tallslenderguy

i've mentioned this before, but the sigmoid is my friend and enemy lol. i have to be very careful when cleaning out, take my time, rest between cleaning and use a dildo to try and get trapped water. Conversely, that part of my anatomy (we're all a little different down there) does retain piss too. i had an experience where a Top stealth pissed me on two separate occasions at and ABS through a GH. The first time, i figured out what He was doing, the second time, i didn't know that He had pissed in me and i took a couple of cocks after His. They both fucked and bred me without any piss leaking out. i am pretty practiced at holding in a Tops cum and have learned to ignore it if i have a sense of urgency after taking a load or loads and there is a natural pause mechanism in the body that will let you delay... but the sense of urgency kept coming back and i figured i had more than cum in me, so i evacuated, not expecting piss. When i saw it was piss, i was really disappointed the i hadn't held it in. Hold it in deep and long enough and your body will absorb it, which is awesome.

When a Top fucks me, i am generally lying on my stomach. i really love that position, it feels most subdued and powerless for me. Sometimes my Tops hands will wander up close to my face and sometimes i cannot resist taking His thumb into my mouth and sucking it. i have never had a Top pull away, and several have obviously gotten really turned on by it, a few have shot as a result of the added... stimulus? i'm not doing it for effect, it can just be wonderful to have Him in my mouth and hole at the same time, as long as He's happy.

There is no snark in this question. Isn't that a big part of the point? At least for some? i guess not for all, i honestly don't know. Last time i was in Palm Springs a really cute guy picked me up and wanted to spit in my mouth, i didn't want it, He was cool about it, not forceful or bullying, which is something i'd usually associate spitting with? He ended up putting some of His spit on His cock... He knew i'd suck His cock, so it was a way for Him to get me to eat His spit? i have no idea what He was thinking or feeling.

The line between need and want is often blurry for me. i don't have anywhere near a complete handle on the degradation thing. The few times guys have gotten rough with me, by emotional response was so automatic and palpable, that they all backed way down. Any sense of being bullied triggers me. i was bullied a lot as a kid, and looking back, i can see there were boys who were responding to my obvious signals of being sub. i learned to hide the obvious stuff and by age 14 no longer had a bully problem (comparatively, as younger, boys abused me physically and emotionally). It left a mark on me, as an adult i practiced martial arts for about 25 years, second degree black belt. i'd probably shock the hell out of some guy who didn't get the message, i'm afraid he might get the brunt of old rage, but prolly not, a non sexual mugger would though. i have experienced a form of degradation/humilation that was so deeply erotic that i can still feel it's effect years later from the memory. There was no bullying or meanness, indeed the power of it was in affection. i've written about it elsewhere on this site, but the Dom read me so well and knew exactly where my buttons were and how to push them, and He did. Before Him, i wasn't much of a cocksucker emotionally, i just loved to get bred. He changed that, not by taking anything away, but by adding ardent cocksucker to the list. He had me in an awkward position and His cock was so big (both long and girth) i was gagging (which i hate... well, hated before Him, now it's just an inconvenience), my eyes were streaming tears and my nose was running. i must have looked awful. He wanted me to look Him in the eyes, which was awkward as hell in the position i was in lying between His spread legs. He'd ask me questions while i had my mouth full, looking expectantly for an answer. He also kept talking continuously, He combined coaching me on how to suck Him, encouraging me: 'that's it, just a little deeper, around the curve." And when i would do it He'd exclaim: "Good boy!!" but utterly matter of factly, not like some good-ole-boy would, but exactly like He was talking to a young boy or a pet dog. He'd tell me how proud He was, and ask if i was proud of what i had accomplished... and i was. i was absolutely glowing with pride and at the same time, embarrassed at how i felt. In the end, i absolutely adored Him, and still do at the thought of Him. A few other's have found similar places in me and 'collared' me, but none as thoroughly as He did. i don't think He made me this way, i think He saw it and knew how to bring it out of hiding and to the surface, how to use it to get what He needed/wanted. Even with the humiliation of it, i wish for Him or someone in my life who took the same pleasure in exercising the same power.

