them, they'd have an energy from me where i could use them on myself for gratification. But that is not the case. They are useless in my hands. On the 'other hand,' or in a Tops hands, they can be imbued with His energy, desire and need and become an extension of Him. my kinks do have an aura of mystery to them, as far as where they come from or how i get/got them? For me though, the major component is connection with an opposite (i.e."Top") Man's desire/need. The mystery part is the need/desire (i.e., kink) has to be mutual. Drinking piss from the tap would be an example of a developed kink for me, but not one i had innately? I.e., i have no innate desire to drink or teste piss. However, drinking piss from a Mans cock is hugely enticing to me, to the point i am learning the skill and overcoming my distaste of piss and fear of being overwhelmed by quantity. I don't completely understand my kink with this. i know it's associated with marking, insemination, impregnation, degradation/humilation (of an affectionate nature, not mean or bullying), and any or all of those have to be present needs/desires in the Top for it to work. But you can take those same desires/needs in a Top, expressed through Sadism, and i don't connect. Even though i have the same desires/needs for "marking, penetration, insemination, impregnation, humilation/degradation, etc.," they don't present with every kink. For instance, CBT will shut me down, no matter how much the Top needs/desires it. Some kinks can use those needs as a gateway, others cannot, and that's the mysterious part for me.

i agree. i usually catch absolutist claims i make and edit them out. In a sense, i think what we are discussing. We can recondition when we turn normative pejoratives, that have been glued to us and our sexuality, into fuel and affirmation, Another case in point is the religious notions. i used to feel condemned by "God," but have not felt that way for a long time. It's not rebellion or ignoring, but a true change of feeling. It took a lot of processing to change that, but it happened. Ironically, the religious system that conditioned me also aided me in that process. It made unreasonable and unrealistic demands of change, and thereby isolated me with "God," and over time, i found that my feelings and notions of "God" were a human construct. What is real for me, and i think for many of us, is my sexual nature. Opposites attract in nature, connect, bond and form new compound. For me, when a Top does this He is exercising our opposite nature and bonding. He's impregnating me and making something awesome, not destroying or tearing down.

i've long considered the paradox of degradation/humilation/[banned word] that many of us are erotically excited by, as well as feeling connected and bonded with guys who use them. The contradiction is glaring when a guy uses terms like 'worthless,' while making the effort of seeking you out and putting his cock in you because he gets pleasure from you. i've come to believe that the contradiction is because of cultural conditioning. Many (most?) of us have grown up in, or long lived in 'normative' culture/s that consider being gay as "less than, perverted, sinful, broken, deviant, etc., etc.." Terms associated with being gay, or associated with gay sex, become slurs, derogatory, insulting, in normative culture. For me, it's not just "the things men say that get me going," but how they say them. i don't want anything to do with mean men or bullies, i may politely decline sex with them, but inside i am raging, not against them, but against the hateful, (self) loathing (conditioned) energy/attitude/emotion. On the other hand, when i see the lust/need in a Mans eyes, expressions, and His desire to be with me is obvious and evident to both of us, those degrading/humiliating terms become affirming-for both of us- and a powerful means of connection and bonding. i have come to think of it as "affectionate degradation/humiliation." For me, there are few things more powerful. We cannot help the emotions that have been conditioned into us. Our cognitive brain may know better or differently, but our feelings do not always follow our reason or rational beliefs or knowledge. The difference between "affectionate" vs "loathing" is, the affectionate attitude is affirming to who and how we are and is an in-your-face: "fuck you," to the culture that conditioned those feelings into us. To me, the "loathing" attitude is acquiescence, from both Top and bottom, to the ethnocentric hate and ignorance that conditioned those feelings. For me, it's not what is said, but how it is said that either gets me going, or gets me gone.

i find most hook up aps/sites have a box you can check for HIV status. On dating sites, or those that are designed more for relationship, i always put "poz-undetectable" in my profile or tell anyone who asks. If i'm at a sex club or cruising location, i answer if asked, but cannot remember the last time any asked my status. With the dating sites, i am surprised how much ignorance there is about HIV, still a lot of guys stuck in the 80's when it comes to HIV, it amazes me how many guys still use terms like "clean" or state: "HIV negative and plan to stay that way." lol, the only absolute, fool proof plan i know of for remaining unexposed is no sex.

For me, "mind control" can be one of the most profound factors in an ongoing Top/bottom relationship. For me, it cannot be a one size fits all situation. I.e., not just anyone can have that with me. i participate in a BDSM discussion forum, primarily straight people, but i have learned a lot and made some friends. One of the terms that gets bandied about a lot is "insta-dom," and i think the same idea can be applied to sub guys, i.e., that here are "insta-subs" as well. It's pretty much a self descriptive term. i cannot count the number of guys who have contacted me when i mention in a profile that "i have a sub side." i stopped putting the word "sub" in profiles because the term needs a lot of unpacking for me. Very few can actually access that part of me, it's requires communication and connection, not just a presumptuous, generic approach. Really, communication and connection is key for me. For me, sexual control is something i give, not something someone can take. Bullies and force might just get you back kicked into the next state lol. i've encountered a couple of hook ups who presumed to try it and they backed down very fast from my almost automatic response. i was at a sex club once and a guy straddled me and pinched my nipples really hard, he almost intantly found himself on the floor with me straddling him and a look of shock on his face. i have a pretty strong survival instinct surrounding my "sub" nature lol. But if trust is built and with a mature (in nature, not age) Top/Dom, "mind control" can enter in, but is the pinnacle of a relationship for me, the ultimate expression of the Top/bottom dynamic. i see it more as "mind fuck" where a Man penetrates, inseminates and impregnates, not just my body, but my soul. But for me it has to be a mutual process, not an automatic response. To me, those who operate that way are doing "role play," just acting, "playing." This is very real for me... and those who i have experienced it with see it the same. The most intimate bonds i have ever experienced and, as you note, much more "powerful," engage and blend the body, mind and emotions in both concerned, not the body alone.

