tallslenderguy

Damn, yes. This so describes my association with butt plugs. i have a drawer full of toys and plugs i almost never use. For me, a big part of wearing a butt plug is because a Top put it there. i have this inner desire and hunger to be filled by a Top (on so many levels), for me using toys is like trying to be my own Top, i always end up disappointed because i make a lousy top.

i have this weird attribute as a total bottom: i LOVE a mans ass. NOT His hole mind you, His Ass. There is something so incredibly sexy and powerful about a mans ass to me. i am constantly having my head turned watching a man walk by and staring at His ass. i have no desire to fuck it or rim it. i do love to touch it, hold it, nibble it, pet it, lick it (not the hole), lay my head on it, generally worship it. It has a very similar effect on me as a Tops cock. It doesn't matter if it's a Top or bottoms ass, either will make my legs spread and want to be HIs. My favorite Top is the kind who doesn't want anyone near His hole because He is so wired to using hole, it doesn't occur to Him that He has one. He's a penetrator.

yeah, that idea is soooo hot to me, scares the fuck out of me, but appeals to something deep and dark in me. i'm not transgender, do not identify with being a woman at all. The nullo vid's i have seen on xtube don't seem to go very deep at all? They are hot slits that ooz cum, but they don't look fuckable? i'd be disappointed if i had another hole but a Top couldn't penetrate it and breed it if He wanted.

i've been getting pop up ads for online gay sex games. Has anyone used them? Can you get really kinky? Choose position you like? It'd be really awful if they kept making me a top lol. Any suggestions or are they a waste of time?

p.s. forgot to mention, i have a pair of padded underwear that give me a bit of a bubble. For me, it's kind of like a woman wearing a mini or makeup, wanting to draw attention to my ass.

i've tried taking several times... i have a pic i tried to upload of a hand in me, but the file was to big to upload. By His reckoning, i still haven't quite taken a whole hand because it didn't get completely past that opening barrer, though t sure looks like it's in there by the pics. So far, for me the idea is hotter than the experience, and the idea keeps me trying. For me, a huge part of being a bottom is receiving a Tops desire to penetrate, so the whole idea turns me on, just haven't gotten there. i have a fantasy of waking up with a Top's hand and forearm in me. There's a sense of ownership and connection i get from that thought that makes me kinda wild.

There was a great discussion/thread recently that talked about (among other things) how most "bottoms" have the equipment and physical ability to fuck. For me it's certainly true. i wake up with erections, it feels physically good to touch my penis and cum. It also feels physically good to be penetrated by a guy and bred, but additionally, there is something emotional and mental that is nurtured and sighs with satisfaction in me when a guy wants me. Penetrating and breeding can be so much more than physical, and it's those areas where i am "total bottom." i may feel physically good cumming using my penis, but emotionally i experience disappointment, like i have compromised my self. i don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be, Top, vers, bottom, are all part of the mix, but i seem psychologically wired 'total bottom' and feel my strongest attraction to "total Tops.' i see that as natural, i.e., "opposite forces attract and bond."

Right? psychologically, i feel and think of myself as an inlet, not an outlet.

i used to wear briefs or boxers, depending on my mood. Then, a few years ago, i had a brief stint with a Dom who insisted that a bottom should never wear boxers, so i got rid of them. He also had me get a variety of jocks, thongs and even had me go to Victora Secret and buy a lace thong for myself. Even though we are no longer in a D/s relationship, i've never gone back to wearing boxers. Briefs for the most part. i associate wearing the jocks, thongs and lace with a Top who wants me to wear them, so they pretty much sit in my drawer unless a Top wants me to wear one of them.

i was afraid too. Afraid of losing control, i don't want to be incontinent. i still have plenty of internal control, my guess is that will never go away because internally we are constructed to hold, a container. My opening has lost some tightness and when i have to go, i do feel more of a sense of urgency. On the other hand, it's a lot easier for me to get fucked because it's just more receptive. i like being more of an opening instead of a closure lol.

This made me think, in a sense, my hole never 'recovers.' i reached a place where it permanently changed and became more of a slit than a pucker. i can trace that back to a FB whose goal it was to change it . i do an exercise where i clench my hole, like i am clenching a cock with it, but it's empty ;-( That seems to exercise and strengthen internal rectal muscles, give some control for milking cock. i don't have one for the anus and that's the most obvious part that seems permanently changed and will never 'recuperate.'

