tallslenderguy

i came from a religious background, so i didn't have sex with a guy till i was 27. Kinda funny story how it happened. i was in Long Beach CA helping to refurbish a missionary hospital ship that was in port. i was only there over night, worked Saturday, spent the night, then went home. i was married (to a woman). i had always liked guys, but resisted who i am because of my beliefs. They roomed me with this guy who was my age, Skip, a permanent member of the crew. We didn't work together that day, but he toured me through the ship at one point and had these really short shorts on that i could see up the pant leg when he was on a ladder in front of me. He was hot, and i'm pretty sure he was working me. He didn't get back to our room until a few hours after i had already bunked down. The berth was tiny, his bed was only about 5 fee from mine and it was dark, only a little light from the port hole, so all we could see was shadows. When he got in bed, we started this elaborate cat and mouse game of making subtle sounds. i was already undressed with only tight, thin bikini briefs on, and under a cover, pretending to be asleep. As he lay on his bunk, he slowly peeled off all his clothes, making sounds like he was hot and restless. i was staring hard into the dark shadows, trying to see his body and what he was doing, this went on for what seemed like hours. At one point, it looked like he was completely naked and stroking his cock, but it was hard to tell it was so dark, i was going by sound and what it looked like in the dark shadows. Finally, i couldn't stand it anymore and i got up and went to his bunk and he wordlessly guided me to his cock. i sucked him. i doubt i was very good at it, but i wasn't timid about it either, i was really turned on and had a lifetime of pent up desire that he got. He came pretty quickly, rolled over in his bunk, pretending to be asleep. i went back to my bunk and fell asleep. When i woke in the morning, he was gone and i had to drive home. i was in love lol (he was my first), and he pretended like nothing had happened. He was my first, but he didn't really "teach" me how to suck cock. For years after, i was pretty much self taught, but always enjoyed getting fucked more than sucking. It wasn't till more recently that i experienced a Dom who "taught" me how to suck His cock. He had about 8" and it was very thick. i spent hours sucking Him and being instructed the whole time. He was very vocal and naturally Dom (even though we hadn't discussed that, He was definitely Dom). He was sitting on my bed, leaning against the bedboard, legs spread. He had me lie face down between His legs to suck Him. He instructed me on what He wanted the whole time and mixed it with praise and encouragement. He wanted me to throat Him, and i'd never really had a cock that big in my throat. It was so big around that i couldn't breath, and of course i was gagging. He treated me like i was a little kid, His voice and attitude were like He was instructing a 10 year old. He would say: "okay, take it deeper, around that curve, that's it." and when i would do it, He would gush: "good boy!!" It would make me feel both embarrassed and proud at the same time. He never let up, talking all the time. He'd tell me to look up at Him when He had His cock in my throat, which was really an awkward position the way i was lying. He'd ask me questions while His cock was in my mouth and throat, fully expecting me to answer and all i could do was mumble. I was tearing and my nose was all wet and my face became covered in my own spit and snot. He continually asserted what a "Good boy" i was and would ask/tell me how proud He was of me and He'd tell me how much i liked what i was doing. By the time He was finished with me, i was a different person. i adored Him (and still do, even though i have never seen Him again). i am a different kind of cock sucker now, totally eager and 100% focused when i suck. Tops seem to notice, i get compliments and responses that i never got in the past. He is the one who taught me how to suck cock, that's how i learned.

Hi Sebp, i see this is your first post, so am guessing you are new to the site? If you hang for a while and read through the posts, you'll notice this is a pretty common fantasy here. You are definitely among friends and like minded guys, both Tops and bottoms here. "Breeding zone" lol. You might want to do a site search on stealth breeding. Have fun and welcome.

i had a FB who i got together with weekly for about a year and a half. He nnever talked about it directly (all the time indirectly), but i realized over time that He had a goal of modifying my hole... and He did. That was 9 years ago, and my hole has never been the same. It's more of a slit than a pucker and while i have the inner control of being able to squeeze a cock, my outer sphincter is permanently more open, accessible. When ever i have to go, i have to go. Again, i can control and hold it in because my inner ass muscles are developed from holding plugs in, but my opening gets a sense of urgency that is permanent. For me it's a daily reminder that i have more of a fuck hole than a hole for getting rid of waste, i like the feeling.

