Why is it so hard to find tops that won't flake.

[jimmsmatt222]

I've got to say I'm pretty frustrated with the men in my area. I don't get alot of chances to have fun what with work and kids taking most of my time so the only time I really get to play are days during the week I'm off work and the kids are at school. I can't tell how many times I've been on Grindr or A4A and have been talking to someone who act like they want to breed me only to have them flake out. I'm pretty clear about what I want and at first they seem eager then nothing. Not really sure what I have to do to get people to follow through and fill me up. Any suggestions on things to try?

 

[Guest Dickmagnet]

There are so many flakes i think they are everywhere especially online, i hate looking for a hook up online. I know where you are coming on this. I have the same thing here too. lots of questions but when it gets down to meeting i hear every excuse in the book & then some. I am thinking of deleting all my profiles & just going back to old fashioned cruise & fucks in real life. it's very frustrating online i know.

[jimmsmatt222]

Yeah. I only have 1 guy that I can message and be fairly sure hell show up. I just wish they would at least tell me they're not coming and why instead of just ghosting me.

[Guest hungandmean]

My advice? Be direct. Send an ass shot, say you want it bareback, and you can only play at that moment. Ask if hes serious to send you a cell number for an address to your place. If hes looking to blow he'll gladly pass it over and most likely show up.

[jimmsmatt222]

7 minutes ago, hungandmean said:

My advice? Be direct. Send an ass shot, say you want it bareback, and you can only play at that moment. Ask if hes serious to send you a cell number for an address to your place. If hes looking to blow he'll gladly pass it over and most likely show up.

That's usually how I handle it. I always tell them exactly what I want, when I want it and I send them an ass pic. Even my profiles say that I'm face down ass up and looking to be bred by anon guys. Most of them that I'll message act like they're unto that and want to come by but then disappear.

[Ranger Rick]

I'm a top. I don't flake. There have even been occasion s when I really wasn't into it but went anyway because I had made an agreement.

[bihairy]

Top here also. I have had the same from bottoms. They talk the big talk and then nothing. I give my phone number etc and try to tell them exactly what I'm looking for and when.  Then there is usually some excuse why they can't call..seriously why to to all this trouble if you're just gonna J/O.  It is frustrating to talk to someone that seems like a good connection and then find out they are 1.5 hours away etc. If I'm not your type whatever.  Just tell me.  I'll find someone else.- Don't tell me you wanna fuck and then say oh I was looking for /Later/Tomorrow what ever. bh

[barecubtop]

I agree with @bihairy and @Ranger Rick.  I've had multiple times where the bottoms flake out on me - after I've given my address and they said they were on their way.  That really irks me.  As a top, I don't think I've ever said I was on my way to a bottom and didn't show up.  There have been times when I've been chatting with multiple guys at the same time and the stars eventually align and 2-3 bottoms say they are ready at the same time, so I have to choose.  But I usually either ask the others if I can come over later, or make some excuse about not being able to make it.  I don't just leave them hanging, that's rude.  There have been a few times when I walked in to a bottom's place and didn't think the situation was as ideal as I had hoped (one guy's house was literally full of trash, all over the floor), but I at least tried - either let them suck my dick for a few and said I wasn't into it, or went ahead and fucked them anyways.

[bbzh]

When it looks like the guy is serious about meeting, I send him my number and say "text me and I'll reply with my address". That is an effective anti-flaking strategy that works MOST of the time. Most flakes don't want you to have their phone number. And guys can be sure that if I give my number and address, then I'm ALL THE WAY in.

The only thing I don't like is when guys try to move too quickly to WhatsApp instead of remaining on the app/chat site for a bit To me, that is flaky behavior. I haven't even determined if I want to meet you and now I've got you texting me repeatedly in my phone. Annoying. 

[jimmsmatt222]

Thats how I wish the tops I talk to would act. If you tell me your going to do it and then decide not too at least tell me your not going to follow through and maybe why.  A little respect in that regard goes a long way. 

