tallslenderguy

Thank you for weighing in. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, i don't think the 'hatred' is conscious, that its strength and passion depends on its being buried deep as a motivator. i spent years going through so called "reparative therapy" which is supposed to de-gay a person. The religious culture i was a part of called it "love." There was even a de-gaying organization called "Love in Action." This is a very prevalent attitude in some religious circles, they term it: "love the sin, hate the sinner." It sets up cognitive dissonance in the gay person because, on the one hand, they have the reality of being attracted to the same sex and on the other hand are being told that is "sick" and "sinful." It took me a long time to process through that notion. i see the desire to catch or give a disease as similar, that those who feel that way have internalized the message that their desire to be with another man is bad and must be destroyed.

i don't think chasing or the desire to be poz is a kink, i think it is self hate. Attitudes towards gays have changed a lot in my life time, but there is still half the culture in this country who voted for a guy who's running mate is openly anti gay. If he had the choice, make no mistake, he'd legislate against us. As recent as 1998, i was arrested for asking an undercover "Vice" cop if he wanted to fuck me. i was living in VA and they still had cops who would frequent cruising areas, pretend to be gay and try and entrap gays. i was charged with a felony under a 100 year old "sodomy" law that made the expression of my sexuality illegal. The judge threw it out, the prosecuting attorney was livid. He worked for then attorney general Bob McDonell who was virulently anti gay and later became governor of Virginia. Imagine being gay and growing up as Bob McDonell's kid? That's the way it is for many gay guys, even in 2019. i grew up in a religious culture and literally hated my gay self, trying everything i could to kill that part of me, for 40 years. Wanting a deadly disease is self destructive and ultimately can be a form of suicide. i think the desire to be poz, chasing, and the desire to infect others is internalized hate of gays and being gay.

i don't feel like having sex when i have the flu, how much more would i feel that way with AID's?

my experience is the same as pozlover1, i.e., i don't need a plug to retain a load. i love the idea of a Top plugging me, but in reality, it's harder for me to keep a load if i am plugged than if i am not. i can usually hold loads for hours, overnight or until i have to go... by then, it's usually absorbed. i've even held piss overnight. There are stretch receptors in the rectum that stimulate expulsion (called the "defecation reflex"), putting a plug in can stimulate those receptors. The reflex causes involuntary relaxation of the internal anal sphincter. There is a delay mechanism that can be triggered, but that works by contracting the external anal sphincter and results in moving rectal contents back in towards the colon a bit to take pressure of the rectal sensors, that can't be done with a plug because is held in place and it is restricted from going in further.

yeah, i get that. i was super religious and it took me forever to get to a place of self acceptance. Meanwhile, i cheated and lied a lot. For me, sex with men became my only form of affirmation. i would crave it and couldn't resist, then immediately after (within seconds) i'd feel ashamed and rotten... then i'd do it again, often daily. And i did give her a couple of STI's and she believed me when i lied again. I learned early on to never get my cock sucked so i wouldn't give her chlamydia or gonnorhea. At one point, she got sick with CMA and i convinced myself i'd given her HIV, so i told her what i had been doing and it all came crashing down. Was awful, it really hurt her. i think it's better to be open now vs later. i don't think there is anything wrong with you and i think that's what traps us in situations where we feel like we have to lie. What's wrong is feeling you have to lie about who you are for fear of rejection or judgement.

No, i never have, on either side. i have about 7" and it's fairly girthy, not enormous, but never been laughed at for it even though i have a sub streak that loves when a Top ignores my cock or minimizes it, but that has nothing to do with size really, but function (inner). i have never laughed at or even had to stifle a laugh at another guys cock. i love men and it's just not in me to laugh at them. If i have any kind of disdain, it's usually for the guy who is so insecure that he laughs at others based on something as base as cock size (i mean truly laughs, not as part of a D/s scene where He is really being thoughtful). i used to cruise at this one park where there was a tall guy with orange hair. He was super shy, but obviously looking. i think he was shy because he had probably the smallest cock i have ever seen, it was short and thin, really was pinky sized. i pursued him on several occasions and finally got him to fuck me. He had a really hard time believing i wanted him to fuck me he was so self conscious about his size. The first couple of times i approached him, he came right out and told me that i wouldn't really want him and that he couldn't fuck because he had a small cock. But i persisted and finally he relented. He was doing fine, but he just couldn't believe it himself and stopped and left. Made me sad, i really liked him and wished he could have accepted the fact of someone really wanting him.

