LetsPOZBreed

Bad experiences are just part of the process. You WILL have them; you just have to learn how to properly deal with them. I've had the occasion at a bathhouse/cruise club/etc. where one bad guy will ruin your night, or at least the next hour or so. Just know that it's okay to walk away if it's not right. The sore on the cock is a big red flag - your disgusting guy is almost certainly aware that it's there, and attempting to force guys onto it is probably the only way it would get any action. As limited as you may be with your free passes, it still shouldn't mean you should settle. @ErosWired is absolutely right that it pays to plan ahead. The most seemingly counterintuitive days and times tend to be the ones with the biggest pay-offs. There is (and hopefully will be) a popular cruise bar in central London where the naked nights are on Monday and Thursday evening - these nights are even busier than the weekend (clothed) nights. Also, if it suits one to do so, going right when it opened for the day (around 1 p.m.) meant that you caught the guys looking for a quick cum-and-go, so there wasn't as much wandering around. Also, when I lived in Dallas, one of the bathhouses there - the now-closed Midtowne Spa - if you went on a Saturday evening, used to give you a voucer for a discounted room on a weeknight, typically a Tuesday or Thursday. I found that the Saturday nights are very hit and miss, but the weeknight of the voucher had better prospects overall. Basically, go on days and times where your chosen venues are not in competition with other (nightclubs/etc.). Take it from those of us who have been at this for yeasr (and even decades): never get discouraged. I can go to the same cruisy spot two different times within a week of one another, and never see the same guy twice. Even if you do run into the same guy, the experience with him may be different the second time around; could be better, could be worse. You never really know who will turn up until you're there, although advertising that you will be present could alleviate this somewhat.

I understand it, though it's not a practice that I ascribe to. It's (alleged) risk-aversion. The potent part of bareback sex isn't the raw cock itself, it's the fluid exchange. By a bottom asking a top to pull out, the bottom is under the idea that they have managed to cheat the process. It's the proverbial "have his cake and eat it too."

Nailed it right on the head with this statement right here. Neither you or I, or the larger BZ community, are trying to erase any talk of STIs. We're all comfortable talking about our experiences with them and discussing the fact that these are part-and-parcel of the barebackers' lives.

It'll be interesting to see the final stats on this, once the voting has largely regressed to a stable statistic. I have checked this thread a couple times and find that over 90% of us have said "no" to both questions (myself included). Fair conclusion that those of us who have answered are solidly behind @rawTOP on this. I've had an STI in the past (syphillis) and it wasn't fun at all. There is nothing glamourous about going to the clinic once a week for three weeks to get jabbed in the butt-cheek. There's nothing glamourous about the anti-biotics. For those who don't test or treat it early, there's nothing glamourous about it progressing to the point of having the spotty rash, or worse, tertiary syphillis - with all the neurological baddies that come along with that. This is just one of many STI's, each with it's own nasty effects on the body.

Since the prevalence of PrEP, I'm noticing this happening less and less. As a general rule, when I meet up with a guy and the expectation is that I'll be on top (rare, but still happens), I'm upfront about the fact that I'm going to cum inside. Most guys who have doubts will end the convo right there. There's no guarantee, though, and it did happen on a couple of occasions where the guy did ask me to pull out in the heat of the moment. I honoured the request, in the interest of consent...I don't want to be "that guy", but it still makes this type of thing disappointing.

Also, try not to get too much into the details with your potential mates on the apps/websites. Overdescribing it sets too many expectations. Just cover the basics (i.e. ask them to wear a jockstrap or blindfold) and set up a time and place. If there's too much back and forth past that, I think you might get anxious again.

I can only speak for my own posts; I'll leave the others to comment on theirs, but want to add some colour to the last comment. I'm not expecting "solidarity" from a guy who gets fobbed off at the fact that he's been asked to leave a party for not adhering to protocol (i.e. not following boundaries/etiquette, or persisting past a certain point of non-interest with other guests). If he's asked to leave, the expectation is that he'd go without incident, and the rest can continue to enjoy their evening. The guy can just simply go home, block who he wants on the apps/websites, delete his profile, whatever....The "snitching" aspect is the one-bit-too-far moment. It's the "if I can't have fun, no one can" kind of attitude that is the intent of this thread.

I fucking love it. By depriving your sense of sight, you have to rely on your other senses. I think it makes for a much more intense encounter. You get that nervous feeling of butterflies when you can hear him undressing...that anticipation of feeling his body against yours. Every little sound, grunt, moan, whisper...

May sound counterintuitive, but you're prob the safest in hooking up with an undetectable guy. You know we get tested regularly, and are actively sticking to our treatments.

Those who cite the encouragement to better their own health (myself included in this), it should be noted that it's a bit of a retrospective benefit. I only got the encouragement to do those things after testing poz, rather than chasing the bug for that purpose. Not everyone who does get pozzed feels this way, though. I've also seen guys go full-on into the drug use / PnP scene after becoming poz as well. I will say that being poz meant that I qualified for the pre-existing conditions priority group for the COVID jab. I guess one can call that a "benefit" in some strange way...

The second point from the original post is one I've seen play out before as well. Doesn't exactly have to be a cruising spot such as a park either; I've had a motel sex party get cancelled because some guy who got rejected by the host (for whatever reason) called the motel to snitch. The motel then contacted the organiser and threatened them to cancel the reservation if the party was to be held as planned. The organiser was going to find an alternate location, but think interest waned too much and it never happened.

I knew there was somthing I left out...But this is a big one!

