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tallslenderguy

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Everything posted by tallslenderguy

  1. tallslenderguy
    Jim's eyes, facial expressions haunted me too, he looked like he was a kid again when sharing, he looked vulnerable and delicate. I also was profoundly struck by how 'in love' with MJ that they were (and still seemed to be, even as adults who realized they were abused). i see it as a scar that MJ left. He didn't love them, he used them, but he convinced them that it was "love." That left an emotional mark on these people that is hard to remove, if it ever can be? There is a cognitive dissonance, because their feelings say one thing, reality says another. i think part of what made it all so convincing was that MJ was convinced himself that he loved these people, even though reason could have told him otherwise.
  2. tallslenderguy
    it was striking to me too how MJ "seduced" the whole family (i think you put that well). It also stood out to me that neither of the boys in the documentary are gay. i grew up in a culture that asserts that this is exactly the type of thing that makes boys into gays, so this was emotionally sort of validating for me to see in that particular way, even though i have known better intellectually for a long time. It also stood out to me how two faced MJ was with the parents. Around them he was totally charming, but behind their backs he would run them down to their kids. MJ didn't seem gay, but seemed to like boys (and maybe) women, but not men. His obsession with trying to always look young, he seemed emotionally/developmentally stuck in childhood. He was a very proficient manipulator, he got the boys and their families to love him, but i don't think he had love for them, he just used them to fulfill his needs/wants.
  3. tallslenderguy
    i watched the documentary "Leaving Neverland" on HBO a few days ago, thought i'd start a thread. Like most, i watched the news when Michael Jackson was still alive, knew of the accusations against him re having sex with young boys. He obviously had the money and managed to win in court. This documentary pretty much removed any doubts i had about it, i thought it was really well done. Besides the obvious, something that i found striking was how the two guys that were interviewed for the documentary are both straight. i grew up in a religious culture that tried to say gay attraction is a result of stuff like this. Though i long ago learned that being attracted to the same sex is pretty much intrinsic, it was still fascinating to watch. Both of the guys were clearly taken advantage of and abused by MJ and are still affected today. Have you seen it? What did you think and feel from watching it?
  4. tallslenderguy
    This hole is amazing, it looks like you can breath through it, taking deep breaths.
  5. tallslenderguy
    i was lying prone (i.e., on my stomach), so i had to go by feel a lot of the time. What i came to realize is it was His plan from the beginning to alter the look of my hole and that He was patient, this happened over time. He also seemed to get off on me not really being aware of what He was doing (i.e., changing my hole), so He was not obvious and i pieced together what He did retrospectively. For instance, He would say how much He loved to "rim," and He did do it a lot, but it was a slow and purposeful process really. Most of the Tops i've been with who are into rimming seem more focused on penetrating a hole with their tongue, being inside a hole with their mouth, lips and tongue. He was doing a combination of that and also a purposeful process of drawing my hole out and open. i keep using the word "slow" because that is how He kept what He was doing subtle and i think that is also how He made the results more permanent. But simply put, He opened and 'sucked' my hole out and into that shape with His mouth, fingers, dildos, cock, tongue with the intent of fashioning a slit with lips.
  6. tallslenderguy
    Thank you for weighing in. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, i don't think the 'hatred' is conscious, that its strength and passion depends on its being buried deep as a motivator. i spent years going through so called "reparative therapy" which is supposed to de-gay a person. The religious culture i was a part of called it "love." There was even a de-gaying organization called "Love in Action." This is a very prevalent attitude in some religious circles, they term it: "love the sin, hate the sinner." It sets up cognitive dissonance in the gay person because, on the one hand, they have the reality of being attracted to the same sex and on the other hand are being told that is "sick" and "sinful." It took me a long time to process through that notion. i see the desire to catch or give a disease as similar, that those who feel that way have internalized the message that their desire to be with another man is bad and must be destroyed.
  7. tallslenderguy
    i don't think chasing or the desire to be poz is a kink, i think it is self hate. Attitudes towards gays have changed a lot in my life time, but there is still half the culture in this country who voted for a guy who's running mate is openly anti gay. If he had the choice, make no mistake, he'd legislate against us. As recent as 1998, i was arrested for asking an undercover "Vice" cop if he wanted to fuck me. i was living in VA and they still had cops who would frequent cruising areas, pretend to be gay and try and entrap gays. i was charged with a felony under a 100 year old "sodomy" law that made the expression of my sexuality illegal. The judge threw it out, the prosecuting attorney was livid. He worked for then attorney general Bob McDonell who was virulently anti gay and later became governor of Virginia. Imagine being gay and growing up as Bob McDonell's kid? That's the way it is for many gay guys, even in 2019. i grew up in a religious culture and literally hated my gay self, trying everything i could to kill that part of me, for 40 years. Wanting a deadly disease is self destructive and ultimately can be a form of suicide. i think the desire to be poz, chasing, and the desire to infect others is internalized hate of gays and being gay.
