Who else here is into monogamy?

[BBBxCumDumpster]

On 11/19/2022 at 4:58 PM, hungry_hole said:

Monogamy is for lesbians

The only monogamous lesbians I know are my former pastor and her wife.  Otherwise, the lesbians I know are just as horny and raunchy as I am.  Well, maybe not that bad, lmfao,  but they cheat.  And if we're being honest, I have doubts about my former pastor. 

[suckerboi]

On 12/21/2022 at 12:27 PM, 120DaysofSodom said:

Cheating turns me on idk hah

This!  I love the hidden, dishonest part of it.  It's what makes it fun.  

[tallslenderguy]

On 12/21/2022 at 7:13 AM, Tanbbottom said:

To be honest I struggle with this whole topic. For the moment I'm content to muddle my way through my mixed and complex thoughts and feelings. 

My first monogamous relationship was with my former wife (who is one of my best friends to this day) Both virgins when we married nonmonogamy didn't even occur to us,  products of a predominantly monogamous culture and similar religious backgrounds. This union produced two wonderful children (& now a grandson) for which I am profoundly grateful. When I awakened to being very far to the gay side of the Kinsey Scale the process of figuring out and embracing my gay sex needs was both terrifying and exilerating. The process of leaving that marriage was exceedingly painful and gut wrenching. 

After many years of single life and a moderate number of male sexual partners, (both a few men I dated briefly and anonymous encounters in bathhouses and the woods) I entered my second monogamous relationship with my current husband. By this point I was more aware of options; but, without much thought to my experience found myself falling into a monogamous commitment. We both asked for that commitment equally. Again we had been shaped by and were not questioning the cultural myth of monogamous relationships being essential to successful relationships. 

Our sex life was never great for me. His tastes were too vanilla and I believe he was frightened by my HIV positive status. But we struggled through commited to monogamy. 

Five years in he went through a medical procedure that seemed to rob him of what I experienced as his already low libido. We tried different things to make a sexual life together work, but he was uncomfortable with all medical aids and soon our sex life totally evaporated. He would say I stopped it, I feel he did. We don't talk about this difference of opinion simply none verbally agreeing to disagree. Although we both grieve the death of any sex life we had, (admittedly me less than him) recognize our strong bond is based on far more than a sexual union.

With trepidation I asked to open the relationship recognizing it wasn't a matter of 'if' I would stray but 'when'. I knew I couldn't live without sex,  indeed that it is an important part of my life and well-being. So important, it had already torn me from the profoundly meaningful and loving relationship with my former wife. 

Without me knowing he talked about my request with a few of his long time gay friends. They assured him they had solid open relationships , one sharing his wisdom  ... "My partner fulfilled his sexual needs for years with many different men and casual sex, how could I ask him to change that?"

Eventually I brought up the topic again and he felt and thought he had given me permission,  finally sharing his talk with his wise friend with me. I confess we don't have the best communication skills especially when it comes to emotionally sensitive topics and topics with potential conflict. I own my own shortcomings as much as I observe and experience his. 

For the last couple of years, as far as I can see he has chosen to live without sex per say. I have embraced my bareback promiscuous self like never before,  but always extremely discreetly to try to keep from rubbing his face in my new found sexual freedom and excitement.  He has met and enjoyed the new found friendship of some of my fuck buddies. I didn't tell him, but he knows I have sex with these men. He has told me once that it doesn't bother him. He thought it would but on reflection knows it doesn't , even when he knows I'm off having sex.

He knows I play raw having overheard a phone call while we were driving when the clinic worker not checking to see if I was alone or not on speaker informed me I had an STD. At a later time he shared with great sympathy that he was sorry I'd had that phone call experience. But, I still don't talk with him about the pleasure I get from bb sex. Since we haven't had sex in years I know I'm not putting him at risk. 

Without negotiating rules we have slipped into a 'don't ask, don't tell ' level of communication. (Or none communication of the topic of our sex lives.) 

I know because of childhood trauma I struggle with talking freely and openly about my feelings, thoughts and needs. My partner has demonstrated his ability to accept my occasional boughts of depression and my wondering ways. But it remains very difficult for me to fully embrace my non-monogamous nature. 