Maybe the guys name is "Art" and it's offering a "piece" of him?

Those wacky Swedes, this is way to practical to be art. Great toy for Tops.

i was around for the first 'deadly outbreak,' it actually occurred when i first started having sex with men. i watched my brother die from AID's, it was horribly sad and soul crushing to watch. He had already suffered enough as a gay man growing up in an era/culture of ignorance and rejection. In spite of that, i pretty much never practiced 'safe sex' because, for me, it wasn't sex if it was contained or restricted. i tried. Hell, i was religious and married, i tried to not be gay. Didn't work, the need/drive to connect was way bigger than the threat of a gruesome and untimely death from a disease. i don't figure any of that has changed, and i'd just be at risk again.

Thanks for sharing your experience, and yeah, my intent by using the word "Dom" in the title was to clarify i wasn't speaking of every Top, but appreciate the emphasis that your post adds. From what i have read of your posts, you have significantly more experience with D/s than i. In my life, i have only had three significant connects with Doms. Two of those were not discussed as "D/s" relationships each of us, one lasted a year and a half, the other one week end. The third was absolutely qualified as D/s, was all online and lasted a month. Those are my relational experiences... i've talked to a lot of people identifying as Dom or sub, but that's the extent of my D/s experience. Those three relationships were hugely significant for me, each marked me permanently, but that's all personal perspective. The story i related in my first post was with the longest term FB (a year and a half, weekly get togethers). He was my first relationship with a Dom and, while we never spoke of D/s relationship, i came to realize that is what it was. At that point, i was new to the D/s framework and didn't have experience or vocabulary to articulate it, that came retrospectively. So, i was a naive bottom experiencing a Dom (and retrospectively, a really skilled, mature Dom) for the first time. He was the first to draw on my sub nature, exercise and develop it leaving His signature on me. Being new and ignorant, a lot of what He did was both alluring and confusing to me, so i wrote that into the experience i was relating. In a way, my question is tongue in cheek, and may seem rhetorical to some (many?). But it really isn't meant to be, i really am hoping it spurs discussion and sharing or all perspectives. i mention in another thread that i subscribe to the spectrum idea of sexuality. In this case, i'd put Dom at one extreme end of the spectrum and sub at the other. i see Top and bottom fitting between those, versatile some where in the middle. i don't see the spectrum as one dimensional, but multidimensional, which is to say: "infinitely complex." Consequently, i do not see D/s in black and white terms. i'm looking forward to reading perspectives on D/s and my question was intended to spark input about bottom/sub position/s in D/s relationship.

ErosWired started a great thread "Do Tops have a right to a bottoms' ass" and it made me think of this. The short and simple answer is: "of course." But it can be confusing as hell to a bottom (which may be the point for some). i was thinking of a Dom FB i had awhile back who never made me cum, but He worked me to a place where He called my hole a "pussy" and my penis a "clit." He went through a fairly complex process to get me to a place with Him where i went from finding it kind of distasteful and insulting to loving it and Him when He called it that. Dom magic lol. Something He did a few times during the process was to take lube (He liked Elbow grease, and that ended up becoming my favorite) and apply it to my penis. This is a FB i never saw, He always wanted me waiting blindfolded, and that really enhanced things. The few times He did it, He simply touched my penis softly with a hand full of lube without any warning. After He touched it, He said: "I'm going to butter your clit, but don't cum." He didn't squeeze or touch me hard, just really sort of a tease, more like He just wanted to apply a thick coat of Elbow Grease on me. That was pretty much it. He would kind of tease me saying: "I just want to remind you that you have a clit and that it's just a pretty part of your pussy. I don't want you to cum because of it, even though I know a pussy can get pleasure that way, I only want you to get pleasure from penetration." And that was it. i could feel the cold wetness of the Elbow Grease, He probably refrigerated it, and at first i'd get hard as a rock with anticipation and desire... but He never did anything but coat it and verbally tease me. The last few times He did it, I didn't get hard at all, and He told me He was proud of me... which embarrassed me and made me actually blush. So, what do you think Do you think a Dom has a right to fuck with a bottoms head using his penis?

"Safe sex" is a pretty outdated concept in 2019. The term was invented as a response to HIV. Now the 'safest' guys to fuck with when it comes to HIV are poz undetectable/suppressed or guys on PreP. There's actual evidence to back this up, it's not an idea. There is no evidence supporting guys who say they are "d&d free" etc., even know what they are talking about, or if they do, if they are telling the truth. For me it's a no brainer. If you are having sex that is not monogamous, "Safe" means being on PreP or meds if you are poz. i think it's fucking awesome, we (bare backers) won this one.

