tallslenderguy

Agreed. In my experience, net hook ups worked better in the early days of internet connecting for sex. But i think online hookup culture has changed over time. Going way back to AOL chat rooms? i had some really awesome hook up sex, and "ghosting" was not even part of the vocabulary. Even with CL, i got a lot of great walk in breed and go with that before Aunt Pearl got them shut down. Meanwhile, if you can find them, actual causing spots still remain the gold standard for me. Online involves to many steps, planning, travel, etc.. Put horny guys in the same location and sex is going to happen. Put horny guys in a location that is known for sex happening, and it's gonna happen with abandon lol.

Both really. All those things but also some form of established gay community/culture. The last place i had that was in Louisville KY. Louisville was a surprise for me. i had season tickets each year to Actors Theater, the restaurants there are often on the food channel, and i had gay friends to socialize with. I'd go out usually once a week just with friends who were also gay. That's easier to come by in a larger city with a larger gay population. It's hard to take a walk in Palm Springs without tripping over a gay person lol. That's pretty true in Ft Lauderdale too from my limited experience.

i started over in 2008 after divorcing... former wife got a everything, a sizable fortune. Was either that or pay alimony till i died. That to say, i cannot picture ever being able to retire. i'm doing well, changed careers and became a critical care nurse 10 years ago, so i can pretty much live anywhere... though another country might be a challenge? Especially with the language barrier? Maybe a place where there's lots of expats and they need an English speaker? i looked seriously at Palm Springs, toured the hospitals where i'd work, then the pandemic hit. i vacation in PS a couple of times a year. It's about 40% gay from what i have read. It's also close proximity to San Diego and LA. Summers are very hot, not for everyone, it is a desert. Winter is short, the mountains around PS have snow in the winter. I've been there in the spring and enjoyed weather in the 80's with snow on the surrounding mountains. Lots of gay resorts, and hook up sex is readily available and easy. It's the only place i've ever been where a guy will hit on me right on the street lol. Expense wise? Real estate would be a lateral move for me, but everything else in CA is more expensive than most places (cept maybe big cities like NYC, Ontario, Vancouver). Everything cost more, food, gas, taxes. Having lived in a small town for the last 10 years, it can be frustrating not having a large gay community for friends and sex, so culture is a consideration as well as sex. PS has all of that and more, especially with its proximity to SD, LA and Mexico. It still tempts me.

True, but i am not particularly seeking an evidence based relationship <3. Thank you for your considerate response here, and in this forum in general. i value your thoughtful presence on BZ. i did have one 31 year relationship, married to a woman as a gay guy. It wasn't what either of us needed in many ways, but it was a real relationship in many ways. Processing out of that relationship brought me to a non traditional, but honest, real place. For instance, i do not consider love/romance to necessarily be monogamous, nor am i locked into non-monogamy either. i don't believe in the Disneyesque ideas of 'one true love' or that nature (or who/whatever) has selected just one match. To me, that's more storybook. Which is not to suggest that i think one cannot experience someone who ends up being their one true love. Lol, i know, i should run for office with my ability to take either side in an argument. As i have come to see it, relationship starts with self knowledge. i believe to have a successful relationship, we have to know our own needs and wants. Along with that knowledge, i think we have to develop the skills of communication and invest in open disclosure with guys we want to have a potential relationship with. i think the notion that love is something one "falls into" is haphazard at best. Been there, it didn't work when it came down to filling in for lack of compatibility. i love/loved my former wife, but i'me gay, she's straight, we're both 'bottom,' she's conservative religious, i cannot commit to a supposed being i cannot reasonably substantiate. Any one of those could nix a romantic relationship. We had those and more. i do lean into (heavily) the idea of yin/Yang and that opposites attract and bond, thus the need for self knowledge and self disclosure. Where i seem to run into issues is meeting guys whose eyes don't roll back in their heads when i start talking that way. You may be right about the use of internet being a poor choice for meeting someone. The few social venues i have tried all seem to come with paired people. i suppose i could consider becoming a home wrecker. Seriously though, i think you make a good point about trying venues other than online. i do live in a small town, not much of a gay community, but perhaps should try harder at something different. i'm not desperate, but i'd like something more.

