tallslenderguy

Maybe the guys name is "Art" and it's offering a "piece" of him?

Those wacky Swedes, this is way to practical to be art. Great toy for Tops.

i was around for the first 'deadly outbreak,' it actually occurred when i first started having sex with men. i watched my brother die from AID's, it was horribly sad and soul crushing to watch. He had already suffered enough as a gay man growing up in an era/culture of ignorance and rejection. In spite of that, i pretty much never practiced 'safe sex' because, for me, it wasn't sex if it was contained or restricted. i tried. Hell, i was religious and married, i tried to not be gay. Didn't work, the need/drive to connect was way bigger than the threat of a gruesome and untimely death from a disease. i don't figure any of that has changed, and i'd just be at risk again.

Thanks for sharing your experience, and yeah, my intent by using the word "Dom" in the title was to clarify i wasn't speaking of every Top, but appreciate the emphasis that your post adds. From what i have read of your posts, you have significantly more experience with D/s than i. In my life, i have only had three significant connects with Doms. Two of those were not discussed as "D/s" relationships each of us, one lasted a year and a half, the other one week end. The third was absolutely qualified as D/s, was all online and lasted a month. Those are my relational experiences... i've talked to a lot of people identifying as Dom or sub, but that's the extent of my D/s experience. Those three relationships were hugely significant for me, each marked me permanently, but that's all personal perspective. The story i related in my first post was with the longest term FB (a year and a half, weekly get togethers). He was my first relationship with a Dom and, while we never spoke of D/s relationship, i came to realize that is what it was. At that point, i was new to the D/s framework and didn't have experience or vocabulary to articulate it, that came retrospectively. So, i was a naive bottom experiencing a Dom (and retrospectively, a really skilled, mature Dom) for the first time. He was the first to draw on my sub nature, exercise and develop it leaving His signature on me. Being new and ignorant, a lot of what He did was both alluring and confusing to me, so i wrote that into the experience i was relating. In a way, my question is tongue in cheek, and may seem rhetorical to some (many?). But it really isn't meant to be, i really am hoping it spurs discussion and sharing or all perspectives. i mention in another thread that i subscribe to the spectrum idea of sexuality. In this case, i'd put Dom at one extreme end of the spectrum and sub at the other. i see Top and bottom fitting between those, versatile some where in the middle. i don't see the spectrum as one dimensional, but multidimensional, which is to say: "infinitely complex." Consequently, i do not see D/s in black and white terms. i'm looking forward to reading perspectives on D/s and my question was intended to spark input about bottom/sub position/s in D/s relationship.

ErosWired started a great thread "Do Tops have a right to a bottoms' ass" and it made me think of this. The short and simple answer is: "of course." But it can be confusing as hell to a bottom (which may be the point for some). i was thinking of a Dom FB i had awhile back who never made me cum, but He worked me to a place where He called my hole a "pussy" and my penis a "clit." He went through a fairly complex process to get me to a place with Him where i went from finding it kind of distasteful and insulting to loving it and Him when He called it that. Dom magic lol. Something He did a few times during the process was to take lube (He liked Elbow grease, and that ended up becoming my favorite) and apply it to my penis. This is a FB i never saw, He always wanted me waiting blindfolded, and that really enhanced things. The few times He did it, He simply touched my penis softly with a hand full of lube without any warning. After He touched it, He said: "I'm going to butter your clit, but don't cum." He didn't squeeze or touch me hard, just really sort of a tease, more like He just wanted to apply a thick coat of Elbow Grease on me. That was pretty much it. He would kind of tease me saying: "I just want to remind you that you have a clit and that it's just a pretty part of your pussy. I don't want you to cum because of it, even though I know a pussy can get pleasure that way, I only want you to get pleasure from penetration." And that was it. i could feel the cold wetness of the Elbow Grease, He probably refrigerated it, and at first i'd get hard as a rock with anticipation and desire... but He never did anything but coat it and verbally tease me. The last few times He did it, I didn't get hard at all, and He told me He was proud of me... which embarrassed me and made me actually blush. So, what do you think Do you think a Dom has a right to fuck with a bottoms head using his penis?

