tallslenderguy

lol... spell check strikes again, shoulda been cocks not "cops". (i don't know how many of the cocks belonged to "cops")

Only you can decide, eh? And this reads like you have. We're all individuals and land at different places on this depending on who and how we are. Of the thousands of cops and loads i have received, i can count on one hand the number of times there was a condom on the cock. i lived through the AID's pandemic of the 80's and lost my oldest gay brother to AID's. It was awful and scary, but never scary enough to outweigh my need/desire/drive for a Mans bare cock and seed inside of me. Life is full of risk. The recent Covid pandemic reminds us that going to the grocery store can result in ones death, i.e., that just breathing the air of someone who is contagious can result in death. i think a lot of hesitation and fear are associated with the cultural stigmatization that often accompanies sex. Death and sickness are an intrinsic part of life, but some sources of both get a lot more attention than others. For me? It's a lot more deleterious to my life and living to go without the joy and pleasure of being with a Man, to go without the complete connection of BB sex, than the risk of getting a disease.

i've often wondered about bias and stereotyping in the gay community. Being gay was my own personal awakening to the realities of bias, privilege, stereotyping, etc., because i got to experience those things first hand, even to the point of having them against my self. No doubt, culture conditions, effects and influences us and our behavior, often without regard or consideration of who and how we essentially are. The results are complex and seem to affect us individually and as groups. my personal take away and ongoing effort is to realize that i have conditioned attitudes, notions, bias. Many (most?) of those are unconsciously accepted and acted and are scattered across all sorts of 'groups' like race, age, gender, occupation, to name a few. i want to be aware because my personal moral ethic wants to be kind, love and respond to a person as they are, not as how i see them. While we are all members of groups, (e.g., i'm gay and part of the gay culture, i'm white and part of white culture, i'm a nurse, and part of nurse culture), we are all also individuals with infinite variation. i do not believe it's possible to respond accurately to individuals if we do not make the effort to see and hear them for who they are. i think part of that process involves seeing and acknowledging our own preconceived notions and being able to set them aside in deference to the individual. The human brain naturally groups people. A search of scientific research on the topic provides a plethora of information on the topic. Here's one such piece entitled: "Implicit stereotypes and the predictive brain: cognition and culture in “biased” person perception" [think before following links] https://www.nature.com/articles/palcomms201786

"WASHINGTON – Are South Carolina voters among the most progressive in the country? Did they elect not one – but TWO – gay U.S. senators? That’s a fair conclusion after reading today’s story from Axios, “GOP donors fret over Scott’s single status.” Per the story, “Top GOP donors and their allies privately are pushing Sen. Tim Scott’s team for more detail about his bachelor status before deciding how much to support him in the presidential campaign, according to two people familiar with the conversations.” TOP STORIES FEDERAL JUDGE TEMPORARILY BLOCKS TEXAS’ BAN ON DRAG PERFORMANCES It continues, “some donors have questions.” Of course, Axios doesn’t dare go there and address what “questions” his single status might raise. So let me do it: Tim Scott is rumored to be gay, just like the senior senator from South Carolina, as the Blade has reported many times. Male escorts in D.C. have openly claimed that Sen. Lindsey Graham has been a client. (If you have an iron stomach, Google “Lindsey Graham ladybugs” for the details.)" [think before following links] https://www.losangelesblade.com/2023/08/31/does-south-carolina-have-two-gay-u-s-senators/

Just left. He had taken a break from work earlier and came by, so fucking good... then He called and asked for "round too" and said: "it's okay if you don't want to." lol, right. i was still creamy from His first load and He needed to unload again. Really, He getting into the oral a lot, and so am i. Fuck, i love His pleasure, and He fucks me into a rag doll every time. i'm wasted in a sweet way and full of His seed. Gonna sleep so well tonight with Him inside of me.

