skinster

This is not shyness but elevated self-awareness. Most people are not physically perfect. You are too young to give up on your own abilities and seek external help in some 'therapy'. What you need is motivation. And may be a gym. Now - that alone can have it's own rather persistent fecal nature showing, so you need to define your objective first - getting repeatedly or reliably laid or looking and feeling good. May be both. Neither of the two is guaranteed, and motivation comes and goes. Especially if your life is unsettled. So split it into smaller chunks and goals. Then work on them like individual steps to reach the top of the building. You don't expect to be able to jump up there from the get go. Same thing is here. There will be plenty of rejection anyway. Remember that it is a mutual loss - you're not the only one not getting laid at that minute. So you're not the only one left to bear it.

I can add that the aura of specialty did definitely dissipate from Cumunion events I've been to lately (NY and CA). But at the same time practice of taking a load raw became more accepted and even prevalent than years before. The more common the event, the less novelty it carries along. And more cum for the masses. And popular places still get good attendance (as opposed to everything moving on to online and apps type convenience). I hope Steamworks TO in general is still that popular, and the crowd hasn't moved on to a different venue. I was thinking recently to come visit after the time I've been away. I guess I would keep my expectations variably lower than my mileage was before.

Skilled players will be pre-lubed in the restroom for the first one. Tops would kick your hand away from the ass, bottoms will evaluate the potential to get fucked and reach out for your dick. If the hole is still dry when you grab one, that's when the individual packets of lube come in handy. Used to be a staple at most club locations and saunas, now a rarity replaced with buckets of useless condoms - they are mostly ignored. Tuck one baggie into your footwear if it's a naked night, or keep in hand. Others get fucked first time, then keep cum for lube for later. Sooner or later all holes would be slicked up.

I would venture to say - US doesn't have one that is truly Euro-style pitch-black dark. They are all dim-lit at best, or have flat out visible light levels. Could be building/fire safety codes and what not, but end result is not very conducive to anonymous sex. Toronto can give some competition, but I haven't been there recently, and remember only Steamworks from few years ago. The Zone in LA has a near-pitch-black nook on the ground floor. Some prefer Slammer, but to me they are nearly equal in terms of the crowd of the day. Sometimes a hit, some times a miss. In NYC there is not a whole lot left in my opinion - Paddles in Chelsea has such a small nook for a city this size that with usual gay attendance it is really good only for quickies, or you get crowded out. Haven't been to Rainbow Playground in LIC. Europe traditionally has plenty. Out of major cities - just 2 samples, say London and Berlin. From the pitch-black variety that is not a steamroom or other combined facility - they are very different in sizing, sometimes very simple square room (Brighton Sauna, UK)), sometimes an elaborate maze with nooks and crannies (smaller - Scheune bar, larger and more elaborate - Mutschmann's, for large events - Connection bar, all in Schöneberg, Berlin). THE LAB in Berlin is above and beyond any competition anywhere. In Munich I think the best place is Deutsche Eiche, but it's a sauna first. The best place in Barcelona in my opinion is Open Mind bar. The place is medium-sized, small corridor for blackout area, but the rest of the place is very democratically dimly lit - catch their theme nights, worth a trip. Same as The Boots in Antwerp - look up to attend an event. In Australia I remember Club 80 in Melbourne - fond memories. I've heard it is closing soon (the building got sold), but not sure how that gonna transpire, if they relocate or not. Signal in Sydney was good, but it also is already closed, seemingly without relocation.