While i'm grateful to be a guy and sex is as a gay guy is comparatively easy to get (compared to straight), i do think we miss out if we ignore the emotional and mental side of sex. That's easy to do with hook up sex. For me, quality sex twice a week beats quantity sex every day. i don't think one can have that if their partner is only a hole or a cock to them. i've been fucked by a guys finger or a dildo and He was so connected to what He was doing, that i was thoroughly connecting with Him. i always try to engage a guys mind and emotions before i even hook with him, but many guys don't want that. To me, once you've experienced mind fuck, there is no going back. For me, sex is all about connecting with another guy, the more we connect emotionally, mentally and physically , the better. To me, sex without the mental and emotional connection is getting close to sex with a condom.

This is me. i don't say much at all. it's not like i am holding back, i just don't want to be fake or say things to manipulate... that's just me, i know. i sometimes feel badly for the guy who wants me to 'talk dirty' and it just feels so put on to me, i sometimes wish it didn't. i love it when a Top says what's on His mind while fucking me, talking dirty is a turn on if it's real. i have no problem being open with a Top and sharing my kinks though, usually before we meet. On the other hand, some guys make me moan, some make me gasp, some make me whimper, or a combination of all. i often bite my mattress and writhe in pleasure. The one exception i mentioned earlier is sometimes a Top will fuck me in a way where i wanna say "i love you." And that is completely real, yet i just bite my mattress and contain it because i'm afraid He'll think i'm crazy and i'll turn Him off.

Life is not black and white, eh? i appreciate your sweet and considerate side, my guess is He's attracted to that too. Ass and cock are a lot easier to get than an emotional connection, even when that connection is complicated or tenuous. Deeper emotional connections come with more risk, but then, the rewards are greater too. Obviously, you are both getting something from this. As a 13 year old, i read "City of Night" by John Rechy. Books were my friends in an era and culture that considered my being gay as "broken, sick, sinful, etc.." His book was pretty racey and provocative for when it was written, but it was also honest and insightful. A novel about a guy who runs away, is a hustler and explores the conflicts between hustling and the emotional needs of the hustler. Figuring out what our wants and needs are is the process of living. Part of the process of learning who and how we are can involve introspection. Part of that process can be in relationship. i believe it's important to have a sort of balance. I.e., we cannot see ourselves clearly just employing introspection, nor can we see ourselves clearly just in the reflection we see of ourselves in the mirror of relationship (everyone's "mirror" is colored and bent, so we don't always get an objective reflection). i think you are doing a stellar job! You seem to be honestly asking questions, looking listening, reflecting, trying to see what is. That's living, and i applaud your embrace of life and that you are not doing so mindlessly, but trying to understand it all. Yay you!

God, i love You! i understand, but don't relate to guys like mikeboi1 or their Tops. And that's cool, i think it's wrong to try and conform to labels. i think labels and words exist to serve us, not the other way around. They're just a way of trying to communicate, but we have to listen to the person using the words, not just the words. And, thanks but no thanks for the allowance of "mancunt or manpussy." For me, those words are like two steps forward and three steps back. Ideally, i want a Top to 'have' as much of me as He can get, i don't want to "keep" anything... but that's where He has to have knowledge, confidence, skill, natural presence. i don't like pretend, especially when i know that it's possible to have the real thing.

