Is being poz as exciting once you get it?

[Guest nastypozhole]

I made the choice to poz way back in the 19809s.  I have been a sex pig since I was a boy and I knew I could not live without pig sex.  I pozzed and I loved it.  When others shunned the full blown guys I had sex with them and took their cum in my hole.  I felt and feel proud of sticking by them and being true to myself.  If you are a true sex pig then being poz is part of the package and it is a gift because it liberates us to fully explore our sex pig selves.  I am a bottom and will take any load in my hole but I am being approached more and more often by young guys who want to be poz and want me to poz them.  I find this very exciting

[poztwink]

Yes, for a while. Then it becomes routine, 

[sthrnguy]

On 4/20/2019 at 2:47 PM, poztwink said:

Yes, for a while. Then it becomes routine, 

Pretty much what he said.  Its not been really different for me than when I was neg, other than I take a pill every day.

[Guest GoneFishing]

On 12/17/2018 at 11:50 PM, hotguy02 said:

I'm in a similar situation.  I have a top daddy breeder that recently was diagnosed poz.  We have been having sex for about 15 yrs.  Always bareback. He was always neg. Recently he tested poz amd  I'm like u. I wamt it but then I chicken out.   My top daddy told me to face my fears.   So tomorrow we are supposed to have a date and I asked him to poz me and he said yes.   So hopefully after tomorrow  I'll have his DNA 

Any updates? Is there a garden growing this spring ?

[lovetobefucked]

I've gotten fucked bare since very young. Didn't convert until i was 40. Still getting fucked bare. Can say that being poz is exciting ... having to make sure i have a job with good insurance can suck when its not a job you love.  Medicine is expensive lol

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

Exciting isn't the adjective I'd use to describe it. Terrifying, upsetting, saddening, certainly. A huge amount of denial and anger, rage even. A desire for revenge or vengeance, sure. Self-pity...yep, along with drugs and alcohol as a coping tool (doesn't work). A relief, yes. But then again I'm asymptomatic, so a lot of my existence is waiting for the other shoe to drop as I'm not on meds. I know it will come and then reality will probably come crashing down. It was bad enough figuring out it was true but I couldn't bring myself for the official diagnosis, the meds, the doctors visits and bills, the side effects, etc. I know I brought this on myself through carelessness and stupidity. I beg guys to go on Prep...don't go through this if you don't have to. Some guys put on a brave face or actually don't mind it/enjoy it. Not me. Just being honest.

[1111bb2222]

Got poz up in 2018. I have never paid for my hiv meds. With insurance and the drug company rebate. I can’t change or regret becoming positive. I have to live with it and keep moving forward 

[wood]

On 5/18/2019 at 3:29 PM, BBBoyfromTN said:

Exciting isn't the adjective I'd use to describe it. Terrifying, upsetting, saddening, certainly. A huge amount of denial and anger, rage even. A desire for revenge or vengeance, sure. Self-pity...yep, along with drugs and alcohol as a coping tool (doesn't work). A relief, yes. But then again I'm asymptomatic, so a lot of my existence is waiting for the other shoe to drop as I'm not on meds. I know it will come and then reality will probably come crashing down. It was bad enough figuring out it was true but I couldn't bring myself for the official diagnosis, the meds, the doctors visits and bills, the side effects, etc. I know I brought this on myself through carelessness and stupidity. I beg guys to go on Prep...don't go through this if you don't have to. Some guys put on a brave face or actually don't mind it/enjoy it. Not me. Just being honest.

I got to ask you, why don’t you just go to the doctor and eat on meds? As long a you are overall okay now, going on meds is pretty damn easy, and has little to no side effects for most.  It’s a much better decision than waiting until things get bad. 

[midwest79]

When I was seroconverting, I was absolutely miserable.  Psychologically and physically miserable.  The worst summer of my life.  Last thing I wanted to do was fuck.  Everything I tried to eat tasted like a ton of salt was dumped on it.  And eventually I had no appetite as I was just nauseous all the time.  I could barely eat half a small portion of dinner.  I was down from 140 to 105 pounds.  I looked like shit.  Everyone could tell just by looking at me.  It was not exciting, it was humiliating.  The first doctor's appointment was at this clinic.  I had to go upstairs to check in and then downstairs and knock on a door to be let in.  They had it set so no patients would see one another.  While I get some people wanting privacy, to me it made me feel like I should be ashamed.  Certainly nobody with cancer would hide in shame, other than putting on a brave face for family.  Speaking of which, my mother is very mentally fragile.  I tried to keep it from her and family, but seeing my emaciated, my parents figured it out.  This was right around the time my dad found out he had cancer.  My mom was so stressed out over all of this that she had a stroke.  Now, the stroke may not have been caused by stress, but to this day I feel some what responsible.  I missed a lot of work but did not want to tell my coworkers and supervisors what was going on because I was ashamed.  So it just made me look bad as I was screwing up and missing work without a proper explanation. When I did go to work, I would have vertigo and just wasn't all there.  My work performance suffered greatly.  I broke out in disgusting cystic acne all over my chest and back that took years of trying different antibiotics to get rid of.  Not exciting.  The acne remained well after I was undetectable. 