  8. tallslenderguy
    i don't feel like having sex when i have the flu, how much more would i feel that way with AID's?
  9. tallslenderguy
    my experience is the same as pozlover1, i.e., i don't need a plug to retain a load. i love the idea of a Top plugging me, but in reality, it's harder for me to keep a load if i am plugged than if i am not. i can usually hold loads for hours, overnight or until i have to go... by then, it's usually absorbed. i've even held piss overnight. There are stretch receptors in the rectum that stimulate expulsion (called the "defecation reflex"), putting a plug in can stimulate those receptors. The reflex causes involuntary relaxation of the internal anal sphincter. There is a delay mechanism that can be triggered, but that works by contracting the external anal sphincter and results in moving rectal contents back in towards the colon a bit to take pressure of the rectal sensors, that can't be done with a plug because is held in place and it is restricted from going in further.
  10. tallslenderguy
    yeah, i get that. i was super religious and it took me forever to get to a place of self acceptance. Meanwhile, i cheated and lied a lot. For me, sex with men became my only form of affirmation. i would crave it and couldn't resist, then immediately after (within seconds) i'd feel ashamed and rotten... then i'd do it again, often daily. And i did give her a couple of STI's and she believed me when i lied again. I learned early on to never get my cock sucked so i wouldn't give her chlamydia or gonnorhea. At one point, she got sick with CMA and i convinced myself i'd given her HIV, so i told her what i had been doing and it all came crashing down. Was awful, it really hurt her. i think it's better to be open now vs later. i don't think there is anything wrong with you and i think that's what traps us in situations where we feel like we have to lie. What's wrong is feeling you have to lie about who you are for fear of rejection or judgement.
  11. tallslenderguy
    No, i never have, on either side. i have about 7" and it's fairly girthy, not enormous, but never been laughed at for it even though i have a sub streak that loves when a Top ignores my cock or minimizes it, but that has nothing to do with size really, but function (inner). i have never laughed at or even had to stifle a laugh at another guys cock. i love men and it's just not in me to laugh at them. If i have any kind of disdain, it's usually for the guy who is so insecure that he laughs at others based on something as base as cock size (i mean truly laughs, not as part of a D/s scene where He is really being thoughtful). i used to cruise at this one park where there was a tall guy with orange hair. He was super shy, but obviously looking. i think he was shy because he had probably the smallest cock i have ever seen, it was short and thin, really was pinky sized. i pursued him on several occasions and finally got him to fuck me. He had a really hard time believing i wanted him to fuck me he was so self conscious about his size. The first couple of times i approached him, he came right out and told me that i wouldn't really want him and that he couldn't fuck because he had a small cock. But i persisted and finally he relented. He was doing fine, but he just couldn't believe it himself and stopped and left. Made me sad, i really liked him and wished he could have accepted the fact of someone really wanting him.
  12. tallslenderguy
    i see a conflict between "...can't stop thinking about cock" and "....just occasionally satisfy my desires." i was married (to a woman) and was having sex with guys for years. For me, i was from a religious background where being gay was considered a sickness and "sin." Took me awhile to work through all of that and come to a place of self acceptance. Meanwhile, i lied and cheated to fill that need. i hated myself because of that. my wife knew about my attraction to guys before we married, but it was a different era and she just thought i was 'confused.' i thought i could get over it. Neither was true. Personally, i cannot recommend a life of lying and cheating. i use those words without any rancor, that's simply what it is. It took a toll on me and those i love. i know people in open marriages, lots of bi people do that, others want monogamy. my wife stayed religious and to this day thinks i'm sick (divorced since 2008), so staying with her wouldn't have worked for me, but i would have if she had been accepting of who i am. Marriage is a significant relationship, if you keep this part of you secret, you will end up feeling alone and unknown in the most significant relationship you have. Didn't work for me.
  13. tallslenderguy
    He already has taken cock (i went to his profile page and checked out his other posts). @Spokaneboy: Human sexuality is complicated, eh? The spectrum theory on human sexuality makes the most sense to me. I.e., way overly simply put, gay is at one end of the spectrum, straight at the other and we all fall somewhere on that 'line.' Based on what you have written here and on your other posts, you obviously aren't strictly straight. Reading the things you've written about what you want/need, it doesn't look like it's just physical either. If you were just looking for the physical sensation of having something up your ass, a dildo would do. There's lots of straight guys who like anal sex with their wive's or girl friends and never desire it with a guy because they're straight. As to your question "is there something wrong with me...?" idk if you are really asking or if this is a fantasy question of some sort? It seems to me that you are bi, at the very least and that you need to figure out how to live with who you are. It reads like you may be feeling conflicted about being bi? If part of your make up is to be sexually attracted to men, the evidence has pretty shown that that is not going to go away, so the next step would be to figure out how to live as a bi man. Therapy might help.