i see a conflict between "...can't stop thinking about cock" and "....just occasionally satisfy my desires." i was married (to a woman) and was having sex with guys for years. For me, i was from a religious background where being gay was considered a sickness and "sin." Took me awhile to work through all of that and come to a place of self acceptance. Meanwhile, i lied and cheated to fill that need. i hated myself because of that. my wife knew about my attraction to guys before we married, but it was a different era and she just thought i was 'confused.' i thought i could get over it. Neither was true. Personally, i cannot recommend a life of lying and cheating. i use those words without any rancor, that's simply what it is. It took a toll on me and those i love. i know people in open marriages, lots of bi people do that, others want monogamy. my wife stayed religious and to this day thinks i'm sick (divorced since 2008), so staying with her wouldn't have worked for me, but i would have if she had been accepting of who i am. Marriage is a significant relationship, if you keep this part of you secret, you will end up feeling alone and unknown in the most significant relationship you have. Didn't work for me.

He already has taken cock (i went to his profile page and checked out his other posts). @Spokaneboy: Human sexuality is complicated, eh? The spectrum theory on human sexuality makes the most sense to me. I.e., way overly simply put, gay is at one end of the spectrum, straight at the other and we all fall somewhere on that 'line.' Based on what you have written here and on your other posts, you obviously aren't strictly straight. Reading the things you've written about what you want/need, it doesn't look like it's just physical either. If you were just looking for the physical sensation of having something up your ass, a dildo would do. There's lots of straight guys who like anal sex with their wive's or girl friends and never desire it with a guy because they're straight. As to your question "is there something wrong with me...?" idk if you are really asking or if this is a fantasy question of some sort? It seems to me that you are bi, at the very least and that you need to figure out how to live with who you are. It reads like you may be feeling conflicted about being bi? If part of your make up is to be sexually attracted to men, the evidence has pretty shown that that is not going to go away, so the next step would be to figure out how to live as a bi man. Therapy might help.

i call it "beautiful"

There's been talk here about holes, openness, tightness, pucker, slit, etc.. Thought i'd start a "show us your hole" thread. mine used to be a pucker, but i had a FB who, unbeknownst to me, made it His goal to modify my hole from a pucker to a "pussy slit" (that's what He called it). We got together about once a week for a year and a half before i had to move and He'd spend His time "playing" in my hole. i just thought He was ass obsessed, but one day He took this pic before He left, after our time together, and announced to me that He had "changed my hole from an asshole to a pussy slit." He was very proud of Himself and what He had done and i realized that that was HIs goal all along. Frankly, it touched something deep inside of me and He's owned a piece of my heart ever since.

i tried Pure for a month, took the highest recommended dose (3, 2x each day) and was disappointed. It made a difference, but not the kind of results many seem to get? i was bummed (so to speak). I still take psyllium fiber pills, at about a third the cost, and get similar results.

This was apparently reported in the NY Times, i think it's legit. But reading the article, the similarity is that each case resulted after a bone marrow transplant in cancer patients. That's an extreme process that involves "conditioning" where the immune system is virtually neutralized (ironic, eh?) to help prevent rejection of the transplant. Chemo or radiation therapy is used to do this. i'd be interested to read the journal reports on this as i suspect that it's that destructive process that ends up killing off the the virus too. With meds, the virus is suppressed to the point of "undetectable," but manages to hide... apparently the process of getting a bone marrow transplant gets the 'hidden' or "undetectable" virus as well. Not a wonderfully viable option and not likely to replace suppression as an option unless you are crazy rich, want and can afford the procedure.

For me too (i.e. "fucking hot"), the idea awakens something very primal in me. As to "depth," damn, yes, go deep enough to reach, hold and caress my soul with His.