Wow, my first read of this one. One of the things i am grateful for is being different (gay) has taught me to question the status quo. my cultural background was full of strict rules about what should and should not be. Problem was, that included my sexual orientation. It took me a long time and a lot of examination and processing to realize that who i am is reality and what i was taught "should be" and "shouldn't be" didn't reflect reality. i think you've already been given some great input, so i'll add my ditto.

lol, i am sure you are right. i've likely been completely satisfied by more than a few "good actors." ditto re flipping. for me that would be like trying to drive the wrong way on a busy road.

This is so accurate for me, it runs to the core of who i am. i know this is contrary to the way a lot of guys identifying as subs are wired, but i am turned off by bullies. It's not fear, i am literally turned off. For me it screams weakness. Anyone who has to make me do anything does not affect me as Dom, but as too inadequate to find out how to manipulate my already willing and sub nature. Not saying this makes me 'right' and those who get into bullying or being bullied wrong, it's just not going to get a sub response with me. The Guy who has the knowledge and ability to get me to want to do what He wants borders on magical to me

If i possess any "pickiness" when it comes to sex, it's that i hate role play. If i am doing the contacting, i pretty much never contact a "versatile" and often steer clear of 'versatile top." One of the first questions i ask a guy who's profile has either of those designations is: "does it bother you that i am total bottom?" i know some guys are more fluid than others, so i'll never pass up a guy who wants/needs to breed, but if they are wanting cock, or to flip, i politely give them my love and wish them luck. i do not consider them bad or inferior, just not good chemistry. To me, compromising on who we are is what devolves into role-play. To me, it's not really sex if i am playing a role and if i detect my Top is roleplaying, it loses something. That's putting it gently, i have actually had to stop myself from laughing when i encounter a guy who is obviously not used to being a Top or is just trying to role play dominance. Some of my most meaningful and powerful encounters with Dom guys have been with Dom's who were not overt about who they are... i.e., they weren't hung up on "Sir" or descriptors, they just were. Honestly, there is nothing that brings the sub out of me more deeply than what i call a "subtle" or "affectionate" Dom. i know i use this Guy a lot as an example here, but that's just an indicator of how deeply He 'marked' me. He was about as opposite of "Nazi homophobic..." as one can get. He made me without really having to talk about it (i.e., i didn't have to tell Him: "i'm sub). He knew, and was confident enough to just presume on me. He has an 8" very thick cock, the kind i don't usually run to suck on because, well, it's so big it's harder to fit and put pressure in the right places and please, so just His size had me feeling inadequate from the start. He took a casual, relaxed position on my bed, sitting and leaning against my headboard, legs spread. He guided me to lie between His legs, facing Him. He let me start out sucking Him on my own, but soon He was directing me. He was soooo encouraging, but in an unrelenting way, like there was no question that He was going to get what He wanted. He kept 'encouraging' me to take His cock completely, saying things like "all the way" and "take it around the corner" . When i managed to get it in all the way, He'd insist that i look Him in the eyes, which was really awkward in that position. i was gaging and my eyes were tearing. When i would have Him all the way in my throat, He ask "do you like that?" while i was looking in HIs eyes. He knew i couldn't answer, but had an expectant look on His face that i would answer, so i'd try, but couldn't. When i'd get His cock in my throat, He would excitedly gush: "Good boy, i'm so proud of you." The combination of His words and what i was doing made me feel both proud and embarrassed at the same time, which was a total mind fuck for me. He got inside my head really deep and played me with ease. i only saw Him that once and have not seen Him for over two years, but i literally adore Him to this day. After He was done, He took me to dinner... we walked down the sidewalk and as we walked, He casually reached over while looking straight ahead and put His hand down the back of my jeans and ran His finger along my crack, then withdrew. i wanted to fold into Him then and there. There was no Nazi or overt bullying, but He took possession of me and knew it.

