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About Modernleper

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  • Gender
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  • Interests
    Bottoming, cocksucking, dildos, butt plugs, rimming, ws (love to drink it and be pissed on), barebacking
  • HIV Status
    Neg, On PrEP
  • Role
  • Background
    I had always fantasized about men, but was ashamed and afraid of being gay. After my marriage ended in 2017 I finally started to accept it. I have a bit of an obsession with risky sex and though I started out using condoms I am on PrEP now but fantasize about becoming POZ. It may remain just a fantasy, but I love hearing other experiences and learning about the POZ community.

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  1. For me waterspouts was something I would do alone at first. I’m always nice at home and I’d hold it until I just couldn’t any longer and I’d grab a jock or a pair of bikini briefs and I’d go in my backyard and just let go. Soaking myself and feeling it run down my legs and then jack off. Or I’d keep a glass next to me and when I couldn’t hold it anymore I’d fill it and drink it down repeating the process all night while edging. My first experience with another man was at a bathhouse probably 6 months ago. I was literally walking through the halls on my way to the bathroom and met a top who took me to his room. I figured I could handle a quick fuck before pissing, but midway through the session his friend or boyfriend or whatever joined us. They were both taking their time with me and I told them more than once I had to stop and piss, but they kept going. I was getting fucked on my back and I just couldn’t hold it anymore and started pissing on myself. I felt so humiliated, but they didn’t stop and soon both had deposited a load in me. Neither of them said one fucking word about it and that just made me feel even more degraded and dirty. Soon after that I started looking for tops into ws and finally drank another man’s piss got pissed on. I love it so much though I’ve only done it a few times now. I’m obsessed with cooks and love all things related to them, including piss. Someday I hope to act as a urinal for multiple men and drink as much as they can give me.
  2. I’m the same way. For most of my life I was in huge denial about being gay and was even married. I had tremendous difficulty getting and then maintaining an erection with women. Really the only thing that would constantly get me hard was rimming my ex wife’s ass (she never once offered to return the favor) but then once I did get hard I either came too fast or would start to go limp again. Nothing makes me harder than sucking cock (I love getting fucked and can cum from a good hard fuck, but usually I’m only semi hard at best). The guys I meet online know I’m only a bottom, but at the baths, if a guy goes for my cock, I’ve gotten quite used to telling guys that I’m just not into topping and really am just there for their pleasure. Most guys are cool with it, some need a couple more reminders, and a few have even walked away, but I just try to be honest and up front about it. It probably helps that I’m just average in length, though I’m thicker than most.
  3. I haven’t done much piss play with others, but when I have done it I’ve swallowed. I’ve been doing more and more solo though. I’ll piss myself while I’m in the backyard or fill up a glass and drink it as I jack off.
  4. The fantasy of HIV is extremely strong for me too, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the reality of it. I’ve been in therapy for quite some time now and a large topic of conversation over the past few months has been about this. My therapist is very sex positive and non judgmental. She was instrumental in my starting PrEP before I began barebacking. She maintains that it is my choice if I want to go off it, but is always quick to reiterate the, very real, negative aspects of contracting HIV. I may have a job that provides me with excellent insurance now, but who’s to say I’ll still have this job in 10 years. Circumstances change for everyone. The sex I’m having now is amazing, and I’m always wanting to push my boundaries and go further. Probably because I spent years in the closet and hating myself for being gay. When I told her I was visiting this site she felt it was good that I found somewhere to openly talk with others who shared what she calls my “HIV fetish,” but was adamant to impress upon me that this is in essence a fantasy site and I should treat it as such. I hope that you make the right decision for you. For me that is currently to stay on PrEP despite my urges to chase, but we all only have limited time on this earth and have to decide what we really want or need to be happy.
  5. Thank you. I've been back to Flex quite a few times and I am loving my "new lifestyle." I haven't really done much outside of Flex but i have a profile on BBRTS and have met a couple guys from there and really enjoyed myself. Maybe eventually I'll start venturing out to bookstores or mensrooms.
  6. I got divorced last year, had only been with 3 women and always bare. My first time with a man was earlier this year and my first time bare was a month ago. Always as a bottom, so far always at the baths and I’m on PrEP.
  7. I really hate to say it, because it makes me feel like an idiot, but it never even occurred to me to put face pics as the private ones. It seems so backwards.
  8. The other night I made a profile on barebackrt and was adding pictures, all of them were kind of glamor selfies of my ass. I thought about adding a face pic, but as I’m really not out to anyone in my everyday life I decided against it. I know that it shouldn’t matter because anyone on that site obviously has the same interests as me, but I still didn’t feel comfortable posting one yet. I was just wondering if you guys have face pics online? If so are you openly out to the world? Also, what do you think when you see a profile with no face pics? Do you care or are you less inclined to meet up with them?