"Safe sex" is a pretty outdated concept in 2019. The term was invented as a response to HIV. Now the 'safest' guys to fuck with when it comes to HIV are poz undetectable/suppressed or guys on PreP. There's actual evidence to back this up, it's not an idea. There is no evidence supporting guys who say they are "d&d free" etc., even know what they are talking about, or if they do, if they are telling the truth. For me it's a no brainer. If you are having sex that is not monogamous, "Safe" means being on PreP or meds if you are poz. i think it's fucking awesome, we (bare backers) won this one.

Wow, my first read of this one. One of the things i am grateful for is being different (gay) has taught me to question the status quo. my cultural background was full of strict rules about what should and should not be. Problem was, that included my sexual orientation. It took me a long time and a lot of examination and processing to realize that who i am is reality and what i was taught "should be" and "shouldn't be" didn't reflect reality. i think you've already been given some great input, so i'll add my ditto.

lol, i am sure you are right. i've likely been completely satisfied by more than a few "good actors." ditto re flipping. for me that would be like trying to drive the wrong way on a busy road.

This is so accurate for me, it runs to the core of who i am. i know this is contrary to the way a lot of guys identifying as subs are wired, but i am turned off by bullies. It's not fear, i am literally turned off. For me it screams weakness. Anyone who has to make me do anything does not affect me as Dom, but as too inadequate to find out how to manipulate my already willing and sub nature. Not saying this makes me 'right' and those who get into bullying or being bullied wrong, it's just not going to get a sub response with me. The Guy who has the knowledge and ability to get me to want to do what He wants borders on magical to me

If i possess any "pickiness" when it comes to sex, it's that i hate role play. If i am doing the contacting, i pretty much never contact a "versatile" and often steer clear of 'versatile top." One of the first questions i ask a guy who's profile has either of those designations is: "does it bother you that i am total bottom?" i know some guys are more fluid than others, so i'll never pass up a guy who wants/needs to breed, but if they are wanting cock, or to flip, i politely give them my love and wish them luck. i do not consider them bad or inferior, just not good chemistry. To me, compromising on who we are is what devolves into role-play. To me, it's not really sex if i am playing a role and if i detect my Top is roleplaying, it loses something. That's putting it gently, i have actually had to stop myself from laughing when i encounter a guy who is obviously not used to being a Top or is just trying to role play dominance. Some of my most meaningful and powerful encounters with Dom guys have been with Dom's who were not overt about who they are... i.e., they weren't hung up on "Sir" or descriptors, they just were. Honestly, there is nothing that brings the sub out of me more deeply than what i call a "subtle" or "affectionate" Dom. i know i use this Guy a lot as an example here, but that's just an indicator of how deeply He 'marked' me. He was about as opposite of "Nazi homophobic..." as one can get. He made me without really having to talk about it (i.e., i didn't have to tell Him: "i'm sub). He knew, and was confident enough to just presume on me. He has an 8" very thick cock, the kind i don't usually run to suck on because, well, it's so big it's harder to fit and put pressure in the right places and please, so just His size had me feeling inadequate from the start. He took a casual, relaxed position on my bed, sitting and leaning against my headboard, legs spread. He guided me to lie between His legs, facing Him. He let me start out sucking Him on my own, but soon He was directing me. He was soooo encouraging, but in an unrelenting way, like there was no question that He was going to get what He wanted. He kept 'encouraging' me to take His cock completely, saying things like "all the way" and "take it around the corner" . When i managed to get it in all the way, He'd insist that i look Him in the eyes, which was really awkward in that position. i was gaging and my eyes were tearing. When i would have Him all the way in my throat, He ask "do you like that?" while i was looking in HIs eyes. He knew i couldn't answer, but had an expectant look on His face that i would answer, so i'd try, but couldn't. When i'd get His cock in my throat, He would excitedly gush: "Good boy, i'm so proud of you." The combination of His words and what i was doing made me feel both proud and embarrassed at the same time, which was a total mind fuck for me. He got inside my head really deep and played me with ease. i only saw Him that once and have not seen Him for over two years, but i literally adore Him to this day. After He was done, He took me to dinner... we walked down the sidewalk and as we walked, He casually reached over while looking straight ahead and put His hand down the back of my jeans and ran His finger along my crack, then withdrew. i wanted to fold into Him then and there. There was no Nazi or overt bullying, but He took possession of me and knew it.

