tallslenderguy

It wanes a lot in Oregon. Seems like it's always waning.

Yes. i have never experienced a more intense and intimate connection with another person than through this mutual act. And it never gets old, for me it has only gotten better the more i grasp and go for this kind of connection.

This makes sense to me, even though i do not relate. i've got a history where a relationship saw and treated me like a paycheck, and it fucked with my sensibilities about money and (what i perceive as) intimacy. But i realize that's me. i believe they're a guys on both sides of the dynamic that get off on things like findom, for instance. i could never connect in that way, but it doesn't make what they have any less valid in my mind, i don't have to participate. i think morality fails when one makes their ego/ethnocentric notions an authority over others. Sure, society has to have laws, but laws can go too far. "Sodomy" used to be a felony in the US. While we all have similarities, we are all individual, different. Processing out of fundamentalist religious conditioning permanently burned me out on the notion of absolute, universal notions. For whatever reason, you are wired this way and as far as i'm concerned, if you get pleasure this way, awesome. i've got plenty of kinks that do not aline with other guys, no biggie. We connect where we can, and don't try and force is where there isn't a connecting place.

i was making a possible distinction between what you do and what a prostitute does. They continue to do the work for money, sans gratification. The question remains though: Would you continue to have the kind of sex you have in the absence of a sense of "gratification of successfully performing a task [you] can do well?" If the answer is "yes," to me it looks more like unpaid work, if the answer is "no," to me it seems you are generally getting more than a sense of gratification for a job well done from what you do. You state it "doesn't feel like a biological drive." To me, it seems biological may be one of the factors that make up your total effort. idk, i'm speculating. Right or wrong, my sense is you physically enjoy getting fucked and bred, that it's "pleasurable" for you. i think that "pleasure" factors in to why you do it, and that strikes me as biological, both physical and psychological. If all the guys who contacted you were like the one last night with the long cock that gagged you, would your motivation of "performing a task...well" suffice to motivate you to continue providing "service"? Again, i don't think it's a question with a universal answer, i think it's personal. For instance, i think there are prostitutes who would continue to do stuff they don't like for the money, but i think there are also prostitutes who would opt out of particular tasks. As to your reframed question? i can see it going either way, but that's just one guys point of view. To me, what you describe can be a form of barter. You provide a service in exchange for the opportunity to do a job "well." my take is there is more to it than that, that you derive physical pleasure from getting fucked, emotional pleasure from being desired, but that's speculation on my part. i do imagine there are paid sex workers who get both physical and emotional pleasure from their work to some degree, even if it's not a primary factor. That there are some who would do it ongoing for money alone? Idk, i think that's a hard one to parse out. Would the same guy have sex with a woman for money? No? Why? Because they are not sexually attracted to women? So now "attraction" becomes a factor in addition to money. i don't think it's a question with a simple, black or white (or static) answer.

Great discussion topic nekofox, thanks for starting it! Like NWUSHorny, i've always found the bathhouse scene in Portland OR to be lukewarm at best. Two BH's, Steam and Hawks. i've never been to Steam, been to Hawks several time pre Covid and discovered i could get a hella lot more sex at my local ABS in Albany OR than i ever got at Hawks, an that was pre pandemic. As a side note to nekofox's OP, i think Hawks in LV was owned by the same peeps as PDX? i've been to both. i was surprised by the LV location, that is was pretty dead. i only went once and found it a waste. i got more action on aps and doing anonymous walk in in my hotel room in Vegas, the BH was a waste of time for me. This spring i went to Slammers in Ft Lauderdale. It was so busy they had overflow parking and a lot attendant. i did go on a Saturday, but suspect locals can attest to it being a thriving venue? i also went to Palm Springs this year and stayed at All Worlds. They have "The Maze," which is essentially a BH as part of the hotel. It's closed during the week and opens on weekends, but stays busy till late afternoon on Sunday. i think both PS and Ft L have a larger than average gay population, so that may factor into the success of gay sex venues in the area? ABS still seem pretty active to me, but i suspect they attract a different sector of guys, many closeted and on the DL who might not be likely to frequent an openly gay venue? Of course, the net and aps have evolved hook up. When i lived in VA, Hampton Roads had a huge military presence and cruise parks that always had 30 horny guys. There was lots of socialization as well as sex. Those places are not used in that way anymore (i've tried on subsequent visits back east, dead as the proverbial door nail). Hello grindr.