My fear of HIV (or lack thereof) came from the fact that I met someone who was poz rather early on in my gay life. It wasn't a sexual thing between us, but it really showed me in the flesh that HIV wasn't the death sentence that the news portrayed. Granted, this was the mid- to late-90s, and treatments aren't what they are today, but my friend has been living his life to the fullest...(and still is!) It didn't make me want to rush out and start barebacking, though. My first time BB was after a night out at the club; guy took me home and he fucked me raw. It felt FUCKING AMAZING! But I didn't want the risk; we had never discussed status, so I was panicked for a little while afterwards until getting tested. I found out that bottoming raw was the only way I could truly enjoy it, but wasn't willing to accept the risk. I became a near total top for a few years. Not until a regular playmate a few years later did the topic get broached again, and I let him due to the fact that I trusted him. Can't really say what made me decide to go raw all the time, but was shortly after that. I knew, and accepted the risks, and it actually took surprisingly long afterwards until I actually converted.

Probably not just an A4A problem. I'll admit, I haven't logged into A4A in years, but only because it's not as popular here in Europe. I have noticed on some apps that I get (messages/woofs/smiles/footprints/whatever they are called on that particular app) from guys that are thousands of kilometers away, and there's no reasonable possibility that we are going to meet face-to-face. I'm sure most of them are genuine, but I don't really see what fruitful conversation can be had with them. If it's a guy from the US, I assume he's prob genuine and looking for chat...but I'm not. If the guy is from a third-world country with a known penchant for spam messages, I just completely block them.

I would invest in a dildo or two (if you haven't already). Certainly has helped me on occasion. And as some of the advice states above, practice...practice...practice. You want to be in the right mindset for your body to allow a large top inside you comfortably. Poppers helps, as will lots of lube. Be honest with your partner to go in gentle; you can work up the pace as you get more accustomed to having him inside you.

Excellent points above. A few more notes about expectation setting, though: 1. Of all the men you invite, expect about 30-50% to actually show up (on average). 2. Try and keep the total numbers manageable. Your top mate (see point 1 in the previous post) can only do so much when you're both outnumbered. Also, you may inadvertently call unwanted attention to your room if you get high turnout. 3. Make sure you can handle the number of guys that would reasonably show up. Nothing more frustrating to a top then to go to a gangbang where the bottom can't handle it after the first 30 min or so. 4. Once numbers pass a certain point, expect that some guys will start playing on the side. Not everyone will just idly wait for their turn. 5. If you post for a party on a website, don't confirm the physical location until the day of. I've seen many a party get cancelled or moved to an alternate location because some spurned queen contacts the motel/hotel out of spite. 6. You may get questions from guys asking about the others that are signed up (i.e. can you share photos, etc). These tend to be the flakes who won't show, and you should not bother responding to them. It's YOUR gangbang, not theirs; they really shouldn't care what anyone looks like but you.

All of these points hit the nail on the head to varying degrees. IMHO, it is partly down to the fact that some guys are into the fantasy of it all, until reality confronts them. They may have been watching various porn scenes where all the men are chiseled and perfect, and think to themselves "I should try that". Then the messages start coming in, and the guy realises that we all aren't 25 with a six-pack and an 8 inch dick. Or they realise that there is a possibility that a guy can be properly toxic or give them an STI. I enjoy taking loads, but have never advertised myself as "no loads refused". In normal times, if I'm in a mood for multiple tops or a group scenario, I'll head to a sauna or cruise spot. Everyone there knows what they're getting into - (though I have had to bat away the grabby hands of bottoms trying to reach through my jockstrap for my cock; there's a damn good reason my ass is out and my cock isn't). I also grew tired of tops on the apps/sites that are more interested in asking me if how many loads I have before entertaining the idea of coming over.

I used to frequent the Monday naked nights at Vault in London. Better than trying to find action on the apps, especially at the beginning of the week. Once lockdown happened and Vault shut down, that went out the window. Also, being poz (though undetectable) I wasn't taking any chances with how some new virus might cause some unknown effects; it wasn't (and still isn't) worth the crapshoot of a random hookup to wind up with God only knows what to deal with afterwards.

Yeah, it's wintertime...and typical cold/flu season. You're probably okay from HIV, based on what you're describing with the condom. Wouldn't hurt to get yourself tested soon, regardless.

I've only hooked up once since last March. It was during a relatively calm period of infection rates in the UK, but I still had that anxiety as well. Found it troublesome to get hard for him (I eventually did), as my mind seemed to be playing through the "what if" scenarios again. My worry is more that I don't know how my body would react to contracting COVID. I could range from totally asymptomatic to being on a ventilator. After that one time, I figured it wasn't worth the risk until I get vaccinated (at a minimum). But I doubt you're alone in this feeling. Curious to see how others feel.

I'll agree with a couple of posters above. I've been fucked by guys with PA's a couple times. What's really great about it is the difference in temperature between the piercing and the cock itself. Neither one was particularly a rough top either, so the motions meant that I didn't get the feeling of being physically torn apart by it. That's the one thing I was nervous about the first time I took one.

I'd read this on their Twitter page a couple months ago after a mutual piss buddy told me about the news. Just checked again, and they've posted the update about CS - maybe there's hope after all. I'll bide my time (and donate, of course!) and see if I can get my usual dousing of stress-relief started again, once it's safe to do so.

Face-to-face. I want us to look deep into each others' eyes the whole time.

I just assume it's the heat of the moment, and take it for the dirty talk that it is. Of course I'm going to say yes and beg for it.

Agree with the previous poster. S.O.P. has already said that they won't be returning and would look at alternate venues. Which is a shame, since that's the one I frequented. There will certainly be pent-up demand for when this type of thing can return, but the real question is where/if they would find any space to do so.