i don't seem to be able to escape or quench the desire for a romantic relationship. i've watched way to many romantic gay movies where romance is portrayed, but have never found that irl with a guy. Not for lack of trying. i've been on dating sites for years where scads of guys claim to be looking for intimate, romantic relationship. But many of those are scammers. The real ones often do not have a profile, or a cookie cutter profile that says generic stuff like "like to eat out, watch movies, walk on the beach" lol. sigh. i have detailed profiles that i keep up to date for guys looking to read and respond to. Easily 90% of the time, i am the one to initiate conversation, which is not easy when all a guy has in a profile is "looking for ltr." 9 times out of 10, guys do not respond... okay, it's obvious i'm not the droid they are looking for. Still, my overall impression is that guys don't really want romantic relationship, or they have no idea how to be a part of the effort to make one happen? i'm rambling, i know. Be interested to read the thoughts and feelings of others on this topic. i know, it's complicated.

Just left. i was sitting down for tea and He texted me and asked if i could be ready before He went to work. Always a little nervous getting ready so fast, He drives over and waits in my driveway when He's really wanting it. i hesitated, so He called and i was demurring because He also said "later." On the phone He said how horny He was when i was hesitating and said: "are you sure? you know you really want that dick." He knows me, i said i'd text Him when prepped. It's not at all about the short notice, He's right, i always want His cock in me, just that fear of short notice prepping. He only had a short time, wanting to fit a fuck in before work, which is so fucking Hot. It's not just a Mans cock and cum i love, it's the lust that drives it... a Mans lust always evokes my own and opens my hole and makes it hungry. It's full now. Sometimes fast fuck can be so satisfying.

i don't get sick that often, average is every 3 or 4 years i get something, and it usually lays me out... i don't even wanna get up, let alone roll over or clean out. i have to force myself to drink water just to stay hydrated. If i'm feeling that rotten, i'm not gonna want sex or to risk giving it to someone else.

i love ass... to look at. Visually? It's my favorite part of a Mans body. When i'm at the gym, i gawk a lot at Mens asses. i love to touch and maul ass but rimming 'feels' top to me, and getting rimmed feels like prep for getting penetrated and bred. i know it's not universal, but it's part of my wiring, so i've generally been a non-rimmer. Enter my current FB. He's been breeding me 3 years and in the last year or so has really gotten into receiving oral. i'm typically more bottom than oral, but He is so expressive when my mouth is on Him, the connection is intense. His response puts me in the zone and keeps me there. i don't feel manipulated, but He has control with His obvious pleasure and i've been rimming Him as part of our foreplay for several months now. It's not the rimming i get into, it's His response. He moans and tells me how good it is when i'm giving Him oral, coaches, and that drives me wild. He is generally quiet when fucking me, though He goes back and forth between kissing my back and pounding me hard, and that speaks for itself. But i love when He moans and tells me what He wants and how He feels, and i get all of that when i am using my mouth and tongue with Him... so Him? i rim.

It wanes a lot in Oregon. Seems like it's always waning.

Yes. i have never experienced a more intense and intimate connection with another person than through this mutual act. And it never gets old, for me it has only gotten better the more i grasp and go for this kind of connection.

This makes sense to me, even though i do not relate. i've got a history where a relationship saw and treated me like a paycheck, and it fucked with my sensibilities about money and (what i perceive as) intimacy. But i realize that's me. i believe they're a guys on both sides of the dynamic that get off on things like findom, for instance. i could never connect in that way, but it doesn't make what they have any less valid in my mind, i don't have to participate. i think morality fails when one makes their ego/ethnocentric notions an authority over others. Sure, society has to have laws, but laws can go too far. "Sodomy" used to be a felony in the US. While we all have similarities, we are all individual, different. Processing out of fundamentalist religious conditioning permanently burned me out on the notion of absolute, universal notions. For whatever reason, you are wired this way and as far as i'm concerned, if you get pleasure this way, awesome. i've got plenty of kinks that do not aline with other guys, no biggie. We connect where we can, and don't try and force is where there isn't a connecting place.