Upfront, i want to qualify that i do not think this question has a simple, universal answer. With that said... i think you answer your question for yourself, at least part: you do it for the "gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well." While there are likely prostitutes who take pride in doing their task well, i don't think it's a qualifying factor? I.e., i'm sure there are plenty of prostitutes who just go through the motions and want to get it over with and derive no sense of gratification from a blow job well done, that "gratification" it doesn't even factor in. Reversing it, if you ceased to get the sense of gratification... would you still do it? i think a prostitute doing sex solely for money would (and does). And, while this is a subjective perception on my part, i believe there is a "receptive role" involved as well. There's lots of bottoms who would likely be brought "to a state of sexual gratification" if you fucked them, but i'm guessing that is not a service you offer? my guess is, most prostitutes will Top or bottom for a fee? Though i'm sure there are exceptions there as well. Again, i don't think this has a simple answer.

I don't know that this has a definitive or universal answer, but i'll add my own thoughts/feelings. For me, sex is largely about symbiotic connection of mutual lust/desire. For me, sex is missing something crucial if that is not there. i need/want to perceive the other persons desire for me, and i need/want them to get that from me as well. i never want it to be one sided. Of course, i cannot control their perception, but on my part, i only want sex where i can honestly express sincere desire for that other person. If i don't have that, i'll pass. For me, sex would be work for both me and the sex worker if i had to pay for it. The money would get in the way of my need/desire to connect with his need/desire and it would not be the kind of sex i want/need. In a sense, it would be "work" for both of us.

Just left. Was eating lunch and reading and my FB called. Said He was on lunch break and apologized for the short notice, asked if i could be ready in 5 minutes. i can't say no to Him, or i never want to. So i said i'd try and text when i was ready. Did a quick clean out (i;m getting expert at that) and checked, He was already parked in my driveway, so i texted "ok" and got on my bed naked and ass up as usual. Lately i've been giving Him a lot of oral foreplay, so asked what He wanted when He came in: "i just wanna fuck you." Hell yes!! Said He was going to Chicago for 5 days and wanted to unload in me before He went. Yes please and thank You. He fucks like a Bull in Heat. He's a solid piece of muscle, and when He gets going, He pounds the hell out of me. i squeeze His cock hard with my hole intermittently, push back into Him when He pauses to kiss my back. i can officially say i'm well bred, gaped and cream pied.

i've tried it a few times, but at best i think phone could only ever be foreplay for me. i have to physically be with the person to qualify as actual sex. Prior to cell phones, aps and hookup sites, there were 'personal ads' in newspapers, or the gay section of throw away publications that had phone sex services. Writing back and forth prior to meeting can be good foreplay for me, but so many guys seem to use that as an end in itself. Enter the age of the "flake," where there is a whole cadre of guys who only seem to engage in wank sex? Even with writing/sexting, i find very few who give as good as they get. i'll write a detailed, imaginative paragraph and get a two word reply. It becomes obvious i'm just their porn source. The few times i experienced phone sex it was similar. Input and Feed back fuels my desire. If i'm gonna have sex, i want the real thing. If i'm just gonna jerk off, i'll watch an amateur vid on squirt and imagine i'm the bottom.

