New Member, Boyfriend Recently Tested Poz

[sabercumreaver]

Just created this account tonight, my boyfriend tested HIV positive on September 10th. I tested negative on September 11th, however I did get sick that night and have been ever since with symptoms of seroconverting so I'm still unsure of my status. It's not something I'm at all worried about or afraid of. In fact I want him to convert me for multiple reasons. I'm not at all bothered by the possibility of becoming poz, I know that it's something I'll have the rest of my life but I know I'll be fine regardless of how my body reacts. I also don't want sex to become awkward or uncomfortable or something either of us are scared of in the relationship since both of us are very sexual people and we haven't used protection once, so I know I already have a very high chance of being poz. I understand there are other options such as Prep if I'm not converting after all, but I don't really want that because the risk is still there and that's where the awkwardness comes in if I'm not fully willing, which I am. The last thing I want is for us to be living as if we're scared of something neither one of us are scared of (if that makes sense). I also really enjoy the idea of knowing I would be the first person he converted.

[lungfucker]

Since you are willing to be converted, then let it go.  However, be aware that with PrEP, there isn't much risk at all of converting.  Given the timing of your BF's diagnosis, it's a tough call, but a conversation with your doc would be useful.  Good luck, and best wishes.

[mtncumboy]

Happy you joined babe and great first post. And its great knowing you want to be first.

[drscorpio]

You two are terribly sweet. It's great to see a couple supporting each other this way at a time that could be a huge stress on your relationship. I wish you all the best. 

 

sabercumreaver, I don't think going on PrEP would show any lack of willingness. You have publicly declared your willingness. The problem is even if you are still neg is that mtncumboy is at his most infectious right now. You two might have to back off on your getting bred until you are on the meds which I can't imagine you really want to do. 

 

Of course, both of you just letting go and letting him poz you up is a romantic option. It's just a lifetime commitment, so make sure it's what you want. 

Edited September 23, 2014 by drscorpio

[MackyJay]

Very nice and caring post.

[sabercumreaver]

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. It's very refreshing having people understand both options and offer their insight and opinions on them both.

drscorpio, I know that going on PrEP doesn't necessarily express my lack of willingness. However, it does add that awkward dynamic during sex where my boyfriend has to worry about the small chance of converting me when I'm taking precautions against that. And not only does that make it uncomfortable but if I were to become poz after taking precautions that puts a lot of guilt on him no matter how much I say it's ok.

All in all it just adds so much strain on our relationship and what we enjoy all for something he already has and something I'm not at all worried about getting. And if in the future for some reason we go our separate ways (I don't see that happening, but life is unpredictable) I understand that I made the conscious decision and I'm fully okay with that.

[wood]

Just created this account tonight, my boyfriend tested HIV positive on September 10th. I tested negative on September 11th, however I did get sick that night and have been ever since with symptoms of seroconverting so I'm still unsure of my status. It's not something I'm at all worried about or afraid of. In fact I want him to convert me for multiple reasons. I'm not at all bothered by the possibility of becoming poz, I know that it's something I'll have the rest of my life but I know I'll be fine regardless of how my body reacts. I also don't want sex to become awkward or uncomfortable or something either of us are scared of in the relationship since both of us are very sexual people and we haven't used protection once, so I know I already have a very high chance of being poz.

 

I understand there are other options such as Prep if I'm not converting after all, but I don't really want that because the risk is still there and that's where the awkwardness comes in if I'm not fully willing, which I am.

 

The last thing I want is for us to be living as if we're scared of something neither one of us are scared of (if that makes sense). I also really enjoy the idea of knowing I would be the first person he converted.

You seem well thought out on this, but I also wonder how much thought you have given to his reactions, long term.

 

I know two guys that tested poz, and ended up infecting their partner of the time, and neither relationship lasted.  Part of it was the fact that they were very awkward about the fact they infected someone else, even when their partner accepted and was okay with it.  On that note you have to be aware that there is a good chance you guys won't be together forever.  I am not trying to be pessimistic, but that is reality.  

 

For you right now, I would say cool it on any sexual activity until you get a firm diagnosis on your condition.  If you are actually neg, just go on PrEP, its literally almost foolproof taken correctly, and there is no reason you cant have a great sexual relationship if he is poz,and you end up still neg.  if you eng up poz, start meds ASAP, and get your BF on them too.  Its been shown to be the best course of action now, and it will drastically reduce the chance of infecting anyone else if you play bare.  You are understanding about this, but many people are not, and infecting someone else, can be illegal, and can also be a quick way to a terrible reputation in a community.  

[rtpbbcub]

Oh how I wish this were normal. When I try to say things like that people are all "OMG you crazy." But yeah, it's called a relationship, it's called accepting another person. And it sounds a lot like this.

[seaguy]

Not to be a bitch but you guys are only 21 so the odds are your relationship may not last forever so that is something to consider when debating whether to go on PrEP or not.  I don't think it is a sign your unwilling at all, it is you taking control of your health and to me the longer one can put off getting HIV (since if they bareback it's like playing with fire you will get burn't) the better because of the fact that your not having to go on MEDS earlier in life which then gives them more time to possibly stop working so they have to switch you to another one. And that means putting off dealing with all the other health issues that can come with being poz.  And say you decide to have your BF convert you.  But then you guys break up a year later you might end up looking back going why did I do that.  Especially if the relationship ends badly.

