Psychology of BDSM

[subbytch]

I'm always fascinated by the psychology of rough sex / kink / bdsm, especially in understanding why I enjoy rough sex so much. As a person who lives in and works via his "head", rough sex is one of the few times I'm actually out of my head and in the moment. Turns out that the most recent research says this is exactly the benefit such sex gives people. 

Thought I'd share.

 

Quote

"...After the encounter, people reported lower stress, better mood and scored a high level of flow on a scale that measures flow state. “This may be an effective thing for people who otherwise have a hard time getting out of their intellectual head,” Sagarin says. “BDSM, because of the intense sensations and potentially because of the restriction of movement, may have the ability to put someone in the here and now in a way that they may find more difficult to achieve through other means.”

http://time.com/4511726/bdsm-sex-flow-state-mindfulness/

[Guest Lempriere]

Thanks for posting this.  I have often wondered what the attraction of BDSM is.  I'm not sure this convinces me to try it, but it is interesting to follow the implications.  

[subbytch]

No obligation to try anything. 

I just always wondered why I liked it and liked it a pretty specific way: into being a slave, but loved the submissive part of sex. This explains the psychology well. And it tracks with other investigations that show in general, people who like kinky sex aren't disturbed or pathological.

[ChaserBtm84]

Everyone has different tastes and appetites. I grew up just naturally kinda accepting of different kinks/sexuality/etc. I'm a weird one though. Lol

Since you mentioned rough sex and your love of it. I have always fantasized, even as a younger kid, of having extreme rape fantasies where I'm just beaten/used/whore and crazy gangbang rough scenarios where I'm pumped out and abused. BUT IN REAL LIFE I don't care for rough sex at all! Don't get me wrong there's times ya gotta let your top go to pound town on your ass and you enjoy it but I mean in I would never try to reenact or want to ensure the insanity in some of my fantasies.

Is that weird?

[subbytch]

1 hour ago, ChaserBtm84 said:

Everyone has different tastes and appetites. I grew up just naturally kinda accepting of different kinks/sexuality/etc. I'm a weird one though. Lol

Since you mentioned rough sex and your love of it. I have always fantasized, even as a younger kid, of having extreme rape fantasies where I'm just beaten/used/whore and crazy gangbang rough scenarios where I'm pumped out and abused. BUT IN REAL LIFE I don't care for rough sex at all! Don't get me wrong there's times ya gotta let your top go to pound town on your ass and you enjoy it but I mean in I would never try to reenact or want to ensure the insanity in some of my fantasies.

Is that weird?

No, it sounds pretty normal, actually.

I love rough sex. But I love it with someone or someones I trust. I think my sexual life would be a little easier if I could just be used and abused by any person. To let down my guard enough to be used the way I want, that has to be with someone I synch up with. I haven't quite figured out how -far- I'd go with someone I trust. Who knows? Maybe I'd let him and his friends use me, as long as I knew I wasn't going to wind up dead as a result.

The point is, you can do as much or as little with people as you want. You may decide as you get older that you want to explore your fantasies. Or you may decide you like them as spank material, nothing more. But you get to decide, though. And you can change your mind as many times as you'd like. 

Just whatever you do, don't think you aren't allowed to explore them. They are part of you, for you to enjoy, and for you to find fulfillment in -- however you want to use it.

[pozpig]

BDSM has always given me lots of mental pleasure when I've had the opportunity to explore. Reading this article as well as others reaffirms to me the mental benefits of such play. I know many whom have learned of my own pleasures involving BDSM have come to me asking the usual "you actually like it when someone beats on you?" and other naive questions. I always take the opportunity to engage them and correct misconceptions that society has "taught" about BDSM and educate them that it's more about making a mental connection with others and building trust to know they aren't doing it to intentionally inflict pain just for the sake of hurting. It can however teach you trust and understanding both for yourself and your partner which can extend outside of the bedroom and bring strength to a relationship that might not otherwise be found. I also make sure to drive the point that the difference between BDSM and abuse is CONSENT!!!! Any BDSM scene will always have the consent of all involved. 

[subbytch]

On 12/17/2016 at 6:25 PM, pozpig said:

I also make sure to drive the point that the difference between BDSM and abuse is CONSENT

Yes! It's about consent! 