Just left about 5 minutes ago. He called while i was in the middle of lunch and laundry, but it had been a week... hell, it doesn't matter how long it's been, if He wants it, i do. We have a very non traditional connection now for over three years. As He's leaving, He'll often talk about hitting me up the same night for another round, but rarely does. Usually breeds me once or twice a week, sometimes 10 days. i start to really miss Him beyond a week, but i also have come to appreciate that more frequently might be too much? Not that one can fuck too much, i can take it all day, if the chemistry and energy is there. The way it is now, it's always fresh... for both of us. Which strikes me as pretty special. We don't really have much in common other than the Top/bottom dynamic... He loves to fuck and i love to get fucked. He loves for me to go down on Him, and i get totally zoned by His obvious pleasure when my mouth is on Him . He's normally so quiet when He fucks, i make all the involuntary moaning noises (He sent me a video of Him fucking me and i was really surprised by the sounds that He fucked out of me). But He is so expressive when my mouth is on Him, kissing, licking, biting, sucking everywhere between HIs knees and navel. His expressiveness drives me wild and fuels my lust, i never get tired or wanna stop until He says He wants to fuck me. It's really remarkable to me how long and how fresh our mutual lust and enjoyment has stayed. i think if we tried to force it into some mold, it wouldn't work. As it is, it's just stayed organic, natural my hole is so creamy right now. Some of His semen gets on the outside of my hole... well, it's really more of a gaped cream pie, and i have taken to fingering and tasting Him after He pulls out and takes a shower before leaving.

i'm very sensitive about any exchange of remuneration for sex, be it dinner, a place to stay or outright cash. i only want sex with a Guy Who wants me for the connection that happens through the sex. For me, sex is a mutual connection of desire and i lose that connection if i know the guy wouldn't do it without money. But that's just me, it's not a standard i think should be universal. i get that there are guys who get turned on by being paid or paying for it, to me, that is different. i'm not into it, but i'm not opposed to it either. i have nothing against sex work or exchanging money for sex. i think my needs and desires should NEVER be imposed as a standard for others. I've been approached and asked for money in exchange for sex and i simply say, no thanks and wish the person good luck. Theft and extortion, black mail, those are different issues.

i don't think this has a one size fits all answer. To me, one of the worst offenses a person can commit against another is to violate their volition. Public figures who purposely influence legislation or social standards that affect gay people in a negative way? Yeah, i think they have given up any reasonable respect of their privacy as regards gay matters. If they are attacking gays, it borders on ridiculous to me to expect that gay people will not fight back. To me, their attacking gay sexuality is a violation of gay peoples privacy, so it seems to me, outing them is subjecting them to their own standards. By the same token, a public figure who has no record of causing harm to gay people and chooses to keep their sexuality private? i'd consider it morally wrong to violate their privacy. As far as it ever being "acceptable for a gay/bi person to pass as straight?" Lol, i'm a critical care nurse, a stereotypical gay profession for a male, and i have to frequently explain to people that i'm gay. Apparently, i do not come off as gay, can't tell by looking. i'm actually kind of disappointed that i get asked out on dates from women and have never been approached by a guy where i work. Apparently i don't "pass" as gay.

Technology has influenced and evolved the mating ritual, eh? This reads to me like a part of you already knew you were dealing with someone who had minimal potential for deep connection lol. As you note, "rando... no profile." And, fetishizing STD's, which while not all that rare, still isn't mainstream. You didn't like it, but a part of you saw the "red flags." Or, at least, you see them retrospectively. i suspect, with time and experience, those things will mold you to some degree and you (all of us really)will develop new responses to new situations? We adapt or respond and are a part of the social evolution. The thing about aps/online is it's a worldwide melting pot. There really isn't one set standard. Online is still sorta unprecedented as a social environment to the point we have terms with new meaning like: "IRL," "virtual," "ghosting." Such terms, and what they convey with their current meaning, didn't exist prior to the internet and "social media."

i rarely hear/read this from... anyone really. i often get blank stares when i try and explain i'm wired to be seeded, like a garden. To me, what You describe is a defining attribute of being a Top. i see a Top as so much more than a sexual position and i see "cock" as more than a penis. To me, both are part of His nature and drive to penetrate, fuck, seed, impregnate, create, possess. i see "bottom" as natures provision for Tops and Tops as natures provision for bottoms. we see the attraction of opposites throughout nature, Protons, electrons (and the versatile neutron lol), so it all makes sense to me and seems natural.

