tallslenderguy

I didn't know what else to call this thread, so "hole modification" it is. I had a fb for awhile before i moved who got together with me for once a week for about a year and a half. i loved him, and he me, so it was obviously good chemistry, but not in any traditional sense. He approached me from CL telling me He liked to give massage, and I went for it. What i came to realize over time was "massage", for him, was a method He used to mold and control (on a subtle level). The whole time we got together, i never saw Him, because He always wanted me waiting for Him face down and naked, usually blindfolded. I realized later, that was just a way He used to enhance other senses. He also talked a lot in a low voice the whole time He was doing His thing, i came to believe that He was using hypnotic technique. i think His greatest pleasure as a Top was molding His bottom, leaving His signature on him (so to speak). For me as a bottom, that is the most important distinction of the Top/bottom dynamic. Most of us here, Tops and bottoms, are wild about the idea of breeding and being bred, one aspect that's discussed a lot is the notion of a Top implanting His DNA in a bottom. For me, it is the overall desire of a Top to make me His by using my hole that fills me with lust for Him. There has been discussion on this site about FF doing permanent 'damage,' but i think every Top who has taken me has in some way molded or left His mark on my hole, has modified it. Some more than others. The Top i referenced above probably had the most affect, but then, He was very purposeful about doing so and said so early on in our relationship. By a month into our relationship His "massages" had become more ass focused, and His constant talk was more focused as well. He was the first guy to ever refer to my hole as a "pussy," but He was very tentative about introducing the word until He got me used to it. I think He not only liked the idea of changing how my hole looked, but also changing how i perceived into how He wanted me to perceive it. "Hole modification" took on a different meaning. After time, the message that He was making my hole into His pussy was a routine message. It's been a few years since we were together, but that Top "modified" my hole, and my perception of it was part of that modification. My hole has never looked the same since Him, it just doesn't. It's more of a slit than a pucker. Also, my perception of it is changed. I don't call it a "pussy" on my own as a rule, but that word definitely triggers something in me now when a Top uses it with me.

Okay. For me being called "faggot" doesn't have a negative connotation. Of course, a lot depends on the person saying it, but most of the Tops who use it with me are using it while fucking me or as part of the dance to get their cock in my pussy, so there is always desire associated with it. as a kid growing up, the term was associated with rejection, but even then i think a lot of that had to do with inexperience on both sides. i think there are a lot of guys who used that term derisively as kids who probably fuck faggots on a regular basis now because they love and want faggot pussy. breeding is not an expression of rejection, it's kind of the ultimate form of marking or possessing, putting a part on their self in the faggot and leaving a part of their self in the faggot is a pretty strong association with that faggot.

actually, some of us faggots experience something very similar. if our penis is ignored and not touched each fuck gets us hornier too, as does an analgasm.

i commented earlier in this thread too, but love the topic. i have only ever had one black Top that i didn't adore, and that was when we were both younger and i attribute that to inexperience on both our parts. The Black Tops i have been with have usually been Dom in a way that is different. It's hard for me to describe, but it always seems more natural, not contrived or put on, that fucking a white pussy is the natural order of things and they do it with full intent and focus. i have almost always felt keenly owned when being Topped by a black guy. i have never felt bullied or forced, rather i it's like they have a way about them that unlocks submission in me and i end up feeling sort of absorbed into them.

this is always my favorite set up, a regular fb, for all the reasons you list and more. i have found i often develop affection for these guys and have to bite my tongue from saying: "i love you" while getting fucked lol. i sometimes wonder if this type of set up is more suited to guys and that we are often copying heteronormative standards when we try to do monogamy? i can see where monogamy might be more suited to a womans security, so it is a compromise guys make in a hetero relationship, but two guys do not need the same things as a woman and man? To me, "fb" can be a guys version of commitment, a regular, dependable relationship without having to live together. I go a step further and have had several anonymous fb's, guys who fuck me on a regular basis but we have never seen each others face. We write back and forth online, and sometimes even talk, but i am always face down and never see them. i end up feeling a real loss when someone moves or just stops.

i have one i find kinda weird, guys who do awkward things to me with affection and are obviously turned on by it. It's the combination. a guy wanting to give me an enema, make me wear a diaper to mess myself, fucking the piss out of me... all stuff that normally i'd be embarrassed about, but seeing His excitement combined with an affectionate demeanor has a powerful effect on me. Rare too. Usually find stuff like that in S/m or D/s but the affection is often missing, usually force or bullying... but degradation with affection is a weird mix for me.