"Degradation" holds a certain fascination for me. If it hits the right button in me, it can be extremely powerful and evoke a feeling of adoration in me. If it hits the wrong button, at best, i shut down. i'm not turned on by bullies and when a guy uses terms like "pussy" or "cunt" with a derogatory tone, an inner part of me becomes inaccessible to them. i don't associate with the words mysoginistically. But when a Top uses the same terms matter of factly or affectionately, it has the opposite effect. It can open and penetrate an inner emotional hole in me for Him to breed. For me, i think it has to do with the distinction He is making between He and i, that He is identifying me and my body as someone to be penetrated and receive Him into myself. For me, the word "asshole" is neutral or negative. i don't want the emphasis on it as a place where my body eliminates waste, but as the receptive part of me that it is. To me, that would be like calling a womans vagina a "blood hole " or something similar. Honestly though, i don't think there is a 'right 'or 'wrong' side to the terms generically, i think it's how they are used and how we are psychologically disposed to take them individually. E.g., if a Top only associates "pussy" with a woman, and He is turned off by women, i am not going to use the term "pussy" when conversing with Him, i'm going to look for His button/s that turn Him on as a Top because i want to turn Him on, make Him happy and be a source of pleasure for Him. Re degradation. This topic still holds some mystery for me. Conquering armies have practiced raping the defeated males as a means of asserting they've won and utterly defeating their foe. It also seems to exist in the animal world. Though there are animalistic parts of sex that appeal, i like being human and having a mind and emotions that can fuck too, so i don't want to just keep sex at an animal level. Re the "conquering" aspect? To me it's more powerful for the conquerer to look me in the eyes, take out His cock and knowingly say "you want and need this, bend over" than it is for Him to pretend to force something i know i already want and need. So, full circle. If a Top uses "pussy," etc., in a forceful, derogatory or mysoginistic way with me, part of it becomes pretend for me. If He uses it in a matter of fact way, He has me.

i've got a decent sized cock 7.5 on a good day, but with girth. Doesn't really matter since i'm no longer married and i'm bottom. When i was younger and comparatively inexperienced at getting fucked, there was a guy at a regular cruising spot who was enormous. The biggest cock i have ever encountered in person. i took him, but it was work. i'm guessing he had to be 11" and lots of girth, and i didn't take him with abandon, so i look back with disappoinment with myself. Now my hole has been changed and can take cocks as delivered... usually. There was one Guy who wasn't overly long, but the diameter was extraordinary. The first time, i took Him, but wasn't prepared mentally. Even though He came, i didn't feel like He had me totally. He would contact me fairly frequently and i had to overcome my fear, but honestly, i loved Him so that wasn't emotionally hard, just practically. Mostly it was about getting in, once relaxed, i'm okay, but He'd get in and start fucking before i would get relaxed. i learned to open my hole ahead of time so i could better aline with His timing. His cock was so big around that He'd always leave me in a puddle of my own prostate juices, He'd literally fuck it out of me. It was always hard work, but i came to love Him, His energy, so much that i couldn't refuse. i miss him, He's on the east coast and i on the west. i imagine if we still lived near each other, my hole would now be more fitting for Him. i wouldn't see that as a "wrecked" hole, but a fixed hole. my hole is a lot more fixed today than it was when i started out, so i want to think it's made (by Tops) to accommodate (hopefully) any cock.

i appreciate your honesty, you are who you are. It's rare in my experience, but you sound like a dom bottom, which i think is counter intuitive to most bottoms especially to those who have sub in their nature too. Personally i associate being bottom, penetrated and inseminated, with "sub." i used to be what i called a "cum dump," but that has changed for me. i've turned into a quality over quantity bottom, which is not to suggest that getting a quick load can't be a "quality" experience or to minimize the value of cum. Really, it's the opposite, i want both parties to value the connection, and cum can be a part of that. i get that we can quantify the connection between Top and bottom down to the end result of depositing cum, but i think we as humans can go beyond that. We have cognition and emotions that we can fuck with (i.e. sexually connect with) too. For me, being sub is not automatic, it's a response. For example, i was texting with a guy on Recon last night and at one point He said: "and it's "sir." I.e., He was telling me to use "sir" when addressing Him. i did. But my doing so didn't elevate Him to Dom for me emotionally or cognitively, it was surface. To me, submission is something i give, just like a Top or Dom is giving me His cock or cum, i am giving Him my body as a receptacle a place to temporarily put His cock and permanently leave His seed. Submission can be surface or run deep, but for me, that's dependent on the person i am with. my "submission" is, at least in part, a reflection of His dominance. If His dominance is 'shallow,' so is my submission. For me, the connection can involve so much more than cock, cum and ass. What i crave as a bottom/sub, is the energy and desire of a Top/Dom to penetrate, create, effect, influence, mold, modify, leave His mark, inseminate, impregnate... the descriptors can be endless. Conversely, i see the wiring of a Top/Dom as wanting/needing to do those things, to connect in that way with someone who needs and wants who they are and that part of their self they need and want to impart. For me, the best connections are balanced. One of the best connections i have ever had with a Guy we had awesome sex. Yet, i spent the week end with Him and didn't get one drop of actual semen from Him. But, He left such a deep physical, mental and emotional 'mark' on me, that i carry Him as a part of me a couple of years after we were together. He definitely fucked and seeded me. i think mechanical sex is still special, but it's the basest form of sex and can almost be disrespectful of the act. i think whatever form sex takes, the quality of it is effected by the presence and focus of both parties. i think we can fuck 'deeply' for 30 seconds or 30 minutes, that it's not about time.