i think you can "...guide him...," and apparently are guiding Him 'successfully' (He "successfully" topped you). i'm not of a mind that 'bottoms should be seen and not heard' (not suggesting youre implying this), even though i'm sexually receptive. i'm with those who think/feel that He may have some sort of fear or concern about having sex with guys to overcome or get past? But i don't know, i'd ask Him. i suspect He's thought a great deal about it, thus the problem of ED. i was in the role of a top for most of my life (married to a woman 31 years). i practiced and got very good at giving my wife pleasure. Towards the last several years of our marriage, that would actually frustrate her. i'd give her all these multiple orgasms but she finally told me that she wished that i would "just take her without any regard to her pleasure." i doubt she would have been happy about that if that were our sex life exclusively, but it was something she missed and it was something i could not give her because... i'm gay lol. Which is kind of the crux of what i am getting at. i think the kind of Top or bottom many (most?) of us are talking about on this site is the kind that seems naturally inclined, who has a cock and is driven to put it inside someone. i agree with find91, that there's a "big difference being a top and a competent or good top," i.e., that just like with me, there is a learned or developed skill side to it. But i also think that the lust/desire/need to penetrate, inseminate is a big part of being a top and that it is not trained or acquired.

i think this is a good point. It seems there is no one 'right' technique, so the best cock suckers are not focused on their methods, but how the man they are sucking is responding. Not always easy, because not every guy gives feedback, so you have to rely on things like breathing and cock response. One of my favorite things to do is to start out concentraiting on the head getting the Top really turned on and sexually tense, then when He is almost feeling a sense of frustration by the tension without release, the overload, i'll suddenly go deep and take Him to the hilt so His head gets the friction sensation of my throat. Then ill alternate tension with pleasure depending on how He is reacting.

Cool question. First off, i haven't run into a lot of guys with foreskins, let alone "long" or overhanging. Am guessing there's more guys with foreskins in other countries, given the US practice of circumcision at birth. i've easily had in excess of a 1000 cocks, but prolly fewer than 5% have been uncut. i find it neither "disgusting" or "hot," maybe because for me i'm sucking off the guy via his cock, i.e., i am guy-centric, not cock-centric. i love men. Which is not to say i don't notice the awesome beauty of a part of His anatomy, i do, but it's not where my focus is when i am sucking. When i am sucking or being penetrated, i go for a soul connection as well as body. Having said that, the first thing i think (it's a brief and fleeting thought, but it's there) is cleanliness. i know some guys are into smells or funk, i'm not one of them. i've never turned down a cock, but i have to get past it if a cock is unclean. Guys with a foreskin have an extra place, and that's actually part of the argument used for circumcision (i.e., that it's easier to keep clean). i don't think that's a good reason for circumcision personally, soap and water are pretty accessible. i am scrupulously clean and i also appreciate guys who are. As to what i do? i run my tongue under it and around the tip of a guys cock. If it's long, i'll nibble and pull and tease. i also grab hold of His shaft at points while sucking and pull down on it to retract the foreskin for access to the tip of His cock. The guys i have been with who have them have usually gotten hard pretty quickly, so i haven't had much experience with over hang, but i could see myself trying to inflate it a bit, with either my breath or spit. i'd appreciate some education from guys with foreskins. What feels good to You and what do You like?

i know this isn't exactly what you were asking, but i love it when a Top just puts poppers under my nose with the expectation that i will inhale. i have never been stoned or drunk in my life, so poppers is one of the few things i have done. i'm not into rough sex, but love a connection that is affectionately presumptuous, where the Top just sort of assumes that i'll like it and is brave enough to give it a try without being bullying. If a Top tries something with me and i perceive desire on His part, i open right up and love Him, if i feel forced, i close up... which i know a lot of guys don't see as very sub. i've had Tops just slide a bottle under my nose and say things like: "here baby, take a hit" and i immediately fold into Him and inhale. it really enhances a feeling of oneness with Him for me.

i can relate to most of the responses here when it comes to how i feel when in heat and after. Cognitively, it seems a combination of physical and psychological/emotional for me. To me it's sort of like hunger, if i haven't eaten in awhile, my body starts signaling me trying to get me to eat, the hungrier i get the less discriminating. The difference is i like the feeling of being in heat (as long as there's hope of connecting), but don't love the feeling of being hungry (or maybe i do, as long as there's hope of a good meal?). When i was religious in a way that considered my sexuality as 'bad,' i hated myself in heat and fought it like a mad man, without any success. For me i felt like an addict going through withdrawal, connecting with a man sexually was my "fix," without Him i was crazed till i had Him.