I am inspired by the guys on this site that have such open and honest conversations with their partners. I'm jealous of those of you who play together with others. I  remember my profound loneliness before being with my current partner  which tempers any wishes I have to be single again. 

Yet another recent bought with crabs and a hookup that went badly has me currently not very interested in presuing sex. Maybe I'm just feeling too old for all the hard work to find it and try not to make my pursuits too obvious to the man I truly don't want to hurt. 

I know I will eventually suck a cock and have my ass stuffed with raw cock once again. I know I won't be able to avoid the temptation of backing my ass up to yet another glory hole and gratefully recieve another strangers cum painting my guts. 

I guess this long rambling post just admitts my complex journey with the topic of monogamy  and how deeply ingrained the cultural myth is for many of us. 

I'm much happier and healthier when I admit perfection doesn't exist and find the joy I can as I stumble along open to the vast possibilities. 

I love sex. I love it with trusted fuck buddies and strangers alike. Any thought of me committing to monogamy is well in my past. 

Wow! What a wonderful post. Thank you for this Tanbbottom. 

Like many, we have a lot in common. i too have a religious background that led to a 31 year marriage to a woman. i too love/loved this person, and i think she did me in some ways, though her beliefs made it impossible for her to wholly love and accept me. 

i spent a big chunk of my life admitting i'm attracted to Men, while believing because of that conditioning that i was twisted and broken. All those years of trying to change turned out to be me processing through, and out of, the cultural conditioning that made me both think and feel i was 'sick, sinful, broken, etc., etc.."

 i think a lot of guys stay stuck, or carry baggage from being conditioned against the reality of who and how they are, because instead of processing through it, they give up and 'rebel' against it.  i single quote "rebel" because i that is the conditioned word for it, the truth is what is often "rebelled" against, with no small amount of cognitive dissonance,  turns out to be a paper tiger when seen in process.  

As i see it, monogamy is often guarded by that paper tiger.  i think discussions like this that question and examine the reasons and emotions we have regarding norms like monogamy, can expose the good and bad in the concept and free us from absolutist conditioned emotions and ideas that, often unconsciously, accompany it/them.

i'd give you a lot more credit for communication skill than you seem to give yourself, i think you communicate beautifully in your post.

To me, one of the biggest impediments to communicate is fear of vulnerability. That fear causes one to hide feelings or thoughts (often even from our self) that one perceives puts them at risk for rejection, or worse. The price tag for that fear and hiding is we cannot communicate or find acceptance without exposure and vulnerability, so we can find ourselves alone... even in our most intimate relationships.   i think making a rule out of monogamy, or many other relational  rules, often discourages open communication and thwarts the very bond it supposedly supports. 

Edited December 29, 2022 by tallslenderguy

[hntnhole]

27 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

To me, one of the biggest impediments to communicate is fear of vulnerability. That fear causes one to hide feelings or thoughts (often even from our self) that one perceives puts them at risk for rejection, or worse

Beautifully said.  That tiny, fearful inner voice that presses us to fall in line, accept the repressions can be silenced when we recognize it for what it really is.  

Thanks, Tanbottom, for that lovely description of the burdens some of us bear, even if we don't need to.  As you point out, we are sexually focused beings, and that focus might be repressed, even buried, but it is never entirely expunged.  Far, far better to come to terms with Truth, and live our lives as productively, "others-focused" as we can.  

[hotguy02]

I am 38 years old and my top daddy that took my virginity is 30 years older than me he took my virginity when I was 22 I have been very loyal to him to this day he specifically told me that he does not want anybody else to fuck me or not to suck anybody else's dick but his the problem is he does not want monogamy I love the man and I wish he was all mine but unfortunately I have to share him with his other bottoms voice

[Ozpig]

Gave up on that one a long time ago

[CumSlutSam]

I’ve tried the monogamy thing but if my partner can’t give me what I need sexually then it’s not going to work out. I’ve been a cumslut for years taking raw loads from strangers. Once you’re a cumslut, it’s hard not to be one even when dating someone