Wow, just wow. His VP is openly anti gay. To me, you have to have some internalized homophobia to endorse someone who favors the religious over LGBQT. Favoritism is not equal rights. https://news.yahoo.com/2020-vision-trump-gets-surprise-log-cabin-republicans-endorsement-182340690.html?.tsrc=daily_mail&uh_test=1_02

Cool topic. Hmm, i count 3? #1, but i'd modify it to "stink in general." Honestly, if a cock comes through a GH, it's going into my mouth or hole, stink or not. my only exception to sucking it the smell of shit, but you can fuck me with any cock. For me, the worst "stink" is bad breath. As a bottom, i prefer my penis not get penetrative attention, but i've let a fellow cocksucker have it out of love and understanding for his need sometimes. The smell of sex is a whole different thing, please don't wash that off. Having said all that, i understand that some guys are highly turned on by different smells, so i qualify this is personal etiquette. #2. Double ditto on this one. It's a hole for a cock, not a camera. if you are concerned about looks, you're in the wrong place. #3. i confess i've changed over time on this one. i've evolved. When i was younger, i wasn't a hungry cock sucker, i was ideally a pussy for breeding, sucking was foreplay. Now, it's more about what the Top wants, and if He wants a bj only, i'm on it. The key word is "hungry." Usually, when i start in on sucking a cock, i get hungrier and hungrier, especially if i sense the pleasure of my Top. i can get kinda voracious and the wall becomes an impediment to me pleasuring the guy and getting every millimeter of His cock. i also love to cup and caress a Tops balls while sucking Him, and that isn't always possible with a GH, so sometimes i do want a guy to come into my booth when it gets intense. i so appreciate this, thank You for being a communicator. i do realize that some guys are not as tuned in when doing GH sex though, that may be why they are there. They may be shy or new and not have a clue. i try to sense the guy on the other side, but that is hit and miss, none of us read minds. i'd say about 85% of the guys i start with sucking get offered my ass. i confess i have become more bold about that. i don't think it's improper to just slide it into my ass without asking. i don't think it's any more accurate to assume a guy just wants a bj if he puts his cock through a GH than to assume he wants to breed. i think it's safe to assume he wants his cock pleasured. If a guy pulls back when i offer my ass, i honor that and resume sucking, but at least half the time, they stay in my ass and breed it. Some are obviously surprised, but when they stay, they obviously like it, even if it wasn't what they expected. Not fond of teasers. Guys who just tease you with their cock, but have no intention of giving it to you. The worst offense though is guys who pull out when they cum. Holy fuck, that is awful. To me that denigrates the whole act of connecting for both guys.

