tallslenderguy

As i've evolved, i've become more and more an advocate for sexual compatability as a foundation for relationship. Actual practical knowledge of our sexual needs/desires, and consideration of those when looking for a mate. i lived in a marriage (to a woman) for 31 years, and though i loved her deeply, it was torture. Of course, i'm gay, so that complicated it lol, but we also both had sub natures and were both bottoms. my best sex has always been with total or primarily Tops, usually with some Dom mixed in. Sex with versatile or bottom guys has been quid pro quo, and i think that is a recipe for failure... especially long term. i have known bottoms and versatile guys who i love dearly, but i generally keep i platonic (unless the versatile guy is feeling top at the time), because i hate being in the position of obligatory or quid pro quo sex. To me, that really ruins the connection. i think it's a law of nature that opposites attract. Of course, we're more complex than charged ions, but i think our complexities can enhance the attraction and bond we experience. i wish more guys were interested in the mental and emotional aspects of sex. Re "shaming." i get what you mean here i think, but there's also a mysterious type of, idk, shaming or humiliation that can be intensely sexy and feed something in both the giver and receiver. i always refer to it as "affectionate humiliation." Even though i know there are guys who get off on rough, bullying, etc., forms of this, for me it has to come from affection or in a matter of fact way to find my need and push that button. There are Dom/Top guys who have told me that i don't have a cock. Some have called it a "clit," others a penis etc., but they make the distinction between what they have and what i have and make clear that i don't have what they have. It's all gets complex and there is a mysteriousness to it for me, but done 'right' it has the effect of bringing out a deeply submissive, warm and gratified feeling in me... and apparently, in Them too. Though various kinks can involve what looks and feels like 'shaming' and 'humiliation,' there are some that can be deeply fulfilling on both sides. The trick, again, seems to be compatibility.

^^this^^. Top and bottom, yin and Yang, has always been. I think our deepest experiences are in response and discovery of our nature

i don’t know if it’s evolution or discovery of what is already there, but your story is familiar to me. I knew I like guys from an early age, but conformed to my cultural upbringing, married a woman and stayed married 31 years. We had sex that entire time and getting hard was never an issue. I was 6 years married before my first experience with a guy, and it was like being unleashed, instant slut. Sex was versatile, I honestly didn’t think of labeling myself “top” or “bottom” or versatile. After divorce and having the freedom to be who i am, i’ve increasingly discovered an internal bottom.

i know with some guys it's all about quantity of loads, and that can be hot, but that's not a driver for me. For me, it's more the feeling that i have met my Tops need and desire to breed. And that's not some sort of bottom altruism, to me it's a turn off when a guy says he wants to please me and i get the sense that i am somehow unnecessary in the equation. i see the Top/bottom dynamic as symbiotic. i need/desire a Tops need/desire to penetrated and breed me. In that vein, staying soft is about my internal wiring. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if i stay soft or get hard, what matters is how the guy i am with responds to that. i often don't hook with versatile guys because it seems most want to use my penis in some way that makes me feel like they are wanting me to be top (just as you note). i spent a weekend with a versatile guy last spring. We talked online for a long time before getting together and i was painfully and tediously clear about being a bottom and what that meant to me, that i didn't want my penis touched and why. He was very affirming, said that wasn't a problem and that he understood. He made me cum twice that weekend by touching my penis. sigh. After he went home, he wrote and asked how i felt about the weekend. When i confronted him about using my penis, he got defensive and made fun of the fact that i didn't want my penis touched. Bottom line is, he just didn't get it. On an intellectual level he may have had some grasp, but psychologically he just didn't relate and apparently couldn't get it. i've had Dom guys make me cum using my penis, but that has been very different for me because of the psychological distinction they were abel to establish and make. It actually incorporated my being total bottom and was really hot.

yeah, especially when He contacts me later and wants to do it again.