This afternoon. i can't get too much of Him, my mouth was all over Him. He's so non vocal when He is fucking me, even though He fucks hard, pounds the hell out of me. God i love Him. When i am giving Him oral, He is so vocally expressive, so obviously enjoying, drives me wild and i do not get tired of giving Him oral, i just get in the zone and stay there till He says He wants to fuck me... and fills me with cum.

idk, in my experience, i do not find many guys who are open about their feelings. i think Western culture has long conditioned against males sharing, or even having, feelings. i believe all humans have emotions and cognition, but i do not find many guys who are in touch with what and how they feel. The lack of self awareness results in an inability, or lack of skill, when it comes to articulating about ones feelings. i think fear plays into it quite a bit as well. Culture promotes the notion that 'image is everything,' so we end up with a culture where people wear a facade instead of presenting as they are, hoping to get some form of acceptance and affirmation. But it's a very empty way to live because the true self is not seen, so such a one never knows if they are liked. i'm not one for advocating wearing the proverbial heart on the sleeve, but i do think we miss out on the beauty of connecting and bonding because we hide our feelings. Even extroverts are not necessarily showing what is really there. Being open is vulnerable, it's always a risk, but if there's attraction, i think it's worth the risk.

i've done this too at gay resorts, CCBC among them, All Worlds in PS, Inn Leather in Ft Lauderdale, Las Vegas. Works with varying results. For years most of my sex was anonymous walk in, especially when CL was a thing. And it's always door ajar, not wide open... though at the gay resorts, my window curtains are drawn and i'm on display ass up and ready. Some Guys close them when they come in and fuck, others leave them open. i feel safe doing it at a gay resort, and will sometimes pass on anonymous walk in at home if i get a feeling the guy is sketchy. At home i have pretty good set us, a back door that walks almost directly into my bedroom. To me, it's similar to cruising restrooms or ABS or sex clubs with rooms, but not as safe. Of the thousands of cocks i have had, easily 95% have been anonymous and some form of walk in breeding.

Earlier today. Was out hiking in the Redwoods this week with a (platonic) friend. Horny as hell all week, my FB messaged me a couple of times while i was gone, which didn't help with the horniness. Woke up this morning and He'd texted me last night after 11 asking when i was going to be home. Prepped for Him first thing this morning and texted Him. Damn, was so good. He has really gotten under my skin. i never used to rim, it always 'felt' like topping to me, but He is so vocal and responsive to my mouth, licking, kissing, sucking, His obvious vocalized pleasure drives me wild and i'll pretty much do whatever He wants to pleasure Him. It's all foreplay, which is probably why i can do it and love it, because He only wants to cum in my ass, breeding me. Also, i get so fucking zoned with Him, i never get tired pleasuring Him with my mouth, He keeps me so turned on by His pleasure. That was about 10 am, left my hole full of cum and it's 720pm now and i haven't lost a drop of His cum. Awesome day.

2 hours ago? Was traveling last 7 days on family emergency, so really missed my sweet FB. He kept in touch, enquiring how i was, but could tell He was horny, and so was i. i wanted Him so bad. i can still smell His scent all over my face, and i'm still in heaven. i'm not usually heavily oral, and i never rim, but He is so vocal and loves everything i do with my mouth, and i know He wants it, so i was all over His ass, cock, balls, hole, thighs. It drives me wild when He kisses my back and shoulders when He is fucking me, turns out my kissed drive Him wild as well. Ultimately though, He loves to breed. That's the way He likes to cum, inside of me, so i think that enhances my passion and being in the zone. i don't ever get bored or feel like: "when's He gonna fuck me?" i get so much pleasure out of His obvious pleasure, it all just flows naturally. Damn i feel wonderful.

To me this seems sort of like going to a restaurant and the waiter telling you they would not feed you until you purged. It seems to me he was in the wrong place for his expectations.

As an aside, i'd like to express a bit about the word "promiscuity." It's generally used pejoratively as a social norm. One might suggest, from a different perspective, that those who are not similar are "frigid."

To me the idea of expelling or losing a drop of a Mans seed once He has planted it inside of me is offensive. "Cleaning" it out is psychologically tantamount to an abortion to me. Then there is this: "Despite the lack of direct research, Gallup said he “wouldn’t be a bit surprised” if oral and anal sex provided a mood boost. “There’s no guarantee that all of the ingredients in semen will survive the digestion process and stomach acid, which could conceivably change some of the semen chemistry. But given what we know about birth control pills, most of the hormones should survive.”Regarding anal sex, he added: “My guess would be that the chemicals in semen would be absorbed through the lining of the colon.” Here’s some related research that’s worth mentioning: “There’s some evidence that gay males following anal intercourse will go out of their way to try to retain the semen for extended periods of time, which suggests psychotropic effects,” Gallup says. (I wonder whether the “sexiness” quotient of having your partner’s semen inside you might be another, perhaps complimentary, explanation.)" [think before following links] https://www.popsci.com/science/article/2011-05/come-again-science-semen-part-deux/

yeah :-). i have two pumps. Here's one of them. i don't typically use 'toys' on myself, but sometimes a Man likes using toys on/with me.