It's sort of shocking, no? Guys who communicate their displeasure by striking out physically? i encounter it fairly frequently as a critical care hospital nurse. It's usually guys, but some women strike out too. Maybe it's being in an environment where 'normal' social boundaries are not in place? Sort of like some internet forums or chats where some people feel free to be completely obnoxious? Not everyone is civilized. On another level, i know there are a lot of newbies who end up at a spa, i think for some guys it may turn into an overload situation and they may not have the experience to deal with all the new experiences they are encountering? He may have felt violated? Even though that is irrational, especially as you point out, in a "bathhouse." But emotional responses are often not thought out, they just happen. On the one hand, i know there are people who just haven't developed coping skills and react like a three year old. On the other hand, i can see normally rational people reacting like a crazy because the situation is foreign to them. The first guy will tell you why he's right, the second may feel shame at his response when he feels less 'threatened.'

i'm trying to wake this discussion by posting more. Caution, this is prolly gonna be long. i'm sometimes embarrassed when i realize just how important communication and, the emotional connection that goes along with it, are to me. "Embarrassed" is the wrong word, but i can't think of another descriptor? It makes me feel woman-like? My feelings don't aline with my thoughts or standards because i'm pretty feminist and anti patriarchal with my outlook and standards, so it's curious to me the attributes that i associate with being a woman would also evoke a sort of embarrassed feeling? i'm guessing that's just a conditioned feeling. But it's not a negative feeling in the least, it can be deeply erotic for me when a guy naturally Dom's me in matter of fact ways vs forceful ways, and attributing woman attributes to me has that emotional effect on me. For instance, when a guy uses the word "pussy" with me in a derogatory tone, it turns me off or has no effect, probably because i don't perceive it as the intended insult. When a guy uses the same word in a matter-of-fact way, or even affectionatly, it has an emotionally subduing effect on me and makes me physically receptive. i find guys who do that have often discovered their power to effect, they're usually "Dom" and that feeds their nature as well. To me, that's just one example of how much fuller interaction with a guy can be when it is more than physical. i wonder how many guys will just glaze over reading this? For a time, i was thinking that my deep desire to connect emotionally with a guy was just part of my sub nature, but i came to realize that was just a sort of ethnocentric notion. I.e., that being sub and more like a woman emotionally made me more emotionally aware and communicative, but it's not the case. Even though the "woman" (i hesitate to use the word "fem" because that is usually associated with affectations that i don't have) part seems to often be associated with sub, it doesn't follow that the desire to communicate and connect emotionally is just a female attribute. i've had discussions with a Dom/Top guy on this site who is equally frustrated with how many guys are "emotionally retarded." He too is frustrated by the number of guys who don't know how to connect emotionally. i am pretty convinced it's more a matter of ignorance than a conscious choice when guys eschew emotional connection, or maybe even substitute quality physical connection for lack of emotional connection? i've lately been having written exchange with a Dom guy on an online site. There's definite attraction between us, we've both identified that His Dom nature and my sub nature are naturally pulling us toward each other. But we are more than ion's floating in the ether, we have intellect and emotion that can add to and enhance relationship. He initiated the conversation. The truth is, i never would have initiated a conversation with Him because He had virtually no profile, once sentence. Not even pics (which i am convinced is how many guys unconsciously initiate relationship). He used the typical line: "I like your profile" (my profiles are usually in book form lol). i say "typical" because almost never does a guy say why they like your profile. sigh. So i asked: "what is it about my profile that you like?" (and that immediately makes me feel like i am being like a woman when i ask that, curious, eh?). His response: "because you know what you want and how to say it." Well, that pushed my buttons and started an exhange. But what happened was, i did all the writing and His responses were short and often didn't even respond to 9/10 of what i wrote. i was almost literally begging Him to self disclose. And that's where many guys seem to get the deer in the head lights look. Guys have been mocked (usually by women) for being shallow. i don't believe it for the most part. i think guys have just as many thoughts and emotions as women, but lack self awareness and/or the skill set to articulate what they think and feel (relationally). He responded how i sort of expected (based on experience) feeling awkward and cornered, He got defensive. He used the again typical response: "I'm an open book, if you want to know something, just ask." i gently pointed out to Him that that puts all the effort of relationship on one person, but that just pissed Him off. i see that line in so many profiles online lol. On the surface, it just looks lazy, but i think many guys write that shit sincerely thinking they are being open. Most of them never connect that not only are they not an "open book," they often don't even have a dust cover. But i like this guy, and again, i am convinced that the thoughts and feelings are all there, He just doesn't know how to express them. So, i took the approach of mirroring Him. I.e., i stopped self disclosing and just asked and answered questions with short answers like His. Within a few days He was asking: "are you okay? you've been quiet... It’s been a while since I read a long and beautiful message from you." i replied: "had the impression after one of our conversations that you prefer questions and answers as a way of communication? i've tried to scale back on long messages where i just share my thoughts and feelings. and just aak and answer questions. i have found that a lot of guys seem to prefer short, occasional test type messaging, and i got the impression that's what you like?" His response was almost verbatim what i had tried to explain to Him about Himself earlier on lol: "Asking a question or couple of questions isn’t the same as reading about your feelings or why you’d love to do with me when we are finally together. I told your earlier that I enjoy reading your messages even if I don’t respond with long messages." LMAO, the plot thickens. my response: "Exactly. When i tried to say that to you, it just seemed to frustrate and make you angry. "Asking a question or a couple of questions isn't the same as reading about your feelings or what you'd love to do with me when we are finally together." This is true about me too. Relationship is a combination of sharing oneself as well as asking/answering questions. But you seem to want me to share myself and the only way i can get to know you is by asking questions and getting short answers? You say "I'm not that interesting." i don't agree lol. What little i do know about you i really love, but you keep your self so deeply hidden. i know you are not used to sharing your thoughts and feelings, but that does not mean you don't have them, it just means you are not used to sharing them or having someone who wants to know you. i want to know you as much as you seem to want to know me, and "asking a question or a couple of questions isn't the same as reading about your feelings...." His response: "Well said handsome. Now I’m hard and I need your warm mouth wrapped around my cock! " Lol, so of course i'm in love with Him. Fuck. To HIs credit, He wrote a little more than that, made an effort, and He didn't respond defensively. Time will tell whether or not He will start writing more, i am hopeful but not counting on it. I simply think He has a common blind spot and, in addition, is not practiced in the skill of self disclosure. But this is a really good, real life example of what i encounter all the time with guys. i don't think guys are stupid, i fucking love guys and find guys totally wonderful, but it is so difficult to find guys who know how to communicate their thoughts and feelings. Emotional relationship has been hard to obtain, but i keep trying.