Bricklad and barecubtop, I am sorry either of you were made to feel ashamed, it's unprofessional and unconscionable for a caregiver to moralize and potentially discourage someone from getting treatment. These people are clueless about the real world if they do not understand it's the people who are not coming in for treatment that perpetuate STD's not the ones who do regularly. It's not as if many of the people who don't get checked out are not having sex. The only risk free sex is no sex. Good luck with that one. barecubtop, sounds like you have gonorrhea, but some guys get symptoms (discharge) with chlamydia as well, so it's important to differentiate. Gonorrhea is treated with two antibiotics, ceftriaxone is a shot and it is taken with 1000mg of azithromycin. The treatment used to be 2000mg of azithromycin alone, but then the resistant strain necessitated a one/two punch vs just one punch (so to speak), i.e., hitting the pathogen in two different places. Chlamydia is treated with 1000mg of azithromycin, so you can see if they didn't get a clear diagnosis and treated you presumptively for chlamydia, they would be risking helping a possible gonorrhea infection become resistant against azithromycin by not hitting the pathogen hard enough to eradicate it.

Ditto this (i'm a critical care nurse). Taking the wrong antibiotic or wrong dosing can cause/allow a pathogen to develop resistance. The big three out there are syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia. (but there's more, like herpes, HPV, hepatitis, etc). The first two pretty much require injections to clear them. As bbaremich said: "antibiotic resistance is a very real and dangerous thing." Right now there's a resistant strain of gonorrhea, so you likely got a shot of Ceftriaxone and took an oral dose of Azithromycin. Doxycycline can be substituted for the Azithromycin (but you have to take it for 7 days vs one dose of Azithromycin). The thing about gonorrhea is you do not know if you have the resistant strain or not, so you have to treat all cases as if they are. I got syphillis a few years back and took the alternative dosing of doxycycline. When I went for a recheck, I found out it hadn't treated the infection adequately and ended up having to get 2 shots every week for three weeks to clear it. I applaud you for getting checked and treated. If the place you are going has people there who are shaming you, find a different clinic. Most cities have multiple locations, but you can do a google search of "gay friendly clinics" in your area. You can also get tested using an online service, it's very simple, you don't even see a doctor, you just go to a lab where they take blood or urine (or both) and then if the results are poz, you get contacted by a doc who gives you a prescription... and that's all they do so it's pretty straight forward.

I have several butt plugs. Gee, I have an entire toy drawer, but i rarely use them on myself. i got all the plugs when a Top guy showed an interest in training my hole. He liked the idea of telling me which ones to put in and how long to wear them. For me, i associate plugs, and toys in general, with the handler. For some guys toys are like an extension of them, like a paint brush in an artists hand, or a sculptor. i just don't get much out of 'painting' or 'sculpting' myself.

Good discussion! We cannot help aging, but that is something we don't seem to grasp until we're older. It's a fallacy that getting feeble is a natural part of aging. I work in healthcare (critical care) and easily 85% of my patients have disease processes related to diet (mostly) and inactivity. As a younger guy, age didn't matter so much to me as how a guy looked. As I got older all that mattered when it came to sex was whether or not his cock functioned. I suppose there is probably an evolutionary element involved? That get's into the question of whether or not gay is a variant on straight or whether we are our own thing. The notion about straights is we choose our mate for survival, i.e., the healthiest, strongest, mate that can ensure survival of offspring. Course, that's not a factor with two guys, but if gay is a variant on straight, we may still have some straight instincts. The other thing is ageism is also a cultural/social phenomena. There are cultures where age is revered instead of disdained. I get hit on by Filipino guys that are half my age fairly frequently from online. When out and cruising,I don't run into age issues to often as I'm in pretty good shape and don't look my age, but online is different, you are so right about that magic number of 45. Online encourages identifying a number for interest by having search functions that ask for age range as a factor of choice, or have us declare our age upfront. That isn't done in face to face experience. We don't wear a card around our neck out in public with the number of our age emblazoned on it.

Great topic. My feel is there is no one reason why guys flake, but probably a combination? Idk. It seems a malady of online hook-up though. Online has introduced a different dynamic in relationship where it's possible to be intimate and distant simultaneously. We share pics and information about sex about our selves with the vast ether between us. The mating ritual is complex and online has changed up an age old process. I think one of the things we forget, or never really understood in the first place?, is how much of sex is in the mind. I don't think it's just guys using conversation with the intent of jacking off and never hooking, but maybe start out wanting to hook and somewhere along the line in the exchange the mental need/desire is fulfilled, dampening the physical? I think this is more likely to happen the longer the exchange goes. Also, the longer the exchange goes, the more risk there is that the guy will see something he doesn't like. I think it can be a tricky dance. I think it's easier to commodify a bottom or top when it's not in person, like shopping for a car. May like everything and be close to pushing the buy button, only to discover a scratch. Another thing I think is part of the delicate dance is when desire and need get crossed. Maintaining the energy of desire is one thing, coming across as needy is a whole other thing. Top or bottom, I think one of the emotional components of sex is a fulfilled conquest. I.e., both parties want to be wanted, we have that in common. I think sometimes bottoms can come off ass needy and tops can come off as inconsiderate users (i know, many bottoms love the idea of being used, so the "inconsiderate" part is often flaking).