i have a friend on this site who as been married to a Dom guy for several years, we've written back and forth a lot and shared the most intimate details of our lives with each other. Sometimes when he has told me about his ongoing relationship i consider writing back that i am "jealous" or "envious" of what he has, but i always trip over those words if i write them, and usually edit them out because they just are not accurate. i love my faggot friend and am happy for what he has, i'd be sad if he lost it and words like "jealous" or "envious" convey a desire to possess that i do not feel. I.e., i would love to have what he has, but not at his expense. i see competition among bottoms all the time; here where some subtly (and some not so subtly lol) assert things about their self they hope will be perceived qualities from a Top, will make them unique, stand apart from the pack. At sex clubs and ABS, i've experienced bottoms who will identify other bottoms, then go down the booth hallway and close the booths on either side of the bottom in an attempt to steer guys away from them and, i guess, toward them. Competition between bottoms pisses me off and my response is to usually to leave or take myself out of the picture rather than make connecting with another guy a competition. But i'd also like to be completely honest and clarify that's not because i see myself as some sort of unworthy receptacle. i don't. "Receptacle" yes, "unworthy" no. i think we (Top and bottom) all have varying/different value and that our value is realized in relationship, not conferred by it. To me, competition is me trying to force realization of my value, which to me seems a violation of autonomy. idk, that may be weird, but i really think and feel that way. flacogedor wrote in an earlier post: "Tops (Alphas, not just any guy with a dick) have a right to bottoms' asses, but bottoms don't have a right toTops' cum." i think that just like there is a difference between being Top and Alpha, there is also a difference between being bottom and sub and that a sub is not just any guy with a hole. The spectrum view of who and how we are makes sense to me. I.e., at one end of the spectrum are "Alpha" at the the other end "sub," then Top and bottom fit somewhere after those, versatile is somewhere in the middle, etc.. i see our position on the spectrum as somewhat fluid versus static, and more individual than generic. i do not see Alpha as selfish and sub as not. To me it's selfish is one wants it and the other doesn't. If both want it, i don't see it as selfish but good chemistry. It may just be a difference in how i define terms like "selfish," and "love." i see an Alpha as Dominant, but i don't equate a desire/need to Dominate as selfish. i think it's just as possible for a sub to be selfish as it is for a Dom, it just gets expressed differently, it's more subtle, hidden, because it has to be to maintain the illusion that he's submitting. A sub may bend over and take a cock, or lick a Dom's feet, do His laundry, ad infinitum, but if he is not submitting inside, i think there's something missing. To me, the challenge, and thrill, of D/s relationship (connection) is finding those keys and knowing which holes they fit in (so to speak lol). i see "love" as recognizing and acknowledging the value of the other. A Dom finds His value in Dominating, a sub finds his value in submitting, but both are finding their value in that and each can acknowledge that value in the other without compromising who they are. Neither can exist without the other, so i think independence is an illusion. i see a lot of what is called D/s relationship that strikes me as role play, i.e., it's a "play," a show of sorts, where both parties are acting a part. i don't think that either party is (usually) missing the basic ingredients for a real D/s relationship, but they miss out on "real" because they are afraid to be honest and find their way. That's something i love about the relationship my friend i mentioned earlier has. It's real and has been a process for each of them coming into and developing what is natural in them. i think that is easier said than done. It's so much easier to assume a role than to develop and become.

bit of necrophylia too

Oh yeah, glad you brought this up, i think it is related too. i've had this done to me on several occasions too. You are right, it is not quite the same. For me, when i take a Tops finger in my mouth, it's an expression of my desire to have Him inside of me, to pleasure Him. When He does it, i definitely feel dominated and degraded would be a good word to describe the way i feel too, especially depending on the attitude behind it. my sub side is not automatic, it has a key: desire. i pretty much cannot help a submissive response when i perceive lust/desire in my Top. Detached meanness or bullying can elicit an opposite response from me, can shut me down. It's hard for me to articulate the distinction, it's a fine line. i think it has to do with connection. For me, sex with a Man is about connecting to Him on as many levels and as deeply can be. For me, domination takes skill and finese, it's not a clumsy, mindless act.