If you decide to not go on meds and if you're deluded enough to think you're going to want to have lots of sex as the HIV is progressing into AIDS, consider this... you're going to look like death if you don't get on meds.  You're only going to have so much time to "swap strains" and "charge up" other bugchasers before you're too sick to do anything but lay in the hospital and slowly die while the bear runs and cum unions and raw fuck parties go on without you.

At one point, even once I was undetectable, I was drunk... and I don't consider it rape, but I was fucked while I was half passed out.  At first I said no, but later I woke up and he was in me.  I didn't stop him because I was too drunk and just let him do his thing.  Being shitfaced and half passed out is not the time to have a dialogue about HIV status.  He was neg and he fucked me raw.  Afterwards, even though I did not want to hook up with him in the first place, word spread that we fucked and then it came out that I didn't disclose.  His friend (and someone I thought was my friend) knew I was poz and undetectable, but still was ignorant to the fact you can't transmit it when undetectable.  He ended up telling his entire circle of friends that I hooked up and didn't disclose, placing sole blame on me even though I had said no.  My reputation was socially damaged from this.  This was not at all "exciting".  It was humiliating.   And that's the thing.  Even though that was like 5 years ago, and even though people are more educated and on PReP these days, there are still guys that aren't going to want to fuck you once you're poz.  You will either have to lie or face rejection.  And if you do lie and word spreads, guys for example will pull out their phones after we've fucked and pull up scruff and go down the list of who they fucked...  So when your pic comes up (and fags do talk) if anyone knows you're poz and didn't disclose, look forward to having your reputation ruined too.  If you're a total slut that wants to fuck as many guys as possible, you will be decreasing your pool of willing partners.  Not sure why any slut would want to do that.  Especially now that PReP is an option.

It took me a while to find a cool doctor too.  I had some doctors that would lecture me about condom use every time I would go to get blood work.  I would usually request getting tested for all the standard STIs with my quarterly blood work.  Just the fact I asked for these tests was basically an admission that I was barebacking.  They didn't seem to understand that the guys that wear condoms, don't want to fuck a poz guy even with a condom.  The only guys that want to fuck me are guys that only fuck raw.  And yes, I prefer raw, but I'm not against condom use.  While I enjoy a cummy hole as much as the next cumslut, I actually prefer that the top pull out and cum in my mouth and condoms usually make that a possibility.

I don't want to sound judgmental, but I really don't understand HIV eroticism and it's a major turn off to me.  I do however very much get being turned on by danger and risk taking and wanting to be sexually liberated and the natural high of going out and having wild anonymous slutty raw sex.  But with PReP, you can have the wild fun without being destined to get HIV.  Of course there is still HPV, Hepatitis and super-gonorrhea to worry about.  For those who think, "If I'm taking Truvada anyway, what's the difference of just taking Genvoya or Atripla instead?"  The difference is, you might not always be the same cumslut you were when you were pozzed.  You might want to actually settle down some day, in which case you could have a monogamous sex life with your partner and go off PReP.  It should however be mentioned that the kind of guys that want to settle down probably don't want some pozzed up whore with anal warts.  Tenofovir is NOT good for your kidneys.  You shouldn't take PReP forever, but once you're poz, you will be taking kidney killing meds forever.  Remember, there is no cure for viruses.  The idea that there will be a cure for HIV is just not realistic.  "Functionally cured" is the best those of us with HIV can hope for.

If feel like some of this fetishization of HIV has to do with the self destructive behavior that some gay men subject themselves to due to internalized homophobia.  That they don't feel they deserve better.  I think talking to a therapist is something those of you who are bugchasing or considering doing so should do.  Because being a submissive cumdump doesn't mean you have to get HIV in the era of PReP.  Again, I'm not here to judge or kill your fun.  I'm just giving my thoughts.

I think the bugchasing is best kept as a fantasy.  For example, there are hot guys that are totally out of my league.  I can't have sex with them because they aren't interested.  I'm into big bears but a lot of them don't want a small guy like me.  So... I have to fantasize.  I have no choice.  The thing is, you do have a choice to not get HIV.  Love yourself enough to value your life.  You have more to give to the world than just sex.  The idea of being born to service men is hot role playing and all, but no, when your mother had you in her womb, her goal and all the suffering of carrying you wasn't so you could be a cumdump.  You were not born to do anything, this is what you've chosen to give into.  Maybe we can't control our desires, but we can control how we act upon them.  Choose life.