That's as far as i have taken too. So far, i haven't been able to take a hand beyond the first speed bump. i suspect that would change if i had a regular FB who was into opening a hole. i've had this long time fantasy where i am asleep in bed with a Top fb and wake up with His arm deep inside me. i know it's totally unrealistic that anyone could get in my hole that way while i'm asleep lol... just wishful fantasizing. i love the whole idea of that kind of dynamic, such a complete Top/bottom relationship that such things could take place, that He'd know He was free, even desired to use my hole (His hole) as He needed and wanted, that both our needs and wants are alined.

i feel like i have answered this...a lot lol. Doesn't matter to me. i'm focused on the size of the inner cock (rolls eyes at self). Seriously. i had a fb once who had about 2 inches. He also had a very large body, and between the two, i would never have guessed He could even fuck. i would be lying naked and face down on my stomach in an anonymous walk in scenario. He'd put my legs together and straddle them and slide in my hole while He was in a sitting position. He always got in and He always left an enormous load. He bred me on a regular basis and i developed a real affection for Him. It was HIs need and desire to breed that mattered, that's what matters to me. i've had guys with large cocks at bath houses, guys who were just making the rounds with their cock and weren't really into the fuck or breed so much as they were into seeing how many holes they could get into, there was no focus, it was mechanical and disappointing. Their physical cock was deployed, but their inner cock was some place else.

this totally made me squirm. i don't think of myself as a "woman," yet it totally made me squirm

Glad you're not self diagnosing. The symptoms you note are not typically associated with anal chlamydia. If the symptoms don't go away, might be a good idea to get a work up, blood work. One of the STD's rarely talked about in gay circles (but that is changing) is HPV. HPV can cause cancer. Again, don't drive yourself crazy with google and trying to self diagnose, that will make both you and your health care provider nuts. We have a saying in healthcare: "a google search is not equal to my medical degree." It's reasonable to ask your doctor to give you a work up because any active gay guy is at risk. good luck

ditto the "harness" or a chastity belt designed to hold a butt plug in place... that'd be sexy

sounds like you may have already achieved the goal

i know a lot of guys here say that there holes are still as tight as ever, mine isn't . Internally i can squeeze cock with the best of them, but my opening is no longer 'made' to hold in, but is opened to receive. i fucking love that that is Your goal with Your bottoms. i admit it feels a little vulnerable to have what amounts to a cunt, always kind of opened and waiting and i love that its because Tops made it that way. i have to run to the bathroom because my hole is really changed to receive now and it's like it has a mind of its own and insists on being empty and available for penetration

i came from a religious background, so i didn't have sex with a guy till i was 27. Kinda funny story how it happened. i was in Long Beach CA helping to refurbish a missionary hospital ship that was in port. i was only there over night, worked Saturday, spent the night, then went home. i was married (to a woman). i had always liked guys, but resisted who i am because of my beliefs. They roomed me with this guy who was my age, Skip, a permanent member of the crew. We didn't work together that day, but he toured me through the ship at one point and had these really short shorts on that i could see up the pant leg when he was on a ladder in front of me. He was hot, and i'm pretty sure he was working me. He didn't get back to our room until a few hours after i had already bunked down. The berth was tiny, his bed was only about 5 fee from mine and it was dark, only a little light from the port hole, so all we could see was shadows. When he got in bed, we started this elaborate cat and mouse game of making subtle sounds. i was already undressed with only tight, thin bikini briefs on, and under a cover, pretending to be asleep. As he lay on his bunk, he slowly peeled off all his clothes, making sounds like he was hot and restless. i was staring hard into the dark shadows, trying to see his body and what he was doing, this went on for what seemed like hours. At one point, it looked like he was completely naked and stroking his cock, but it was hard to tell it was so dark, i was going by sound and what it looked like in the dark shadows. Finally, i couldn't stand it anymore and i got up and went to his bunk and he wordlessly guided me to his cock. i sucked him. i doubt i was very good at it, but i wasn't timid about it either, i was really turned on and had a lifetime of pent up desire that he got. He came pretty quickly, rolled over in his bunk, pretending to be asleep. i went back to my bunk and fell asleep. When i woke in the morning, he was gone and i had to drive home. i was in love lol (he was my first), and he pretended like nothing had happened. He was my first, but he didn't really "teach" me how to suck cock. For years after, i was pretty much self taught, but always enjoyed getting fucked more than sucking. It wasn't till more recently that i experienced a Dom who "taught" me how to suck His cock. He had about 8" and it was very thick. i spent hours sucking Him and being instructed the whole time. He was very vocal and naturally Dom (even though we hadn't discussed that, He was definitely Dom). He was sitting on my bed, leaning against the bedboard, legs spread. He had me lie face down between His legs to suck Him. He instructed me on what He wanted the whole time and mixed it with praise and encouragement. He wanted me to throat Him, and i'd never really had a cock that big in my throat. It was so big around that i couldn't breath, and of course i was gagging. He treated me like i was a little kid, His voice and attitude were like He was instructing a 10 year old. He would say: "okay, take it deeper, around that curve, that's it." and when i would do it, He would gush: "good boy!!" It would make me feel both embarrassed and proud at the same time. He never let up, talking all the time. He'd tell me to look up at Him when He had His cock in my throat, which was really an awkward position the way i was lying. He'd ask me questions while His cock was in my mouth and throat, fully expecting me to answer and all i could do was mumble. I was tearing and my nose was all wet and my face became covered in my own spit and snot. He continually asserted what a "Good boy" i was and would ask/tell me how proud He was of me and He'd tell me how much i liked what i was doing. By the time He was finished with me, i was a different person. i adored Him (and still do, even though i have never seen Him again). i am a different kind of cock sucker now, totally eager and 100% focused when i suck. Tops seem to notice, i get compliments and responses that i never got in the past. He is the one who taught me how to suck cock, that's how i learned.