my brother was 13 years older than me, he was a faggot before it was a popular sub culture. i was with him as he died of AID's in '84. he was 6'2" and weighed 89 pounds. He had beginning dementia, Kaposis sarcoma, pneumonia, and intestinal parasitic infections that gave him continuous diarrhea. At first, he refused to go to the hospital, to get treatment, then the last few months of his life he wanted to live. AZT was a new and experimental drug, it was all probably too late for him. his dying and death were not fun or exciting for him or anyone else, and he was a very kinky guy. i'm a critical care nurse, i take care of critically ill patients all the time. i have yet to meet a person who enjoys the realities of being sick and debilitated. Feeling rotten is just that, feeling rotten... and that comes with all the opportunistic illnesses that accompany untreated HIV. One can fantasize and romanticize about being POZ all they want, how many of you who are advocating in that way are in full blown AID's? i'm not talking HIV poz, but the eventual result of AIDs, two very different conditions. Are medications perfect and free of side effects? No. If one is worried about the effects that meds can have on their body, why aren't they worried about the effects that come with HIV (they're worse). PreP and HIV suppression are about containment and prevention. Think about it. If every gay guy who was HIV poz was on meds and suppressed, we wouldn't need PreP. Eventually, the infection rate would reverse and it would be harder to get. i suspect that there are very, very few who actually want to die a tortuous death from AID's or who want to inflict that on another. i'm sure they exist, just like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer, but i doubt there are many like that. Otherwise, i think the desire to be poz is ultimately an expression of self loathing, that it's homophobic. We're talking sickness and death here. There is no more final expression of self loathing than to kill your self. please don't do it.

Long term effects of HIV have been proven.

i've read similar stuff about the Brittish Navy during the 1800's. Either way, the peg chair was pretty innovative. i guess someone back then took a pole (so to speak) and determined that Tops liked they holes open vs tight.

surprised no one mentioned squirt, they have a bunch of cam chat rooms

i read it. It supports the contention that several are making about the blindness that often comes with privilege. If you look at the "compass," one of the points is "attack others," and more specifically: "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim." The OP is from a black person who identified and explained a racist term and further explained how it makes him feel and why it is offensive. Some responded by "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim," out of "shame."

i know, right? Sarah Palin and S a t a n are synonymous to some

Wow, thank you for sharing, i never would have guessed this. From the things you have written about yourself, i had thought of you as having a history of being a gay sex slave, i never would have imagined you being married with kids. As you say: "it's complicated." Life can have so many variations.

Out to close friends/family here. i don't have any stereotypical traits that incline people to label me as gay, so the only way people know is if i come out to them. The first time i came out was when i was 19 and still very religious and unaccepting of myself. At that point i thought gay was sick and sinful, so i "confessed" my attraction to guys in front of my church. i thought the reason i could not "overcome" my desires or "get free" was because i was too proud to admit my 'problem.' One of the people who was there when i "confessed" was my future wife to be. It was still the 70's and coming out was still a big deal in those days. No one at my church, including myself, really knew what it meant to be gay, so that coming out was an admission , not a declaration. There have been various times over the years where i told people, but for the most part, i lived on the DL till 2006. At that point, i came out to my kids and anyone who was around me. Kids and former wife are still religious and disowned me, excommunicated, etc.. These days i just tell people when the topic comes up or to women who seem interested in me and wonder why i don't hit on them lol.

Being "in heat" is how i have long described my state of desire, makes total sense to me as a bottom that other bottoms would relate as well. As a little kid growing up in LA, before i was sexually active, i remember seeing a large number of male dogs around a house (maybe 15 to 20). i was informed that there was a bitch in heat inside the house. The owner came outside in an attempt to chase them away and in the process, the bitch go lose and came outside. What transpired was the first group fuck i ever witnessed. Two dogs would get knotted, but that didn't keep the others from waiting their turn. Even at that age, before i really fully knew i was a gay bottom, i remember being envious of the bitch.

i was likely depressed most of my life when religious and married (to a woman). i could not resist hook up sex and cheating. i realized later that getting fucked was my only form of sexual affirmation. Once i processed through all my cultural bias and accepted who i am, the obsessive, uncontrollable need to get fucked just simply stopped. Getting fucked is an awesome form of self expression for me now, but i don't need it to medicate anymore, i haven't known depression since i accepted myself. But when i was trapped in my prison of wrong belief, it was absolutely medication for depression.

