hntnhole

To the OP though, I wasn't aware that they do .... Not that there's any way to tell if a guy is married to a woman or a man - a ring is a ring - but I doubt there are many het's on the dl at the fuckjoints - around here, anyway ....

I think you've got more company on that train than anyone can imagine. I'll go one further: I think those of us that were in relationships with women - legal or not - and subsequently not only heard the siren call, but answered it, are far more numerous than any passenger train could carry. I came close to falling for it, but fortunately I smelled the *real* coffee cooking in time, thank Whatever.

If he gets all his nominations through the committees, he'll get whatever filth he can dream up easily. When I hear others grousing about this or that, I just ask them ... who did you vote for? But, there's some small measure of hope - at least around here. The local Democratic Action Committee starts the first meeting of the year tonight, and yes - I will.

Sure they will - but I doubt he'll live that long. He's not taken care of himself at all - eats like a pig (meaning consuming that which normal human beings avoid), seems to think riding around in a heavy-duty golf cart is "exercise", coats his corpulence with orange substances, exercises only his mouth (braying stupidness and gobbling Big Macs). He can't carry a thought-train any farther than he could carry a real one. It's Vancy-pants that we need to be watching closely. I doubt the muskrat will be able to co-opt the Constitution quite as easily as he's co-opted the Presidency.

LOL .... Well, I get that sometimes it seems that way - lately more often than not, and it's only going to get worse. The president-Elect wants to buy Greenland from the Danes, thinks the Canadians would put up with becoming the 51st State, the Panamanians would gladly return the Canal, on and on. I don't ever want to hear about what "the polls" say about upcoming elections again (assuming we even get to keep having them, obviously ...)

"...but about faith in the process, faith in myself ..." Well said.

In the context of sexuality, I doubt that anything can "turn us into" something we otherwise wouldn't have become at some point anyway, given the ability to reason, feel, consider, sift through possibilities, all of that. Our ancient enemy - O.R.* - surely can't, since the ranks of the clergy across the spectrum of various sects are filled to the rafters with practicing gays/lesbians. Interestingly, that fact does however, illuminate our collective bent towards spirituality; our urge to connect with as many of our brothers as we possibly can. *Organized Religion

(per the above, I should add that I use a vpn for other reasons as well)

Yep .... Ft. L. has been a magnet for gay guys for decades, as well as Miami. The rest of the State, however is a very different story. There are places (off in the Everglades, for instance) here and there that could be called gay-ish, such as Vitambi Springs - a verrrrrry gay campground out in the swamps miles west of Ft. L. - but not much of a welcome-mat N of Ft. L. And, Maga Blargo, that architectural disgrace where the President-Elect has been holding court, is only a few miles north of here.

It took quite a while to reach the site today. Reloaded, all of that, changed the vpn location, on and on, and the site wouldn't come up. Finally though, it did (when I "moved" to Denmark) I don't know much about all the ways these things work, so I hope I remember what I did next time 🤔 I surely don't want it to become such an issue to even get here that I just don't bother. I did hear from friends that the State of Florida has prevented some websites from operating - apparently an old porn site - "PornHub" - is no longer available in FL. Apparently, the Vandals are arriving .....

To the OP, it's hardly surprising that plenty of men fall victim to cultural pressures as young men, and only later come to realize that all the locker room bravado when he was in high school was nothing more than a bunch of kids with not much of a clue. I wonder how many young men gave into the pressure to marry, and didn't have the courage to listen to their inner voice, (if they even knew it was there to listen to in the first place). It's no surprise to me at all that some years later, they do what they need to do. In the fuckjoints, no one gives a rats ass anyway.

"Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things." Phillip, the fact that you're even aware of these issues proves that you're "living up" to these issues. No one is born a "finished product". All of us have issues with this or that we need to work on. That's one of the foundational attributes of living; we get to reflect, alter course when appropriate, share our lives with another man (or men, depending on one's particular bent). Unless you were born in the Levant about 2K years ago (or fill in the blanks for any revered historical figure) you're already farther along in recognizing the questions than some ever realize. You don't need to be mesmerized by your other half's drawing; all you need to do is not be critical, and my guess is you're being more supportive that most of us would be. Giving him time/space is great. Taking time/space for your own interests is too. Relationships are essentially about giving, not taking. Humans need companionship on as deep a level as they can handle, a sense of sharing, giving love, receiving it, and everything else in-between. "I know it’s awful to say, but I feel like I can learn much faster on my own" No, it isn't awful to feel that way, nor to express it. The fact is, it's how you feel, and that's enough. There might be some functions he's able to accomplish better than you; so what? Each of you is an individual, and also a part of something together. You don't have to tear yourself up about being able to learn faster on your own. You only need to be patient enough with him to explain that kindly. You're not his nanny - you're his partner. There's a difference. "I keep asking myself if I’m doing enough, if I’m being the partner I should be." I think that all successful couples that have a few years under their respective belts experience feelings like that. 'Am I suffocating him?" - "Is he suffocating me"? - on and on. That's a good thing to experience, since it offers us a chance to take an updated measure of how our lives are unfolding. Some relationships last for decades, some don't. There's no right or wrong answer, there's only the answer that right for you and him. I hope your relationship matures into a magnificent pairing of soul-mates, as well as all the rest. If that's not in the cards, then I hope each of you finds what you truly need to maintain your balance for the duration. But bear in mind that no guy is 100% perfect - all of us need to 'make room' for our lover/partner(s). Having the depth of character to want to "do it right" is remarkable, in and of itself. I wonder how many guys on this site possess the same. "The hardest part is figuring out where these expectations come from. Are they mine, or are they ideas I’ve absorbed from the world around me?" As far as I can discern, they come from a constantly questioning mind. That mind appears to always be seeking a more productive way to get concrete answers, when sometimes there are none. We have to do the best we're able, as we're given the resources to discern that "best", and you've got a trunk-full of resources. It's a magnificent facet of our existence that we have the ability to question ourselves, and - when potential answers warrant - make alterations to our perceptions. That said, no one (in this plane of existence anyway) reaches 100% of their potential. There's always room for improvement. That's the cool thing about humanity; there's always room for improvement, when we indulge in enough introspection to realize that fact. It's good that you make all the efforts, but realize that perfection simply is a bridge to far in this plane of existence. When you're twice as old as whatever your age is, you'll still feel like there's more to make of your life. How's that for a fantastic reason to get up in the morning?

No, thanks. I've already done my duty in breaking in the new ones over the years. At this point, I want guys that know themselves, what they want & need, over and done with all the "coming out" issues. Other guys can break them in, and then send them over.

Exactly. Condoms are a barrier - they can prevent transmission of illnesses, and they absolutely prevent the "connection" that occurs when men share their dna with each other. Condoms can break however, which obviates their use in the first place. However; when men - singly or as a group - mate with each other, the thrill is exponentially enhanced when there are no physical barriers - the 'connection' made between men who fuck naturally is something that unites us into One. We're directly "connected" to those we've shared sex with, and indirectly "connected" to every man that has reached his own fulfillment, lives his life on his own terms, and joyfully shares his dna with many, many men. That connection with the universe of rawmen is ethereal, of course, but it's a source of confidence in ones self, in his brothers, and is very real when we accept that our minds are capable of tremendous things. Poets have been extolling the commonality of human beings since we crawled out of the swamps and lived in caves. I'm no poet, but I understand the "connection" that raw sex affords us.

I've been using a VPN for years now - anyone snooping around will think I've lived all over the world by now, unless they read certain individual entries in certain threads.

Thanks for starting this interesting facet of BZ; I hadn't known it was available.

☹️ I've been in "bug" prison for a while, but should be good to go again shortly. He damn well better let me outta the clink or I might kick his ratty balls out his rrrrrrrrrrasshole ....

Sure it matters. If the bottom wants to, then the Top can make that happen. If the bottom doesn't want to, the Top can make that happen also. Tops want the bottoms to get pleasure from the scene, (which, incidentally, can be almost anything), as long as it's dealt with and agreed upon in the required pre-scene negotiation when serious play is anticipated.

Well, I began to wonder when guys would applaud as I passed by ..... Then, at my next appt, the doc said I'd caught the clap ..... so that must have been the reason.

I believe that writing - committing thoughts to paper (or, in this case, the ether), helps us focus what might be called scattered thought-strains into a more structured format. It's a great way to focus. Plus, it helps if one's career was in the publishing business 😁.