 

Having said all that to be the devils advocate.  I hope you guys are together forever you seem like a cute couple that really likes one another.  And your having got sex that is for sure ;-)

[cam1972]

Not to be a bitch but you guys are only 21 so the odds are your relationship may not last forever so that is something to consider when debating whether to go on PrEP or not.  I don't think it is a sign your unwilling at all, it is you taking control of your health and to me the longer one can put off getting HIV (since if they bareback it's like playing with fire you will get burn't) the better because of the fact that your not having to go on MEDS earlier in life which then gives them more time to possibly stop working so they have to switch you to another one. And that means putting off dealing with all the other health issues that can come with being poz.  And say you decide to have your BF convert you.  But then you guys break up a year later you might end up looking back going why did I do that.  Especially if the relationship ends badly.

 

Having said all that to be the devils advocate.  I hope you guys are together forever you seem like a cute couple that really likes one another.  And your having got sex that is for sure ;-)

Nailed it. You can't think in the now about HIV. Yes, there are meds that work. But you have to look to the future. So many things to think about. Life insurance. Medical insurance. Paying for meds the rest of your (hopefully) long life. That's a lot of money. Meds aren't cheap. Breaking up with your boyfriend (not that I'm wishing that on you) and trying to find someone else who will accept that you are poz. There is still a huge stigma within the gay community (forget about the straight community) about HIV. Ignorance seems to be the choice in gay men when it comes to HIV. So think this through. If you indeed haven't converted, get on meds.. You can still have a great time and fuck like rabbits...

[Guest Saturn1]

Hey, sabercumreaver! Stop taking the PrEP and be with your boyfriend and FUCK in the FREEDOM OF BAREBACK. Getting POZZED is NOT the end of the world. Letting your boyfriend POZ you sends you; the BOTH of you into a wonderful NEW WORLD. Get POZZED and enjoy the SWEET BAREBACK PROCESS!!! Be FREE and let your boyfriend's cock FREE YOU!!!

[GermanFucker]

drscorpio, I know that going on PrEP doesn't necessarily express my lack of willingness. However, it does add that awkward dynamic during sex where my boyfriend has to worry about the small chance of converting me when I'm taking precautions against that. And not only does that make it uncomfortable but if I were to become poz after taking precautions that puts a lot of guilt on him no matter how much I say it's ok.

 

With all due respect: If PrEP is availabe to you, the only valid reason for getting infected instead is because YOU want it. Being afraid of getting tested, being afraid of sex being awkward, all that is not good enough to base a life-altering decision upon. You are old enough to take responsibility for your own life. So just take a deep breath (ideally get tested ASAP to know if you already have it) and decide for yourself: What is it that YOU want? If that means getting pozzed, that's ok as well. It is YOUR life. Just make sure you didn't do it just to please someone else.

 

As to avoiding the awkwardness: The best way to do that is just being your own man and standing by your decision, be it PrEP or not. You cannot control how your boyfriend reacts. When it comes to him, maybe HIV is the best way to go, maybe PrEP is the right decision. Either way, you will never know and it does not really matter. What you can control is whether you feel that you made the right decision for yourself.

[wood]

Hey, sabercumreaver! Stop taking the PrEP and be with your boyfriend and FUCK in the FREEDOM OF BAREBACK. Getting POZZED is NOT the end of the world. Letting your boyfriend POZ you sends you; the BOTH of you into a wonderful NEW WORLD. Get POZZED and enjoy the SWEET BAREBACK PROCESS!!! Be FREE and let your boyfriend's cock FREE YOU!!!

 

You are 20 years old, and sound incredibly stupid.  All I can do is roll my eyes at comments like this. 

 

Becoming HIV+ DOESNT FREE ANYONE FROM ANYTHING, It restricts you to a lifetime of medical treatment because of an incurable disease. 

[cam1972]

You are 20 years old, and sound incredibly stupid.  All I can do is roll my eyes at comments like this. 

 

Becoming HIV+ DOESNT FREE ANYONE FROM ANYTHING, It restricts you to a lifetime of medical treatment because of an incurable disease. 

 

I agree... Freedom... That's all dependant upon what you call free.. Having guys turn you down for sex because you have HIV? Or demanding to wrap if they are going to fuck you.. I had a hell of a lot more sex when I was neg than I have since I've been poz. I know it's not that way with everyone.. But if HIV gives freedom, why do I have to be bound to taking meds twice a day and bound by state law to disclose my status with every sexual partner. That sure as hell doesn't sound like freedom to me.

[NastyRigPig]

Personally, I'd choose prep.  HIV  is forever, and we finally have a work around to further HIV infections, I think you should take it.  Having said that, if your bf just converted and you guys have been barebacking, you probably got his most potent cum already.  Test again in 3 months and see where you're at.

 

As has been mentioned, you're young, he's young, and lord knows gay men don't have great track records at monogomy or LTR initially.  I'm not knocking you or trying to say you guys are doomed to failure, but just playimg the odds here.  I think all important healthcare decisions like the one you're faced with should be made with regards to you and you alone.  I always think of someone diagnosed with cancer, would you let someone you just started dating have a huge influence on your healthcare plan?