i wasn't the high school faggot, by that age, i'd learned how to be a chameleon and just blend in. i got bullied incessantly in elementary school and jr high school. i consciously realized my attraction to guys at 12 or so, but looking back can still remember all my grade school crushes on boys, can remember all their names, but never associated it. i was never called "faggot," but in grade school pretty much everyone called me "Twiggy," who was a female model at the time. i always thought it was because i was skinny and never connected that i was being compared to a female. Looking back, i can see i was pretty damned fem as a kid. When i was 9 or 10 i found a wig and dressed up as a girl one Halloween and all of our neighbors didn't recognize me and thought i was a girl. i got off on it, but my dad got really pissed when he found out. i hated being bullied and learned at a pretty young age to not be fem and by the time i was in high school, i was no longer the "faggot," other guys got had that distinction. i was still extremely skinny, i had grown a whole foot when i was 14 and also had a sunken chest to go with my slender build, so i was extremely self conscious and shy dressing in the locker room. One day in HS, as we were dressing for gym class, i over heard a couple of black guys say something about "bag pipes" as they were dressing, i naively turned to them and said: Oh, i love bag pipes" and one of the guys grabbed his cock and said: "oh yeah? here." i realized what they meant then of course and blushed and turned away, and then made a point of avoiding them after that. There was a lot of racial tension in my HS. When in HS, i'd go to the park and look at guys. A known "faggot" tried to pick me up once, but i was also religious and didn't really like him, so nothing happened. The only other sexual thing that ever happened when i was in HS a stranger in his 30's picked me up once when i was walking to the store. i was 16 and he stopped in his car and asked directions to the hospital. As i was explaining how to get there, he asked if i would show him and i innocently said "sure." i had to get in to his car on the drivers side because the passenger door didn't open. He told some story about his sick wife and as we were driving to the hospital, he pulled into a vacant lot and said he wanted to smoke a joint before going. i didn't get high, but was very familiar with getting high because my older sister did it all the time, so i thought nothing of it. He told me that the joint was hidden under my seat and told me to keep look out while he retrieve it. I was so naive, he said it was stuck up under the seat and he kept pushing on the seat, between my legs to "try and free it" while he kept insisting that i keep look out. i was so stupid, it took a bit before i realized he was feeling me up after my penis got hard lol and then it dawned on me what was happening. At that point i got scared and told him i had to go home. He asked me if i wanted to come to his place, but i was scared and said i had to go, so he dropped me off where he'd picked me up. i ended up jackng off frequently after thinking of him and remembering the event. Because is was so religious, i didn't have sex till i was married to a woman at age 21, then finally with a guy when i was 27. But as a high schooler, all my masturbation fantasies were about guys.