No. No guilt at all. No suppress or repressed guilt or shame. i know what it feels like though. i was religious and married for a big part of my life and it took a lot of introspection and processing to see through the homophobic ideas i grew up with and was conditioned by. But i did, and it's the best peace and feeling to be free of guilt and shame about who and how i am. Now, i just smile and enjoy the hell out of men. Damn, i fucking love men and the freedom to do so. i love males and being a male. It's like i am rebelling against anything, i've seen through the garbage that held me captive and it simply has no power any more to make me feel guilt or shame.

i think this is a fasinating topic. To me, an erect penis is a sign of arousal. i spent a large part of my life married to a woman and never once had any issue getting erect, indeed, it was ridiculously easy. But i haven't been with a woman since 2008 when i divorced from my wife. i've had the opportunity, but no interest. Like your self though, my psychology with men is totally different. "Conditioning" is a curious word... maybe combined with how we're wired? i'm almost exclusively bottom, and ideally don't want to use my penis. i do, i edge a lot and eventually cum, but psychologically i'd love the kind of relationship where my orgasm was in the hands of a Top, controlled, caged. i love the idea of a Top controlling my orgasm and by Him wanting me totally cock receptive. Nowadays, the things that get me erect are Tops who are ass obsessed, who need or want to breed and are not interested in my penis. Or even better, are interested in purposely minimizing my penis. For me, it emphasizes the opposite dynamic of the relationship. i've had some Top/Dom guys refer to my penis as a "clit," which makes it hard as a rock. They don't miss a beat when it does smiling and acknowledging my "engorged clit." i'm not the least bit feminine, but get hugely turned on by a Top who feminizes me (seems you do too?). If a guy shows interest in my penis as a 'cock,' i can't get hard to save my life. i confess there are times when i see a soft, smooth boy ass and sometimes wanna breed it, but cannot get hard even if i try. This was never a problem in the past, and it's totally psychological, because i physically have no problem getting hard. If that same boy looks at me and says: "you can't breed me with your fag seed, you're going to take my cock and seed." Well, just sitting here in the air port writing that made me rock hard. When i get fucked now, i am soft. If i think i wanna use my penis to penetrate, i stay soft. Any talk of me getting penetrated or bred, i get hard and as soon as it starts, i get soft. If a top goes for my penis, it goes soft. For me, it's all psychological.

Donate them to Salvation Army.

when i started using GH's when younger, i'd have "dreaded" sharing a booth, but i've changed. i often start out taking a cock through a GH and the guy ends up in my booth. i too am tall (6'5") and getting my hole level with a GH and keeping it there for the duration of a fuck can leave one's legs wobbly. Also, sucking a cock through a GH has the disadvantage of a wall. i love to cup a guys balls and take His cock to the hilt, often can't do that through a GH. The anonymity is hot, but it's a trade off.

Lol, agreed, I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. You asked for input, glad you understand this is not clinical or medical advice, just simply discussing and giving you the feedback you asked for. To me this is more along the lines of fellow sports team members encouraging each other... “shyness” is not a medical condition.

i suggest practice. It seems you've already identified the issue. Kinda like getting back up on the horse after falling off. You have to overcome the notion/pattern in your brain that tells you you are not going to get hard by proving to yourself that you can. Maybe practice at a glory hole where there is less visual or personal connection, so it's less complicated? You know that this is not physical, so maybe putting yourself in position where you can become more easily distracted from being "shy." A bath house might be another good place, just sort of overwhelm your self with opportunities and take it out of the 1:1 ratio?

i'm with those who suck every cock. i'm never disappointed about size (even when getting fucked). To me, being a Top is an internal, emotional/psycological disposition. If a Guy is wired to penetrate another guy with His cock, i'm a receiver. Although cum is a good indicator that He had the ultimate pleasure getting sucked, it's His orgasm that i need/want. Yeah, i know, cum and orgasm pretty much go hand in hand, but for me feeling and hearing a Guys pleasure as He orgasms is the most awesome feeling in the world for me. For me, my primary orgasm is HIs. As best i can describe it, the magic of connecting with another guy sexually is the shared experience, not two individual experiences. It's like at the moment of orgasm, His orgasm transfers from Him into me and becomes mine. For me, the physical size of the cock is a factor, but not anywhere close to the primary factor or need/desire of taking a cock into me.

When i first read the title i read it as: "Does manstick make your boy pussy twitch?" and i thought: "hell yes!!"

