tallslenderguy

i think this is a great question. We are sensual beings: vision, taste, touch, smell, hearing. i think through experience, we can our needs/desires can be fed and evolve through the exercise of all of those senses, switching them up and not being dependent or allowing certain senses to dominate our choices. i had a FB for about a year and a half Who visited about once a week. i was always waiting door open, lying face down/ass up, naked... and blind folded. i never saw Him, so my experience with Him was through my other four senses... and wow, we had a great thing going.

i'm with Davidc on this one, albeit from a bottom's perspective. i get it, the idea of the other being in charge, control. i've been stealth pissed before and it really turned me on when i realized what happened. Similar idea or energy behind it i think. To me (i'm speculating), what you are describing is a desire for the Top to be in control and independently do something to/with you that you really want/need. I.e., you want His desire/need to breed you to be His own, independent of your influence. you don't want His motive to breed you to be because you want/need it but because He wants/needs it. As i see it for myself anyway (again, speculating about you), any manipulation on your part to somehow lead or trick Him into doing that would be ultimately self defeating because you'd still have the question: did He breed me because it was all His desire or because i lead him that way? To me, the question is: who do you want to be in charge of the decision to inseminate or not?

i have a FB Who is blurring this for me, well, sort of. my perception of being bottom is about more than fucking, A major component is about penetration, be it finger, dildo, tongue, __________. i read of a lot of 'tops' who like to be rimmed, and to me that's something i've always felt is a bottom trait (it's a purely emotional response for me, not a rational one). Same mostly goes for having my penis sucked or even touched. "Mostly" because there are circumstances where it works for me. If a Top is purposely touching my penis just get me hornier for His Cock, but never to make me cum that way, it connects to the bottom in me and is really hot. So, back to my FB of three and a half years now. He hits me up regularly for sex, Saturday was twice. the last year or so He has gotten into sucking me. At first, i hesitated, but i really like this Guy, so even though i've told Him i'm not into it, i did it for Him, and now it's a pretty regular thing. i think what makes it okay for me is He has never once made me cum in the 3.5 years we've had sex (hundreds of times). So, psychologically, His sucking me falls into the category of just getting me more needy for His Cock. As i think about it, He has never touched my penis, just sucks it. Last six months or so, He has really gotten into me sucking Him... which has morphed into really me being oral with Him. He is normally really quiet and unexpressive when we have sex, but when i am giving Him oral sex, He gets very verbal in a way that super charges my lust for Him, puts me and keeps me in the zone until He is ready to fuck and breed me... and it always ends up with Him breeding me, He's never cum in my mouth. The "morphed" part is He loves me to suck, kiss, lick pretty much anything between His knees and navel... including His hole. He loves to be rimmed. Again, this is something i generally feel is a top activity, but He is so into it that i end up pulled in by His pleasure. It's been some time now, but i even fucked him once when he was very new at male with male sex (he's bi). i was clear i was just doing it once, and He's never asked or hinted at me fucking Him again. But He really gets into me rimming Him and always fucks me hard afterwards. To me, being oral and a cocksucker are bottom. The rimming part is blurry for me, but so far it doesn't feel to me like He is feeling bottom when i do it. lol. i know, complicated.

This is pretty much me too, verbatim. For me (and i think for a lot of guys), it's not just a physical cock i am looking for but His desire to use His cock in me. His lust/desire/need triggers and fuels mine, and i've seen signs that the same is true for Him, that my lust/desire/need triggers and fuels His.

Speculating, i'd bet You have a better, more detailed sex drive now than You did as a teen, that with practice, You've built up neuro pathways that enhance Your sex drive beyond the fuel of testosterone. 🙂❤️

Yesterday evening. He fucked me missionary, which almost never happens, i'm almost always face down. Prior to getting bred, my face was buried for some time between His thighs and my mouth was everywhere. i had His scent on me for hours afterwards and was high from it most the night.

i so agree with you. me receiving a 'small dick' is in no way a sympathy or altruistic gesture. i want a Mans Cock in me as much as He wants to put it inside of me, physical size is not a determining factor for me. 🙂