Okay, this one is sort of counter intuitive for me, but i saw a guy through a glory hole a week ago who was wearing “Daisy Dukes” (very short button fly cut off jeans), and he was so hot in them. “Counter intuitive” because I’d expect a fem or bottom to wear that, but when I presented my ass, he bred it. Love him.

i don't know that emotional can be separated from physical connection? i think it's a fallacy in some cultures that men are less emotional than women. i think males have been conditioned by culture to often hide or bury their emotions and that has fed the notion that men are less emotional. i believe those surpassed emotions come out though, but are often not understood for what and why they are. For instance, many guys have been taught from an early age not to cry, so their hurt and pain often comes out expressed as anger. i think it's changing, that men are more allowed to express feeling now days, but i think generally we have a lot of catching up to do. One of the biggest impediments i find to a deeper relationship with a guy is the inability of many guys to articulate what and how they feel. Often, i think they don't even know their self because they've never learned about introspection. But i think emotion is a natural part of being human and it is an important part of how we connect. "Mind fuck" is not a bad thing.

i've had little success with grindr. if i'm using online, i open several apps at a time. squirt, bareback, A4A are all go. i used to have most success with CL, but that's gone. Like CuriousDallas, if i am really horny, i cruise the ABS. Not unusual to get 4 or 5 cocks in a short period of time. i used to really like GH sex, but lately i feel like the wall just gets in the way of taking a cock deep, whether sucking or getting fucked. Cruising places are always better than online, guys are there because they want it now, so don't have to worry about flakes and ghosts.

i think this is hot actually. If i'd been the bottom and knew why, i'd have been flattered and loved you back.

i've never minded when that happens as a bottom. i honestly don't think there is such a thing as "premature ejaculation" when a Top is fucking me, any cock and cum (or piss) is get is fully 'mature' as far as i'm concerned. i adore your excitement and pleasure and am grateful to be a receptacle of it.