Depends on what you mean by "impotent." Impotence can be caused by physical factors and/or mental and emotional factors. Physically, vascular disease is the most common issue, lack of blood circulation. Mentally/emotionally, all sorts of things can contribute. For some time now i don't get hard when guys are talking to me about my penis, wanting it, etc.. If they want to, (and talk about it), penetrate me, i get hard as a rock. Though, once a guy is inside of me, i go soft again. It's not a simple black or white situation for me that i can predict, but for me i can trace it to mental/emotional factors.

Haha, no, missed on all accounts (as far as i know, none of those are taboo on BZ?) i've even tried Recon and it seems most of the guys who approach me there are after my feet?!? i hooked with one guy from there who was soooo fucking hot, and all he was into was tickling feet (mostly). This is apparently what happened to all those kids who grew up with Tickle Me Elmo made by Tyco Pre School. And they says gays have an agenda.

Sort of a loaded, especially on this site. i guess it would depend on your standards of what constitutes "irresponsible." i take care of critically ill people for a living (critical care nurse), and i don't like to see anyone sick and suffering. my vote is to get regularly tested if one is sexually active and take meds if you are poz or have another STI. i also advocate for PrEP and am against the fetishization of disease (though not against the people who fetishize disease, i want to find a different fetish for them that is not destructive). Personally, i wish our society was less puritanical about sex and the stigma of testing and treatment was not such a factor as it is. Imagine the dent we could make in STI's if we had a social agreement that all sexually active people get tested for STI's every three months?

i have some kinky fantasies i've never had a chance to try, pretty much all of them revolve around a Top putting something of Himself inside of me. The Top needs to penetrate, inseminate and impregnate all find a corresponding need in me to be penetrated, inseminated and impregnated. i see many of my kinks, and the kinks of others, as expressions of individual needs/wants that are just uncommon. i see the manifestations or expressions as "uncommon," not the needs or wants that drive them. i think a lot of people miss out on exploring their sexuality beyond the physical, even though sex is mental and emotional too. i'm for holistic sex lol. i've got some kinky fantasies that can't even be spoken of on BZ, but have met others with similar or who they resonate with. i don't think anyone is "weird" (not directing that at the OP, just making a general statement). One's kinks may not correspond with everyone, i think it's unrealistic to expect to be compatible with everyone, so the search is for people we are compatible with (e.g., Top with bottom, etc.). i think our "weird" kinks often represent areas and opportunites where we can deeply connect with each other, so i love when someone like the OP is brave enough to bring topics like this up.

Details? how'd it happen? 😉

Saying "I love black cock" reminds me of how fundamentalist christians often tout how they "love gay people." They make a distinction between how they 'love' gays and other people. Being gay is not the same same as being a different race, but i think many (most?) of us have probably experienced being treated as differently because of being gay. i think that should help us understand and know better than to make the distinction "black cock." That is a stereotype. Maybe it's one of those things a black person can say, but people who are not black cannot? Sort of like how we can own the word "faggot" and straight people cannot because they do not know, cannot relate, to all that means? i do not think the way many use terms like "black cock" is overtly bigoted. i do think it's inadvertently evil because it stems from and supports stereotyping. When we do that, we stop seeing the individual person and instead treat people reflexively (instead of consciously) using culturally conditioned ideas and notions assigned to the group. Just because it is not ones conscious intent to be offensive doesn't remove the offense. We're in a cultural revolution where stereotypes are being exposed and there's a back lash against that revolt, exposure. Some think because they do not consciously intend to be offensive that they are not. That's ethnocentric, ignorant and emotionally immature- an attempt to preserve the status quo rather than change.