  9. So after the first top left me alone in my room I laid on the bed for awhile fingering my hole and just thinking. I had gone limp once he started fucking me, I always do even though I love the feeling of getting fucked. I got hard and really wanted to cum, but I also knew that if I came I’d be done for the night. Lost to the sobriety you get after an orgasm and the guilt I knew I’d feel afterwards. I stood up and paced around the room until my hardon went away (I felt embarrassed walking around hard).I left my room and took a short walk to the showers. After a quick shower I went to the glory hole maze, tucked myself in a corner, got on my knees, and stuck my towel through a low hole. I stayed there for awhile sucking three cocks, but only one to completion. After that I stood up and walked out to the pool area. I sat in the hot tub for a little bit until I was joined by a hot muscular guy probably in his early 40s. We sat and chatted until he got up and sat on the side of the tub, his legs spread and his thick cock directly in front of me. We talked a little more until I told him I was sorry, he needed to get back in the tub or I was going to have to start sucking him. He smiled and told me to go ahead. I waded across the tub, got between his legs and took his plump limp cock in my mouth. I sucked him until he was hard and eventually looked at his face and told him I wanted him to fuck me, I had a room. He smiled and said let’s go. I led him to my room, drying myself along the way. He was still hard when I laid on my back on the bed and put my legs in the air. His hand went to my ass and as his fingers probed my hole he called me a slut. I told him I wanted his cock and asked him to hand me the poppers on the table. I took a big hit of them as he slid easily inside me and I looped my legs around his back. He took his time and fucked me on my back and doggy. He took his time and fucked me with slow, long, deep deliberates thrusts. A few times I asked him to stop so I could taste his cock. Just like the first top, he didn’t say much, but he fucked me a lot longer. I could tell the He was getting close by his breathing and his increase pace and I begged for his load. He came in me deep and after he pulled out I asked if I could suck him. I slid off the bed and got on my knees and cleaned his cock as he slowly went limp in my mouth. Eventually, he stepped back, pulling his limp dick from my mouth. Picked up his towel and left the room. I thanked him before he closed the door. I was rock hard then and stroked myself until I came all over the floor. It was amazing, but then the guilt and the fear set in. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the showers. I got dressed and left the baths, almost in tears, but at the same time I was so glad I did it. By the time I got home I was horny again. I put a plug in my ass and jacked off again before going to bed and passing out.
  10. I’ve been on PrEP for a month now, but I was still nervous to finally take the plunge. I finally got over those fears and took raw cock and cum at my local bathhouse on Tuesday. I’ve been going there for a couple months now. At first I would just hang out and enjoy the atmosphere of being nude around other men, kindly declining their advances and watching others enjoy each other. I have only recently accepted my sexuality and have been loving how free I feel after finally admitting to myself that I am a gay man. Eventually, I started playing as well but always safe, even after starting PrEP. On Tuesday I was determined though to finally go bare. I got a room and intended to just leave the door open and lay on the bed ass up, but I just didn’t have the guts for it so I started roaming the halls. It didn’t take long for a sexy daddy to come up to me as I walked near the pool area, and I wanted him bad. I have always been into older hairy guys that look like they just stepped off of a big rig and he sure had that look. We flirted a bit, asked if I wanted to go back to my room and we were on our way. Normally I always picked up a condom from the front desk and had that handy, but on that day I simply had lube and poppers on the table next to the bed. As soon as we got to the room I was on my knees working his cock and it didn’t take him long to get fully hard. I told him I wanted his cock inside me and he told me to get up and bend over. I spread my cheeks for him while he lubed and fingered my hole. I was shaking in anticipation when he handed me the bottle of poppers. I took a hit as he lined himself up and then pushed inside me. There was no discussion of condoms or status, and really not much conversation at all. I’m a big time moaner and was probably louder than ever and I know I was probably saying stupid shit like “oh god” and “fuck me” over and over because I just can’t help myself if I’m taking a good hard fuck. We moved from standing/bent over to me on my back with my ass hanging off the side and him standing on the floor and he fucked me hard. It didn’t last too long but he told me he was cumming just as he pushed inside me deep and held it. I could feel his cock pulse and his whole body shake as he unloaded inside me. It was amazing. He quickly pulled out and mumbled thanks to me, picked up his towel and left the room. I was disappointed a little bit because I really wanted suck his cock clean after he had fucked me, but overall it was such a hot fuck. I laid on my back with my legs spread and rubbed my slick loose hole and was so proud of myself for finally doing it. I wanted more. I got fucked again that night and I’ll post that one later.
  11. For me, I love the feeling of a stretched and full ass. I have used toys of all sizes for years, the first dildo I ever used was my mom’s when I was 14. Even while I was married, I had a secret supply of toys I used to abuse my hole when my wife was away. I didn’t get fucked for the first time until earlier this year and tots certainly can’t compete with a real man fucking me. I have only very recently barebacked for the first time and taking a man’s load just takes the experience to a whole different level. Like most of you I enjoy the submission I feel giving my hole to another man to use for his pleasure, but I also love the actual physical experience of getting fucked.
  12. If anyone is following this thread I just wanted to let you know that I finally did it. I went to Flex in Phoenix last night and took my first and second ever bareback cocks and loads. I’ll write it up fully in another thread, but I FINALLY DID IT! And it was amazing. It was scary and intense and I want more.
  13. Still building myself up to take my first bareback cock, but I’ve been thinking about lube and wanted to know, what do you think is the best for bare fucking and why? i know the immediate answers will be cum, spit or none. But let’s assume that I want my first raw fuck to go smooth and we’ll be using lube. Since nothing has to be condom safe the field is totally open, everything from KY or Astroglide to Vaseline or Crisco. I would really like to do ass to mouth and suck my top between position changes and especially suck him clean after he cums, so something that doesn’t taste horrible would certainly be preferred for me, but it would still have to keep me slick enough to handle a good long hard pounding.
  14. This has been a major fantasy of mine for so long. I haven’t done it yet, but when I have gone to my local bathhouse I’ve walked by the dark room multiple times just longing to go in and get on my hands and knees. Someday.

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