Sorry for this being quite long. I've been back and forth about this as it reminded me of someone who was close to me at some time. Personally-involved situations with a lot of emotional weight are not easy to process. Or to quantify an injury through an official channel. I'd start on hope dying last, but the scope and number of obstacles here is such that they can not be diminished just because you are so heavily emotionally vested into this. You need an opinion that separates emotional and factual sides, and there would be more than two in an area of view with a lot of half-tones to sift through. Try to walk through this slow. Wrongful death (not a lawyer to evaluate) against 'Carl' you can suggest had Mark been pronounced dead by paramedics on scene, en route to the hospital or at the hospital. As soon as professional medical help gets involved, it is very easy for your opponent to suggest misdiagnosis, untimely treatment, incorrect dosage of whatever clever and a combination of multiples for variety. All Carl has to do is to raise doubt. A visit by paramedics would have been documented (note that for a later), a self-administered what/ever kept handy by Carl as a CYA before a quick conveyance to a said back alley would not be. Also, keep in mind that there is no antidote to meth. Usually it would be gastrointestinal decontamination as a first treatment. Medics would definitely know that. My 2 cents there would be that street meth most likely won't be just meth but a combination of nasty things, with varied levels of impurity. That will add a need for other antidotes to the picture. You really need a toxicology report to prove anything officially there (medic-to-medic, to cops, courts, etc). If the hospital did due diligence, they would have ordered it. But it won't show motive or intent or time lapse. Since Mark was treated and released, liability for the outcome is now on the hospital how they have provided the treatment and whether it was appropriate to observed symptoms and test results. Or if a follow-up was ordered and achieved and the doctor was sober at the time. And that is no longer Carl with a dirty dose in hand if you've noticed. Now Mark's subsequent condition as described would suggest some level of physical trauma, either from options of sexual intercourse or from loss of motor skills due to ingested drug, so a reported blood clot dislodged from possible multiple falls does not sound odd as a cause of death. Even though you understand in hindsight that with motor skills intact the clot would have not been separated at that time from the vessel, etc, etc, and resulting circumstances would have been very, very different. And it's possibly Carl who tricked Mark along to those circumstances on purpose to ingest whatever through a spiked water bottle at his house. Or one of other people present there, with or without Carl's direct knowledge to such effect, who had done the same or offered. Or Mark by accident grabbed the closest water bottle being not empty to quench the thirst - explanations to horrendous consequence could be many. And neither could be true. And you move between an organizer to accessory to witness to bystander to collateral damage. All having very different liabilities. Negligence is the hardest thing to prove. Intent and motive there still being void. And that looks like the best you can hope for to clarify after all this time, again, trying to keep emotions away from it. His son is dealing with grief in his own way. If you haven't bonded with him when Mark was still there and could facilitate, it's hard to expect it improve under current circumstances. He may have his own unresolved conflict with dad turning gay that he won't be willing to elaborate on to you. And any law enforcement is usually skilled enough to recognize whether they can prove as documented or deduce an otherwise obviously guilty party, or that would be a hanger of a case going cold in a New York minute. They will not go willingly for the latter, or on a limb, regardless of how convinced you are on the liability of Carl & Co. So for your options - 1- is not your current scenario. You are doing something, even though it is mostly dealing with grief, as anniversary, same nasty people thrown back into your life, etc. You probably would need to expand on it for your own sake. 2- probably holds no real value for the future. However memorable or not was the event for Carl, I can't imagine him even acknowledging that he could have done something or everything differently that Mark would have not ended up in a hospital. As noble as it would be of you, that encounter has the slimmest chances of success or gratification at the hands of Carl IMHO. But I don't suggest that you forget about it altogether. Finding closure in my experience is extremely difficult. 3- businesses of all kinds will avoid internal grief of impropriety at all cost, regardless of morality clauses or righteousness. If they would be decent enough to listen to you about what happened to Mark and how Carl was possibly implicated there, it won't parlay into any possible future work for you. On a side note, are they the only house in town/style? Probably not. What I am saying here is that there are many things in your story that can be turned upside down and inside out by a professional shyster hand with probably not a whole lot of effort. That doesn't mean that it would hurt any less. To make this effective for yourself you'd need to make it official through a formal discourse and eliminate doubt for 3rd parties. You won't be able to quantify emotions. Your version of events is only one side of the story. The courts will not see it as indisputable truth and a rock solid proof just because you've insisted on it. You will need a lot of skilled legal help if you decide to proceed so. In certain circles even an allegation of impropriety would signal to stay away from someone like Carl. Those circles are probably not very large when you talk about unsavory personalities in business of ill repute. But the biggest toll here to be is on you to have to relive all of it time and time again describing things yet again for other people. I can not claim to know that footprint on wellbeing. You've mentioned to be able to move on. Self-destructive behaviors (no pun for this place) usually are a sign to the contrary. I would suggest not to limit seeking help only to legal circles but to include as many emotional support options as possible. You will move forward whichever way you decide only when you have a sense of balance.