It's been a long while really, 8 years? That's when i got both HIV and Syphilis from the same Guy before moving from VA to OR. He bred me regularly and said He was disease free. No biggie, i don't ask, He just volunteered, but apparently didn't know or was lying. i don't sweat it or stigmatize STD's, to me it's like catching a cold, just from the other end. i'd take His cock again, anytime. Since then, i've had plenty of cock, just have managed to not get anything, even with sexcations to gay resorts in Ft Lauderdale and Palm Springs (both this year). i have a regular FB who breeds me a couple of times a week for the last 3 years, but i think i'm His only male sex partner, and have never gotten anything from Him. So i guess i'm 'blessed' lol.

Hi, And welcome. There's a great group of guys on BZ, lots of interesting, informative discussion, not to mention a lot of variety. i've been here for several years and have not found it's equal as an online gay community... a lot more here than "breeding." It seems nature has instilled a strong sex drive in most guys, probably why it's called a "drive," because it often drives us vs us controlling it lol. You sound like a perfectly normal guy, and being "a little scared" is part of that normalcy me thinks. Strange about the "invisible barrier" you speak of. i think it likely that people are afraid when in a foreign environment, especially as a tourist. Maybe not being familiar with customs and culture makes one more cautious, and frankly, afraid. Even in this country, i remember that getting sex was a process i had to figure out, not something that happened in a week... which may be all a tourist has in your country? This seems one instance where Aps actually may facilitate things, though i've read of fears from guys touring other countries where they were afraid to hook up with locals because of fears of being victimized by predators. i imagine that would be a fear any could have visiting any new environment. Too bad, likely a lot of lost opportunities. Hope you stick around and get to know us, interact and become part of the BZ community.

Agreed x10. We have no control over how others perceive us, we can only control our own self perception and our attitude and actions that result. To me, the question of equality is way too involved and complex to answer in most hook up situations. To me, D/s, Top./bottom are not about equality or inequality. They're about attraction of opposites, and ideally, the balance of symbiosis where each person naturally gets their need/desires met by being who and how they are sexually. The reason i take a hard pass on a guy that doesn't want/need me as much as i want/need Him is because, to me, that is an essential ingredient. Guys who have to make a point of inequality, asserting supposed superiority, come off as disingenuous at best. The top doth protest too much methinks. It has the opposite effect on me, like driving a big truck to try and compensate or cover for feelings that are not superior at all. i find honest, open, vulnerable expression of need/desire to be courageous and powerful, not weak or inferior. To me, a superior attitude is just a costume in an act, and i don't want to play with sex, i want the real thing, the real person.

^^ditto this.^^ (though i'd trade out use for "select." It's another step forward in prevention. Here's a link to cost info for Apretude (brand name of the injection). "Federal law requires that insurance plans cover certain items and services associated with PrEP. Call your insurance company to see how this may impact you." [think before following links] https://apretude.com/apretude-cost/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=what+is+apretude+used+for&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwsO1sEy4QdtL8UHWiYDarkfIuqsa1Az54MRvoFnp7QaixZQUqNQ1cBoCDkIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

"FDA Approves Apretude: First Injectable Option for HIV Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis" "Key takeaways: Apretude (cabotegravir) is a long-acting injectable medication that can prevent HIV contraction and is targeted at people at high risk for exposure. Apretude is typically injected into the muscles of your buttocks every 2 months by a healthcare professional. There are ways to save on Apretude. If you’re eligible, a manufacturer savings card can help you access Apretude for as little as $0 per injection. A patient assistance program is also available." [think before following links] https://www.goodrx.com/apretude/fda-approves-apretude "WHO recommends long-acting cabotegravir for HIV prevention" [think before following links] https://www.who.int/news/item/28-07-2022-who-recommends-long-acting-cabotegravir-for-hiv-prevention

When i was younger, almost all of my sex was through a GH in a restroom, or on the floor of a restroom getting fucked under a stall wall. i cannot say i'm into dirty walls, floors or dirty bodies (unless it's cum, cum is never "dirty," cum is always better than gold) , but none of those is enough to keep me from receiving a Mans cock and lust. i've run into a few cocks that were so smelly that it gave me a moments pause, but once it's in me, that is never an issue.

