subbytch

Nope. Never. Came of age when AIDS hit. Didn't like condoms. Didn't want HIV. I'd pretty much ruled anal out of my life. While oral is great, my sex life was missing a certain intimacy. PrEP came along and changed that. I -wish- I had those 30 some years in-between back. There's no way I can make up for all those lost fucks. Being a different person now than I was in my teens and 20s, I get turned on differently than I did. So it's still a little more complicated than just headed to a sex club and getting bred by a thousand guys. But... The sex I am having? Awesome. I still need more dom tops in my life, so that's part of my hunt. But to be on that hunt is an amazing thing.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Someone calls your ass a cunt or pussy, and you think "I am being called a woman. I don't like that. I don't feel dominated. I feel insulted. I need a new partner." My mind doesn't go there. Instead it's "He just called my ass a cunt. It's not, but I'm being dominated in a complete and total way. This is so fucking outside of my every day experience. I feel owned right now. The intimacy makes this hot. Fuck me more." Neither way is "right," just like liking older or younger, harry or smooth, is any more right than the other. It's just how we're wired.

It's the cognitive dissonance / dom-sub role play that gets me off on calling it a cunt or a pussy. Of course it's not a real pussy. I don't want one of those. But in the context of the play with another person, it's a hot way to engage. As much of a mind fuck as an ass fuck. How many guys who like to be submissive in the bedroom don't like to have their ass called a cunt or a pussy? I'm curious and interested if there's some association with the way people like to have sex and the what they want parts called.

I disagree. The word "nigger" isn't magical. Saying it doesn't instantly add to evil in the world. There's just no evidence for that. It's a metaphor. Symbol. Placeholder. When you beat a person, keep them from school, undercut their promotions, charge them more frequently and harshly under the law, deem them inferior for an arbitrary and irrelevant reason, kill them..... that's what the metaphor, the placeholder, is referring to. It's the actual degradation of a human being, of making their life miserable, and of denying them the same freedoms that others. Of destroying them. Using those words in the bedroom, between two or three people who'd otherwise never use those words against a person in the outside world, just isn't the same. It's similar to how actual African Americans can use nigger in their lives and humor and between each other and it's a becomes a metaphor for rising above, not being pushed down. Yeah, one is somewhat playing around with how a certain metaphor is socially improper in most cases. But that's kind of the fun. Note, I don't think I could use the word nigger in the bedroom. I just hate the word. I can relate it in some sense to your objection. But my rationale mentioned above I'd apply even to people using that word between them when they have sex. While I really couldn't use it, I don't have a problem with people who might. Jeez, we've just gone meta....

​I'm 100% male, have no desire to be a woman, yet love to be called a cunt / bitch / whore and treated as such....in the bedroom. (Just writing about it makes me hard.) I've always been a little embarrassed about it, too. I'm pretty strong advocate for equality and, without being some Alpha caricature, wind up being in the lead and responsible on many projects. So it's so damn crazy when I think about being treated that way and how much I enjoy it when I am I'd detest being treated that way all the time. I'd be insulted. I'd put a stop to it, too. Sexuality is crazy.

I understand what you are saying, I think. Unlike you, I love having my ass be called a pussy or a cunt. I love being called a little a bitch or a faggot during sex. Why? Because I don't have (or want) a pussy or a cunt, I'm not a bitch, and I'd punch any asshole who called me a faggot in real life. During sex, I love that kind of degradation. I love the mind fuck. I love the the roughness of it. The illicitness of it. Even the wrongness of it. For a moment, with consenting people who -- hopefully -- would never think to do such things to others in real life, it's amazingly intimate and awesomely sexually charged. I think there's a line between "what's okay in the bedroom" and "what's okay outside the bedroom." I know there are some people here, top or bottom, who like having the two realms be the same. I'm not one of those people. If, however, we've agreed to play together, then we can take a hell of a lot of the strictures off and fuck and mind-fuck for as long as we can manage.

My experience? The majority of tops of who "live" being an Alpha Male in their day-to-day life, treating everyone they encounter in the world like a "bitch", aren't really that great in the bedroom. Dominating someone during sex requires some ability to identify with the bottom. Most people who go through life oblivious to the needs of others can't really provide the kind of intense sexplay that most sub bottoms are looking for. There's an art to being a Alpha Male / Dom Top. Most, though, are just painting with crayons.

Noticed he mentions, approvingly, of rough sex in several interviews. Nice that he makes it no big deal.

Thanks Cam1972. I agree it's important to do what you can to increase the Mindfuck. Some people get lucky and find a dom top that just knows what a bottom needs. Or they just Do It and the bottom enthusiastically responds. My experience is that most dom tops aren't that good. They may fuck well, but they don't know how to use that fuck and everything that goess along with it, to really torture the mental-fuck out of their bottoms. If you aren't a bottom that gets off on random brutality and unthinking sadism, then yes, that's a problem. It's especially so if you have experience with more than one top and find some of them...lacking.