That's self-destruction on whole other level - you family is in the picture assuming you'd be there for them entirely unaware of what you are doing on your own. Taking risks with people that depend on you and are unaware of risks you take is an ethical problem first and foremost, before you start mixing your emotions into it, before it becomes a health problem for you and possibly a financial problem for them down the road [however much you're willing to mitigate and negate those already]. I donnow if you were considering Splitsville for your wife there, but it doesn't sound like it. You need not only therapy but a major support group (sexaholics anonymous or something) and for a very long term, because now that you know the taste of the forbidden fruit, you will not willingly forget it on your very own. And there is plenty of that fruit all around and easily available. And your kid sounds being still very young - it is hard for me to see those scales in balance.

You need to try a few things to see what works. Sureshot at low pressure would help eliminate random Deep Space 9 findings. But your gut bacteria probably is not liking that much water at once or it's quality. Also, you may register a difference between using natural fiber from foods, which is preferable, and artificially condensed commercial powders. You can try enema solution from a pharmacy or distilled water rather than just tap water to douche.

You can extend the festivities. Never hurts to rinse and repeat. Happy birthday!

The shame is out there only if you choose to take it. I would propose none of it. There is nothing to be ashamed of being a bottom. At the same time you don't have to scream it off the rooftops either. I understand your young age is still a factor. Your best argument to be made is that you can do thingS (yes, Plural) with your ass (I am fairly certain of it) your straight family members and acquaintances will NEVER experience having any possible pussy out there. Also, oral skills mastery is usually better when having direct access to equipment first hand. Cheers

I think your " large medical syringe that shoots around 50ml " has a typo in it - 50 ml is not a whole lot. May be you need to get a ShowerShot type accessory for your bathroom setup. I'd advise caution when using - your water line water pressure is very painful to the gut at full open. Start from very low and with a manual cut-off valve installed. It will take some practice to master. More natural fiber in diet to help things along too.

Yes, I'd agree with that. But why is there any fright? May be a mental discomfort for now, which is temporary. May be not 'minutes' temporary, may be 'years away', but temporary nevertheless. I've been there, the novelty of the idea(s) for you hasn't worn off yet. If you have an open-looking mind however much open, you will eventually blow the gaskets and move closer towards it. You will not run away from yourself. Now where in kinks and to what degree - give yourself time. You'd need it to get your tastes developed. Some things you'll like, some you won't. No biggie. But they won't be shocking to you even if you stand right next to it while they are in progress. Otherwise life in general would be really scary to be doing anything anywhere - I doubt it's the case for you now.

That is mostly for mineral-based oils, or lubes containing petroleum-derived components. Hardly to be found in a dark room, but that just gave me an idea - I'll keep a tub of Vaseline in my backpack for that purpose. You wanna use a rubber - I've got the Vaseline to deploy.

I think it's in the mindset. Anyone can adhere to it at any given age or time. Prior personal experience may affect it, but in general it's a pendulum motion that with passage of time creates sinusoidal track from one extreme to the opposite. It takes time to shift, amplitudes change too. I am talking about reasonable opinion development, not random chaotic jumps from one thing on to the next. So a random selection of people would not have all sinusoids matching each other, there is randomness. Not to the level of chaos, but randomness nevertheless. And it's not to the level of stigma of bare sex that I see it now. Much lesser number of people in my experience insist, suggest, use it or walk away from you if no condom is present for sex. Most of those were much younger than me, granted I know I am not the same age as them. Also, I am not seeking out 'safe-only' contacts, so my demographic is tilted. But with getting older the opinion shifts - once you go raw intentionally or by power of suggestion, you have higher chances you won't miss rubbers. Stigma on the other hand was much more evident in what I remember SF was like in late 90's. AIDS was still hardly retreating on any side. Safe sex ads were plastered on every corner, TV and all. People on the streets in Castro were much less jovial than you would've expected in your imagination. And people were turning quarter-turn away from you on the street if you happen to start talking to them. Hardly any easy smiles from passer-bys. It was so eerie. Even the crowd at the bars was noticeably subdued. May be that was just accidental for me, but very different from New York of the day. 20 odd years on, I still remember it. What you have now is a new generation and a new understanding. More elaborate information. Condom fatigue like @Read1 has mentioned after years of gay-targeted forced promotion definitely has a place. And people older or with experience making a more aware choice without being force-fed behavior patterns by people who have no part in them. I think those people have also accepted that they hold less authority on the matter, since so many people choose not to grant it to them and do their own thing sexually.