It's a complex topic. As BootmanLA notes, "responses...will be all over the map." Our sex drive/libido has more than one source fueling it. For instanstance, there is gonadal production of testosterone, which tends to decline over time. Butt having sex also stimulates the vagal nerve and that affects mood centers of the brain: "There is preliminary evidence that vagus nerve stimulation is a promising add-on treatment for treatment-refractory depression, posttraumatic stress disorder..." [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00044/full Then there's factors like this, which to me suggest that the more we have sex, the more we will want it. "Replicating past findings, no significant correlations between testosterone (T) and desire in men were apparent, but these analyses showed that the null association remained even when psychological and confound variables were controlled. Men showed higher desire than women, but masturbation frequency rather than T influenced this difference. Results were discussed in terms of challenges to assumptions of clear links between T and desire, gendered approaches to T, and the unitarity of desire." [think before following links] [think before following links] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22552705/ i'm being speculative here, but the above evidence to me suggests that the more one has sex, the more one's sex drive increases or maintains. i thought the second study was interesting in that the frequency of sex ("masturbation") with men was the driving factor over testosterone production. To me, this may in part account for the "all over the map" differences in our sex drives. To me, the implication is, the more we exercise the libido, the stronger the libido becomes, or maintains. And then there's edging lol.

my wiring is like several others who have responded. To me a Tops Cock is much more than a physical organ betwixt His legs. It's part of His psychological make up. i have had some incredible breedings by Men Who have smaller physical Cocks, but Their internal Cock is huge. When a Man fucks me, i get more than a penis and cum, i also get His desire/need to penetrate and inseminate me. i also get His orgasm, which i see as connected, but a distinct part of copulation. Sure, a big physical Cock is great, but if size is all that matters, one can purchase some huge dildos. i've been with Guys Who had big physical cocks, but Their "internal" cock was small. I'd take a big internal Cock over a big physical Cock if it came down to that.

Wow, some great responses! i was one of those (not rare) gay guys who was conditioned by both religious and straight culture to believe that being gay is "sinful, broken, sick, etc.", ad nauseam. That was really hard for me to process out of, especially when one equates such belief as equal to "God." A trick of some forms of religion (fundamentalism) is to transfer human agenda onto an invisible and unaccountable being one cannot nail down. Long story short, as a result, i married (a woman). Seven years into marriage, i had my first sex with a Guy and after that, there was no going back. i tried to be straight. i was still mind fucked thinking i was wrong, so i stayed married and cheated, all the while going to 'reparative therapy' and trying all the voodoo stuff my religion proffered as a 'cure.' Personally, i think the reasons for cheating are destructive and a waste. i too am for deconstructing the notions that result in lying and cheating vs staying imprisoned by ideas that do not fit reality, that result in fake or dishonest living.

i can't speak universally, but for me the connection is mutual, primal lust. When i realize the lust in Man to penetrate and breed me, it connects to my desire/need to be penetrated and bred... it almost seems autonomic lol.

i think we're on the same page with this, or at least in the same chapter? The way i look at it is we all have connecting places in us along the sexual spectrum (really, i think in general and i don't think sex is connected to other parts of our make up, but we're talking sex). To goal for me is to have mutual connection with as many of those places with a Man. i have "wanton behavior" as a connecting place and connect with Men Who are feeling and exercising it too. i don't experience connection as a strictly defined event, it's different with everyone. Yeah, i do want to connect to as many places as i can with a Guy, but wanton (casual) is connection too for me. i think i find connection more in the mutuality of the desire/need.

Makes perfect sense to me. i don't see any reason that the drive would be any less in a Top than a bottom. The difference? A bottom doesn't have a physical refractory period to deal with. Many bottoms take a cock and it whets their appetite for more once he gets seeded. A Top needs recovery time, and that varies from Top to Top. i do see the distinction i think You're making between a Top and a Breeder. To me, there's an added psychosexual layer the more connected a Top is to His need/desire to breed. i think that feeds into His lust and helps give it muscle, make Him more virile?

Agreed. In my experience, net hook ups worked better in the early days of internet connecting for sex. But i think online hookup culture has changed over time. Going way back to AOL chat rooms? i had some really awesome hook up sex, and "ghosting" was not even part of the vocabulary. Even with CL, i got a lot of great walk in breed and go with that before Aunt Pearl got them shut down. Meanwhile, if you can find them, actual causing spots still remain the gold standard for me. Online involves to many steps, planning, travel, etc.. Put horny guys in the same location and sex is going to happen. Put horny guys in a location that is known for sex happening, and it's gonna happen with abandon lol.