I see your point that "anonymous/NSA" sex is different from marriage. I like men though, and there is always the potential that I'd meet someone and more that sex could develop into relationship. You're right, there is the STD thing too. I gave her STD's a couple of times. She perceived it as cheating too. Then there's all the lying to cover tracks. I'm really glad to be free of it all now. I hated always lying and hiding.

I've written this elsewhere, but it fits here too. I was driving down a busy street in my truck one day and a guy pulled up on my left side. He looked at me and i looked at him, our eyes met and he pulled ahead and into my lane in front of me. I followed him into a Burger King parking lot. He got out without looking back and went in, i followed. He went in to the BK restroom and I followed. When i walked into the rest room, he locked the door behind me, undid my pants and pulled them down around my knees, turned me around. He undid his pants enough to expose himself, spit on his cock (i think, can't remember how he 'lubed') and slid in and bred me. After he came, he zipped up and left without a word. This is not a fantasy, nor is any of it made up, it was in the late 90's. That's the most bold experience i have ever had, but cruising used to involve little more than a look, the rest was action. Usually involved some subtle signals like a guy would touch his cock, i'd often find a way to turn and touch my ass ... all in plain daylight. It never took much when both are into guy on guy sex. There was also a time when wearing a handkerchief in your back pocket would be a signal. Different colors or back pockets delineated different stuff. I never got into that, didn't really see the need. As to being married and fucking around: it is apparently on your mind, otherwise you wouldn't mention it. No judgement here, but I will share some of my own experience. i was married and cheated with guys for 23 years. I don't think there is anything wrong with being married and having sex with guys in an open relationship, but mine was not open and i was continually lying and cheating. I had happiness in my marriage also, but i also had continual guilt and shame over lying, deceiving and cheating on the person i loved. She eventually found out and it crushed her. I was religious and all the years we were married, and felt trapped by my beliefs. I thought i could change from being attracted to, or having sex with men. i couldn't and finally accepted that and communicated that to her. She was (is) religious too and considers my attraction to guys as me being "broken." I could no longer live a life of thinking of myself as "broken" (part of the religious thing) of hiding and lying and decided I needed to accept reality and learn how to live with it. I joke now that being gay saved me from God (really, it saved me from my and other peoples ideas of "God"). She didn't want to be married to me as I am, and I finally admitted I could not change, so we parted. I do miss her, this is a person I loved and love, but I don't miss the lies or cheating. I do not miss being in a relationship where I was essentially rejected because of who and how I am, and in a way, forced into hiding. I was miserable lying and cheating. I didn't consider my relationship with her to be whole while I was in hiding. That's just my story, I know, but I've met a lot of guys with similar stories. Today is my anniversary and I am sitting at home, alone, writing this on BZ. My kids (also religious) disowned me, I lost everything (materially). Life isn't neat and clean. But life or the universe (or whatever the hell "it" is) has taken care of me. I have a whole different life now. I am truly happy and at peace living honestly and real. I have people in my life who know, accept and love me for who I am. I never feel guilt or shame about the guys I fuck with. Life's good.