I think I've been to that dark room that you are talking about. And IT IS proper dark IMO for a proper fuck. Fast, slow, deeply satisfying and almost completely anonymous to release full contents of your balls however long you wish it to take - I'm saying "Proper" fucking experience with no need for a convo. Everything is already clear and pitch black for you. Bend the fuck over or stick it in and have a go. If you made it this far into the cellar - you're not a tourist, you're there for business. And on a good day it is busy - humps, bumps, moans and all extensive sounds of evident ongoing fucking. Hardly etiquette but my opinion - I don't think you should ruin it for others by starting to talk to explain your interests and lay down itemized any factual articulation or argue further on while holding the hand of your initially objecting friend before consummating a mutually-satisfying experience. Or have a cell phone with you to light up your surroundings jolting everyone else with a sudden burst of screen light. If mindless bitches start maneuvers with extra moves and rubbers and wiggling for a proper angle while fluttering around the room and what not else - ditch him and come back later if that hole doesn't storm off upon such conclusive rejection before you. The size of those crowns roaming the wild is sometimes overwhelming. Let them sit alone or waste someone else's time. No words are needed other than to convey your annoyance if a leechy cunt tries to attach itself to you again.

Possibly - a very long time. In prior years I've been on TimeWarner Cable ISP subcontractor in NYC area (they've sold out local services to a different company since). Such hardcoded limits to configuration basically work against majority of internet users that are just that - users. The subsequent impact that initially I personally did not suspect was that besides the obvious inflexibility of the Internet interface settings (localized DNS info specifically), the modem was also in "transparent" mode - no protections whatsoever of even a minimal nature to your traffic in and out. And you could have only one IP address, etc, etc. In other words - easily vulnerable. Several firewalls later I can say that my home network now is much more protected. I have no more roaming network queries from 3rd parties rolling through my leased ISP router and own internal systems just because my ISP had everything wide open. And prior firewall models have shown me that even a commercially-provided hardware is not shut down tight off the factory and additionally has no controls to do so - many holes in system software and vulnerabilities, especially if you keep something running for years and such. And when for a change you can control your own perimeter setup, you can set any DNS config, control any port, log and audit later any failed attempt to gain access or scan and probe your outside ports. Choose a unit with built-in automatic isolation/block feature for such intrusions. It is not a rare feature these days. That is likely beyond this thread. This probably needs IT skills above average to implement, but you will achieve multiple benefits. Including your own system security and ability to route your own traffic the way you like. I ended with Sophos XG home version - free software. But you do need to make some serious investments elsewhere. Overall solution is far from free. End result IMO - more than enough to do everything I want. Now ... if your ISP blocks common DNS ports and ACL upstream forwarders (3rd party/Root DNS) on their outside perimeter for anything but their own servers and force internal users to use only their own internal DNS servers - deep doodoo. You can also have a paywall/age-verify barrier added at that spot for certain IP results you are trying to get to. It is not a baseless cyber security-related argument, but you probably would have to educate yourself in basics of routing/firewalls first and only then move on from the ISP. I would not advocate against network security. But electronically speaking - move away nevertheless. Just don't do it with your systems open bare.