Both really. All those things but also some form of established gay community/culture. The last place i had that was in Louisville KY. Louisville was a surprise for me. i had season tickets each year to Actors Theater, the restaurants there are often on the food channel, and i had gay friends to socialize with. I'd go out usually once a week just with friends who were also gay. That's easier to come by in a larger city with a larger gay population. It's hard to take a walk in Palm Springs without tripping over a gay person lol. That's pretty true in Ft Lauderdale too from my limited experience.

i started over in 2008 after divorcing... former wife got a everything, a sizable fortune. Was either that or pay alimony till i died. That to say, i cannot picture ever being able to retire. i'm doing well, changed careers and became a critical care nurse 10 years ago, so i can pretty much live anywhere... though another country might be a challenge? Especially with the language barrier? Maybe a place where there's lots of expats and they need an English speaker? i looked seriously at Palm Springs, toured the hospitals where i'd work, then the pandemic hit. i vacation in PS a couple of times a year. It's about 40% gay from what i have read. It's also close proximity to San Diego and LA. Summers are very hot, not for everyone, it is a desert. Winter is short, the mountains around PS have snow in the winter. I've been there in the spring and enjoyed weather in the 80's with snow on the surrounding mountains. Lots of gay resorts, and hook up sex is readily available and easy. It's the only place i've ever been where a guy will hit on me right on the street lol. Expense wise? Real estate would be a lateral move for me, but everything else in CA is more expensive than most places (cept maybe big cities like NYC, Ontario, Vancouver). Everything cost more, food, gas, taxes. Having lived in a small town for the last 10 years, it can be frustrating not having a large gay community for friends and sex, so culture is a consideration as well as sex. PS has all of that and more, especially with its proximity to SD, LA and Mexico. It still tempts me.

True, but i am not particularly seeking an evidence based relationship <3. Thank you for your considerate response here, and in this forum in general. i value your thoughtful presence on BZ. i did have one 31 year relationship, married to a woman as a gay guy. It wasn't what either of us needed in many ways, but it was a real relationship in many ways. Processing out of that relationship brought me to a non traditional, but honest, real place. For instance, i do not consider love/romance to necessarily be monogamous, nor am i locked into non-monogamy either. i don't believe in the Disneyesque ideas of 'one true love' or that nature (or who/whatever) has selected just one match. To me, that's more storybook. Which is not to suggest that i think one cannot experience someone who ends up being their one true love. Lol, i know, i should run for office with my ability to take either side in an argument. As i have come to see it, relationship starts with self knowledge. i believe to have a successful relationship, we have to know our own needs and wants. Along with that knowledge, i think we have to develop the skills of communication and invest in open disclosure with guys we want to have a potential relationship with. i think the notion that love is something one "falls into" is haphazard at best. Been there, it didn't work when it came down to filling in for lack of compatibility. i love/loved my former wife, but i'me gay, she's straight, we're both 'bottom,' she's conservative religious, i cannot commit to a supposed being i cannot reasonably substantiate. Any one of those could nix a romantic relationship. We had those and more. i do lean into (heavily) the idea of yin/Yang and that opposites attract and bond, thus the need for self knowledge and self disclosure. Where i seem to run into issues is meeting guys whose eyes don't roll back in their heads when i start talking that way. You may be right about the use of internet being a poor choice for meeting someone. The few social venues i have tried all seem to come with paired people. i suppose i could consider becoming a home wrecker. Seriously though, i think you make a good point about trying venues other than online. i do live in a small town, not much of a gay community, but perhaps should try harder at something different. i'm not desperate, but i'd like something more.

i don't seem to be able to escape or quench the desire for a romantic relationship. i've watched way to many romantic gay movies where romance is portrayed, but have never found that irl with a guy. Not for lack of trying. i've been on dating sites for years where scads of guys claim to be looking for intimate, romantic relationship. But many of those are scammers. The real ones often do not have a profile, or a cookie cutter profile that says generic stuff like "like to eat out, watch movies, walk on the beach" lol. sigh. i have detailed profiles that i keep up to date for guys looking to read and respond to. Easily 90% of the time, i am the one to initiate conversation, which is not easy when all a guy has in a profile is "looking for ltr." 9 times out of 10, guys do not respond... okay, it's obvious i'm not the droid they are looking for. Still, my overall impression is that guys don't really want romantic relationship, or they have no idea how to be a part of the effort to make one happen? i'm rambling, i know. Be interested to read the thoughts and feelings of others on this topic. i know, it's complicated.