I've never had an ltr with a man. I have lots of experience with ltr, just with a woman (married 31 years, i was religious...long story). I've been divorced since 08, dated a lot when I first split with my wife. Had some experiences that were pretty comical, all the usual stuff of guys misrepresenting themselves, me driving a 100 miles for a date only to find out the guy had pics that didn't represent him. I'd pretty much laugh it off, usually ended up paying for the meal and then never seeing them again. One guy proposed to me sight unseen a week after 'meeting' and talking on the phone. He was super romantic, but also misrepresented himself and then to cover told me he'd found someone who needed him more than me. I replied that I never said I "needed" him and that I didn't think "need" a good basis for relationship. He contacted me 4 weeks later and tried to renew things and i found out that the "someone" who needed him was a cat that had gotten hit by a car. LMAO, you can't make this stuff up. I've also dated some really fantastic people, but we just weren't a match. I dated a lesbian who was a visiting PhD from Germany who mentioned she'd probably be killed if some of her friends in Germany knew she was dating a man (turns out she was a leader in the lesbian community in Germany). She wanted sex, I didn't, but I enjoyed my time with her. Also dated a FtM trans person who was also in a poly relationship with a woman (13 years). I've had a short but really intense online relationship with a Dom guy. All that to say I don't regret a moment of it, life is pretty damned fun, fascinating and exciting i think. I'm pretty forgiving of peoples foibles. Having been a married to a woman gay guy for much of my life helped give me perspective i guess. I have come to believe that friendship is highly under rated and under used. I am not convinced that the heteronormative relationship model is ideal for anyone (straights included). For instance, i think the notion that one person can be everything for each other is ludicrous (not saying you are suggesting that). I'm not talking monogamy either, i'm thinking emotional and intellectual needs. I think we are much more likely to meet one another wants/needs in pieces. I.e., we get some stuff in one friendship, other stuff in other relationships, and it all adds up. I think gay guys are in a good position to be experimental and non conforming when it comes to relationship, but we often just try to copy the status quo. There are times when I wish i had someone to just fall asleep with and wake up with, but there are other times when i relish my privacy. I'd love to be in love, but i know to much to try and force it. I have fallen for several guys, and several have fallen for me, but it hasn't been mutual yet. But again, no regrets. One guy came close this year, but then he found out that I was 10 years older than him and poz, so decided he didn't want that... kinda funny since he was obviously attracted (don't look my age). But i know i have no control over another persons thoughts or feelings, and have no desire to sway them. I've had most of my success in meeting possible guys on OKCupid. It's a dating site. I consider most (read: "all") of the gay sites as hook up sites, so i don't have any expectation of relationship from them (though stranger things have happened). Online complicates stuff. I find i do meet people but they are so often far away. Im rambling. ill stop.

Hi KptNLine, great topic. 1. I learned about chastity online, porn. But I really learned about it from different Doms who want if for their sub, or from awesome subs like you who have experienced being locked. 2. My attraction to it is the extremity of submission to a Top or Dom. In my mind, the stronger the opposites, the more powerful the experience of attraction, so for me chastity represents an opportunity to experience the benefits/attraction of two opposite forces. 3. I haven't actually had what i would consider a sexual experience in chastity. i've locked myself, and even had a long distance relationship with a Dom who had me measured for a cage, but have not been in a relationship where i have experienced sex while in chastity that i was locked into by another. 4. i have some pics of my in a cage, the reactions have been mixed, a few indifferent. 5. i am currently unlocked. For me, self-locked is unsatisfying (to say the least). For me it is an expression of relationship and requires two people. I have a whole drawer full of toys that i almost never use because it feels to much like i am topping myself to use them. Same with chastity, it's only 'real' for me if there is another involved locking me in. For me, the actual cage is symbolic or representative of something much deeper. 6. any goal i would have with chastity would be related to the goals of the Man locking me in. i don't currently have that kind of Man in my life, so no goals.

I haven't read all the responses to this yet, but i doubt you'll find many, if any, dissenters on this site lol. I couldn't possibly agree more as a bottom. For me there is something almost spiritual about having not just your cum inside of me, but your orgasm, your pleasure. It makes me crazy to even see guys pulling out in porn, or wearing a condom. If i see a condom on a guy in porn, i turn it off. If i sit through watching a top fucking only to see him pull out to shoot last minute, i actually get angry and start talking to the screen berating him for pulling out, then i feel disappointed for the bottom. For me, Top/bottom, Dom/sub are yin and yang, the attraction of opposites, pulling out is like a crime against nature.

for me, the best fuck is from a Top who's head is into it (not that i ever mind a blow and go). I love a Top who is really into bottoms and hole and particularly marking His territory. For some Tops, opening a hole is about leaving His signature on the bottom, and I fucking love that. My favorite Top is one who loves bottoms, not just himself. I can tell because He becomes one with the hole He is penetrating. Whether He uses Hic cock, hand or a toy, all are an extension of who He is and how He leaves my hole is part of His fuck.

awesome SlimTop, this definitely takes sex to a whole different level. one tip i can give that really turns me into a bitch in heat is when i can tell my Top is fucking intentionally. I know that may sound odd, but i can tell when my Top is fucking just for him to get off and when he is fucking because he wants to make me cum. There's a power thing that happens and he is now going past my pussy and into my head, fucking there. engage my head that way and you're gonna get an orgasm.