Welllllllllll ...... chances are pretty good that I have a few more miles on me than you do 😄

It appears there's a rather strong undercurrent running through this topic and the responses, which is the reticence to accept one's innate nature before entering into a committed relationship. It doesn't matter whether it's a same-sex or opposite-sex relationship, or a mix of both. What matters is whether the individual that's "hearing the call" to something else had reached the ability to deal honestly with himself/herself first, and then with their partner. It's important to understand that there simply is no "fault" to be dished out. We are who we are, we need what we need, despite the cultural pressures to deny ourselves what we come to realize is a real need. That realization comes to some early, some later, and some never at all. The important thing is, when we do come to realize what our needs are, we share that information - that realization, with our loved-one. Some of the above guys are really suffering, and it's a terrible sorrow. We can't help how we're born, but we can learn to share that which can be shared with a loved one, and enjoy that shared part fully. That kind of arrangement however, must be founded in honesty, and trying to keep something as crucial as our sexuality under wraps is destructive to all concerned. So what to do? Share these concerns with your loved one(s). Allow them into your thoughts, your mind, as you sift through all the eventualities that may ensue. By allowing a partner into the vortex, one therefore demonstrates how trustworthy they are to you, their importance in your life, and that openness almost always is returned exponentially. Some of the above seems to imply that a guy is trying to carry this burden all alone, and that's regrettable. Some imply that they've had discussions with their partner, and that's a great credit to both the respondent and his partner. It doesn't guarantee a positive result, but it does guarantee an honest one. Thanks, you guys, for sharing your burdens with other guys that have gone through the same issues. Some of us know what you're going through, some of us don't, but we're all pulling for your success. The only really tragic result would be trying to bottle up the truth, in favor of some measure of cultural acceptance. No one deserves to live their lives like that.

Philip !!! Nice to see you're posting again ... Starting at the bottom, yes I have. It was mostly what I considered my duty, when my parents got old and sick. They lived 100 miles away, I had left the city where I grew up as soon as I possibly could, and only went back out of a sense of duty. Once I met my life-partner, even those occasions became scarce, and there was nothing (short of begging) they could do to injure me anymore. In other words, I thrived because I refused to accept negativity, thus removing anyone's ability to interfere with me running my life. Put another way, I managed to figure out that I knew better than anyone else what I needed out of my life. What seems different though, is you've found your "other half", but still allow your life to be interfered with, either directly by others, or via thoughts, impressions of your life foisted upon you by others. You don't need to spend time and energy on what others may or may not think. You've been through all of that, come out the other side, and know yourself. Depending on what you're calling "good", maybe, maybe not. Only you can determine that answer, as long as it's your answer, disassociated from anyone else's thoughts/comments. Ever since I left the burg where I grew up, I've lived in places where there was plenty of "action". So the lack of "always-available" action was something I purposely avoided, to this very day. "Was this really a good use of my time"? Of course it was, since you're fully aware of who you are and what you need out of life. Self-realization is a great accomplishment - pat yourself on the back. You're not married to a woman, with a passel of kids - you're with a man you love, he loves you, and he's accepted/endorsed your need for the thrill that occasional "outside" sex offers. The chance to "connect" deeply with your lusts, without any threat to your "homelife" what-so-ever. No, if none of those criteria were met (joy, duty, accomplishment, etc.), I simply stopped. When any particular act, pass-time, membership, whatever either ceases to please me in at least some way, or becomes a continuing burden, I stop doing it. I can't be a good friend to others if I won't be a friend to myself too. On the other hand, I wonder whether we can expect 'joy' to fill our every moment, either. "Life is just a bowl of cherries" is only a song sung by a really messed up lady years ago; we have to accept what comes. What matters is how we deal with it. Sounds to me like you've become a mature, well-grounded guy ... and thanks for your post.

I have a mirror on the opposite wall, so bottom can watch his Hole being used. And, there's a small stool conveniently placed, with a large (at least 1.5 " thick) threaded shaft to raise/lower the seat to the ideal position for the finest dining experiences. True, it would be ideal to mount the mirror on the ceiling, but I was afraid of the mirror slipping out of my hands when I installed it (I suppose no one else was around at the moment), so it's on a wall instead. With 4 or 5 guys standing around waiting their turn, the fuckee probably can't see much of himself, but - it's the best I have to offer. I can't recall any guy complaining .....

Glad you had a great time !!!