A rosebud doesn't have to be permanent. i've had a few Tops who created one with me, which for me is the way to get one. i don't particularly love or hate them, but get turned on by it when my Top does. i do draw the line at prolapsing though (for me). i've had patients who had some real issues with prolapse, so i stick with rosebud. The first time i got one, i didn't even know i had one until my Top took a pic and showed it to me. i thought He was just enjoying my hole. He used His cock, fingers, dildos and was going in and then pulling out. He spent most of His time rimming me and eating me out though. He was really good at it and relaxed me and opened me up and slowly sucked and created a rosebud. For me, the "slowly" part was key. There are Tops who, to me, are impatient and immature and want instant everything, then there are Tops who luxuriate in Their power and position. That kind of Top builds trust, and for me, that is part of the process of Him being able to open and shape not only my hole, but my 'internal' hole too. It's not that it takes forever either, it's an attitude, disposition, not so much a time thing.

Kissing definitely has a mysterious side for me. i'll pretty much take any Mans cock/load if He wants/needs to penetrate me. i've had >1000's of cocks. i can practically count the number of guys i've kissed though. And i love to kiss. There has to be an attraction with kissing that does not have to be there with sex, but i'm not quite sure i know what the attraction consists of? i think there is a visual element, but it's not all of it, or even most. idk. i have a deeply romantic side that does not have to be in play with sex, but does need to be there with kissing. When kissing, it's essential that the guy be present, not just going through the motions. Guys who learned to kiss watching porn, and are reenacting a scene are a total turn off for me. As are guys who initiate a kiss by trying to swallow my entire face at one time or shove their entire face into my mouth? That's why god invented cocks? i know, that's just a personal thing. i know some use their tongue like it's a cock, which is great if they are rimming. For me, my mouth is different from my hole, and kissing is different from fucking. i think some don't make that distinction and instead of kissing with their mouth, they fuck with it.

There's some great ones listed. Ditto: guys who say they are on their way, but likely don't even leave their house. Guys who do not read a very explicit profile, or ignore what it says?, and ask questions that have already been answered or ask me to fuck them when i have already clearly stated i don't top. Guys who tell me how much they wanna fuck, but end up having ED. i get that it happens, and i am never mean to someone when it does... always positive and encouraging. But i have had guys repeatedly contact me wanting to fuck, but who never actually get hard enough to do so? i'll do a repeat with guys who may have not been able to get hard, but if it's a ongoing issue? There are some guys out there who are in denial of having ED, and it's frustrating when they make others a victim of their wishful thinking.

We all have to make our own decisions, it's your life and i would not presume to try an impose my notions on anyone, or make them universal. That said, and since you are asking. i question if the guy you are with is "a perfect guy" (for you)? Personally, i see nothing wrong with an open relationship, but to me, cheating is just that: "cheating." It's hiding and lying about who you are and what you want/need. "Perfect" means complete, but your relationship is not complete, you are leaving out parts of your self with your partner. You are presenting an image, not your true or whole self, so your relationship is not perfect or complete. To me, if you want whole or complete ("perfect"), you need to be with a person you can be your whole or complete self with, and you really do not have him to "lose," nor does he have you.

Taking cocks is sort of like having a BM in reverse. I.e., instead of something coming out, something is going in. i don't think it's the size of the cockgoing in that has more permanent effect, but the actual fucking. Stool just comes out whereas a cock is going in and out and in and out, repeatedly. It's pretty resilient down there, made for a lifetime of opening and closing. i don't think there's a standard answer because everyone treats their hole differently. Some wanna get a hand in there and work on permanent stretch. i suspect if you are just sticking to cock, even though they come in all sizes, probably not going to make permanent alterations to your hole any time soon, but again, i think it's going to depend on factors like what you take, how often, how much you stretch it, how long you stretch it (plugs) and how you stretch it (i.e., just cock? hands? toys? baseball bats? ) i had a FB and we got together about every 5 days for over a year. It took me several months before i realized He was purposefully opening/stretchig, reshaping, molding, my hole. He did it gradually. One day i realized that when i had to have a BM, i was not incontinent, but i felt a sense of urgency, sort of like the door is not closed and locked any more, maybe slightly ajar? i can easily squeeze my muscles there and hold it in, but i noticed that i had to make the effort to hold in where i didn't even think about it before. Bottom line (for me, and so to speak), my hole is permanently altered. It does tighten up over time if not being fucked, but never back to it's original state. For me, my hole has become better suited for penetration than for retention, and it's a slash now instead of a pucker. i'm a total bottom and have pretty much always been, had thousands of cocks and things in my hole. i'm not just a bottom physically, i'm a bottom psychologically too. i like realizing and feeling that my hole is better suited to being fucked than for eliminating waste. i think it's interesting how in the human body every sex organ is also a waste removal organ. Women have periods for 7 days every three weeks or so, and that's the body getting rid of waste from a fuck organ. i see my hole the same way, that a BM is sort of my version of a period. i like that sense of urgency i have when i have to go because it reminds me of all the Men who have shaped my hole and made it better suited to fucking than retaining or waste removal. i love the fact that it's a better sex organ for penetrating, waste removal is just a secondary function, not the primary or my focus.