[Guest]

Fucking awesome to be honest. I think it was the greatest day of my life when I got my diagnosis. I knew that I was probably infected two months previously with the so called poz flu. Even better is that my gay son is poz and proud of his "gift".... I guess it is a feeling that you have joined the top division of the worlds masculine gay community. I have no time for neg gays who fret about getting pozzed up. Once your poz juices are  making your dick gooey and horny....

[Weighingin]

Wow, those are some incredible stories.  While I respect anyone's decision to be pozzed if that is what they really want, I would highly encourage you to do a "test run" first and make sure this is what you really want.  Once pozzed, it is incrediblly permanent.  And as someone mentioned, the medical bills are no joke.  Neither are the side effects of some of those meds.  I would go to a doctor, say you've been exposed accidentally and ask for PeP (Post-exposure prophylaxis).  These are the same meds you would be taking  for life if you test positive.  Take these meds for a month and see how you tolerate it and how harsh the side effects are for you.  Maybe join an online support group for HIV + people or talk to someone who has been living with it for a long period of time to give you an idea of the day-to-day.   Not trying to be judgemental or influence personal decisions, but I definitely think it's important to get the full picture before you make such a life-altering choice.  Best of luck!

[Guest daveOno]

i know i'll regret but i still want to convert

[boy4you]

Did I want to become Poz NO but I went down that road of being fuck raw doings lot of PNP and not taking PrEP the way I should. I took my first raw dick at 17 and tested Poz at 21. Do I regret it no so today I’m undetectable with some small heath problems but still taking raw dick.  

[mikeinjersey]

On 9/15/2019 at 10:44 AM, boy4you said:

Did I want to become Poz NO but I went down that road of being fuck raw doings lot of PNP and not taking PrEP the way I should. I took my first raw dick at 17 and tested Poz at 21. Do I regret it no so today I’m undetectable with some small heath problems but still taking raw dick.  

take my raw cock😋

[BrazilianWandering]

My body has historically responded well to collateral effects warnings, so it doesn't really bother me if I end up having it at some point, as my username suggests I have the best coverage in the world, with the most experience and easy availability of modern drugs. I've dated two poz guys (my first boyfriend, who took my virginity -- with protection, mind you) and my last, who I broke up with last weekend unfortunately. He's still very dear to me and it hurts that I have to do it. In fact, I care so much that I wish I could go back, but I know I can't for all the stuff that is going to come rushing back once I do.

Anyway, as soon as I broke up, riding on that adrenaline rush of leaving all of our History behind, I had sex with a guy from Argentina who's a teacher here, and he was very into raw sex, very built, all that jazz. Very fun session, but then I decided not to go for PEP and not to do anything. I have no idea who he is, what kind of care he takes of himself or whatever. If he's poz and undetectable, that's great, I'm even less worried. But if he's someone who's going through that "YOLO" phase, something could happen.

I take other drugs, for unrelated issues (nothing related to sex, just one of those genetic "perks"), so sometimes I get hot flashes and flu-like stuff, so I always get paranoid. But I think things are less prominent than what everyone makes us think, so I'm not especially worried.

I would say that, among my friends, we're at a 1 to 7 ratio (as far as I know). I make it a point to let people know my first boyfriend was poz so that they feel a little bit more comfortable about sharing their experiences or truths. I feel like I could round that up to a 1 to 5 at the worst, which is still better than the amount of bible-thumping evangelicals we get in Brazil in general.

Anyway, I'm thinking about PrEP now, because I want to hit the saunas. But, at the same time, on the corner of my mind, I kind of want to just let it happen. The only thing that is currently stopping me is the hassle of having to "come out" as poz to every person I might have a long-lasting relationship with. I would be really annoyed at those who are too prejudiced about undetectable guys. That's something I'm kind of bored about. So I guess I'd rather prevent than to "get there."

Then again, as a final consideration, I don't think I'd like to date a guy who openly says he wouldn't have a relationship with someone who is poz. That sounds like a major character flaw, and a lack of empathy. So maybe it's a "positive," natural filter? I know everything that's bad about it, from the pre-cocktail ages (rashes, cancers, premature deaths) to the annoying collateral effects, to the near-to but never exactly-like perfect health, and the issue of having to take a couple of pills everyday, but I still feel like being across the veil would be a liberation.

Maybe I'm fucked in the head -- I probably am --, but I don't see a huge issue with it all. I guess I'll just go for PrEP in the name of practicality and saving my family from worrying, but I wouldn't mind personally. And I don't even feel it's self-destructive, because I do want to go for the long mile. It's more of a kink. Simply.

Edited September 19, 2019 by BrazilianWandering