i was making a possible distinction between what you do and what a prostitute does. They continue to do the work for money, sans gratification. The question remains though: Would you continue to have the kind of sex you have in the absence of a sense of "gratification of successfully performing a task [you] can do well?" If the answer is "yes," to me it looks more like unpaid work, if the answer is "no," to me it seems you are generally getting more than a sense of gratification for a job well done from what you do. You state it "doesn't feel like a biological drive." To me, it seems biological may be one of the factors that make up your total effort. idk, i'm speculating. Right or wrong, my sense is you physically enjoy getting fucked and bred, that it's "pleasurable" for you. i think that "pleasure" factors in to why you do it, and that strikes me as biological, both physical and psychological. If all the guys who contacted you were like the one last night with the long cock that gagged you, would your motivation of "performing a task...well" suffice to motivate you to continue providing "service"? Again, i don't think it's a question with a universal answer, i think it's personal. For instance, i think there are prostitutes who would continue to do stuff they don't like for the money, but i think there are also prostitutes who would opt out of particular tasks. As to your reframed question? i can see it going either way, but that's just one guys point of view. To me, what you describe can be a form of barter. You provide a service in exchange for the opportunity to do a job "well." my take is there is more to it than that, that you derive physical pleasure from getting fucked, emotional pleasure from being desired, but that's speculation on my part. i do imagine there are paid sex workers who get both physical and emotional pleasure from their work to some degree, even if it's not a primary factor. That there are some who would do it ongoing for money alone? Idk, i think that's a hard one to parse out. Would the same guy have sex with a woman for money? No? Why? Because they are not sexually attracted to women? So now "attraction" becomes a factor in addition to money. i don't think it's a question with a simple, black or white (or static) answer.

Great discussion topic nekofox, thanks for starting it! Like NWUSHorny, i've always found the bathhouse scene in Portland OR to be lukewarm at best. Two BH's, Steam and Hawks. i've never been to Steam, been to Hawks several time pre Covid and discovered i could get a hella lot more sex at my local ABS in Albany OR than i ever got at Hawks, an that was pre pandemic. As a side note to nekofox's OP, i think Hawks in LV was owned by the same peeps as PDX? i've been to both. i was surprised by the LV location, that is was pretty dead. i only went once and found it a waste. i got more action on aps and doing anonymous walk in in my hotel room in Vegas, the BH was a waste of time for me. This spring i went to Slammers in Ft Lauderdale. It was so busy they had overflow parking and a lot attendant. i did go on a Saturday, but suspect locals can attest to it being a thriving venue? i also went to Palm Springs this year and stayed at All Worlds. They have "The Maze," which is essentially a BH as part of the hotel. It's closed during the week and opens on weekends, but stays busy till late afternoon on Sunday. i think both PS and Ft L have a larger than average gay population, so that may factor into the success of gay sex venues in the area? ABS still seem pretty active to me, but i suspect they attract a different sector of guys, many closeted and on the DL who might not be likely to frequent an openly gay venue? Of course, the net and aps have evolved hook up. When i lived in VA, Hampton Roads had a huge military presence and cruise parks that always had 30 horny guys. There was lots of socialization as well as sex. Those places are not used in that way anymore (i've tried on subsequent visits back east, dead as the proverbial door nail). Hello grindr.

Upfront, i want to qualify that i do not think this question has a simple, universal answer. With that said... i think you answer your question for yourself, at least part: you do it for the "gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well." While there are likely prostitutes who take pride in doing their task well, i don't think it's a qualifying factor? I.e., i'm sure there are plenty of prostitutes who just go through the motions and want to get it over with and derive no sense of gratification from a blow job well done, that "gratification" it doesn't even factor in. Reversing it, if you ceased to get the sense of gratification... would you still do it? i think a prostitute doing sex solely for money would (and does). And, while this is a subjective perception on my part, i believe there is a "receptive role" involved as well. There's lots of bottoms who would likely be brought "to a state of sexual gratification" if you fucked them, but i'm guessing that is not a service you offer? my guess is, most prostitutes will Top or bottom for a fee? Though i'm sure there are exceptions there as well. Again, i don't think this has a simple answer.

I don't know that this has a definitive or universal answer, but i'll add my own thoughts/feelings. For me, sex is largely about symbiotic connection of mutual lust/desire. For me, sex is missing something crucial if that is not there. i need/want to perceive the other persons desire for me, and i need/want them to get that from me as well. i never want it to be one sided. Of course, i cannot control their perception, but on my part, i only want sex where i can honestly express sincere desire for that other person. If i don't have that, i'll pass. For me, sex would be work for both me and the sex worker if i had to pay for it. The money would get in the way of my need/desire to connect with his need/desire and it would not be the kind of sex i want/need. In a sense, it would be "work" for both of us.