As a bottom, i love the idea of stealthing, it is a huge turn on. For me, it has nothing to do with chasing (to late for that anyway). For me there is something psychologically exciting and satisfying about a Top having His way with me without my complete knowledge. i think, as far as i can tell, for me it has to do with my complete giving of myself to my Top and His assumption that He has carte blanche, that He doesn't really need permission. my absolute favorite form of stealthing is when a Top pisses in me without asking. i guess i am so used to taking a Tops fluids that i often cannot tell by feel when He has cum or if He pisses, and am used to holding it all in, so i won't discover a Top has pissed in me until much later... and it gives me a HUGE thrill when i realize it.

Cum, of course... but since they don't sell it on Amazon, i really like Elbow Grease. Can't use it with silicon toys unfortunately, but i love the way it feels both going in and as it gets worked. i keep a container of it next to me on my bed, along with other selections like Cum Lube, silicon and water based lubes for my Top to choose from, but my favorite is the elbow grease. i also have filled a 50ml syringe with it and lay it on the bed next to me as well in case i get a Top who likes super sloppy, He can shoot it in my hole and fill it with lube before He slides in.

It's not a fetish for me, but sometimes when getting fucked (almost always lying face down), it the Tops hand is near my face, i'll take one of His fingers or thumb into my mouth and suck it. It's not boredom, just super slutty horniness to take a man in. Anyone else do this? Tops, turn on or turn off?

This is a hard one... i like them both. As others have noted, i love the bench (especially padded saw horse). Love the anonymity of it. Feels more vulnerable. It's a position where anyone can feel free to breed, they don't have to be self conscious. my ass is higher than the rest of me, so piss and cum go and stay deep. i can go forever in this position, even fall asleep if i am between fucks. Awesome way to wake up feeling a cock slide in. Also a good position for getting spanked. Also, my mouth is more accessible for sucking. Sling is more intimate. Can wrap my very long legs around the Top. Can feel and pet HIs glorious ass as He pumps me. If it's a kissing situation, can kiss. Eye contact, especially if He is mind fucking using eye contact.

Hmmm, interesting. This isn't scientific, but i can make sense of this thinking about it. The sooner one starts taking cock, the longer they have had to get conditioned to taking cock, both psychologically and physically? i didn't take my first cock until i was 27 years old. On the other hand, i was bottom from as early an age as i can remember anything sexual. i was 7 or 8 years old when Danny Newberry showed me an enema nozzle and explained to me what it was for. i immediately went home and found our enema nozzle and it became my first dildo. Growing up, i put everything and anything in my hole, it came naturally. By age 12 i was fantasizing that whatever went in my ass was a guy. i was hugely conflicted about it because of my religious roots, they were always in a fight with my nature. Eventually, my nature won out. Some have suggested that guys from my generation go through a sort of second puberty when they accept themselves as adults. When i was younger, i had 'standards' but have developed into a bottom who will take anyone who needs or wants to penetrate and/or breed me, so i do not relate to age as being a factor for willingness to bend over and not just "take" it, but want it. i was at a gay sex resort last spring, in the 'play' room. There was a guy sucking another off on a sofa, others standing around watching, so i offered my hole. It was already opened and cum filled because i had been backed up to a GH. There were two young, hung guys who had both fucked me already, but seemed to get into the fact that i would take it publicly, The guy that started on me bent me over and started ramming in and out. He kept withdrawing completely, then ramming back in, which i find harder to take. At one point He said: "turn around and clean it off, it's covered in cum." He seemed a little surprised when i immediately did it. It wasn't my preference, but i wanted Him happy. His cock was both long and fat, so it was hard to suck, but i did it. He laughed at me and made jokes to those watching about my willingness to take His cock in my mouth after it had been in my hole. He switched between fucking and getting sucked by me several times, then pulled out and walked outside. i heard Him laughing and talking to His friend outside, describing me to him and telling Him what a slut i am, He wasn't being flattering and actually hurt my feelings. He brought His friend back in, a black guy i recognized who had bred me in the gh booths. They took turns fucking me publicly and then asked me back to their room. i didn't go because of the way i had heard them talking outdoors. The reason was strange, was willing to take the humiliation, but my instincts made me think they intended to harm me, so i didn't go.