In helping to build trust and intimacy, to increase and immesh the Mindfuck, with one of my regulars, I shared a list of the Things I Like and the Things I'd Like Him To Do. Not so much as pushy bottom dictating the session. More so that we could better get a sense of what was going on in each others heads. My experience is that it's rare for tops to immediate grok what a bottom is feeling. So to for the other way around. This was what I told my friend I liked about what was going on between us. If there's any interest, I'll post what more I'd like him to do. 5 Things That I Like That You Do 1. I’m totally gobsmacked by how much you’ve gotten into domination. You were so tentative and afraid…what…almost 2 years ago…and now you aren’t. We joke that I’ve either made you into something or you just released something always there. Either way it’s great. I think there’s still some hesitation on your part. Am I right about that? Still holding back? 2. The way you now control my head, pushing your cock down my throat. It’s still scary, for me, having someone do that, but it’s awesome gagging on your fucktool. I still wish I didn’t gag so easily. But I’m doing it less. I really love being held in my place when you drive deep. Whether I gag, choke, or spit up, it’s overwhelming. It’s all at your desire. I feel so submissive. So owned. So like a little faggot. 3. I love the way you touch my cock and balls when we start / kiss. It’s hard and soft. Painful and pleasurable. I know you can tell by the sounds I make. By how I spread my legs and push my junk out. I want your hand on it more. Like a leash when a leash isn’t there. A wire from your soul to mine, via your hand on my cock. 4. When you fucked me, you held my head against the bed. It was tentative and incidental. It was also hot. It was almost like when you control my head when you face-fuck me. I briefly felt so used and humbled. I wanted more. 5. The beast-when-you-fuck-me. It’s like you can’t get enough of my ass, can’t go deep enough, can’t go hard enough. Can’t reposition me fast enough. Can’t come buckets enough. And then can’t wait to do it again. It’s really fucking amazing. It’s like you are trying to find the perfect positions to get yourself off and to make me feel it the most. I know you’ve stumbled over a few of those positions, angles and intensities where you can hear the change in me. I have a feeling there are quite a few more that haven’t been tried yet. Let's go for it. Perhaps this "exercise" might work for someone reading this!

If you are a top, figure out what gets you off...and find bottoms into that too: A bottom only to get off with their ass? Put a cock cage on them. A bottom to really only get off with their ass? Jack them off first. Then start fucking them. A bottom to get off with their dick? Let them jack off as you pound away. There's no one way to be a top or a bottom. But there are lots of people interested in the way you want a bottom to get off. Find them. Fuck them. Fuck them again. Simple.

It's funny. Rationally, I know I'm not. I thought I was the only one. lol. With my regular FWB, we just sent emails back and forth saying what the other liked that the other did. That was good. Since this has been a slow and ongoing process, I just sent him a list of things I'm open to / want him to do to me. Since I'm on the submissive side to him, he's sending me stuff I should do better and what he's always wanted to do. I turned him on to being a dom top, so he's still feeling his way. I have another friend who I've played around with. We spoke last night. He just moved closer. He mentioned making me a regular cum dump stop for him. He's very into S/M, so he's been asking me a shit load of questions about what I've liked, where I see myself going, and what goals I have. It was a good conversation. This is part of the mind games, actually. Trust building. I might become a good little bitch yet.

It's the mind part that's the bitch. I have to somehow feel some kind of connection with the person, physical, mental, or both, in order to get to that head-space. Parts on their own don't do it. Sex clubs on their own don't do it. Finding people to mesh with is an ongoing process, one I don't know how to shortcut. I'm quite a bit envious of people that are able to throw their legs up and be a bitch for just anyone.

Rough, but it's still about making connection. With someone I have a connection with, it makes the sex better. With someone new, it creates a connection that's crazy and cool. But if it's about someone just looking at it as a reason to Abuse with a capital "A", that's not for me. I know some people here get off on that anyway, but sex is about connection. And there's no connection in that case.

For the most part, I agree with you, cam. I so love being a little cunt, held down, spanked, teased, fucked hard, made to bed. Pissed on. In. All of that stuff. Makes me vulnerable...in a way I still don't get. But it's also role play. It's a way of relating to another person. I have no thought that I'm less than the person or persons fucking me, other than the times I choose for this to occur. Be it a night or weekend or what have you. I've had people approach me and be a dick in every context other than the one I prefer. It's not sexy. It's actually rather scary. I've seen other people eat up being mistreated in every possible way, to the point where their lives are on the line. Yes, it's possible it can be a fully consensual, healthy, and appropriate way of interacting with someone, absent other evidence, the least number of assumptions says the person being abused has other issues. I gave up a while ago thinking I needed to fix everything. Even in the situation I mentioned above, absent any immediate, visible harm, I'm not that likely to say or do anything unless asked. It's up to that person to figure out for themselves what's important. Still, it gives me pause.