Here's an opinion for you. I think it's an acquired taste to broadcast shades of 'dirty' in sparkling shadeless fagdom of late. I don't look for fems personally, and usually skip the most flamboyant ones I encounter in play regardless of presentation. Dirty and fem is an entirely wrong combo for me. I'd rather have a clean bottom to play with that can go with a bit of a suggestion farther and farther into dirty working up some sweat. Adds the range of enjoyment, to drag a clean appearance boy lower and lower to some level of piggishness. If it smells then - it's only proper, showing the mileage and fun had as proof. But Grindr people are wonky. I've see similar reaction all over the apps, even on here. As soon as you try to pull them onto something more fun than vanilla that would let you rinse and repeat - frequently ghosted or blocked or disappeared. And as proper fantasists that's the way they should go back to their glass castles and rosy rainbow glasses. Pity you end up spending time on that. As to your question, I like a slut when I see one, with or without a smell. And after having had many a major raunch experience, your butt can't be much worse anyway. But a clean masc slut is still better for me.

You can't be a Slut if you won't go.

Totally in. Even had to decline a contact recently when the 'pig' said he won't do any. Waste of mofo time. Not like he was tagging totally vanilla either. You want to call yourself a pig - prove it and do it. All of it. It's not you getting off on me (you're a fantasist and a lousy lay hiding behind a keyboard), it's two people getting off on each other. And if I am in the mood for it - you'll be getting it. PS - Y'all needJesus - that was funny! Must be a baptism adaptation of desire and saving.

I try to extend it by switching the tempo, slowing down or doing a circular jiggle inside the hole for a second. Definitely helps to relieve the tickle and not to blow the load right away. But sometimes the hole is just so right and proper tight that you'd feel it coming on and not be able to wait any longer and just go for it - usually the biggest leaky loads and balls achy empty after. Or the rare greedy bottom has skills to gently milk your dick away for the prize and spoil the race. But a load is a load.

Yes, more than once. That was now years and years ago when I was not yet skipping the bottoms wanting a rubber. You just shove it in afterwards and keep on going.

Smooth ass and a shaved head will get me to enjoy it the most. But a willing ass - the more the merrier. It's also in the way you carry it around - that ass should be popular after.

Hop on his dick, if it's wrapped, hop off. Pull the wrapper off, hop on his dick and proceed. I doubt anyone would complain when someone else is pulling his pants off in an attempt to get fucked.

Biohazard parties in Berlin. They are the best.

I usually rent full places on AirBnB when I travel. Hosting was mostly easy all over. Few complications aside, I think is it mostly a convenient way to do it.

Proper equipment definitely plays a role - may be hard to do it on a whim without other strong play elements involved - humiliation, domination, subservience, etc. - between yourself and someone you already know. With new people you need a bit more experience under your own belt first to do it well. But you've got to start somewhere, right? Go to a play party/venue that has it as a feature and look around. You can learn by example. All things sexual are mental in the first place. If you like it, you can join in. Usually it can be in a tub, or with an inflatable pool, or at a designated wet area, inside or outside weather permitting, likely with other gear - rubber garments, funnels, hoses, catheters, hoods, spreaders, blindfolds, restraints, etc. SO there may be other financial costs involved before you jump into good action. And if it goes that way, it's never just one piece - usually many, used one after another after another or a few together. With all said and done, the play itself is a pretty strong high on power exchange between a top/tops and a bottom. This is not a vanilla kind physical contact. Depending on the setup variety - one, or more-than-one sitting, short and brief or long and satisfying. One-on-one or many-on-one. On the face of the guy, or feeding it into his gullet. Grabbing his head and shoving it deep down before you release or making him beg for it on the floor with his mouth spread wide open. On the toilet, in the toilet, in the tub, up the ass, from a bowl, all over and down the throat again. Fuck, piss into his beer bottle if you're at a club without play space and bring it out to him to drink at the bar with everyone else around. I don't think other people do it just to get soaking wet for the hell of it - you can walk fully clothed into a shower on your own without going anywhere far. But when you have the other guy(s) do it for you, and you have no control - that's what your mind would register. Or make you feel extra horny for it. Or the other way around - you can do it to someone else who is gagging for it and submitting to any of it whatever you pour out because it's you. And you want it too. Mind the cleanup or a rinse later and garbage disposal. Otherwise - easy and very intimate type experience man to man. Top straight down to bottom. And if your dick got hard reading this - you have the mind for it. Enjoy