Hi Sebp, i see this is your first post, so am guessing you are new to the site? If you hang for a while and read through the posts, you'll notice this is a pretty common fantasy here. You are definitely among friends and like minded guys, both Tops and bottoms here. "Breeding zone" lol. You might want to do a site search on stealth breeding. Have fun and welcome.

i had a FB who i got together with weekly for about a year and a half. He nnever talked about it directly (all the time indirectly), but i realized over time that He had a goal of modifying my hole... and He did. That was 9 years ago, and my hole has never been the same. It's more of a slit than a pucker and while i have the inner control of being able to squeeze a cock, my outer sphincter is permanently more open, accessible. When ever i have to go, i have to go. Again, i can control and hold it in because my inner ass muscles are developed from holding plugs in, but my opening gets a sense of urgency that is permanent. For me it's a daily reminder that i have more of a fuck hole than a hole for getting rid of waste, i like the feeling.

i think you can "...guide him...," and apparently are guiding Him 'successfully' (He "successfully" topped you). i'm not of a mind that 'bottoms should be seen and not heard' (not suggesting youre implying this), even though i'm sexually receptive. i'm with those who think/feel that He may have some sort of fear or concern about having sex with guys to overcome or get past? But i don't know, i'd ask Him. i suspect He's thought a great deal about it, thus the problem of ED. i was in the role of a top for most of my life (married to a woman 31 years). i practiced and got very good at giving my wife pleasure. Towards the last several years of our marriage, that would actually frustrate her. i'd give her all these multiple orgasms but she finally told me that she wished that i would "just take her without any regard to her pleasure." i doubt she would have been happy about that if that were our sex life exclusively, but it was something she missed and it was something i could not give her because... i'm gay lol. Which is kind of the crux of what i am getting at. i think the kind of Top or bottom many (most?) of us are talking about on this site is the kind that seems naturally inclined, who has a cock and is driven to put it inside someone. i agree with find91, that there's a "big difference being a top and a competent or good top," i.e., that just like with me, there is a learned or developed skill side to it. But i also think that the lust/desire/need to penetrate, inseminate is a big part of being a top and that it is not trained or acquired.

i think this is a good point. It seems there is no one 'right' technique, so the best cock suckers are not focused on their methods, but how the man they are sucking is responding. Not always easy, because not every guy gives feedback, so you have to rely on things like breathing and cock response. One of my favorite things to do is to start out concentraiting on the head getting the Top really turned on and sexually tense, then when He is almost feeling a sense of frustration by the tension without release, the overload, i'll suddenly go deep and take Him to the hilt so His head gets the friction sensation of my throat. Then ill alternate tension with pleasure depending on how He is reacting.