i can't remember ever trying to keep count long term... even short term (like in one night) it's not something i really focused on. Mostly, when it was asked here how many over a life time, i'd have to estimate. 40 (years) x approximately how many a week. So 40x52xapproximately=_________. And that's varied. Some years it was at least a couple of times a day. Others, a couple of times a week. But really, is it's been an estimate since the second time? idk. Somewhere between 3000 and 6000 cocks (not loads) conservatively. But never counted after the first couple of times. Apps have made sex much harder and less frequent to get in my experience. When cruising was the way i got sex, i went to a location and got fucked, usually several times a visit. It was dependable and easy. So i got a lot more sex that way. Less now, it's more of a process and not as dependable.

This is pretty much as far as i have gone.

Ditto this. Also depends on the Tops Cock length and whether He is seeding me past the 'second hole' (the sigmoid curve). For me, once it gets past that curve, it's not gonna come back out or "leak." If it doesn't get past that curve, even if i sleep with the cum inside of me over night, it comes back out eventually. my sense is, if it gets past the curve, i absorb the seed and am impregnated by Him... which "feels" awesome. For me though, it's not all about the cum. Don't get me wrong, i love and crave a Mans seed inside of me... i'm one of those guys who doesn't hesitate to empty a found condom into my hole. But when it comes to fucking? The dynamic meeting mutual need/desire is trump for me and that is more expressed in receiving a Tops pleasure and orgasm into me than the actual evidence of that (i.e., His cum). p.s. no matter how deeply i've been bred, i always clench and try to retain every drop... i don't want it to leak out

A few more thoughts (not conclusions). "Superiority" seems to be a (the?) qualifying factor in hierarchy? If control is deemed the superior position in hierarchy, and the sub is ultimately in control. do some mis-perceive/label the roles in a D/s dynamic by concluding the alpha superior and the sub inferior? Though there is overlap/blending, to me there is physical and psychological dominance. Is one 'superior' to the other? Personally, i perceive one who solely uses physical dominance as a bully. Physical force does not elicit a submissive response in me, but the opposite. Even if someone manages to dominate me physically, they still do not have my psychological submission. To me, the Man Who manages to elicit my psychological submission, engaging my need and desire ends up leading the dance with me. But to me, that approaches symbiosis because it involves His need/desire to be in control. Though this kind of symbiosis has opposite sides that attract, if an actual state of symbiosis is achieved, it seems to me that balanced state/blend/result sort of changes to neutral? Relational homeostasis?

my sweet FB just left. Called an hour before He got off work, and i was so worked up by the time He got here, i had an erection (which i never feel the desire to use, it's a good meter though). He really likes when i lie between His thighs and lick, kiss and suck on Him. i'm really learning His body from that perspective and He is much more expressive when i am sucking Him than when He is fucking me. When i'm between His legs, most of the expressions come from Him, when He is fucking me, it gets reversed. He really brings out the cocksucker in me though, His obvious pleasure is like fuel on my fire and i get wilder and wilder with desire in synch with Him till He finally wants to fuck me. He's never cum in my mouth before, i think because He would rather fuck His cum into my hole... and i love and am grateful for that sweet chemistry we have. Three years and it's like it only gets better. Something i have with Him is i don't feel the need for more cock when He is done breeding me. Sure, i'd gladly receive it, and even though i have not climaxed, His climax really fills and sustains me, it's really a fucking awesome dynamic... seems to break all the rules and expectations.

Do you perceive your self as masochist along with/as well as submissive? To me that seems part of the mix that makes you who and how you are? Or do you see what you describe as solely an expression of your submissive need/desire/tendency/_________? While you say your "former Master required" of you, at the same time, you were in control. It seems that the dynamic you experienced with Him was an alignment of desire/need? In other places i recall you writing of being hypnotized, was that with this same Master? my sense and recall of your hypnotism experience is that person crossed a boundary with you and thus did you harm? As i see it, this thread (not just this post) is about a driving energy, tendency (force?), ____________ in 'life', 'nature' towards balance. This is foundational in my profession of healthcare, expressed in what seems a constant tendency towards homeostasis. As a holistic thinker, when it comes to humans, i connect the psychological with the physiological in that dynamic. Off the cuff, to me, the "stasis" part of that word seems contradictory. i wonder if "stasis" is even achieved in 'death,' or if there is such a thing as "death" given it's dual meaning of balance and inactivity? That what we call death is a change in existence, not a cessation. Sorry, this kind of discussion has rabbit hole for me. While i think hierarchy exists, i wonder if it serves the bigger picture, that hierarchy is within the tendency of homeostasis or if it is an evolutionary force that works against balance, or maybe it can be either?