What a fucking great imagination. i love how you think!! To me, part of what defines a Top/Dom is the desire to be in control of their bottom, to effect them in so many ways. i love affectionate humiliation.

i agree with this train of thought. i don't think of barebacking as a path but as the natural way to have sex. i.e., condoms are not a natural occurrence in nature lol. The implication in the question is that barebackng leads to "kinky/taboo scenes," but i think wearing a condom is the violation of nature (outside the natural 'norm,' if you will), not the other way around. i think guys who bareback demonstrate an ability to question social standards and go against socially and culturally constructed norms. To the rules (and those who make them) of what is "kinky" or "taboo." Personally, i see kinks as individual expressions of need or desire. Humans are complex, there is so much we don't know about what goes into making us the individuals we are. We have lots in common, but we all have differences too. To some people, just taking a cock up the ass or sucking it is "kinky/taboo." i see our kinks as opportunities for us to connect with each other on deeper levels. "Deeper" may not be the right word, but we often hide or don't acknowledge our "kinks" because they are socially "taboo." So those parts of us remain hidden and neglected. But again, i see kinks as individual expressions, flavors, of who we are, our needs and our desires. When we are open about them, i think part of the excitement comes from discovering we are not alone and finding others with corresponding or compatible kinks. i think openness to questioning the rules positions us to discover who we are, what we want and need they may not be part of the social mainstream. i don't think kinks are so much created as they are discovered by people willing to look and question the status quo.

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"For me it’s the totality of each individual man that attracts [or not], so the size type of cock is part of the total package and I’ll adapt accordingly to the top." me too. Toys, in and of themselves (i.e., disconnected from their user) do little for me-they leave me wanting (the Top attached to it). i won't repeat your description of "depth" and the why's behind your "like;" for me, that sums it up nicely. The size and depth is connect to the intent of the Top for me. Is it His intent to mold and open my hole with progressively girthier penetration? i love Him. Is HIs desire and intent to effect me deeper? Oh fuck, i love Him. It's my Tops need/desire to effect me that gives the power to what He uses to accomplish that.

i want to clarify that i don't want to pretend some sort of moral supeirority here. The question is: "Is stealthing morally okay?" ErosWired commented: "I would like to believe they’re not all sociopaths, but rather, haven’t thought it through, or don’t realize that most of their peers here consider it an especially dick move. I’d like to think that such guys might be willing to rethink their stand on stealthing - and their intent to stealth in future - based on our community discussion here. " i think Eros is right. i confess there have been a few times (three that i can remember) where a guy has offered me his cock through a GH with a condom on it and i have purposely sucked it (something i would never do) just so i could try and bite a hole in the condom. my intent has never been to poz anyone (i'm undetectable). my sole intent was to get his cum inside of me. Even still, i've stopped doing that. i think it's wrong, a violation of his will. Instead, i just tell them i don't do condoms and if they refuse, that's their prerogative. i've decided i'd rather go without than to violate someone else will. It doesn't change me and what i like. i still want every guy to fuck me and inseminate me, but not at the cost of violating His will. And i think that's a good social standard. i don't have a chaser or gifted fetish, but i do understand having fetishes, i've got plenty of them. To me, "morality" draws a line at violating another persons wishes or volition. That can get murky in a world of D/s, but not impossibly so, so that's where i land on this. i love this group and love that we can have these discussions. i don't feel morally superior to anyone.

i get your feelings, but i don't think anyone can unequivicolly draw the conclusion that "these are not two people who want their consent to be respected." There's so much we don't know about this. E.g, was the Top poz and wanting to try and poz the bottom or did He just not want to wear a condom? The bottom put a condom on the Tops cock before offering his ass. There are lots of people who engage in anonymous glory hole sex for a variety of reasons, one is being DL. To me, the bottom putting a condom on the cock of the Top sent a pretty clear message that he wanted to be fucked through the GH by a Top with a condom on. i think it's naive, but i don't think the bottom is necessarily asking for his consent to be disrespected. It can be hard for some of us (me) who are experienced sluts to understand a shy guy who insists on condoms at a place like an ABS, or any place for that matter, but they do exist. i think what is generally in question here is whether it's moral to cum in a guy against his consent or expressed wishes. i'd say no. i think it's immoral to violate another persons volition no matter how 'stupid' one may think that person is. And really, isn't the primary point behind stealth (i,e., purposely trying to poz a bottom against their will) to lie and deceive the bottom? There are apparently plenty of bottoms willing to take raw loads no questions asked, it's not like open asses are in short supply. Stealthing as we're talking about it here is about purposeful deceit and harm.