For me, this is all (well, mostly?) about spontanaity. How many hook ups have not happened because the bottom was not prepped and the Top wanted it NOW, so the Top or bottom takes a pass. Or the bottom scrambles to get prepped. i cannot count the number of meals i have skipped because i had cleaned out and didn't want to put something back in or stimulate movement that would leave me unprepared to receive a Top. To me, a Top (and bottom) who isn't "picky" is a Top (and bottom) who will fuck spontaneously. E.g., i've had this long time fantasy of a fb type relationship with a guy where the comfort/trust level was such that He could slide in anytime the need or desire came up. Particularly, i fantasize about sleeping in the same bed and waking up to Him sliding His cock in at various times throughout the night to unload or piss. There'd be no concern or thought about 'readiness', because that is not a factor. To me, it kind of compares to straight guys who will fuck a woman even if she has her period.

i stumbled onto a gay movie last night on Netflix called The Pass. It followed another Dutch movie i'd just watched (not gay), but was apparently a Netflix 'suggestion' because i'd watched another gay Israeli movie called The Cakemaker. Both the gay movies had a decided romantic side, though they didn't have Disney story lines or endings. For me, gay movies that have a halfway believable story line are a lot hotter than just porn because they (try to?) go beyond just sex and consider other parts of a person. After the movie it was pretty late, so i just went to sleep... and dreamt. i had the kind of dreams i don't want to wake from, probably a subconscious expression of my own desires/needs. my 'gay' dreams are pretty romantic and always powerful. i always wake up with a longing to return and keep experiencing them. i remember my first dream about a guy like it was yesterday. i was 14, grew up in a culture that ingrained in me that 'gay' was sin and sick. i had fantasies about guys when i masturbated, but felt guilty, it was something i fought and thought of as bad. The dream was short and very simple. It was a dream of a guy i only knew in passing at school. He was a sweet, friendly boy next door type. In the dream, He came up to me and looked me in the eyes and gave me a long, deep kiss. That was it. A kiss. Fuck, the memory of that dream makes me ache to this day. That's pretty typical of my dreams, they often have edges of sex, but more than that, they all contain deeper connections between me and another guy. For me, i know being gay is not just a sex thing. Sex for me is just a part of my expression of wanting to be connected, attached to another guy. Sex just seems to be the easiest part of the desire/need to acquire. i'm kind of romantic. i can be a slut, but i realize that part of my slutiness (maybe all of it?) is an expression of desire/need to be a receptical for a mans need/desire. "Receptical" doesn't really completely describe it because it is too detached? Like a trashcan. i don't think of taking a mans cum, need/desire as 'trash,' very much the opposite, so i never feel 'trashy' for taking a man into me. i feel fulfilled (filled full?) for a time. i wonder if sluttiness is just trying to keep that feeling of fullness going of trying not to lose it? i don't see cock or cum as the only or even ultimate goal, but as part of connecting to that guy.

i'd have a hard time keeping myself from falling for you and always wanting you... i'd want you and your cum any time you needed a bottom to take you. my slutty feelings extend to the whole man, not just His cock and cum... especially Tops who are driven to breed, but maybe feel like they are missing something. Part of my bottom nature is a demonstration that all men are awesome and wanted. It's not pity or altruism, it's a real drive, how i feel.