i'm writing this before work today and hope to join this conversation when i am off and can give it more time, but wanted to start a response. i learned about my own submissive side later in life, and i think it's because how, what to me is crude definitions of D/s, just didn't fit. Then i was picked up and Dommed by a Man on a vacation to Palm Springs one year and i knew by experience how profound the connection can be when it's real and 'right' (for both involved). Speaking of "nuance" though, i'd make a distinction between submissive and passive. To me, the "doormat level" is passivity. A profound part of a D/s dynamic to me is the dance of a Dom eliciting the submission of a sub. As i see is, submission is not a given, it is given. Most of my sub nature is locked in a room inside of me and it's not a simple or automatic process for a Man to access, occupy and possess that space.

no. i think what strikes me is not so much the amount, but the constancy and how being with Him never gets old or routine (though it would be a really nice routine). 🙂

i don't think the traditional relationship model works as well as often idealized. i think there is something to be said about relationships where two people don't place unrealistic expectations on each other because of having to meet some ideal. Why not get what each can with each other and not try to force it to be more or different than what it is? To me, the fact that two people are "exe's" means there was likely some connection... which i understand can go away or get destroyed,, but just because two people become "ex" doesn't mean the relationship has to end, it can be redefined i think, to fit present realities.

my sweet Babe FB just left. idk what else to call this, but we're on our third year and it never gets old. i can't see a traditional relationship, forced into some sort of mold, ever working for us... but the way we touch and kiss each others bodies (never kissed on the mouth?) goes beyond 'just sex' (if there is even such a thing as "just sex?"). We manage to have an ongoing affection for each other that makes the sex that much better, and the sex is always incredible. my guess is if we tried to make it different, we might ruin it? Sometimes i don't realize how much i want Him until i'm actually between His legs kissing and licking His thighs and balls, swallowing His cock... then He penetrates and fucks me, and He owns me. i don't think He realizes it, but there's a definite oneness thing that happens and i meld into Him. i do think He is starting to grasp just how much i love His seed inside of me. i have an awful lot of it after 3 years, i have His mark on me. sigh.

idk, not an easy question for me to answer. i guess i'm a romantic in many respects, when i feel a certain energy from a Man fucking me, intense desire and need in His focused fucking, i have to bite my mattress to keep from declaring: "i love You!" Doesn't matter if He's a complete stranger prior to Him having His cock in me, it's that "connection" some of us on BZ obsess about lol. For me it's about having and feeling that intense special kind of desire/need connection He has to pleasure and impart a part of Himself into me. i think it's easy to reduce that process down to "cum," but i think there's more to it than that? Then i have to be honest and admit i'll take a found condom with cum in it and empty it into my hole, butt even that seems connected to my concern that some Man wasted His seed on a condom? i get that a Top would want to rut and fuck lots of bottoms without cumming. That makes sense to me. To me, that's not all that different of energy than what a bottom expresses by taking multiple cocks. i see a sort of edging going on with both Tops and bottoms, trying to extend the experience and get around the reality of refractory. Let's say there was some unwritten rule of nature that a bottom had to shoot his load every time he got fucked, what would that do to a lot of bottoms craving for cock in the moment? Personally, i'm one of those guys who'll edge for 10 days and not cum because of how needy it makes me for a Top. Still, even with that understanding, i feel incomplete if a Man fucks me and doesn't cum. It's not just the cum, it's all that goes with it. i'd actually rather a Man slide in and piss inside of me without the fuck, than Him fuck me and not have a release of Himself into me as part of the connection. There's a part of me that craves a permanent connection to Him, even after He is gone? It's complicated, i feel like i'm leaving a lot out and i don't quite understand or am able to articulate all the feelings i have, and the ones a Top has, that i want to connect with when we fuck. i think quantity is often (in part?) an unconscious drive to find and sustain that "quality" that ErosWired notes. Not finding it all in one Man, we look for and get it in lots of pieces in lots of Men?