Edited January 2, 2018 by jimmsmatt222

[NLbear]

Had my share of flaking tops. Pretty annoying if you only have one date lined up and you have gone through a lengthy process to make sure you have a clean hole and then he doesn't show up (but with your address in his pocket...). Leaves you all horned up with a clean hole and nobody to enjoy it...But then again I am sure there are plenty of bottoms too who back off at the last minute, or give a fake address etc. So both do it.

They probably get a kick out of it. Maybe just looking for confirmation they are "hot enough" to be picked? If you can't make it for some reason have the decency to let the other one know and try to reschedule if you're still up for it.

[travelingbi]

It's a real problem with guys online.  I travel a lot. It's a problem everywhere and on every app and website. But some cities are worse than others. I live in Las Vegas. I plan on at least half the guys flaking out. I will not travel to a Strip Hotel to play with a visitor anymore, unless I've talked or texted with them beforehand. Too many times I've gone all the way to the strip. Parked, gone through the casino, found the elevator and made it to their room to find no one answers my knock. Just game players. 
London and Paris have the biggest amount of flakes of anywhere I travel. Amsterdam is better. But, still a lot of flakes. Salt Lake City and Honolulu seem to be pretty good for guys to actually show up. In fact, I have the best results in Salt Lake when I try a breed & seed in my hotel room. I've never figured out why so many guys like to play games?

 

Edited January 3, 2018 by travelingbi

[tallslenderguy]

Great topic.  My feel is there is no one reason why guys flake, but probably a combination? Idk. It seems a malady of online hook-up though. Online has introduced a different dynamic in relationship where it's possible to be intimate and distant simultaneously. We share pics and information about sex about our selves with the vast ether between us.  The mating ritual is complex and online has changed up an age old process.

I think one of the things we forget, or never really understood in the first place?, is how much of sex is in the mind. I don't think it's just guys using conversation with the intent of jacking off and never hooking, but maybe start out wanting to hook and somewhere along the line in the exchange the mental need/desire is fulfilled, dampening the physical? 

I think this is more likely to happen the longer the exchange goes. Also, the longer the exchange goes, the more risk there is that the guy will see something he doesn't like.  I think it can be a tricky dance. I think it's easier to commodify a bottom or top when it's not in person, like shopping for a car. May like everything and be close to pushing the buy button, only to discover a scratch.  

Another thing I think is part of the delicate dance is when desire and need get crossed.  Maintaining the energy of desire is one thing, coming across as needy is a whole other thing. Top or bottom, I think one of the emotional components of sex is a fulfilled conquest. I.e., both parties want to be wanted, we have that in common. I think sometimes bottoms can come off ass needy and tops can come off as inconsiderate users (i know, many bottoms love the idea of being used, so the "inconsiderate" part is often flaking). 

[barecubtop]

7 hours ago, travelingbi said:

... I live in Las Vegas. I plan on at least half the guys flaking out. I will not travel to a Strip Hotel to play with a visitor anymore, unless I've talked or texted with them beforehand. Too many times I've gone all the way to the strip. Parked, gone through the casino, found the elevator and made it to their room to find no one answers my knock.

I was out in Vegas a few weeks ago (pretty sure I contacted you @travelingbi, but not sure where it went) and I heard the same thing from the guys out there.  I hooked up with a couple in my room at Red Rock (not on the strip) and they said the same thing - they expect half or more to flake.  I was texting with another guy the night I got in after I got off the plane...told him I needed to get out to the resort and we could go from there.  He was getting a little pushy and I eventually said I was just going to bed since I was on Eastern time and it felt like 1 or 2am for me - he called me a typical flake. Whatever.

[FelchingPisser]

As others have noted, this topic should be "Why is it so hard to find GUYS who won't flake?"

Distance seems to be a big factor where I live.  Men seem to expect us to live next door to each other in rural Michigan.

Another is the thrill of doing something different with me--piss or fist, etc--and the online man who's never met me chickens out.

I frankly try to play with men from online as little as possible and take trips to different sex parties (CumUnion, Fukdto, Roughhouse, Chgowaterbuddies) or to sex venues (bathhouses, bookstores, clubs).