Just left. i was sitting down for tea and He texted me and asked if i could be ready before He went to work. Always a little nervous getting ready so fast, He drives over and waits in my driveway when He's really wanting it. i hesitated, so He called and i was demurring because He also said "later." On the phone He said how horny He was when i was hesitating and said: "are you sure? you know you really want that dick." He knows me, i said i'd text Him when prepped. It's not at all about the short notice, He's right, i always want His cock in me, just that fear of short notice prepping. He only had a short time, wanting to fit a fuck in before work, which is so fucking Hot. It's not just a Mans cock and cum i love, it's the lust that drives it... a Mans lust always evokes my own and opens my hole and makes it hungry. It's full now. Sometimes fast fuck can be so satisfying.

i don't get sick that often, average is every 3 or 4 years i get something, and it usually lays me out... i don't even wanna get up, let alone roll over or clean out. i have to force myself to drink water just to stay hydrated. If i'm feeling that rotten, i'm not gonna want sex or to risk giving it to someone else.

i love ass... to look at. Visually? It's my favorite part of a Mans body. When i'm at the gym, i gawk a lot at Mens asses. i love to touch and maul ass but rimming 'feels' top to me, and getting rimmed feels like prep for getting penetrated and bred. i know it's not universal, but it's part of my wiring, so i've generally been a non-rimmer. Enter my current FB. He's been breeding me 3 years and in the last year or so has really gotten into receiving oral. i'm typically more bottom than oral, but He is so expressive when my mouth is on Him, the connection is intense. His response puts me in the zone and keeps me there. i don't feel manipulated, but He has control with His obvious pleasure and i've been rimming Him as part of our foreplay for several months now. It's not the rimming i get into, it's His response. He moans and tells me how good it is when i'm giving Him oral, coaches, and that drives me wild. He is generally quiet when fucking me, though He goes back and forth between kissing my back and pounding me hard, and that speaks for itself. But i love when He moans and tells me what He wants and how He feels, and i get all of that when i am using my mouth and tongue with Him... so Him? i rim.

It wanes a lot in Oregon. Seems like it's always waning.

Yes. i have never experienced a more intense and intimate connection with another person than through this mutual act. And it never gets old, for me it has only gotten better the more i grasp and go for this kind of connection.

This makes sense to me, even though i do not relate. i've got a history where a relationship saw and treated me like a paycheck, and it fucked with my sensibilities about money and (what i perceive as) intimacy. But i realize that's me. i believe they're a guys on both sides of the dynamic that get off on things like findom, for instance. i could never connect in that way, but it doesn't make what they have any less valid in my mind, i don't have to participate. i think morality fails when one makes their ego/ethnocentric notions an authority over others. Sure, society has to have laws, but laws can go too far. "Sodomy" used to be a felony in the US. While we all have similarities, we are all individual, different. Processing out of fundamentalist religious conditioning permanently burned me out on the notion of absolute, universal notions. For whatever reason, you are wired this way and as far as i'm concerned, if you get pleasure this way, awesome. i've got plenty of kinks that do not aline with other guys, no biggie. We connect where we can, and don't try and force is where there isn't a connecting place.

i was making a possible distinction between what you do and what a prostitute does. They continue to do the work for money, sans gratification. The question remains though: Would you continue to have the kind of sex you have in the absence of a sense of "gratification of successfully performing a task [you] can do well?" If the answer is "yes," to me it looks more like unpaid work, if the answer is "no," to me it seems you are generally getting more than a sense of gratification for a job well done from what you do. You state it "doesn't feel like a biological drive." To me, it seems biological may be one of the factors that make up your total effort. idk, i'm speculating. Right or wrong, my sense is you physically enjoy getting fucked and bred, that it's "pleasurable" for you. i think that "pleasure" factors in to why you do it, and that strikes me as biological, both physical and psychological. If all the guys who contacted you were like the one last night with the long cock that gagged you, would your motivation of "performing a task...well" suffice to motivate you to continue providing "service"? Again, i don't think it's a question with a universal answer, i think it's personal. For instance, i think there are prostitutes who would continue to do stuff they don't like for the money, but i think there are also prostitutes who would opt out of particular tasks. As to your reframed question? i can see it going either way, but that's just one guys point of view. To me, what you describe can be a form of barter. You provide a service in exchange for the opportunity to do a job "well." my take is there is more to it than that, that you derive physical pleasure from getting fucked, emotional pleasure from being desired, but that's speculation on my part. i do imagine there are paid sex workers who get both physical and emotional pleasure from their work to some degree, even if it's not a primary factor. That there are some who would do it ongoing for money alone? Idk, i think that's a hard one to parse out. Would the same guy have sex with a woman for money? No? Why? Because they are not sexually attracted to women? So now "attraction" becomes a factor in addition to money. i don't think it's a question with a simple, black or white (or static) answer.