i get that. Hormones are powerful stuff. The drive for sex, connecting in that way, goes beyond reason. Once the tension/drive is relieved, our reason can kick back in and give us a wtf moment. i've noticed that reason rarely wins against hormones lol.

my thoughts went the same direction as Eros, i.e., you didn't really want him to have his way with you, you wanted him to dominate you, no questions asked. What he wanted was to ask you what you want because he wants to please you. For me, that's pretty damned close to awesome, as long as the guy is a total top. i hate it when that happens and the guy is really versatile and hoping/fishing for a flip. For me, a big part of sex is mental, i like the Total Top/ total bottom dynamic. you sound like your into D/s, but like you lean more towards Top/bottom dynamic? For instance, would you have liked it if He had demanded in a dominant way that you fuck him? That would have been him using you for his pleasure, but i suspect that's not what you'd want?

lol... i've wondered something similar on hook up sites with flakes. I.e., those flakes are really guys from the religious right trying to frustrate and disappoint gay guys. But then, i 'm pretty sure that's mostly paranoia on my part lmao. Having come from a background where i was subjected to "reparative therapy," i wouldn't put anything past the religious right, but i think few of them would think of doing it. Not nobility, just ignorance on their part.

i love a Top who enjoys eating my pussy, but not for the purpose of removing loads. For me, cum is for breeding. Even when i take a cock in my mouth, when a Top starts to cum, i take His cock into my throat and take His cum deep. Heck, i never like to lose cum once it's inside of me, i try to hold and absorb it. For me, the idea that there is a part of the Top that becomes part of me is a HUGE deal, so i have no desire to remove Him once He is inside of me, even if it's a transfer from one end to the other, it's missing the orgasm that put it there in the first place.

enjoy, but not for me. i get horribly disappointed by any cum that doesn't make it inside. Whether it's my bottom or another, i hate porn where the top cums on instead of in the bottom.

Acting violates something in me and i'd rather go without than pretend. A large part of my pursuit of sex with another guy is looking for chemistry where we compliment each others needs/desires. i am looking for a real connection, for both of us, so i often try to communicate with a guy online to determine compatability before hooking. Other times, if a guy just contacts me as says he wants to fuck me, i won't dig too deep. To me acting feels like lying and that i am being disrespectful. i'm not making a moral judgement, i know these are just my personal feelings. i know there are guys on both sides who want their partner to 'act' a certain way, that there guys into role play as well (a form of acting?). It just triggers something in me, comes to close to manipulation, a subtle form of control to me, i don't like it.

First of all, i love you. Secondly, what the fuck qualifies a cumdump as "true?" lol i appreciate the sweet and vulnerable subness in you that would pose such a question, but i personally don't think we are defined by others. i know a lot of guys, especially in a "D/s" context feel otherwise, so i qualify "personally." i believe we reflect each other in relationship, not dictate or manipulate who the other one is. i guess i should also qualify that i think manipulation is unscrupulous but really love the "molding" aspect of a D/s relationship. It's complicated lol. Bottoms, cumdumps, have likely existed since the beginning of time. I.e., way before HIV came along and also before any oportunistic pathogen of any sort took a ride on someones cock or in their semen, etc., to become the first "STD." my point is, cum and disease are two different things. Chasers might more accurately be termed HIVdumps if they are more preoccupied with HIV than cum? Again, i do not mean or say that with a disparaging attitude. i don't agree with the notion of chasing, but a part of me gets it (i think). For me, it's not just cum i need or want when i have sex with a guy. It runs a whole lot deeper than that for me, and i don't pretend to understand my feelings completely. i love the sigh a man puts in me when he orgasms, the desire/lust, the pleasure. i love having a physical part of Him left inside of me, and the intent of Him leaving it inside of me. i'll take more than His cum (physically), like His piss for instance. Again, the idea of having something His body has made and held put into mine is a big part of the connection for me, so in that respect, i sort of get those who chase. For lack of a better analogy, taking PreP is sort of like taking birth control? i.e., i want everything that pertains to intercourse with a guy except the possibility of a 'baby' (i.e., disease). (i know, a baby is not a disease). i may regret that analogy because i know a lot of guys associate being pozzed with being "knocked up." sigh