It's complicated, eh? It's probably impossible to answer the question as black and white in a world of infinite variation? i really appreciate that pigchaser asked the question though, and that we are discussing the topic on BZ. i think there are some golden discussions in this community, that there are a lot of thoughtful and intelligent guys here (as demonstrated in your post), and i count myself rich to be a part of this community. i think we (LGBTQ people) have often unconsciously internalized heteronormative notions and standards and i think discussions like this can expose that and help us have a fresh (our own) perspective. i think You are so right, people change (e.g., Tops become bottoms and vice versa, etc). Our personalities, as well as our sexuality seems fluid? i've restored a few historic houses and one of the things i've noticed in very old houses is the glass in the windows is thicker at the bottom than at the top. Glass is fluid, but it moves so slowly that it may take 100 years to notice a change from casual observation. Point being, some of our fluidity moves so slowly it seems to not move at all in a lifetime, some so fast, it seems enough for a dozen life times lol. We change in one way, not another, or multiple ways at once... infinite possibilities. i generally present as "total bottom" with a decided sub streak. i definitely don't fit everyone's idea of "sub,' i definitely do appeal to certain kinds of Dom's. When it comes to hook up, that's a lot easier because it's not a 'permanent', or ongoing, relationship, so compromise is pretty easy. In an ongoing relationship, i think compromise wears away at the bonds that are there, holding the relationship together, so it makes sense to me to try and identify ways to strengthen and maintain a relationship when the goal is ltr. i'm not opposed to monogamy, i think it can have advantages. Not opposed to open, i think it too can have advantages. Poly people have an interesting take on that (thinking of their efforts to commit to multiple partners). i see myself as pretty self aware. i also usually know how to articulate what i see fairly well. For me, one of the biggest impediments i've encountered when it comes to ltr is not "Top/bottom" so much as it is finding guys who understand and can articulate who and how they are beyond a simple label. While i identify as "bottom/sub" as my identifier, surface label, the contents are a lot more complex and require unpacking to get an accurate understanding of the ingredients. i think that's true about everyone, but finding guys who get that and want to explore each other together (i.e., "relationship"). It does make sense to me to surface (label) qualify initially, though that is not fool proof as you observe and note. While i identify that emotionally and mentally, i am "bottom/sub," i also have this thing about me where a guys ass is visually my favorite part of the male anatomy. For instance, looking at Your drop dead gorgeous ass fills me with lust and simultaneously makes me weak lol. And the "lust" i am filled with is not the "i wanna fuck it" type. Though i could honestly see my lust being manipulated that way, it wouldn't be a simple process (i've been 'Dommed' into penetrating guys, but it uses my sub nature). For example, the prospect of me inserting my penis into a guy does not stimulate an erection, but guys talking about breeding me can make me hard as a rock. Go figure? Those are just some details associated with Top/bottom, Dom/sub relationship that i personally see. Of course, there are as many "details" as there are guys and combinations of guys, so narrowing the details of the foundation (i.e., identifying general sexual compatibility) on which we might attempt to build ltr makes sense to me.

i love the feel of the energy, desire, emanating from the guys wanting and ready to breed, but having to wait their turn. i kinda goes without saying that it feels amazing to be continuously fucked and bred by a variety of Tops, but the feeling of endless desire is top of the list for me. my absolute favorite is if one Top or Dom is in control or has instigated the gang bang, then my focus i primarily on Him. For me, it's like the desire and breeding energy gets channeled through Him and it concentrates it, like turning Him into a super stud.

i have several cages, 6 i think? 3 metal (two of those are micro with/without urethral tubes) and 3 plastic. i really like the micro with a solid cage the best, and i like the idea of a urethral tube, but am concerned about a UTI wearing a urethral tube long term. For me, a cage is as much a mental and emotional cage as it is physical. i don't disassociate the cage from the person who applies it, so if i put it on myself, i am essentially caging myself and it doesn't have the same effect. i have the same issue with toya as well. For me, using anal toys on myself feels like trying to top myself and i'm not top, so it doesn't 'feel' right. Same with a cage, putting a cage on myself feels like trying to 'dom' myself and it doesn't have the same effect as having a Guy tell me He wants to cage me because He wants to control any touching of my penis and my orgasm. When a particular Guy puts my penis in a cage, it has the effect of associating my penis with Him, i.e., He owns it and my pleasure, so it makes me think and have feelings about Him vs just going without.

So to me you sound versatile or top versatile? I’m Not sure there’s a right or wrong answer to this question? There are many here who identify as “Total Top” or “total bottom”, throw in stuff like “Dom” and “sub” and it gets more complex. I don’t doubt there are guys who are compatible in other areas and are willing to make the sex trade off, but I think what often qualifies as ‘love’ is often codependent or quid pro quo.