  14. tallslenderguy
    i call it "beautiful"
  15. tallslenderguy
    There's been talk here about holes, openness, tightness, pucker, slit, etc.. Thought i'd start a "show us your hole" thread. mine used to be a pucker, but i had a FB who, unbeknownst to me, made it His goal to modify my hole from a pucker to a "pussy slit" (that's what He called it). We got together about once a week for a year and a half before i had to move and He'd spend His time "playing" in my hole. i just thought He was ass obsessed, but one day He took this pic before He left, after our time together, and announced to me that He had "changed my hole from an asshole to a pussy slit." He was very proud of Himself and what He had done and i realized that that was HIs goal all along. Frankly, it touched something deep inside of me and He's owned a piece of my heart ever since.
  16. tallslenderguy
    i tried Pure for a month, took the highest recommended dose (3, 2x each day) and was disappointed. It made a difference, but not the kind of results many seem to get? i was bummed (so to speak). I still take psyllium fiber pills, at about a third the cost, and get similar results.
  17. tallslenderguy
    This was apparently reported in the NY Times, i think it's legit. But reading the article, the similarity is that each case resulted after a bone marrow transplant in cancer patients. That's an extreme process that involves "conditioning" where the immune system is virtually neutralized (ironic, eh?) to help prevent rejection of the transplant. Chemo or radiation therapy is used to do this. i'd be interested to read the journal reports on this as i suspect that it's that destructive process that ends up killing off the the virus too. With meds, the virus is suppressed to the point of "undetectable," but manages to hide... apparently the process of getting a bone marrow transplant gets the 'hidden' or "undetectable" virus as well. Not a wonderfully viable option and not likely to replace suppression as an option unless you are crazy rich, want and can afford the procedure.
  18. tallslenderguy
    For me too (i.e. "fucking hot"), the idea awakens something very primal in me. As to "depth," damn, yes, go deep enough to reach, hold and caress my soul with His.
  19. tallslenderguy
    That's as far as i have taken too. So far, i haven't been able to take a hand beyond the first speed bump. i suspect that would change if i had a regular FB who was into opening a hole. i've had this long time fantasy where i am asleep in bed with a Top fb and wake up with His arm deep inside me. i know it's totally unrealistic that anyone could get in my hole that way while i'm asleep lol... just wishful fantasizing. i love the whole idea of that kind of dynamic, such a complete Top/bottom relationship that such things could take place, that He'd know He was free, even desired to use my hole (His hole) as He needed and wanted, that both our needs and wants are alined.
  20. tallslenderguy
    i feel like i have answered this...a lot lol. Doesn't matter to me. i'm focused on the size of the inner cock (rolls eyes at self). Seriously. i had a fb once who had about 2 inches. He also had a very large body, and between the two, i would never have guessed He could even fuck. i would be lying naked and face down on my stomach in an anonymous walk in scenario. He'd put my legs together and straddle them and slide in my hole while He was in a sitting position. He always got in and He always left an enormous load. He bred me on a regular basis and i developed a real affection for Him. It was HIs need and desire to breed that mattered, that's what matters to me. i've had guys with large cocks at bath houses, guys who were just making the rounds with their cock and weren't really into the fuck or breed so much as they were into seeing how many holes they could get into, there was no focus, it was mechanical and disappointing. Their physical cock was deployed, but their inner cock was some place else.
  21. tallslenderguy
    this totally made me squirm. i don't think of myself as a "woman," yet it totally made me squirm
  22. tallslenderguy
    Glad you're not self diagnosing. The symptoms you note are not typically associated with anal chlamydia. If the symptoms don't go away, might be a good idea to get a work up, blood work. One of the STD's rarely talked about in gay circles (but that is changing) is HPV. HPV can cause cancer. Again, don't drive yourself crazy with google and trying to self diagnose, that will make both you and your health care provider nuts. We have a saying in healthcare: "a google search is not equal to my medical degree." It's reasonable to ask your doctor to give you a work up because any active gay guy is at risk. good luck
  23. tallslenderguy
    ditto the "harness" or a chastity belt designed to hold a butt plug in place... that'd be sexy
  24. tallslenderguy
    sounds like you may have already achieved the goal
  25. tallslenderguy
    i know a lot of guys here say that there holes are still as tight as ever, mine isn't . Internally i can squeeze cock with the best of them, but my opening is no longer 'made' to hold in, but is opened to receive. i fucking love that that is Your goal with Your bottoms. i admit it feels a little vulnerable to have what amounts to a cunt, always kind of opened and waiting and i love that its because Tops made it that way. i have to run to the bathroom because my hole is really changed to receive now and it's like it has a mind of its own and insists on being empty and available for penetration

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