Just left. Was eating lunch and reading and my FB called. Said He was on lunch break and apologized for the short notice, asked if i could be ready in 5 minutes. i can't say no to Him, or i never want to. So i said i'd try and text when i was ready. Did a quick clean out (i;m getting expert at that) and checked, He was already parked in my driveway, so i texted "ok" and got on my bed naked and ass up as usual. Lately i've been giving Him a lot of oral foreplay, so asked what He wanted when He came in: "i just wanna fuck you." Hell yes!! Said He was going to Chicago for 5 days and wanted to unload in me before He went. Yes please and thank You. He fucks like a Bull in Heat. He's a solid piece of muscle, and when He gets going, He pounds the hell out of me. i squeeze His cock hard with my hole intermittently, push back into Him when He pauses to kiss my back. i can officially say i'm well bred, gaped and cream pied.

i've tried it a few times, but at best i think phone could only ever be foreplay for me. i have to physically be with the person to qualify as actual sex. Prior to cell phones, aps and hookup sites, there were 'personal ads' in newspapers, or the gay section of throw away publications that had phone sex services. Writing back and forth prior to meeting can be good foreplay for me, but so many guys seem to use that as an end in itself. Enter the age of the "flake," where there is a whole cadre of guys who only seem to engage in wank sex? Even with writing/sexting, i find very few who give as good as they get. i'll write a detailed, imaginative paragraph and get a two word reply. It becomes obvious i'm just their porn source. The few times i experienced phone sex it was similar. Input and Feed back fuels my desire. If i'm gonna have sex, i want the real thing. If i'm just gonna jerk off, i'll watch an amateur vid on squirt and imagine i'm the bottom.

Just left about 5 minutes ago. He called while i was in the middle of lunch and laundry, but it had been a week... hell, it doesn't matter how long it's been, if He wants it, i do. We have a very non traditional connection now for over three years. As He's leaving, He'll often talk about hitting me up the same night for another round, but rarely does. Usually breeds me once or twice a week, sometimes 10 days. i start to really miss Him beyond a week, but i also have come to appreciate that more frequently might be too much? Not that one can fuck too much, i can take it all day, if the chemistry and energy is there. The way it is now, it's always fresh... for both of us. Which strikes me as pretty special. We don't really have much in common other than the Top/bottom dynamic... He loves to fuck and i love to get fucked. He loves for me to go down on Him, and i get totally zoned by His obvious pleasure when my mouth is on Him . He's normally so quiet when He fucks, i make all the involuntary moaning noises (He sent me a video of Him fucking me and i was really surprised by the sounds that He fucked out of me). But He is so expressive when my mouth is on Him, kissing, licking, biting, sucking everywhere between HIs knees and navel. His expressiveness drives me wild and fuels my lust, i never get tired or wanna stop until He says He wants to fuck me. It's really remarkable to me how long and how fresh our mutual lust and enjoyment has stayed. i think if we tried to force it into some mold, it wouldn't work. As it is, it's just stayed organic, natural my hole is so creamy right now. Some of His semen gets on the outside of my hole... well, it's really more of a gaped cream pie, and i have taken to fingering and tasting Him after He pulls out and takes a shower before leaving.

i'm very sensitive about any exchange of remuneration for sex, be it dinner, a place to stay or outright cash. i only want sex with a Guy Who wants me for the connection that happens through the sex. For me, sex is a mutual connection of desire and i lose that connection if i know the guy wouldn't do it without money. But that's just me, it's not a standard i think should be universal. i get that there are guys who get turned on by being paid or paying for it, to me, that is different. i'm not into it, but i'm not opposed to it either. i have nothing against sex work or exchanging money for sex. i think my needs and desires should NEVER be imposed as a standard for others. I've been approached and asked for money in exchange for sex and i simply say, no thanks and wish the person good luck. Theft and extortion, black mail, those are different issues.

i don't think this has a one size fits all answer. To me, one of the worst offenses a person can commit against another is to violate their volition. Public figures who purposely influence legislation or social standards that affect gay people in a negative way? Yeah, i think they have given up any reasonable respect of their privacy as regards gay matters. If they are attacking gays, it borders on ridiculous to me to expect that gay people will not fight back. To me, their attacking gay sexuality is a violation of gay peoples privacy, so it seems to me, outing them is subjecting them to their own standards. By the same token, a public figure who has no record of causing harm to gay people and chooses to keep their sexuality private? i'd consider it morally wrong to violate their privacy. As far as it ever being "acceptable for a gay/bi person to pass as straight?" Lol, i'm a critical care nurse, a stereotypical gay profession for a male, and i have to frequently explain to people that i'm gay. Apparently, i do not come off as gay, can't tell by looking. i'm actually kind of disappointed that i get asked out on dates from women and have never been approached by a guy where i work. Apparently i don't "pass" as gay.