i have a friend on this site who as been married to a Dom guy for several years, we've written back and forth a lot and shared the most intimate details of our lives with each other. Sometimes when he has told me about his ongoing relationship i consider writing back that i am "jealous" or "envious" of what he has, but i always trip over those words if i write them, and usually edit them out because they just are not accurate. i love my faggot friend and am happy for what he has, i'd be sad if he lost it and words like "jealous" or "envious" convey a desire to possess that i do not feel. I.e., i would love to have what he has, but not at his expense. i see competition among bottoms all the time; here where some subtly (and some not so subtly lol) assert things about their self they hope will be perceived qualities from a Top, will make them unique, stand apart from the pack. At sex clubs and ABS, i've experienced bottoms who will identify other bottoms, then go down the booth hallway and close the booths on either side of the bottom in an attempt to steer guys away from them and, i guess, toward them. Competition between bottoms pisses me off and my response is to usually to leave or take myself out of the picture rather than make connecting with another guy a competition. But i'd also like to be completely honest and clarify that's not because i see myself as some sort of unworthy receptacle. i don't. "Receptacle" yes, "unworthy" no. i think we (Top and bottom) all have varying/different value and that our value is realized in relationship, not conferred by it. To me, competition is me trying to force realization of my value, which to me seems a violation of autonomy. idk, that may be weird, but i really think and feel that way. flacogedor wrote in an earlier post: "Tops (Alphas, not just any guy with a dick) have a right to bottoms' asses, but bottoms don't have a right toTops' cum." i think that just like there is a difference between being Top and Alpha, there is also a difference between being bottom and sub and that a sub is not just any guy with a hole. The spectrum view of who and how we are makes sense to me. I.e., at one end of the spectrum are "Alpha" at the the other end "sub," then Top and bottom fit somewhere after those, versatile is somewhere in the middle, etc.. i see our position on the spectrum as somewhat fluid versus static, and more individual than generic. i do not see Alpha as selfish and sub as not. To me it's selfish is one wants it and the other doesn't. If both want it, i don't see it as selfish but good chemistry. It may just be a difference in how i define terms like "selfish," and "love." i see an Alpha as Dominant, but i don't equate a desire/need to Dominate as selfish. i think it's just as possible for a sub to be selfish as it is for a Dom, it just gets expressed differently, it's more subtle, hidden, because it has to be to maintain the illusion that he's submitting. A sub may bend over and take a cock, or lick a Dom's feet, do His laundry, ad infinitum, but if he is not submitting inside, i think there's something missing. To me, the challenge, and thrill, of D/s relationship (connection) is finding those keys and knowing which holes they fit in (so to speak lol). i see "love" as recognizing and acknowledging the value of the other. A Dom finds His value in Dominating, a sub finds his value in submitting, but both are finding their value in that and each can acknowledge that value in the other without compromising who they are. Neither can exist without the other, so i think independence is an illusion. i see a lot of what is called D/s relationship that strikes me as role play, i.e., it's a "play," a show of sorts, where both parties are acting a part. i don't think that either party is (usually) missing the basic ingredients for a real D/s relationship, but they miss out on "real" because they are afraid to be honest and find their way. That's something i love about the relationship my friend i mentioned earlier has. It's real and has been a process for each of them coming into and developing what is natural in them. i think that is easier said than done. It's so much easier to assume a role than to develop and become.

bit of necrophylia too

Oh yeah, glad you brought this up, i think it is related too. i've had this done to me on several occasions too. You are right, it is not quite the same. For me, when i take a Tops finger in my mouth, it's an expression of my desire to have Him inside of me, to pleasure Him. When He does it, i definitely feel dominated and degraded would be a good word to describe the way i feel too, especially depending on the attitude behind it. my sub side is not automatic, it has a key: desire. i pretty much cannot help a submissive response when i perceive lust/desire in my Top. Detached meanness or bullying can elicit an opposite response from me, can shut me down. It's hard for me to articulate the distinction, it's a fine line. i think it has to do with connection. For me, sex with a Man is about connecting to Him on as many levels and as deeply can be. For me, domination takes skill and finese, it's not a clumsy, mindless act.

As a bottom, i love the idea of stealthing, it is a huge turn on. For me, it has nothing to do with chasing (to late for that anyway). For me there is something psychologically exciting and satisfying about a Top having His way with me without my complete knowledge. i think, as far as i can tell, for me it has to do with my complete giving of myself to my Top and His assumption that He has carte blanche, that He doesn't really need permission. my absolute favorite form of stealthing is when a Top pisses in me without asking. i guess i am so used to taking a Tops fluids that i often cannot tell by feel when He has cum or if He pisses, and am used to holding it all in, so i won't discover a Top has pissed in me until much later... and it gives me a HUGE thrill when i realize it.