While I'm sure there are people that really want to be raped, most people I've met really just want to be able to -give in- to the experience, and not have to worry about needing to use the consent they still have to get out of some rough fucking. I've met very few people into rough sex that are into being abused in their everyday life.... well, any more than the people you like and love already drive us crazy for them just being them.

[tallslenderguy]

I love the Bd part but not the Sm, no thrill from pain here, but love to be subjugated.

[Cumjunky215]

I'm not into being hurt or feeling pain, but love an aggressive top fucking hard, slapping my face showing he's dominant and I'm just there for his pleasure, he controlling my breathing with a hand on my throat or deep dick down my throat making me gag a little, using my ass even when I'm sore from multiple fucks, being bred fluff loads both ends.

[Guest]

When I was in college I read Eldridge Cleaver's book Soul on Ice and he talks about how he enjoyed raping white women because it made him feel he was receiving reparations for slavery. The book obviously is controversial but when I read it that's when I understood the original post that people engage in domination during sex because it allows them to relieve anger and other strong emotions through the act and they feel calmer afterwards. This is why make up sex is often cited as being better as well because people bring the aggression from their arguments into the bedroom.

I am not only into BDSM but greatly enjoy the black domination subculture within it where white men submit to black masters I find the racial aspect increases even more the positive effects noted in the cited study. It allows the white slave to symbolically absolve themselves of collective guilt and allows the black master to reclaim power that may not be present in his daily life due to institutional discrimination. Cleaver himself of course unlike Huey Newton was notoriously homophobic and would have never approved of his concept being applied to gay people but it is valid in a broader sense.

[HardaddyMA]

IT has been my pleasure to explore b/d, s/m with men since I was tying up my friends at age 14 and forcing them to suck me to be freed. In a real working s/m relationship there is a  profound sense of mutual connection, trust and the ability to test the limits of the sub and the imagination of the DOM. As far as the 'pain' part - this TOP could torture you with a feather and make you squirm- its about pushing that line between what is recognized by the body as pleasure as opposed to pain>> it's the same nerves.  My most intense relationships have been b/d, s-m ones and I treasure the memories of every one. If you find someone you trust - give it a try!

[paulebnj]

Just saw this topic.   

For me, I am in charge all of the time in my job and have a ton of responsibility in my personal life.

There is a total cathartic release for me when some one takes total control of me and I have to be submissive.   I love having my limits stretched and pushed even with some pain; I have a high pain threshold so pushing that is good too.   I also like trying new things to break taboos that I encounter every day.  There is something about being a total submissive slut that really turns me one.   I can go many hours when in a BDSM situation.

 

 

[mjkuhl]

On ‎8‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 11:57 PM, HardaddyMA said:

IT has been my pleasure to explore b/d, s/m with men since I was tying up my friends at age 14 and forcing them to suck me to be freed. In a real working s/m relationship there is a  profound sense of mutual connection, trust and the ability to test the limits of the sub and the imagination of the DOM. As far as the 'pain' part - this TOP could torture you with a feather and make you squirm- its about pushing that line between what is recognized by the body as pleasure as opposed to pain>> it's the same nerves.  My most intense relationships have been b/d, s-m ones and I treasure the memories of every one. If you find someone you trust - give it a try!

Harddaddy, wish I could try it with you

[ErosWired]

On 8/18/2017 at 7:48 PM, jogupo said:

I am not only into BDSM but greatly enjoy the black domination subculture within it where white men submit to black masters I find the racial aspect increases even more the positive effects noted in the cited study. It allows the white slave to symbolically absolve themselves of collective guilt and allows the black master to reclaim power that may not be present in his daily life due to institutional discrimination.

This is fascinating. Do you find that the positive aspects of this are persistent and carry over into both men's view of race in society? In other aspects of life, does each man then feel less unequal in his day-to-day interactions because he can say to himself, "I fuck men like you all the time" or "men like you breed me"?

I have greatly enjoyed being bred by many men of color - one in particular was one of the most dominant men ever to have taken me, and will forever stand out in memory. But the question of race never entered into it for me, perhaps because either a ) race genuinely doesn't matter to me (I don't care whether a person is black, white or purple as long as they have a brain) or b ) I automatically submit to any man. It interests me that some men of color might gain an additional benefit from using me because of the color of my skin. I don't take that as a negative, just as an extra way that I might be able to provide a value-added sexual service.