Technology has influenced and evolved the mating ritual, eh? This reads to me like a part of you already knew you were dealing with someone who had minimal potential for deep connection lol. As you note, "rando... no profile." And, fetishizing STD's, which while not all that rare, still isn't mainstream. You didn't like it, but a part of you saw the "red flags." Or, at least, you see them retrospectively. i suspect, with time and experience, those things will mold you to some degree and you (all of us really)will develop new responses to new situations? We adapt or respond and are a part of the social evolution. The thing about aps/online is it's a worldwide melting pot. There really isn't one set standard. Online is still sorta unprecedented as a social environment to the point we have terms with new meaning like: "IRL," "virtual," "ghosting." Such terms, and what they convey with their current meaning, didn't exist prior to the internet and "social media."

i rarely hear/read this from... anyone really. i often get blank stares when i try and explain i'm wired to be seeded, like a garden. To me, what You describe is a defining attribute of being a Top. i see a Top as so much more than a sexual position and i see "cock" as more than a penis. To me, both are part of His nature and drive to penetrate, fuck, seed, impregnate, create, possess. i see "bottom" as natures provision for Tops and Tops as natures provision for bottoms. we see the attraction of opposites throughout nature, Protons, electrons (and the versatile neutron lol), so it all makes sense to me and seems natural.

It's been a long while really, 8 years? That's when i got both HIV and Syphilis from the same Guy before moving from VA to OR. He bred me regularly and said He was disease free. No biggie, i don't ask, He just volunteered, but apparently didn't know or was lying. i don't sweat it or stigmatize STD's, to me it's like catching a cold, just from the other end. i'd take His cock again, anytime. Since then, i've had plenty of cock, just have managed to not get anything, even with sexcations to gay resorts in Ft Lauderdale and Palm Springs (both this year). i have a regular FB who breeds me a couple of times a week for the last 3 years, but i think i'm His only male sex partner, and have never gotten anything from Him. So i guess i'm 'blessed' lol.

Hi, And welcome. There's a great group of guys on BZ, lots of interesting, informative discussion, not to mention a lot of variety. i've been here for several years and have not found it's equal as an online gay community... a lot more here than "breeding." It seems nature has instilled a strong sex drive in most guys, probably why it's called a "drive," because it often drives us vs us controlling it lol. You sound like a perfectly normal guy, and being "a little scared" is part of that normalcy me thinks. Strange about the "invisible barrier" you speak of. i think it likely that people are afraid when in a foreign environment, especially as a tourist. Maybe not being familiar with customs and culture makes one more cautious, and frankly, afraid. Even in this country, i remember that getting sex was a process i had to figure out, not something that happened in a week... which may be all a tourist has in your country? This seems one instance where Aps actually may facilitate things, though i've read of fears from guys touring other countries where they were afraid to hook up with locals because of fears of being victimized by predators. i imagine that would be a fear any could have visiting any new environment. Too bad, likely a lot of lost opportunities. Hope you stick around and get to know us, interact and become part of the BZ community.

Agreed x10. We have no control over how others perceive us, we can only control our own self perception and our attitude and actions that result. To me, the question of equality is way too involved and complex to answer in most hook up situations. To me, D/s, Top./bottom are not about equality or inequality. They're about attraction of opposites, and ideally, the balance of symbiosis where each person naturally gets their need/desires met by being who and how they are sexually. The reason i take a hard pass on a guy that doesn't want/need me as much as i want/need Him is because, to me, that is an essential ingredient. Guys who have to make a point of inequality, asserting supposed superiority, come off as disingenuous at best. The top doth protest too much methinks. It has the opposite effect on me, like driving a big truck to try and compensate or cover for feelings that are not superior at all. i find honest, open, vulnerable expression of need/desire to be courageous and powerful, not weak or inferior. To me, a superior attitude is just a costume in an act, and i don't want to play with sex, i want the real thing, the real person.