Not sure i could put a percentage on it? At dusk, a lot of the guys that were there were looking. It wasn't that long ago, 2014. The bridge was a known cruising spot, so i never left without getting something... found it on Squirt. Wasena Park in Roanoke VA Here's a pic of the bridge. https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7c/0a/13/7c0a133d52440fd97cf82f1c1819436d.jpg

For me, the word "treason" suggests betrayal; it also has some moral undertones in my hearing. i may be pretty sensitized to that sort of thing because i came from (out of) a conservative religious culture. It's not a word i would use. As a healthcare provider, i see (and care for) people when meth goes wrong. People who need heart transplants (but rarely qualify) because meth use fucked theirs up. Most come in with altered mental status (AMS). AMS can run the gamut from catatonic to, often, violently irrational. They are some of the most difficult patients to care for, they usually require 1:1 care because, in their altered state, they are often a danger to their self and others. They may exist, but i have never cared for a meth patient who was not self absorbed and unreasonable. Even when they are dying, they want to party. When doing a psychological assessment, many (most) meth patients end up regressed to toddler stage of development and they throw tantrums to try and get what they want. They're not fun people to be around, let alone try to care for. Rationally speaking, about 85% of the people i care for are there because of lifestyle choices, and i'm being generous, the number is probably higher. It's hard for me to moralize about meth patients making a choice and not include the other 85% who made choices that affected their health, but are socially acceptable. Most of the diseases i deal with in critical care are caused by diet. Heart disease, the number one cause of death in most countries, is mostly preventable. Too much Applebees, KFC, McDonalds, Lays potato chips, steak, ice cream, bacon, etc. etc. etc.. lol my point is, i can rationally argue (with study evidence to support my contention) that most of us make choices that have deleterious individual and social results. Which is not to suggest that i think it's okeedokee to use meth, i don't. But i do know that the reasons we (all) make choices can be very complex. Some choices make better sense than others. E.g., while pizza can kill you, it takes longer than meth does to kill your heart or brain. my inclination is to try and help people understand the consequences such choices can have without leveling moral judgement (not saying you are doing this). i have found the best thing is to find alternative choices to replace the more damaging ones. We all want pleasure, but some pleasure choices are more costly and short lived than others... so the idea is to try to find things to fill that space/need/want that are healthier for the individual, and by extension, the community.

ErosWired is right that this isn't science, i.e., this hasn't been tested using the scientific method... but i think it's still an interesting question to explore and discuss. i agree that being a bottom is not like being a woman who biologically can't fuck a hole, though reading that immediately brought to my mind women who like to use a strap on to fuck with. It also brought to mind a transgender person i dated (born in female body, identified as male). That was one of the coolest relational experiences of my life, taught me a ton. This person expressed their 'maleness?' and desire to penetrate by using their hand since he had no cock. Life is complicated, eh? my experience (which isn't science either lol) has demonstrated to me that much of sex for me is in my brain. And that too is "biological," but a lot harder to quantify. i was married (to a woman) for most of my life (long story, you can find it in pieces all over this site). i never thought of myself as straight, but because of my cultural upbringing, i fought my desires to be with a guy/s. i certainly have/had the biological equipment to top, never had any trouble getting it up, had sex several times a week over the course of 30 years. i describe my time of marriage as "being in prison" (i.e., my beliefs that it was wrong to be with a guy was my "prison"). i look at it like straight guys who go to prison and end up having sex with other guys, and even relationships, but are essentially straight and would rather be with a woman, and revert to women once they get out of prison. i was married for 31 years, had a ton of sex with my wife, but once i got divorced (got out of "prison", i.e., accepted myself), i never had sex with a woman again. my wife is the only woman i have ever had sex with. i think as long as his equipment is functional, a guy at least has the physical equipment to fuck a hole. But all of our cocks are attached neurologically to our brains and that seems to be where we have infinite diversity. my experience with diverse people makes me lean towards taking people at face value. If a guy tells me he has never topped, i generally believe him. i say "generally" because i also have lived long enough to know people lie lol. sigh. Why lie? Well apparently it's because that's how they want to be seen, known. i do get that too. The labels we use often do not represent the contents. People can be fluid, labels are static. If a guy chooses a label of "total bottom" or "total Top," my guess is it's not because they cannot do the opposite, but psychologically they (mostly?) want to be identified and function in that identity.

This is the first time i've ever been envious of a whale.