i cannot say i've ever encountered an "ugly dick," and i'm part of the >1000's club. Of course, most know that sort of assessment is subjective. i hooked with a Guy once who had no legs, amputee up to His pelvis. Had been in an accident as a kid. Because He didn't have legs, His ass was pretty much non existent and His cock had also gotten injured in the accident, so it wasn't 'normal.' i had a great time with Him. His dick was different, but was all Cock and i loved being with Him and receiving His Cock. On a different note, i see a cock as being both physical and as part of a Mans psychological wiring, e.g., His want/need/drive to penetrate, fuck, orgasm, seed, impregnate, etc.. As one of those on the far end of the sexual spectrum, i don't perceive myself as having a "cock." Sure, i have a penis, i'm not deluded, i just do not associate with what i have and what a Man Who has the above mentioned drives/needs/wants has. i have met a few men who's internal dick was not attractive to me, but i still would not call that "ugly."

This is a big eye roll for me. i figure it's usually one of two reasons: laziness or ignorance. "Lazy" because they simply haven't updated their profile if they get checked more regularly. "Ignorance" for the very reasons you and others note. One sexual encounter can change that status, so if one is going to post status it makes more sense to me to post how frequently one gets tested, or that they can document their status if they hook. i still see that on rare occasions, but really unless you go to the clinic with the person and are with that person all the time till the test results, declaring negative status is not really all the effective. When i see stuff like "D&D free," i typically pass because i'm not really looking for a virgin.

This is a tricky one for me, i know this is an individual thing, not a one size fits all topic. "Abuse" shuts me down, it doesn't open or bring out the sub in me. i'm not a physical masochist either and pain has the same effect of shutting me down. i do not equate "Dom" with Sadist. For me, being with a Man sexually is about connection and bonding and it's especially intense the more synergy we have, the more symbiotic it is. That said, i am deeply aroused by what i perceive as "affectionate degradation/humiliation." Mostly it's about mind fuck, but is more subtle than overt, finessed vs crude or forced. The difference? The Top/Dom shows His desire/need as part of the dynamic. To me, force, bullying comes off as disingenuous, a contradiction. E.g., a Dom/Top telling me how "worthless" i am and how i "mean nothing" to Him, all while He is purposefully using me, comes off as denial. On the other hand, there are lots of kinks that, when they are mutual, involve degradation and humiliation. Being trained and used as a toilet is just one example for me (there are others). When a Top/Dom tells me, or shyly, subtly lets me know that He wants to have and use me in that way, it deeply triggers a sub response in me of need and desire to please Him. Us both knowing that He has that kind of power, where we both want that, sets up a power dynamic that is more powerful than force or bullying is to me. To me, it's mind fuck and can go all sorts of places. For Him to be able to smile and have me honestly admit that i love being His toilet is deeply degrading/humilating, but at the same time is affirming need/desire in both of us.

Ditto. A sense of entitlement is a turn off coming from anyone, Top, bottom or anywhere in between. i only want to present to Someone Who wants me as much as i want them. If that 'chemistry' is not there, i'll take a hard pass thank you. To me, incompatibility is sort of like wearing a condom, it puts a barrier between us where sex for me is the connection and bonding of mutual lust and need, not one-sided.

lol, Right? Even though stereotypes usually have some reality mixed in, at the end of the day we are all complex individuals. There are slutty women and chaste men. i think there is a mix of physical (e.g. hormones) and psychological factors that contribute. i think the OP's post is a good example of ego/ethnocentricity, he takes his own perceptions and applies them universally. Which we all do to some degree, because we all have an ego and we are all influenced by culture. i think what differentiates people (and what i see as maturity level) is the degree of self awareness and openness to things that are different than our ideas and conclusions. i think as gay people, we are better equipped to get that because most of us have experienced rejection and misunderstanding because we didn't fit the 'norm.' To me, 'immaturity' instead forms a new culture perpetuating the same old biases with a different face instead of extending openness and acceptance to people who do not fit our 'norm.'