"He was nothing but kind to me. So dose that make me fucked up (reason i posted this here is because i am looking for honest people)" Were you raped? Doesn't sound like it. It does sound like the teacher was rather inappropriate. I'm not a huge fan of the way the teacher went about initiating a relationship with you. I think society is a better place when young people don't have to wrestle with relationships with their teachers. But that's me. That being said, it's not true that everyone under the age of 18 who has sex with someone over the age of 18 was raped, molested, or otherwise couldn't consent. While there is a good body of research that shows many people in that situation are, there's also another body of research that shows people of 14, 15, and older had fond memories, found it very enjoyable, and celebrate the sexual relationships they had with older adults. That body of research caused a huge stink when it came out. In other countries, the age of consent ranges between 14-16, most clustering around 16. It's really an American thing where we think something magical happens on your 18th birthday to all cum leaving your body and all other cum entering it. It's crazy, but it's the society we live in. If you think you had a good relationship with your teacher, then you probably did. Keep that to yourself. Or if you must talk about it, lie and say he was another student and you had great fun. It's your story to tell. If you find somewhere down the line that it really wasn't that great of an experience, then there are plenty of therapists who will help you work out whatever problems you might then have. Really, this is about you. Good luck.

Ack. Okay, happened with me today. Regular FWB. Hot, rough, sex. So into it. He hit my spot, pushed a bit of cum out, then I jacked to cum at the same time he did. Great explosion. I fell back, exhausted. Except he was ready to go again. He's 24 years old. I'm not sure 24 year olds have any other setting than "horny." I like to -think- I'm 24 -- hah -- so I backed my ass up, he went at it, but this time it was that burning, hurting, pinching pain that others have mentioned. Could not fucking take it. Question: is there any way to take it? Is it just a case of relaxing for 30 minutes before going again? Is it experience that makes it easier? Or is it just biology...some people can and some can't? With my FWB, will wait until I'm certain he's on his last load before coming. But is there any way to get railed, cum, and then go again without that pain?

Because I talk about being on PrEP, my friends have figured it out. :-)

If it's just a simple event, with a bit of fucking, then cleaning your rectum is all that's required. A few douches over the course of 20 minutes or so, and I'm good. I'm not into fisting and haven't yet been in a situation where I'd be in a sling for a day. Can't really see the need to clean out anything beyond the second sphincter.

Yeah, no drugs for me here, either. Some people really can do the most extreme of drugs, do them regularly, and never come to harm. Others can't. Other's think they can and wind up wacked out. Other's think they can't and are surprised when that it's not a problem. You are under no obligation to use drugs or to even try to use drugs. Based on my own history, I've never tried. I've lost out on some great fucks because I wasn't interested in being around people slamming or otherwise high. But that's okay for me.

There's nothing new about this version of HIV. It's been studied since 1999. Modern anti-retrovirals will arrest it and PrEP will protect you from it. http://maxsohlblog.com/2015/02/17/everything-but-the-facts-hiv-panic-in-2015/

Good question. First thing to remember is that the ID doc works for you, not the other way around. You don't have to please the doc. A doc doesn't have to write you an Rx -- that's their out -- but you shouldn't feel like you are in front of a teacher, having to justify your work. Second thing. Since HIV in undetectable people periodically "spikes" or "blips"-- for a variety of reasons, some understood, some not -- even if really had a positive boyfriend, you'd still be well within your comfort level to ask for PrEP. Since these blips can be unexpected, PrEP would be an added layer of defense in case something like this happened. Third, there are a lot of HIV+ tops who are paranoid about infecting their partner. The fear of accidentally passing HIV prevents them from being fully intimate. PrEP has helped these couples get closer. It's insanely unlikely that a viral spike would infect a partner taking PrEP 6 or 7 days a week. So, tell the doc that a recent viral load spike / blip with your BF freaked him out about infecting you. You are worried, too. You want to the PrEP to ease both of your worries. FYI, depending on the test used, my understanding is that less that 400 copies per ml is considered "suppressed." Just tell the doc that you can't always keep it straight, and that with PrEP, you don't have to. More about HIV "blips" here: http://www.hivviralload.com/blog/2008/11/5/what-sudden-spikes-in-hiv-viral-load-really-mean.html

I regularly a2m. I've always been pretty damn clean down there, so never struck me as a problem, just a pleasure.

I don't seem to get off on sheer, total, anon sex. I've tried, and 98% of the time, it just doesn't work. A few times I've met someone and the sexual chemistry is so great that not knowing anything else about them is fine. But mostly it's just bad sex with someone I'm happy I'll never see again. With someone I know, where there's some commonality or connection, be it from a few hours of talking or several months of hanging out, the sex is usually much better. Figure out what the other person wants, they can figure out what you want, and both are open and comfortable enough to have fun. Curiously, if someone I know brings along someone I don't, it's more fun with the new person than if I'd randomly met them on the street. I could not, though, just have sex with only one person forever. That would get far too familiar and monotonous. There has to be some variety. I've always loved the lion and their pride. I think about it in reverse, though; as a bottom with a stable of several tops making me their bitch. I guess I'm greedy like that. :-)

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