oh yeah, happened to me only a few times, but the best orgasms of my life without a doubt. The first time was with a guy who knew what he was doing, but I didn't have a clue. I was younger and he was purposefully working my hole and prostate with his fingers. It was the first time anyone every tried to get their hand in me. At the time, i had no idea such things were even done and i would never have consciously allowed it, but he was good and was slowly opening me up. I was on my stomach and when he went for 4 fingers, i literally rose up and turned around and said: "what are you doing?" He withdrew his 4 fingers and calmed me and instead slid his cock in. It only took him a few strokes and suddenly i erupted with the biggest orgasm of my life. It shocked the hell out of me, like the first time i ever came as a kid, but damn did i love it. It was years later that i realized that was his intent. Another time happened without any real work on the tops part at all. I was in a restroom and a guy slid in under a stall wall, but he must have hit me just right because i shot really hard almost as soon as he slid in. if it were up to me id always and only cum from getting fucked, it's and awesome mind fuck for me and i love the thought of a Top having the power to make me cum as a bottom.

(_o_)

Oh hell yes! Once i discovered mind fuck, everything else was just mutual masturbation. Connecting bodies is hot, connecting mind and body is heaven. There's so much inaccurate connotation associated with D/s (i think), for me, it is attraction of opposites. i had a very experienced Dom tell me that i am one of the most sub guys He has ever met, which surprised me because i am not that experienced. i think a lot of self professed Dom guys would disagree with Him because they equate sub with "easy." For me it is not easy at all, but magical when the chemistry is there and it happens.

i think this is such a great point. Despite how we may sometimes feel, bottoms like they are "just a hole for breeding" or Tops who are 'a cock for breeding,' the truth is there is so much more to all of us. Even though we may think we have reduced our need/want to a thing, there's usually a lot more to it. Though it may be counter intuitive (or more likely, counter stereotype), i have been fucked by guys with big cocks who were really lousy at what they were doing, and i have been fucked by guys with tiny (and i do me "tiny") cocks who turned into fb's because the experience was awesome for both of us. If the rationale behind wanting a huge cock is how it feels, the reverse is true as well (i.e., the bottoms whole is so open that the Top needs to have a huge cock to feel it). For me it is not the size of a Tops cock that matters, it's the size of His orgasm (and i am not referring to load size). For me the best sex is a dance of yin/yang where each is responding to and fueled by the other. For me, the bigger a Tops pleasure, the bigger my pleasure.

I thought of something else. I avoid the temptation to vent in a profile in an effort to weed out flakes or just complain about them. I wonder about the guys who do that, whose profiles have teeth in them, just what kind of response they get? I personally won't even approach a guy if he has an obviously angry profile. I appreciate the guys who put hard qualifiers in, like "no one over the age of...." To me, that just saves time... though i have been hit on by guys like that on more than a few occasions, them breaking their own list of musts. Generally though, I avoid guys whose profile reads like a hugh shopping list thinking that is a flake waiting to happen.

This is a great discussion, and I can ditto so much of what others have written. Mostly i think it's closeted guys, married or just not secure enough in who they are to act on it yet. I suppose there are a few who simply get off on the fantasy, but my feel is most guys would tire of that and want the real thing eventually, so maybe it's a stage? Like some have alluded to, cruising at an ABS or restroom or place where guys are already present vs online is one way to get around this. Over time, i've even had some regular flakes from places like CL, guys who forget they have flaked on you and go right into their modus operandi. I come from a religious background and there are times when i get flaked on when i am paranoid enough to think that the guy flaking is maybe a religious nut trying to frustrate gays lol. The worst flakes are the ones that go right up to the point of getting your address, but then never show. It's as if their whole goal is just to get your address. One of the things I have taken to doing is telling a hookup the cross streets where i live and then tell them to text me when they get there and i will give them the actual house address, explaining i do it because of flakes. I've never had a real hook up turn me down, but pretty sure I've weeded out a few flakes that way.

Re restroom, that's pretty easy too. The standard initiation is tapping your foot and the guy next to you taps in response. Some guys like to slide over and touch feet if they are unsure, others don't. Guys boldness runs the gamut in my experience. i have experienced where a guy will just slide his cock under without any preamble. Just like the booths, have your ass lubed and ready. i used to slide off the toilet and have my ass more reachable between the stall wall and toilet. Guys will reach under and feel you up, so if your ass is lubed, they'll get the message and if they wanna fuck will often slide their legs and cock under and you sit on it. I've gotten a lotta loads that way. Sometimes you have to initiate by reaching under and feeling them up, going for their cock to show what you want. I've even passed notes, but if you do be careful. ABS buddy booths are safe for sex, restrooms are sometimes patrolled by undercover cops. If you pass notes, that can be used as evidence against you.